3.3. Manners (styles) of communication

How do you behave in society? Are you trying to be an educated and kind person? Have you paid attention to your way of communicating? This is a very important part of the impression you make on others. How should you behave to look smart, interesting and charming?

Definition

The manner of communication is a multi-component image. What is it made of? From the timbre of the voice, from the ability to control one’s speech, facial expressions and gestures. The interlocutor evaluates his opponent not only on the basis of his speeches, but also on the basis of how the person behaves. In 10 minutes of personal communication with a person you can learn much more about him than in six months of correspondence. People can make a good impression with their behavior, or they can ruin their self-image. Moreover, it is not the content of speeches that plays a big role here, but their design. Sometimes it’s much more pleasant to communicate with a lovable fool than with a struggling intellectual.

Communication styles

The image that a person intentionally or unintentionally demonstrates is the manner of communication. In different situations, a person can wear different disguises. These are called communication styles. What are they?

Disparaging. A person who wants to show his contempt for his interlocutor will demonstrate this with a mocking tone or obvious coldness of behavior. Disdain is visible when one person tries to quickly end a conversation, because he considers his interlocutor an unworthy type with whom it is not worth communicating.
Comical. This style of communication is popular with friends. Friends can make fun of each other, throw witticisms and laugh together at the awkwardness that arises.
Serious. When talking to a person, you can judge his manners. The communication style that the interlocutor chooses can tell a lot about him. If your opponent does not joke and does not give in to provocations, he wants to appear before you in the guise of a serious person. This style of communication is preferred in the business world.
Flirty. A girl who is talking to a young man she likes can openly flirt with him. This style of communication is appropriate for both strangers and friends. But you need to keep in mind the environment in which the conversation takes place.
Friendly. Two people who are mutually attracted will talk to each other in a friendly tone. They will joke, ask questions and listen carefully to their interlocutor.
Business. This style of communication can be found in any organization. Subordinates communicate in a business style with their superiors, and they, in turn, communicate with the directors of the company.

Types of communication

The manner of communication is an indicator of a person’s upbringing. A person who knows how to behave in society demonstrates his good upbringing and education. What types of communication exist?

Direct. When two people communicate with each other, a dialogue arises between them. This type of communication is the most common. Direct communication is not only a dialogue, but also a discussion. For example, at a conference of the board of directors, each of those present has the right to express their opinion on the topic raised.
Indirect. This type of communication is much less common. A dialogue between two people or a conversation between several people takes place through an intermediary. This usually happens when interlocutors communicate in different languages and use the services of a translator. But it also happens that people communicate in their native language through an intermediary. Such an incident can happen to those individuals who have had a serious fight and cannot stand each other’s company.

Image and manner of communication

The way a person carries himself says a lot about him. When he selects or develops an image for himself, he should not lose sight of his manner of communication. For example, a girl who wants to deserve to become a significant person in a man's business must behave seriously. Flirty behavior will not give her a chance to be perceived as a business partner by her interlocutors. The image of a modern person, language, speech, manner of communication - all this is interconnected. Look at how a person behaves and you can definitely tell about his profession. After all, it is the field of activity that leaves its mark on a person. For example, a successful manager will act relaxed in any company. He will not be shy about meeting people and talking to them openly. But a person who works with documents, and not with people, may be a closed person. It will be difficult to bring such a person into dialogue.

Business communication manners

What kind of person do you think is serious? Such persons have a good understanding of the correct manners of communication. A person who wants to be taken seriously will try to appear serious. His gestures will be open, but at the same time his gaze and voice will be tough and authoritative. In this way, the person will express his self-confidence. A person who wants to succeed in the business world must be able to maintain composure in any situation and not succumb to all kinds of provocations. The communication manners of a business person come down to friendliness, frankness, open gestures, confident movements and authoritative intonation. Communicating with such a person will be pleasant, but at the same time scary. It will seem to the interlocutor that his opponent is taller and stronger. Moreover, a business person should inspire this on a subconscious level, and on a conscious level, the conversation should be easy and pleasant.

Basics of social etiquette

Weddings. Children's matinees. Funeral. Parties. They all have their own rules, but who can remember them all?

Luckily, it's pretty easy. The etiquette of communication between ladies and gentlemen invited to participate in special events boils down to the following distinctive features:

1. Know what to expect

Each event will have its own rules. Take some time to study them.

2. Carry some cash with you

For example, in restaurants or bars, the bill is sometimes paid by the organizers, and sometimes divided among the guests. Ideally, organizers should communicate this in advance.

But it's best to always have enough cash on hand to share the burden of payment if need be.

3. Talk little

Resist the temptation to be the person who makes toast after toast. Of course, if the situation calls for it, do it, but otherwise leave the talking to others.

Your contribution should be limited to polite conversation with other guests.

4. Give the organizer credit.

Thank the organizers for the invitation and give them your smile.

Good communication manners

What are the different communication styles? They will be different for each type and style. But the most classic division is good and bad. What manners can be called good?

Correct speech. A person who speaks well deserves the attention of others. It’s interesting to talk with someone like that, he can tell you something interesting. And if such a person tells ordinary things, his speech will be music, since it is correct.
Politeness. Good communication manners are established in childhood. Communicating on a first-name basis with strangers, the ability not to interrupt and to hear what the interlocutor is saying is highly valued today.
Courtesy. You need to be not only polite, but also loyal. Keep in mind that not all interlocutors will have the same opinion on the same issue. If your opponent does not agree with your arguments, do not try to convince him of anything, let him remain unconvinced.
Listening skills. Etiquette and manners of communication are based on mutual respect. You must not only listen to your interlocutor, but also hear what he says. Most people don't know how to do this. They wait for a pause in the interlocutor's speech to talk about themselves.

Advice for future “society ladies”

Naturalness!

Simplicity and naturalness! But - in moderation. Not the kind of simplicity that is “worse than theft,” you understand. Just be yourself and respect yourself. Then you won’t have to hide your complexes by giggling loudly at the movies or walking around in a daze from your inability to start a conversation with the guy you like. If something surprises you, be surprised! If it makes you happy, smile! For yourself, not for others. People around you will immediately notice a sweet girl with a bright and clean face, open to the world and emotions.

Restraint

Pay attention to how members of the British royal family behave, for example. They are always calm, friendly and benevolent

They smile with their eyes, rather than baring their teeth. In this regard, our pop stars, unfortunately, are not an example. Let's try to act like Kate Middleton! Friends will immediately notice and appreciate the change for the better.

Politeness

Always and towards everyone. Not only to the dean at the institute or the boss at work. But also to colleagues, classmates, neighbors, janitors, the crowd waiting for the train in the subway. Do you know what Renata Litvinova (who is undoubtedly an example of excellent manners) says? A truly beautiful and intelligent person never shows off these qualities. He is unfailingly polite and willing to help. He values himself and, as a result, those around him. And one of the “signs of a real Parisian” is that he says “bonjour” to everyone he meets (that is, he says hello). I hope you convinced me?

Curiosity

If you don't know something, never hesitate to ask! What utensil to take to an oyster restaurant, how to put on the most fashionable exotic hat, how to get to the library... It’s not a shame or a sin not to know something. A person is given his whole life for self-development and learning.

This is only the basis of social etiquette, the basis that every self-respecting girl should know. By studying, understanding and accepting the rules of good manners, you will make your own life more colorful, beautiful and worthy of respect!

Bad manners

Keep yourself in the spotlight. A person loves to talk about himself. But if you want to be a polite person, then you shouldn't do this. Talk about others. Let them feel that you care about their opinions and their life story.
Gossip. Do you want to be known as a cultured person? Then get rid of the habit of gossiping. Do not pass rumors on to others and interrupt your interlocutor if he tells you false facts about the lives of your mutual friends.
Mat. A person's culture is known by the way he speaks. If a person cannot connect two words without swearing, it means that this person’s vocabulary is surprisingly poor.
Increased tone. If you want to earn a person's trust and sympathy, you should not shout. You can prove your opinion in a quiet and calm tone. If a person breaks down, it means that he has run out of arguments and he uses the only remaining remedy - intimidating his opponent.
Neglect. Don’t show a person that you don’t like him, it’s not nice. All people had different upbringings and different fates. You shouldn’t treat someone less fortunate than you badly.

Summary

Brand tone (or tone of voice) helps create an emotional connection with the audience, demonstrate the company's values and increase awareness.
You need to choose your tone. Copying other brands will play a cruel joke - you will remain in their shadow.
To choose the tone of voice, refer to the core of your brand: remember or write down your values and mission; write down what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how it helps improve the life of your target audience.
Tonality is an attribute of a living person. To make it more realistic, create a brand persona: tell us what he would look like, what he is interested in, what his character is.
Write down the brand characteristics and give them a detailed description. Set boundaries. For example, if a brand is fun, it should not slip into buffoonery.
Gather as much information as possible about your audience. Create a target audience persona. You must know the client well.
Based on the information collected, select a tone that will allow the brand persona to effectively communicate with the target audience.
Conduct an audit and see how your current tone matches what you learned during the search for a new one.
Include all information in the brand's tone guidelines so that employees understand how to communicate on behalf of the company. Give examples for different situations and channels.
Do not confuse the tone of voice of a brand with the intonation of specific messages. Consider the context of communication.
Don't be afraid to make changes in tone. You develop and change - this is a normal process. Only the core of the brand should remain unchanged: the reasons for its creation, values and mission.

Facial expressions and gestures

How does a person convey information to the interlocutor? He conveys some part verbally, and another part non-verbally. Facial expressions and gestures sometimes speak more eloquently than words. The manners of communicating with people can be developed consciously. Of course, at first it will be difficult to control nonverbal signals. But over time, you can train your gestures. For example, when you communicate with people you don’t know, on a subconscious level you want to close yourself off from them. But don’t follow your body’s lead, don’t cross your arms or legs. Take open poses. Thanks to this simple trick, you will feel relaxed, and your interlocutors will perceive you as a confident and sociable person. If something amazes you in your opponent’s opinion, you don’t need to paint it on your face. Vivid facial expressions are appropriate when talking with friends, but not when communicating among unfamiliar people. Some individuals may perceive your dumbfounded appearance as disagreement with their position in life.

What are the rules of etiquette

The concept comes from the French word “etiquette”, which means a set of generally accepted rules of behavior, knowledge of the basics of politeness. There are several main types of etiquette:

the ability to present oneself: the formation of a wardrobe, grooming, physical fitness, gestures, postures, posture;
speech form: ability to give compliments, greetings, gratitude, manner of speech;
table etiquette: ability to eat, knowledge of serving standards, table manners;
behavior in society: how to behave in an office, store, exhibition, museum, restaurant, theater, court;
business etiquette: relationships with superiors, colleagues, business negotiations.

Rules of good manners for men

If a representative of the stronger sex values his reputation in society, he will always observe moderation in clothing. Shorts and T-shirts are appropriate for a family dinner or during a country vacation. For an informal setting, sports or classic clothes are suitable, and for business meetings a tie and jacket are required. As for good manners, it will not be difficult for a well-mannered man to politely nod in response to a greeting even from a stranger. How to communicate with a woman, superiors, and relatives will be discussed below.

Modern etiquette for women

The first rule for a woman is tact in all situations. Etiquette lessons involve behaving respectfully with everyone, be it your neighbor, your business partner, or your front door cleaner. If a woman likes to joke, then she should clearly determine in what situation you can allow a joke, and with whom you need to be serious. It is necessary to observe a culture of communication with the opposite sex. You should not flirt, make advances or make eyes at men you don’t know or know – this is a violation of etiquette. Politeness presupposes simple communication without intrigue, gossip and rumors.

Etiquette standards for children

Rules of behavior in society also exist for children. Future success, career, and environment will depend on the knowledge that a child receives in childhood. The simplest methods for mastering the rules of etiquette are reading fairy tales, watching cartoons, using board games on a given topic, and humming songs. The basic rule of politeness for a child is respect for all adults, children, and animals without exception. Everything else flows smoothly from this.

Person's character

How much can you learn about the person in front of you? Communication manners will introduce your interlocutor to you much better than he can do it himself. If a person speaks loudly, smiles at the same time and is not afraid to ask awkward questions, it means that in front of you is an easy-going person who has a courageous character and a cheerful disposition. A person who speaks in a low voice and looks at the ground is an insecure person who is clearly uncomfortable in your company. A person who speaks loudly and does not give you the opportunity to speak is a power-hungry person with leadership habits.

Tips from professional actors

Courses in acting, the psychology of influencing people, or the psychology of business negotiations will help you master the art of competent nonverbal communication, develop the correct structure of speech and gestures when communicating, and master manners. Training in these courses and courses of a similar focus begins with mastering oneself, getting rid of pressures and complexes, studying the psychology of communication and developing the ability to understand people.

Professional actors are people who, due to their profession, constantly have to try on other people's characters and non-standard situations. An actor's bread and butter is persuasiveness, and it is achieved by deep penetration into the psychology of the character. Here are the basic rules for proper communication with people from professional actors:

Keep your distance. It’s a rare person who feels delighted by familiarity, so don’t rush to switch to “you”, it will always be done in time. In addition, each person has a personal space (within a radius of half a meter), which can only be violated by close people.
Smile. A smile is the surest sign of goodwill and good intentions. When you first meet, a person unconsciously evaluates you for possible danger. This assessment will directly influence his expectations. If you want him to calm down and relax in your company, smile at him.
Maintain eye contact. Direct eye to eye contact means openness and a desire to make contact. Any communication begins with visual contact, do not neglect it.
Watch your speech and gestures. Be neutral in everything: do not speak too loudly or too much, and avoid excessive gesticulation.

The listed criteria for proper constructive communication can help you out in any situation, even if the dialogue doesn’t go well initially. hcILCCmHrVs

Purpose of communication

Why do people talk and how does it affect the way they communicate? By the way your opponent presents himself to you, you can understand the goal that he wants to achieve through dialogue. If a guy speaks in a polite, flirtatious tone with a girl, then he wants to establish a closer acquaintance with her. If a person talks to you in a businesslike tone, it means that he simply needs to find out some information from you. A person who jokes with you may have several goals: to rise at your expense in the company, to make people laugh, or to cheer you up. Of course, the purpose of communication must be considered in a specific context and understand how familiar the opponents are.

Getting to know each other: introducing people to each other

There are situations in which formalities are unnecessary. There are also those in which you need to represent your interlocutors according to all the rules. In any case, if you have any doubts that people are strangers, you should definitely introduce them to each other. Just by name or with a more detailed representation - depends on the situation. Talking to someone in the company of another person to whom you are not introduced is considered bad manners.

Remember an important rule: it is better to overdo it than to seem downright impolite. So, for example, in the worst case scenario, you will once again introduce people to each other who already know each other

But this is much less critical than not presenting them at all.

How to develop good communication manners?

Education must begin from childhood. Children need to be taught communication manners from an early age. How to do this?

Read more. A person who reads has a wider vocabulary than a person who receives information from the Internet or television.
Listen to your interlocutor. You need to train yourself and your children to listen to your opponent. You must understand exactly what idea the interlocutor wanted to convey to you, and only after that form your response. Many people cannot understand such simple rules of the game, and therefore it is difficult to talk to them.
Watch the gestures. Use your hands when talking. Don't be afraid to gesticulate actively. Your broad gestures will show your interlocutor that you are an open person who craves communication.
Watch your speech. Be sure to think about what you say. Learn to choose your words. Clear your speech of obscenities and parasitic words.
Watch your intonation. Never raise your voice. Work with your tonality, find the middle and speak in it.

Basics of social etiquette

How should a person who knows etiquette behave in everyday life?

Features of everyday etiquette

1. “First others, then you”

The happiness of your loved ones matters, and your actions can affect it. If you follow this point, you have grasped the essence of etiquette.

2. “No” to complaints!

Don't allow yourself to become negative. Complaining publicly won't make you a better person, even when it comes to something everyone around you hates.

Smile, shrug, and change the conversation to something more positive.

3. Small steps

Consciously do small good deeds. People will notice. These days they will be surprised.

It could be:

Hold the doors;

Meet people with a smile, boldly looking into their eyes

No matter who is in front of you, a cashier, a clerk or a bartender, acknowledge their presence. In appropriate situations, offer a handshake;

Dress carefully;

Use names when addressing someone.

These small actions make the difference between ethical and unethical people. Ethical people are crazy easy, they do all these actions without even noticing them.