Narcissism: Signs You're Narcissistic and Don't Even Know It


Narcissism is a term that describes human behavior. It usually involves complacency, overly inflated self-esteem, manipulation in relationships, and taking advantage of other people. In modern psychology there is even a narcissistic personality type. In psychiatry there is such a thing as narcissistic personality disorder. In this case, narcissism is no longer just some complex of human character traits, but a real mental illness that cannot be completely cured. The good news is that narcissism in such a serious form is very rare. However, in this article, let's talk about the normal kind of narcissism. Here is a list of 18 types of behavior of people who are narcissists (or narcissists), based on scientific research as well as expert opinion. It, of course, will not help you diagnose anything, but with its help you will already be able to identify the narcissist from your environment. Or maybe he is hiding inside you?

You are a smug interlocutor

Narcissists often believe that their views are the right and best. And they definitely need others to recognize this. For example, a narcissist believes that he has some special connection with a higher power. But it’s not enough for him to just think like that. He needs others to know this and admire how deeply spiritual he is.

How did the term come about?

The term "narcissus" for this disorder was chosen due to an ancient Greek legend that tells how the flower of the same name came into being. Legend tells that the nymph Echo once met the beautiful Narcissus, with whom she fell in love. But the young man did not reciprocate her feelings; instead, he looked at his reflection in the water surface and admired his own beauty. The nymph wasted away from love, and soon all that was left of her was a voice wandering in the mountains.

The young man was punished for his arrogance. The goddess Nemesis made him fall in love with his own reflection. Narcissus was so fascinated that he could not take his eyes off him even for a second. He stood by the pond, bowing his head over the water, until he died of hunger. And later, a beautiful flower grew in that place, bending over as if looking into a water mirror. This legend very well describes the internal state of people with narcissistic disorder, whose entire attention is focused on their own personality.

Do you consider yourself the most beautiful

According to a study conducted by Seemin Wazir, a psychologist at the University of Washington, narcissistic people are generally rated by society as being more flamboyant and attractive in appearance. However, this is not always the case. During the experiment, narcissists highly rated their external characteristics and mental abilities. However, when taking the IQ test, they didn’t show anything outstanding. When peers were asked to evaluate their narcissistic friends based on external appearance, their opinion was lower in this regard than the view of narcissists about themselves.

You feel entitled to be vindictive

Narcissistic people usually know that vindictive or antisocial behavior is not acceptable. But they feel entitled to act this way because they constantly feel that they have been wronged. What's more, they often get offended for no particular reason, which means they constantly hear other people say, "That's not what I meant!"

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You fall in love easily and blindly

People who are characterized by narcissism quickly and easily fall in love and just as quickly and easily lose interest in the person. And all because at first the narcissist, arriving with rose-colored glasses, sees in front of him an absolutely ideal partner who perfectly complements his own perfection. This continues until his “glasses” fall off and he sees everything as real. Then he understands that the ideal he saw is just an illusion. And it is this fact that will put an end to their romantic relationship. After all, imperfection cannot be next to perfection, right?

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A narcissistic person is not that uncommon, especially now that society is too fixated on people's appearance. Nowadays, people are often judged by how they look. This forces many people from birth to feel complex about their appearance, or, conversely, to put themselves above others.

Who are narcissists

Narcissism is a permanent and difficult to change state of a person, in which he has inflated self-esteem, despite quite ordinary abilities in general. Most narcissists are arrogant, in love with themselves and know how to think only about themselves, showing selfishness in everything.

Narcissists consider themselves not only the most beautiful, but also often the smartest, although their level of intelligence is mediocre, and their achievements are, to put it mildly, lacking. These people have certain differences, certain characteristic features, including:

Frequent changes of opinion about oneself . Yes, yes, narcissists can see themselves as hopeless freaks, or they can think of themselves as deities. Changes in mood are the norm for such people, although not a mandatory trait;

avoidance of responsibility . Narcissistic people are almost always confident in their “innocence.” They prefer to shift the blame onto others, removing it from themselves. They do this automatically, not on purpose;

selfishness . It is felt especially strongly and painfully in a love or friendly relationship with a narcissist. Narcissistic people even pose a great danger to relatives;

expecting recognition from other people. To some extent, they are the strongest energy vampires, because the only thing that fuels them is your recognition. Telling a narcissistic lady that she is beautiful can lift her out of deep depression into great positive excitement. A narcissist man is also easy to lift emotionally. Your compliments and recognition recharge them again and again, no matter how long they are in a state of “hypersleep” without it;

they are empty inside . They don’t know how to empathize, help people, and don’t know how to love normally. People in old age often become much richer internally, while narcissists, on the contrary, fade away. This is their peculiarity, without exception;

endless reproaches on their part . When you communicate with such a person, he willy-nilly forces you to justify yourself, which is very unpleasant.

Around narcissists, everyone is always guilty of something, everything is always awry. Of course, there are simply difficult people, but one should not think that narcissism is not hidden. Someone knows how to deal with its consequences. There are already many more such people, so their narcissism can be healthy.

Helpful Traits of Narcissists

In addition to its disadvantages, narcissism can also bring its advantages. Of course, we are all a little like this, but that’s good, because everything is beautiful in moderation. Being a little narcissistic is good because you will learn not to reject yourself and become more aware of your desires.

In general, narcissism is useful only occasionally, but it is precisely in such moments that we lack it most. To make the heart feel better, selfishness and self-love must be present in an embryonic, dormant state. You need to be able to regulate this, otherwise there will be problems. An overabundance of narcissism will never be good for any personality, because this love blinds, kills your inner self.

Loving their bodies often makes narcissists look very beautiful, but sometimes this goes too far. It is for this reason that you can identify a narcissistic person even by appearance. Such people love to attract attention, but this cannot be equated with stupidity and low intelligence, they are simply dependent on the attention of the people around them. This is a definite plus, because narcissists often manage to look 5+.

One way or another, there are safe ways to increase self-esteem. Becoming a narcissistic person is not so difficult, but returning everything to normal is no longer a task for weak people. It’s easy to drown in this pool. It is enough that in childhood you were pampered and helped to believe in your eternal rightness.

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05.02.2018 00:50

You like to rise at the expense of others

People subject to narcissism like to suppress others in order to further stroke their ego. Experts also believe that the desire for admiration is like a drug for narcissists. However, things get complicated because others won't admire them all the time. Therefore, narcissistic people are forced to look for new acquaintances and connections from whom they can receive a new portion of applause.

Why do people become narcissists?

From a psychological point of view, the main causes of narcissism are errors in upbringing and mental trauma experienced in early childhood. Most often, this personality disorder develops at the age of 2-3 years, when the baby develops a conscious perception of the world around him and begins to communicate quite meaningfully with his parents. If during this period a child begins to be reproached for mistakes “for educational purposes” (broken toys, incorrect movements, poor learning ability), his self-esteem is disturbed and social connections are established incorrectly.

Every child needs the approval of their parents when showing them the first drawing or craft they created with their own hands. If his parents criticize his work or simply brush him off, he receives psychological trauma, which he will try to compensate for as an adult. Excessive admiration can also lead to a similar result. From childhood, a child must understand that one can only receive praise for achievements once. His efforts cannot be ignored, but there is no need to praise him undeservedly either.

You want to always be in control of everything

Narcissists love to control everything without falling into aggression. For example, in romantic relationships, their control may manifest through constant unpunctuality or requests to give up everything and do as they want. This is how narcissistic people provide themselves with a certain comfort zone in a relationship where the other partner cannot somehow influence the situation or change anything. By doing this, narcissists maintain the sense of independence and self-sufficiency that they so desperately need.

Author. Harper's BAZAAR Kazakhstan. Photo. Shutterstock.com.

You are a bad athlete

Some narcissists turn out to be bullies, and one of their most difficult character traits is their tendency to misperceive both failures and victories.

For example, when they lose in a sporting competition, they may try to humiliate the referee. When they win, they may gloat excessively or insult the losing party.

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Narcissism in each of us

Of course, in fairness, it should be said that a certain amount of narcissism is characteristic of each of us, when in the depths of our souls the stability of our own self-image remains and in order for such a feeling to be preserved, we must remember (but without specifically remembering anything) about happy childhood years when we grew up in tenderness and affection, with a feeling of complete security, which was provided by our parents and other loved ones.
If a child in childhood experienced a lack of attention, love and care from his parents, then subsequently one should not be surprised at the presence of narcissism.

But, as a rule, under the mask of narcissism hides a very vulnerable and lonely person.

Narcissism - what is it?

There is a lot said about narcissism.
Narcissistic egoists are interesting for their psychology and this is constantly discussed on the RuNet. What attracts these arrogant and insufferable people? What is it about them that makes us talk about it for many years? It’s a paradox, but many are attracted to such people, however, when they come closer, they begin to understand that behind the shine of tinsel lies an insecure person. There are often cases when, having once tried to morally gut his beloved, a man “gets the taste” and cannot stop.

So what is it - a mental disorder or a congenital trait? How does narcissism manifest itself, how dangerous is it for others, and are there ways to get rid of it?

You are probably a young man

After conducting interviews with 34,653 people, psychologist Frederick Stinson found that men tend to be more narcissistic than women. Narcissism is believed to peak during adolescence and decline as people get older.

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You put some people on a pedestal

The logic of a narcissist is as follows: “If I find the perfect person and become closer to him, perhaps his perfection will affect me, and others will perceive me the same way.”

In their search for such perfection, narcissists admire people they perceive as perfect, be it a colleague or a partner, and then become deeply disappointed when that person turns out to be less than perfect as they imagined, because to the narcissist, everything has to be perfect.

Modern narcissism

Of course, it cannot be said that modern narcissists in all their parameters correspond to the mythical hero; this is not the case, at least even in relation to their external data, and the very concept of narcissism is no longer perceived so unambiguously and has more than one interpretation, with which we and let's introduce you.
Of course, more often than not this word is associated with narcissism, which does not recognize any other opinions from the outside.


There is also an opinion, which has a psychiatric orientation, that narcissism is nothing more than a banal personality disorder, in which all the sensual energy of a certain person is directed only at himself, and in no way at anyone around him.

And many scientists and psychiatrists even believe that narcissism is a mental illness for which a person needs to be treated.

You hate your own emotions

The very act of showing emotion in the presence of another person suggests that you may be emotionally moved by friends, family, partners, random tragedy or misfortune. This is why narcissists try to avoid any emotional expression.

The presence of emotions challenges the narcissist's perfect autonomy.

As a result, the narcissist will usually try to change the topic of conversation if it affects feelings - especially his own.

Are you willing to tolerate other people's narcissistic traits?

It turns out that best friends tend to show similar levels of narcissism. The greatest similarities were found between male friends who are extremely narcissistic.

One of the many possible reasons for this phenomenon is that narcissists are less put off by other people's narcissism because they only pay attention to themselves.

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