Being at a distance with a loved one is always difficult. Especially when there are deep feelings.
It's normal to feel a little sad and want to see someone with whom you feel good and comfortable. But when you feel like it’s impossible to live without a person, when he occupies all your thoughts, and you literally physically feel discomfort, this is already an alarm bell.
A red flag called “emotional dependence.” This addiction can become a problem that needs to be worked through.
In this article:
Reasons why you may be bored How to understand that you are emotionally dependent 7 tips for being bored less
Start appreciating yourself and your life
The next piece of advice on how to stop missing your loved one is to realize that you are worth a better life. You deserve all the best that is in this life, good people who will begin to appear as soon as you free yourself from unnecessary thoughts and begin to live a full life. After all, you are simply accustomed to this feeling of loss, and you are afraid to let it go. But you need to do it.
You must stop blaming yourself or your partner for failures. Free yourself from anger, anger, resentment and other negative feelings. What's done is done, it's already in the past, and you need to think about the present and the future. Therefore, start spending more time on yourself and your desires. Start meeting your friends. Start doing things that bring you pleasure and happiness. Live your life to the fullest so that you simply don’t have time to think about the past.
General Tips
There can be many reasons for separation. This includes moving, a break in a relationship, and even the death of a person. There are general recommendations that will help you cope with longing for your loved one in all these cases. Let's look at them.
Plunge yourself into your work
The best way to overcome the blues is to get busy with work. If you're used to working slapdashly, now is the time to reconsider your attitude. Work is one of the most important components in a person’s life. It is not only a source of material wealth, but also a reliable psychological support. It is through work that we feel connected to society and feel needed and useful.
Set yourself specific professional goals and start realizing them. This will not only help you take your mind off sad thoughts, but also reach a new professional level. You can enroll in advanced training courses, learn a foreign language, or master a related field. There are always opportunities for growth, no matter what you do.
Change your scenery
You can combat longing for a person from your past with new experiences. Only impressions must be vivid and emotionally rich in order to be able to push painful thoughts out of your head. Go on a trip to an unfamiliar country - the further the better. I just warn you in advance - rest should not be idle. Don't expect to lie passively on the beach for two weeks and return home with renewed thoughts.
Organize a busy program for yourself so that you don’t have a minute to think about painful thoughts. Visit museums, attractions, beautiful places. Chat with locals and immerse yourself in an unfamiliar culture. Both your head and body must be constantly busy, only then will you be able to reboot your brain.
Do some physical labor
When cats scratch at your soul, you really want to just lie buried in your pillow and do nothing. It seems that you lie down for a while and the melancholy will subside. However, this feeling is deceptive.
Idleness is the worst enemy for anyone who is overcome by sad thoughts. You kind of give the brain a signal that it’s time to turn on the energy-saving mode, and it obeys. Every day it will be more and more difficult for you to force yourself to do something. So, slowly but surely you will sink deeper and deeper into apathy.
Why does physical labor help to cope with melancholy? The fact is that the brain at a certain point in time can be focused on one thing. When we do physical work, most of the energy is directed into the muscles. There is nothing left for mental activity. Therefore, if you cannot control your thoughts, you just need to turn them off.
General cleaning, rearrangement, and gardening work are ideal for these purposes. Plunge yourself into your work, and within half an hour you will feel much better. Try to get as tired as possible and fall asleep immediately after work.
Get into the sport
Sports are another good way to stop being bored. The mechanism of its action is the same as the previous one. You need to load your body as much as possible and get as tired as possible. Strength training is best for this purpose. They are literally able to squeeze all the juice out of you, leaving no chance for painful thoughts to suck the energy out of you.
Switching technique
The next tip on how to stop missing your loved one is to use the switching technique. In this case, you need to sit in a quiet place and close your eyes. Next, try to create a negative emotion associated with your separation, and stay in it. It will be a little difficult and you won't be comfortable, but that's completely normal. Let all these feelings flow into your body. Don't be afraid to feel as bad as possible.
After that, you need to create a different feeling. Create a feeling of what you want. In my experience, it's better to look for a feeling that makes you feel good even when you're alone. How can you create the feeling of something else? We all have this ability. We can change our emotional response in an instant.
Just remember a few good words or phrases that you like and lift your spirits. Say them out loud, now sit down and repeat them in your mind. I realize this may all sound a little strange and you might want to read something more interesting. But I do this exercise all the time and it really works!
Our thoughts and feelings are a huge force. Do this exercise several times a day, every time you think about this person. Over time, you will be able to do this exercise in one fell swoop, and you will begin to feel much better. You can use this technique for everything in life.
How to understand that you are emotionally dependent
The loss of personal autonomy for any emotional reasons is emotional dependence on a person. At the same time you can feel:
- Suffering either from the inability to see the desired object, or from the fact that you cannot influence his behavior, or from the fact that the object has too much power over you;
- The impossibility of liberation from this dependence;
- Powerlessness because addiction already chronically affects behavior, general well-being, and decision-making.
How to make a man think about you?
People entering into a relationship, in any case, become dependent on each other. When one of the couple is sad or sad, the other may also become depressed. And what’s even worse is that he feels obligated to cheer up his lover.
But you don’t always want to have fun. Each person is individual, and emotional states may not always coincide at the same moment. And you don’t need to break yourself trying to synchronize.
For example, a girl who misses a guy constantly asks for attention, and she never gets enough. She writes him endless messages, imposes herself, tries to fill his whole life with herself.
And suddenly he leaves her.
Actually, not so “suddenly”. The young man was tired of constant pressure, suffocated from control and obsessive attention, did not understand how to behave so that the girl would have enough of everything.
And at the moment when talking no longer helped, he decides to live his own life. And the girl was left alone with her “I miss you,” which leads to even greater mental problems.
Who gets emotionally dependent more often?
- Problematic individuals.
These are those who have a lot of debts, conflicts, and unresolved issues.
- Occupying a socially dependent position.
Namely: children, subordinates, students, pupils.
- Dependent people.
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Those who wait and require control or guidance to action.
Periods of emotional dependence
People, as a rule, become dependent on something during difficult periods in life. The urgent need for support, consolation and sympathy binds primarily to other people.
Here are the main periods when you are most vulnerable:
- When you are sick;
- At turning points in life;
- When you are away from home;
- During periods of overload (for example, deadline);
- When moving to a new stage of life.
In moments of emotional vulnerability, a person needs an outlet. For example, a stormy holiday romance, which seemed very serious, is just a protective reaction of the psyche from being in an unfamiliar environment. That is why, after returning to the routine of life, you no longer experience those emotions so vividly.
So what should you do so as not to “strangle” your partner and not go crazy yourself?
Try to bring love back into your life
Of course, you don’t need to spend all your free time on dating sites, and immediately after breaking up with your loved one, look for a replacement. But you also don't have to be alone for long periods of time. Just look around. Perhaps there are already people in your circle who care about you.
Start spending more time with your closest people. Start attending more social events, meeting new people, and socializing more. You need to be patient. Because strong feelings don't go away quickly. And time is another assistant in the question of how to stop missing your loved one. The main thing is to endure the first months after separation. After this, you will begin to notice that negative thoughts will come less and less often.
Comfort me!
Usually, when you miss a person, you try to tell him about it as often as possible. Yes, it’s really nice to hear this to another, and he is ready to fly to you on his wings, bringing with him many surprises and consolations.
But if a person begins to use this, his melancholy takes on hypertrophied forms and literally tries to strangle the object of desire, creeping into every corner of his life. Then we are talking about pathology. Sometimes a person simply may not have the time or mood to entertain someone, and this needs to be understood. Otherwise, he will begin to isolate himself, and then stop communication altogether, so as not to take on such responsibility - to relieve someone’s boredom.
Look for joy in life
You need to start enjoying at least something. Buy something you've been wanting for a long time. Ask for a vacation from work and travel to other countries. Watch funny movies and read interesting books. Look for ways to distract yourself from reality. Try something new. Start developing new qualities in yourself, learn foreign languages, find new hobbies or interests. Overall, you should be busy doing things that bring you joy and pleasure.
Accept and let go of the situation
An important step in dealing with the consequences of a breakup is accepting the current situation. Relationships are not the whole of life, but only a small part of it. People break up for various reasons. Yes, you need to cry, talk it out, let it go through yourself and let go. After breaking up with your partner, it's easy to figure out what you can do to fill your free space. Is there any room left for meetings with friends, work, hobbies? If yes, use the switching method to shift the focus to them. If not, try to bring it all back to life.
Make a list of tasks for the day
As I said earlier, in order to stop missing your loved one, you must keep yourself busy with something. In this case, a list of tasks for the day or a list of tasks that you will switch to when you remember your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend will help you. Over time, this will become a habit and become a mechanical action. If you don't have tasks to occupy yourself with, then move on to other people. Your loved ones and friends will help you switch to other states and feelings. After communicating with them, you will have completely different thoughts and feelings.
How to stop missing someone who died
The death of a loved one is the worst tragedy that can happen. Especially if it happened suddenly. The image of the deceased will accompany you for a long time - this is absolutely normal. At first you will experience painful melancholy, and then it will give way to warm sadness. It is within your power to speed up the onset of the second stage.
Don't wallow in guilt
All people who have experienced the death of loved ones have to face a painful feeling of guilt. They reproach themselves for not paying enough attention to the person while he was alive. That they once offended him with something, didn’t say words of love, didn’t appreciate him. This painful feeling is very difficult to live with.
To get rid of it, mentally ask the person for forgiveness. Say everything you didn’t have time to say. You can write a letter and burn it or bury it in the ground. Repeat this ritual from time to time until this stone finally falls from your soul.
Take good care of the burial site
Many people do not consider it their duty to maintain order at the graves of loved ones. “The person is no longer there, which means he doesn’t need it,” they reason roughly like this. In fact, the deceased really does not need this; you and I, who are still living, need this. To pay tribute to a loved one, as a sign of gratitude for his services to us. If this is not done, a feeling of anxiety and fear will imperceptibly grow in the subconscious.
A deceased person may begin to come to you in a dream with a silent reproach on his face. Don't look for any mysticism in this. It is your subconscious that reminds you that you are ignoring very important things.
Take time to honor the person
At first, you will constantly think about the person who has passed away, and it will be very difficult for you to distract yourself from thoughts about him. But soon islands of other thoughts and activities will begin to appear in your mind. Your task is to try to gradually increase these islands.
The problem is that people themselves do not want to part with thoughts of their loved one. They think this is betrayal and blasphemy. How is it possible - it seems like he died quite recently, and they are already absorbed in everyday affairs. Guilt causes them to cling to memories and replay them in their heads like a broken record.
To prevent this from happening to you, you must distinguish between normal attention and pathological fixation. It is normal to remember the deceased from time to time, look through his photographs, and visit the grave. Continuous attention has a very negative impact on mental well-being. You can completely lose touch with reality. It’s unlikely that your loved one would want to become the cause of your unhappiness, right?
Therefore, determine for yourself the time that you will devote to the memory of the deceased. You can spend it alone with your thoughts, or you can gather in a circle of people who knew the person closely.
7. Get rid of things that remind you of this person
Another important thing that can contribute to memories of a loved one is the various things that are associated with him. You need to get rid of them as quickly as possible. If you lived together, then collect all of his or her belongings and mail them. If you find it difficult to get rid of these things, then ask your friends to help you.
Also delete your photos and correspondence on social networks together. Get rid of anything that might remind you of this person. This way you can forget him much faster and return to a normal and happy life.
Great responsibility
It's hard to find a place for yourself when you really miss a person. But on the other hand, it is worth agreeing that it is impossible to constantly be nearby and maintain the same favorable mood. People may experience fatigue, irritation, satiety with relationships and other negative mental manifestations. And with close emotional contact, these negative reactions are immediately reflected on someone else, especially if the person is emotionally dependent.
In reality, this is a huge responsibility that causes a lot of inconvenience. After all, if a person is missed, then he feels that he must at all costs cheer up, increase vitality, maintain interest, be empathic, etc. Someone who is obsessively missed really “should” do a lot of things.
And as practice shows, sooner or later he will get away from this “I miss you.” After all, it is better to get rid of all these responsibilities and go free swimming than to be a “vest”, a support and an on-call clown. This is what happens when someone misses someone pathologically - both parties suffer.
Consequences of melancholy
Melancholy generates fear and is physically and mentally exhausting. “Sick” and “sick” are the closest concepts to melancholy. We can be “sick” of the world, of ourselves. If a person feels sick, it means that he is doing something wrong in his life. There is nothing more terrible and destructive than rejection and self-loathing.
Although melancholy is similar to sadness, they are different concepts. Everyone feels sad, but sadness only strikes those who have not found or have lost themselves, their place in life. Next to longing there is always hope for a return to previous conditions, habits, emotions, people, ourselves. Melancholy is preceded by sadness, and after melancholy comes a feeling of hopelessness and depression. It is important to notice this in time and begin to solve internal problems. The phrase “don’t be sad”, of course, will not help, you need to act.
Start a renovation
Apartment renovation is a suitable alternative to a change of scenery when it is not possible to leave the city. In addition, this is an opportunity to completely immerse yourself in the process of interior renovation. The pleasant chores associated with buying wallpaper, thinking through the design and purchasing new furniture will help attract thoughts and get rid of feelings of melancholy and anxiety.
Psychologists' opinion
Scientists deny the existence of divine prophecies. Psychology identifies other signs that a man constantly keeps your image in his head. Details:
- Tries to show up more often. In society he takes a closer position.
- If he sits down, then the toes of his shoes are directed towards the person of interest.
- Activity on social networks is increasing exponentially. The guy is definitely in love.
- Unnatural behavior also reveals tension.
- His smile lasts more than 10 seconds. Fascinated.
- In the company he does not take his eyes off you.
Analogies through shared memories. It works if you haven’t communicated for a long time. But they used to love to eat pizza together. A sudden desire to dine on an Italian dish is a sign that that person has not gotten you out of his head.
Thoughts are revealed by the activity of the object. Against his will, he will choose the road that passes by your home, work, or favorite cafe.
Why does a person feel bored?
Nature has not given man anything by chance, and the feeling of boredom also has a certain significance. This unpleasant sensation allowed ancient people to maintain a group lifestyle, important for the survival of the species, increasing the effectiveness of the actions of each individual. Leaving the group, a person felt melancholy, got bored and returned. This made it possible to maintain cohesion and survive. And today, families, friendships, and family ties are preserved in this way.
Interesting: Why do pumps for inflatable attractions work constantly?
Boredom in certain places forced us to stick to familiar territories, which turned out to be the safest. Foreign lands, unexplored space are interesting, but dangerous. There, a feeling of homesickness and boredom arises, forcing one to return home.
Boredom from idleness stimulated creativity and the development of new technologies, starting from the Stone Age. When a person is full, all his work is done, he becomes bored. I want to do something interesting, enjoyable - and each person has his own inclinations. Many masterpieces, brilliant inventions arose precisely... from boredom.
Change the scenery
Leaving the city for a while, flying to the sea or visiting a friend is something that will help you switch gears and get emotional release. A change of environment has a beneficial effect on emotional imbalance. New events and acquaintances, although not for long, will captivate you. This period should be regarded not as an escape from problems, but as an opportunity for the rehabilitation of the soul.
Why does a man come back after a breakup?
