So what is “first love”?
First love is the brightest and most sincere feeling that every person experiences. In most cases, first love comes to people who are still very young and inexperienced, when we sincerely believe that first love is for life, that we will never part with our loved one.
First love is the brightest and most sincere feeling that every person experiences.
It is often said that first love is the most powerful feeling in our life. So strong that after many years it can flare up with its former strength, despite all the obstacles that exist these days.
Love means seeing a miracle invisible to others
Show more feelings
Well, one last piece of advice that can be given to people who want to build relationships in their teenage years. As a rule, most teenagers try to find a life partner just to feel loved. However, if a person does not show enough feelings, then this may lead to the idea that they simply do not exist. Therefore, even if it’s unusual for you to talk about love or walk holding hands, it’s worth overcoming your complexes in order to avoid parting with your soulmate.
We hope you now better understand why first love is the strongest. Moreover, we also wholeheartedly believe that these tips will help you build a strong relationship with your significant other and live happily for many years to come. If you feel that this person is destined for you, be sure to hold on to him. Otherwise, you will have to “sort through” partners for a long time in search of someone who is at least a little like your first love.
Found a violation? Report content
Features of first love
If first love comes in youth, this is a severe test for a person’s personality, which has not yet been fully formed. And how he experiences this first great feeling will largely determine what kind of person he will become in the future.
Psychologists believe that first love is not always true. But she is truthful in her emotions, and therefore remains in a person’s memory for a lifetime. People remember their past passion, while experiencing only a slight light sadness or, conversely, joy.
It's worse if the first love remains unfinished. Then the person will begin to yearn and hope for a chance meeting. Living your whole life with regret about what didn’t happen is not much good. Therefore, it is worth letting a person go or forgiving him if he caused pain.
As a rule, such feelings are short-lived, and after the “candy-bouquet” period, a person’s eyes open. He sees in front of him not the young man or girl with whom he was in love, but a completely different person. Then disappointment comes. You shouldn’t bring up past feelings; it’s better for them to remain in your memory as bright and pure, not stained by years.
Sometimes a person becomes fixated on his first love. The feelings he experienced do not leave him. He seeks to reawaken them within himself. And they flare up, you just have to see the object of your fantasies, your first love. Why is this happening?
One of the reasons for regretting your first love may be your current unsuccessful marriage. When relationships in a family do not work out, it may seem that the past love was ideal. A person begins to imagine what would have happened if everything had turned out differently then. But is it worth looking back?
No matter what age your first love comes, it is always beautiful. The feelings that a person in love experiences are indescribable. You shouldn’t be afraid of her or close yourself off from her. And there is no need to try to forget her either. This is the experience that helps a person create new love relationships in the future.
Teenage relationships
And so, it seems that the object of love agreed, everything should be fine, but there are some nuances here too. As a rule, teenagers still have their rose-colored glasses on; at that age, everything is seen exclusively in a positive light. Children live in their dreams, often without trying to compare them with reality, which can be very different. Because of this, they make many mistakes in relationships, mainly due to inexperience, and get into trouble. Usually everything ends well, only useful experience remains, which a person successfully applies in the future, but there are also the opposite situations.
Therefore, it is important to conduct a dialogue with your child and try to give the necessary advice in a timely manner.
Features of first love
The first strong feelings always cover a person like a wave. They overwhelm him completely, inspire him and cloud his mind. Psychologists say that such relationships are almost always characterized by frivolity and impulsiveness. Often teenagers try to imitate movie heroes or romantic book characters, often not realizing that in life not everything always happens beautifully and as it should.
Excessive emotionality can harm not only the teenager himself, but also everything that surrounds him: friends, parents, and studies come under attack. Increased hormonal levels do their job; it is difficult to control yourself when the body secretes testosterone or estrogen in huge quantities. According to statistics, most first sexual relations occur during adolescence. When there is rashness of actions. Lovers do not yet fully understand how such relationships can be dangerous and how they can reduce the likelihood of undesirable consequences. Parents should discuss such things as early as possible.
Advice from psychologists for teenagers in love
Experts give several recommendations on how not to make mistakes and not lose your head:
- Don't completely dissolve in a person . When a teenager replaces all his hobbies with the object of his adoration, the neural connections in the brain also change. The longer this love lasts, the stronger they will become. This means that every day the dependence on a person will only grow stronger, and the rest of life will fade into the background. Accordingly, the more painful the separation will be. And combined with the frantic play of hormones and impulsiveness, this can lead to dire consequences. Parents should talk to the child: ask about hobbies, offer to do something together. If, for example, your son is interested in football, give him new equipment and encourage him to play. So the teenager will understand that, in addition to falling in love, there are many other important things, and separation is only part of his further path;
- Communicate more with parents . Consulting with friends is, of course, good, but peers do not have the same store of knowledge and experience that parents have. The older generation will always give good advice, you just need to be willing to engage in dialogue and not close yourself off. Together you can always find a solution, and a situation that previously seemed insoluble can be solved in one or two minutes;
- First - think, then do . No matter how trivial it may sound, this advice is ignored not only by teenagers, but also by adults. It's hard not to give in to temptation and follow your feelings. The main thing is to always try to think through and rationalize your intentions before turning them into actions. You should ask yourself several important questions: “Why am I going to do this?”, “What do I want to get in the end?” and “Do I really need this?” It can be difficult, but working on yourself shouldn’t be easy.
Following a few simple recommendations will help the teenager avoid causing unnecessary harm to himself, as well as smooth out the overwhelming feelings of possible separation. The most important thing is trusting relationships in the family. Without them, it is difficult to imagine the normal functioning of a family in principle. And if there are no such relationships yet, it’s time to start building them.
Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
Yes. I think everyone has dealt with her at least once.
0%
No. Although... It happened a couple of times. However, then I was (was) a teenager, it seems that everything was a simple love.
0%
What are you saying, no? The lack of reciprocity did not concern me.
0%
Yes, I often fell in love (fell in love) unrequitedly.
0%
Voted: 0
What is first love from a psychological point of view?
This mature love is characterized by accepting the identity of the other person and trying to understand him. For young love, one’s own emotions and impressions come to the fore.
The main lesson that lovers must learn is to learn to communicate and care for their other half, to show tenderness and attention to them. It is also very important to be able to control your emotions and feelings.
Since first love occurs mainly at a young age and is often platonic, the basis of such relationships are:
- idealization of the object of love;
- the idea of its uniqueness and irreplaceability.
Being in the rush of first love, young people strive to find themselves with their soulmate as quickly as possible and spend days with her.
They are in a state of euphoria, which is characterized by a feeling of emotional excitement, an uplift in mood and a feeling of security.
At such moments, there is a desire to give and not take anything in return from the object of your love.
Showing care, responsibility and respect for a person is characteristic of the state of first love.
Very often, representatives of the stronger sex remember their first love for a girl for the rest of their lives. Because for many of them, this is the first real feeling.
It also happens that a man marries a woman similar to his youthful love. The first feeling determines the development of a man’s personality and reveals his traits.
It actually gives an impetus when an insecure young man is able to acquire the qualities of a real man.
In a dream, you can very often see a former lover. The reason for this may be the fact that your thoughts constantly return to the past.
Perhaps there is some understatement and uncertainty left in past relationships, which is causing mental anguish.
After all, everyone knows that nighttime experiences are a reflection of our thoughts and current reality.
If a woman who dreams of her first love is legally married, then this may be a signal that she is missing something in her relationship with her current spouse.
She constantly thinks back to the time when she was happy. And her subconscious tells her that her marriage is far from ideal.
All the emotions experienced are preserved in the memory of your first love. If someone from your close circle in a conversation reminded you of your former love object, then it is not surprising that you might dream about him.
A person may subconsciously want to go back to the past if there is important unfinished business left there.
How does first love manifest itself?
When love bursts into a person's life, everything around him changes. An incredible desire to accomplish feats awakens in men, and a sea of affection and tenderness appears in women. A person in love begins to perceive the world around him more positively and brightly.
First love is so strong that because of it people stop hearing the voice of reason. They begin to be guided only by the call of their heart. The wonderful sensations associated with love have a number of features:
- The first love most often occurs at a young age, when the personality is not fully formed. In this case, strong feelings become a severe test for a person. The further development of his personality depends on the outcome of love.
- According to psychologists, first love is not always real. But because of the strong and unusual emotions that boys and girls face, the memory of this feeling remains for a lifetime.
- It’s bad if your first love turns out to be unrequited. Due to unfinished emotions, a person can yearn for many years and wait for reciprocity.
- Love in youth is usually short-lived. They fall in love with a person who, after 1-2 years, noticeably matures and becomes different.
It is not so important at what age bright feelings came to a person. You shouldn't hide from them. This experience must be accepted and lived through with dignity in order to build strong love relationships in the future.
Express
Sometimes those who want to meet their first love are those who feel that their “gestalt was not closed.” That is, questions remained unanswered, there was no sense of completion from those episodes.
This is often felt most acutely when the relationship ended due to the influence of an external force with which the couple did not begin to fight. This could be due to parental pressure in youth, relocation, or public opinion.
On a deep subconscious level, a person identifies this story with the relationship of Romeo and Juliet, forbidden feelings. They are actively cultivated everywhere.
What does first love ideally give?
Even if parents and friends share stories of their first relationships with a person, this cannot fully prepare him for a similar life situation. During first love, the body experiences severe stress associated with finding itself in a new psychological environment. That is why a person’s behavior can differ dramatically from what is usual. He experiences the strongest emotions - happiness from being close to the object of love and at the same time fear of an incomprehensible future: how long will the euphoria last, will my partner leave me?
First relationships very rarely end in marriage and love “to the grave.” However, even a story that is unsuccessful in this sense is extremely important for the formation of personality.
This is why the experience of first love is so important: it reveals and clarifies in a person many basic qualities of his character.
First relationships also help you better understand your sex life: you understand what gives you pleasure and what doesn’t, and how you should treat your partner. True, it is important to “match” here: the sexual experience gained during this period can either give you self-confidence or undermine it for many years to come.
Love is like trauma
The worst thing that can happen to a first relationship is an open ending. It is important that this story does not end in a grandiose quarrel, when both sides accuse each other of all mortal sins and part ways without putting a final point. Not everyone at a young age manages to find the strength to discuss what happened with their partner and come to a mutual agreement to end the relationship. Although this would greatly help in your future life - especially if you honestly talk about the strengths and weaknesses that you noticed in each other.
Regret is not the most pleasant feeling anyway, and even more so in this situation. The hardest thing is for those who, after first love, become depressed, since the breakup did not occur on his initiative. In this case, there is a high probability that a person will begin to associate love with pain, and this connection can ruin life more than once in the future.
It will also be difficult for people who have been deceived in their best feelings and literally betrayed - by betrayal or some other act - to build new relationships. After such an experience, a person often begins to act in one of two ways: either he wants to control each new partner with all his might, which leads to conflicts, or he completely avoids the relationship so as not to experience pain again.
Why can't I forget?
One of the main difficulties of first love is that this feeling can emerge in memory even years after separation. Such echoes of the past prevent you from enjoying life and forming serious relationships. There are 3 main reasons why you can’t get past love out of your head.
There are feelings
It is difficult to forget love if it is still warm in the heart. This occurs more often with non-reciprocal feelings. When the couple was dating, everyone was happy, but one partner decided that they needed to break up.
If little time has passed since the breakup, constant thoughts about your ex-passion are normal. It takes about 6 months for a person to realize and accept a breakup.
But when bright feelings prevent you from enjoying life for many years, the problem may be psychological in nature. Fixation on a former relationship can drive you crazy. If there is a negative expression of love, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.
Painful separation
A bad breakup is one of the reasons that doesn’t allow you to put an end to your first love. The most acute sensations arise in cases where the separation was influenced by external circumstances:
- Moving to another city;
- censure of public opinion;
- pressure from mom and dad.
Painful separation in such cases is accompanied by a feeling of incompleteness and understatement. It is these feelings that push a person to find past love and close the gestalt.
Lots of pleasant emotions
Youthful experiences, romantic encounters and tender confessions that a person encounters during his first love will never be repeated. Many people cannot forget not the chosen ones themselves, but the feelings associated with them.
According to statistics, about 55% of women and 30% of men try to return their first lovers. Dreams of a wonderful future with these partners help to distance oneself from everyday worries and gray everyday life.
With age, people become more cynical and callous, deprive themselves of youthful enthusiasm, and stop enjoying little things. Memories of their first kiss, a walk under the moon, or a date in the park remind them of who they were in the past. Missing those times, a person is sad that he has changed, lost his youthful enthusiasm and carefreeness.
Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations
I can’t forget my first love: what should I do? So, as we found out, it is very difficult to forget your first love, but you still need to try to do it. Experts in the field of psychology give the following recommendations in this matter:
- Stop communication. How can you ever forget about something if you're still in touch? You need to follow your own paths and not cling to the past. So, if possible, stop any contact with your first love. If this cannot be avoided, try to at least limit them as much as possible.
- Accept your breakup. Perhaps you still have somewhere in the depths of your soul the hope that you will be together and everything will be as before. But the more you think about it and build such illusions, the more difficult it will be for you. Therefore, it is important to accept that this relationship is over, it cannot be returned and it is time to move on.
- Stop talking about your past partner. If you remember him in any conversation, then how can you forget? Therefore, you should watch your words, each time it will become easier and easier.
- Remember why you broke up. If you just can’t get over the distance and keep thinking about your first love, then a good way to get rid of these shackles will be the reason for the end of your relationship. You can also remember what annoyed you about your partner, because of which you fought. You cannot forget about your love just because you remember the good things and idealize those feelings. But there were certainly conflicts, there was something we didn’t like. Try to concentrate on this.
- Stop making excuses for your partner. Perhaps the reason for the separation was betrayal or even betrayal on the part of your lover. And now you cannot forget about him, because you begin to justify his action. You start to think that you can close your eyes to this. Stop doing this! Think objectively, if he was able to do this once, then it will happen again.
- You have a chance for a happy relationship. Stop thinking that you will never meet such a person again and you will not be as comfortable with anyone.
- Take a break. Yes, at first you will often think about your past relationships. But if you constantly lie under the covers and think about how good things used to be, you will dig deeper and deeper into depressive thoughts. Try to somehow occupy yourself, get out of the house. It might even be worth going somewhere for a couple of weeks so that it reminds you of your former relationship as little as possible.
- Ask for help. Yes, sometimes it's good to be alone with your thoughts. But if you just can’t let go of the situation, then you should seek help. Parents and friends will definitely respond to your call and help you take a new path. If you understand that everything has gone too far, then do not be afraid and do not hesitate to contact a psychologist!
- Stop surveillance. There is no need to monitor your partner’s social networks or ask mutual friends about his every move. If possible, block your ex everywhere, and ask your friends to try not to mention him.
- Stay true to yourself. You may start to pretend that everything is fine and nothing is bothering you, but inside you will worry. Therefore, first it is better to turn to a loved one and talk it out. Then gradually return to your normal life.
- Use the breakup to your advantage. Instead of being sad, think better about what advantages have appeared and what opportunities have opened up for you. Now you can finally do what you have been planning for a long time. Maybe you wanted to learn something? Or try something new? Now is the best time for this. Moreover, you now have much more free time, so devote it to yourself!
- Get up off the couch already. How long can you lie down, listen to sad music and look through photos together? If you don’t want to get depressed, then you should pull yourself together. Turn on fun and energetic music, watch a motivational movie, go to the gym, go for a walk around the city, meet with friends.
- Switch to the positive. Try to do everything that will please you and make you feel more confident. Update your wardrobe, change your haircut, treat yourself to a major purchase. Go to a restaurant and have a delicious meal, sign up for courses to improve your self-esteem. Everything that brings pleasant emotions will definitely help you forget your first love.
Sources
- https://juicyworld.org/1-love/
- https://domashniy.ru/lubov-i-otnosheniya/pervaya_lyubov_chuvstva_kotorye_nikogda_ne_zabudutsya_re15/
- https://otveta.com/pervaja-ljubov-v-psihologii.html
- https://onelove.su/kak-zabyt-pervuyu-lyubov/
- https://knife.media/dangerous-first-love/
- https://psyholic.ru/otnosheniya-polov/kak-zabyt-pervuyu-lyubov.html
Parents' mistakes
Try to minimize toxic behavior, do not shift all the blame onto the child, and do not try to minimize the significance of the teenager’s feelings. Phrases like “You need to think about studying, not about nonsense” and “This won’t last long” can only repel and scare, but do not help in any way. Do not devalue your child’s experience, do not try to find out more than the child himself is ready to tell you, and do not forbid meeting the object of his adoration.
In the modern world, in which most of our lives (and especially the lives of young people) take place on the Internet, you need to pay attention to who your child communicates with online. After all, the Internet, in addition to many advantages and benefits, is fraught with many dangers. Under the guise of an attractive girl or guy, an adult pursuing his own goals can conduct a dialogue with a teenager. This does not mean that you should ask your child who he is communicating with or look at his phone. Everything is resolved by a simple heart-to-heart conversation. Unobtrusively ask what the teenager is interested in, who he is interested in communicating with lately.
Do you have children in their teens? Do they hide their relationships with the opposite sex from you?
There are children, but they do not hide anything and completely trust my wife (husband) and me.
50%
Do you have children. It seems to us that they are being secretive, but we try not to press or put pressure on them.
0%
I have no children.
50%
Voted: 2
