“The young man calls me by my first name and patronymic”
We have been dating for more than a year, all this time the young man addresses me only by my first name and patronymic.
He calls his friends, ex-wife and ex-girlfriends by name, but never me! I tried to talk to him about this topic, but he avoids answering, laughs it off, and everything remains the same. I want to understand why he behaves this way and how to react to it. Elena, how would you like to react? Answer that way. Protest, if you want to protest, don’t respond. Do what comes naturally to you.
The form of address that he chose either creates a distance, or, conversely, emphasizes the “jocularity” of the situation, the frivolity of what is happening between you. Perhaps in such treatment there is a hint of your communication style: for example, he plays a leading, patronizing role in the relationship. If he calls his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends differently, perhaps this is how he wants to emphasize your special status.
You say he “evades answering and laughs it off” when discussing this topic. What does this mean and how does he do it? How do you feel at this moment? Perhaps you are offended, or perhaps, on the contrary, you perceive this as flirting. The young man has been calling you that for over a year. Is this communication style affecting your relationship? Does it help you get closer or, conversely, push you further apart?
If such treatment is really unpleasant for you, try to tell him about it honestly. Tell us that you feel tense, dissatisfied, outraged. Try not to reduce the conversation to a joke, emphasize that this is really important to you. Perhaps your partner is sure that you like this game yourself, and has no idea how you really feel.
If a man calls you by his first name and patronymic, we’ll find out all the nuances
An important component of the relationship between a couple in love is addressing each other. Usually it sounds in the form of diminutive nicknames. Often the fair half of humanity focuses on whether the chosen one calls her by name or not, which is the basis for the problem.
Careful communication is important in relationships
Cats, bunnies and other animals
“Cat”, “bunny”, “fish”, “swallow” - all these nicknames come from childhood, from cartoons and children’s fairy tales about animals. A man affectionately called a “bear cub” can personify that same teddy bear from childhood, once given by his parents and becoming a “transitional object.” This term refers to an object that creates a feeling of psychological comfort in a child in a stressful or unusual situation and relieves the stress of parting with his mother.
In adult life, we also need someone next to whom we feel calm, protected and confident. And such cute nicknames help to unconsciously return to the atmosphere of early childhood. They symbolize the unconditional love that a mother feels for her child, and we, in our adult present, for our partner.
What's in a name?
By the way a man addresses a woman alone or in public, one can diagnose his true feelings for her and predict the future of the couple. A woman’s friends may become envious when they hear that their beloved man calls her nothing more than kitten, star, swallow. Experts rush to reassure envious people: this is not always good. Affectionate names may hide a man’s internal contradictions:
Childhood trauma. A man unconsciously avoids using a woman’s name because he associates it with a negative experience. Perhaps this was his first tragic love, and this name still “hurts” him, or that was the name of the blood offender from childhood, and then he considered her name the most vile in the world. Childhood experiences leave deep hidden wounds that take a lifetime to heal. Perhaps the man has long forgotten the unpleasant story of past years, but the name associated with it is still stuck in his throat.
Difficulty remembering. In the practice of psychologists, there are cases where men forgot or confused the name of their wife, with whom they lived for several years. Experts have explanations for this, and, like many psychological problems, such “amnesia” is treated. Sometimes a man does not call his woman by her passport name, because it is so difficult to pronounce that you can make five mistakes in it, even reading it from a piece of paper. Here, willy-nilly, some Eupraxia or Iphigenia will be called exclusively by affectionately fluffy nicknames.
An inconvenient or unpleasant name. Names, like any words, can caress the ear, or they can “cut it” with their absurdity or absurdity. That’s why it happens that it’s awkward to pronounce a person’s name. When pronouncing it, it can be terribly awkward for the parents who thought of calling the child that. So the person is trying to smooth out the situation with affectionate nicknames. Of course, today it is rare to find female names such as Priska or Epistimya, which were so popular during the times of “Tsar Pea” (it’s scary to imagine how girls were called by their peers), but the more commonly used Evlampia in the mouth of a man can easily turn into “light bulb” or “honey.”
Defense mechanisms. When the human psyche doesn’t like something, it turns on defense mechanisms to preserve a person’s mental health. Most often this manifests itself in relationships. The male psyche is very vulnerable, and, if something goes wrong, it builds barriers. Sometimes psychological defense is triggered by pronouncing the name of a close woman. A man may make up a woman's name to keep his distance. This way he is able to control the situation, while calling him by name brings him closer spiritually and obliges him. And for some men, this is more dangerous than being targeted.
What does a guy call and what does it mean?
Does your man often call you bunny or kitty? Or maybe just sweet or dear? Have you ever wondered what this means?
Psychologists advise you to listen to the nickname that your loved one gives you, in this way he unconsciously expresses his attitude towards you. After all, every nickname contains very interesting and useful information.
Affectionate nicknames
Sunshine, berry, doll, sweet, candy, honey. Such nicknames are mainly found in the initial stages of a relationship. They show that a man is attracted to you and has boundless tenderness. Falling in love and passion dominates your relationship now. Enjoy the candy-bouquet period.
Animal nicknames
Kitten, tiger cub, elephant calf, squirrel. These messages show that your chosen one has a playful and tender attitude towards you. He is ready to take care of you and give you his warmth and affection.
Standard nicknames
Beloved, sweet, dear, dear. This is how men usually call those in whom they are confident and whom they want to call their wife. They take responsibility for you and are ready to be with you under any circumstances.
What does your nickname mean?
In order to finally understand your partner’s feelings, let’s take a closer look at the following examples of nicknames:
Pay attention to what your lover calls you. Interpret his words and message correctly. Thus, you will begin to better understand how your partner is feeling at the moment, you will be able to significantly improve your relationship and direct it in the direction you need.
Romantic and pretentious nicknames
“My life”, “my love”, “the pearl of my heart” and similar nicknames are an indicator of your partner’s insincerity. Most likely, he just loves to say beautiful words and shower his partner with compliments. But words can remain just words, and when the time comes to act, such a romantic will simply leave the stage.
Of course, you should remember that everything depends on the situation, and if we are not talking about the candy-bouquet period, but about an already established relationship, then the phrase “the light of my eyes” said with irony is rather a request for attention from the partner.
Why do men call by name?
Predictions say that the partner has serious intentions, the result of which will be entering into a legal relationship with the chosen one. However, it may also be a matter of ordinary habit, as well as the upbringing of an individual. If a man was raised by parents with a special family structure, the person may not have a living example of affectionate addresses or diminutive nicknames. Moreover, there are families in which discipline is stronger than subordination in the office, when people address each other formally, even as “you.”
Beloved/beloved, dear/darling
You can also add the following to the list: “dear / dear”, “my good / my good”. All these addresses can be called quite formal and banal, and they indicate the same formal attitude towards you (in the event that your partner calls you that all the time). It’s just that your companion or companion calls you words that, as it seems to them, are customary to express tender feelings.
If a man doesn't say the woman's name
There are a number of reasons that describe a man’s reluctance to call his partner by her name:
- Manipulator, owner. These qualities are invisible at the beginning of an emerging relationship, but over time, a woman who responded to “darling,” “kitten,” “baby” will understand that they call her by name only when there is an unpleasant conversation ahead, and it will sound rude;
- Also, at the beginning of a relationship, many men are convinced that affectionate nicknames are a more suitable option for building strong relationships;
- On the other hand, this is the fact that the partner does not want or is not ready to move to a new stage of the relationship, to get closer, to turn a simple affair into a serious union;
- It also happens that a man subconsciously understands that the relationship that has begun is short-lived, which is why he deliberately “keeps his distance”;
A man keeps his partner at a distance
- An unpleasant option, but there is a possibility that the man is an ordinary womanizer who has several existing relationships, so he does not bother to remember the name of his partner, so as not to get confused;
- Probably the man doesn’t like the “melody” of the woman’s name, maybe he can’t pronounce it;
- One cannot do without associations in the form of former girlfriends or unpleasant namesake acquaintances, which a man cannot call his beloved, so he calls her “dear”, “dear”, etc.
Note! The reasons described above are just assumptions, so before you attribute tyranny or frivolity to your partner, you need to ask why he does not call the woman by name. It happens that he does not see the problem, and the fact that the girl is offended sincerely surprises him.
In what cases can you be called by your middle name?
A masculine act, when even in correspondence a guy addresses his partner not “Marina”, but “Sunny” or replaces nicknames with pronouns, we will correct it. If a young man does not call a girl by name, psychology suggests the following:
You can laugh at nicknames
Calling each other by last name, first name and patronymic is rather a comic phenomenon that does not have a mocking connotation. Although even this can “stick” stronger than “kitty” and “dove”.
Address by last name or patronymic
Calling by last name or patronymic/first name speaks of a need (not always realized) to distance oneself from a partner. In a couple, the relationship is more formal and official than close. In this case, it is difficult to talk about the spiritual closeness of partners: such treatment is primarily an indicator of respect, not love and tenderness.
However, if, for example, a wife sometimes calls her husband by his first name and patronymic in the presence of third parties, this may indicate her desire to emphasize his social status. It also says that she is proud of her husband and his position in society.
Netizens' responses
Ri Point™
What's wrong with that? I know many families where they jokingly call each other by last name, and some just mommy, daddy, if there are children.. I don’t see a problem with this….
OH
Yes, there’s nothing wrong with that... it’s just that our maiden name is different... and when you get married, you have the choice of leaving it or changing it to your husband’s last name... and men are sometimes very principled in this matter... and if the maiden name is also more euphonious, then they also get angry... but they say that this is a good omen - the husband will live long... and there is one more reason... by calling her husband by his last name, the wife emphasizes that she is, of course, married, but her father’s blood... that is, her father’s character :)
Titanium
Addressing the children's father, the head of the family, by last name always sounded like a slur in our family. And she showed and paid attention to those actions of her father that her mother did not approve of.
Ksenka
I often call my husband by his last name. We have different surnames, my surname is my own skin, I didn’t want to rip it off :) his surname is pleasant to the ear for me personally, and since I’m curious, I also found out what it means. this is the first thing. and secondly, I don’t really like the masculine name that my parents called my husband, although my dad and my father-in-law are called the same as my husband, but I like it as a middle name, but not as a first name.
Berkana
Well, my husband and I sometimes call each other that; it’s more of a joke than a sign of disrespect for our spouse.
Stella_Chirkova
In my opinion, exactly how the wife calls her husband with his consent and approval does not indicate anything other than the personal preferences of this couple.
yummy
I don’t see anything embarrassing in this, it’s rather strange to call your husband a fool or an idiot, this is alarming, and I hear this much more often among
those around. Somehow, before I went to work after maternity leave, I got into the habit of going to my husband’s work, “like to remember a little how to work. He is my director there, but no one knew me or had ever seen me before, so at first I called him there by his patronymic name just like that, so the staff thought that I was a new employee. Now I was already laughing to myself, but when they found out that I was a wife, I began to behave differently... Here is your middle name.
kareliya
It’s just that when a wife calls her husband by his last name, it looks as if she wants to emphasize that he is from a different family, like a stranger, but the husband and wife should already be a single family and both now have the same last name (most often). Sometimes I don’t even understand who the girl is talking about, “Ivanchenko will return from a business trip today,” but it turns out that it’s about her husband or her boyfriend. And by the way, in educational institutions teachers are advised to address students by their first name, and not by their surname. Remember how unpleasant it was at school if your classmates addressed you by your last name, they always said “I have a name!”
maks_shatov
I don’t like the last name either, there’s some connotation of command or something. Like: hey, you, Petrov...
thunderozzz
Well, familiarity is one of the signs of friendly relationships. I don't see anything wrong.
