Like any negative emotion, guilt causes great discomfort. It creates clamps in the body and this interferes with normal blood circulation. This is how diseases of internal organs and systems can appear. Any negative emotion that gnaws at a person must be eliminated. This is important for physical health and psychological comfort.
What is guilt: definition in psychology
First, let's understand the terminology. Psychology characterizes guilt as deep regrets about what one has done due to the negative consequences for oneself and others. It is inherent in everyone. Only people with mental disorders may not experience it at all.
It is normal for a person to feel guilty about his actions for a short time. Regrets lead to the thought: “We need to fix this as much as possible.” At this point the emotion begins to fade. Feelings switch to correcting mistakes and compensating for damage. But if guilt gnaws at you 24 hours a day and doesn’t give you peace, psychology recognizes such a feeling of guilt as pathological.
Causes of feelings of guilt
A painful feeling of guilt often occurs in people who find themselves in a difficult situation. For example, a person who survived an accident may feel guilty towards the deceased. And this is a distorted, wrong emotion, because such things happen by chance, they cannot be controlled.
A similar situation will occur with a child who has been taught to feel guilty before his parents. For example, a single mother who shows her son that she did not marry because of him will instill in the child a huge inferiority complex. The child will grow up and move away from his mother, because he will subconsciously feel shame in front of her. And this feeling does not contribute to rapprochement. Only if the mother does not manipulate it to control his life. Then another painful extreme arises: unjustified attachment, which should have outlived itself when the child was 5 years old.
The reason could be any other situation, there are thousands of examples.
Mechanism of occurrence
Let's look at a simple example. A child is constantly scolded as a child. Parents try to be strict or show intemperance towards their young son. He realizes that they stop scolding him when he starts to apologize. This is embedded in the fundamental ideas of the child, in his psyche. And then comes the distortion. The boy begins to perceive the imposed feeling of guilt as a way to get away from difficulties, as something that saves him and protects him. This mechanism will be activated constantly, in any situations, even those that do not require this emotion. The child will grow up and will constantly blame himself for all sins. This gives rise to self-doubt and complexes.
Change your priorities and stop putting your interests above all else
Foxy Dolphin
- This advice is exactly the opposite of the previous one. But this does not mean that you should suffer from contradictions. The purpose of these tips is to relieve YOU of guilt. We do not undertake to discuss the moral side.
And if the feeling of guilt leaves you when you put your interests above the interests of others, then this method is more acceptable for you. If altruism saves you, go for it. It's up to you to decide.
Nobody is saying that looking out for your own interests is bad. There is nothing shameful in this, unless this line of behavior turns into your only position in life
. And this is a completely justified position if, in fact, you have no one else to care about. But what to do if things are different?
What to do if your feeling of guilt is caused precisely by the fact that you devote too much time to yourself, while such behavior turns into trouble for your loved ones?
Then you face a difficult, but necessary (and, most importantly, not impossible!) task - you need to change your life priorities. We will not now analyze the reasons why you did not do this earlier
. But the sooner you understand and feel that taking care of other people (especially if we are talking about your loved ones) is not only necessary, but also capable of bringing satisfaction, the better for you.
Guilt complex in psychology
A child’s guilt complex is expressed in his inability to live normally and feel happy. This feeling is constantly present in his life, bringing negativity into it. It is very important to recognize the complex and begin to eliminate it.
In psychology, strict upbringing is often recognized as the cause of guilt in men and women. Parents use a reward system, instill in the child that he is obliged to meet their expectations. Such individuals do not live their own lives: the complex pushes them to constantly try to please their parents’ will. Children do not go where they want, but where their parents say. Guilt haunts them throughout life. They always feel like they are not good enough at what they do.
Another reason for a guilt complex lies in insecurity. A person becomes withdrawn and takes personally all the mistakes and failures that happen to him in life.
How is pathological feeling expressed?
Here are some signs that a person has developed this complex.
- excessive touchiness;
- tendency to self-flagellation;
- lack of self-confidence;
- giving up prospects and aspirations;
- desire to punish oneself, a person does not love himself;
- the desire to be led;
These signs indicate that the complex is fundamentally embedded in the individual. In most cases, this happens in childhood.
It is worth noting that the feeling of guilt is closely related to psychosomatics. Sometimes a person experiences a number of unpleasant symptoms:
- frequent colds;
- disturbances in the functioning of the heart and blood vessels;
- problems with the musculoskeletal system;
- frequent injuries.
In especially severe cases, self-harm and auto-aggression (conscious or unconscious self-harm) occur.
Don't let others make you feel guilty
The only person who can control you in this life is yourself. Unfortunately, we often forget about this, allowing ourselves to fall under the manipulative actions of the people around us.
. We are manipulated by friends, our life and business partners, parents, bosses, children. The hardest thing is when you find yourself in the center of such a manipulative web that surrounds you from all sides at once.
Recognizing such manipulation can sometimes be very difficult. But even if you managed to figure out your opponent, it is even more difficult to get out of his influence. The main thing in this matter is not to make a mistake
who exactly is manipulating you. Don't rush to ruin your relationship with your boss or partner by deliberately aggravating the situation. Take a break, give yourself a break, think about everything in a calm environment; If necessary, apologize.
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It's not about whether you're right or wrong! Of course, we often make mistakes, and therefore accusations from those around us can be absolutely justified. But our task is to save you from feeling guilty.
. So try to become the only person who has the right to blame himself for his own mistakes.
How to get rid of guilt
The basis of almost any complex is fear. Guilt is also anger. The degree of development of the complex, the reaction to it, and the consequences depend on the concentration of fear and anger in the cocktail of human emotions. Anger comes from judgment.
Fear is the basis. A person is always afraid of something:
- lose the respect and approval of others;
- lose a relationship, a loved one;
- lose self-respect.
All this forces us to go to the roots of the problem. You need to understand yourself, imagine the most undesirable outcome of events. Most likely, nothing bad will happen. You will receive the disapproval of someone very important. So what?
How to deal with feelings of guilt? Understand simple truths:
- You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations.
- You are a complete person, a separate unit.
- Relatives should not control you. You may be a completely different person.
- Love is not built on meeting expectations. This is already manipulation using feelings. You must be loved for who you are, because you will not be anyone else. People are born with a ready-made set of personality traits. Education makes only a small contribution. “The aspen tree will not produce oranges.” "An apple from an apple tree."
And further. You don't owe anyone anything. Don't exaggerate your sense of duty. Everyone has their own frames and ideas.
Useful materials on the topic
I have prepared a selection of several courses that will help you get rid of guilt and other negative experiences.
Brain fitness
Description. A very unusual course on getting rid of negativity. It's not cheap, but the price is worth it. By purchasing a course, you first of all receive theoretical material, tests and exercises to work with any negative thoughts. After 1-2 weeks, you receive a device by mail for more effective development of the program - a neural interface.
If you look at the guy in the picture, you will just see the neural interface on his head. This little machine analyzes the waves your brain constantly emits. Naturally, depending on the emotions you experience, these waves will be different. From the neural interface, bluetooth information can be uploaded to your personal Wikium account, where it will be analyzed, after which you will receive specific recommendations on how to get out of an oppressive state.
I have never seen such programs on the Internet before. Wikium experts recommend using the neural interface for only 15 minutes a day, although you can do this more often, especially to see the amplitudes of fluctuations in different emotional states.
Authors: practicing psychologists from Wikium.
Cost: 17,990 rub.
Start studying
Brain Detoxification
Description. This is a cheap training course that will help you quickly remove all negativity from your head and start living a full life. There are ten lessons with theory, but they are accompanied by many exercises, techniques, tests, tables and diagrams.
Of course, not only guilt is analyzed, but also other emotional experiences. Remember, have you ever had a time when an unpleasant situation or memory just wouldn’t leave your head - you constantly replayed thoughts and images in your mind that oppressed you, and you felt more and more depressed? It is these conditions that an expert teacher will help you get out of. No pills or other medications.
Authors: Victor Shiryaev.
Cost: 990 rub.
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Emotional intellect
Description. We need emotional intelligence not only to better understand the emotions of others and communicate more effectively with them. It also helps to control our own emotions and not give them the opportunity to take over our mind.
There are twenty lessons in this course, they are accompanied by tests, exercises and many, many simulators. According to the teacher, every student who undergoes training here gains a sense of calm, self-confidence, and can easily stop any negative experiences. After completing the first ten lessons, you will notice that you begin to concentrate better on the tasks at hand and fall asleep calmly at night.
Author: Oleg Kalinichev.
Cost: 990 rub.
Start studying
Be sure to check out the free materials that Wikium offers. First of all, webinars. They are held weekly and the topics change periodically. Most often, the topic of the webinar is the human brain, its secrets and features of work. There are also purely psychological topics - on communication, emotions, interaction with other people.
The second interesting thing is free exercise equipment. There are one hundred of them, they are divided into groups according to the skills they develop. Most simulators are aimed at memory and thinking, but there are, for example, an emotional intelligence simulator and other programs on psychological topics. There is no need to pay for anything.
Mental self-regulation from 4Brain
Description . Another high-quality material that will help you calm down and start living a full life, despite the stress and negativity around you. You will undergo training for 5 weeks, the total number of lessons here is 25, the duration of one lesson is only 20-30 minutes.
The authors try to give as little theoretical information as possible and focus on practice. You will practice your skills through games, exercises, and tests. The course contains the most popular and modern techniques from domestic and foreign sources.
You can study from a tablet computer or phone, because the 4Brain interface is well optimized for mobile devices. The summary of materials with test results remains with you after complete completion of the training.
The course is not suitable for those who have been experiencing very deep depression for several months or years. To get out of it, it is better to contact a professional psychotherapist.
Authors : Alena Luneva, Dmitry Radin, Evgeny Buyanov, Kirill Nogales.
Cost : 1,990 rub.
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Guilt: Gestalt psychology
Pathology is often based on an unfinished gestalt. In psychology, this means that a person experiences a strong feeling of guilt due to the inability to return to the past and correct the situation.
Remorse can be so powerful that a person simply cannot cope with it on his own. The person is aware of the problem and strives to eliminate it. To do this, you will need the help of a psychotherapist or productive work on yourself.
Method of public repentance
How to deal with guilt in this way? Psychology offers a method of public repentance. A person is ashamed of his actions and keeps problems to himself. It is necessary to select a group of people to whom you can tell about them. The fear of condemnation will be overcome. Instead of condemnation, a person will receive sympathy and understanding. This is how they work in groups during psychological sessions. You can tell your friends who can listen and understand.
It is very important to talk about the problem. Fear, which serves as the foundation of feeling, will be destroyed.
Working with introjects
How to remove guilt? Let's master a psychological technique that allows us to get rid of false attitudes that we accepted and internalized in childhood.
Write down on a piece of paper all the requirements that you place on yourself.
- I owe others;
- I have to;
- morality and duty oblige me;
All thoughts that you think are true regarding these points need to be written down and rethought.
If you write: “Must study well” or “Must earn well,” then no, you shouldn’t. School performance evaluation has nothing to do with you personally. This is an assessment of how much you have mastered the material, taking into account specific life circumstances. Earnings are also not at all an indicator of human nature. Many famous people: politicians, inventors, actors once started working as a pizza delivery boy. Such things should not affect an individual’s self-esteem or make him feel guilty. All this is temporary and can change at any moment. Saving a drowning person is the work of the drowning person himself. All in your hands.
“I should be slim” is a common female attitude. Constant feeling of guilt before everyone: “I owe them.” No, you shouldn't. A woman doesn't owe anyone anything. A woman can look the way she feels comfortable. A man who forces a woman to conform to his ideas of beauty is stupid, short-sighted, unfair, and selfish. It's not a good idea to spend your whole life wondering whether you will be loved if you gain weight. A woman should not feel guilty for not meeting someone's expectations.
Put your interests above other people's interests
You are the only person in the whole world who can take care of yourself better and more sincerely than everyone else. And if this line of behavior makes you feel guilty
, draw the following analogy: you are rescuing people who are stuck in water, somewhere at a depth. You have only one oxygen mask. What will you do?
You can, of course, give the opportunity to breathe first to those who need salvation. But who will feel better if you go down on your own, depriving yourself of a saving breath of air
? You will not save others, and you will destroy yourself. This advice looks very selfish, but... However, there is no “but” - it is what it is.
How to get rid of guilt: simple psychological techniques
How to overcome feelings of guilt on your own? Psychology has the answers. These techniques are suitable for independent practice.
To apologize
How to overcome feelings of guilt? If you are guilty of someone, talk to that person and ask for forgiveness. Tell me how you are suffering. Perhaps you will find understanding and sympathy. And if not, you did what was in your power. Your job is to admit your mistake and ask for forgiveness. And what the recipient of the apology should do with this is already the responsibility of his conscience.
All people make mistakes. Life is given to us without instructions. Forgive yourself for being only human.
Imaginary moral judgment
How to overcome feelings of guilt? When you are mentally judging yourself, don't forget to give your line of defense the floor. Otherwise it's unfair. Yes, you are to blame. But you must defend yourself. Give arguments, explain your action. Perhaps the prosecution will lose if the defense works. The verdict can always be appealed.
Confrontation with the Accuser
When another person accuses you, defend yourself. Not all situations are clear cut. To stop the accuser from punishing you with words, immediately apologize. This will disarm the enemy. Then tell your point of view. Say you understand the person. Such confrontation is better than empty accusations and shouting. The main thing is that you do not reproach yourself. This feeling is not helpful. Don't let others use this technique for manipulation.
Become your own friend and learn to forgive yourself
Learn to look at yourself from the outside, as if abstracting from your own personality. This is very useful so that when you see your mistakes, you learn to forgive yourself. Imagine that you are not you, but your very good friend
(it is not necessary to represent a specific existing friend) who wishes only the best for you. Will your imaginary friend judge you for your mistakes?
Another good way is to imagine that the mistakes you made were made by a real friend whom you value and respect.
. Would you like to experience the same pangs of guilt that he experiences? Are you ready to take on his experiences, or is this too much for you?
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The truth is that when it comes to guilt, we treat ourselves harsher than we would expect from those around us. In other words, we give the other person more room to make a mistake.
than to yourself. Perhaps the time has come to become your own friend, forgiving some of the weaknesses that you are ready to forgive your friends?
After all, situations often arise when we have done everything possible and impossible, but have not achieved success. And the feeling of guilt does not go away... This means that it is time to forgive yourself, as if you had forgiven your friend
. Of course, it will be much easier to do this if you begin to take positive steps towards correcting the situation - asking for forgiveness from those you offended; pay more attention to loved ones; start setting your priorities correctly.
