- November 3, 2018
- Psychology of relationships
- Valentina Zabrodina
The forbidden topic of a love relationship with an unfree man has always aroused interest on the part of the fair half of humanity. Some women openly condemn those who enter into such relationships, others do not see anything wrong with this and are not averse to experiencing all the delights of adultery. Be that as it may, a lover is a part of the modern life of many women.
Reasons for a married woman to have a lover
In the first place among the reasons for the appearance of lovers among married women is dissatisfaction with intimate relationships in marriage. It often happens that the relationship in a couple is harmonious, it has stood the test of time and suits both partners. The only problem is the difference in temperaments.
The frequency and intensity of sexual contacts in the family is determined by the man. If he is satisfied with once a month, then he will not do it more often. The wife’s attempts to force him (to persuade him, threaten him with leaving, etc.) will lead to increased tension within the couple, and even to the breakup of the marriage. The woman does not want to do this, so for her a lover is an opportunity to get the missing satisfaction outside of the marital relationship.
Does a lover save a marriage?
Oddly enough, in the case when a married woman is aware that this relationship is being built for a specific purpose, when she does not traumatize her legal spouse by admitting adultery and takes precautions to keep adultery a secret, then the lover - This is a panacea for minor troubles in family life.
This is explained simply: there is dissatisfaction in marriage, and a relationship with a lover helps to get rid of it.
Behavior of married lovers if they want to break up with their mistress
How married lovers who are planning to separate behave:
- Even in ideal relationships, there comes a period of misunderstandings and crises. Over time, a woman and a man may get tired of each other, the desire to be interested in the opinion and desires of their partner disappears, everyone tries to prove only that they are right. More and more often, rude and offensive words and disrespect in general slip through. If you notice that your man is trying to make a big quarrel out of every little thing, with clarifications, insults, then this is a reason to think. Is there any point in continuing meetings? As a rule, they last as long as a woman has the strength and desire to justify bad treatment towards her, to endure scandals and humiliation.
- Do you notice rudeness from your lover? Perhaps he has stopped showing interest in you and is not trying to develop a relationship with you? He may not call you for several days, has stopped courting you beautifully, does not give gifts, is not interested in your desires and problems. Think about why you need this relationship, what benefit does it bring you? All these actions on his part are aimed at separation. Think about what you need and want.
- We can say that a period of indifference and selfishness on the part of your lover is coming. He may allow himself to criticize you, condemn your actions, laugh at your plans and dreams. A man does everything to lower your self-esteem and make you vulnerable and insecure. The main thing is to see this in time and immediately get out of this relationship. Don't forget, every woman deserves care, love and understanding from her partner.
Lover in the life of an unmarried girl
Young girls often enter into relationships with unfree men. Sometimes a girl in love does not notice the constant absence of a man, and perceives his excuses about constant employment as a completely normal phenomenon for an adult. In fact, it often turns out that he is married, and as a result, his heart is broken.
For other girls, a lover is a way to enter into a forbidden relationship, feel desired and experience new sensations in their intimate life. Sometimes the experience of such relationships gives a young lady who is not yet thinking about marriage an idea of why husbands cheat on their wives. Many young girls, having once entered into such a relationship, form their own opinions about the causes of tension in marriage and learn from the mistakes of others. After this, they leave their married partner and begin to look for a husband, with whom they will try to make the relationship healthy and harmonious from the very beginning.
In this case, a lover is a way of experiencing life, especially the complex world of interpersonal relationships.
Why do men have affairs on the side?
The main reason for male infidelity is not a lack of sex, but a lack of respect for the husband and father in one’s own family. He doesn’t want to change anything, because the division of property and scandals with his wife and relatives will exhaust him and knock him out of his usual rut, or even leave him completely without funds. At the same time, he cannot help but take into account the existing problems in relationships within the family, and a mistress (especially a young and attractive one) gives him a way to compensate for what he is missing in life.
Mutually beneficial agreement
Who are lovers? This concept also applies to people who are married to their spouses. We are talking about a kind of transaction between two adults, accomplished people who meet to enjoy each other without compromising their own families. Such relationships can last for years, sometimes people meet in their youth, and then become lovers and can maintain such a relationship for the rest of their lives.
According to Wikipedia, a lover is a man who has an intimate relationship with someone, but is not married to that person. Without going into lengthy discussions about the immorality of adultery as such, we note that such a relationship can be built on a trusting relationship when two people respect and truly love each other, but for some reason they are unhappy in their marriage. In this case, relationships on the side help not only to get sexual release, but also to find a friend who can support you in difficult times.
Strive for variety
Sex is killed by monotony and monotony. Remember the first months of your life together - the sex was mind-blowing. And not because you mastered the poses from page one hundred and fifth of the Kama Sutra. It's all about newness. The human brain needs fresh impressions, new experiences and stimuli. The honeymoon is a time when the brain floods the body with dopamine. Unfortunately, the brain quickly gets used to everything new.
Boredom sets in too quickly, and what yesterday you both were delighted with causes you to yawn today.
Good sex needs variety. New positions, caresses, techniques, toys and devices - study the topography of your own bodies and stimulate your brain with new experiences.
Financial component
There is a category of women who do not want to enter into legal marriage. This can happen for various reasons, the first of which is the lack of need to provide a man with a living, to correspond to his ideas about an ideal wife. Many wealthy men are demanding of their other half, as well as what their home should be like, and how their wife should build relationships within the family and with relatives.
A legal wife has many responsibilities that a mistress is unlikely to cope with. But on the other hand, she is often younger and more beautiful, with her a man can appear to his friends, she reflects his high social status and confirms his wealth in an intimate sense.
If a woman understands that this relationship is not forever, and if she receives valuable gifts, a prestigious position, property or an expensive car from her patron, then her position can hardly be called disadvantageous. Children born to mistresses often receive their father's surname, as well as property rights.
Lilya Brik and Vladimir Mayakovsky6
If we consider lovers and mistresses known in history, then this couple will definitely take first place in popularity. He dedicated poems to her, admired her, and she was the wife of Osip Brik. It is she who will be cursed and considered guilty of the poet’s suicide.
Lilya Brik and Vladimir Mayakovsky
What is noteworthy is that Lilya was not a fatal beauty. Her appearance is ordinary, without spark or anything outstanding. She was very educated and married early. It was she who opened a salon for creative people in Petrograd.
They played music, played cards, and argued about political topics. In short, we talked and had a great time. In 1915 she met Mayakovsky. Despite the fact that she did not divorce Brick, it was at this time that their union ceased to exist. According to Lily, Osip has always been a reliable friend and comrade for her.
Vladimir was not hiding. Osip Brik published his poem “A Cloud in Pants,” which was directly dedicated to Lila. He knew everything, but was silent. It was she who had the greatest influence on Mayakovsky. He stopped dressing pretentiously and flamboyantly. He acquired a cane, a coat, a hat and began to resemble a “London dandy.”
Lilya was the main inspiration, the muse, he dedicated poems and poems to her. He was jealous of her past, of her wedding night with Osip, behaving like a teenager, Mayakovsky poured it all into creativity.
Surprisingly, already in 1918 the three of them lived - Lilya, Vladimir, Osip. Such an alliance was not unique. Lilya was engaged in promoting the works of futurists, looking for publishing houses in Latvia that were ready to publish them.
The crisis came in 1922. She suggested breaking up for two months. Vladimir went crazy, bombarded her with letters, kept watch under the windows. The reunion was perceived as manna from heaven. The three of them traveled a lot.
Lilya Brik
Mayakovsky was ready for anything. He even bought Lila a car, and during the USSR she was the only woman who sat behind the wheel.
In 1925, the sexual side of the relationship between Lilya and Vladimir ceased. In 1930, Mayakovskaya's life was darkened. The woman I loved left with her husband for Europe; creativity was not going well. He committed suicide in the presence of his new lover, Polonskaya, who had just left the room when a shot was heard.
Lilya was very upset about Vladimir's death. Some considered her to be guilty that she abandoned him, did not support him, and did not give him the opportunity to realize himself. Later she divorced Osip, got married and became a fighter against the regime, welcoming new poets and writers to the salon.
Did Lilya Brik do the right thing? Everyone will answer this question themselves.
When the feelings have faded
When breaking up a relationship, it is important to maintain, if not friendship, then at least respect for each other. Former lovers often poison their partners’ lives with constant calls, stories about their past feelings to mutual acquaintances and even their legal spouses.
The hardest thing to experience a breakup are partners whose feelings were rejected. In such a situation, it is important to respect the other party’s decision to terminate the agreement, which, in essence, is a relationship between two adults. The pain of separation can be severe, but you should not stoop to calling his wife (and especially his children).
When entering into a relationship with a married man, a girl must understand that in 90% of cases these relationships are temporary. Unlike men who are more practical in this regard, the fair sex often creates illusions about living together. Such thoughts are caused by constant complaints from lovers about problems in their relationship with their wife. In fact, most often in this way he pours out his soul and returns to the bosom of the family.
A woman wants a long, stable relationship, that’s how she is made. Married men are ready to surround her with attention, but they are not ready to give her a future together. That is why every girl, before deciding on adultery, should weigh all the pros and cons and get rid of empty illusions in advance.
Prospects for the development of relations
Plunging headlong into romance, married lovers and married mistresses do not at first think about the prospect of developing their relationship. If partners manage to keep the relationship secret, then the romance can last for years. Gradually, the passion disappears, and lovers continue to meet by inertia until one of the partners wants to leave, or both come to such a decision.
It happens that one of the lovers may get too carried away, and for him the end of the affair will be a blow. It’s even worse when one begins to experience real feelings for the other or lives with illusions about far-fetched love. Then the partner may simply not let go of his lover or mistress.
