Types of listening in psychology, techniques, styles of active and passive

The concept of listening in communication psychology

To successfully interact with society, it is necessary to develop not only the speech apparatus, but also the ability to correctly listen to a person. Listening and speaking are fundamental skills that enable you to develop verbal communication.

The essence of the technique is to have the most positive and responsive attitude towards the interlocutor, which increases the chance of universal understanding. Interest is the most important technique for developing active listening, knowledge of which will allow you to gain trust from a person and reveal more information about him.

In turn, listening is a procedure of concentrated understanding and perception of auditory and visual stimuli, as well as the unconscious attribution of symbolism to the information heard.

Active listening is characterized by the skills:

• Understanding. A detailed decoding of information coming from outside, which occurs by assigning the most appropriate meaning, in other words, comprehension in those categories that are understandable to a person.
• Concentration. The process of high concentration and interpersonal perception of multiple symbolic definitions coming from the senses. Characterized by the subsequent selection of the most important images due to a specific phenomenon.
• Critical listening or analysis . Is the process of determining how true the information said is.
• Response. Characterized by an appropriate response to what is heard, including verbal and nonverbal communication. Gives you the opportunity to evaluate information about your own personality - behavior, character, level of empathy, etc.

Active listening depends on parameters such as personality type, intellectual development, age, culture or gender of the person. Also, numerous professions are associated with the ability to listen, including: salespeople, psychologists, teachers, consultants and others.

In the role of business communication, listening skills are especially important, therefore, during training, special techniques are often used that develop the ability to correctly and effectively perceive information.

Using such techniques, the ability to quickly support an interlocutor develops, which increases the importance of the individual.

When communicating with children, listening allows you to better understand their fears and prejudices, which, if approached incorrectly, can be harmful. Seeing that the parent is capable of understanding, there is a high chance that the child will learn to solve his own problems.

Research in psychology indicates that listening skills are developed differently among people. Thus, it has been experimentally proven that on average, 47-50% of the time is spent on listening, 16-30% on speaking, and 15-18% on analyzing information.

Interestingly, most people rate listening skills at 80-85%, but numerous studies indicate high effectiveness of understanding data only in 20-25% of cases. That is, ¾ of the information is lost.

Assessing your listening skills

Before you start improving your listening, evaluate what you are already good at and where you can improve. When it comes to listening, there are five main directions or intentions of listening:

• remember details;
• understand the big picture;
• evaluate content;
• pay attention to subtle clues;
• empathize with the speaker.

Below we will describe all these areas in more detail, and you, in turn, take a piece of paper and arrange them in descending order, where number one is what you are currently good at, and number five is what you you pay the least attention.

Remember details . Everything is simple here, you know how to remember names, dates and other specific information. If you're good at the board game Trivial Pursuit, then you can probably name remembering details as your number one listening skill.

Understanding the big picture . This means that you can understand the general meaning of something even if you cannot remember specific details. If you always understand what the key ideas are when you listen, then this is one of your strengths.

Content evaluation . Here you not only listen, but also evaluate the content of the conversation. For example, when you listen to what a salesperson is telling you, do you simply agree with everything he says, or does your critical thinking kick in and you begin to doubt what you are hearing?

Pay attention to subtle clues . Listening is not just an auditory process. Much of the meaning of a message depends on the nonverbal cues the speaker gives us: facial expression, body language, tone of voice. Are you good at noticing and interpreting these body language cues?

Empathy for the speaker . Certain situations require us to deeply understand the emotional state of the speaker. Consider it your strength if you recognize emotions and can easily tell when someone is upset, angry, embarrassed, happy, and so on.

Now that you've identified what your listening strengths are, let's talk about why this skill set is important to our overall listening abilities and give you some tips for improving your weak areas.

Improving listening weaknesses

Detail retention is our ability to listen to specific details that a speaker says and then retain them. This type of listening is useful when your boss is giving you instructions on a complex, multi-step task that you must complete. We need to listen to the details when people give dates that require us to act.

If remembering details is an area you want to improve, then try the following steps. When someone speaks to you, evaluate whether you need to listen to details at this stage. Ask yourself, should I act on this information now or later? What information do I need to remember to take this action?

Answering these important questions will help you decide what level of listening you should focus on. If you don't need to act on the information, for example your colleague is simply sharing his observations, then understanding the big picture or empathizing will be a more appropriate and effective method of listening.

However, if you often find yourself in situations where recalling details is important, try the following practical strategies to improve this skill. Listen to the weather forecast without looking, and then see if you can remember the daily temperature for that week. Try to achieve some success in this.

Next time, try taking notes when someone gives you instructions on how to complete a specific task. Perhaps your IT professional can tell you how to clear the cache or how to create a macro in Excel. Then try reading the written instructions to the person or completing the task based on the notes you took.

There are situations when details, on the contrary, distract us. If we focus on the details, we may miss the important point of what is being said. Sometimes it helps to focus on the overall vision, the mission, the big picture. Have you ever noticed people who, after a long meeting, can clearly describe the essence of the meeting in a few words? These are the people who can listen and understand the big picture.

Ask yourself, how would you explain the information to someone outside the organization or specific conversation? When you can clearly and concisely explain an idea to someone who is even unfamiliar with the information, you likely understand the big picture.

In addition, you can practice understanding the big picture by attending a lecture and writing afterward about the main ideas presented. If your explanation goes beyond three sentences, then you're probably focusing too much on the details. In this case, you should improve your ability to understand the big picture.

In daily communication, we most often use evaluative listening. This type of listening occurs when we have to form an opinion after gathering information or choose between two positions, or when we have to evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of a proposal.

In the business world, appreciative listening is essential to ensuring the viability of the organization and finding opportunities for future growth. If leaders do not listen critically and weigh available information, then the decisions they make may be wrong.

Regardless of your listening style, ask yourself the following questions: Is the speaker making a compelling argument? Is the evidence it provides credible, timely and relevant? Are both pros and cons presented? Is any of the information misleading?

An excellent venue for teaching appreciative listening is the news or sports commentary. In both cases, the announcers present the facts and then during commentary they present their analysis of the situation. Listen to each of the arguments, claims, evidence and arguments presented.

At the end of the news release, decide whether the opinion presented is also your opinion, or whether you have your own counterarguments and point of view. Evaluative listening requires discipline and focus only on the content. Give yourself time to compare, contrast and make a decision based on what is presented to you.

When we talk about understanding subtle clues, it's all about reading non-verbal cues that are vital to conveying meaning. In many cultures, direct verbal communication is not the norm. Many things are left unsaid and listeners must read between the lines.

Some nonverbal cues are very subtle and difficult to decipher.

Learning to read subtle signals is an important listening skill. If you are not that good at this skill, then watch people. This can be done while sitting in the park or while watching various TV shows. Soap operas are best for this exercise, but try to figure out the plot.

Another everyday thing you can do is walk into a meeting where you don't know the participants or their positions and try to figure out who's boss. As mentioned earlier, subtle clues are very difficult to pick up on. So try to find a mentor who is quite good at this skill.

Empathy takes time and energy, but it is worth it because it builds a relationship between you and the speaker. When you look at an empathetic listener, you see that they mirror the emotions and even the body language of the speaker. Empathetic listeners engage in the listening process to better understand the emotions and feelings of the speaker.

We previously wrote about understanding the big picture, so an empathetic listener listens and paraphrases both emotion and content. It is a way of listening that can build trust and respect between both parties.

Empathizing with the speaker is important when you are dealing with conflict situations between members of your team, with employees who report to you, or simply listening to a colleague who is very upset about an issue. If you listen with empathy and demonstrate understanding of a difficult situation, you can diffuse emotions or even calm a frustrated customer.

Empathy begins with the language in your head as the listener. While you listen, put yourself in that person's shoes and experience their feelings. Be fully immersed in the listening process without judgment or distraction. Try to mirror the speaker and, if you speak, use affirming responses such as “I see,” “Yeah.”

If you are participating verbally in a conversation, use the following sentences: “Tell me more about this,” “I understand why you are so upset about this,” “Is this the first time this has happened?” and others.

As you listen, remember to respect the speaker's feelings and don't use phrases that invalidate them, such as, “It's not that bad. Don't be upset about it" or "Everything will be fine."

Frequent practice will improve your skills, and it is best to do this in situations that are not too emotionally draining. For example, listen to a colleague talk about a situation that happened to his friend or listen to a neighbor talk about a situation at work.

Empathy will make you stand out at work and in your personal life. Recognize when it's necessary and put your skills into practice if you want to become a better communicator overall. But it is important to remember that you must correctly apply the discussed methods to the most appropriate situations.

Types of listening, features and examples

Types of listening in psychology are 5 main varieties, which differ from each other based on the quality of analysis, perception and timely response to the information heard.

The use of a certain type helps to improve the quality of information perception, which is why it is often used during business meetings.

Male and female active listening

Based on gender characteristics, there is both male and female listening. In the first case, the information is perceived most carefully, including comprehensive observation and analysis of the data obtained, active discussion of the subject of discussion, reflection and the presence of clarifying questions.

Male listening is often used during business meetings, conferences or negotiations. Feminine listening differs from male listening in increased emotionality and openness.

In this case, empathy is used, which allows you to become closer to the interlocutor, causing the necessary trust, as well as sympathy for the problems described. Such communication is dominated by an emphasis on feelings and the emotional component, rather than the amount of information expressed.

Directed or critical listening

With this type of listening, the participant in the conversation first makes a critical analysis of what he heard, starting in advance from the intention of verifying the information received. In other words, an analysis of the veracity of what was said occurs, after which the individual understands whether he agrees with another opinion or not.

Critical analysis is characterized by the quality and value judgments about the correctness of what the interlocutor said, that is, statements that can be supported by facts.

When listening critically, the following processes usually occur:

• clarification. Are there significant facts that support the wording heard, are they truly relevant;
• assessment. A relationship is drawn between logical conclusions and the evidence base;
• definition. Is there other information that could reduce the quality of the conclusion?

Such listening is used when an important decision needs to be made, unfamiliar experience is discussed, or certain points of view are expressed in discussions, meetings or work meetings.

Critical listening is ineffective in situations where new data is discussed or the learning process takes place (lectures, reports, lessons). The psychological attitude of rejecting the information received does not allow one to listen to it, which is why valuable data may go unnoticed.

Empathic Listening

Types of listening in psychology associated with empathy represent an individual's ability to respond emotionally to the experiences of other people. With this type, the participant in the conversation places the main emphasis on “reading” the feelings of the interlocutor, giving little importance to the words spoken.

Types of listening in psychology related to empathy:

• Empathic response . Characterized by the presence of observation of another person and the subsequent experience of various emotional reactions that are similar to expected or actual expressions.
• Sympathetic response . Represents a feeling of participation, care, or compassion that is directed toward another individual in the context of a situation or problem. It differs in that the opponent is not inclined to direct empathy. Correct sympathetic understanding is characterized by the development of emotional signs such as anxiety, pity or grief.
• Taking a different point of view . Refers to putting oneself in another person's shoes, better perceiving their point of view, problem or any other thoughts.

Empathic listening is generally not characterized by the presence of advice or value judgment of the interlocutor. At the same time, the person does not seek to moralize or criticize the information received.

When developing communication skills, this type of listening can be effective in the context of obtaining positive emotions from the interlocutor - joy, self-confidence, hope for a better outcome, pleasure, etc.

It may also be ineffective when, during a conversation, the subject feels negative emotions - fear, grief, sadness or disappointment.

Conscious observation of a person will allow you to focus on such important manifestations as verbal and nonverbal communication, through which you can learn more about the emotional component of the problem.

Non-reflective listening

Types of listening in psychology associated with the ability to minimally interfere with the information being expressed, with a high focus on the problem, are called non-reflective.

The ability to silently and carefully perceive information, without interfering with the context with one’s own remarks or remarks, greatly facilitates the speaker’s process of self-reflection and expression.

Types of listening in psychology, example - non-reflective listening.

Non-reflective listening when communicating with a person who has speech impediments gives him the opportunity to focus on the subject of the conversation and speak better. This type of listening is also effective with interlocutors who experience negative emotions, feel the intensity of passions, or are too preoccupied with a problem.

When delving into the process unreflectively, you should not use negative reactions, and also ask additional questions and ask the person to calm down and say that everything will get better someday.

This can cause frustration or indignation, because in an affective state, the interlocutor is not capable of adequately perceiving information.

Reflective Listening

Reflective or active perception of information is a type of listening in which the reflection of the information received in the conversation comes first. This type presupposes an analysis of the data received during the conversation, as well as a quick response to it using leading questions.

This type of listening, according to many psychologists, is the most effective and constructive, because when it is used, the so-called organization of interaction develops.

This affects the two-way understanding of opponents - both speak more meaningfully, information is checked and clarified.

The most well-known techniques that distinguish reflective listening from others are frequent clarifications about the correct understanding of the information being expressed, which occurs through leading questions: “Do I understand what correctly?”, “Otherwise, did you want to say...”, “Maybe you meant in sight?

Using the techniques described above allows you to provide two interlocutors with adequate communication, which eliminates various pressures or barriers between them. This also allows the subject to form the idea that the individual in front of him is equal to him.

The use of reflective listening skills will significantly help someone who has a “victim” position, which will allow them to knock an authoritative interlocutor out of a leadership position, thereby elevating the conversation to average and equal communication.

Common Listening Mistakes

In business and casual communications, there are several common listening errors that need to be avoided. Among them are:

• Interrupting a communication partner during a conversation (many people interrupt each other unconsciously, managers often interrupt their subordinates, and men often interrupt women);
• Hasty conclusions that force the dialogue partner to take a defensive position (this immediately creates barriers to constructive dialogue);
• Hasty objections that arise in case of disagreement with the statements of the speaker. Often a person does not listen, but formulates an objection in his thoughts, waiting for his turn to speak. Next, he gets carried away with justifying his point of view, not noticing that his partner was trying to say the same thing;
• Unsolicited advice, which is often given by those who are not able to provide real help (here it is important to determine the desire of the interlocutor: joint reflection or receiving specific help).

Active Listening Technique

The main techniques of active listening are the ability to capture the essence of what is being said, and, if possible and willing, to help the interlocutor. Full mastery of the techniques is achieved through constant practice.

The most popular techniques:

• Repetition. Clarifying questions and repeating what the interlocutor said. Concentration on the main points of the dialogue.
• Encouragement. Increased interest, expressed in the desire to listen to a person. Particularly important are qualities such as goodwill, responsiveness, and lack of value judgment.
• Reflection. Understanding the emotional component of a person. The ability to copy gestures and facial expressions of the interlocutor, which allows you to increase mutual understanding and express interest.
• Generalization. Summarizing what your opponent said. It is a concentration of everything said based on the main, main idea. A compromise is possible.

Also in practice, there are methods that allow you to transform passive listening into active listening.

Thus, active or reflective listening is a technique that is characterized by two main components: the primary clarification of the true meaning of the conversation and the manifestation of reflexes that will confirm the value of the conversation.

With a feeling of self-importance and genuine interest, the opponent begins to experience greater interest in the conversation, becoming more open to conversation. All this develops friendly communication, trust and creates the basis for better relationships.

Empathy is the most powerful enhancer of all active listening techniques, which allows you to quickly establish good contact and promote openness in a person. Before performing the techniques, you should work on the empathic component.

Difficulties in Effective Listening

When we try to listen carefully, a lot of things happen in our heads. Sometimes we are overwhelmed with thoughts, and sometimes we are too tired to follow the flow of the story. There are five specific tasks that occupy our minds:

• mental filters;
• multitasking;
• distraction to deliver a message;
• information overload;
• inappropriate answer.

We'll start with mental filters because this is the most common problem with good listening. These filters automatically sift through the massive amount of information we are exposed to every time and try to sort, organize, prioritize and make sense of everything in order.

These filters develop over time as we gain specific educational and professional experiences. Sometimes we begin to look at the world through the prism of our own experience. When we listen, we tend to hear what we expect to hear, regardless of whether the speaker said it or not.

Our mental filters need a good cleaning if we react emotionally to certain words, phrases or topics. Our perceptions, our strong beliefs and assumptions about reality can ultimately complicate our ability to listen openly and without preconceptions.

So, whether the filters are caused by previous experiences or deeply held beliefs, we must be able to put our assumptions aside in order to listen and understand better.

If you find yourself mentally finishing someone's sentences or creating a rebuttal in your head while listening, know that this is a sign that your mental filter is clogged and needs a good cleaning.

Multitasking is a huge barrier to good listening. These days, when we are constantly connected to everyone at once, it is so tempting to allow ourselves to be distracted. Author Marshall Goldsmith defines great listening as the ability to make another person feel like they are the only person in the room.

More and more research shows that multitasking actually harms, rather than helps, our efficiency and productivity. One such study proved that people actually make more mistakes and slow down their overall work time when they try to switch between tasks. We already wrote about this in an article on time management.

When someone comes to you with a desire to tell a story or discuss work issues, you have two options: put everything aside and listen to the person, making it clear that he is alone in the room, or ask to meet a little later when you have dealt with urgent matters. Remember that multitasking, tempting as it may be, is not your friend if you want to be a good listener.

Have you noticed how your interest in a speaker changes when he often says a long “m” or “uh”? Or when the narrator constantly jumps from topic to topic, making the story completely uninteresting? This is called message delivery distraction.

How can you be less distracted while delivering? Remind yourself that you are not going to judge the speaker's abilities. Change your thinking and focus on content. Make sure you're really focused on the content by forcing yourself to rephrase what you said. When you force yourself to listen better, you become less distracted by the complexities of delivery.

If the speaker speaks too quietly, quickly, mumbles, or has an accent that is difficult for you to understand, should you pretend to understand him? Of course not. Ask for clarification if you don't understand someone. Or ask them to speak more slowly, and perhaps paraphrase what was said.

Real listeners don't pretend to listen. True listeners listen to understand. Don't let delivery stop you from being a real listener.

Try to remember a time when you attended a lecture and took notes for yourself. Has it ever happened to you that you are trying to keep up with the lecturer, trying to take more notes and catch every word he says, but thereby falling further and further behind and less grasping the essence of the speech, and, in the end, you switch off and think about something else? ?

You've lost to information overload, but you can win this battle with some note-taking experience. You have to be very selective about what you write in your notes, otherwise you'll fall behind and miss more than you hear.

What should you put in writing? It depends on how you use the information you hear. When learning, you want to see the big picture; you want general principles, not specific facts. But if you are asked to act on this information a little later, you may remember the details, so jot down some of them.

Remember that we have five basic areas of listening, and we should always know what kind of listening is required in a particular situation. Once you decide what type of hearing you need, you will take notes accordingly.

Thinking about how you will use the information you listen to will help you know what to write down. Find a note-taking method that works for you and stick with it. One popular approach is the Cornell method.

Just experiment until you find what works for you, and remember: never use a sentence when you can use a phrase, or a phrase when you can use a word.

Let's assume you've managed to avoid all the listening problems we've just described. But how you react to what you just heard when the other person stops talking tells that person a lot about you as a listener.

Let's look at some of the most common mistakes people often make:

• Take everything personally . This is also called an “autobiographical response.”
• Criticize . Even if it's subtle, if you disagree or criticize someone immediately after they finish speaking, they will never think of you as a good listener.
• Give advice without asking . We all have the temptation to give advice to others. Of course we want to be helpful, but giving advice when we're not asked doesn't demonstrate that we're good listeners.
• Focus on facts, not emotions . If we focus our attention on the details of a story and lose sight of the big picture or the speaker's feelings about the situation, we may not be good listeners, even if we have caught all the details.

Interference with active listening

During a dialogue, a person may encounter certain difficulties that will interfere with the correct perception and accurate visualization of the information received. Such interference arises from one’s own experiences or thoughts.

Various distortions during a conversation can interfere with the perception of the interlocutor, reducing concentration on the subject of the dialogue. The most popular difficulties include a drowsy or dreamy state. Also, with high criticality, the opponent may not perceive information from another person.

There are some errors that indirectly affect listening:

• Inventing arguments or answers, which increases the chances of losing the main point of the dialogue.
• Instructions, moralization, critical arguments pushing the opponent to stop talking.
• Ridiculous phrases that copy a person.
• Interrupting or finishing a phrase for an opponent without allowing a full thought to be formed.
• Reducing the conversation to an insignificant polemic.
• Focusing on oneself, which is characterized by translating what is said into one’s own experience.
• Frequent distraction from the purpose of the conversation by personal experiences or irritants.

External irritants include the inability to correctly convey information - slurred or incoherent speech, lack of correct tempo and volume. Also, the quality of perception can be affected by strangers and loud noise - a playing telephone, transport, repair work.

Public speaking

Everything is important: content, intonation, manner of presentation, gestures and facial expressions. It should be remembered that almost half of the information is transmitted through intonation. The same words, in other words, can lead to opposite results. Speak loudly, clearly, expressively and simply enough to ensure intelligibility, not monotonously, but not in a soporific “wave” (higher, lower). The emotionality of the speech must correspond to the content and take into account the situation. There is no need to strive for volume at the expense of the vocal cords, but learn to use resonators: the mouth, nasopharynx, sinuses, and chest.

Maximum effectiveness is achieved through the harmony of thought and word, providing a logical perspective of speech and clarity combined with simplicity of presentation. The drier and more abstract the statement, the less emotional it is, the weaker the perception of speech. But emotionality is not limited to external manifestations; internal strength and conviction are important, which can only be supported by the internal need to speak, caused by business needs. Lectures and moralizing are unacceptable, but the audience should not be flattered. Viewers see more than they hear and trust their eyes more than their ears.

The eyes are quicker to perceive the discrepancy between the speaker's posture and what he is saying. Listeners get their first impression of a speaker through visual perception - his sincerity, friendliness and liveliness. A repeated, small shrug or an expressive hand movement says more than words. The naturalness of the posture helps listeners pay more attention to what the speaker is saying, and not to what he looks like. The simple rule is to not only have something to say, but to be ready to say it. Sincerity of speech intention will help you to be physically expressive, avoid slouching, stiff posture or mannered movements. By monitoring the behavior of listeners, you can determine what corrections, additions and changes are needed, what should be removed from the text of your speech.

You can use this information to visually interact with your audience through hands-on experience. Naturalness and ease of speech, reflection and choice, the birth of the word “in front of the audience” are very important. Isn't this an obstacle to the kind of thorough preparation discussed above? The answer is always clear: the more thoroughly the speaker prepares for the speech, the more vivid and spontaneous the act of creating speech will be. You should not memorize the text of the speech. This usually results in an unnatural, rough birth. The speaker tends to rush and pronounce words without thinking about their meaning. In addition, the method of memorizing text is bad because it does not allow you to make the changes necessary to adapt the speech to the reaction of the audience.

The method of reading speeches is as inflexible as the method of memorizing and also creates a barrier between the speaker and the audience. Since the speaker's eyes must be fixed on the notes, he cannot look at the audience, but only glances at them briefly. Unless he/she has specialized sight reading skills, he/she cannot use the vocal flexibility and richness of intonation characteristic of live speech. In some specific situations, however, notes cannot be avoided, since careful choice of words is required. Sight reading, which is ineffective and informal, should be avoided whenever possible. Most good speakers use the improvisation method. The speech is carefully planned, the words are never memorized.

Active Listening Questions

The types of listening, as well as their effectiveness, depend on whether the subject is distracted. In order to correctly understand the interlocutor and focus on the essence of what is being said, it is necessary to ask leading questions.

In psychology, such techniques are often used to gain a large audience or manipulate opinions. Questions should be as open-ended as possible, which will allow you to obtain as much information as possible.

Examples are statements:

• "how exactly?";
• "Why?";
• "How many?";
• "For what?";
• “What should I do for this?”

Depending on the context, the interrogative construction can be modified by using new words. Their large number in a conversation is directly proportional to the amount of information received.

Because closed questions require a short answer “yes” or “no,” you should not overuse them. Psychologically, they develop an interrogative atmosphere. Such words are best used at the very end of the dialogue in order to clarify the internal state of the opponent.

Alternative questions are made up of two components - open and closed varieties. In this case, the opponent must subconsciously choose between them, which may also indicate his disposition to talk.

you need to become aware of your “I-hearings.”

For example, if you hear from a friend: “You know, my husband is cheating on me...” - and suddenly you feel a surge of indignation and empathy for the speaker, because you yourself have experienced the same thing in your family life.

There will be no empathic listening here if you fail to become aware of your “I-listening” at the moment, if you are not aware of your own uncontrollable emotions. And then there will be room in your soul for the feelings of another person. The state of empathic listening is a state of mind without filters.

Perhaps this amazing emotional state, when the soul is open, is the most natural state of a person with high self-worth. He simultaneously “resonates” with the soul of his partner and continues to remain himself.

Tips for a bad listener

In the case when it is necessary to get rid of the interlocutor, a number of techniques are drawn up, based on the method of active listening, with the help of which you can cause an open reluctance in the opponent to continue the dialogue.

To do this you should:

• sharply and rudely criticize your opponent, pointing out his inaccuracies and mistakes;
• interrupt and go on personal topics;
• use dismissive postures and facial expressions;
• constantly answer a question with a question;
• remain silent or show no emotional response;
• being distracted by telephone conversations or showing interest in other activities.

Despite the effectiveness of the technique, it should not be used often, since all people require sympathy. It is always better to kindly express your own reluctance to conduct further conversation.

Tips for being a good listener

Fundamental active listening techniques allow you to develop positive communication between two interlocutors, through which a person feels attentive to the words and experiences expressed.

Also, understanding the techniques and their correct use will create the necessary sense of self-importance, which will increase the chances of success in a particular matter.

Basic recommendations:

• maintain eye contact with the interlocutor;

• produce feedback using questions and facial expressions;
• after asking a question, wait for an answer without interrupting or asking additional questions;
• do not refute what you hear by delving into the subject of the dialogue;
• do not pay attention to aggressive actions on the part of the interlocutor, try to eliminate them with the help of calmness and patience.

After the interlocutor has completed the story, it is recommended to remain silent for several minutes, which will allow you to better analyze what you heard and determine the emotional component of the dialogue. Such a break also helps the speaker to take a break or remember important aspects of the topic of conversation.

Using types of listening is a sure way to reach a person's inner world, especially when the dialogue is not limited to verbal experiences. In the practice of psychology, such techniques allow one to achieve the desired disposition and increase trust on the part of the interlocutor.

Exercise

The following techniques will help you develop this skill in yourself or others:

• If this topic is to be explored with a group, divide the participants into pairs.
• Tell them that for some time one of the two will play the role of the one who listens, and the other will play the role of the one who speaks.
• For 5 minutes. the speaker will inform the opponent about his problem, focusing on the reasons for these difficulties. The listener applies the methods described above.
• At the end of the established time limit, partners are given 1 minute to discuss what helped and what hindered speaking out or listening.
• Having realized their mistakes, the interlocutors can correct them, since for the next 5 minutes the speaker will have to talk about the qualities that help him establish contacts with others. The listener continues to apply the techniques in practice, taking into account previously made mistakes.
• After this, the one who listened retells everything that he managed to understand from his partner’s stories, and he, in turn, silently nods or shows disagreement. After receiving a negative reaction, the speaker must correct himself until he receives a positive response.
• Then the opponents switch places and go through all the stages again.

After completing the exercise, you need to discuss it:

• Which role did the participants find most difficult?
• What mistakes did they make?
• What should have been done differently?
• What was this “game” for?