10 important tips for teenage boys. Psychology of a teenage boy. Advice for parents of teenagers 9-15 years old

December 24, 2016

Averyanova Sveta

Raising a teenager is different from raising young children. After all, in fact, these are already formed personalities who grow up and develop every day. This is evidenced not only by changes in their appearance, figure, but also in behavior.

Most children at the age of 14 become uncontrollable, stubborn, and withdraw into themselves. And this is the omission of parents who missed the moment when their child grew up. To avoid problems with a teenager, you should know what mistakes you should not make in raising your daughter or son, and what advice from a psychologist you should take note.

Raising a 9-year-old boy: advice from a psychologist

You need to try to sort out the problems. That is, do not shift responsibility onto your child’s shoulders, but also do not deprive him of choice. Give your child more independence than before. You cannot leave a child without control, because he can make a lot of mistakes, but try to make this control unnoticeable. Do not lie and tell your child the truth, even if it is quite harsh and unpleasant.

Raising a 9-year-old boy, advice from a psychologist:

Be sure to get advice about spending family money. Monitor your child’s health and, if necessary, consult a dermatologist to solve problems with oily skin, acne and pimples.
Be sure to praise your child, even if the achievements are minor.
Do not reprimand your child in front of peers, as this may undermine his or her authority. Listen to his opinion and express yours, but don’t force him to do it his way.
Be sure to be interested in successes and listen to what the child says. Trust him and be sure to love him.
Boys aged 9 years have not yet reached the culmination of adolescence, so there may be subtle changes in behavior. However, at this age there is a need for personal space and greater freedom.
Therefore, parents should be prepared that after the age of 9 the child will gradually become distant. Remember that at this age sons are very vulnerable, interests, some questions and doubts appear. Be sure to communicate with your child and try to support him. Very often, sweet children turn into unbearable ones and may behave badly.

Communication

Time frame of adolescence

Sometimes the first signs of adolescence (some signs of puberty and the desire for autonomy) begin to appear in children as early as 9–10 years old.

The World Health Organization believes that adolescence ends around the age of 23 (since brain maturation continues until this age). Some researchers argue that the brain matures before age 26.

Compared to previous generations, the period of adolescence has lengthened. Teenagers have become an essential part of society.

Psychology of a 10-11 year old boy: advice

The transitional age can begin at 11 years old and last until 17. This is a fairly wide range, during which significant changes in appearance occur. The genital organs mature, hair growth increases, the voice changes, and significant changes occur in the boy’s height and weight. In general, from 14 to 16 years of age, there may be a peak in weight gain, as well as in height. It is during this period that a young man is able to grow by several tens of centimeters. Of course, such a significant jump in growth and changes in appearance is due to the high content of various hormones in the blood. They can affect the child’s mental state, causing anxiety, apathy, excessive emotionality, or, conversely, isolation. Therefore, parents should be prepared for this. It is best to prepare your child for such a period in advance by discussing important aspects.

Psychology of a 10-11 year old boy, tips:

First of all, it is necessary to talk about nocturnal emissions that occur in adolescents. Indeed, according to the opinion of a large number of experts, they are the ones who cause a lot of anxiety in children. If you are embarrassed to talk about such intimate topics, you can offer him a relevant book. In this case, the teenager will independently choose a convenient time to read useful information.
It is necessary for the child to understand that nothing bad is happening to his body. Be sure to pay attention to the teenager’s appearance. At the age of 10-16 years, boys and girls are characterized by youthful maximalism; they are very scrupulous about their appearance. It may not change for the better. Previously beautiful, smooth, thin skin becomes oily, covered with pimples and comedones.
Even if these problems are minor, you need to pay attention to them. Never yell at your child or ignore his problems, even if they seem insignificant to you. Help your child take care of his skin. Take him to an appointment with a dermatologist, talk and discuss all the intricacies of caring for oily teenage skin. Usually, dermatologists prescribe special products, talkers, and masks that help remove pimples and blackheads.

In company

Your teenager's world

It's normal for your teen to think that the world sometimes revolves around them. In fact, they may even think they have an “imaginary audience.”

“Imaginary audience” is a label for teenagers’ belief that there is a group of followers who are constantly watching and judging their every move. 11 The belief stems from the broader concept of adolescent egocentrism, that teenagers think the world revolves around them and that everyone pays attention to how they look and what they do. This is a normal phase of adolescent social development.

It can be frustrating for parents to see their teen change shirts five times before heading off to school when most options are pretty much the same. But this is normal teenage behavior.

In addition to being more invested in social relationships, your teen will also become more aware of social issues. They may invest in helping charities or fighting for a political cause in which they believe.

As your teen gets older, she will spend more time thinking about her values. They may question their faith or claim that they will live a different lifestyle than you. It's all part of the process of separation as your teenager comes into his own.

It's normal for all teenagers to feel like they don't fit in sometimes. Their trust may also be denied. But for teenagers who are bullied and ostracized, adolescence is likely to be a particularly difficult time.

If your teen is struggling to fit in socially, consider getting professional help. Loneliness and isolation can lead to mental health problems.

It's also important to keep a close eye on your teen's stress levels. Academic problems, social problems, sports-related pressures, and preparing for the future can sometimes be overwhelming.

Make sure your teen isn't too busy. Downtime is important.

Teens need healthy stress-reduction activities and relaxation skills. Proactively teach your teen to recognize high levels of stress and show them how to cope with stress in a healthy way.

Psychology of a 12 year old boy: advice

During this period, personal boundaries are built, so do not be upset if a teenager moves away from you. For the first time he begins to feel like a person, a person and an individual, as well as a member of society. He wants his opinion to be taken into account.

Psychology of a 12 year old boy, advice:

If there is misunderstanding on the part of adults, the child may withdraw into himself. Therefore, under no circumstances treat a teenager as a child. Try to communicate with him as an adult, but do not forget that he is not smart or experienced enough to make serious decisions. Please note that now very low self-esteem and complexes may form.
The child often becomes overly anxious during this period. There may be difficulties communicating with peers. Therefore, take a closer look at your friends and surroundings. Teenagers aged 11-12 years may act rashly. This is one of the most dangerous periods, when there is a surge of hormones, and boys want to be better than their peers, often getting into “weak” fights.
The main task is to assert yourself, prove to yourself that you are worth something, and also gain authority among your peers. It is necessary to tell the child that he is worthy, thereby increasing his self-esteem. It is necessary that the child learns to perceive his emotions and control them. In adolescence, this is quite difficult; the emotional component predominates rather than the rational one. Therefore, teach your child to control his emotions and manage aggression.

At this stage, boundaries are changed and new ones are created. An independent person with his own views and emotions is formed. Therefore, it is quite natural that the guy wants to separate from his parents. That is why at the moment there may be a denial of family values, authority and norms of behavior. The child may become too aggressive. Try to smooth out such conflicts gently. Very often, children want to do everything the other way around in order to annoy adults and contrast their values. Often a restructuring of emotions occurs, and feelings become more vivid.

Alone

Transitional age at 15-16 years old

Around this time, the voice begins to break down and the timbre becomes lower. This period is characterized by the teenager’s active self-determination, the desire to demonstrate and show off his own strength, dexterity, and speed. It is at this stage that a change in moral guidelines and assessment systems begins to actively occur. The foundation of an independent personality is being built, which requires a certain life goal and aspirations. This stage of development is especially difficult from a psychological point of view; the teenager has frequent mood swings, reluctance to learn, and an excessive desire for independent life without outside interference.

Psychology of a 13 year old boy

Parents should gently encourage them to make the right choice. You must try to make sure that he does not understand that you are the initiator of a useful acquaintance. A child at this age may ignore those he does not like and does not feel trust.

Psychology of a 13 year old boy:

Male education is very important during this period. That is why it is necessary for his father to communicate with him. Not only the mother is able to discuss sensitive issues, but also the father. It is necessary that trust arises from early childhood.
Only in such conditions will the child discuss masculine topics with his father. If in childhood and adolescence there is no trust between parents and child, then in adulthood such an individual will constantly shift responsibility to someone else. Often such guys become childish and not independent. The father and mother must allow the child to make his own decisions, even if he makes mistakes.
First of all, in adolescence, the father should communicate with the child not as with his son, keeping him under constant control, pointing out mistakes, but forming friendly relations. It is worth noting that at the age of 14, children in a military family are more disciplined and resilient than their peers. However, in such families a huge problem arises. This is due to the rather strict treatment of children, which often provokes a breakdown.

Restrictions

Raising teenagers.

Helping parents of teenagers is the main goal of this article.
We are confident that after reading it in full
, you will be able to better understand how to make raising a teenager more effective, prevent or smooth out conflicts.
You will learn the psychological foundations of raising teenagers. In it you will find information about the psychology of a teenager, specific recommendations for raising a teenager, which will help you avoid typical mistakes of parents in raising teenagers, maintain harmonious relationships in the family, and help teenagers and adults successfully cope with the difficulties of adolescence. Often, conflicts between adolescents and parents occur due to the latter’s basic ignorance of the psychological characteristics of the teenage period of development. We hope that this article will help parents and other adults successfully overcome all the difficulties in raising a teenager.
Structure of the article.

Psychological characteristics of adolescence.
Typical mistakes parents make in raising a teenager.
Recommendations for parents of teenagers.
Taking into account individual characteristics in the upbringing of adolescents.

Psychological characteristics of adolescence.
Hundreds of books and thousands of articles have been written about how to raise a teenager, but they are often based on the author’s personal experience and worldview.

In this article, we rely exclusively on information confirmed by numerous domestic and foreign studies, the results of which have been published in the scientific literature.

Parents and teachers often highlight separate topics in the upbringing of teenagers: moral education, sex education, physical education, spiritual education, etc. But any direction of raising adolescents is only effective when it is conscious and based on the age-related characteristics of the teenage period of human development.

We will talk about the ages of 11-18 years. Although the boundaries of adolescence are quite arbitrary, for some it may begin a little later, for others a little earlier. In the article there is no division into teenage boys and teenage girls. Everything said in it applies to teenagers, regardless of their gender. Of course, some typical teenage reactions manifest themselves in teenage girls more often in a more hidden form than in teenage boys, and some, on the contrary, are more pronounced in girls than in boys.

Everyone knows that the period from birth to three years is very important in the development of a child. The experience gained at this time largely determines the further development of a person and affects his entire life.

But what is less known is that adolescence is an equally important influence. This is due to the fact that in adolescence, a second period of increased brain plasticity occurs, i.e. the ability of the brain to change under the influence of the external environment.

Increased plasticity of the brain during adolescence provides the opportunity for positive results in raising a teenager, but at the same time it is a risk zone, because the consequences of adverse external influences can be severe and last a lifetime.

Adolescence -

This is the period when a person acquires a set of skills and abilities necessary for further independent life
.
At this time, the ability to understand the needs of other people, their motivation and intentions is formed;
ability to plan and achieve goals; predict the consequences of your actions; control of one's own behavior and emotions. Knowledge and consideration of the psychological characteristics of adolescents will help parents avoid mistakes in raising their teenage children. What you need to know and consider in raising teenagers.

In adolescence, there is a need to separate from adults, to feel independent and independent. It is this need that often underlies teenage negativism, the desire to emphasize one’s individuality, and resistance to adults.
Teenagers need recognition from their peers. For most teenagers, the opinions of friends may be more significant than the opinions of adults, including parents. This often leads to unwise behavior in the company of peers. On the other hand, rejection by peers leads to emotional problems in a teenager, feelings of loneliness and communication problems that can last a lifetime.
All people care about the attention of others, their opinions and attitudes. But in adolescence this manifests itself to a much greater extent than in adults. Teenagers become more sensitive to the opinions and assessments of others (especially peers), they often exaggerate the attention of others to themselves, and are especially acutely aware of the feeling of rejection by peers and loneliness.
In adolescence, positive emotions seem stronger and brighter than at other ages, while self-control is not yet sufficiently developed. Self-regulation of adolescents has not yet formed. Adolescents tend to seek rewards “here and now,” but they are less
likely to avoid situations in which they might lose something or fail. The desire to receive immediate reward often takes precedence over common sense, because... they are less able to control their impulsive behavior, especially in the company of peers. Very often, teenagers commit some undesirable actions not because of ignorance, but under the influence of momentary emotions.
Under normal circumstances, a teenager is often capable of the same level of self-control as adults. But anxiety, fatigue or stress affect his ability to self-control to a much greater extent than in adults. (This is due to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for self-regulation). In an emotionally unstable state or under external influence, the quality of his decisions deteriorates.
Due to the increased excitability of the limbic system of the brain, adolescents become more emotional, experience emotions more acutely than adults, and also strive to gain more vivid and intense experiences - psychologists call this “the desire for sensory experience.”
When teenagers experience negative emotions, there is reduced activity in areas of the brain responsible for controlling emotions and understanding what is said to them. Self-regulation of adolescents with negative emotions decreases much more than that of adults.

Typical mistakes parents make in raising a teenager.

Excessive control, attempts to regulate everything.
Treated like a small child. The desires and opinions of a teenager are not taken into account. Thus, parents either push the teenager to revolt, to a pronounced reaction of emancipation, or suppress his independence.
They try to influence only in an authoritarian way, using exclusively prohibitions and punishments. They believe that the main thing a child should learn is obedience, obedience and respect for authority
.
Strict authoritarian educational measures often push a child to sophisticated lies for fear of punishment. Research shows that an authoritarian parenting style does not promote healthy development and often leads to less independence and perseverance in later life, and uncertainty in unusual situations.
They let everything take its course, give in to all the child’s whims, control nothing, and avoid conflicts.
This can lead to low achievement motivation, greater susceptibility to peer influence, and behavioral problems. Inhibits the development of adolescent self-regulation.
When scolding for something, they evaluate not the act itself and its consequences, but the personality of the teenager.
In this case, parents provoke a protest reaction or a feeling of helplessness and rejection in the teenager.
They underestimate the degree of peer influence.
They don't care if they don't have friends. If a teenager doesn't have friends, then this is a cause for concern. Also, due to exposure to peer influence, his environment is very important. Sometimes it is even necessary to change schools or classes if a teenager finds himself isolated or in the wrong company of peers (but this should be done in extreme cases).
They underestimate external circumstances when they require conscious behavior and self-control from a teenager.
A teenager often simply cannot control himself or resist any circumstances. Let us remember that the self-regulation of adolescents is not yet sufficiently developed.
They try to influence a teenager “emotionally”, in a stressful situation.
In a stressful situation, a teenager’s brain is simply less capable of analytical work. A teenager simply may not “get” what angry adults are telling him.
They reward the teenager immoderately even for minor successes, thereby teaching him to receive “pleasure” without much effort.

This can lead to the development of self-centeredness, as well as to the fact that in adult life a person experiences constant disappointments and gets lost in a situation where any demands are made on him.

They do not take into account the individual characteristics of a teenager and modern living conditions.
They act according to the principles: “What is good for me is also good for him.” “What I like, he should like it too,” etc. All people are different. In many ways, a person’s personal characteristics are determined by the properties of his nervous system, which depend on the genotype and formation in the prenatal period. How to take into account individual characteristics in raising a teenager is a little lower in this article.

Recommendations for parents on raising teenagers.
The main thing that parents can do to help their child successfully overcome all the difficulties of adolescence is to create a supportive and psychologically safe atmosphere in the family.

Basic principles of raising a teenager:

Manifestations of love. Justice. Providing support.

Basic means of raising a teenager:

Communication, conversation.
Control. Joint events. Personal example. The plasticity of the nervous system, that is, the degree of human susceptibility to environmental influences, is genetically predetermined. In other words, some are more susceptible to external influences, others less. But the external environment can have both positive and negative effects on the development of a teenager, depending on its content. And although the genetic code determines the strength of environmental influence on the development of a teenager, whether this influence will be positive or negative depends on environmental conditions. And family is an important factor influencing the development of a teenager.
If a person grows up in a favorable environment, then this makes him psychologically more stable, and if his living conditions are unfavorable, then vice versa. It is manifestations of love and unconditional acceptance that create a favorable and psychologically safe “habitat” for a person, especially for a teenager.

Shows of love do not contradict firmness in setting boundaries and expectations for a teenager

. Moreover, adolescents themselves need external control, setting boundaries of acceptable behavior and rules. But if a teenager does not feel that his parents love him, he will most likely perceive demandingness as harshness, injustice, or too severe a punishment.

Teenagers often feel lonely in their families.

Recommendation 1

. Show your love, do not skimp on affection and praise. Even when you scold a teenager, never evaluate his personality, talk only about a specific action and its consequences. Do not make your love for him dependent on his success, compliance with rules and some actions.

Recommendation 2.

Help develop self-confidence, give the opportunity to perform independent actions and make decisions. Support his need for independence.

Recommendation 3.

Be involved in your teenager's life. But without intrusiveness and excessive control, do not try to “get into your soul” for any reason. Just talk, be interested in his life without moralizing and “educational” speeches. Help with planning, setting goals and how to achieve them.

Recommendation 4.

If you set any restrictions, then justify them, clearly formulate the rules of behavior and demand their implementation.
If the rules and restrictions are justified, taking into account the teenager’s capabilities, then they will not be perceived by him as something negative. (Which does not mean that he will always comply with them). It is better to motivate a teenager with a potential reward than with the threat of punishment or deprivation of something. Recommendation 5:
Avoid harsh punishments.
Physical punishment or punishment that humiliates the adolescent is not effective. Punishment must be strictly for a specific act, justified, specific and limited in time. It is better to do without punishments altogether, replacing them with an expression of disapproval and an explanation of why this is bad and what consequences ( including for you personally
) this led to.

Recommendation 6.

It makes no sense to influence a teenager through shouting: he pays more attention to the emotions of the speaker than to the content of his speech.

Recommendation 7.

Do not hesitate to tell your teenager about your emotions and feelings that are caused by his actions. Teenagers may not understand what their parents really feel and why they feel and misinterpret their actions and words. (For this there is a very effective technique “I am the message”; at the end of the page there is a link to an online training for parents on communicating with a teenager, we highly recommend it).

Recommendation 8.

Research shows that the level of development of a teenager’s self-regulation is one of the main personal characteristics on which his success depends. Sports activities, as well as the establishment of a system of reasonable control over his behavior, help in the development of self-regulation of adolescents.

A separate topic is sex education for teenagers.

We recommend an article on our website on this topic. How can parents explain to their children what sex is?

Taking into account individual characteristics in the upbringing of adolescents.

People are born with different characteristics of the nervous system.
Let us quote from the book of the outstanding Russian psychologist V.N. Druzhinin “Family Psychology”. “Psychogenetics identifies two determinants of development: heredity and environment.
Between the hammer of the environment and the anvil of the gene pool is man. For him, family is the main and fundamental component of the environment in which he lives....” Many personality traits and psychological development of children are determined by biological prerequisites.
We are unable to change them. But we can take them into account when communicating with a person. Of course, each person has a different mood, behaves differently depending on the circumstances, shows different emotions, etc. But everyone has individual, most pronounced personality traits, manifested in behavior and emotions. Below are some recommendations on how to take into account the most common, strongly expressed
individual characteristics of adolescents.

1. The teenager has increased activity, he really does not like monotony, he is very uncomfortable being alone. He constantly craves communication, is prone to frequent changes of hobbies and activities, but rarely finishes what he starts, he is inattentive and has constant problems with discipline, he can overestimate himself, strives to stand out and earn praise

. In this case, it is better to pay more attention to control and assistance in planning time. And the main thing is to show interest in the teenager’s life, his hobbies and emotions, so that he does not feel his parents’ indifference to him. But if parents try excessively to control absolutely everything and limit independence, impose very strict rules, exercise petty control, then this can push him towards “rebellion.” The teenager will look for ways to avoid bypassing control and living his life hidden from his parents.

2. The teenager experiences increased fatigue, irritability and a tendency to worry about his health. There may be unexpected outbursts of emotion over a minor issue. As a rule, all this is combined with accuracy and discipline.

In this regard, parents should not overprotect the teenager, try to control his every step, constantly prohibit everything and watch him. All this will contribute to increased lack of independence and self-doubt, indecision and inability to stand up for oneself. Here, a normal, orderly rhythm of life, alternating mental and physical activity will play a big role.

3. A very strong tendency to introspection and endless reasoning, constant hesitation when making decisions. Indecision and hesitation in actions, especially in situations where it is necessary to make an independent choice, anxious suspiciousness. All this is combined with fears that something terrible and irreparable might happen to him and especially to his loved ones.

In this case, it is undesirable for a teenager when his parents heavily “load” him with their expectations and hopes for his future. They make the teenager responsible for realizing their own unfulfilled hopes and assign non-childish responsibilities. Such characteristics of a teenager as suspiciousness, indecisiveness, and a tendency to worry about every reason will increase.

4. The teenager has very strong egocentrism and a thirst for the attention of others. He often composes and fantasizes in order to embellish himself and his achievements. Experiences and emotions are theatrical.

. These personality traits will be reinforced and strengthened if the teenager’s parents patronize him in every possible way, protect him from any difficulties and unpleasant responsibilities, immoderately admire his imaginary abilities and attach unduly great importance to his achievements. In other words, admire the teenager all the time, even in cases where his real abilities and achievements are not very great.

We have given just a few examples of pronounced individual characteristics and their consideration in raising a teenager. But who knows their child better than parents? Take a closer look at his behavior and emotions. Try to analyze what actions of yours cause this or that reaction. Think about what and how you can help him. The same words and actions can have different effects depending on the individual characteristics of the teenager.

In conclusion, we note the following.

Unfortunately, it is not so rare to find cases when parents are burdened by a teenager, although they drive such a thought away from themselves and do not admit it to themselves. In this case, the teenager does not receive emotional warmth, although the parents care about him and show attention to his upbringing. Depending on the individual personality traits of a teenager, his reaction can be different - from going into opposition to his parents to striving with all his might to win their love. But in any case, such a situation is psychologically traumatic for any child; despite the care of the parents, he still feels a lack of sincere emotional warmth. Why is this happening? As a rule, the reasons lie in the childhood of the parents themselves. What should parents do if they realize this is their attitude towards their child? Here everyone must find the answer to this question on their own. Consulting a psychologist often helps with this.

And lastly, in resolving and preventing conflicts with a teenager, the way parents behave in conflict situations plays an important role.

We recommend reading the articles on our website and taking online training on communicating with a teenager.

How can parents explain to their children what sex is?

Conflicts between adolescents and parents. What to do?

Interactive online training on communicating with a teenager

Advice for parents of a 13 year old teenager

Starting from the age of 13, teenage boys can actively engage in various sports. Accordingly, they want to be better, shape their figure, so it is necessary to adjust the amount of load.

Advice for parents of a 13-year-old teenager:

Anabolic steroids and steroids are often taken. This negatively affects the child’s health, muscle formation, and physique. During this period, active growth of muscles and bones occurs, while internal organs do not have time to grow so quickly.
Therefore, if you exercise too much, you may experience health problems. Therefore, under no circumstances should a child be dissuaded from playing sports, but it is necessary to encourage them to adjust physical activity and not take dangerous medications.
An example of parental misbehavior is punishing a child. Try to talk to him more and understand. After all, the child behaves badly for a reason; perhaps he is worried about something, he does not know how to behave.

In adolescence, a boy may be completely confused, not understanding what awaits next. Remember that punishment can make the situation worse. It is necessary to form trusting relationships and comfortable living conditions so that the child goes home, not like to hard labor, but to a place where you can share your problems. Try to be an example for your son.

Communication

Features of adolescence at 17-18 years old

This is the final stage of changes: puberty gradually ends, the growth rate of the spine and tissues noticeably decreases, and the craving for the opposite sex especially intensifies, because This is already a post-pubertal period of development. This period coincides with the end of school, the emergence of new responsibilities and the need for self-determination and choosing one’s path in the future. It is now that a teenager begins to recognize himself as a young man, as one of the engines of society. At this stage, it is especially important for parents to be able to talk with their child and be able to direct his thoughts in the right direction.

Psychology of a 14 year old boy

The most difficult relationships with a teenager are observed at the age of 13-14 years. It must be remembered that a child is a separate person, so there is no need to invest your values in him.

Psychology of a 14 year old boy:

There is also no need to force someone to do something or follow in your footsteps. The main task of an adult is to provide freedom so that the child can choose for himself what he wants to do, who he wants to become in the future.
The task of adults is to observe, guide, but at the same time smooth out rough edges, and also minimize the risk of dangerous situations. Pay attention to how a teenager behaves in company.
Is he a victim of bullying or an outcast? The main difficulty is getting the boy to talk. Often at this age, guys are very secretive and are in no hurry to share their emotions.

Communication

Difficulties in raising a teenager

How can you maintain a close relationship with your own son or daughter at a normal level? avoid typical mistakes of overly responsible parents when caring for their children - beloved teenagers .

Stop criticizing based on being older, try to be comrades.
In disputes and discussions, take the position of a confident adult and do not get annoyed by annoying little things.
Let's express our grievances, don't accumulate anger towards each other.
Offer to look for a way out together.

Nurturing a teenager’s personality is a difficult task, but the result in the form of kind and open relationships on both sides is the best reward for it.

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Teenage boy 14 years old: advice from a psychologist

The main difficulty is that now the main authority for the child is not the parents, but classmates, grown-up guys. A teenager may feel disappointed in life and not see future prospects while watching his parents.

Teenage boy 14 years old, advice from a psychologist:

Very often guys at this age lose their incentive. They feel frustrated and threatened. Only in the company of your friends and peers can you show what you are capable of, throw out heroism, as well as aggression.
Teenagers' problems arise due to misunderstandings in family and school. If earlier he listened to the opinions of teachers and parents, now he questions absolutely everything they tell him. The main task is to convey to the teenager that he is the culprit of the incidents and is responsible for them.
Therefore, the choice lies solely with him. At the age of 14, a search for authority usually occurs. The boy finds himself a certain role model. Usually boys want to be like their idol, so their appearance, clothing style, and behavior change.

Alcohol

Mistakes adults make when raising girls

There are just as many mistakes in raising teenage girls as there are in raising teenage boys. One of the erroneous methods is excessive severity. If girls in childhood do not receive deserved tenderness and care from their father and mother, then in the future they will not be able to share the same with their children and family. In raising a girl, as many believe, the role of not only the mother, but also the father is important. If the father is strict in everything and does not show concern for the girl, then the daughter may withdraw into herself and harbor a grudge against the male sex in general. If you overprotect a girl, then this will not bring anything good. Permissiveness, whims, pickiness in everything will complicate her life in the future. Of course, a mother is every girl’s best friend. However, one must not lose respect in the relationship between mother and daughter. After all, if a conflict situation occurs between them, then this will first of all hurt the mother’s feelings. And therefore, in any case, a girl should treat her mother with respect. There are cases when parents wanted a boy so much, but fate gives them a girl. And then men, on a subconscious level, raise a girl to be a boy, and the result is a masculine girl.

Psychology of a teenager 15 years old boy: advice to parents

If the boy is embarrassed by the appearance of dark hair above the lip, suggest removal. If the guy is not yet ready to use a razor, you can recommend waxing or sugaring.

Psychology of a teenager 15 years old boy, advice to parents:

As a result of such manipulations, hair will grow much slower, and coarse stubble will not appear, which will force you to shave constantly. Also listen to the teenager’s opinion, and be sure to make an appointment with the hairdresser. At this age, all guys want to stand out from the crowd and seem cooler than their peers. Recommend a good hairdresser and offer to show the guy the haircut he wants.
A stylish appearance significantly increases self-confidence and improves the relationship between parents and child. It is because of appearance that a large number of complexes arise. Guys often suffer from excessive hair growth.
It is worth understanding that not everyone develops in the same way, so some of their peers will experience noticeable changes; for some, maturation occurs much later. A teenager should not feel like everyone else, special, or be criticized by their peers.
During this period, there is a significant change in the child's behavior. This is due to a change in psychology due to a surge in hormones. The boy begins to feel like a separate person who needs to be listened to. Your main task is to establish a trusting relationship with him and listen to his opinion. You cannot talk about the fact that you are currently the breadwinner in the family, so the teenager must do what you say. This does not work and can cause aggression and separation of the child from adults.
During this period, the boy chooses a leader for himself, as well as people whom he imitates. Most often these are not parents. He often compares himself with his peers, trying on different roles. Don’t be opposed if your child starts to dress creatively or gets piercings or strange hairstyles. This is just a search for yourself, and a way to understand your position in society. Allow the child to do what he wants, as long as it does not harm his health or life.

Communication

Signs of adolescence in boys

The transitional age in boys is also called puberty, this is due to the fact that it is at this time that boys begin puberty. The first obvious signs of adolescence appear precisely in connection with the accentuation of secondary male sexual characteristics, and only then the changes affect the psychological component of the personality. Let's look at the general issues that arise at different stages of the transition period, and then move on to specific age characteristics and issues related to them.

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers

It is necessary to listen to your son and accept his desire to grow up. It is worth listening to the child and making it clear that you seriously evaluate his emotions and experiences. At the age of 13, it is necessary to discuss with the boy certain problems that are considered to be adults.

Advice from a psychologist to parents of teenagers:

It is necessary to gradually wean yourself from perceiving your son as a child. It is worth creating an atmosphere of trust in the house. That is, the father and mother must treat their child with patience and trust.
All guys at that age should have their own space. This does not mean that it is necessary to let everything take its course and give your son complete freedom. However, it is worth remembering that the child may get tired of his surroundings.
It's best if he has his own room and time to be alone. Teach your child to say “no.” Many guys have problems with this in their teens. They want to be like their peers, go to abandoned buildings, unfinished construction sites, or engage in dangerous pastimes at train stations.
Often such teenagers cling to trains. Accordingly, it is necessary to convince the child that this is quite dangerous and it is not worth sacrificing your health, as well as your life, in order to seem the coolest among your peers.

Teenager

Difficult times – “correct” parents

So, in order to maintain a stable and friendly relationship with their teenage son, mom and dad need to stock up on the lion’s share of patience and take some advice from experts who have carefully studied the features of the transition period:

Become your son's friend. Finally, do without moralizing, remember yourself in the same period of life. Don't be afraid to admit your own weaknesses and show your strengths.
Trust. Provide your teenage son with personal space in everyday life and psychological terms. Stop obsessively controlling his actions, tell your son more often that you love and trust him.
Don't criticize. Moreover, any characteristics of the child (laziness, carelessness, forgetfulness, etc.) should not be criticized, but only his actions. The tone of the conversation with the teenager should be calm.
Be interested in his hobbies and opinions. A teenage boy will be happy to talk about himself and his life if he feels that you are really interested in it. It is important to take into account the child’s opinion when resolving any, for example, family or school issues.
Be patient. Restrain your emotions if your son is rude. Do not fan the flames of a scandal, let him “cool down” and talk to him in a calm atmosphere.
Praise. All good deeds and grades at school should be assessed by parents. Tell your son more often that you are proud of him.
Recognize his "I". Accept your teenage boy with all his flaws. Do not impose your beliefs and stereotypical attitudes.

Only parental participation and attention, joint hobbies and active family recreation, sports and creative classes, and daily maximum employment of a boy will distract him from the thoughts of “mortal existence” and help him endure the period of growing up relatively calmly.

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How to raise a boy without a father: advice from psychologists

Particular attention must be paid to adolescents who grow up in the company of only one mother, without a father. Very often in such families there are two extremes. The mother constantly controls the child, becomes fixated on him, and tries to take out her anger because of personal failures. Often, excessive guardianship makes a child dependent. Usually such children become objects of ridicule and bullying by their peers. They are very helpless and do not know how to stand up for themselves.

How to raise a boy without a father, advice from psychologists:

Remember, under no circumstances should you openly express your dissatisfaction and take it out on your child. In this case, he will feel like a burden, guilty of all his mother’s problems. Typically, such teenagers withdraw and are subject to the bad influence of their peers.
If a mother is offended by her father, she should under no circumstances turn the child against him. It is necessary to communicate with the child on equal terms, not to be a mother and father at the same time. In this case, it will be difficult for a teenager to understand what a real woman and man should be like.
In a family where there is no father, it is necessary to find appropriate authority for the child. This could be a family friend, a cousin or uncle, or one of the relatives who often visits the family.

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Without authoritarianism

It is very important not to impose your opinion on a teenager, but to give him the right to choose. Let him decide who to be friends with, how to dress, what music to listen to - all this should be his personal choice. Even if the child makes a mistake, do not scold him. An authoritarian parenting method can only make the situation worse. Even if a child stumbles and upsets you, do not kill his faith in himself. Tell him in a correct manner that his behavior is wrong, but at the same time convince him that he can fix everything himself.

Advice for a teenage boy

Children themselves suffer from the changes that happen to them, painfully experiencing growing up.

Advice for a teenage boy:

In order not to refuse your peers, shift the blame to your parents. Accordingly, if you are afraid to say “no”, or do not want to feel like an outcast, say what your parents forbade. This will prevent you from getting into an unpleasant situation.
Always count to 10 if you want to say something offensive or do something unexpected.
For facts and explanations, turn to your parents.
Your parents were teenagers too, so don't be afraid to ask them for help.
Choose the right and understandable words for conversations with adults. Sometimes parents don't understand youth slang.
Maintain hygiene and cleanliness. During this period, sweating increases and acne may occur.
Don't ignore communication with your peers. But if you don't support their hobbies, or consider their activities dangerous, go home.
Don't shirk your homework and physical labor. This strengthens and prepares for adult life.
Take care of your health. How you feel directly affects your appearance. At first it may seem that there is enough health for children and grandchildren, but this is not so.
Listen to the opinions of your parents and friends, but do as you see fit.

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What are modern teenagers like?

To better understand your child and interact with him consciously, it is sometimes useful to find out more information about the characteristic manifestations of a certain age.

What is characteristic of modern teenagers? What are they?

Like all people, teenagers are very different.

There are many generalized observations and various studies about modern young people. Here are some traits that teenagers have:

Teenagers have a lot of fears and uncertainty because they do not really understand what their future life will be like, how they will earn money, what professions and skills will be in demand, etc.

Modern children are growing up in a world where they do not really understand how their parents make a living. If the parent is a doctor, teacher, turner, electrician, then everything is more or less clear. But for most urban children it is absolutely unclear what their parents do at work and what they are paid for.

Accordingly, it is very difficult for children to “try on” the work of their parents. It’s hard to imagine: what will I do when I grow up? The expectations of parents and schools are also pressing (for example, many children are required to choose a profession at the age of 17). All this puts teenagers under a lot of stress.

Teenagers are very flexible in their reactions. They don’t get stuck in states of “that’s it, I can’t think about anything anymore, I can’t do anything anymore.” They can protest, then go to a cafe, sit with friends, and this switching occurs quite flexibly for them.
Teenagers are much less susceptible to gender bias. They are much less likely to cling to the images of “real man”, “real woman”; see the world more widely and diversely.

Advice from a psychologist on how to help a teenager

At the age of 11-13 years there may be first attempts to try tobacco and alcohol. It is necessary to give the child freedom, but still control his circle of friends. If one of them drinks or smokes, try to gently explain to the child that this is not the best way to spend time. It is very difficult at this age to control their pastime, since they spend most of the day at school. Accordingly, at this time they can communicate with friends.

Advice from a psychologist on how to help a teenager:

Starting from the age of nine, it is best to come up with additional activities for the child to minimize the amount of free time. It has been proven that teenagers whose time is not controlled by their parents are unoccupied and often find themselves in unpleasant situations and bad company. Conversely, children who spend almost all their free time playing sports and attending clubs are less susceptible to peer influence, since they do not have time to think about bad things.
It is necessary for a teenager to have a hobby that calms him down and helps him achieve a state of balance. These can be mental and physical activities. Perhaps this is running your own blog or website on YouTube.
You cannot insist and force a teenager to do something specific. He must make his own choice. Remember that the child is not a copy of you, so he is not obliged to follow the instructions. It is necessary to assign certain household responsibilities to the teenager. This could be washing the floor, cleaning rooms.

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Here you can also read advice on various topics, for example :

How to win people over?
How to love a man correctly?
How to deal with stress and depression?
Why is it important to be able to forgive people?
My husband beats me, what should I do in this situation?

You cannot exploit a child and shift your work to him. However, a teenager must understand that he is a member of the family and has certain responsibilities. He is responsible for his actions, so he can choose what he will do.

Physical activity

Teenagers are recommended to exercise for 60 minutes every day. Aerobic exercise should be your primary activity.

But muscle-building exercises, such as strength training, and bone-building exercises, such as jumping, are also important for good health.

If your teen isn't interested in joining a sports team, don't force it. Help her find what she really wants to do. A daily walk or bike ride, kayaking or swimming may be activities she enjoys more than team sports.

Even if your teen doesn't play sports, there are many activities that can get them moving. You can also make physical activity an activity for the whole family. Go for an evening walk after dinner or go hiking on the weekends.

Limit your teen's screen time and encourage them to spend time outside. Talk about how important it is to keep your body healthy and make it a priority to be a good role model.

Common problems of adolescence

The main trends of advancement in society have become more complex, the rhythm of life has accelerated, and the preference for a hedonic lifestyle has an impact on the development of the modern teenager. In this regard, children often show aggression, passivity or are depressed, and therefore cannot determine the correct moral values and understand the meaning of their existence.

The psychology of modern teenagers differs significantly from the psychology of children and adults. The main value becomes one's own pleasure. Equally important things fade into the background.

The main problems of adolescence include:

- inability to manage anger, passive-aggressive behavior in order to unbalance adults and lack of awareness that arises due to the suppression of one’s emotions.

- emotional instability.

- thoughts of suicide, which are caused by low self-esteem, indifference on the part of parents, depression and a feeling of loneliness.

- intimate attraction to individuals of the same sex.

- teenage depression, which is expressed by depressed mood, feelings of worthlessness, somatic abnormalities and other reasons.