An indifferent person or “don’t care” is a character that perfectly complements the picture of today’s world and even claims to be “positive” status. Having set himself a goal, he is able to concentrate on it to such an extent that other areas of his life (including concern for the welfare of loved ones) fade into the background.
This ability in modern society is called determination (some psychologists call it relative indifference) and is considered a positive quality. An absolute “don’t care” differs from a relative one in that he is indifferent not only to the needs of other people, but also to his own.
The ideal form of indifference is considered to be reasonable “not giving a damn.” The attractiveness of this form of indifference is that, regardless of what impression this person leaves about himself, he will remain indifferent in any situation, “not noticing” negative events. But if he does notice something negative, he will not attach any importance to it.
What is indifference
Some researchers believe that indifference is a symptom of psychological problems such as personal and existential crisis, depression, apathy, asthenia and others. According to this theory, an indifferent attitude towards the world is caused by a lack of understanding of one’s place in it, confusion, and fatigue.
In other sources there is a comparison between not giving a fuck and humility and inner harmony. This is a philosophical vision of the world, emphasizing that everything that happens in the world is vanity, and only man himself and his harmony with nature matter.
Well, the third explanation, which is related to the second, says that not caring is a protective mechanism of the psyche, a component of stress resistance. There are no worries, no value judgments, no anxiety and close perception of the situation - no stress with its characteristic consequences: burnout, nervous breakdown, overwork, mental disorders.
About the reasons for indifference
One of the reasons for indifference may be a mental disorder - a state in which a person is unable to show emotions.
Compassion is a feeling inaccessible to his understanding. Such people are often called pragmatists, phlegmatics, crackers, but it is impossible to change the situation with offensive words, especially if the cause of the mental disorder is a serious physical injury. No less dangerous are teenage psychological and physical traumas received as a result of love experiences. A young but indifferent person, even having once experienced severe mental (or physical) pain, can forever lose faith in people.
The lack of affection and warmth experienced in childhood is also a good “building material”. Statistically, most indifferent people were “unloved” as children.
Reasons for not giving a fuck
It is advisable to talk about the reasons for not caring only within the framework of the first theory. If we are talking about complete indifference, then indifference can be caused by:
- fatigue;
- burnout, overwork;
- personal, age-related, existential crisis;
- lack of purpose, meaning in life;
- non-acceptance, misunderstanding of oneself;
- life's uncertainty.
In addition, aggressive, unhealthy, cynical indifference can be the result of protective mechanisms of overcompensation and devaluation:
- A variant of overcompensation: a person was worried about all sorts of little things, became disappointed in himself and people, but was unable to consciously cope with anxiety. In response to this, a protective mechanism of the psyche was activated - overcompensation in the form of complete indifference.
- Devaluation option: a person suffered so often, became disappointed in people, that he devalued himself and the whole world. Now the individual believes that everything is temporary and meaningless, and therefore cannot fully enjoy life or experience happiness. He is convinced that the whole world is an illusion invented by people themselves.
In other cases, indifference is not something pathological or dangerous. On the contrary, reasonable indifference is an important part of the thinking of a mature person. This provides the resilience we all crave.
What is indifference?
Sociologists call indifference a person’s conscious refusal to participate in changes that affect not only his own life, but also the life of society.
An indifferent person does not care about others, is prone to inaction and is constantly in a state of apathy. Indifference is common to many people and does not arise without reason. One indifferent person from childhood received everything he wanted, grew up selfish, got used to thinking only about himself and did not care about others. Another, brought up in an atmosphere of mutual respect, but finding himself in a situation where the good he did was reciprocated with evil, has lost faith in justice and deliberately turns a blind eye to someone’s cruelty.
People belonging to the second type, not wanting the unpleasant situation to happen again, distance themselves from what is happening and often pass by the cruelty. But there is also a third type of people. “Everyone gets what they deserve. By interfering, I prevent them from correcting what their ancestors or they themselves did in their past lives,” this is their train of thought.
Is it good or bad
Indifference is an impartial, unemotional, indifferent attitude towards everything that happens in the world and life. On the one hand, it really protects against worries and stress. But on the other hand, indifference sometimes turns into complete passivity, which hinders the development of personality. After all, a person develops only through his own activity.
And how can you completely eliminate emotions? They help us understand ourselves, identify what we don’t like and what we want to fight. Complete indifference is not limited to the level of emotions; it usually affects the sphere of motives, will, and activity. A complete indifference goes with the flow.
But the exclusion of negative emotions has a beneficial, healing effect. This is the so-called healthy indifference. For example, recognizing that not everything is under our control. Situations happen that we just have to accept and move on. In this case, the person who doesn’t care follows the motto: “If a problem has a solution, then you shouldn’t worry about it, and if there is no solution, then worrying is even more pointless, because worrying won’t change anything.”
If indifference does not turn into total indifference, devaluation of universal human values, such as health, life, family, then it has a positive effect on the psyche. Some people get hung up on little things, for example, someone may worry for a month because the cafe doesn’t have their favorite coffee. And someone understands that coffee is a trifle. It is better to spend energy on more significant and serious things: career advancement, self-development, improving relationships with a partner.
People "without skin"
Perfectionists are often very sensitive people. But sensitive individuals are not always perfectionists. They are called people “without skin,” when a rude word or a dismissive look can hurt, and betrayal or separation unsettles them for a long time and becomes a tragedy.
Sensitivity can also be biologically determined when a person is born with a very delicate, receptive nervous system, says Mikhail Khors. But sometimes such a feature speaks of a “god complex.”
“Such a person does not necessarily strive for success, he may not have good grades at school or higher education, he may not have a prestigious job, salary, recognition of colleagues, but at the same time he has a complex of an omnipotent and omniscient being who knows exactly how to it should be, how the world should be. And if it is structured differently than what he imagined, then it is a bad world. It is painful for such people to live in a world that is not structured according to their laws. In religion this is called “pride”. Pride is the sin that is the mother of all other sins.”
Nadezhda Solovyova believes that in this case we are not talking about perfectionism, but rather about intolerance.
“You cannot put an equal sign between intolerance and perfectionism. There are intolerant people who are not perfectionists, and vice versa.”
A psychotherapist will help you cope with the “God complex”. Hypersensitive people can also improve their quality of life through therapy sessions and learn to react less painfully to traumatic situations and events.
Not giving a fuck as a defense against stress
A healthy person who doesn’t give a damn knows how to enjoy life, set priorities, relax, and spend their energy rationally. He is always calm, impenetrable, he cannot be controlled, manipulated, pressed for pity or other emotions. But it is emotions and feelings that are the basis of manipulation.
A person who doesn't care only deals with what is really important and useful for him. He is not controlled by envy or comparison, therefore he does not pursue other people's goods, happiness, or makes significant what he does not have. He doesn't waste his time chasing other people; he regularly surpasses only himself. A person who doesn't care lives impartially.
Traits characteristic of an indifference:
- prudence;
- composure;
- calmness in crisis situations;
- slowness;
- equanimity;
- stable mood background;
- stable vision of the world;
- stable behavior.
Obviously, such a person is resistant to stress. He adequately assesses situations, sees difficulties, opportunities, prospects, and does not allow the problem to take over his thinking. A person who doesn't care deliberately ignores petty troubles and threats. The question is what the person ultimately classified as unnecessary, small.
If a person who doesn’t give a damn sees the point in something, can answer the question “why” (“what the hell”), and the answer satisfies him, then all indifference subsides. A person who doesn't care is a source of energy, a person with great potential. You just need to find a few main guidelines “why” in order to achieve success in life, and not become a passive observer of it.
“There is only one way to happiness - to stop worrying about things that are not subject to our will,” - Epictetus, ancient Greek philosopher.
A person who doesn’t like everything can be safely called, for example, “gloomy,” although this word is not used so often in modern speech, it must be admitted. An excellent and more common word for a person of this kind is “grump” (or “grump”, from the word to grumble, that is, to angrily express one’s extreme dissatisfaction); there are also the words “michura” (derived from the word “michura”, that is, to frown, wince, scowl, look angrily), “sevryuk” (in fact, sevryuks are the descendants of the northerners, the Eastern Slavs; apparently, these comrades were distinguished by their stern character), “tukhtyr” (from the word “tukhtyritsya” - this is what they said in some parts of Russia when a person is sulking, angry, pouting his lips silently), “buka” (by the way, buka is an imaginary scarecrow with which some educators used to frighten children) . A person who doesn’t like everything can be called a “grumbler”, as well as a “knucklehead”, “creaky one”, “bummer”, “mizzer”, “cooer”, “creaky one”, “guzzler”. In some companies, such people are called “fish” for some reason. Also, a person who does not like everything can be called “indignant”, “sad”, “murmuring”, “murmuring”, “angry”, “angry”, “grumpy”, “dissatisfied”, “unhappy”, “gloomy”, “not experiencing a feeling of satisfaction”, “gloomy”, “irritable”, “annoyed”, “annoyed”, “sour”, “angry”, “sour-faced”, “spitted on”. They say about such a person that he is “out of spirit,” “out of mood,” “got off on the left foot,” “got off on the wrong foot,” “like he swallowed a fly.” Sources used:
- https://gudi1991.ru/otnosheniya/chto-takoe-bezrazlichna.html
- https://otvet.ws/questions/5068462-kak-nazvat-cheloveka-kotoromu-vsjo-bezrazlichno.html
- https://psychologist.tips/3841-chto-takoe-pofigizm-horosho-ili-ploho-prichiny-iz-psihologii-pofigizm-kak-zashhita-ot-stressa.html
- https://otvet.hi.ru/12752/kak-nazvatj-cheloveka-kotoromu-vse-ne-nravitsya
Do opposites attract?
Families built by people with different temperaments and characters are considered stronger. A classic example of such a union is the heroes of Vera Alentova and Alexei Batalov in the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”, Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezukhov in Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace”. But not in a movie or book, but in a real couple created by a perfectionist and his antipode, according to psychiatrist Mikhail Gordeev, serious problems will arise.
“It is unlikely that they will get together. And even great love will quickly fade away, because they have different perceptions of the world. After all, in a couple, a person often sets criteria for a partner. And a perfectionist can set criteria in productivity, punctuality, and beauty. He may have an ideal of beauty, and, say, he will like a beautiful woman, but in the morning she will still wake up with a rumpled face, and this is already a violation of the ideal.”
What to do if you fall out of love
What to do if you stop loving a guy? - this is the question that arises among girls who have felt a cooling towards their significant other. No need to cut from the shoulder. First of all, you should talk with your partner and decide how to continue communicating. During the conversation, you will need to make a mutual decision: to break up for a while to check your feelings, or to break off the relationship completely.
How not to behave in this situation
- Remain silent, endure, pretend, waste your life in a relationship with an unloved person. The guy has the right to mutual love even after breaking up with you, no matter how painful it may be. After some time, he will meet another girl who will love, appreciate, understand, and accept him for who he is. You will also find a companion for whom you will be inflamed with fresh feelings.
- Blaming your ex-lover for the fact that the relationship broke up because of him. Usually both are to blame for a breakup to one degree or another.
- Express aggression, escalate the situation. Then a break in the relationship will lead to mutual hatred. It’s enough to talk calmly, try to soften the blow towards your partner, try to part on amicable terms.
It is important not to feel guilty about the breakup of your couple. If a relationship doesn't bring happiness, then no one needs it. Life is given once and you need to live it as happily as possible. Moreover, in a relationship, no one owes anyone anything.
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It is difficult to admit to yourself that feelings for the once beloved man have faded. It is especially difficult to tell him about this. Before you make a decision, try to understand yourself well, perhaps this is a temporary crisis that many couples go through and return to a normal life together. If you understand that you no longer feel anything for this person, he is absolutely uninteresting to you and even more unpleasant, then do not torture yourself or him. Perhaps a new relationship will make both of you much happier.
Signs that you've fallen out of love
There are several sure signs that feelings have truly faded. If you notice at least 2-3 of them, then you should think about whether you need to continue the relationship through force, or whether it is better to start a new life without this person.
Meeting your significant other does not bring joy
If earlier you were looking forward to meeting your lover, anticipating pleasant moments of spending time together, now the usual feeling of comfort has evaporated. Next to your partner, you experience rather anxiety and discomfort, but being at a distance does not bother you at all, but, on the contrary, gives relief.
You stopped missing your partner
Being away from each other, lovers usually get bored, sad without their loved one, and reach out to him with all their souls. If you do not experience such emotions, then most likely the old feelings have passed.
You have stopped representing your partner in joint plans for the future
When you picture your future in your head, make plans, dream about something, your loved one will always be an integral part of your fantasies. If a girl does not see a partner in later life, then she no longer has any interest in him.
You don't expect relationships to develop and improve
A man does not always live up to a woman's expectations. At first, the girl tries to correct her lover, but soon she gets tired of it. The relationship continues in this case for several reasons:
- Out of habit;
- Due to the fact that a woman does not want to be left alone, and there is no other option on the horizon;
- Due to financial dependence on a person;
- Due to the presence of a common child;
- Due to the inconvenience in front of a former lover for all the good that he once did.
Trust is gone
You no longer trust your partner, you suspect insincerity and deception. This begins to irritate and create tension in the relationship. Soon you want to reduce them to nothing.
Lost interest in your lover's life
If at the initial stage of the relationship you were interested in every detail happening in the life of your loved one, now it has become insignificant for you. There is no longer a desire to ask “how are you”, “what’s new”, you don’t want to help with something, share interests, etc. That is, the person has become indifferent.
You are no longer flexible in relationships
If you are wondering how to understand that you have stopped loving a person, pay attention to your behavior. A woman who has lost interest in her lover ceases to be flexible, no longer tries to smooth out conflicts, and does not want to adapt to her partner. She leads as she sees fit, as she wants. That is, she now values her interests first and foremost.
Intolerance for partner's shortcomings
During the period of falling in love, a girl does not pay attention to some of the guy’s shortcomings, considering them to be his characteristics and even his highlight. Having lost interest in him, she becomes intolerant of any of his negative qualities. Every little thing irritates her. Even a minor mistake on the part of a partner can develop into a huge scandal.
Irritated by his attention
He tries to show signs of attention, hug, spend time together alone, but you don’t like it and even irritate you. You try to distance yourself from him, avoid meeting him. Perhaps you are often together and need a break from each other, but sometimes such behavior on the part of a girl indicates that she no longer likes the guy.
You feel better without him
You are no longer afraid of losing your other half; on the contrary, you want to be free, and outdated relationships have long been straining you. You do not want to be the first to reconcile, you do not try to avoid quarrels, and you remain proudly silent for as long as possible after a conflict. Instead of softening the situation, you escalate it even more.
A few more signs that you've fallen out of love with a guy
- You don't want to take care of him.
- His affectionate nicknames began to irritate you.
- You have become more interested in other things than your lover.
- You no longer try to limit yourself in anything for the sake of your significant other.
- You don't take his opinion into account.
- You are not jealous of him, even if there is a reason.
- You are burdened by intimacy with him.
- The smell of your partner is irritating.
- I don't want to touch him.
- Looking for a reason to break off the relationship.
Psychologists say that if a woman believes that she has stopped loving a man, then it is so. The very fact that doubt has arisen in your head about your feelings for your partner already speaks volumes. It is noteworthy that indifference comes in one moment. You wake up and realize that you no longer want to waste your time on this person.
