Hatred is a negative, intensely colored feeling that reflects disgust, rejection, hostility towards the object of hatred (group, person, phenomenon, inanimate object). A negative feeling is caused either by the actions of the object or by the qualities inherent in it. Hatred can be associated with pleasure in the failure of the object, as well as with the desire to cause harm to that object.
The reasons for hatred and malice can be so insignificant and petty that the apparent irrationality of these reasons can easily be inspired from the outside, and this in turn makes it possible to assume that people have an initial need for hatred, as well as hostility.
Part of the conflicts associated with negative feelings is seen as the release of aggressiveness, while hatred is directed from one object to another. In other cases, hatred does not manifest itself in conflicts, but exists as a mental mechanism. Social hatred is understood as a hateful feeling of a group of people, which occurs with severe conflicts in society (wars, riots, genocide), and also serves as one of the causes of discrimination.
Hatred of people
This feeling can appear quite naturally in every person. This happens depending on your satisfaction or dissatisfaction with your life, as well as with yourself. Hatred towards people develops for completely objective reasons, as well as for purely subjective reasons, reflecting exclusively the personal vision of any person, as well as people in general.
A person can receive harm and benefit from hatred, as well as from any other feeling. Everything depends on controlling and managing our feelings and emotions. Each person may have really explainable and also completely natural reasons for a negative feeling. However, before we understand why we hate, we must ask ourselves: who do we love? Who do we like? What kind of person can we respect? Do we like egoists? Do we like people who are smart enough and strong enough to ignore our interests? Do we like people who do not serve our interests and interfere with our lives? But in this life no one owes us anything, but many of us expect more from other people than from ourselves personally, and if the expectations are not met, we begin to hate such people. Don't you think that hatred is evidence of your weakness, stupidity, helplessness?
Hatred in a person is expressed in his internal rebellion, which arises due to external unacceptable circumstances. This rebellion destroys the individual from within, because a person has a desire to get what he wants, but he just doesn’t have the opportunity. What happens next? Unexpected aggression in the form of hatred corrodes a person’s inner world, deforming his psyche. In fact, hatred is the same resentment, only in a more specific and harsh form. When you are offended, you do not wish anything bad for the person, while the hater has negative wishes for his object of hatred.
How to resolve the conflict?
If a certain situation serves as a reason for hostility towards a particular person, then it should be resolved in order to stop hating. How to do it? Unfortunately, there is no single, universal pattern of behavior that can be used to get out of a conflict situation. Each conflict is resolved in its own way, taking into account the peculiarities of its occurrence, the interests and desires of the warring parties, as well as the circumstances surrounding the escalation of the situation.
The following helps resolve conflicts and, accordingly, get rid of hatred:
- searching for a solution to an existing problem;
- recognition of the character traits of another person;
- identifying and eliminating the true cause of hostility;
- understanding the actions of the object of anger and the motives that motivate them;
- focusing on finding common ground rather than seeking sympathy;
- frank discussion of the situation in a calm and constructive manner;
- assistance from third parties, mediation of people respected by both warring parties;
- the ability to admit one’s own shortcomings, mistakes and mistakes;
- willingness to apologize if there is guilt.
When trying to end the conflict and get rid of the feeling of hatred that destroys the psyche, there is no need to strive for friendship with an unpleasant person or try to begin to sympathize with him. You shouldn't rush from one extreme to the other.
Hate and love
These feelings, which are opposite to each other, act as antonyms, and are often considered independently of each other.
Hatred and love are considered as components of a certain unity; these feelings can simultaneously be combined in one individual and manifest themselves dually in relation to another person. The ambivalence of hatred and love in close relationships is one of the central ideas of psychoanalysis. Freud simultaneously connected the manifestations of hatred and love in close relationships in conflict situations.
Some ethologists have noted that there is a relationship between hatred and love through the connection between mental and physiological mechanisms that provide humans and animals with the ability to have personal close relationships, as well as the ability to aggression.
Konrad Lorenz pointed out that there is no love without aggression, and there is also no hatred without love. Often a person hates the one he loves, and often these feelings cannot be separated. They coexist, and one does not destroy what the other creates.
One explanation for the strong connection between hate and love is the idea that a deep connection with another person has a significant impact on the course of the relationship, so if a conflict arises, it will proceed with more passion and force than quarrels with strangers. It has been noted that when experiencing love for an object, this feeling does not allow the expression of negative emotions that arise, which leads to the accumulation and intensification of hostility.
The popular consciousness has noticed that from love to hatred there is one step, however, this popular wisdom is disputed by psychologist Erich Fromm, who claims that hatred is not transformed into love, but into the narcissism of lovers, which means it is not true love.
Psychologists note that to form a feeling of love, as well as a feeling of hatred, one needs experience from childhood, relationships with the object of love.
Love hatred arises when there is acute dissatisfaction when events unfold differently than desired. For example, a loved one has stopped satisfying the needs of the loving person’s EGO (lack of care, admiration, affection, attention).
When the sense of self-worth (EGO) is slightly developed, then a person loves regardless of whether there is a response towards him. With a strongly developed EGO, initially there is a resentment towards the object of love: “Why don’t they love me?”, “And they don’t love me the way I do.” A person develops a contrast between reality and expectations. And as a result, resentment develops into hatred, as a defensive reaction of his EGO: “if you don’t love me, then I won’t love you either!” It is difficult to forgive a person who underestimated us and did not reciprocate.
People have forgotten that love is the highest spiritual feeling, which means forgiveness, spiritual bestowal, patience, self-sacrifice. Every person loves differently. Some people give love (without reciprocation), while others are only ready to receive love, but are not ready to give. To develop readiness for love as a gift, spiritual work on oneself is necessary, and any love failure is an experience that develops and makes a person stronger.
Delete
I am always happy when people disagree with me. I have nothing against.
But often people are unable to express their disagreement, and it manifests itself in an unpleasant and angry form.
If I can, I delete these people. You can write “delete” in quotation marks. Sometimes it's not a critic from a blog, but someone from real life. I also delete such people. I don't talk to those who harm me.
What if it's your boss or someone you're forced to talk to? Then I am indifferent to them. I let them do what they want. I nod in greeting in the hallways. I don't kowtow or ingratiate myself to try to get them to love me. If over time these people behave well, I will start communicating with them again.
What if someone yells at you on the phone? Just say, “I need to go.” I have fallen for this, especially when I was younger, and wanted to shout back. “Why are you doing this to me?!” Such situations were very painful. But they taught me to behave differently in the future.
Anger and hatred
What is the difference between hatred and malice? Initially, anger arises as a flaring emotion, which then turns into a negative feeling. Anger often represents aggression either towards a certain situation or towards a living being. This feeling not only has a negative effect, because it is not for nothing that it is inherent in a person by nature. However, when the emotion of anger gets out of control, it can cause great harm to a person.
You should not condemn anger and call it unworthy and unnatural of people. If evil were not inherent in people, then they would be robots. Every person is capable of being angry. The whole point is what exactly this anger will result in. It is important to maintain balance in everything. Negative emotions must alternate with positive ones, and all this in order to maintain a person’s health. The human brain is designed in such a way that when negative feelings prevail, it slows down its work. A person’s objective thinking disappears, and he doesn’t even think about the consequences. This emotion also negatively affects the functioning of the cardiovascular system.
Envy - hatred
There is an opinion that envy gives rise to hatred, since envy can develop from a pronounced form into a negative feeling. Often an envious person secretly seeks to harm the person he envies.
Envy is a personal feeling, while hatred can embrace human communities (peoples, nations, states).
Spinoza defined envy as hatred that affects a person in such a way that the individual feels displeasure at the sight of someone else's happiness, or vice versa - is pleased at the sight of someone else's misfortune.
Some researchers attribute envy and hatred to cognate words. Others note that envy is expressed in the ability to notice one's resource limits, while hatred is noted in the lack of ability to see the merits and resources in other individuals.
Hatred towards men
Often, hatred of men has childhood roots. Future women develop a negative feeling towards men due to insults and oppression from dads, grandfathers or older brothers. Prerequisites for a negative attitude may be domestic violence towards other members, for example towards the mother. As a result, there is a fear of men and a fear of building relationships with them.
So, hatred of men arises from psychological problems: not accepting men in their natural manifestations and not accepting oneself as a woman. If there is a negative experience, for example, when parents get divorced, live in quarrels, in discord, and there is violence, cruelty, and rudeness in the family, this will have a direct impact on the future woman’s rejection of men. This will result in hatred of men or hatred of future children. The lack of harmony in a woman’s acceptance of the essence of men affects the psychological state (causing a lack of understanding, depression, self-dislike, failure in her personal life), and also affects the woman’s physical well-being.
Hatred for ex-husband
It is very difficult to express in words when many unsystematized claims arise against a once very dear and close person, giving rise to a feeling of hatred that undermines internal strength.
How to get rid of hatred towards your ex-husband? You just need to forgive and accept him with all his shortcomings. The forgiveness method includes only seven sequential steps.
• Step one: you need to make a list of why you hate your ex-husband and what exactly you accuse him of. At the same time, reflect on how you feel in these situations. Thus, you will still throw out excess negativity.
• Step two: you should answer yourself the question - what exactly were your expectations with your ex-husband. Thus, you will come to a conclusion about what exactly made you so tense in the situation with your ex-husband and what caused the negative emotion.
• Step three: try to put yourself in his shoes. This will give you the opportunity to sort it out and also understand his feelings. Maybe he also experienced similar fears that he wanted to get rid of. Analyzing the situation, it may become clearer when your ex-husband accused you of the same thing.
• Step four: forgive yourself, namely the part that hated your ex and therefore behaved incorrectly because it did all this out of fear.
• Step five: check yourself - have you forgiven? In this case, imagine if you can tell your ex-husband about the three steps you have taken. How do you feel when you think about it? Doubt and fear indicate stages that have not been completed.
• Step six: talk to your ex-husband, talk about your experiences and find out if he had similar feelings towards you.
• Step seven: analyze your life - whether there were similar situations with your father in relation to you. Perhaps you also accused him of similar things. If the answer is yes, apply all the above steps to it as well.
The uniqueness of the method lies in the ability to change perception at the subconscious level, which will allow you to forgive and let go of all the negative moments in your life.
The problem is also with you
I don't even think about many of my haters. But some people manage to push the right buttons. Some randomly get into my soul. Or not by chance. Like, for example, a relative who knows exactly which buttons to press. If someone finds the right button, I get angry and defensive. But it's not because people said something terrible about me. But because under the thick armor of anger lies my fear that they might be right. I may not even admit it to myself. After all, they were the ones who raised the knife first, so I can blame them for everything. But in reality it turns out that I myself continue to thrust this “knife” into myself.
Let's take the same example again. I pulled it out from hundreds of other examples, not because it is particularly unpleasant. I just realized that then I could tell the story of how a girl in 7th grade made fun of my voice. Maybe I'm just really worried that I have a strange voice. It's important to note this for yourself.
When you constantly notice things to yourself, you at least separate those things from the endless stream of thoughts. You remember them and store them separately in your head. Therefore, it will be easier to recognize and deal with them in the future. Or maybe it will even help you learn more about yourself.
