A hypocrite is a cunning and insincere person. He pretends to be kind and enjoys the trust of others.
Such a person is sincere with some people, but laughs evilly at others. Likes to gossip behind one's back.
Hypocrite - who is it?
Ostentatious simplicity is subtle hypocrisy.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
- 1. How can you tell if you are a hypocrite?
- 2. How to react to a hypocritical person?
- 3. How to deal with hypocrisy within yourself?
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Who is a hypocrite?
A hypocrite is a two-faced person who tends to justify his immoral and immoral actions with good goals. At the same time, the commission of the same actions by others causes condemnation from the hypocrite. The opposite of hypocrisy is sincerity. Sincere people, unlike hypocrites, sometimes say unpleasant things to your face, but do not spread gossip behind your back.
Hypocrisy is a completely natural behavior pattern dictated by the survival instinct. Our psyche contains patterns that were formed in prehistoric times. It was not easy for primitive man to obtain a high rank in the tribe, and our ancestors had to resort to various tricks, including lying and being a hypocrite.
Thus, hypocrisy is a natural instinct inherent in each of us. And everyone used it at least once , so as not to offend a loved one or avoid an unpleasant situation - this is normal and even welcome. But real hypocrites are always two-faced , and this is their main line of behavior. They don't care if they offended anyone. They use hypocrisy exclusively for “self-defense” and for selfish purposes.
Signs of a hypocrite
To understand once and for all who a hypocrite is, let's look at the most common signs of a true hypocrite. However, having one of them does not mean that a person is a hypocrite. You can draw a conclusion if a person combines several of the listed 10 signs at once.
So, a hypocrite usually gives himself away by:
1. Constantly criticizes people, loves to gossip, especially if he notices that the interlocutor is interested. Never demonstrates sincere admiration for people who are not nearby.
2. Does not hide disrespect for ordinary people, but treats successful individuals very respectfully, often with admiration.
3. Doesn't try to help. But if he knows that he can get a certain benefit, he will help demonstrably (and then he will regularly remind you of this).
4. Uses feigned (and often inappropriate) flattery to gain trust.
5. Promises a lot. Offers help when he is sure that it will be refused. If someone still asks for help, the hypocrite definitely has urgent matters to attend to.
6. Boasts of his usefulness and irreplaceability, loves to talk about the good deeds he has done,
7. Often deceives , even when it makes no sense. And even the understanding that those around him know the truth does not make him feel awkward.
8. Likes to brag about his knowledge of other people's secrets. Gives them away freely, without experiencing remorse or feelings of shame.
9. Tells different versions of the same story to different interlocutors. Often the interpretations are opposite. For example, he tries to “play off” two acquaintances, maintaining good relations with both.
10. Incapable of admitting that he is wrong.
The more of the listed signs you notice in a person, the stronger the tendency towards hypocrisy and conscious duplicity manifests itself in him. It is better not to get close to such people. If this is someone from your company, behave as casually as possible. Show a sense of humor and healthy self-criticism - this will help you maintain good but neutral relationships and avoid becoming the target of gossip.
What is hypocrisy?
Most often, a pretender is not easy to recognize immediately. The deception is revealed after everything that is needed is received from the victim. Or it happens by accident. Therefore, in life you may need practical advice on how to recognize a hypocrite. Attentiveness and healthy skepticism will help here - you should not take for granted everything you hear from unfamiliar people, especially if they are talking about themselves. Learn to distrust - it has helped many people avoid unpleasant situations. First you need to take a closer look at the person, observe his actions, and only then draw your own conclusions.
Signs of hypocrisy:
- Different behavior when surrounded by friends, colleagues, or at home;
- Words and statements do not match actions;
- Accusations directed at others and complete justification of one’s own actions;
- When exposed, hypocrites deny their own claims, making up excuses as they go;
- The victim image that hypocrites like to wear evokes pity among others and allows them to manipulate others.
There is a category of people who are in a hurry to help others, do charity work, sign up as volunteers and in every way create the image of “Mother Teresa”. Why did we mention these people making the world a better place? Because, looking at some very “correct” people, the question arises: is altruism hypocrisy or not?
It would seem, where do such thoughts come from, since the guys are making every effort for the benefit of those around them? They are ready to share their last shirt with a homeless person and donate all the money to help poor homeless animals. This is true, but not always. Most young people do this out of sincere and pure motives, but not all. So-called altruism may be false, and all good deeds are done for self-affirmation.
Lies and hypocrisy are not combined with real sincerity. The pretender will serve a bowl of soup to a homeless person with a smile on his face, seething with hatred and contempt in his soul. A kind grandson takes care of an elderly granny who dotes on him, and he does it only for the sake of the apartment. And if grandma leaves an inheritance to someone other than him during her lifetime, the dear grandson will turn into a cruel tyrant capable of killing the unfortunate old lady.
Hypocrite people show their true colors in extreme circumstances. If you have suspicions, create an unusual and provocative situation that allegedly threatens the well-being of the pretender. He will quickly lose his composure and you will see his true intentions.
Why do people become hypocrites?
As noted above, hypocrisy is a natural instinct inherent in each of us, but not everyone becomes two-faced. There are several main reasons that make people hypocrites:
Fear of punishment or condemnation
It happens that parents punish their child for every offense. He understands that it is impossible to be so perfect without upsetting his parents. from childhood he especially if he sees that the parents themselves are far from ideal, but they demand from him that he study well, play sports and play the violin. As they grow older, this childhood habit develops into constant hypocrisy. A person develops an internal feeling that duplicity is an excellent defense against conflicts.
Principle of least resistance
Telling the truth is not always comfortable. Hypocrisy allows you to avoid discomfort in any situation, and also appear nice, kind, fair and principled without extra effort. This type of hypocrisy is characteristic of almost all politicians (otherwise they do not stay in the political arena for long).
Following social norms
It is important for every person to be a full-fledged unit of society - this need is embedded in our genes. There are certain moral standards that we must live up to in order to be “normal.” And people begin to be hypocrites in order to comply with the rules of the society in which they live. Even basic politeness is a form of hypocrisy.
Reluctance to offend
If we always sincerely commented on everything we see, maintaining good relationships with loved ones would be more difficult. Situations in which you need to choose soft words to communicate something to a person arise quite often. And usually no one strives to become a “truth-teller.”
Selfish motives
Those who act hypocritically for profit usually receive the greatest condemnation. It is self-interest that leads a person to the worst form of hypocrisy - situational. In every situation, he strives to choose the best mask. He grovels before his boss, but when he is absent, he discusses and criticizes him in communication with his colleagues. This type of pretense is easy to notice by noticing how much a person’s behavior changes in different companies and circumstances.
Origin of the word
Who is a hypocrite? The answer is often associated with the theater. The meaning of a word is related to the action that took place in it. In the ancient Greek theater, actors during the performance expressed the feelings of the hero by wearing certain masks. This was done in order to evoke the right emotions in the public.
The meaning of the word “hypocrite” in Russian is associated with two ancient Slavic words: “face” (“face”) and “mena” (“men”). Literally, this combination can be interpreted as a change of face masks. Later, the second component began to be pronounced as a measure. As a result, hypocrisy acquired its modern sound and meaning.
How to deal with a hypocrite?
There are different degrees of duplicity, and the reasons for hypocrisy are always different. If you understand what a hypocrite is, then you know that most people resort to such behavior not out of malice, but out of habit or fear. Besides, no one is perfect. You can't judge people for being duplicitous, because we are all insincere sometimes for various reasons.
If you notice that a person is bragging and taking credit for certain skills or achievements, most likely he is doing this so as not to look like a loser. He has a complex about real achievements, so he tries to exaggerate them. If at the same time he does not spread gossip and does not criticize anyone, then simply let him wear this “mask” and paint the picture of reality that he likes.
If you see that a person is changing his behavior in order to gain trust, be careful with him. Don't trust him with secrets, try to talk about neutral topics. If you notice a tendency towards hypocrisy in a loved one, try to get him to be as sincere as possible with you. Convince him that he can trust you. In this case, even if he maintains his duplicity with other people, he will be honest and open in communicating with you.
An excellent way to develop your communication skills with hypocritical people (as well as other unpleasant personality types) is the Emotional Intelligence course from Vikium. It consists of 20 lessons and is designed to develop skills for effectively interacting with people. This course will help you:
- resolve conflicts effectively;
- maintain equanimity in difficult situations;
- notice signs of deception during dialogues;
- learn to manage your emotions;
- increase self-confidence;
Emotional intelligence is the skill of identifying, understanding and managing your emotions, as well as recognizing the emotions of others.
After training you will be able to:
- detect lies at work and in your personal life;
- see empathy and the manifestation of hidden emotions;
- “read” the interlocutor;
- do not show your emotions;
- see manipulation;
- establish personal relationships;
The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev. He is the director of Paul Ekman International in Russia. Paul Ekman is a world expert in the psychology of emotions, deception detection and nonverbal behavior.
How to react to a hypocritical person and how to confront him
When we encounter some undesirable traits in others, we too often try to do something. In reality, action is not always reasonable and justified. Christ read his speech denouncing the Pharisees for the reason that he considered their role detrimental to the true spiritual development of all people. Most likely this is an exception to the rule. There is no need to try to change someone or fight with someone without any particular reason. We must understand, remember, but not resist. It is impossible to deceive someone who firmly sees how everything really is. And in any case, our behavior should be reasonable and not contradict personal principles of morality and ethics.
If a hypocrite encounters a lack of emotion in the audience of his psychological performance, then he loses the point of continuing his game. The best way to treat him is to ignore all his efforts
