A lover is jealous of her husband: why this happens and how to correct the situation

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Love is multifaceted, sometimes it breaks out between those who have already tied the knot with other people. Their relationship develops differently. Often a married man is jealous of his mistress of her husband or other men. This state of affairs makes life worse for many people. By giving in to emotions, they can make the situation even worse. If you can’t figure out the problem on your own, then a fresh look from the outside is needed; a good solution would be to contact a psychologist on at least one side of the conflict.

Types and characteristics of jealousy

Speaking about a situation in which a lover is jealous of her husband and other men, we can distinguish two types of jealousy:

1. Suspicion and fear of the opponent.
2. Envy of the feelings you experience with another man.

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But if a married lover is jealous of his free lover, then the following types of jealousy can be distinguished:

1. A sense of ownership. Such jealousy is observed in men who are vain and stubborn. They behave selfishly. The young man believes that his mistress is property that he disposes of. A flash of jealousy against the background of a sense of possessiveness appears even due to minor deviations in the girl’s behavior from the framework that he decided to establish. For example, she sits on the phone for a long time, which means she is texting with another man, or she smiled wrongly at the waiter - they know each other and there is something between them.
2. Diffidence. If a lover believes that he does not have enough money or is not as handsome and sexy as other men, then he will be jealous. An inadequate reaction in such a person is caused by the fear that he may be rejected at any moment. On the same basis, jealousy in a lover arises when a woman occupies a higher position in society.
3. Projection onto yourself. The lover got himself a girlfriend secretly from his wife. He is a traitor. Equating others with himself, he begins to suspect those around him of treason. When communicating with his mistress, he thinks that besides him she has someone else. Because of this, he often begins to interfere in her personal affairs.

The nature of jealousy

Many men hastily marry for many reasons, without having any special feelings for their wife; subsequently they do not appear or completely fade away, and family life continues out of habit. Suddenly a man meets a woman who becomes his mistress, their relationship may end or be renewed, but the married man is in no hurry to give it official status for various reasons:

• afraid of his wife's reaction;
• it’s more convenient for him;
• not sure about his mistress.

Often his affection for the lady who brightens up his leisure time grows stronger. He is jealous of everyone or her husband, with whom she does not want to part. The situation may seem dead end, but there is always a way out; the search for it should begin with an analysis of the causes.

Reasons for jealousy on the part of a married lover

There are many psychological aspects of jealousy. As can be seen from the description of types of jealousy, they are all based on fears and complexes.

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If you look at the situation from the outside, you can appreciate its comical nature. People deliberately start relationships on the side and cheat on their spouses. What kind of jealousy are we talking about between them? However, feelings are difficult to comprehend logically, so here it is necessary to consider the situation comprehensively.

Keep in mind that a man (like a woman) is stressed most of the time. He tries to hide the relationship from prying eyes, and in return receives short-term meetings. At the same time, he also misses you and thinks about you. However, if this connection is accompanied by fears, personal dramas, complexes, etc., then the situation turns into the man throwing out negative emotions.

Having dealt with the reasons, find out how a woman can understand that her lover is jealous. The easiest way to classify and recognize such emotions is to know the man’s temperament.

Choleric lover

Such a man is an owner. This trait was inherent in his character from the very beginning. If a lover has such a temperament, be prepared for a storm of emotions and not always positive ones.

Self-affirmation is important for a choleric person, so jealousy of a husband or other young people is something that cannot be avoided. It is important for him to be praised. If a woman allows her husband to be mentioned in a conversation, he will not miss the moment to “prick” with a word.

When a choleric lover is jealous of her husband, the signs are easy to notice:

1. He becomes furious when his mistress mentions other men. In the understanding of such a guy, a woman should condemn her husband, talk about how bad he is, etc.
2. He often fantasizes about how good they would be together if they were officially married. If a choleric person uses beautiful stories, do not flatter yourself. He's showing off.
3. He demands praise. If a guy begins to focus on the fact that he is better than other men, it means he is jealous of his mistress.

Please note that even if the relationship with a man moves to the official level, he will not forget that you were in the role of a mistress, will reproach you for this and will continue to be jealous, thinking that you will leave him for someone else. This will happen due to the fear of ending up on the other side of the situation as a cuckold.

Sanguine lover

This man is not jealous on display. He experiences a destructive feeling within himself, but sometimes he cannot hide it. To understand how a sanguine person behaves in a fit of jealousy, just remember the Soviet film “The Irony of Fate.” The main character, Evgeny Lukashin, when he noticed a photograph of Ippolit, began to hide it in a book and then threw it out the window. He did this for one purpose - not to see the person he was jealous of.

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A typical sanguine person behaves in a similar way in life. He will avoid even fleeting conversations about his mistress's husband. A jealous sanguine person is identified by the following signs:

1. She hides her face and bites her lips when talking about her mistress’s husband.
2. He begins to talk more about his own victories in order to disguise the main defeat - the fact that he is not an official lover.
3. Such a man does not deny the fact of jealousy if asked directly about it. He will not describe his feelings colorfully, but will succinctly express dissatisfaction.

If a sanguine lover is married, he will never tell a woman about his own family. He understands how strange and unpleasant it will sound. But it’s also unpleasant for him to hear about his husband. In order not to provoke feelings of jealousy on the part of the sanguine person, simply imagine with him that you are free people and behave accordingly.

Melancholic Lover

When a melancholic lover is jealous of his husband, he is not much different from a typical choleric person. He is sincerely unpleasant that a woman spends more time with her family and legal spouse. Because of this, he becomes depressed. Distinctive signs of melancholic jealousy:

1. He openly tells his mistress that he envies her husband.
2. The melancholic man forcibly holds his beloved near him so that she can stay with him longer.
3. He constantly compliments a woman (even when it is inappropriate).
4. He begins to control the life of his mistress.

The behavior of a jealous melancholic person resembles the habits of a maniac. A romantic relationship with such a man is the most dangerous. Do you want to save your family? Try to break off this relationship as quickly as possible, otherwise there is a risk that in a fit of emotion, your lover will reveal your relationship and put it on public display. He will do this for one purpose - to prove his deep feelings.

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Phlegmatic lover

According to statistics, men of this type are least likely to have mistresses. The character of a person is so calm that acute and violent sensations are alien to him. However, if your lover is phlegmatic, keep in mind that it is difficult to recognize jealousy from his behavior.

Such a man draws conclusions silently, so don’t be surprised if he breaks off relations with you one day. This means that the day before he thought about it in advance and came to the conclusion that it would be easier for him this way.

Manifestations

Jealousy is a diverse concept; it manifests itself in different forms. Sometimes it is difficult to guess that a married man is jealous of his mistress: he may not say anything to his partner, but he himself is angry with her.

To analyze the situation from all sides, jealous people can be classified into 4 types of temperaments.

1. The choleric person is the most jealous of all. His outbursts of rage and angry cries towards his mistress leave no doubt that he is in great pain. Although there may not be facts proving that she is unfaithful to him, he is unable to restrain himself. It is better for him to know the bitter truth than to be content with rumors and guesses.
2. The sanguine person will try to find out specific facts from his mistress, but will do it carefully, so that later he will have something to present to her. He will analyze everything, maybe arrange a search of her things, surveillance in order to get to the bottom of it.
3. A melancholic person is a secretive type whose sad appearance can be replaced by a flash of anger. He may even get sick so that his mistress will take pity on him and take care of him, then this will become a kind of test of her feelings.
4. A phlegmatic person endures for a long time, and suddenly breaks through. But he does not arrange scenes of jealousy, but leaves silently, having first collected information about his partner’s infidelity.

What to do if your married lover is jealous

First of all, you need to weigh the situation and understand what caused the jealousy. Maybe the day before you specifically evoked this feeling in him? Then don't be surprised if he behaves strangely or inappropriately.

If a man goes beyond all boundaries and makes violent scandals, talk to him. Discuss the fact that your relationship is not at the level where he is able to lay claim to your fidelity. However, if you are sure that this conversation will not help, it is better not to start it. For example, such statements can provoke a choleric person into a loud conflict. Then irreversible consequences cannot be avoided.

But if the goal is to maintain a relationship with a man, relieve him of feelings of jealousy. It's worth considering how this can be done.

What to do and how to react

A jealous man is a huge headache for a woman, regardless of his status. You have to constantly make excuses, endure accusations, and convince others. People who are prone to possessiveness need to understand themselves, increase their self-esteem, achieve real success; sometimes in severe cases, consulting a psychologist will help.

How to get rid of obsessive feelings

Think about whether a lover can ruin your relationship with jealousy and destroy your legal marriage. If the answer is “yes,” then urgently use your charm and feminine wisdom.

Try to understand how your lover is doing with his self-esteem. If she is understated, instill in him a sense of dignity. It's not very difficult to do this. Inspire him to do what he loves. This will make it easier for him to realize himself in society. This will reduce the level of nervousness and jealousy.

If a married lover is jealous of a woman, but his self-esteem is all right, then you need to learn to put the question bluntly. Show that his jealousy does not cause positive emotions in you. There is no need to do this harshly, just act more coldly at such moments. Over time, he will understand that you do not like this format of communication.

Why jealousy occurs

Feelings of jealousy almost always accompany relationships between lovers. However, when entering into a relationship with a married woman, the lover knows that she is not free. And if earlier this was not an obstacle to relationships, now it becomes a reason for annoyance and manifests itself as:

• a sign of proprietary claims, because each of the representatives of the stronger half is sure that a woman should belong only to him;
• a surging male “ego” that provokes irritability. Especially if the friend does not think of leaving her husband and continues to live in marriage;
• uncertainty about the seriousness of the relationship and distrust of the partner;
• the appearance of a feeling of vulnerability: he hoped that the woman would rush into his arms and forget about everything in the world, incl. and about my husband. But this does not happen, and the growing resentment pushes to thoughts of inferiority, then to jealousy;
• fear of losing the object of affection, especially if the lover is very much in love;
• lack of confidence that arises when comparing oneself with other men. It leads to low self-esteem, which leads to jealousy.

The lover's jealousy appears mainly towards the woman's husband. He doesn't want to share love. Therefore, he cherishes the hope that he will be chosen after all. If expectations were in vain, he suffers, suffers from jealousy or becomes depressed.

Why provoke jealousy?

Sometimes a woman deliberately makes her lover jealous. This is done for one purpose - to feel important and to see that he really has feelings.

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It is important to understand that this kind of provocation is unlikely to do any good. Keep in mind that you are in a position where neither he nor you can fully claim open love. Even if there are sincere feelings between you, from a moral point of view they are illegal.

When a young man provokes a feeling, think about why he is doing this. Maybe he just wants to assert himself once again? By making someone jealous, a person deliberately plays up the situation in order to attract attention to himself.

Having learned about the reasons for the manifestation of jealousy and its types, analyze the behavior of your lover. Understand what motivates him. Based on the conclusions drawn, try to correct his behavior. However, if his jealousy threatens your reputation, try to end the relationship before it leads to problems.

Causes

There are many reasons that help to understand a man who is jealous of his mistress. He himself may not want to understand them due to laziness or lack of time, and his view may also be too subjective. Then his mistress will have to begin this difficult task, having first collected more information about him. She can seek psychological help, during which she will free herself from negative thoughts and soberly assess the situation.

There are several common causes of jealousy - possessiveness, insecurity, lack of trust, strong feelings, each of the reasons deserves separate consideration.

Possessiveness

Most men are hunters who, having captured their prey, do not want to part with it. In the case of a romantic relationship outside of marriage, a person received twice as much: a legal wife, with whom it is beneficial for him to be for some reason, and a mistress, who is often younger and more beautiful than his wife; he needs her for pleasure. He is afraid of losing them, but he is in no hurry to change anything to eliminate such fear. He is happy with everything until he realizes that someone else might like the woman next to him. She may be legally married, but her lover still believes that she belongs to him undividedly.

Uncertainty

With jealousy, a married person often shows uncertainty about certain things:

• his appearance, he does not believe that his mistress chose him because of his attractiveness;
• love abilities;
• position in society, he is convinced that he is appreciated by all the women with whom he communicates;
• his ability to keep the lady near him, he is afraid that she will prefer him to a more promising one;
• his future, which he imagines vaguely, and masks fear with jealousy;
• partner, he does not understand why she spends time with him - interest, love, benefit.

Lack of trust

A strong passion for a mistress is not yet a guarantee of her reciprocal feelings. A man who decides to cheat constantly doubts them. He is afraid that she will leave him or is afraid that she is spending time with someone other than him. Such doubts about her fidelity often arise due to the fact that he himself cheated on his wife more than once. If there is no trust between lovers, then it will be very difficult for them to build a normal relationship.

Strong feelings

A married man may suddenly realize that he wants to spend the rest of his life with the lady with whom he is used to just having fun. Feelings appeared for her that he had never felt for anyone. Such a discovery will delight and frighten him; he needs to decide what to do next. There are 2 main options:

• leave everything as it is when the fortitude is not enough for change;
• try to build a serious relationship with your mistress.

How does this happen

It's not surprising that girls like married men. They are well-groomed, confident, neatly dressed, and in good physical shape. Young women without life experience do not understand that a man looks good thanks to his caring wife. However, someone else's husband also takes pleasure in courting the girl. Men, like children, love new beautiful toys, although it is possible that he himself can become seriously interested in an attractive person and become her lover. A married lady is no less attractive to him. She takes care of herself, does not need funds and will not advertise her relationship. And secret meetings seem exciting and romantic.

Advice from psychologists

Experts recommend choosing a lover outside of your circle of mutual acquaintances with your husband or among your colleagues. You should get rid of comparisons between men; it is advisable not to talk about them with your lover, especially with your spouse. It will offend both of them. When provoked, you need to smile, shower your gentleman with kisses, and hug him. Personal life is not subject to discussion with anyone, especially with friends, even if it’s very bad.

A woman lover should start improving her self-esteem if her married lover is jealous of her. Better yet, find a free partner. The fact that a married woman has an affair with a married man no longer surprises anyone in the modern world. For them, an affair on the side is an opportunity to relax and strengthen the family unit.

When you get tired of the situation that your lover is jealous, it’s time to talk to him about it. Let him show his emotions, the main thing is that he suppresses his aggression.

Jealousy is pleasant when it manifests itself lightly and does not linger for long. If this feeling becomes pathological, it will create problems for both partners. How to behave around a jealous person will be determined by his psychological type.

Is it worth continuing the relationship?

The woman decides for herself whether it is worth maintaining such a relationship. Perhaps the feelings of love and affection for a married man can be deep, and despite the duality of her situation, she is not ready to part with this man. Maybe she hopes that someday he will divorce and marry her. Such miracles sometimes happen, but usually they happen in the first two years after the meeting. Most likely, he is not going to change anything, but promises to marry only to appease his mistress.

From an outside perspective, this relationship is most likely futile. When a young woman, not burdened with a family, dates a married man for many years, she devotes her life to him, but he behaves like an egoist. He promises to divorce, but does nothing, considers the girl his property and torments her with his jealousy. For a loving woman, suspicions of infidelity are offensive. He convinces that he loves her, but in fact, he only takes advantage of her beauty and youth and gives nothing in return. In addition, the lover demands fidelity from her, forgetting that he himself constantly fulfills marital duties, has children and lives as he wants. Years go by, the girl cannot start her own family, give birth to children, or feel like a full-fledged wife and mother. At the same time, the man does not hesitate to demand absolute fidelity from her and continues to stage scenes of jealousy.

If a woman is not prone to masochism and is tired of the role of a mistress, she will draw the right conclusions: she will be able to find herself a worthy man who will respect her and offer to marry him. This is the only way she will get rid of secret meetings and constant scenes of jealousy.

Solutions

The problem of jealousy must be solved, because it depletes the nervous system, harms relationships, and does not lead to anything good. The easiest way is a frank conversation between a man and his mistress. But it’s difficult to decide on it: a man does this extremely rarely, everything suits him.

For a lover

A woman often suffers from this, but is afraid of her lover's reaction. To break the vicious circle, she needs to discuss the situation with a psychologist, and then overcome herself and talk to the man. It will be easier to do this if he is jealous out of nowhere, and she does not give a reason, does not pay attention to other men and is faithful only to him. But if she is married, then his jealousy is completely justified; the lady must choose a lover or husband.

A lonely lover can act more decisively. It’s easier for her if she doesn’t depend on him financially, then they will communicate on equal terms. A girl can start a conversation from afar, thank the man for all the good things, and then ask him a question about the reasons for his behavior. If the jealousy is obvious, then he will not deny it; if not, then the mistress needs to be given specific facts. She needs to declare her desire to find family happiness with this man, especially if he promised her to divorce his wife.

If the conversation is difficult, the man does not want to listen to any explanations, then you can remind him that you should not suspect everyone of cheating, and he himself is also cheating on his wife. If the situation has gone far, the mistress wants to restore justice, she doesn’t care how their relationship will develop further, then you can voice a threat to tell your wife everything.

When a man does not make contact, his mistress can show him that she can leave for another person. Flirting and coquetry are possible. A married lover should be afraid of what kind of woman he will lose if he is senselessly jealous.

For a man

If there is no reliable evidence of his mistress spending time with another man, then he must understand that often jealousy is a figment of the imagination due to his psychological state. A married man with a mistress always faces a dilemma: who to choose and what to follow when resolving this issue. If he comes to an agreement within himself and voices the decision to his mistress, then the problem will be resolved.

In a situation of communicating with a married mistress, a man who has already decided everything for himself needs to give her an ultimatum: she leaves her husband or they break up, he can cite his deep and sincere feelings as an argument.

When the jealousy of a married man is periodic and is not caused by certain reasons, then you can get rid of it:

• increasing the time spent with his mistress will benefit his mood and dispel doubts that she has another man;
• physical activity that will not allow you to indulge in sad thoughts;
• interesting leisure;
• spending time outdoors, which is good for physical and mental health.

If all these methods do not work, and attacks of jealousy occur, then you need to consult a psychologist, he will prescribe therapy, including exercises and medications, because jealousy can be one of the harbingers of an anxious state.

Source: psyhoday.ru

How to take your lover away from your family?

Unfortunately, romantic women are not always able to maintain their composure. Many ladies fall hopelessly in love with married lovers. What to do in that situation if you have really strong feelings for this particular man? According to statistics, no more than 5-7 percent of unfaithful spouses go to their mistresses. But there is always a chance. The main thing is to follow wise advice:

• Remember that if a man has not left the family after a year of your relationship, he will never do so. Therefore, you need to act much earlier.
• Try to study your lover well. He will probably constantly tell you about himself and his problems in his relationship with his wife. Learn his habits and character traits.
• Let him know that he can trust you. Be an attentive listener and interlocutor. Keep all his secrets and problems strictly confidential. Do not refuse the help and support he needs if you are able to do something for him.
• Remember that a man will leave his wife only for a mistress who will be much better than her. Therefore, you need to spend time on your appearance, visit the gym and always look as neat as possible.
• Take care of intellectual enrichment. Men love women who can hold an intelligent conversation on any topic in life. At the same time, you should not try to show your superiority.
• Try not to bother your man with your own problems. He shouldn't see your tears and hysterics. With you, he should constantly feel warmth and joy.
• If the object of your passion is more than 40 years old, you should exercise maximum caution. You need to determine what this man really wants. Accustomed to a long-term marriage, he will only be able to go to the mistress who can provide him with the most comfortable living conditions.
• Learn various sexual techniques. You must become a real master in this matter. Returning home, a man should feel that he is missing something.
• Try not to touch on the financial issue. If you need to find out your lover's income level, do it indirectly.
• You should give the impression of a simple and fairly flexible woman with whom he will not have constant conflicts. Of course, you must have your own point of view.

Source: www.wmj.ru