If you don't know how, we'll teach you. How to develop communication skills?

It sounds very simple: say what you mean. But too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is being said is lost on our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstandings, frustration and conflict. Fortunately, you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the other person to understand. Whether you're trying to communicate better with your spouse, children, boss, or co-workers, you can improve communication skills that will allow you to significantly improve your rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

For success in life, the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent. John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just sharing information.
It's about understanding what emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is not only how you convey a message that is received and understood in the way you intended, but also how you listen to fully understand what is being said and make the other person feel heard and understood. . Effective communication involves more than just the words used in a conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including nonverbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, self-control, communicate with self-confidence and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of yourself and the person you are communicating with. who are you communicating with?

Effective communication is the glue that will help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork and normalize shared decision-making and problem-solving. It even allows you to send negative or unpleasant messages without creating conflict or breaking trust.

Despite the fact that effective ways of communicating with people can be learned, it is nevertheless more effective to acquire them spontaneously from life experience, and not in the process of acting according to templates. A speech that is sight-read, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech delivered spontaneously, or at least appears to do so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effortless your communication skills will become.

The easiest way for me to communicate is with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one. Joan Baez

What can you do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

• Take your time - take time for personal communication.
• Look for a drop of humor in the current situation.
• Agree that it is normal to disagree with something.
• Make sure you don't hold your breath.
• Listen before you speak, even if you don't agree with what you hear.
• Take a time out when you are already too stressed.

What will the man of the future be like?

Photo: People photo created by rawpixel.com - www.freepik.com
In 2021, the President of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Klaus Schwab, announced the beginning of the Fourth Technological Revolution. Its result will be total robotization. To remain a sought-after specialist, a person of the future must:

• solve complex problems;
• think critically;
• think creatively;
• manage people;
• work in a team;
• recognize the emotions of colleagues and your own, control them;
• form judgments and make decisions;
• focus on the client and partner;
• negotiate;
• quickly switch from one task to another.

“The 4K System is now gaining popularity. Its concepts include critical thinking, creativity, communication and coordination. The last two points are closely related. The ability to negotiate, determine a common goal and ways to achieve it, distribute roles and evaluate the result is needed now. If you fail to find an approach to your interlocutor, you can easily lose a key partner.”

Barriers to effective interpersonal communication

Stress and uncontrollable emotion

When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send confusing or intimidating nonverbal signals, and begin to act like an unstable, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking.
If you're daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else while planning your next response, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues in your conversation. You should always take your life experience into account. [media=
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Illogical gestures and facial expressions

Nonverbal communication should support verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you are being deceitful. For example, you may not be able to say “yes” while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you don't agree with or like what is being said, you may use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree or even approve of what is said, but communicate effectively without putting the other person on the defensive; It is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

All our days pass in communication, but the art of communication is the destiny of a few... Mikhail Vasilyevich Lomonosov

Situational blindness

The author of these lines relatively recently conducted a seminar for school psychologists, where he asked specialists to assess which communication skills are worst developed in modern teenagers. The range of assessments turned out to be quite large, but psychologists agreed that the skill of orientation in a communication situation was the worst developed. The deficiency of this skill manifests itself in the inability to choose the appropriate time and place of communication. The conversation turns out to be inappropriate, ineffective (the goals of the participants are not achieved) and unpleasant (provokes negative emotions).

The inability of adolescents to navigate a communication situation is primarily due to their limited social experience. They really do not have enough knowledge to understand the motives and goals of other participants in communication, predict the duration of the conversation, and assess the relevance of the topic being discussed at a given time and place. But such “situational blindness” is not limited to teenagers.

I had the opportunity to advise a manager who was faced with stubborn resistance from the team (“I give them instructions, set tasks, but they constantly disrupt their implementation!”). He had a habit of running quickly around the office, shouting orders as he went. It seemed to him that this was enough and that employees should literally “catch on the fly” his instructions.

In fact, he simply perceived the situation incorrectly

Many employees simply did not have time to switch their attention from their work to the fast pace of the boss, and literally did not hear what he was telling them. Secondly, many employees simply did not understand to whom exactly the phrase thrown into the air was addressed

Thirdly, people already had previously assigned work tasks, and the priority of the new “introduction” was unclear to them (and there was no opportunity to ask a clarifying question in the back of the fleeing boss).

Setting a task is not just a phrase thrown out on the run; it is a rather complex management and communication skill. And the first rule for this skill: create or select a situation suitable for setting the task.

An “appropriate” situation is one where nothing distracts the participants’ attention from discussing the task and they can fully focus their attention on the dialogue. The situation should create an opportunity for high-quality contact between participants in communication

In addition, in order for a task to be accepted for execution (and not just set), the situation must provide an opportunity to receive feedback from the performer. How can you focus attention, discuss something, give feedback (etc.), if the manager flies by like a bullet?

Habit 1: Become an Engaged Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more.
Listening well means understanding not only the words or information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express. There is a big difference between listening carefully and simply hearing information. When you really listen, when you really engage with what is being said, you recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that tell you about how that person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only understand the other person better, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building a stronger, more secure relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you're talking to is calm, as reflected by, for example, listening carefully to what you're saying, you can also become more calm. Likewise, if a person is worried, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand and communicate with another person, you will naturally listen carefully. If this is not the case, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and effective your interactions with other people will become.

Ability to end a meeting

Every meeting should have a sense of progress, moving forward. Then you realize that there is a reason to continue communicating. It is always necessary to give meeting participants a clear understanding of what has been achieved, what will happen next, when, and who will take responsibility. There must be a clear understanding not only of the space where we are now, but also of how this stage relates to the whole, where the horizon for the end of further discussion is. As soon as there is uncertainty about the progress of your collaborative process, a feeling of dissatisfaction sets in after the meeting.

Finally, a valid tip for the success of any negotiation is to leave your phone alone. Otherwise, the interlocutor will never feel that the conversation is important to you and that you are serious.

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How do you become an engaged listener?

Focus all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues coming from that person.
Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you're thinking about something, checking text messages, or doodling on a piece of paper, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues and the emotional content of the words spoken. And if the person speaking is acting in the same distracted manner, you will quickly be able to notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on some speakers, try repeating their words in your head - this will reinforce their message for you and help you stay focused. Listen with your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for recognizing speech and emotions. Since the left hemisphere of the brain controls the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker is saying. Try to keep your posture straight, lower your chin slightly, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help you pick up the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what is being said.

Don't interrupt the speaker or try to shift the conversation to your problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening does not mean waiting for your turn to speak again. If you're forming in your head what you're going to say next, you can't concentrate on what the other person is saying. Often the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what was said. Periodically nod approvingly, smile at your interlocutor and make sure that your body position is open and conducive to communication. Approvingly encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh-huh.”

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener is enthusiastic...

Try not to judge. To communicate effectively with someone, you don't have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging him and refrain from reproaches and criticism. If you conduct even the most complex discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom mutual understanding seemed very difficult and unlikely to be found.

Give us feedback. If the thread of conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. “That's what I hear,” or “It sounds like what you're saying,” are great ways to get the conversation back on track. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound forced and unintelligent. Instead, express what you understand to be the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify things: “What do you mean when you say...” or “Is this what you mean?”

Stool syndrome

A person is included in communication with his own kind from the moment of birth. Therefore, all our basic communication skills are formed at a “preconscious” age. Our usual methods of communication are very quickly automated and become stereotyped. And over the years, it may turn out that the skills formed in childhood “lag behind” and do not correspond to new communicative tasks and situations of adult life.

Here's a simple example. One of the basic communication skills is self-presentation - introducing yourself to your communication partner(s). Self-presentation involves measured and selective self-disclosure

That is, it is important not to dump all the shocking details about “your loved one” on your interlocutors, but to provide exactly as much information as is necessary to form a positive impression of you and (most importantly!) to achieve the goal of communication

Now imagine, say, the boy Vasya, who grew up with “stool syndrome.” “Stool syndrome” (this is a comic name, not a scientific term) occurs in children whose parents in every possible way cultivate their giftedness (even if it is actually absent) and demonstrate it to others. If guests come to such a family, the parents immediately loudly announce: “And now our Vasenka will read a poem / play the violin / sing!” After which Vasenka finds herself in the center of everyone’s attention (she stands on a real or hypothetical stool) and demonstrates her talents to everyone.

Gradually, the child develops the following attitude: “I must begin communication by demonstrating my talents, I must delight everyone and be the center of everyone’s attention.” How useful do you think such a communication skill would be during, say, important business negotiations? Surely you are familiar with similar characters who, instead of focusing on the matter at hand, “pull the blanket over themselves”

They are ready to do anything, even disrupt negotiations, just to draw attention to their person. Such people do not possess the skill of self-presentation at a conscious level, stereotypically reproducing the “stool syndrome” formed in childhood.

8 Basic Communication Skills:

1. Orientation in a communication situation (including understanding of goals, roles, motivation of participants).
2. Establishing contact, starting communication (and a symmetrical skill - ending communication).
3. Self-presentation.
4. Receiving information from the interlocutor (active and passive listening, using questions, reading “body language”, etc.).
5. Providing information (presentation).
6. Emotional regulation and self-regulation.
7. Psychological influence (persuasion, suggestion) and resistance to influence.
8. Providing feedback.

Of course, there are also more complex communication skills, such as those related to negotiations or public speaking in front of a large audience. But without sufficient mastery of basic communication skills, mastering higher-level skills/abilities will be problematic.

Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear

By increasing the muscle tone of the tiny muscles in the middle ear (they are the smallest in the human body), you will be able to recognize higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotion and better understand the true meaning of what people are saying. Developing these tiny muscles isn't just about focusing entirely on what someone is saying; They can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (high-frequency Mozart violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

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This article was produced by our experienced team of editors and researchers, who reviewed it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

Category: Communication

In other languages:

English: Develop Good Communication Skills, Français: développer de bonnes aptitudes de communication, Italiano: Sviluppare Buone Capacità di Comunicazione, Español: desarrollar buenas habilidades de comunicación, Deutsch: Gute Kommunikationsfähigkeiten entwickeln, Português: Desenvolver Boas Habilidades de Comunica ção, Nederlands: Goede communicatievaardigheden ontwikkelen, 中文: 培养良好的沟通技巧, Bahasa Indonesia: Mengembangkan Kemampuan Komunikasi yang Baik, Čeština: Jak získat dobré komunikační dovednosti, Tiếng Việt: Phát triển K ỹ năng Giao tiếp Tốt, 한국어: 커뮤니케이션 잘하는 방법, हिन्दी: कम्युनिकेशन Communication Skills) by: by: by: by: by Name: コミュニケーション能力を高める, T ürkçe: İletişim Becerileri Nasıl Geliştirilir

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Skill 2: Pay attention to nonverbal cues

When we talk about what concerns us, we mostly use nonverbal cues.
Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movements and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. Your look, the way you listen, move and react to another person tell other people more about your condition than the words you say. Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, handle difficult situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective with open body language: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or sit on the edge of your seat, and maintain eye contact with your interlocutor. You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message—patting a friend on the back to congratulate him on success, for example, or fist bumping to emphasize your message.

Healthy lifestyle

Everyone wants to be healthy. Right? For me, for example, the goal is not just to be healthy, but also to have enough energy. Plus look good.

Example. I played football for 11 years and then gave it up. My weight went from 65 to 86 kilograms in less than 9 months. I became fat. For anyone who once boasted great abs, this is frustrating. So I decided to do two things:

• find a suitable diet that would help me return to a normal weight, and stick to it;
• In addition to nutrition, exercise regularly.

It took me about a couple of years to find a suitable diet and sports activities to my liking. But now I am happy with my body, healthy and energetic during the day.

Tips to help you better interpret nonverbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics.
People from different countries and cultures tend to use different non-verbal communication gestures, so when analyzing body language it is very important to take into account the person's age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional state. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use nonverbal cues differently. Analyze nonverbal signals comprehensively. Don't look for too much meaning in one gesture or nonverbal signal. Consider all nonverbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of communication and body movement. Anyone can sometimes make a mistake and look away, for example, and let the eye contact slide, for example, or briefly cross their arms, without implying anything negative. To better understand a person's true thoughts, analyze his nonverbal signals comprehensively.

This will be useful for leaders and entrepreneurs

The researchers contacted RV Montagno, DF Kuratko, JH Scarcella. Perception of entrepreneurial success characteristics / Entrepreneurship Theory and Practice to small business owners and bank representatives with a question about the main factors of a successful entrepreneurial career. Most respondents cited oral communication skills and listening skills.

Interpersonal communication exercises are often used by W. Grace, L. Ebbers, D. Kell. Values, Vision, Voice, Virtue: The 4 “V” Model for Ethical Leadership Development to teach students to achieve their goals, resolve conflicts and make joint decisions. And any leader needs such abilities.

Tips for Improving Your Nonverbal Cues

Use those nonverbal cues that reflect the essence of your words.
Nonverbal communication should support verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you are being deceitful. For example, you may not be able to say “yes” while shaking your head in denial. Tailor your nonverbal cues based on the context of the conversation and the setting. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different when speaking to a child than when speaking to a group of adults. Also, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't actually feel them. If you're nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date, for example—you can show confidence, even if you don't actually feel that way, through positive body language. Instead of hesitantly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into your chair, try straightening your shoulders and standing with your head held high, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and giving the person you're talking with a firm handshake. This will make you more confident and help put the other person at ease.

Ability to remain calm

Do not hurry. If you speak quickly, you won't have time to say more. It’s better to slow down - this will give you the opportunity to find the right words and look more confident. Often, by the way, young employees who are quickly advancing in their careers at some point run into the fact that they are not taken seriously. They think it’s because of age, but it’s more likely a matter of behavior. When you twitch, fuss, and feel insecure, it all gives the impression of inexperience.

Of course, it is important to find the key to your interlocutor so that he trusts you. But people are very different. No matter how professional you are, purely by temperament it will be easier to communicate with some clients, and not so much with others. You may not be cheerful in a meeting, but it is important to be attentive to your interlocutor.

Habit 3: Stay in control

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of your emotions and control them.
And this means learning to cope with stress. When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send confusing or intimidating nonverbal signals, and begin to act like an unstable, mentally ill person. How many times have you experienced a disagreement with your spouse, children, boss, friends or co-workers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly de-stress and calm down, not only will you not have to regret it later, but in many cases you will help the other person cool down as well. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state will you be able to understand whether you need to respond in this situation or whether it is better to remain silent, as indicated by the behavior of the other person.

In situations such as a job interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or introducing a loved one to family, for example, it is important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and communicate effectively under pressure. These tips may help:

Maintain eye contact

Communication with our eyes is written deep into our genes. Two-day-old newborns prefer to look at faces rather than at toys or the ceiling. The brains of 4-month-old babies are more active if the baby looks into someone's eyes.

When the other person avoids eye contact, people think that he is insincere and less conscientious. And vice versa, we trust more the one who looks into the eyes.

But don't go too far. People consider staring too long a sign of aggressiveness and even psychopathy. Scientists have determined that you need to look into your eyes for no more than three seconds.

Trust is also influenced by the degree of pupil dilation - the wider they are, the more closeness you feel with your interlocutor. You are unable to consciously control your eye muscles. But you can make an appointment in a darkened room, and then the pupils will dilate automatically.

3

Stay balanced in a stressful situation

Use stalling tactics to take an extra minute to think.
Before answering, repeat or ask for clarification of the statement that causes you misunderstanding. Pause to collect your thoughts. Remaining silent is not a bad thing; pausing faster than rushing to respond can force you to pull yourself together. Make one judgment and give an example or provide information that supports your statement. If your response is too long or you ramble on about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one statement with an example, look at the listener's reaction and evaluate whether there is something else worth talking about further.

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Speak clearly and clearly. In many cases, how you speak can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same timbre of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language communicate relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Briefly state the main point of your speech and stop talking, even if there is silence in the room. Don't keep talking to fill the silence.

When a discussion gets heated in the middle of a conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Once you learn how to quickly reduce tension in the moment, even if you can handle any strong emotions you experience, control your feelings and behave rationally. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and engaged, even when something upsetting is happening, you can stay emotionally alert and alert.

Quick Ways to Relieve Stress to Continue Effective Communication

To cope with stress during communication, do the following:

1. Notice when you get nervous. If you're nervous while communicating, your body will let you know. Are your muscles or stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breathing shallow? Do you “forget” to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or putting it aside.
2. Ask your mind for “help” and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, squeezing and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a calming, positive image that evokes positive emotions. The best way to quickly and reliably reduce stress is to listen to your senses: vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person reacts differently to sensory sensations, so you need to find what works for you in a calming way.
3. Look for a drop of humor in the current situation. If you approach it correctly, humor can be a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or a funny story.
4. Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and reassure all parties concerned. If you realize that the subject of the conversation is much more important to the other person than it is to you, it may be easier for you to compromise, while laying a solid foundation for the future relationship.
5. If necessary, stand by your opinions. Before returning to the situation, take a break so everyone can calm down. Take a short break and step away from the current situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or rest in a quiet place to restore inner balance can quickly relieve stress and calm you down.

Habit 4: Be Confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as improve self-esteem and make decision-making easier for you.
Being confident means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. This does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or picky. Effective communication is about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or pushing your opinion on others. To increase self-confidence:

• Value yourself and your abilities. They are just as important as someone else's.
• Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
• Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you also need to show respect for others.
• Take comments towards you positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
• Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him. Stanislav Jerzy Lec

What is the difference between sociability and communication skills?

Often confusion in meaning turns the terms themselves into a mystery. Communication skills are one of the components of sociability and contact as such. This is not an innate, but an acquired skill that can not only be developed, but also improved throughout life.

Communication is the ability to convey information, feelings, emotions, conclusions in an accessible, correct form. It is also the ability to perceive information, experience empathy for the interlocutor, the ability to understand and empathize.

The concept itself is not always a human skill. Communicativeness as a quality can characterize any tool that transmits and receives information.

Communication is a set of qualities such as:

• Non-verbal communication;
• Managing emotions, anger;
• Active listening;
• Understanding your opponent's emotions;
• Ability to express and defend your point of view.

Communication as a personality quality cannot be perceived only as a set of skills; this skill is directly related to the segment of needs and motivation.

Developing positive communication skills

An empathic statement expresses empathy for another person.
First understand the other person's situation or feelings, and then confidently express your needs or opinions. “I know you’ve been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us too.” Growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts are unsuccessful. Over time, you become more decisive and assertive: your statement may communicate specific consequences if your needs are not taken into account. For example, “If you do not comply with the agreement, I will be forced to go to court.”

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations, which will help build your self-confidence. Or ask friends or family if they will let you practice assertiveness techniques on them first.

Elizarova Lilia Apr 09, 2018