28.02.2021 3055 0
Many future parents, expecting their first child, imagine an ideal picture from some movie, where a charming baby smiles exclusively or sleeps sweetly. But when the time comes, they have to learn that babies can still cry. And even more often than they could imagine. During the first months of life with a baby, it is not always possible to understand what causes the tears, but gradually parents begin to understand what the child requires.
In the future of the child, there will definitely be less crying, but still, throughout childhood, we have to calm our baby thousands of times. Some children cry less often, some more often. But we can definitely say: crying is a completely normal reaction of a child. Why? Now we'll tell you.
Reasons for crying in children under one year old
If we are talking about children in the first year of life, then there are a huge number of reasons for tears. It’s easier to say that a child does not cry only when he is fed, warm and has had a good night’s sleep. Over time, many parents even begin to distinguish crying by intonation and understand what the baby wants at a particular moment. The most common causes of crying in children under one year of age:
- hunger and difficulties with feeding (incorrect technique for attaching to the nipple, uncomfortable position when feeding, etc. - discuss with your pediatrician or lactation consultant);
- need for a feeling of security;
- uncomfortable environmental conditions (too cold or, more often, too hot; low level of humidity in the room; light level; loud sharp sounds - be sure to check all the parameters, children are very sensitive to this, and the younger they are, the more important they are for children) ;
- it's time to change the diaper;
- health problems (tummy pain/colic, ear pain, teeth cutting, irritation in the diaper area, stuffy nose and others - if the first four points are excluded, be sure to consult a pediatrician for advice).
Separately, I would like to say about the need for a feeling of safety for the child. The need for safety is basic for all children. Think for yourself: for 9 months the baby was in your belly, where it was warm, dark, quiet; the child felt that he was under your protection. But at one moment everything changed, and now he is already part of a huge world where everything is unfamiliar. This is a huge stress for the baby. Therefore, especially during the first month, it is literally vital for the baby to feel your presence, your warmth, your touch in order to help him get acquainted with new conditions for him. Therefore, do not be afraid to often take your child in your arms, kiss him, stroke him (leave the canonical phrase “become tame” in the past). It is thanks to you that the child will understand that this new world is not so scary, because there is someone nearby who will take care.
What to do if the baby cries?
— It is undesirable to leave a child alone with his problem. If he cries bitterly, he needs help. If you hold him in your arms, he may not calm down immediately, but he will definitely feel safe.
A baby who cries alone for a long time gets used to the fact that no one needs him and his needs do not matter to those close to him. Because of this, passivity, low self-esteem, and distrust of others are formed. Force feeding or putting him to sleep is no less harmful for the baby.
And the quick, adequate reaction of adults to a child’s crying, repeated day after day, leads to the development of a strong attachment and a positive attitude towards himself. As research shows, this is the key to full development in the future.
Why you shouldn't be afraid of children's tears
Kozhanov Artem
Psychiatrist, father of many children
“The older the child gets, the easier it is for him to tell him what happened and why he is crying. After a year, children can hold their tummy or ear, and we understand what the problem is. Yes, all this is still accompanied by crying, since tears continue to fulfill their “signal” mission and emphasize the importance of your help.”
It is important to remember that at any age, tears are a way to attract attention, and there is nothing wrong with that. In case of illness - to save life, speaking in a global sense, in all other cases, to convey to parents - “I really need you to be around.” In addition, tears are often a form of child protest, a reaction to a ban. For example, you do not allow your baby to play with the socket, ask him to do something else, and as a sign of your disagreement, the baby begins to cry bitterly. Or, noticing that the child’s feet got wet during a walk, say that it’s time to go home. An annoyed baby can also throw a tantrum, which will be accompanied by “crocodile tears.”
You should not reproach yourself for bringing your child to tears, thereby destroying the attachment between you (as adherents of the exaggerated theory of attachment often say), that you are a bad parent, and it would have been better to follow the child’s lead. No, you are a strong, caring adult who wants the best for your child and acts in his best interests.
Children 3-4 years old
The whims of a child at this age are a completely normal reaction to insult or stress. He cannot yet cope with emotional stress “correctly”.
And just now the child is entering another age crisis, which begins at 2.5 years and ends at 4 years. A difficult period for both the baby and his parents. Psychologists also call it a crisis of negativism. It was as if the child had been replaced. He is capricious, whiny, irritable, and answers “no” to everything.
Psychologists say that this is a consequence of the formation of the baby’s own “I”. Unconsciously, he tries to separate himself from mom and dad, to prove to them that he can do everything. This is where real revolts against the rules established by parents come from - screams, hysterics, tearful whims. The child cannot yet prove his independence in any other way and defend his opinion, he freaks out and yells. And some flaws in upbringing only aggravate the situation - for example, excessive strictness of parents.
A 3-4 year old child already understands quite well what “good” and “bad”, “impossible” and “possible” are. The baby is quite capable of cunning manipulations, which is why he is often capricious. He managed to understand that loud tantrums in the supermarket usually help to “beg” for toys, and tears on the playground will certainly extend the time of the walk.
A capricious child aged 3-4 years is a signal for parents, a call to reconsider their approaches to parenting. Where did it all start? At what points does a child become unbearably capricious?
The root cause will go away, and the “wrong” behavior will stop.
It is important!
Try to convey information to the child in a confident, calm tone, without shouting or giving in to emotions.
Approach your child, hug him, say out loud what he may be feeling right now, and reassure him, but be sure to remain consistent with your opinion. Be confident in your actions. Sometimes a child reacts with tears to failures: he can’t assemble a construction set, he lost in a competition, or he got a bad grade at school. To avoid excessive emotions in children, build healthy self-esteem from a very early age. Don’t get hung up on victories, praise for any undertaking and for any result. If you see shortcomings, gently and carefully tell your son or daughter about it, the child must understand that not everything always works out, and that’s normal. The sooner this is learned, the more likely it is that the child will cry much less often over trifles.
Lack of attention from adults is a separate issue. In the age of total busyness at work, absorption in social networks, conflicts between parents and eternal fatigue, there may be no time left to communicate with the child. The main thing is to be well-fed, dressed for the weather and not sick. But for a child this is far from the main thing. Real communication with parents, contact with them, the feeling that you are not alone is also a basic need of a child (evolutionarily, people live in tribes). Therefore, when the baby realizes that he is not the focus of adults’ attention, the following message emerges from the depths of the subcortex of the brain: “You can cry, and they will pay attention to you.”
And so it begins - hysterics out of nowhere, tears for any reason, unreasonable whims. Obviously, it is neither possible nor necessary to “dissolve” in a child 24 hours a day (independence must be developed in parallel).
How to deal with hysteria?
Let your child be independent
Never do for him what he can do himself. When choosing clothes, leisure activities, and menus, discuss possible options together and take his opinion into account. If the requirement is absurd or impossible to fulfill, explain clearly why this cannot be done.
Give up total control and allow your child to make his own mistakes. Gently point to them, show them how to do it right, but he must do the rest himself.
Stages of a child’s psychological maturation
A child’s behavior directly depends on the level of brain development. In early childhood, neural connections are formed, which in the future will determine the basic skills of a person: speech, motor skills, memory, reaction. In infancy, we learn about the world around us, learn to interact with living beings and objects.
Let's look at the main stages of growing up that parents should know about.
- Infancy (from birth to 1 year). The most active period. At 12 months, a newborn learns to understand simple speech and the purpose of objects. The child stands, walks, and tries to pronounce his first words. The foundation for further personal development is laid.
- Early age (from 1 year to 3 years). The child depends on his father and mother, but strives for independence, finding his own “I”. Establishes cause-and-effect relationships between things. There is a noticeable desire to communicate with other children. The period ends with a crisis at the age of three: the dominant phrase in speech becomes “I myself!”, the baby throws tantrums, manipulates, gets what he wants at any cost. The main goal is to gain personal space and set boundaries.
- Preschool age (from 3 to 7 years). A long period of childhood. The child’s social circle is expanding: relatives, friends, teachers, casual acquaintances. Play becomes the main activity. With its help, social roles, beliefs, and views are determined. A crisis arises at the age of five, which we will talk about in more detail.
- Junior school age (7-12 years). Education plays an important role. Children gain social status and determine their area of interest. There is a transition to abstract-logical thinking.
- Teenage years. The physical development of the body is completed. Puberty is accompanied by rebellion, a rejection of old principles. A person develops a new system of judgment and matures.
Treatment of depression
This condition should be treated by a specialist: namely, a pediatrician or a psychiatrist. Only one of them, having correctly assessed the situation, can prescribe drug therapy.
Symptoms of fundus pressure, methods of traditional, surgical and folk treatment
Typically, antidepressants are used to treat this condition:
- Fluoxetine
- Paroxetine, etc.
They have a calming effect on the body. Medications combat obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. These drugs cause virtually no side effects.
Depression in children of different age groups is also treated with cognitive behavioral therapy. It combines a change in thinking and correction of behavior. This therapy helps the child fight psychological problems and negative emotions, as a result of which the child adapts more easily to society.
Among the tasks of individual psychotherapy is preparing a school-age child to correctly express his emotions, talk about fears, traumas, and overcome such difficulties.
If quarrels or problems with mutual understanding arise very often in the family, or parents cannot find a common language with their child, only psychotherapy will help with this.
A child cries a lot in his sleep – isn’t it time to see a doctor?
Violations are assessed using special questionnaires. This test helps identify the problem and assess its severity.
| Parameter | Description |
| Laying resistance | Sleep disorders due to incorrect setting of limits. The child flatly refuses to go to bed, behaves restlessly, and requires the obligatory presence of an adult when he falls asleep. |
| Difficulty getting sleep | Causes: mental disorders; sleep hygiene errors; neurological disorders (restless legs syndrome). |
| Night awakenings | The baby does not sleep for a long time and cries. The cause of the problem is incorrect associations. To fall asleep, a child needs conditions that are unavailable at night (the constant presence of parents). |
| Sleep duration | Both the total sleep time per day and the duration of night sleep are assessed. If a child sleeps little, this has a detrimental effect on his nervous system. |
| Difficulty waking up | The baby refuses to wake up in the morning. His parents have great difficulty getting him out of bed. Reasons: disturbed sleep, gaps in education (difficulty setting limits and managing behavior). |
| Daytime sleepiness | During the day, the baby complains of loss of strength and constant fatigue. The child is lethargic and sleeps while walking. Roots of the problem: a disease that interferes with proper rest at night (restless legs syndrome); mental disorders; neurological disorders. Excessive daytime sleepiness may be a sign of narcolepsy. |
| Breathing disorders during sleep | Highlight: primary snoring; combination of snoring with difficulty breathing due to increased airway resistance; obstructive sleep apnea (snoring, frequent awakenings due to respiratory arrest). |
| Restless sleep | The child tosses and turns and often shudders. This prevents him from resting properly. |
| Parasomnias | Undesirable events that accompany sleep, awakening or falling asleep. These include: night terrors; sleepwalking (sleepwalking); nightmares (the baby often screams and moans in his sleep); enuresis (involuntary emptying of the bladder during sleep). |
In order to assess the daily routine, parents are asked to fill out a diary. The doctor is interested in what time the baby goes to bed, how long it takes him to fall asleep, and whether he wakes up during the night.
In complex cases, instrumental studies cannot be avoided. Modern equipment will help you quickly identify the problem and begin treatment.
Diagnostic methods
| Polysomnography | Registers during sleep: movements of masticatory muscles and eyeballs; brain activity (in the form of electrical impulses); leg muscle contractions; air flow (during breathing); breathing movements of the abdomen and chest; saturation of tissues with oxygen; ECG. |
| Actigraphy | Studying the cycles of rest and activity using a special sensor. |
| Sleep latency test | During the study, the child is given the opportunity to fall asleep 4 or 5 times a day for half an hour. At this time, the necessary measurements are made. The test determines the degree of daytime sleepiness. |
| Infrared video camera | Used to observe movements in the dark. |
After a thorough examination, the doctor prescribes treatment.
Screaming at parents' prohibitions
“It is very important to be patient and consistent.
Under no circumstances should you cancel the decision or requirement that caused the hysteria. At the moment when a child is screaming or even rolling on the ground, there is no point in calming him down, calling him to order, or threatening him. You just need to wait out this moment. Do not respond to insults; hand raised to strike - firmly stop! You can take the baby under your arm and take him to a less crowded place. Important!
If your child often falls into unmotivated rage, destroys everything around him, hits others, cannot calm down for a very long time, etc., you need to consult a neurologist. The cause of increased aggression may be neurological disorders that require diagnosis and an individual treatment plan.
When the baby calms down, you need to take pity and caress him. Be sure to say how much this behavior upsets you.
