She didn’t scream, didn’t reproach with complaints, and didn’t accuse me of anything specific. She simply (in a calm and balanced tone!) said that she was tired of the relationship and that she no longer saw any point in continuing it. At first he tried to somehow stop her. It even got to the point of childish platitudes - grabbing hands, sitting on the sofa and the dead-end: “Well, explain, what’s wrong with me?” And she just got up, opened the door, looked sadly and left, at best saying: “It’s about us, not you.”
A similar situation has probably been familiar to every member of the stronger sex at least once, but, no matter what life experience, not everyone manages to learn how to survive a breakup with a girl. Of course, all responsibility for the current situation falls on the shoulders of the one who leaves, but this does not make it any easier, because both are to blame.
What men are silent about
Guys also tend to care about their loved ones, but its manifestations are not always noticeable. Even if during a quarrel or scandal a young man does not react in any way to the girl’s upset, this does not mean that he is not worried. The man is trying to find words that will calm his beloved and prove to her that there is no reason to be upset.
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How to break up with a girl beautifully and without scandals: effective ways
If a girl tells her partner that she wants to break off the relationship with him, then he falls into a severe state of shock. Often a man denies this possibility and does not know how to forget about his beloved. He is not ready to believe that the relationship is over, and when he realizes that the girl is not around, he experiences severe pain from loss.
In searching for the reason that made the woman leave, many young people blame themselves. The hardest time is for those who did not notice problems in communication and were not prepared for what happened. When a person understands that a crisis is brewing in a relationship, it is easier for him to prepare for a possible outcome
How does a man feel when breaking up?
The fact that a woman decided to break off the relationship indicates the guy’s inability to provide her with living conditions and make her happy. He feels guilty for every woman's display of dissatisfaction.
Even if the real reason lies in the partner, the young man on a subconscious level will feel responsible for the development of events. When the young lady leaves, the man feels rejected. Even though there are two people to blame for the breakdown of a relationship in any situation, the guy will be haunted by the thought that he turned out to be unworthy of the lady.
The hardest thing to find a way to get over a breakup after a long relationship is for those guys whose significant other not only decided to stop dating, but has already found a replacement for them. This behavior indicates that, given a possible choice, she preferred someone else. This becomes a severe blow to a man’s pride.
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How to ignore a girl to make you fall in love or push her away
4/ The fourth commandment. Don't do anything for show and don't live out of spite
After breaking up with a person, minimize any contact. Delete his number in your phone book so you don’t accidentally stumble upon him. Delete all correspondence. Put all your joint photographs out of sight (at least to some very distant cloud, where you won’t look for other archives). Unfollow your ex on social media. Let nothing remind you of them. If you have a common company (or common children, which, of course, is more difficult), think about how you can minimize communication. If there is an opportunity to change the situation, to leave for a while, feel free to drop everything and leave. The main thing is, don’t do anything out of spite, for show, out of a desire to prove. All this takes energy. And now you need what gives you strength: healthy sleep and nutrition, daily routine, sports, art, communication with interesting people, work, self-care, family environment. These are the areas of life that any person can rely on. And this is what gives energy. Even just following a daily routine and getting good, regular sleep will help you a lot.
And stop doing it already
Stages of separation
Often, when breaking up, men do not want to deal with depression and lose themselves. This happens more often than in women. The authors of these statistics were psychologists who conducted the research. To find ways to survive a breakup with his girlfriend, every guy needs to know all the possible stages of a breakup that he will have to go through. This will help you survive the loss without stress and loss.
Negation
After a breakup, the guy doesn't believe that this is really happening. He still hopes that his beloved will change her mind and everything will return to its previous place. The guy subconsciously refuses to accept the fact that the separation is final and the girl will not return. This is how he tries to protect himself from frustration.
Anger
After the man realizes that she really left and there is no more relationship, he begins to get angry at everyone. At himself, for not being able to hold her. On the woman, because she didn’t want to try to fix the situation and save the relationship. His hatred spreads to the whole world. This is a normal human reaction to bad news, but you need to try to understand that there is no one to blame. It's just the way things turned out.
Depression
After a man fully realizes what happened, he often becomes depressed. It lasts differently for everyone, just as it manifests itself. Some people spend days at home watching TV. Some guys try to numb the pain of loss with alcohol or drugs. Others go to great lengths. Sometimes it goes to extremes when a young man decides to commit suicide. To avoid this, it is important to pay attention in time to the guy’s excessively prolonged depressive state and consult a psychologist.
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New life
When a man goes through all the stages, overcoming melancholy and apathy, he will be able to come to terms with the breakup, put his thoughts in order and start a new life. Hobbies and acquaintances, support from family and friends - all this significantly helps to get through a difficult period and find yourself again.
In the future, everything depends on the determination and desires of the young man.
What does it mean?
It's normal and natural to feel terrible after a breakup. The chemical effect of love is similar to drug intoxication, and separation is similar to the withdrawal syndrome of an addict in the absence of a dose of a substance that usually provides a high level of dopamine. They say they experience approximately the same longing for cocaine after parting with it.
Our brains are quite capable of coping with both addiction and breakup. He just needs time. Don't rush yourself: you can process your emotions as long as you need to.
In a survey I conducted for my Telegram channel, 58% of people reported that they had lost a loved one one to five years ago, while 66% of respondents noted that they still felt pain.
Consider this an illness from which you need to recover (by the way, severe stress actually leads to a drop in immunity and increases the risk of contracting all sorts of viruses in addition to reactive depression).
Understanding that some of these heartbreaking feelings are not in the soul, but in the body, gives some relief and a sense of control. We can more or less control our body and make it experience a little less stress and get a little more pleasure.
There is no need to undermine the already unbalanced reward system with alcohol and drugs (at least, it is better to know the limits of drunken grief if you couldn’t resist). Help your dopamine. Of the useful entertainments, he most likes movement, knowledge and the fulfillment of small short-term goals. The reward system will reward you with a boost for making and following through on plans, whether it's cleaning the house, watching those long-postponed movies, trying to go for your first run in three years, or even clearing out the spam in your inbox until it's completely empty.
This is why many people, after a breakup, make amazing personal progress in sports and education, because they free up a large resource of attention and motivation.
Communication with a close circle helps to get a little joy and peace: family, friends, like-minded people - the brain “loves” social acceptance. And, of course, we must not forget about healthy relaxation methods: walks in the fresh air, massage, meditation and various relaxation techniques.
Is it worth returning to the relationship?
Sometimes a man is not mentally ready to let the lady go and be left alone. He doesn’t know how to continue to be alone, so he is looking for ways to return his beloved and restore relationships. In some cases, this is the right decision; the beloved may say about breaking up under the influence of emotions after a quarrel. But it is important to understand in time whether this relationship is worth a second chance.
Perhaps the guy is driven not by love, but by other emotions:
- He is afraid to be alone. Believes that he will not build new relationships. In such a situation, a young man urgently needs to increase his self-esteem.
- Fears that the next passion will be worse than the previous one. Although more often the opposite happens.
- If your pride is hurt, new acquaintances and flirting will help correct the situation.
- If falling in love does not go away after breaking up, you should wait. Time is the best medicine.
- When the problem is a banal habit, it is important to realize that going back to the past is not the answer.
Losing your own identity
In many ways, psychological frustration after a breakup is due to the fact that during the relationship we integrate a partner into our identity. Many people look at themselves through the eyes of a lover and borrow his vision for self-identification and for building a picture of the future. Taking one of the main elements out of this picture causes us to experience a feeling of destruction of the self-image and a loss of control over our lives and confusion.
Often we grieve not so much for a specific person, but for the picture of our “self” that he allowed us to build. Awareness of this fact helps to shift the focus to working on your condition.
The question “who am I?” - a normal existential question for singles and married people, polyamorous people, young people and old people. Its complexity forces us to look for an answer - in activism, creativity or philosophy. It just sounds louder in moments of crisis.
Use this moment to reflect on what you expect from life and who you want to become. Otherwise you will fall in love again, and there will be no time for existentialism.
How to survive a breakup: advice from psychologists
Men are not as strong creatures as they might seem, and they also experience a breakup acutely. If you can’t cope with the consequences of a breakup on your own, you need to consult a psychologist. The following advice from psychoanalysts will also help you survive the breakup:
- There is no need to give up on life. Each man is a separate person who has desires and needs. You need to find a new hobby and diversify your everyday life. This will help you forget about depressing thoughts.
- In any quarrel, both partners are to blame; blaming everything on the woman is unmanly.
- Even such simple joys as an interesting film or an unusual dish can help lift your spirits.
- The ex-girlfriend needs to be forgiven and forgotten. You should not seek meetings with her or find out how she is doing.
- The most important point is accepting the fact of the breakup. After this, the young man will feel much better.
All goes to good
If we talk about my experience and practice, I know many more people for whom a difficult breakup was beneficial than those for whom long-term relationships brought happiness. It's not that long-term relationships are bad, it's that most of them need a shake-up. And parting often becomes a necessary kick for men - an impetus for development that was so lacking.
Men who come to us most often want to restore relationships that have broken up. After some time, most of them have completely different goals: to develop, to live a full life, to become better every day. Some of them get their exes back and build relationships with them from scratch, on their own terms. Some of them give up the idea of returning, looking at their ex with a sober mind and realizing that they were unhappy in their relationship with her.
Therefore, everything is in your hands. But first you need to deal with your emotions.
How to survive: a step-by-step plan
When nothing makes you happy, it is important to correct the current situation. Separation from a loved one is always difficult for everyone. But this is not a reason to give up and become depressed. You need to create an approximate schedule of actions for the future and stick to it relentlessly or listen to the advice of a psychologist:
- Unwind. You need to sort out all the things that have been put off, fly to the sea with friends or visit an evening club. This will help you take your mind off what is happening and get the departed young lady out of your memory. Internally experiencing negative emotions will lead to serious health problems.
- There's no need to blame anyone. The reason for the breakup lies in the behavior of both partners. Only time will help to understand who is more or less to blame. It will also show whether there is an opportunity to correct the situation. After the loss of a relationship, attempts to understand the current state of affairs will not yield any results, since the guy is overcome by emotions and cannot adequately assess what is happening.
- Diversify your everyday life with trips to a cafe, cinema, or museum. This will help occupy your thoughts with more interesting things than suffering over a lost relationship.
- The first time after a breakup, each of the former partners experiences it differently, so you should try to have as little contact as possible. Random encounters will make things worse and open up unhealed wounds.
- Interest in the personal life of an ex-girlfriend will not bring satisfaction to a guy. It’s worth leaving the thought of finding out how she behaves after the breakup, whether she’s worried or has already found a new boyfriend. If the love has not yet passed, this will make the man suffer even more. When it turns out that the young lady has started a new relationship, this will only provoke an attack of self-pity.
- The current circumstances must be perceived as a useful life lesson. Every meeting is given to a person for happiness or experience. Perhaps the guy will meet his true love, and a lost relationship would bring nothing but frustration.
- You can pay attention to other girls. The man is surrounded by many interesting and beautiful young ladies who don’t mind getting to know him better.
A little about selfishness
Deep down, every person is a little selfish. People who understand and take this for granted are much less worried about breaking up a relationship. In love, each partner draws strength and emotions, finds support in difficult situations, so it is worth evaluating separation from the other side - as closing a depleted resource.
When a relationship ends, you just need to find another person with whom you can live a happier life together.
Let's get distracted
After a breakup, it is important to stop feeling guilty and just let the situation go. The main assistant in this will only be time. Gradually, the man realizes that even if his girlfriend left him, life does not end there, because the situation is not so bad. There are many hobbies to occupy your free time with. It would be a good idea to remember what the guy liked to do before he met his ex, or to start building a career. It will take no more than one month to fully restore emotional balance.
When a man begins to master new heights, he has certain advantages as a bonus:
- He is morally supported by his surroundings.
- The young man understands that breaking up a relationship is not the end of the world. There are many things worth living for.
- While moving towards the intended goal, the man does not pay attention to extraneous problems.
- A pleasant surprise is a lot of free time that you can spend as you wish.
Practice
For ex-girlfriends, it is a real blow that the guy achieves great success after breaking up. In this case, it does not play a special role in what exactly. But the biggest shock will be the external changes in the guy, when from an inconspicuous “wimp” he turns into a pumped-up handsome man. Many hours of exercise in the gym or on the sports ground will allow you to pump up your muscles and tighten your figure, and will be an excellent antidepressant that will distract you from worries about lost love.
Focus on yourself
After the loss of a relationship, a young man has a large amount of time freed up, but along with it, thoughts arise about how to live further. It’s worth looking for the advantages of the current life situation: you don’t have to report where and how he spends his evenings. He can finally live for himself. Go fishing overnight, get your car repaired. Therefore, instead of grieving for what was lost, it is worth doing those things that have long been postponed until later.
Focus on work
A good method for getting rid of depression is complete immersion in work. It’s worth picking up a part-time job and taking a double rate. The main thing is that the man does not have free time for empty worries. It often happens that a breakup negatively affects the self-esteem of a young person. Successfully climbing the career ladder will significantly increase your self-esteem.
In addition, actively dedicating your time to work will help improve your financial situation.
Start reading a large series of books
Literature is a huge fantasy world that will help you come to terms with a breakup. It is necessary to choose books that will completely absorb the reader with their plot. Of course, it is better to choose large literature cycles that will take a lot of time to read. A school curriculum, for example, “War and Peace,” is suitable, but you can also choose modern works.
Family
The relationship took up almost all of his time, so the man had not fully communicated with his family for a long time. Now is the right time to correct the situation. It is worth visiting all the relatives whom he has not seen for a long time, staying with them for several days. A cozy, friendly atmosphere will allow you to forget about your problems for a while and completely immerse yourself in the warmth of the family hearth. You should not go through troubles completely alone, because every person has a reliable rear in the form of his family, which will support him in any situation.
Search for something new
Starting a new relationship when old wounds from the loss of a loved one have not yet healed is difficult. But this is not a reason to withdraw into yourself and become a hermit. Of course, you shouldn’t start chatting with the first girl you meet. In everything you need to know when to stop. You should make several new acquaintances and, perhaps, one of them will completely change the person’s mood. After all, somewhere there is a girl walking around who will become his companion for life.
Cut off all contacts
To avoid the temptation to write or call your ex-girlfriend, the guy needs to delete all her contacts - social networks, phone numbers. In addition, it wouldn’t hurt to remove all her photos and videos and any messages from digital media. If the breakup was accompanied by a scandal, it is difficult to remain on friendly terms with the lady. In any case, there will be awkwardness in communication, each meeting will be difficult.
In some cases, the ex-girlfriend begins to irritate the man with one look, which is not at all conducive to building friendly relations. If the young man is still in love, then trying to remain friends will only hurt him even more. Only couples who have been dating for a short time can afford a peaceful separation. Trying to put on a welcoming face when meeting an ex-girlfriend is a waste of time.
Remember your friends
Faithful comrades will not leave a friend in any case and will always support him. It’s worth having a picnic - it will help the guy relieve stress and take his mind off sad thoughts. Joint sports activities will be beneficial, but it is better to choose something extreme, adrenaline will be very useful.
The loss of a relationship is always a painful process that is accompanied by long adaptation, especially if the man is still in love. Although guys prefer not to show weakness and keep all their experiences inside, it doesn’t make it any easier. It is very important to be able to survive a difficult period and understand how to live on.
Allow yourself to leave forever: there is nothing left to decide, no need to cling
Let yourself go forever.
Understand that there is nothing and no one to resolve.
Some of you messed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.
No matter how painful it may be, give yourself the opportunity to leave forever.
Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.
Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.
Understanding this will close your worries about thoughts about how to survive the breakup of relationships with loved ones.
