In the modern world, few people can be surprised by the fact that a married man has an affair on the side. A faithful spouse is already considered an exception to the rule. But who are these women who take men away from their families? Or rather, they are only flattering themselves with the hope that they are taking them away. This relationship is doomed to break from the start. According to statistics, only 1 out of 100 love unions on the side end in marriage. And this is not a logical conclusion that guarantees great love and a happy future. Some men return to the women they betrayed. And the fate of a mistress, like the grandmother from Pushkin’s fairy tale, is to cry at a broken trough.
If you belong to the category of mistresses, prepare for the fact that your man will leave sooner or later. After all, when making a girlfriend on the side, a married man pursues certain goals that are far from his mistress’s idea of their relationship:
- Self-affirmation. After several years of marriage, the feelings of loving people become dull. Men are like children - they definitely need to be sure that they are loved and they are worthy of this love. For him, you became the object on which he simply double-checked the effectiveness of his masculine charms. That's all!
— Illness of my wife. There are times when a wife is very sick and, for some physical or moral reason, cannot satisfy her husband’s intimate needs. You are the first opportunity that comes along to replace your wife in bed. During her illness.
- Tickle your nerves. An outside relationship is a great chance to get bright emotions, an adrenaline rush, and a change in familiar surroundings. But soon it gets boring, you want simple warmth and comfort.
All of the above factors do not prevent husbands from continuing to love their wives. And one can only feel sorry for you, because you allowed yourself to fall in love with a “stranger” person. You can't do this.
Perhaps when the relationship began, you did not know that he had a family. But that's no excuse. Separating from your beloved married man is a difficult but necessary step. At first it will become very difficult for you, but then you will respect yourself for this act.
Ways to help you get through a difficult period
There are many ways to quickly recover from a breakup with your married partner. They will ease the breakup and the stages of experiencing separation. You can change your appearance, your place of residence, go on a trip, take up a new hobby, meet with friends more, or focus all your energy on building a career.
Changes in appearance
You can start by changing your appearance. To do this, you need to invite your friends to go shopping and buy new things. Then go to a beauty salon, get a haircut, recolor your hair, cut off your bangs if you’ve never had them in your life, or get a bio-perm. You should also refresh your manicure and try a color that you haven’t painted your nails before. These procedures will distract you from your worries and help you cope with melancholy.
Change of residence or travel
When the ghosts of the past haunt you after breaking up with your lover, frequent meetings with him occur, this begins to excite your feelings. If possible, then you can move to live in another area or even city, so that familiar places do not remind you of your former lover.
If the idea of moving is rejected, it’s enough to change the environment for a while and go on a trip. It will allow you to escape from memories, experience new emotions, and get rid of sadness. New experiences will help you get over the breakup faster. During the trip you will meet people who will tell you a lot of interesting things. Excursions to famous places will fill the mind with new facts and useful information, so there will be no time to experience the feelings of a breakup. And it would be a shame to waste time on this.
If it is not possible to change your place of residence or go on a trip, it is enough to at least start cleaning the apartment. Physical labor is a great fight against sadness. Rearranging your apartment is also not such an impossible idea. The new interior will refresh your thoughts and restore peace of mind. Changing the wallpaper or curtains would also work. Getting rid of old junk will also help.
Interesting hobby
A new hobby can reboot your brain and distract you from suffering. There are many ideas: learn to knit, sew, embroider, play the guitar, take up dancing, sign up for yoga, master the splits. Book lovers should start collecting a library, sorting books by genre, writer, cover color. After this process, you can sit in a chair with a cup of tea or coffee, pick up a book and go on a literary binge. Let the book be about love, suffering, in which you can see the ways in which the heroes of the book pages experience grief. After reading some works, your own story will seem funny and absurd.
For those who don't like books, head straight to the gym or the skating rink. In the gym, physical activity will help you take your mind off your worries, and at the skating rink you will have the opportunity to learn how to skate if someone doesn’t know how. In winter you can go skiing.
Communication with friends or relatives
Depression is a dangerous thing. It’s better not to be alone, but to invite guests: girlfriends, parents, friends. You can go to them yourself. Communication with loved ones will allow you to express all the pain, hear and feel the support of family and friends. They will tell you other stories from life, and when you hear them, you understand that you are not the only one to whom this happened.
Career Focus
Being immersed in work really helps many people, because there is no time left to think about personal problems. And in the evening, when you return home, you don’t have the strength to think about them. Some people even take work home just to immerse themselves in it and not let bad thoughts enter their heads. Only career, only work.
Classic mistakes to avoid
Sometimes women make mistakes when breaking up: they keep their lover’s things, abuse alcohol or food. It’s strange that the girl broke up with the man who preferred his wife, and she keeps his toothbrush or shirts at home. We urgently get rid of them so that they do not torment us with memories when they come across our eyes.
You definitely shouldn’t drink yourself to death or eat your grief with buns. There are many other ways to distract yourself from the problem. Alcohol and baked goods, on the contrary, will add more problems in the form of headaches, hangovers, binge drinking and excess weight. And if you indulge in sweets, then you will also have problems with your teeth. Parting with your lover is a great reason to take care of yourself, proper nutrition, and things that you haven’t had time for for a long time.
Believing that life is over is also a mistake. It continues and you need to fill it with new emotions, impressions, goals and achievements. There was a lot of time to learn to live without a former lover and enjoy other processes.
Thus, in order to break up with your lover, you need to carefully prepare for a conversation with him, choose your words, and tune in to possible resistance on his part. You must immediately decide for yourself that resuming the relationship is impossible. It will be difficult to move through the stages of loss, but there are many ways to help ease the experience.
Disadvantages of a relationship with a married man, or how to quickly forget an affair
Focus on the downsides of such a relationship. Try not to remember your meetings and turn off all emotions. Consider whether the novel has a future. Only a reasonable analysis of the situation will help you forget a married man.
Misconception about separation from family. A man can talk a lot about how many factors prevent him from separating from his wife. Be it the lack of her own income at the moment, the difficult situation in the family, the lack of independence of the children. But if a man really has a desire to be with you always, he will not see any obstacles to this. Otherwise, he agrees to the current format of relations.
The misconception that your feelings are not serious. You do not consider these relationships important and meaningful to life. But are such arguments true? Are you sure that your feelings won't get worse? At the stage when a seemingly meaningless relationship with a married man develops into great and strong love, it will not be easy to forget them.
Even if it works out. Let's say a man finally broke up with his wife and came to you. The relationship has reached a new level, but everyday life and routine have been added to it. They burden the man, and the woman no longer feels desired. Don't you think that he will take another woman instead of his mistress? Do you agree to accept such a situation or would you prefer to immediately forget the married man?
The difficulties of secret meetings. At the beginning of a relationship, secret dates add mystery to the relationship. Together you go through another quest on how to achieve what you want and remain unnoticed. Overcoming obstacles to meeting together turns both partners on. However, such a game becomes exhausting over time.
I just want to be together, walk hand in hand, chat in a cafe and not look around. The woman is tired of the fact that the man does not pay attention to her in front of everyone, hides their relationship from others, hides her from his friends. Such meetings quickly lose their charm
If the secret format of the relationship does not suit you, you should forget the married man.
Lack of respect. The status of a mistress, as a rule, is condemned by society. A married man hides you because he is ashamed of this relationship. This behavior is unlikely to please the woman he is dating. Could a lack of respect make you think about getting over this man?
Dismissive behavior The position of a mistress usually does not involve providing a choice in resolving issues. A man simply confronts you with a fact, and there is no other choice but to accept his conditions, otherwise you can forget about the relationship. You put up with his frequent lateness, canceled meetings, sudden disappearances. How long can you endure this?
If you are in a relationship with a married man, you can probably name a few more points that do not suit you. Remember them often to draw the right conclusions. If the relationship is not developing and your future is not planned, it is better to forget the married man.
The stages a girl goes through after a breakup
A breakup is a kind of loss. It is always difficult to experience, especially if people have spent a long time together and got to know each other well. But the man remains with his wife, the mistress is tired of being in the background, she breaks off the relationship, experiences pain. It is difficult to enter the calm channel of life; you have to get used to new circumstances. During this period, the mistress goes through several stages:
- non-acceptance of the situation;
- rage;
- bargain;
- depression;
- new life.
Each stage has its own distinctive characteristics. Going through them is difficult, but inevitable. You need to pull yourself together, even if it seems impossible.
Not accepting the situation
At the first stage, a contradiction occurs - the girl does not believe that she has broken up with the man. It always seems to her that this is a dream, it’s not true, it’s not happening to her. She believes that a day, a week or a month will pass and they will be together again. He will return or she will return him. Everything will happen again: meeting, hugs, kisses, sex, dates, evenings together. It seems that this is just a quarrel, they will soon make up. She is already ready to share him with his wife, if only he would be nearby.
A withdrawal occurs, a desire arises to see him again, to possess him again. If you feel that everything is useless, then you should sign up for a consultation and hear the advice of a psychologist.
Fury
He doesn’t appear, you don’t see him, don’t hear him, don’t feel him anymore. There comes a period of anger and rage when you realize that there is no love and never will be. Anger arises towards everyone around you, as if it were their fault that you left him. Or he you. Then comes a period of transferring the blame onto yourself for leaving the person you love, even if he was married.
Bargain
The rage subsides, the mind becomes clearer, and a conversation with oneself begins. It examines options for the development of events, determining the time required to renew the relationship. This allows the psyche to get used to negative emotions, the thought that a separation has occurred. In the process of reflection, the girl tries to understand her mistakes, to imagine what would happen if she turned back time. The partner already seems ideal, and the blame at this stage is completely shifted to the mistress.
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Why do men need mistresses: reasons for adultery
Depression
The understanding comes that it is pointless to deny what happened. The girl becomes indifferent, she is sad, she becomes depressed. The woman begins to miss the past, the moments she experienced in her relationship with her lover. It seems to her that life is over, she simply exists automatically. There is no pleasure from life.
It seems to her that she is a log carried by the current. She feels nothing, her soul is tired of fighting and worrying. Finally, the lady realizes that the past will not return, but life goes on. Some people who lie around all day and stare at the ceiling may need help from a psychologist. At this stage, you need to cry in order to easily move to the next stage.
Life with a clean slate
Gradually, the girl comes to understand that she needs to pull herself together. She is ready to make new plans, achieve new goals. She feels a surge of strength, a desire to carry out her plans. A woman emerges from depression and becomes humble. She sums up her past life, completes the things she started and starts new ideas. The feeling of loss no longer bothers her; she strives to change her life for the better. Grievances are forgotten, new acquaintances and relationships are formed.
Useful advice from psychologists
Most men react quite strongly to a breakup. There are very useful tips from a psychologist that will help everyone cope with shock:
- New hobbies - do not lose yourself under any circumstances. Each guy is an individual with his own preferences and hobbies.
- Do not look for those to blame - in any quarrel there are always two people to blame. Therefore, there is no point in looking for a reason in the behavior of only one person.
- Small joys - an interesting film or book, a delicious exotic dish - will undoubtedly bring pleasure and distract from problems.
- No communication with your ex - and no searching for information about her. Forgive and forget.
- Accept the fact that the relationship is no longer there and move on with your life. It's not as difficult as it might seem at first.
Breaking up a relationship is a difficult test for a man’s psyche, especially if the initiator is a girl. But this is not the end. Life is just beginning. The main thing is to analyze the mistakes and make efforts to not repeat them again.
Breaking up a relationship feels like betrayal
After all, just recently there was a feeling that this person would be there forever, and life could only be imagined with him. At such moments, it seems that this is a temporary disorder, it will pass and everything will work out.
Maybe this is a temporary pause, not a break? But how do you understand: this is the end of a relationship or a necessary pause in order to realize that it is simply impossible to live without each other. How not to make a mistake? After all, it is at such moments that a feeling of resentment, misunderstanding, and a huge amount of mental pain overwhelms you. At such moments, you want to disappear, hide from everything that is happening, forget it, like a bad dream. I want to quickly get rid of resentment, pain and replace this pain with something or someone. But doubts arise in my head: what if it’s just a misunderstanding and everything will work out? After all, there was a stormy, crazy love. What if, in a fit of emotion, you make a mistake and then regret it for the rest of your life?
Be reasonable, do not make decisions in a fit of emotion, but also do not indulge yourself with unnecessary illusions, assess the situation sensibly. After all, the wrong decision can lead to new problems. If you already understand that the old relationship cannot be returned, and you have firmly decided to get rid of the past, then do it to the end.
Advice from psychologists: how to survive a breakup
Girls know that love is a great happiness if there is reciprocity. We are ready to devote our whole lives to our loved ones, to our family, but the loss of love often becomes a tragedy, dreams and plans for the future collapse, and a feeling of emptiness and loneliness arises. However, there are situations when it is impossible to avoid separation: betrayal, choosing another life partner, severe alcohol addiction, other difficulties and bad habits.
So, how to survive a breakup with a loved one, advice from psychologist A. Zberovsky:
If you are sure that the relationship is worth ending, then it is important to be decisive and make a clear choice. You shouldn’t hold on to a person who has tried to leave several times; you can’t mend a broken cup; there’s been no trust or the necessary level of intimacy for a long time. Don’t allow yourself to dramatize the situation, love is not the last, the main thing is to draw the right conclusions and not repeat mistakes in life. Listen less to sad songs that make you depressed. You shouldn’t complain to others, develop a sense of victimhood, there are always causes and consequences, we look for them, we draw conclusions. Eliminate self-pity, thoughts of losing the meaning of life, it is there, you need to look for and find it - hobbies, family, friends. Life is very valuable. Remember about your health, play sports, spend negative energy on useful things. It’s good to reconsider your life, set new goals, become more successful, and regain self-confidence. Friendship after love is unlikely, rather an attempt by one of the partners to return everything to normal, it is better not to take risks and keep your distance
Don't delve into your ex's life, start building your own new life. You shouldn’t blame absolutely all men and be embittered; in the future it’s possible to meet a worthy person if you don’t close your heart to love. Don’t rush to find a new partner to spite your ex-lover. It’s better to first get over the breakup, decide on priorities in life, and requirements for your new lover. Work on your image; experimenting with your appearance lifts your spirits and attracts the attention of men. It is useful to be in society, meet friends, travel, and not isolate yourself. Life goes on. Remember, all people are different, it is impossible to find a similar man, another will have personal merits and advantages. Think over the reasons for the breakup, how to avoid mistakes in the future, study male psychology.
Of course, the psychologist is a man, it is difficult for him to understand the emotionality and impressionability of girls. You understand how to survive a breakup with your beloved man over the years of your life and the heart wounds you have received. There are times when you need to cry, but you shouldn’t prolong the stress. Set an internal limit on your experiences - a couple of weeks, a month at most, then depression.
You can't delay it. It’s better to switch to other things, thoughts, and drive away memories. If it is very difficult and impossible to live peacefully, then it is better to go to a neurologist or psychiatrist. Sedatives will help reduce pain and stress of separation. The main thing is not to self-medicate; a specialist will better select treatment for a “broken heart.”
When thinking about how to survive a breakup with a loved one, you should turn to people’s experiences, read books and advice from psychologists. Let's consider the female perspective and recommendations of Ksenia Belyakova, presented in the book “Life is just beginning, or how to survive a breakup with a loved one.”
How to get through a difficult period
Dealing with the end of a relationship is not easy: waves of stress, despair and hatred roll in one after another. To pull yourself together and continue to fight for a happy future, you need:
- Train yourself to enjoy the little things every day. Bringing positivity out of small details is a habit that can be developed. Psychotherapist and author of the book “How to stay sane” Philippe Peri believes that if a person’s brain is not used to extracting pleasant emotions from what is happening, the neural pathways responsible for positive news are not activated. If the brain does not know how to “turn on” “good” neurons, a person cannot produce good news on his own, so he programs himself to feel bad.
- Realize that bad experiences are just as valuable as good ones. Experiences should not be avoided or ashamed. It is not for nothing that a person is given a whole range of feelings. Negative emotions are a guide to a person, his actions, a “warning sign” that asks him to stop and think. Only by experiencing and accepting certain emotions is a person able to analyze them and prevent mistakes in the future.
- Shift attention from yourself to other people. To feel better, it is common practice in Christianity to pray for other people. You don't have to be a religious person to wish your neighbor happiness. With kind deeds towards others, your own mental relief will come.
You can get through this difficult time by reminding yourself why such a step was taken.
Analysis of situations
Every relationship is special, so the ways to forget a married person will also be different. You simply value some advantages of your relationship; you yourself cannot leave your husband. The most difficult situation is when you need to forget a married man whom you love with all your heart, but he doesn’t love you.
How to survive the pain of parting if you love him
When a girl experiences serious, real feelings for her ex-lover, the separation causes extreme pain. If you don’t help yourself cope with negative feelings (tears, resentments), the process can become lengthy and turn into depression.
When you cannot be with a person because he has a responsibility to his wife and children, and the prospect of a mistress is impossible for you, then the only way out is to forget the married man you love.
To erase memories of a guy from your memory, you need to increase your self-esteem and confidence. When you respect and value yourself, you realize that you do not deserve such a relationship. You deserve more - a person who appreciates you and makes you happy. How can you love someone who hurts? Figure out why you need to experience this pain, because love is a wonderful feeling that can be mutual and fill a person with energy, happiness and inspiration.
Take off your rose-colored glasses and perceive your lover as he is. You can forget the man you love who is married to another woman without idealizing him. These are his actions and choices towards you.
If you are married yourself
Married women also have lovers. In this case, an affair with a married man is not superficial. There are good reasons for him - the girl has problems with her own husband and is trying to fill the emotional void in the relationship. At the same time, a married admirer may not live up to her hopes and turn out to be frivolous. Then the woman is faced with the question of how to forget her lover if she is strongly attracted to him.
In order to save the family and prevent the husband from finding out about the other, you should end the secret relationship as soon as possible, since men rarely forgive their wives for infidelity, and it is difficult to regain former trust. You need to think about two important tasks: how to forget your lover and love your husband again. The following steps may help in this situation:
- Understand that your husband is an important person in life; you have a lot in common with him.
- Try to restore your former relationship with your spouse. Have romantic evenings and spend quality time.
- Bring back memories with photos.
- Compare two men, highlight those qualities in which the husband is much better.
- Have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse, talk about what you want. Have a constructive conversation: listen to his point of view. You should admit to cheating only if you are sure that it will not completely destroy the marriage.
- Become the same for your husband as you are for your lover. Try to surprise him, entice him, and be interesting to him.
If he left you and doesn't love you
If the initiator of the breakup was a man, then the problem arises of how to forget and let go of a married lover. When a girl hoped for this relationship, wanted to become a wife, she needs to try to forget him. You should not create scandals and sort things out - this will only prolong the negative moment. But during this period you need to distract yourself, for example, communication with relatives, friends, and loved ones will help. If your head is constantly busy with work, then other thoughts will disappear.
You can do something new and immerse yourself in some earthly affairs. The main thing is not to call, write or insist on a meeting.
The girl needs to take three mandatory steps:
- To forget someone who does not love, you must accept the situation. Understand that everything is destroyed and there is no more relationship.
- Give free rein to your emotions. To throw out your pain, you are allowed to break dishes, tear sheets, cry.
- You can tell your story on paper or to a person you trust.
Options for behavior depending on the man’s reaction
A man’s reaction to his mistress’s statement about separation can be anything. What he can do:
- persuade to stay;
- threaten;
- promise to marry;
- press for pity.
You need to be prepared for anything when you are going to talk to your lover about a breakup.
If he persuades or begs
It is not so difficult to tell your lover about breaking up as to resist his persuasion to stay. Even if at first he agreed with the decision to break up, then he will begin to look for an opportunity to see each other again. This is fraught with the fact that both will hold on for a while and pretend that everything is over.
Subsequently, both will not be able to stand it and will again find themselves in each other’s arms. The romance will not last long, everything will happen again. The problem of loneliness and a cold bed will return, and he will go to his family. Having decided to break up, you don’t need to give in to your partner’s persuasion. It’s better to blacklist him on social networks, block his number, and leave the city for a while, if possible.
In case of threats
A married woman will have to listen to threats when breaking up with her lover. Not wanting to let the lady go, the man is able to blackmail her by telling her husband about their relationship if she leaves him. And a married lover is capable of threatening to bill the girl for everything he has invested in her: expensive gifts, an apartment, a car. There is only one way out - to pretend to be a frigid woman who will no longer satisfy him in bed.
Another promise to legitimize relations
A situation often encountered in love melodramas: a man persuades his mistress not to leave him, vows to tell his wife everything, leave her and marry a new lover. Such cases also occur in life. The mistress will melt, agree to wait, and everything will start in a circle again. Every evening he goes to his wife, leaving the other lady alone. She runs out of patience again, she announces a breakup, and he again declares that he will divorce his wife and marry her. If this continues, then the man will no longer divorce. You need to break up completely and irrevocably.
READ
How to quickly forget your lover and get rid of pain
You should turn on ignore, find something that will help you distract yourself and start a new relationship, but with a free person.
Pressures on pity and scares with suicide
There are also individuals who threaten suicide if their mistress leaves. Conversations are useless; a man does not go to a psychologist. The lady needs to maintain her composure. Here, too, the method described above will come to the rescue - become frigid so that your lover no longer wants you.
If this option doesn’t suit you, we try to create scandals as often as possible. Men cannot stand shouting, reproaches, or nitpicking over trifles. Jealousy of everything living and inanimate can also affect and enrage him.
How do people cope with breakups?
It's no secret that one of the basic needs of an individual is the need for love. But as soon as your mind begins to understand that you and your love have been betrayed, reality is perceived in gray. Because of this, depression sets in, and it is very difficult for the body to readjust and accept the changed conditions, since the brain is still absorbed in love memories.
At first after a breakup, the experiences seem unbearable and painful. Women can spontaneously shed tears; they find it unbearable to look at couples in love and wedding processions. Men also suffer, but try not to show it to others. In the future, they categorically forbid themselves from falling in love again, thereby trying to protect themselves from new suffering. Sometimes men unknowingly begin to take revenge on all women: by purposefully falling in love with them, and then abruptly abandoning them.
The period of separation can be marked by severe depression with lingering symptoms, as well as the following signs: motor retardation, decreased mood, pessimistic outlook on life, loss of interest in everything that is happening. A depressive state is marked by a decrease in self-esteem. To relieve unpleasant sensations, people often resort to drinking alcohol, as well as other available psychotropic substances.
How do people cope with breakups? Psychologists have noted that after parting with their loved ones, people regret not for them, but for the emotions and sensations that they received from their partners. Therefore, a person shows pity and selfishness towards himself.
Conducted research indicates that separation is often a severe psycho-emotional shock, leading to frustration, psychological discomfort, as well as a feeling of humiliation and loss of self-worth.
Parting undermines a person’s deepest beliefs about devotion, love, and family. In this case, both feelings, emotions, and the system of beliefs, beliefs and worldview become vulnerable.
The results of studies of people during separation showed the prevalence of two models of behavior - the aggression complex and the victim complex. The aggression complex is marked by emotions of bitterness, bitterness, irritation, desire for retribution, revenge and self-aggression.
The victim complex is characterized by apathy, resentment, humiliation, helplessness, sadness, decreased vitality, and painful memories.
The person feels helpless and also unable to overcome the consequences of separation. He often blames himself for what happened and his inability to foresee the development of such events in a timely manner. In women, the severity of sacrifice is more prevalent than in men.
The aggression complex occurs due to feelings of injustice, as well as forms of auto-aggression and self-accusation.
Other signs of anxiety include: emotional numbness, suicidal tendencies, feelings of hopelessness, global inhibition of feelings, and psychosomatic symptoms. Difficulties often arise when performing ordinary household or work duties.
The experience of separation leaves an imprint on all subsequent relationships. Having experienced psychological trauma, people do not enter into new relationships soon. Often a person suffers from loneliness for a long time, but does not make any attempts to make new acquaintances due to internal unpreparedness.
How to break up with a married lover
How to part with an unfree lover if he does not let go?
Often an unfree man does not leave his wife and does not want to let go of his secret lover. From the outside, such behavior is even amusing. They also say something about women's logic!
In such a situation, the mistress is in a kind of “limbo” state and often does not know what to do next. The lover swears his love - and continues to live with his wife. He calls him his only one - and after the phone call he hides his guilty eyes and says that he needs to go home... Why?
The fact is that the man is quite happy with this situation. He is fueled by the energy of two women who love him; in addition, the suffering of his wife and mistress and their jealousy elevate the insidious traitor in his own eyes, help him to assert himself, and he, as a rule, does not want to part with any of the women.
If your lover doesn't allow you to leave, you don't have to wait until your self-esteem completely falls. Let him know that you are not his property, which he can dispose of as he wishes.
The man will begin to manipulate, come, tell you how bad he feels without you and how much he loves you. Give in - everything will start all over again, so it’s better to put an end to it yourself.
How to break up with a man if you love him?
You can’t order your heart, no one argues with this, quite naturally the question comes to mind - why should I part with the one I love? So what if he has a wife? A mistress for a married man is a holiday woman, and let him bring all the problems to his wife, with whom, of course, he lives out of habit, because of the children or out of pity.
Are you ready to be on the sidelines? It means you're just unsure of yourself. A self-sufficient, independent and self-confident woman will never stoop to an affair with a married man. She will not be happy with “what she got.”
It follows from this that in order to end a relationship with a married man, a mistress needs to increase her self-esteem and learn to value herself. To do this, it is recommended to visit a good psychologist.
How to act correctly
To start taking action, you need to gain willpower and determination. There is no need to doubt and replay in your memory the events that happened in the relationship. You should refuse to sort things out, make calls, view photos and pages on a social network. You need to prepare carefully for a conversation with your lover, choose a place, time and appropriate words.
Awareness and acceptance of the futility of relationships
First you need to understand that such relationships will not last forever. Breakup will happen sooner or later. You need to be able to respect yourself, understand that you deserve better treatment. To decide to break up, you can use the method of balancing the pros and cons of the situation. To do this, the negative and positive aspects of the breakup are written down on the piece of paper. You need to find more advantages so that they motivate you to break up and start a new life.
Choosing a place and time for dialogue with your lover
The place to talk with your lover is chosen carefully. It must be safe if the partner is capable of showing aggression. At home, in a fit of rage, he can hit, shout, or try to persuade you to continue dating, put you to bed, after which everything will start all over again. It is better to choose a place where there are a lot of people. This will prevent the lover from showing aggression and pressure. The time must be chosen at your own discretion. At lunchtime there will be a chance to quickly lay everything out and leave, leaving no attempts to persuade him to stay. But it’s better to meet in the evening to discuss the breakup efficiently and intelligibly.
How to look
The partner is not always ready to let go of his mistress. He will begin to persuade you to continue meetings. To make it easier for him to let the woman go, she should come to the meeting in a more modest manner. If usually your lover looked amazing and well-groomed, now you should appear in front of him without makeup, with regular hair, in a simple dress or trousers. Perhaps it will be easier for the man to let her go. If this does not help, you need to change your behavior, become capricious, nasty, rude.
Where to start a dialogue
The dialogue should begin with a message about the desire to talk. Let a few days pass after the phone call so that your partner understands that the conversation will be serious. During this time he will prepare. When meeting, you should avoid insults and humiliation, calmly and consistently tell them that changes have occurred, the time for romance and tenderness has passed, and there is no point in continuing the relationship.
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What to do if a girl falls in love with a married man
How to talk about your decision
Continuing the conversation, the lover is informed that the woman has analyzed their relationship, she is tired of being in the background, she wants sincere love, to become the only one. She no longer had the strength to endure his return to his family and remain alone in a cold bed. If by this time another man has already appeared, then it is not necessary to inform the lover about this.
Possible reasons for separation
Girlfriends insist on his integrity, that breaking off relations with him is a mistake. But only the girl has the right to decide whether she should spend time with a young man or not. Observations will help answer the question of whether it is worth diverging. Several months have passed since we met, and there are more and more alarming incidents:
- Spends most of his time with friends and in companies.
- Avoids heart-to-heart conversations, does not maintain a conversation.
- Looks towards other girls, corresponds on networks.
- No longer shows care and affection, does not give compliments.
- Ignores calls and messages, takes a long time to respond.
- Finds reasons to postpone a meeting or does not attend it.
- Doesn't help, doesn't accompany.
- Doesn't try to please, surprise, amuse.
- He does not want to make peace if the quarrel was his fault.
- Everything about his partner irritates him.
- Becomes greedy.
These are just a few reasons, but they clearly convey that the feelings have passed and it’s time to move on. Breaking up is difficult, especially if the relationship is long-term. But one component is enough: there are no more feelings.
Forgive and release your ex-lover
Surely, having experienced a breakup with a married man, you feel resentment towards him. For his lies, secret meetings, holidays spent by you alone... the list goes on and on. One of the tips from psychologists on how to survive a breakup with a married man and get rid of feelings of resentment and disappointment is to carry out a symbolic act of saying goodbye to your love. For example, pick up a heavy stone, imagine that all your emotions are concentrated in it, and... throw it away. Light a candle and, looking at its melting wax, imagine that your love is melting with it. Such a banal measure as burning shared photographs or things of your ex can have a good therapeutic effect. You may not feel relief at first, but you will soon notice that you no longer hold a grudge against your ex and are ready to calmly let him go.
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Advice from psychologists on how to forget a married man
If you have decided to forget a married man, talk to him honestly and openly. Tell us that it’s hard for you to constantly hide, hide relationships, and be afraid of being exposed. A man must understand your feelings. It will be easier to forget the person who supports you in your decision to break up.
It happens that after such frank conversations a man changes his view of the situation and leaves the family. At this point, he sees that you really want to forget him and feels the need to make a final choice. Despite the fact that a man, unlike you, is happy with everything, it may become a burden for him to live two lives. His wife begins to suspect something, his conscience is tormenting him, and you want to turn this to your advantage.
But don't forget the statistics above: less than 10% of husbands end up leaving their wives for their mistresses. You should not hope that your lover will be with you if he constantly delays making a decision. As often as possible, ask him the question when this moment will come, and every time you will hear new arguments. It's better to forget a married man if you feel like you'll never get your way.
If your loved one clearly makes it clear that he does not choose you, look at the situation from the outside. Focus on his shortcomings and think about whether such a man is worthy of love. Maybe you should forget the one who puts you in such limbo and promises nothing?
Surely, you have a friend who did not approve of your relationship with a married man. Now is the time to listen to her arguments. Ask her to be frank and not afraid to hurt you with her arguments. Behave the same way as your lover: have another affair and don’t forget to tell him about it. A man will feel like he is in your place, since you are not the only woman in his life. See if his behavior changes after this news.
Useful video about relationships with a married man. Love triangle. Causes, consequences, rules of conduct
If your hopes come true. What's next.
If a woman nevertheless managed to take her lover away from the family and become his legal wife, then she should be prepared for the fact that the period when she received a huge number of gifts and had freedom will quickly end. In addition, we cannot exclude the possibility of a repetition of the situation that your chosen one’s wife had to endure. You'll have to be on your guard all the time.
Breakup formula
Psychologists were able to study the topic of pain associated with separation. They found that simple formulas help to quickly let go of negative emotions. One of the techniques is called the “breakup formula.”
The essence of the formula: you need to take on a third of the worries, and leave two thirds to your partner. Theoretical simplicity does not mean that practical implementation will be as easy. The approach requires a high level of awareness and the ability to manage your emotions. Psychologists have also developed an alternative breakup formula, consisting of several stages:
- Coping with the situation is difficult, so you should start by releasing negative emotions. You need to find a healthy way to release destructive emotional energy.
- At the next stage, you need to burn bridges, that is, cut off all routes of retreat and close yourself off from your partner’s possible attempts to return.
- Coping with emotional pain requires support. You cannot hide the fact of a painful breakup, so you need to seek help from those who are able to give it.
- In order not to stop and not get stuck in suffering, it is necessary to direct strength and energy to personal growth and development.
Breakup and the psychology of men
How to get over a breakup with a friend? Representatives of the stronger sex rarely need advice from a psychologist. This is because they prefer to deal with their problems on their own.
Sometimes it may seem that women experience a breakup much more intensely. But that's not true! It’s just common for men to hide their emotions, experiences and feelings.
The psychology of family relationships only proves the fact that it is indeed sometimes more difficult for men than for women to survive the pain and loss of a loved one.
Most men tend to look happy after a breakup. They immerse themselves in parties, lead an active lifestyle, and flirt with various girls. But this situation does not always reflect the true picture of feelings. Some men, with the help of such a pastime, try to get rid of melancholy and drown out the pain of parting with their ex-lover. But away from everyone, he can again look through photographs of his ex-girlfriend and hope for the restoration of relations.
How to get over a breakup with a girl? Counseling from a psychologist is especially necessary when men begin to lose self-confidence. Such stress can seriously affect the health of a representative of the stronger half of humanity. Therefore, if you have been feeling depressed and disappointed in women for a long time, you should consult a psychologist.
To many girls, men seem insensitive people. But they, like women, tend to count on a future marriage, common children and all the joys of living together at the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, as soon as a relationship collapses, they worry no less than women.
When does the need for separation arise?
More often than not, even the most wonderful relationship with your mistress does not lead to the desired result. The need for separation arises for the following reasons:
The unreality and impossibility of a serious relationship.
In most cases, married men return home to their wives. Mistresses acquire legal status only in exceptional cases.- Emerging social and financial problems. For example, a man has lost a high position, “burnt out in business,” etc., and therefore is not able to support a “slave” of love.
- The disappearance of the “technical” (sexual) problem. There is a separate category of men who take mistresses for a short time. For example, if the wife is pregnant, she is busy with a small child, or the wife moves to another city for work.
- Disappointment in the chosen one for bed pleasures. The longer the relationship, the more the mistress can turn “into a wife” and, as a result, reveal herself as a jealous and capricious person, constantly demanding something.
- Guilt. If a man is a good family man, then he may have a feeling of stealing from his wife and children and, as a result, a real depressive state.
If you're left alone
Ding-ding, reminder once again: he was not free from the beginning! If he was not going to leave his family, then the denouement had to begin sometime. What ways can you think of to forget this man?
It will also be useful: How to find a lover
Drastic changes
There is one tricky way you can try to deceive yourself. Do you remember the movie “50 First Dates”? There, the main character forgot every previous day, living only for today. She had her own habits, starting early in the morning.
You need the same thing - just remove from yourself the time in which you lived, loving your married man. To get started, do this:
- You cannot change your place of residence, but you can move the furniture in this apartment. This is necessary so that the old environment does not remind you of the visits of your ex-boyfriend, if the meetings took place at your home.
- At least change the curtains to a more cheerful color if you can't re-stick the wallpaper. Orange, yellow and green shades lift your spirits and help cope with depression. A small thing, but very important.
- The reflection in the mirror should also give off some other image, different from today’s. Yes, everything is banal and simple - change your hairstyle, hair color, clothing style. This is not for beauty, but for dramatic changes.
Now change your habits, starting in the morning:
- Are you used to drinking tea and sandwiches for breakfast? Drink cocoa with croissants.
- Do you like girly melodramas? They are of no use now, watch comedies.
- Do you usually go to bed with your head facing west? Shift to the east.
Changes must occur in your life that contradict your usual way of life, even in small things. It is from this day that your fight against depression will begin.
Don't think it will be easy right away. But you just need to focus on that unusual day for you, which will become a habit. It will be easier later. But this is the first step towards liberation.
Don't be afraid to be weak
There are people who, having found themselves in a difficult situation, do not admit to themselves and others how much pain they are experiencing. They look for advantages in their loneliness, smile, joke, make acquaintances and rush into the maelstrom of new novels. This is wrong, because sooner or later you yourself will feel the unnaturalness of your behavior, and it will hurt you even more.
Don't hush up your problems, don't try to step over them. Don't beat yourself up if, despite everything, you still continue to suffer about your ex-lover. Cry if it makes you feel better. There is nothing shameful in memories and tears, the main thing is not to let them turn you into a recluse, grieving over unfulfilled hopes. Give yourself a time limit for “mourning” your love, and after it, stop regretting your failed romance. In the end, no matter how trivial it may sound, everything that is not done happens only for the better.
