About school phobias: why some children are afraid to go to school and how parents can deal with it. Advice from professionals

Dizziness, stomach pain, vomiting... Filled with fear and despair, some children and teenagers are horrified by the thought of having to go back to school tomorrow. Experts are sounding the alarm - every day the number of cases of school phobias and calls to psychologists with this problem is growing.

School phobia is a psychological phenomenon that can be characterized as a strong fear of school, forcing a child to systematically avoid confrontation with it. It's hard to imagine that school, the most popular place for a child's socialization, can make some students so unhappy.

Many Faces Syndrome

How do you know if your child is truly struggling at their school? Pay attention to physical symptoms: these are manifestations of real panic when going to school, anxiety attacks or severe pain (most often a headache or stomach ache). And then evaluate the verbal signs: the child screams, asks to be allowed to stay at home, threatens to run away, sometimes even threatens to commit suicide. Finally, he always finds an explanation for his fear of school (“the teachers don’t like me,” “other students treat me badly”). In most cases, symptoms disappear on days without school, such as weekends, especially during school holidays.

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Simulation or phobia? How to understand that a child is really afraid of school

“He just wants to go for a walk, he’s a malingerer!” – you can often hear about such children. Indeed, children often look for a way to escape from their school responsibilities and do more fun and interesting things. One-time absenteeism, periodic “inflammation of cunning” may well occur in every child. But when it comes to a real phobia, the following signs are observed:

Regularity of symptoms

If a child consistently begins to show pain symptoms on the same day and refuses to attend school, this is a major warning sign .

If we are talking about a specific subject, then this will be any day of the week when this subject is on the schedule. If the phobia is associated with a school environment, then every Monday or Sunday evening the child will begin to get sick and be completely cured by Friday evening or the beginning of the holidays. However, the symptoms are real . The temperature rises for real, and not from a cup of tea, nausea and vomiting are real, fainting is not fake. The child is really suffering. And the symptoms do not disappear immediately after the door closes behind the parents.

Negative attitude towards school

The child tries to avoid the topic of school or its specific aspects (teachers, subjects, classmates). At the mention of school, he becomes despondent, closes down, and shows symptoms of illness.

Nightmares

Nightmares can also indicate problems with school life. If a child constantly suffers from nightmares, you should pay close attention to this.

This is how the fear of school is described in the novel “Phobia” by Fanny Vandermeersch:

“I hear bursts of laughter. Beads of sweat appeared on his back and temples. My body tenses and my heart races. In front of me is no longer the entrance gate, but a large gray mouth with sharp teeth, ready to grab me as soon as I come forward and close behind me. There's a buzzing noise in my head. Fast. Irregular. I open my mouth, looking for air. I can hardly breathe deeply. My vision is blurred. He's coming back, I can feel it. I'm going to stretch out on the floor again. Shame. They will all look at me and laugh. I take a deep breath, but there is no more air. I'm suffocating..."

A panic attack is a serious test for any person, so you should not treat childhood experiences with disdain.

But who are these children?

Psychiatrists identify two types of children most susceptible to school phobia. Firstly, those who have a sensitive nature and are prone to anxiety disorders. This type includes children who do not tolerate separation from their parents well. These children often suffer from social phobia and panic attacks. They find it difficult to bear the gaze of others, and therefore such children cannot bear questions from the teacher or any humiliation from their comrades.

The second type concerns those who have anxiety - this is a secondary problem. Such children are depressed and suffer from a profound lack of interest in school (this is especially true for children with dyslexia or hyperactivity). They often find that all their thoughts and attention are focused elsewhere, in places where they feel more valued, such as video games or sports.

In addition, modern society requires early professional self-determination from adolescents, which also increases the psychological burden.

Treatment

1. The presence of psychotherapy, namely its play form, is important. It is important that a psychologist from the school where the child attends is included in the process of healing from fear. This specialist will be able to clearly assess the student’s condition directly within the school walls, and will understand the reasons that provoked fear. A school psychologist will teach you how to adapt to school.
2. Group classes that teach communication skills and conflict interactions with other children have proven themselves well.
3. If the cause of the phobia lies in bullying or mobbing, then a psychologist must work with the school staff.
4. Art therapy. An opportunity to get rid of a phobia with the help of art, expressing your feelings in it. There is choreography, drawing, vocals, music lessons, and much more. Often the specialist stops the child’s attention on drawing and asks him to depict his fear.
5. Cognitive behavioral therapy. The task of a psychologist is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The specialist will ask specific questions necessary to determine the extent of the phobia. It is important that the child himself wants to be cured of fear and is interested in recovery. This type of therapy includes two parts: individual sessions (between the student and a specialist) and homework (get to know peers, do school exercises on your own, participate in a class event).
6. When deciding on the use of medications, two important points must be taken into account. First, the age of the patients indicates the need to select a safe medication. Secondly, drugs of this category affect the state of the central nervous system, which is still at the stage of development, so the risk of consequences cannot be excluded. That is why taking medications is permissible in very severe and advanced cases, when the baby is completely unable to control himself. When a mild case occurs, therapy with a psychologist and socialization treatment are sufficient.

It is important that parents understand that spontaneously taking medications is unacceptable. The treatment process should be under the strict supervision of a specialist, and medications, if necessary, should be prescribed on an individual basis, taking into account the characteristics of the child and the advanced state of his condition.

Parents feel powerless in the current situation

It is not easy for parents to understand the suffering of their child. Moreover, they cannot always adequately respond to behavior whose logic eludes them. Any phobia seems absurd to those who do not feel it, and there is nothing more strange than to find yourself in front of a child when he expresses panic and does not hear calls to reason. It is also sometimes difficult to understand the difference between refusing to go to school because it is a source of stress for the child, and truancy, which is more comparable to whims or acts of rebellion against parental authority.

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Parents are the first to be blamed for their child's absenteeism. Yes, of course, they bear a huge responsibility for the child’s attendance at school, but they cannot influence all possible stress factors.

Adviсe

Parents must take a responsible attitude towards the child’s condition and not turn a blind eye to his fears

1. If you notice that your child is showing signs of fear of school, you need to immediately find out what could have influenced this. It is important to talk to him carefully, unobtrusively, to find out what exactly scares him.
2. During this period, it is unacceptable to raise your voice at your son or daughter, put pressure on them, or force them to study under pressure. Such actions will further aggravate the developing situation, because the already depressed state will be reinforced by negative emotions.
3. Your task is to establish communication with your offspring. The child must trust his parents with all his problems. It is necessary to spend more time with the baby and relax.
4. Explain to your child why all children should attend school. Note that you would like your child to be smart and you could be proud of him. Tell your son or daughter that there are many children waiting for him at school with whom he could make friends.
5. Tell your child how you liked to study, what good things happened to you during your school years. You shouldn’t convince your child that everything positive awaits him at school. The child must be prepared for possible difficulties.
6. In elementary school, it is desirable for the mother to accompany and meet her baby, especially in the first year of school. A child needs to feel protected and safe.
7. Problems can arise in unprepared children. That is why it is so important to go to kindergarten and study at home with your child, preparing him for various school sciences.
8. Often the first impetus for the development of a phobia is bad grades. The child literally has low self-esteem. The parents' task is to respond correctly to their offspring's bad grades. With your actions you should motivate your child, and not turn him against school discipline.

Now you know what the fear of going to school is called. Any child can face this problem. The task of parents is to be able to notice changes in their child’s behavior in time, to understand what exactly affects him. Don’t be afraid to seek advice from a psychologist, in particular a school psychologist. It is unacceptable to turn a blind eye to the presence of a phobia in a child.

Meet the teachers

The goal is to collect information about the child's life in the classroom, as well as to inform teachers about his psychological state and introduce the necessary adjustments if necessary. This measure is often tense, as each side tends to believe that the other is to blame - parents accuse the school system of toxicity, teachers suspect that the child has some problems in the family. Try to work with teachers as a team, avoiding open confrontation.

Characteristic manifestations

As with any phobia, fear of school will be manifested by the presence of symptoms of a pre-panic state and panic itself:

• increased sweating;
• tachycardia;
• labored breathing;
• signs of suffocation;
• feeling of tightness in the chest;
• tremor;
• feeling of approaching fainting;
• muscle asthenia;
• pallor of the skin of the face.

These signs are typical when directly approaching the school. In everyday life, a phobia is manifested by increased anxiety and negative statements about the school.

This phobia is also characterized by psychosomatic reactions that can manifest themselves:

• abdominal pain;
• dizziness;
• difficulty breathing;
• nausea;
• general weakness.

Parents must understand that children often translate their psychological experiences into somatic illnesses. They may experience frequent asthma attacks, allergic reactions, and attacks of intestinal colic. Everything will happen for no apparent reason and will become a sign of the child’s psychological distress.

How to prepare lessons?

It is only at first glance that it seems that you have learned it and are ready. For such children, whose bunny ears immediately grow near the school board and the tail that appears from somewhere on their back is shaking, proper preparation is a real help in coping with stress.

• So, in a familiar home environment, knowledge is always demonstrated easily and without embarrassment. Who does your child give a report to? Or is he alone in his room reading a book, and you are fully confident that this is how it should be, waiting for the results? From another child - yes, you can expect it, but not from someone who has such a fear of a public response. Let's find grateful listeners and create an audience. Mom, dad, grandmother, and even a long-eared pet can become those listeners who will help train the ability to pull themselves together. Yesterday's kindergarteners, who just came to 1st grade, are ready to sit dolls and soft toys so that they listen carefully to their lessons.
• Psychologists advise that when preparing homework, you must retell them, even if you have already set your teeth on edge and think that you know everything. Repetition - you know, mother... And at the same time, also use a mirror, observing from time to time how you look from the outside.
• You must present your oral answer in detail. Such advice is given to athletes before competing. You need to imagine the situation in all its variants, even think about what will happen if it fails. How to hold on and not lose your temper, where you can make a mistake and how to immediately correct this mistake, what to answer to the bully Petka, how to resist the arrogant gaze of the nerd Vaska and how to gracefully get out of the situation in front of that same Tanka. People call this “laying straw.” When you know what awaits you, it’s only half scary.

And when a satisfied and happy child with the coveted A or his solid B returns home, it is important not to forget this success, but to consolidate it, having sorted out all the details again and in a good way, to remember the pros and find the cons and not to stop, but to work further. And everything will definitely work out!

Brilliant answers to you at the board!

Your “SchoolLa” :)

Learning to be bolder

So, we seem to have dealt with the “culprits” of fears, now we just need to understand how we can help our children so that they become a little more confident in themselves and do not give in to the school board, teacher and audience.

• As we have already noted, the simplest reason for reluctance to answer, because the granite of science does not give in, is resolved quite quickly. Parents already attract tutors in the 2nd grade, who quickly cope with the task, and the previously silent child already goes to the 3rd grade with the intention of publicly shining with his knowledge. The main thing here is not to waste time before the hole in knowledge becomes so large that it can no longer be patched right away.
• When refusal to give oral answers is associated with speech deficiencies, the advice of psychologists boils down to one thing: quickly see a speech therapist and neurologist. After all, correct speech is not only necessary for studying, it is necessary in principle for life, so that unnecessary complexes do not form.
• When the reason lies in the excessive demands of parents, mothers and fathers will have to admit their mistake and reconsider their views on the values ​​of relationships with school, built through school grades. And the result will not be long in coming: children’s anxiety about being reproached for mistakes will disappear over time, and activity will go up.
• You will have to solve problems with an overly eloquent, rich in “compliments” and emotional teacher together. Only a conversation without accusations in the direction of cooperation can change the situation. After all, very often the teacher, due to his busyness, does not even notice that his remark has become the cause of fear in the child. Many parents even agree that the shy student will not be called to the board at first, but will answer oral lessons directly “in the ear” of the teacher during breaks. Why not? It all depends on what kind of “mare” you drive up to your teacher and how clearly you can explain the essence of the problem.

Prerequisites

In general, only a few can not worry when standing at the blackboard in full view of the whole class, when every word you say echoes like a ringing drumbeat within the walls of the school office in complete silence. And even then, I think, there will be a case when even those who are so self-confident “knees shake.” But not everyone is able to cope with such a situation, and the ability to “pull yourself together” sometimes takes years to develop.

The answer on the board is just like public speaking or an artist’s performance on stage. Do you think they don’t worry?! And how! But they cope with their emotions by going out in public.

Psychologists usually have two main reasons for not answering in class. This is shyness and fear of doing something wrong.

If in the first case a timid child is the result of the peculiarities of the nervous system, when melancholic and phlegmatic people are more exposed to stress and negative emotions than others, then in the second case it is more often the result of existing experience when something somewhere went wrong.

As a result, from the 1st grade, the habit of failure accumulates over and over again. Is it necessary to pull the blanket over yourself, raising your hand, being unsure of victory in advance?

But there are also provoking factors that can “shame the reputation” of a seemingly self-confident student.

• First of all, this is insufficient knowledge of the material. But this, I will immediately note, seems to be a completely frivolous reason, easily correctable. Intensive preparation for lessons saves you from your own ignorance and a “loud fall” in front of the teacher and classmates, and all fear of answering at the blackboard quickly passes.
• The second factor that encourages you to remain stubbornly silent when asked may be a speech deviation. This problem is already more serious. Upon arrival at school, many children still pronounce sounds incorrectly, some have a lisp, and some stutter. Accompanied by ridicule from classmates for an oral answer, this becomes a real obstacle.
• The third reason not to answer in class is to be among the outcasts. Yes, strained relationships with classmates are one of the provocateurs of “know and keep silent.” No matter how brilliant a child is, if he is not accepted by the class, there will be a thousand reasons to ridicule his merits and failures. What remains for such an outsider? That's right, stay away and show less of yourself.
• Another provoking factor is the demanding nature of parents. Yes, dear parents! With your “why not five?!” you deliberately push your student into a corner where he is not ready to come out, so as not to miss again and not get a “four”. It’s better to have an empty school diary than unnecessary marks for mom and dad.
• Incorrect behavior of the teacher is also the reason why children are not ready to answer verbally. How does the rude tone of a boss who does not allow us to get a word in? How does the rude tone of a boss affect us? What if the remark was made in front of colleagues? Well, children react in approximately the same way when teachers reprimand them: “You don’t know, sit down, be silent!”, and this despite all the honest people, and even with mockery and ridicule!

Forming communication skills

Try to avoid negative constructions. Convince from your experience or give vivid examples:

• You know that Baba Yaga was very beautiful in her youth? It’s just that now she has become old, she doesn’t take much care of herself, no one cares about her, she lives alone and is angry at the whole world all the time. That's why it looks so scary. But in fact, she is very unhappy (we appeal for sympathy)/perky (show the song from the cartoon “The Flying Ship”)/smart (read an excerpt from the fairy tale where Yaga gives advice to travelers).
• And as a child, I was also afraid of other children, and dad was afraid.

  But my dad and I became friends and became a family! Can you imagine if we sat like beeches in different corners? (emotions, facial expressions and the mood of parents in such dialogues are the main active force).

If the child’s fears fit into age norms, and rare manifestations of fearfulness do not disturb the peace and sleep of the family, then parents are quite capable of independently coping with the psychological and pedagogical task:

First grader doesn't like school

When a child moves from kindergarten to first grade at school, he goes through a period of adaptation to new living conditions. Gets used to the new requirements and tasks that school sets for children:

- during the lesson, sit at your desk and not be distracted,

- focus on the teacher’s words and what he writes on the board,

- follow a routine: wake up, go to school, go to classes and breaks at the same time,

— build relationships with new adults and children.

How long will adaptation take? This is individual for each child. For some it will go away in two weeks, but for others it will take months or even the entire first year of study. Not every child easily and quickly copes with such difficulties, so at this time the child’s reluctance to attend school is natural. The task of parents is to provide a “soft” adaptation period for the child, to help cope with new living conditions.

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How to help?

For younger schoolchildren, the daily routine is important. The child should get enough sleep, not feel tired, and not overwork.

It is better not to combine starting school and offering your child additional household responsibilities. Additional clubs and activities should be dosed. This is especially true for children who play professional sports.

In the first stages of education, it is important to assist the child in completing homework: draw up a schedule of study and rest during the day, adhere to the time frame for completing homework, sit down with the child to complete homework, help in the process, gradually transfer to your son or daughter the skill of organizing schoolwork. activities (“at the beginning we do it together”, gradually the child will learn “on his own”).

Emotional support from an adult at this stage is important so that the child has a reliable back and so that he can always turn to his parents for help.

How to help a child if he is being bullied

Start with a conversation. Blaming someone for weakness and inability to communicate, ridiculing, or downplaying the situation is a big mistake. Next time, the child will not respond to a request to talk about the circumstances.

Listen carefully - the information you receive will help you determine how serious the situation is and take appropriate action. Perhaps at the beginning of the conversation the child will be withdrawn or irritable; most likely, the offender has intimidated him with a strict ban on reporting bullying. Provide a sense of security, explain that help is needed for everyone who is somehow involved in the conflict. Don't blame the oppressor or yourself, think about how to fix it.

Teach how to counteract aggression at school. Develop a plan for responding to the bully that will stop him or let him know that the victim can stand up for himself. Practice a difficult situation in the form of a game, inform the child in which situations he should immediately contact an adult. If these are verbal messages - an angry facial expression, indecent gestures, it is better to show indifference.

Thus, the aggressor will understand that the messages are not producing the desired effect, and he will lose interest. Verbal threats, blackmail and humiliation can also be ignored, but if they do not stop or are supplemented by physical actions, a response cannot be avoided.

Beating, pushing, spitting, robbery, destroying or damaging property require the strictest punishment. Physical aggression is aggravated by the inability to respond to provocation, crying or sudden escape encourages the attacker to humiliate for fun. Statements like “you have nothing to do” or “leave me alone” will not help here, so immediate intervention from an adult is required.

However, such a method as a complaint to the parents of the offender is not recommended; first of all, educational staff and the school psychologist should find out about the problem. Leave the fight against the young “criminal” to the school, do not forget that aggressive behavior is the result of many factors - neurological abnormalities, dysfunctional or single-parent family, lack of attention, etc.

In this case, both your baby and the young “scoundrel” need help. You should not use violence against the aggressor (sometimes desperate parents act this way), and you should not be aggressive towards school employees.

What to do if a child is bullied at school:

• keep a record of all violent situations reported by the victim
• tell the police if your child is beaten or robbed
• meet with the class teacher, talk about the situation and ask what actions will be taken. Declare your readiness to cooperate
• remember the agreement with the teacher and his decision
• contact the teacher several times if bullying continues at school
• when the teacher’s measures do not produce results, schedule a meeting with the director, describe the circumstances and the measures taken
• if aggression worsens (the methods of the director and teacher are not effective), contact the body supervising educational institutions with a request to investigate the child’s case and evaluate the school’s activities in solving problems of violence
• notify the regional ombudsman for children's rights if all of the above does not resolve the conflict.

In addition, find a good psychologist who will restore your child’s self-esteem and teach him how to properly communicate with ill-wishers. Check if there are other parents with a similar problem, unite to solve it through common efforts. The option of transferring to another school is not the best, you can meet unpleasant people in popular private institutions, as a last resort, consider transferring to another class.

Eliminate ridicule not only with a dialogue plan for all incidents

If a student is laughed at because he dresses poorly, buy new clothes or let him choose what fashion dictates (for the social world of young people, this is very important)

Not a good student? Pay attention to knowledge, work with your child yourself, find explanations on the Internet or hire a tutor. Are they teased about their glasses? Match with a fashionable frame or shape

Ask your child what would change the attitude of classmates, such as playing sports. Look for a way out together, become a reliable friend, this is the best way to help resolve any conflicts.

Why doesn't the child want to go to school?

Often the parents of a future first-grader see their task as teaching him to count and read, and to develop the skills of perseverance and obedience. Meanwhile, there is one more absolutely necessary condition - the child must have sufficient experience of communication, experience of living in a group of peers.

Why does a child suddenly refuse to go to school, not yet really knowing what awaits him there? Because he is not confident in himself, in his abilities and is pre-set only for failure. Of course, the reasons for this uncertainty may also be external. Kids are very trusting, suggestible, they take on faith any words of their elders (even if the elder is only three or four years older). And these “elders” often put on airs in front of the kids and exaggerate the difficulties and troubles they encounter at school.

It happens that adults, through thoughtlessness and carelessness, turn out to be the cause of fear if, in stories about school, they emphasize too much the severity of discipline, the difficulties of learning, if they too often and clearly feel sorry for the child who will have to get used to “all this.” Does this mean that children should only be told about the attractive side of school life? No - because they will actually have to face difficulties

The main thing is that you must show your child: work overcomes difficulties; Any task or assignment can be accomplished, you just have to make an effort.

And a child can find the true measure, a true test of his strengths and capabilities only in a group of peers. Of course, our opinions and assessments are important and significant for him; but whether they are true, whether they are fair - this is checked in communication with peers. A child who is not internally tuned to such communication may be developed and intelligent - and yet will feel insecure; any exam in front of an audience larger than dad and mom will seem difficult to him.

Have you looked closely at how your daughter behaves in games with other children? Does she feel confident, or, on the contrary, is she too compliant and passive, or does she generally prefer to play alone? The latter is already bad: games with peers are simply necessary for the baby. Really, it’s easier to once again sweep and clean up after the children than to subsequently anxiously watch the child’s helplessness and shyness.

In joint games, the baby learns to compare and measure his efforts with the efforts of others and defend his rights. True, this is not without difficulties. The feeling of envy and hatred, as a rule, is unfamiliar to young children, but the desire to succeed can hurt the child’s pride, lead to an exaggeration of the spirit of competition in the game, and then he strives in every possible way to achieve first roles, not really understanding the means (and the use of force , and attempts to humiliate the opponent by scolding and teasing him). A strong, well-developed child does not need to go to great lengths to determine his place in the group. A weak or simply shy child is forced to be more creative in the choice of means.

The desire to avoid failure here often leads to evasiveness, cunning, and cowardice. This is not surprising: shyness and timidity are often combined with very strong (albeit hidden) pride and increased sensitivity to everything that happens. A child, for whom any reproach, joke, or ridicule means a great deal, is just as sensitive to any praise or approval.

Remember this and use moderation here. But whenever some kind of effort was required from the child, even a minor one, do not forget to approve or somehow note it. And most importantly, help your child develop a good-natured, humorous attitude towards what is happening, let her understand that children's teasing and ridicule are evidence of weakness rather than superiority.