The faces of “money” fear
The fear of money has many faces and hides deep in the unconscious, so it can most often be identified by indirect signs. “There are people who have absorbed the parental or social
attitude that “money is dirt .
They often despise wealthy people and consider them scammers. Another marker is an obsession with saving
.
It manifests itself in the fact that a person experiences great joy when he gets something very cheap, or even more so for free. Saving for him is the center of his inner world, an important source of pleasure.
Therefore, when he manages to buy something for very little money and ride like a hare, he gets a real thrill,”
says the psychologist.
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Fear of money also manifests itself in criticism of those who spend “more”
, strives to bring himself small joys, does not perceive the world as a place for suffering and survival. Thus, a preschool daughter who asks to buy a fashion doll, such a person will eagerly begin to convince her that she does not need an expensive toy. And he will ridicule the friend who gave his wife a dishwasher: they say, he fell for the white-handed whining.
Contempt for the “bourgeoisie”, genuine joy from life in austerity, condemnation of “sybarites” - all these are manifestations of envy
. But since not everyone is able to admit it even to themselves, most people feel insulted if they hear addressed to them: “Maybe you’re just jealous?”, and vehemently deny that they are familiar with this “ignoble” feeling. Keep in mind: the phrase “I never envy anyone!” betrays an envious person with all his might.
Some people are deprived of sleep and peace if they have a large amount of money, by their standards. “They don’t find a place for themselves, because their imagination paints gloomy pictures: the money will be lost, or stolen, or will depreciate overnight. Anxiety subsides only when a person “gets rid” of money.
And if he goes to the store for this, he experiences not joy from the purchase, but relief from the fact that he no longer has to worry about the safety of his money,”
explains Anna Khidiryan.
Payment at machines
Valya: I'm afraid to pay with a card through machines in the subway and terminals that are connected to a smartphone. I'm worried that I may not recognize the skimming device - then scammers will steal my card data, make a duplicate of it and withdraw money. It’s psychologically more comfortable for me to get confused and find where to withdraw cash. You can, of course, have a separate card specifically for such cases, on which a small amount will be stored. And I even have it, I just forget to replenish it on time.
Ekaterina Baeva: Having a separate card, definitely a debit card, with a small amount on it is a good solution in this situation. Fraudsters also install reading devices on ATMs, so it is best to withdraw money from ATMs located directly at the bank.
I advise you not to store large sums on cards; it is better to transfer them to separate accounts that are not linked to cards, and top up the cards if necessary. Additionally, you should think about the password on the SIM card and phone that are linked to online banking. I do not recommend having the bank’s mobile application and the incoming login and password on the same phone: if they are tied to different devices, then even if the phone is stolen, scammers will not be able to transfer money from it through the mobile application.
How to test yourself and your loved ones for fear of money
Most attitudes are formed in childhood, so it’s worth starting with memories of how your parents spoke about money, wealth and poverty
.
Let's say mom and dad shamed their neighbor, who was always well-groomed, smelling of expensive perfume, and stylishly dressed: they say, everything is clear, where did she get the money for a luxurious life - she found a money-bag lover. And without a shadow of a doubt they asserted that their friend, who built a luxurious mansion, took a crooked path - “how else is it possible to get such money?” “But we, thank God, are not like that,” the parents emphasized. “We may live in a communal apartment, work at a factory for pennies, but we are honest and decent people.” For the time being, the child believes those closest to him and concludes: big money can only be earned in a shameful or unjust way. “
Analyze what attitudes were instilled in you in your family and evaluate how comfortable it is for you to live with them, ” the specialist recommends.
– Do you feel protest at the thought that you can become like your parents who were proud of being “poor, but honest”? This means that being content with little, living from penny to penny all your life and allowing yourself and your loved ones to rejoice in very measured doses is not your way.”
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Poverty often attracts those who deep down consider themselves superior to those around them.
and puts himself on a par with famous ascetics. “I am surrounded by mundane and narrow-minded people who are unable to understand someone like me. True joys - spiritual ones - are inaccessible to them, so they twist their fingers at their temples when they find out that I voluntarily chose a life of deprivation. Well, the miserable townsfolk also took Socrates for a madman. This is the fate of geniuses,” the owners of the inner crown argue in a similar spirit. And, speaking in the language of metaphors, a dry piece of black bread, on which they break their teeth in the dim light of a candle stub, seems sweeter to them than honey.
Some people have a secret fantasy that sooner or later they will be rewarded
for the fact that they pretended to little, were undemanding and flexible.
“There are people who have learned from childhood the attitude “suffer and you will be rewarded.” They seem to strive to become like the heroines of the fairy tales “Cinderella” and “Morozko”.
But reality, of course, is different from the fairy tale. And in adult life, a benefactor who will appreciate their suffering and sacrifice may never appear,” says Anna Khidiryan.
Those who are accustomed to constantly keeping themselves in a black body firmly believe that they are acting rationally. They are deeply mistaken. “With reasonable savings, a person soberly assesses what he can afford with the money he earns and lives within his means. This approach can only be welcomed. But if saving is elevated to a cult and evokes strong positive emotions
, this is a sad story,”
says the psychologist. For example, people who pride themselves on being undemanding and unpretentious do not buy new clothes for years, or even decades, explaining: “I spend my money wisely - I grabbed a shirt for cheap, I’ve been wearing it for ten years, and it’s like new.” When going to a store or market, they first of all pay attention to discounted goods and do not disdain expired or spoiled products. “A man eats a rotten persimmon and feels in seventh heaven because he saved a penny.
He can afford high-quality persimmons, he’s just used to strictly limiting himself - and gets great pleasure from it .
Only this is an unhealthy pleasure,” the expert points out.
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Such people angrily condemn those who do not want to be “poor but honest”
and they do not agree at all that “being rich is not a shame.” These enlightened comrades, as a rule, try to instill their “philosophy” in their loved ones, and if they encounter resistance, they become indignant and attack with accusations, and begin to shame them. In the light version, they only get upset, but continue to stick to their line and hope that the “stupid” husband/wife and children will someday gain some sense.
“Money problems are often just the tip of the iceberg: fear of money can cover up other irrational fears
»,
– warns the psychologist. Let's say a person is confident that all bosses are fiercely hated by those in charge. Not wanting to be in the place of someone whom everyone can’t stand, he will do his best to hinder his career growth. Fears that wealthy people are becoming objects of toxic envy and therefore their lives and property are at increased risk force them to act in the same way. As you can see, in the examples given, the primary fears are not getting enough love and not feeling safe.
Low earnings
Stas: In the first few years after graduating from university, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to earn money. It’s funny to spend 5 years getting a higher education and leaving the university with the fear of not being able to make money, but that’s exactly what happened. While I was studying, no phobia arose - perhaps I reassured myself that a student did not have to have money. And immediately after graduation this feeling appeared, and, to be honest, it was a rather painful feeling. Any personal contributions, be it gifts or some kind of part-time work, did not help if I could not make them regular. So my main financial phobia is not being able to earn enough money.
Financial advisor Ekaterina Baeva: In this situation, having a reserve fund in the amount of 3-6 monthly budgets on deposit in a reliable, systemically important bank can help. Even if temporary difficulties with earnings or unforeseen urgent expenses arise, money will always be available. I recommend setting aside at least 10% of each financial income for a replenished deposit and withdrawing money from this deposit only if there is no income. And do not forget to review the size of the reserve fund if income has increased. And also replenish it if you took money from there.
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Debtor's share
Vladislav: I’m afraid of situations where I owe money to someone. It’s not at all a fact that tomorrow I won’t get sick or some other serious problem won’t arise that will prevent me from giving them away.
Dmitry Sobolev: Not everyone can borrow money, but there is nothing reprehensible in this procedure if you take out a loan against your future projected income. If we are talking about a long period for which it is difficult to make forecasts, then humanity has come up with a solution to this problem - insurance. That is, protection against risk that you think may become an obstacle to repaying the loan.
Final score
Anya: I feel terribly uncomfortable when I have less than 1500 ₽ left on my card. Even if there are a few days until salary, this amount is enough not to reduce your usual expenses. For some reason, I play out nightmare scenarios in my head - something unexpected happens, I spend all the remaining money at once and live without a livelihood for some time. The mood is spoiled. I’m starting to save a lot: I can live a whole week without spending a single thing - with 1,500 rubles in my pocket. Perhaps this fear remained from my student days, when there was a constant feeling that I was alone in a big city and responsible for myself.
Mikhail Steinbok: We need to create a “safety cushion”. And the problem will be completely solved.
Dmitry Sobolev: Money tends to run out, and that’s normal. But of course, spending every penny every month is bad form. Make it a habit to save 10% of any income and create your own emergency fund in a couple of years, which will give you a sense of confidence. Let the next step be a financial plan in which you reflect your goals and “wants”. Next, if you have a fund and a plan, set off to conquer new financial heights.
Credit card debts
Evgeniy: I'm afraid of credit cards. Friends borrow several hundred thousand rubles from them, and then for years they cannot get out of the debt hole.
Mikhail Steinbock: Great! I am both for such phobias.
Ekaterina Baeva: The right fear if you are not confident in your own financial discipline. Many people get hooked on the “credit needle” and find themselves in a difficult situation. If you can live without loans, that’s great; it means the person lives within his means and manages his money wisely.
Don't let your inner world be destroyed!
The fear of poverty, like other fears, can be eliminated through many rituals. I will give one of them - which can be done both for yourself and for a person close to you. It is performed on the waning moon. To carry out the ritual you will need a church candle, a pencil and paper, a glass of water and a handful of earth (in some kind of container). Light a candle. Write your name (or the name of the person you want to help) on paper. Fold the piece of paper and read the words of the conspiracy:
“As this leaf burns, as the fire smokes, so the fear of the servant of God (the servant of God - name) disappears with him, does not hide either in the house or in the soul, and leaves the earth and heaven. I conjure in the name of the Lord. Amen".
Light the paper from the candle, read the plot a second time. Say these words for the third time over the ashes. Mix it with water and pour it on the ground. Then take it back to where you took it.
The fear of poverty is born in the thoughts and actions of a person who himself attracts to himself what he thinks about. Don’t let the phobia of poverty destroy your inner world and prevent you from enjoying life; you need to fight the fear of losing money.
Treatment
Comprehensive treatment of phobia is the only way to solve the problem. Getting rid of suppressed fear occurs gradually: the patient has to work on his own thinking and behavior.
Working on the body will give positive results for individuals with low self-esteem. A treatment method is selected for a phobia with a specific history and root cause. First of all, the psychoanalyst determines the basis of the phobia.
Cognitive behavioral therapy
One of the most effective methods for combating various phobias is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is based on eliminating negative attitudes.
The psychoanalyst pushes the patient to realize the true problem. The victim of money phobia independently comes to new attitudes and conclusions: beliefs cannot be forcibly replaced. After cognitive behavioral therapy, the patient continues to work on thinking. Auto-training is used to focus on positive attitudes. At home, the victim of a phobia repeats affirmations - positive and motivating attitudes.
Manifestation
A severe phobia is a neglected condition that the victim cannot cope with. She indulges her fears and justifies them. Depending on the cause of the fear, the following symptoms of advanced fear of money are distinguished:
- panic attacks (spontaneous attacks);
- trembling in the arms and legs;
- cardiopalmus;
- increased sweating;
- aggressiveness and increased irritability;
- headaches and dizziness.
During an attack, the victim cannot control either his reactions or behavior. She completely loses control over her thoughts and body. In an attempt to reduce internal tension, the victim calms down with bad habits (smoking, alcoholism, use of psychotropic drugs).
Attacks of panic and suffocation do not go away without a trace: over time, the patient develops tachycardia, chronic migraines and sleep disturbances. The phobia affects the victim’s relationships with family or colleagues.
Accept the reality of working from home and help yourself
Due to stress and changing working conditions, many are now more tired than before and irritated, which increases the risk of burnout. Self-isolation is generally associated with deprivation, that is, a decrease in the ability to satisfy basic needs, in our case: physical activity, walks, and rest. The recommendations here are the most banal, but also the most effective:
- daily gymnastics;
- drawing boundaries between work and home (delimiting work and personal time, a dedicated workplace, an agreement with family members that they do not interfere);
- sufficient sleep;
- regular rest from the computer and other gadgets;
- ventilation.
Think and determine your personal needs in the context of communication: if you do not like personal meetings, quarantine is an excellent opportunity for you to avoid them; if, on the contrary, you need to see people’s faces, be sure to do this, call them on messengers. Even in a situation of self-isolation, you may not have enough personal space, you may get tired of relatives - then set aside time and place to be alone with yourself.
It is important to take care of yourself: understand what exactly you are missing, and try to organize work and life in general in the most pleasant way for yourself in the new conditions. Do not only what you need, but also what you want.
In addition, many, due to anxiety, uncertainty, and restrictions, are now faced with anger and aggression - both from themselves and from family members. It is important to respond to aggression in a way that will give you relief.
Exercises to quickly reduce aggression
- Seclude yourself, take a chair, imagine that it is the one with whom you are angry, and say out loud, without being shy in expressions and intonations, everything that comes to mind, or utter a sound that seems to be bursting from within at that moment. You can even take a pillow and hit a chair with it, just take care of your hands, be careful. Whether it’s worth hitting is up to you to decide, but it’s definitely necessary to express your anger. Important - this exercise has a limitation: it should not be done by people prone to aggressive outbursts.
- You can partially reduce tension, aggression and anxiety like this: stand up and start shaking your whole body, rising to your toes and lowering yourself again. You can alternately tense and relax your muscles. The principle of action is to find a physical outlet for this energy and calm down.
For lasting results after exercise, use the decision-making technique.
Suspicious banks
Ivan: I don't trust banks. They close often, so I keep my money at home.
Dmitry Sobolev: Not only jars, but also cookie or shoe boxes are suitable for storing money. But if you need money not just to be stored, but to be multiplied, it is worth considering other options, and here even banks, with a deposit amount below 1.4 million, look quite decent. By law, only banks can guarantee the safety of your deposit and its profitability. Another thing is that profitability may be far from desired.
Health is more valuable
Olya: I'm afraid that if I get sick, I may not have enough money for treatment - for example, for a complex operation.
Ekaterina Baeva: Create a reserve fund and apply for VHI, after carefully studying the conditions and offers, because many programs, on the one hand, are expensive, and on the other, contain a large number of exceptions. It is worth remembering that no matter how much they criticize our medicine, it is mostly free, so even a complex operation has every chance of being performed within the framework of state insurance, and the money will most likely be needed for life during recovery and medications - this may well be covered by the reserve fund.
