How to stop being afraid to meet girls

If you came to this page, then you have already successfully understood and accepted the existence of a problem. This is already half the battle on the way to how to stop being afraid of meeting girls. Sometimes a guy shows off, claiming that girls are already running after him, so why make the effort? But in fact, those ladies who really want to run away from him are “running” after him.

It’s normal to be afraid of dating if you have no experience or haven’t practiced for a long time. Only from failed relationships? Suddenly grew up and decided to turn girls' heads? The reasons are different for everyone, but the path is the same. The fear of not being able to approach a girl is like an itchy bug in your ear. It seems that you have gathered your will into a fist and you understand that you have nothing to lose if you fail, but you break out in a cold sweat and the words do not come together into a phrase. First, let's understand what the reason is.

Find the reason for your fear: this will help you stop being afraid to meet people

Well, you know that girls consider the most attractive part of a man's brain. There are many examples of how guys with serious physical defects fell in love with beautiful and successful girls. Do you think they are less afraid to meet people than you? It’s unlikely that you have to worry that you won’t be able to carry a girl in your arms because you have no arms, or that you won’t be able to invite her to a slow dance because you’re shorter than her waist. If the experience of these guys teaches us anything, it’s that fears are generally nonsense:

The attitude: “Beautiful girls don’t go to people like you.” What's wrong with you and who said you're worse than the other guy? Everyone, even the most successful people, went through overcoming their complexes. Some parents cleared their brains so much that they needed the help of a psychologist. But all this is only in our heads and you determine the boundaries yourself.
You are afraid that you are from “different worlds”. She's rich and you're not. Why did she decide: she could get the latest model of iPhone on credit, and the expensive handbag was a high-quality fake or bought in stock.
You're afraid you won't attract the girl. Yes, I beg you, yes, there are hunters of wealth, but there are also plenty of ordinary normal girls. Moreover, everyone, without exception, wants big and beautiful love.
The attitude “Beauties are nothing but problems.” Believe me, there will be even more terrible troubles, but much less pleasure. In addition, the concept of beauty is very subjective.
Past experience: ridiculed, betrayed, offended. We hope that you have already cried and suffered, which means it’s time to move on.
Afraid of seeming stupid. You are not a girl, which means you will be forgiven for this too. Besides, get used to not paying attention to the crowd's reaction.
A set of complexes: stuttering, big nose, small nose, protruding ears... Aren't you tired of sweating? Yes, she may only fall in love with your red hair and freckles, or be crazy about your chubby cheeks. You need to work on your appearance and personal qualities, but what’s more important is how you present yourself.

Pay attention to the outside

Look at the man in the mirror and think, is everything okay with him? Who does he look like - a tough male or a complex youngster? Because you project all your complexes to others.

Is your smile far from Hollywood? You begin to shy away, cover your mouth with your hand, and behave awkwardly. This behavior is a signal to the girl: “Look here, you fool! See, there is a clear problem here!” Go to the dentist and stop feeling inferior.
Does the figure resemble a fainting worm? You'll wear bulkier clothes to compensate. But oversized doesn’t suit everyone. These guys are more like stray dogs than confident seducers. Go to the gym, get yourself in order. Even a potato sack looks cool on a pumped-up guy.
With an overgrown beard, you look like a lumberjack from the outback, but without it they don’t even sell you beer? Go to a normal barbershop and get yourself cleaned up. Then the girls will stop shying away from you, as if you were a graduate of a tuberculosis dispensary.

Find the key moment when fear prevents you from getting to know each other

Before you overcome the fear of approaching a girl, you need to understand at what point you are screwing up. For example, it’s easy for you to communicate with girls in a friendly format, but it doesn’t work out on a romantic wave. Or you completely turn to stone, even at the mere thought of meeting someone, let alone approaching you. Maybe you are afraid to meet people in public places because refusal will hurt your pride. Let's reveal a secret: if a girl refuses an attractive and charming guy, then most will decide that the problem is with her, and not with you. Besides, we already said that it’s time to grow up and forget about the opinions of others.

Where do the legs grow from or the root of the problem2

What can I say, but Domostroy has long since sunk into oblivion. Matriarchy, which was laughed at and not accepted, considered hopeless, has long been confidently walking across the planet. Men themselves missed the point when they allowed women into their gardens. First they allowed them to become equal, and then they withdrew. Tell me, isn't it? Ok, let's figure it out.

Women are now allowed to do a lot: to drive a car and drive a country. Wants: to practice boxing, wants to: lift weights, wants to: play politics. And the woman achieves certain successes. But, most importantly, they educate us. Come on, remember how many of your friends grew up in two-parent families? Now remember how often fathers came to them... The statistics are depressing. If we take it globally, women raise boys in splendid isolation. It has become normal: to “bang” the heir and “fly off into the sunset” under the guise of “I’m not ready.” It’s easier for guys to pay child support if she turns out to be persistent than to change diapers. As a result, the boy grows up in a female society: his mother at home, a teacher in the kindergarten, and at the Maryivanna school.

Initially, guys are very aggressive and conflict-ridden. But such is the nature: the establishment of a hierarchy of position in society. Men are susceptible to this due to nature: stronger, taller, faster. Do you remember who in nature is worthy of a female? Only the fastest male.

Things haven't been this way for people for a long time. Mothers tremble over their sons as if over a crystal vase. Oh, he fell, oh, he got into a fight. As a result, the guy’s brain is washed to squeaking purity, and he grows up to be a complete “nerd.” Yes, he is an intellectual, brought up in the best traditions, but he is by no means a man. He's a good boy that everyone makes fun of. But it doesn’t occur to a woman that such a guy’s masculinity parameter is zero. At best, he will grow into a closed-off “computer genius” who only sees girls on the Internet; at worst, he will become a “conchita wurst.”

What's the result? What does matriarchal upbringing lead to:

Fear of women in general. From her, men receive punishment and encouragement. Mother, sister, grandmother, teacher. They are all projections. Guys are attached to them by association. Accordingly, any woman will cause mental dissonance.
Fear of dating. It is a continuation of the first point. You are afraid of the first approach only because you are instinctively preparing for discontent and hostility. After all, your actions may be full of mistakes, and for them you have received scoldings since childhood. As a result, the brain becomes distorted, panic increases, and the situation becomes stressful. In addition, girls are brought up in the spirit that every second person is a maniac. Therefore, you can get hit on the head with a bag once or twice.
Fear of relationships. Well, then, as according to the script. You haven’t approached yet, but you’ve already replayed in your head your entire future life, full of disappointments and alimony.

After all these conclusions, you are unlikely to approach a beauty, and even if you decide to experiment, you will stand like a block, blowing bubbles and mumbling templates about a phone number and eyes the color of the sky.

What it looks like from the outside: there are two quite decent representatives of the human race standing. One is faint from the fear of meeting someone, the second is in a panic from the presence of a maniac. You mutter something about “let me know your name”, she already sees the headlines “found in a forest belt”, you are trying to make jokes, she clutches the bag tighter. Take care of your belongings, boy, a blow will follow. This is the worst case scenario. But more often than not, the lady makes a contemptuous face, lets out a caustic phrase and proudly hops off on a minibus, sitting in which she tells her friend about yet another idiot. If you had approached full of confidence, you most likely would have become the owner of the phone number.

Theory in the furnace - get experience

Let's talk about a basic way of not being afraid to meet girls. Theory is great, but going too far with the theory will make you an overloaded and slow processor that doesn’t know which of the read phrases to display or which dating method to use. Your goal is not just to stop being afraid to meet people, but to learn to meet girls naturally and without unnecessary affectation and show-off.

Even getting behind the wheel for the first time is scary. And remember how I watched my first thriller - it was so scary that I didn’t sleep at night, and even obviously ran to my mother, and now - “guts, fountains of blood,” and you should at least give a damn. It’s the same with dating: the first time your throat gets dry and your cheeks flush with color, but the main thing is to move forward and try again and again. Meet cute strangers 5-7 times a week and you will see how every day there will be more and more girls who don’t mind continuing to communicate. This will help you both overcome your fear of meeting a girl and become more confident in yourself.

How to get rid of fear4

Now let’s talk about getting rid of this notorious fear.

Remember, women don't bite! Moreover, if your tackle is competent, they will also smile. And if you ever learn a really masculine behavior, you can buy a tie for the first date.
Choose for yourself. If you are a simple plumber, then the story about “Cinderella” has nothing to do with you: stripes to stripes, spots to spots. So the lady in the Lexus is not for you. Another thing is that if you drive such a car yourself, then you can safely flex your muscles.
Learn the rules of etiquette. You can just learn a couple of flowery greeting phrases. Remember a few points of behavior in the presence of a lady. Study farewell phrases when refusing. And don’t even try to put on a poker face if you are refused, you will grumble and mumble later, and at this moment you should politely bow out.

Appearance. If you think that an eight-piece cap and a glass of sunflower seeds make you look brutal, then you are sorely mistaken. Since you are already going to “hunt”, then prepare your best “plumage”. Neatness and a good smell are your helpers. Just without any extra polish, otherwise you’ll look like a Faberge egg, and the girl will decide that you’re a pompous jerk.
A place to meet. Choose your territory carefully. In general, the location is not particularly important, but the atmosphere itself can make its own adjustments. At least in the sense that it itself will prompt your actions. For example, a gym. There you can kindly secure or set up the simulator, show up for training at the same time as her, and run for water if the need arises. In transport, you can simply give up your seat. It’s easy to meet people at the club, buy a cocktail, and you’re in the ladies. He offered his hand, held the door and other gentlemanly things. The place allows you to overcome fear because it suggests a model of behavior.
Sedatives. Yes, yes, exactly sedatives. Just don’t eat packs of tranquilizers, otherwise the lady will decide that you are a snuffed-out bastard. Infusion of chamomile, valerian, motherwort or thyme, glycine, in severe cases, when you are on the verge of fainting, afobazole can help. Just not alcohol! This is the worst solution.
Literature. Just not tabloid reading from Vasya Pupkin, but famous authors on psychology. How to distinguish? Only in the library can you find worthy works. Everything else goes into the firebox, because it’s just waste paper.

Go to a psychologist. Great topic, by the way. But first, read reviews about the specialist. Otherwise, you might get an appointment with a moron who doesn’t know anything and doesn’t know how to do anything other than rip off honest citizens.
Old movies. You know, times don't change. Girls have always loved the classics. So good old Soviet and other paintings can give you a good hint.

Moment of truth: 5 rules to make dating a success

You trembled, turned pale and blushed, now read the rules and behave confidently in front of her. She is also worried and embarrassed in front of you, so don’t complicate things, but rather:

Be yourself. Don't play brutal and don't show off. Naturalness wins over artificial words.
Take advantage of the situation. If he’s bored, make him laugh; if you see that he’s watching something, start a discussion. Don’t try to immediately flatter and conquer - give her time to warm up to you as a person.
Break the barrier. Some girls immediately erect a wall as soon as they are bombarded with compliments and attacked with “tricks”. Get to know each other casually and discreetly: just communicate and be interesting to her. A little later you will say that she is beautiful and has an infectious laugh.
Be interesting and make your communication fun. To do this, you need to be able to carry on a conversation and navigate not only online games.
Jokes and make her laugh, but forget about memorized jokes and preoccupied jokes.

Now you know how to overcome the fear of meeting a girl and what you need for this. Go ahead, work on yourself and at the same time practice seduction. You will quickly notice that the more you invest in yourself and get to know each other more often, the better the result.

The main thing is practice

Some girls are attracted to shy guys, but what if you are unlucky and the girl of your dreams is in no hurry to get to know you, and you are afraid to call or write to her?

If you have a friend you trust and feel comfortable with, then ask him for a favor and practice your dating skills. From the outside, flaws are usually more visible, so together it will be easier for you to identify and correct them.

What you should pay attention to during such exercises:

try to maintain eye contact with the interlocutor: it should look as natural as possible;
choose a pose that reflects your confidence: no slouched back or crossed legs;
learn to start a dialogue naturally, think through phrases and topics;
don't forget to smile.

If you don't have the opportunity to conduct such trainings with a friend, try practicing in front of a mirror. Don’t be afraid to look funny: most likely it won’t turn out very well at first, but quality comes with experience.

Keep in mind that when communicating with girls, it is important to be able to give compliments. They love them, but if you are not a master of artistic expression, then it is better not to improvise, but to prepare several successful options in advance. Considering that guys and girls may have different ideas about successful compliments, I advise you to ask your mother or sister in advance about how good your compliments are from their point of view.

General Tips

I would like to dwell specifically on tips that will help you not only win the attention of your beloved, but also competently conduct a conversation in any life situation.

Don't just talk about yourself or your hobbies. She may be interested in completely different topics, so give her the opportunity to talk about them.
Ask questions that will help your conversation. For example, if a girl was at a concert, don’t rush to tell her right away what kind of music you prefer. Try asking her about her musical tastes first.
Remember that there are two people in a conversation, so don't limit yourself solely to questions or answers.
If you are not confident in your speaking abilities and the need to talk scares you, choose movies or concerts for your first dates - you will spend time together and you will have a lot of topics to talk about.

Types of fears of communicating with girls

The following types of phobias are distinguished:

Numbness. A man is afraid to move and loses the ability to talk when he sees a woman.
Panic. Most often occurs during dating or before sexual intercourse. A person experiences terrible fear, which is why he may even lose consciousness.
Demonstrativeness. In this case, the patient masks his phobia in every possible way, replacing it with inappropriate behavior. A man may show indifference or even show anger.
Cyclicality. A person tries to overcome fear, but when he finds himself in similar situations, he is faced with panic and anxiety, which do not allow him to take a step forward.
Hermitage. This type is characterized by the fact that the patient abstracts himself from society and tries not to make contact unless necessary.

Practice

Psychological states like fear are irrational and nest deep in the subconscious. You do not choose whether to be afraid or not; accordingly, even understanding the meaninglessness of fear on a conscious level will not protect you from its influence. For example, it is impossible to stop being afraid of water while remaining on land - everyone who knows how to swim knows this. Sooner or later you will have to jump, only then will the power of the phobia be shaken, and subsequent attempts will make it possible to completely eliminate it.

The first attempt to overcome fear will be difficult only if you doubt and decide for a long time. By analogy with water, this is the difference between a jump and a slow dive: the latter gives you time to change your mind, while the former does not imply a way back at all.

Symptoms of the disorder

Cynophobia can occur in people of all ages. There are several forms of the disease. With a mild degree, the patient experiences only anxiety before meeting new people. If severe, he will refuse new contacts.

At the mental level, this manifests itself in a feeling of panic, anxiety, and the desire to escape. The patient becomes indecisive, he mutters something under his breath and hides his gaze. Often people with kenophobia slouch, shrink, and try to become less noticeable.

The art of casual conversation

In order to start a conversation with the girl you like, you need some preparation. You can find out more about this in our articles on how to meet a girl and what is best to talk to her about on the first date.

Remember, in order for the conversation to be successful and not end with an awkward pause after the first phrase, you should think through the topic of the conversation in advance, prepare questions that the girl will be interested in answering, and also work on your appearance.

Before the first conversation with the one you like, you can practice on friends or relatives. Try to start a conversation when you are in your own company. By the reaction of your loved ones, you will be able to understand how natural it looks, and whether you are choosing interesting enough topics for discussion.

Talk to people

Try to talk to strangers every day. This helps a lot to loosen up and overcome insecurities.

Both the salesperson in the supermarket and your neighbor in line at the cash register are suitable for such conversations.

Be sincere

As you overcome your insecurities, remember to be yourself. A girl would rather meet a nice and modest guy than a feigned braggart. Any falsity is clearly visible from the outside, so try to be natural.

If you can't think of a single unforgettable phrase to start a conversation, don't worry. If you just walk up to a girl and politely introduce yourself, and then ask how her day is going, she will like it more than a fancy quote you found on the Internet.

Learn to listen

Girls love to be listened to. Therefore, remember that you must prepare not a monologue, but a dialogue in which she can actively participate.

Learn not only to speak, but also to ask questions and listen. Interesting topics prepared in advance will help you in those moments when there is an awkward pause in the conversation.