How to make friends with others if you're a shy introvert

• Reasons for silence
• Basic methods
• Plan
• Trust yourself
• Keep calm
• Distract attention
• Be careful with questions
• Features of communication with a child
• Conclusion

There are often people whose conversation is a very difficult task. A person carefully hides his true thoughts and motives. It can be either a stranger or a very close one: wife, husband, parents, children. With some effort, it is possible to break through the wall of silence and isolation.

Be yourself

Introverts need solitude, and you shouldn’t give it up.
It's okay if you don't want to spend all your time around other people. So before you look for new friends, ask yourself, do you really need it? Maybe you just think that you should have more acquaintances - like everyone else? Or maybe this point of view was imposed on you? But if you really want to expand your social circle, first of all determine what kind of people you want to have around you. Usually you feel most comfortable with those who share your interests and views on life.

Therefore, you should focus on what interests you, find people with similar hobbies and let new acquaintances get to know you better and love you for who you really are.

Topic control

Before you start talking to a person, you need to think about the topic of the conversation. It is important to start the conversation correctly. English etiquette dictates that small talk should begin with the weather. This topic may seem boring, but it is suitable for attracting attention and starting communication. It’s just important not to overdo it when talking about the weather. The topic should be translated no later than 5 minutes.

In addition, it is important to remember the topics from the stop list:

• illnesses, medications and similar topics may make some people uncomfortable;
• you should not start talking about politics, this can lead to a quarrel due to differences in beliefs;
• too intimate topics, such as love relationships or religion, should also not be raised;
• You should refrain from asking questions about your material well-being, as this can put your interlocutor in an unpleasant position.

Change not yourself, but your behavior

Personality traits are not easy to change, but sometimes you can try to behave differently. Psychologists found out S. Margolis, S. Lyubomirsky. Experimental manipulation of extraverted and introverted behavior and its effects on well-being / Journal of experimental psychology. General, more extroverted behavior can have a positive effect on a person's well-being.

Try exchanging a few words with a colleague in the office kitchen, accepting an invitation to a party, leaving a comment in a community on a social network. Monitor how you feel when you do unusual things. If you're uncomfortable, don't force yourself.

Be interested in people, ask questions

When we meet new people, we have to talk about ourselves, and every introvert is afraid of this. But the conversation doesn't have to be about you.

Jenn Granneman

author of the book “The Secret Life of Introverts. The Art of Survival in the Loud World of Extroverts"

Introverts have a superpower: listening. So get the other person talking by asking questions.

People love to talk about themselves and what they think. Give them this opportunity and sometimes answer their questions.

Signs of withdrawal

People focused on their inner world are called introverts. They place a significant emphasis in their lives on their experiences and thoughts. They need a special approach; communication is not easy for such people. The main signs of the temperament of a closed personality:

1. Uncertainty. He does not express his opinion, remains silent, and is not an initiator.
2. Taciturnity. Pronounced from an early age, the child does not speak; if asked, he answers in short phrases.
3. Shyness. Doesn't want to be the center of attention.
4. Difficulty finding a common language with society. It is difficult to achieve success in your career and personal life.
5. Passivity, seriousness.

The external features of an uncommunicative person are noticeable even without contact with him:

1. Hands are always in your pockets. With this gesture he is trying to distance himself from the world.
2. Head down. He doesn’t believe in his attractiveness and tries to remain unnoticed.
3. Doesn't make eye contact when talking. Eyes are directed to the side even when communicating.

Social phobes are afraid that people will notice their inner feelings. Bad thoughts make them anxious.

Use your strengths

Other people may like your character traits, behavioral characteristics, and skills. Take advantage of this.

Study yourself, find out what you are good at. For example, you may be a great listener, compassionate and empathetic, and your friends may rely on you for support and ability to keep secrets.

Your unique qualities may appeal to another introvert who recognizes you as a congenial person, or they may complement the opposite traits of an extrovert.

Characteristics of a closed personality

Closed individuals behave constrainedly, they are secretive. Such people suffer from loneliness and are uncommunicative. An introvert outwardly reacts calmly to stressful situations, but inside they devour him.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Life is more difficult for a closed person due to difficulties with communication.

This type of character also has positive qualities: restraint, the ability to soberly assess the situation, independence, accuracy, and a responsible attitude to work.

Don't be afraid to try new things

If your current hobbies aren't helping you expand your social circle, look for new hobbies. You can start with something you've always been interested in: taking a dance class or a tour of your hometown, volunteering, or participating in community events.

There is no need to talk to anyone for the first time if you are uncomfortable. But if you enjoy it, you can continue going to events and maintain a relationship with someone you already met there.

We are often drawn to people with similar values ​​and experiences, but don't be afraid to meet people who are different from you. Communication with them will help expand your horizons or even change your view of the world.

Reasons for isolation

We will talk about healthy people who do not have mental disorders. Often the reasons for isolation lie in early childhood, less often in adulthood. The situation must be corrected immediately; neglect will lead to irreparable consequences.

Fear

Fear of the environment encourages distrust of the unknown. In order to get away from problems and avoid awkward situations, a person withdraws. Fear gains strength in the early stages of acquaintance; with close communication, a person shows himself from a liberated side.

About 70% of patients with an incurable disease become isolated due to the fear of death.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Resentment

Individuals prone to such problems do not know how to talk about their difficulties with others, and it is difficult for them to share their inner experiences. The beginning could be trauma from childhood: quarrels between parents, humiliation from peers. Resentment accumulates inside, giving rise to anger and aggression. Quite often such people become criminals.

Stress

Stress is the cause of isolation, the manifestation of which is more often characteristic of adults. A turning point in life prompts an individual to close himself off from the world around him for a while; melancholy eats him away from the inside.

With overcoming a stressful state, uncertainty disappears and vital energy is restored.

Lack of communication skills

Communication skills are a fundamental factor in interaction between people. The inability to communicate and talk with people is a natural reason for isolation. Such individuals may have a circle of similar development, with whom he will find a common language.

Criticism from others

Open criticism at an early age has a painful effect on the psychological development of a child. Children do not know how to take criticism properly. Harsh comments from teachers, parents, and outsiders can lead to psychological problems.

Low self-esteem

Uncertainty prevents communication with other people. A person does not accept himself as a person, thinking that he is far from the standard, most often invented by himself. The easy way out is to withdraw from society.

Psychological trauma

Psychological shock changes the personality and its attitude towards life. Childhood trauma hits hard and affects the child's future life. Most often, children who end up in an orphanage suffer psychological trauma. The feeling of betrayal by parents encourages stiffness and withdrawal from the world. It is especially noticeable in teenagers.

The loss of a loved one is a serious shock that makes itself felt for a long time.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

Take a closer look at people you already know

You don't have to look for friends among strangers. The author of books about introverts, Sophia Dembling, suggests First, Leave the House: Strategies for Making New Friends / Psychology Today to pay attention to those around you: some of them may turn out to be interesting people with similar hobbies and views on life.

Maybe your colleague loves the same music as you and would be happy to join you at a concert. Or he reads just as much and is ready to share his collection of interesting books. Or maybe your former classmate is actually an interesting girl with whom you can talk about everything in the world? Look closely at people!

Closedness in men

When men look for solutions to a stressful situation, they withdraw into themselves, turning off the part of the brain that is responsible for emotional activity. Conversations at such moments are kept to a minimum. 90% of men have a hobby in which he immerses himself headlong. A hobby helps you take your mind off external influences and return to the usual rhythm of life.

The cause of a psychological disorder in a man can be a break with a woman on her initiative. Then the man loses his self-esteem, courage, he is depressed and avoids communication.

Be a little more persistent

If you want to make friends with someone, don’t be afraid to take a risk and take the first step, write, start a conversation.

Sofia Dembling

author of books about introverts

What seems intrusive to you may seem friendly to others. Our sensitivity can work for us or against us. Don't be so sensitive that you're afraid to take risks. Be sensitive enough to know whether to step aside.

And don’t be afraid of awkwardness in communication if it arises at first. It does not describe you or the other person in any way. That's just what happens at the beginning of a friendship.

Show interest

A sincere desire to learn more about the interlocutor can encourage even the most reserved person to communicate. How to do it?

• You need to listen carefully to the speech of your interlocutor.
• It is necessary to respond to a person’s words and gestures and give compliments.
• If possible, it is worth asking questions, this will prove to the interlocutor that you are interested in communication and will help maintain the conversation.

The best way to get your interlocutor to talk is to be sincerely interested in his hobbies, life, and ask his opinion. All this will not only allow you to maintain acquaintance, but will also provide additional information about the person.

Don't chase quantity

Psychologists believe R. Cabello, P. Fernandez‑Berroca. Under which conditions can introverts achieve happiness? Mediation and moderation effects of the quality of social relationships and emotion regulation ability on happiness / PeerJ, which actually doesn’t matter how many friends you have. What matters is how suitable they are for you. Because the quality of relationships with people directly affects the feeling of happiness and satisfaction with life.

You may only need to have strong relationships with your family and one friend, get along with your co-workers, and maintain polite conversation when necessary. And if you feel so comfortable, good. In the end, it is better to have one but good friend than to gather a crowd of acquaintances for whom you have neither time nor energy.

How to respond to sarcasm

An example of a typical dialogue: - How are you?
- The same as five minutes ago. In such conversations, it is important to recognize sarcasm. Very often we get offended and leave, although there is a great way to cope with the situation. Take a calm pause and politely continue:

- I understand - What? - You want me to get away from you and leave you alone [or “that I get out of your life”, “that I don’t deserve this”]

The interlocutor will be taken aback, because you have read his thoughts. He himself will feel ashamed and most likely the dialogue will become calmer.

Get into the routine of friendship

Many introverts like routine, so don't be afraid to ask friends to meet once a week at a certain time. For example, to have lunch on Saturday at your favorite restaurant or take a walk in the park on Tuesday after work.

Jenn Granneman

author of the book “The Secret Life of Introverts. The art of surviving in the “loud” world of extroverts”

When we know what to expect, we feel more comfortable and spend less energy. In addition, this way you won’t have to come up with something new and interesting every time you get together.

Love yourself

Have you attended meditation courses, consultations on how to love yourself, trainings on finding your virtues? No? Then how can you determine what exactly you should be loved and cherished for if you yourself are in constant doubt? In order to dot all the I’s, start valuing yourself higher than you are now. Put your plans, ideas and worries first. Don't drop everything you're doing to talk with your partner. Of course, if it's something urgent, then answer the call or spend time with your loved one.

If the question can wait, then do not leave your current affairs, telling the man that you are busy now. A couple of these are a turn away and your husband or boyfriend will definitely think about it. Perhaps, realizing that he is not the center of the universe for you, your partner will begin to open up to you and show his emotions? After all, knowing that he is your everything, he has no need to strain.

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