Fear of embarrassing yourself in front of people and phobias associated with this.

Phobias based on fear of shame

• Sophiophobia (not always based on fear of shame, but often)
• Scopophobia - fear of being ridiculed
• Erythrophobia - fear of blushing
• Vomitophobia - fear of vomiting
• Glossophobia - fear of the stage and public speaking
• Fear of fainting
• Fear of using obscene language in public
• Fear of going crazy and doing strange things
• Fear of doing something indecent, such as passing farts
• Fear of not finding a toilet and peeing or crapping in public. The fear of shitting oneself is a fairly common phobia and very often it leads to irritable bowel syndrome - IBS.

Such phobias are a strong fear that cannot be consciously controlled. The person is constantly anxious in the presence of other people, and this is usually accompanied by obsessive thoughts about shame. Moreover, this condition does not go away on its own and persists for a long time. At the same time, the patient may realize that there are no objective reasons for anxiety, that his constant fears are a pathology, and their actions do not go beyond social norms. But he cannot overcome his fears on his own and switch to other thoughts.

Very often, based on the fear of disgrace, a strong fear of public speaking arises. If such fear appears at school, then the student simply cannot answer at the blackboard or even from his seat. Sometimes such a phobia leads to the transition to home schooling or to dropping out of school altogether, if, for example, a person is studying at a university.

“When I see news about accidents and terrorist attacks, I go crazy”

Varvara, 25 years old, Moscow:

At the age of five I started having tics, and at school there were rituals: if I didn’t do a few certain movements before bed, I would have a bad day at school.

At the age of 16–17 it went away on its own, but the obsessive thoughts remained. They are associated with violence against loved ones and animals. I love my family very much and I also love animals very much, and I don’t want anything to happen to them. Sometimes this fear leads to me starting to replay scenes in my head that are impossible to get rid of. I guess the problem goes back to childhood: I might have accidentally seen some bloody horror movie on TV and been impressed. During attacks of obsessions, I begin to project something similar onto my loved ones. Even when I see news about accidents, terrorist attacks, catastrophes, I go crazy: I start to fear for my loved ones and imagine all the horrors in vivid colors.

It became difficult for me to work at a responsible job. I am an engineer by training, but now I got a job as a simple courier

There is also an obsessive fear of thoughts materializing. Then I perform the “rituals” again: I make movements with my hands and shake my head vigorously to knock these thoughts out of my head, until I seem to physically feel that they have disappeared. It hits me the hardest at night, if I get very nervous, and for some reason in the fall.

Four years ago I went to see a doctor. He diagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety-depressive disorder and prescribed antidepressants. I took them for three years. The OCD has subsided, the obsessions have noticeably weakened, and it has become much easier to filter thoughts. But, unfortunately, the medications only worked for the first year and they had many side effects: a complete lack of appetite, some kind of absolute indifference, insomnia, stiffness throughout the body, slight tremors. I have not taken antidepressants for a year now, my condition is now relatively stable, sometimes obsessions appear, but not strongly and infrequently. I noticed that if you avoid stressful situations, don’t watch aggressive films and programs with all sorts of horrors, and don’t drink alcohol, then it becomes a little easier.

It became difficult for me to work at a responsible job. I am an engineer by training, but now I got a job as a simple courier. It is difficult to communicate with people, there is a very strong indifference to everything, sometimes the desire to do anything disappears altogether. It’s difficult not only to leave the house, but even to do some business at home. I don’t tell people around me anything about it. Even in our family we don’t really talk about this topic. Only once I shared this with my husband, he did not pay attention and forgot about it the very next day.

Manifestations of fear of embarrassment

Often the fear of disgrace is accompanied by panic attacks in public places. In this case, a person may experience strong bodily symptoms: tachycardia, tremors, sweating, dizziness, a feeling of lack of air, a lump in the throat, wobbly legs, the urge to go to the toilet with irritable bowel syndrome, etc.

With such fears, an obsession becomes the expectation from oneself of something that will be noticed and judged by other people. Even being completely confident in their upbringing and competence, people susceptible to such phobias worry that they will do something wrong and be reproached by society. The individual’s imagination is taken over by events that are far from what is happening in reality. Fears may relate to such areas of activity as religion, folk traditions, they may relate to the individual’s relatives, his idols, people authoritative for him, state and religious symbols.

Many patients suffer from obsessive images of how they commit obscene, indecent acts without any objective prerequisites. So, for example, the patient’s imagination clearly paints a picture of him uttering obscene curses to the entire audience while in the theater or at a social reception. He is so afraid that this event will inexplicably happen that he tries to take preventive measures. He begins to carefully select words in a conversation, listen to the sound of his voice, and think through every phrase. At the same time, experiencing permanent nervous and physical tension, discomfort and anxiety.

4. The line between kindness and permissiveness

A person who is afraid of disappointing with his behavior often follows the lead in order not to be rejected. He wants to be useful, necessary, as if buying someone else's attention and love. But in reality, such people often sit on the neck and stop taking them seriously, stop respecting their opinion. Therefore, it is important to set the line between your good attitude, desire to help people, and not allowing others to get on your neck. Don't let people mistake your kindness for weakness.

Make it a rule: if you can help someone and it doesn’t cost you anything, help; if your help comes to your detriment, think about whether it’s worth overstepping yourself. If you try to please everyone indiscriminately, then at some point you will encounter people who will take advantage of it.

Reasons for fear of embarrassment

Parental attitudes about shame

Often parents, due to their phobias, attach excessive importance to how the child will look from the outside. And even some little things in the child’s behavior cause them concern that this is “not normal” and “inappropriate.” For example, you can’t stammer when telling a poem, you can’t say something “stupid,” you can’t walk around a little dirty, etc. In this way, the parents convey to the child that the slightest deviation from the “ideal norm” will result in a catastrophe—a shame that should never be allowed to happen. And their child is constantly afraid that he will not be able to cope with this task and that a disaster will still happen. Therefore, such a child becomes anxious and on the basis of this, various phobias are formed.

Traumatic situation associated with shame

The second option for the formation of a phobia is some kind of traumatic situation in which a person experienced a strong feeling of shame. Subconsciously, such a person will try with all his might to prevent a repetition of this trauma, i.e. repetition of some shameful (as he considers) moment in his life. Usually, a person is greatly reinsured in this case, i.e. avoids everything even remotely associated with shame. For example, as a child, a girl was told that she had shameful cheap clothes, and then as an adult she could not wear simple, inexpensive clothes, even while at home.

Where does approval addiction come from?

All the threads lead to childhood. At that time, you were just learning to perceive the world around you, your thinking was not critical, so you absorbed everything you heard from your parents. If they came depressed, drunk or tired, accusing you of all mortal sins, you believed them. “Idiot, you always ruin everything!” “I’m ashamed that I have such a son.” “It’s because of you that your father left the family.” Your parents humiliated you, devalued you, criticized you, and you took everything at face value, not realizing that they were projecting their own fears, failures and complexes onto you. They were weak, immature and stupid, but due to their age you could not understand this yet. Now you have grown up and do not depend on their love, their approval, or their protection... it is time to rethink the experience and stop putting yourself down. Where are your oppressors now, and where are you? Isn't this an indicator?

How to get rid of the fear of shame

Fear of social shame is a useful thing if it is rational. Let's say the fear of going naked on the street in a metropolis is absolutely objective and considered the norm. When it comes to a phobia, the fear in it is irrational and is not the norm. This is what you need to understand at a deep level in order to get rid of this fear. Doing this on your own is very difficult, just like removing any other phobia on your own. It is best to contact a psychologist for psychotherapy. Like any anxiety disorders, such phobias are correctable and can be completely eliminated with the right approach and timely consultation with a specialist. Often such fears may seem insignificant, “ridiculous”, and not worth attention to the patient himself. Some people experience such a strong feeling of shame and embarrassment in front of society that they are afraid to tell even close people about their problem.

If the phobia is not treated promptly, it usually progresses over time and can lead to severe restrictions in social life due to avoidance of public places. This is why it is so important to solve such problems as early as possible. Treatment of such phobias is traditional, and is no different from the treatment of other phobic disorders. The problem is approached in a comprehensive manner. Psychological work is being carried out with the patient. And in case of pronounced psychosomatics, drug treatment is prescribed as an additional measure.

We hope that this article helped you learn more about contrast fears and was useful. We will be glad if you leave your comments or share information on social networks. After all, together we can help as many people as possible cope with their fears!

Symptoms

Rhabdophobia manifests itself as a chronic anxiety state, which is accompanied by constant worries about one’s actions. A rhabdophobe analyzes his behavior in terms of the degree of punishment. Almost all thoughts are aimed at self-criticism and playing out possible scenarios. In addition, rhabdophobes are prone to self-examination, dissatisfaction with themselves, perfectionism and complexes. This phobia manifests itself on a physical and psychological level. Let's look at each in more detail.

Requests for help Write your story Hello! I’m embarrassed to write here, but this is a cry from the heart. The thing is that I am tormented by fears. I'm afraid of doing something wrong, I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. I end up doing nothing. I entered the institute, but did not go to classes, I was afraid that I would be worse than everyone else. I need to pick up the documents, but even at the thought that I’ll have to go there, my heart starts beating wildly. In the fall I tried to commit suicide, but it didn’t work. I don't see any way out. No friends. I don’t believe in God, although I would really like to believe. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm nothing.

Anna, age: 19/30/01/2010

Responses:

you are still too young to leave this world, believe me, everything will pass and everything will be fine for you, just hang in there

Zhenya, age: 27 / 01/30/2010

Go to church - there they will teach you to believe in God, and with God’s help you will have the strength to act. Who scared you like that, Anh? Forget and forgive the past, live!!!

Ira, age: 26 / 01/30/2010

Annushka, go to this website https://azbyka.ru/. It’s also useful to go to churches when there is no service there: just walk around, look at the icons, light a candle for the repose of your loved ones and for the health of yourself and your loved ones. But phobias need to be treated, and the sooner the better. See a psychologist first. Or go to the forum, there is a medical section there. All the best! And may the Lord help your unbelief!

Agnia Lvovna, age: 69 / 01/30/2010

What do you think will happen if something suddenly goes wrong? And what do you mean by “disgrace yourself”? Make some mistake? So it’s okay, everyone makes mistakes.

Frau Poe, age: 24/30/01/2010

Anna, hello! There are quite a few people with a similar problem. In order to get rid of this fear, we must first of all understand that its cause is exclusively in our heads; in the real world there are no prerequisites for it. And realize where this fear came from. For example, here is what Orthodox psychologists write about this: https://www.pravmir.ru/article_3996.html. This article made a huge impression on me, since I also suffered from similar fears at one time. In my family, the topic of Christianity was not touched upon in any way, and they raised me in the most secular way, only at the age of 20 did I find out that my mother still believes in God. But at one time I was very lucky; I met a person who opened up a different world to me. When talking with this man’s mother, I expressed the idea that I know that God exists, but I have no faith (this thought really surprised my peer friend, because how can you know and not believe), to which his mother calmly replied - this is normal, the time will come and everything will fall into place. And life really put everything in its place - my faith found me on its own (it’s true that 6 years have passed since that time :)). She gave me advice that later came in handy more than once - just take the New Testament first and start reading, you won’t understand a lot the first time, don’t let that stop you, you’ll understand later. Christianity is a holistic worldview covering all spheres of human life, in it you can find the answer to any question, this is the experience of more than one thousand years... This alone is worth starting to get acquainted with. Anya, if you want, write to me, my nickname on the forum is Gata - friends are a gain. You will succeed, you just need to take a risk once - to overcome yourself.

Gata, age: 25 / 30.01.2010

Anna, if you want to believe, then there are no obstacles to this. Your desire is enough, nothing more is needed. I think you already believe it. In general, of course, you need to contact a specialist. But here, even without it, it is clear that until you accept that you can disgrace yourself (like any other person), because this is completely natural, you will be pouring grist into the mills of your fears. Yes, tell yourself, I can embarrass myself, so what? Others can, but I can’t, or what? What is this, I have such pride, or what? No, I don’t have such huge pride, so I can embarrass myself and laugh at myself. Even with the others. I don't really care about that! After reading it, it may seem to you that I don’t understand anything about your situation, and what kind of pride it can be if you just suffer so much and even, on the contrary, feel like an insignificance, but believe me, I know what I’m talking about. For example, I had a very strong fear of public speaking; because of this, I remained silent at the university for all 5 years, trying to never step outside the pulpit, and with my heart pounding and a lump in my throat, I could not speak at all. But my profession is such that every day I give a public speech and have to give more than one lecture))). Gradually all fears faded away). And I started to really like it. I realized that I couldn’t perform before because I just really wanted to please people, to the point of being impossible, that is, unnecessary (that’s vanity). Well, something like this. 19 years old, Anna, don’t try to commit suicide again!!! You have no right to do this!!! Go to the forum, ask questions to a psychologist.

Alena, age: 28 / 01/30/2010

Anyutka, you urgently need to increase your self-esteem! Analyze your fears, think how true they can be in reality! There is no need to do nothing, go to college, attend lectures and seminars, no need to pick up documents, try to study first. I was also afraid when I entered college, because at school the class was very bad and the teachers were no better, I was afraid that it would be even worse at university. Only I didn’t think that I wouldn’t go to classes, I went to classes from the first day and was not disappointed in the team, or in the teachers, or in the changes in my life! And so will you! Just stop being afraid, be smiling and friendly!!! If you want to believe in God, you better believe!!! This is saving faith in the bright!!! Regarding your fears - maybe you had a situation in your life such that fears appeared and your self-esteem decreased. Think about it, I’ll analyze it, maybe even contact a psychologist! And never consider yourself insignificant and don’t talk about yourself like that and never allow others to speak badly about you, if a person doesn’t love and respect himself, no one around him loves or respects him! Just love yourself for who you are, for the fact that you exist in the world - girl Anna, you are a person, you are unique and there is no other like you!!!

Julia, age: 22 / 01/30/2010

Anyut, what are you afraid of? you suffer from shyness, did I understand correctly? You know, this happens often, especially at your age. I remember my cousin, until he was 25, was simply afraid to shop in the store. He was embarrassed to talk with sellers and cashiers, not just talk, but be nearby and make contact - just give money for purchases. He was afraid to travel on public transport - it seemed to him that everyone was looking at him and laughing at him or being surprised at how strange or scary he was. UUUHorrible. An ordinary guy, a handsome, thin blonde, of average height, but he was extremely shy of himself, just painfully. It passed without a trace! he laughs now when we remember. When I was studying at the institute, you know, I was constantly dying of fear that I would be asked about something in class, I was afraid to speak in front of other students and suffered from shyness for all 5 years. constantly spoke in a trembling voice. Yes, I still would rather fall into a coma than go public, but I’m already a big aunt. This also really interferes with my life; for me, any management meeting at work is simply torture. My friend is the same, and she is 46 years old)))). And in life I am very cheerful and sociable, but there is some kind of shyness thing. You know, to me and to many people in general, shy people seem the most charming, really))) Anh, don’t even think about leaving the institute! don't be cowardly. Go and be shy if you really want to. Why on earth are you the worst??? what are you doing?? Yes, you just can’t imagine what kind of personnel there are - the same ordinary schoolchildren, some smart, some very stupid, and mostly average students. And don’t even think about dying! You are a young girl, shy. So what? I studied at a very prestigious university - yes, in our whole group there were three smart people, a few were just ordinary, and the majority were dull and stupid. Well, even if you don’t know or can’t do something, so what??? You came to study, you will prepare for the sessions and everything else. let's not be discouraged. write again how you are doing, okay?

Anna, age: 33 / 01/30/2010

Anya, now it seems that these fears will never go away, that this hell will never end. But believe me, you will outgrow it, like thousands of others in your situation. The problem is that social fears feed on our inaction. The more diligently we try to avoid the situations we fear, the stronger the fear. You will have to meet fear halfway, look it in the eyes - this is your courage. If you are afraid of doing something wrong, do something wrong on purpose. Let your heart beat, let it at least jump out - go to college and ask if, based on the results of these exams, you can enter next year. In the meantime, attend lectures as a volunteer listener, then you will definitely not be worse than others. I was able to get in, which means my brains are in the right place. Train yourself, do what is scary. And don’t be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t work out right away. You still have your whole life ahead of you.

Anya, age: 24 / 01/31/2010

An, I, too, like you, was afraid of making a mistake, some kind of wrong action, etc. Previously, this fear was even stronger, but now it is practically gone. Do you think I haven't thought about murder? I thought, but I experienced it within myself, not necessarily hoping for a better future, but simply out of stubbornness and a desire to change the world around me. Through painful nights, depression, tears, I slowly walked forward and recognized myself more with each stage, and with it the world. What you call shame is not shame, it is fear, and if you use it correctly, it will strengthen you. You don't think like everyone else, and that's good. People really mock each other at what they consider other people’s stupid actions, and maybe at yours too. But this is not an indicator of your insignificance. Most of them, as a rule, do not know how to draw conclusions from the mistakes of others, and sometimes from their own. Think about it, who are they to talk about some of your shortcomings? I have never seen a single worthy person who “exposed” the shortcomings of others. The exception is justified criticism of some idiot who has already annoyed everyone and no one likes. If you are aware of your shortcomings, it means that you are higher in development than other people who are much worse than you, and certainly they themselves are not aware of their shortcomings or are indifferent to them. Gradually, your mistakes will be reduced, the main thing is not to alienate yourself from society completely. Walk around the site we are on now and its sections - I have learned a lot for myself. Everyone has their own sphere of life interests. Find what interests you more and what you understand more about and try not to be suspicious of other people’s thoughts about you. Good luck.

Valkyrie, age: 16 / 02/02/2010

Hello! I work in journalism. And you know, there is not a single person in the profession who would not be afraid to talk to people at first. They don't teach this in institutes. In truth, they don’t teach anything there at all; people can only learn something themselves. And they come there precisely for knowledge, and for nothing else. Not a single person in the world has ever been born a professor. 4th-5th year students come to our newspaper and are embarrassed to even talk on the phone! Then it goes away. Fight fire with fire. When I need to do something, but I’m scared, I personally always tell myself: the eyes are afraid, but the hands do it. And I do! Sometimes I say: they won’t hit you on the head. And I do it again! The main thing is I do it! Believe me, dear, communicating with people is an art, and there is no person who would not be afraid to “say something wrong.” Everyone around you seems so important: you seem to be worse. But in fact, I agree that the other side of this problem is pride: everyone seems to only think about you, only look at you, only discuss you. This is not true. It’s scary, as I said, for everyone. There is even a joke: don’t think about what others think about you, they are too concerned about what you think about them. And it is true! When I go to a meeting, I often say this statement to myself, and it becomes easier. The important guy in the tie doesn’t seem so scary anymore, he’s just a person and is no less interested in impressing me than I am in him. And is it worth thinking about the impression of others? My friend uses a more radical principle: I don’t care what you think about me, I don’t think about you at all! What to think? It’s impossible to get into someone else’s head! Yes, some people can spread gossip, well, if they have nothing else to do, let them do it and stop, why pay your precious attention to such people? But you don’t need to be afraid of good people, they will always support both the conversation and you, because communication depends not on one person, but on at least two. The devil is not as scary as he is painted! Hang in there, everything will work out for you!

Little Wolf, age: 23/02/03/2010

Hello Anna. I want to support you, because this is a problematic issue for me. From school to this day, and I am now graduating from university, I have no friends. Also fear of people for their mental abilities, appearance, and much more. And I live with a constant feeling of tension. It's very hard. And it takes away all the strength that needs to be preserved. After all, you went to college to STUDY. And everything else doesn't matter. You will find friends anywhere. But knowledge is not everywhere. And if you are afraid of disgracing yourself, then figure out why. And work on it. BE YOURSELF. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE YOU FOR THIS. Good luck!!!

RI, age: 22/02/07/2010

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Psychological symptoms

Rhabdophobia is accompanied by its owner constantly, and during periods of increased stress, symptoms may intensify. On a psychological level, rhabdophobes are often dissatisfied with themselves and their achievements, and their self-criticism can reach self-destructive proportions. Every attempt or action is perceived as the most unsuccessful and doomed to failure, followed by the same terrible punishment.

I'm afraid of getting an infection

A peculiar problem of fear arises in people with the skin vector. The skin is their most sensitive area; it is through it that they are afraid of introducing any infection into the body. Sometimes such a person with manic zeal washes his hands and treats them with antiseptic a hundred times a day.

You can get rid of the problem of skin fear through awareness of the nature of its formation, and then through the realization of skin talents: ambition, enterprise, desire for novelty and change, high income and status. This is what those for whom fears are a thing of the past say:

The most common psychological symptoms of rhabdophobia are:

• nervousness;
• anxiety;
• dissatisfaction with oneself;
• irritability;
• self-flagellation;
• low self-esteem.

With fear of punishment, the problem lies precisely in the thoughts, since the fear is aimed precisely at the expectation of retribution. Rhabdophobes tend to attach meaning to ordinary life failures. For example, a broken cup is a punishment for sleeping for a long time, hitting your little finger on the doorframe, thinking badly about someone, and so on. Often, rhabdophobia is difficult to detect on your own due to the fact that such behavior is an attitude towards life.

Rhabdophobia can be a consequence of:

• regular or one-time domestic violence;
• peer bullying;
• conflicts with teachers, educators;
• difficult relationships with family members.

Fear of punishment is characteristic of people who grew up in deeply religious and dysfunctional families. It is worth noting that in outwardly prosperous families there will be psychological and physical punishment, which is used “for good,” according to the parents. Another important trigger can be the constant promise of punishment, which does not happen. Then the child grows up in constant anticipation of something bad.

Emotionality in and out

System-vector psychology says that there are eight vectors - sets of innate mental properties of a person that determine his desires and abilities. As system-vector psychology explains, first of all, stage fright is characteristic of people with a visual vector. These are very emotional people, extroverts, who, moreover, in certain states love to show themselves and have a tendency to be public and demonstrative. That is, these are precisely those people who, with the correct development of their properties, feel most organic on stage, perform with pleasure, relaxed, freely, infecting the audience with their emotions, awakening empathy in them.

However, the properties of the visual vector may not be developed in childhood. This means that a child with rich emotional potential was not taught to bring his emotions out, to show his feelings. For example, a visual boy was forbidden to cry because “men don’t cry.” Or the parents simply did not have time to show attention to the child, while the little viewer especially needs it, much more than other children. He definitely needs to express his emotions, but his parents have no time. Situations are different, but the result is always the same - clogging emotions inside.

Possessing enormous emotional amplitude, visual people often find themselves in extreme states - the experience of incredible love at one end and the fear of death at the other. The latter has its root in our collective unconscious. The skin-visual woman was the daytime guard of an ancient human pack. She was the first with her keen vision to notice a lurking predator in the savannah and became frightened, releasing fear pheromones. The strongest fear of death, which only this woman with great sensual potential could experience, saved the life of the pack. He was acquitted then, but even now he is still present in the psyche of visual people.

Spectators are born with a fear of death, and this, in turn, is the cause of many other fears, including stage fright. Developing feelings, bringing them out to other people helps to get rid of this fundamental fear, and at the same time from all other fears at once.

It is useless to persuade yourself and imagine that there are pumpkins sitting in the hall instead of people. It is useless to go through the doorsteps of public speaking courses, trying to get rid of the numbness that covers you at the sight of spectators through regular training. You need to realize your properties and learn to direct them in the right direction. Stage fright goes away as soon as you manage to forget about yourself and focus your feelings on those for whom they are intended - the audience.