If a husband does not want intimacy with his wife, there may be many reasons for this. After the wedding, they begin to get used to each other, which has a detrimental effect on feelings and relationships. That is why most divorces occur on the anniversary and third anniversary of the wedding. But even couples who have weathered a crisis with dignity can have problems.
As time passes and children are born, more and more discontent arises. Everyday disagreements, lack of mutual understanding, the need to work and earn more, even the influence of relatives can negatively affect any union. Including sexual relationships.
Only by figuring out why the husband does not want his wife, establishing the reason and eliminating it, can you return your intimate life.
The husband has lost interest in his wife: dry facts of statistics
The usual stereotype that a man wants always and everywhere is bursting at the seams. It is useless to look for one reason; most often they gather in a bouquet, feeding and strengthening each other. The wife experiences mental discomfort, the woman begins to delve into herself, self-esteem involuntarily decreases, and doubts arise about her own attractiveness.
I advise you to look at the situation with an open mind and try on the role of an analyst. According to statistics, a man’s sexual activity gradually decreases over the years, while a woman’s begins to rise. This is already a contradiction that can lead to refusal of sex if the spouses do not have the wisdom to talk frankly and try to resolve the situation. Judging by surveys, almost 77% of women in a family union are not satisfied with the quality and frequency of intimate intimacy.
5 main reasons why a husband does not want to sleep with his wife
Each person is unique, so you can’t look for a universal recipe on how to make everyone happy at once. Nevertheless, certain patterns can be traced, and I highlight several reasons for refusing sex that are most common.
A workaholic is not a sex giant
The acceleration of life has not brought special privileges to humanity, but it has significantly increased the burden of problems. Chronic fatigue syndrome completely kills the desire for intimacy. If a man constantly talks and thinks about work, it’s time to save his personal life. A great solution would be a last-minute trip, a weekend spent together with your phone turned off or suddenly dead, so that no one ruins your communication.
Illness is a delicate matter
When something hurts, it is unlikely that an uncontrollable desire will arise. This is especially true for diseases of the genitourinary system, joint and muscle pain. Consider one more nuance. For chronic illnesses, a course of medications is required; for some, the list of side effects clearly states the possibility of a decrease in sexual desire. Before making claims to your spouse and complaining to your friends that “my husband doesn’t want me,” look at the instructions for the medicine. Perhaps the answer lies there.
Let's say no to scientific and technological progress
While praising technological innovations, it is worth thinking about how they affect everyday life. Surrounding gadgets, phones, game consoles and laptops, instead of speeding up the search for information or relieving emotional stress after a hard day, turn into eaters of personal time.
Sound the alarm as soon as your partner stops hearing words addressed to him, and the monitor becomes closer to him than a human. It is useless to make a scandal; talking about limiting time for games or organizing a “phone-free evening” will be more effective.
Behavior and Commitment
It’s a pity that many, having received a stamp in their passport, equate it with an absolute guarantee that the other half must constantly demonstrate fiery passion. The official registration of marriage primarily documents the protection of future children, guaranteeing them social rights and material support from the state under certain conditions. Everything else in the family happens only by mutual desire.
A tense situation in the home, constant clarification of relationships, nitpicking over trifles, and indifference to the interests of the spouse can become a reason for avoiding intimacy.
Try to look at your partner with a new look, remember what you admired in the first months of dating. Take the risk of surprising him, arousing interest and relieving emotional stress. If you have never used erotic stockings or grinned at the mention of role-playing games, then it’s time to try them in action.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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There is sex, but not here
The most offensive option is if all the heat goes not to the spouse, but to another partner in sexual games. The truth about this will come out sooner or later, even if the man considers himself a super agent. For a woman’s pride, this becomes a cruel blow that can provoke rash actions, quarrels and the final destruction of the marriage.
In such a situation, you will need the help of a psychologist to save the family, restore part of the trusting relationship, find ways to compromise and restore mutual attraction.
Radical therapy2
Like any important action, the battle for your partner's attention should begin with intelligence. Or rather, from a calm, open conversation. If a guy is smart, he will want to figure out this situation himself. Further actions depend on the identified cause:
- Workaholism is cured by taking an emergency vacation, even if it’s free. Take your loved one out of the annoying environment and give them a couple of days of rest. After rest, he himself will begin to persuade his soul mate to have sex. But this sounds simple only in words. If the next vacation is still a few months away, you need to help your spouse relieve emotional and physical stress. A high-quality massage, funny comedy and care will help a guy cope with critical situations and fatigue. And a young man surrounded by care will definitely want to “thank” his sweetheart.
- With diseases, everything is more complicated; a medical specialist is needed here. If hormonal imbalance is to blame, it can be eliminated with proper nutrition and exercise; hormonal drugs are prescribed in difficult cases.
- Addiction to hobbies is treated with the “temptress wife” regime; knowing the weak points of your partner, nothing prevents you from using them to awaken the desire of your chosen one.
Everyone knows that men love with their eyes. But eyes are not the only way to the heart of a loved one. You should pay no less attention to your smell; a clean female body causes a wave of excitement in any male. A small amount of perfume won't hurt either.
- If the problem is with the girl, she must fix it herself (if she wants, of course), it’s worth asking the guy which type suits him best. This should only be done if there is reciprocity, if the young man has worked on himself for your sake.
- Monitor your behavior and conversations. Maybe the girl herself is having troubles at work, and she’s taking out the negativity on her lover.
- A radical change of image can also help. Try to surprise your partner. Jeans and sweatshirts with sneakers are undoubtedly very comfortable clothes. But an elegant dress and stilettos can excite a man’s imagination no worse than a porn film.
- For couples with extensive marital experience, we can advise trying to return the relationship to the very first “candy” period. Start flirting with your man. Intimate correspondence, small but pleasant gifts, exciting touches to sensitive areas. Remember how the stronger sex reacts to a languid voice, a sincere smile and gentle tactile contact.
It is recommended to take care of this problem in advance. Regularly arrange intimate evenings for your partner, try to keep yourself well-groomed, and don’t let yourself get caught up in work. It is worth regularly changing the scenario of bed games.
The problem is that the guy should have a similar return. This is not only the secret of regular sex, but also the key to a happy union.
Is it always about the partner?
The sphere of intimacy has very fine tuning. Often a careless word can completely ruin a romantic evening. Before looking for the reason why a husband does not want his wife in a partner, it is worth looking back at your habits.
The following can extinguish the flame of passion:
- indifference or excessive activity in sex;
- family problems;
- untidiness and lack of personal hygiene;
- insufficient attention to the partner in a series of everyday worries or overprotection;
- stiffness and refusal to experiment with small things;
- unconscious expectation that “nothing will work out” in the process.
If such signs are not noticed, there is a possibility that the reason for refusing sex lies in a completely different plane.
Psychological problems
They sometimes affect sexual desire much more than physiological ones. Emotional fatigue and depression are increasingly becoming the reason for refusing sexual contacts in general, regardless of the personality of the partner. The condition is aggravated by apathy, loss of strength, and indifference to the outside world. At the same time, some of the drugs that relieve depression have a decrease in libido as side effects, which must be taken into account.
Low self-esteem and fear of another misfire will also not make a man an alpha male. Negative emotions are layered, forming a feeling of protest and rejection. In some cases, refusal of sex will occur only with the wife, if she was the witness of his male failure.
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Often you cannot do without a specialist, but the help must be qualified. I have encountered problems that became deeper after an incorrect conversation. It was necessary to examine not only the origins, but also to neutralize the consequences of illiterate intervention. When planning a consultation with a psychologist, carefully look at the level of his qualifications.
Physiological problems
A number of diseases directly affect the mechanism of sexual arousal:
- diabetes;
- multiple sclerosis;
- cardiovascular diseases;
- hormonal disorders.
It is necessary to show attention, help cope with the disease or alleviate the symptoms. There are high chances that your intimate life will gradually improve.
Lack of intimacy is the result of stress
The modern rhythm of a big city puts a person in a state of tension. The accelerated pace of modern life, troubles in the workplace, conflict situations - all this negatively affects well-being. Stress leaves a huge mark on the potency of the stronger sex.
It is clear that in such a state nothing will work. Not every person is able to instantly disconnect from problems. Or maybe you just don’t have enough strength for intimacy.
Perhaps your man devotes all his strength to work, and, no matter how sad it is, you simply don’t have any left for you. Some men are so passionate about their work that they enjoy it more than sex with their beloved wife.
Refusal after birth
The practice of joint childbirth does not benefit everyone. It is worth understanding that for a woman this is a normal physiological process, but for a man in most cases it is a shock. Agree that it is much better to cope with the task of giving birth yourself than, for the sake of fashion, to insist on the presence of your spouse in the labor room, where he will lose consciousness and get in the way of the obstetricians.
You can forget firmly and for a long time that after such stress he would be passionate again and constantly want intimacy. In the worst case - forever.
It is possible to go to the maternity room together only if there is mutual desire, appropriate preparation and moral stability; in other cases, it is not worth the risk.
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How to talk about it with your partner
All problems are resolved through negotiations in a friendly tone. Don't joke or make fun of the situation. The atmosphere is already tense, the topic is sensitive and requires tactful behavior. I advise you to turn off the TV, laptop and phone, you can make some tea and tune in to a friendly wave.
You will have to discuss a lot, calmly accepting any information. The “system of ten” helps to avoid breaking into hysterics, when a series of numbers are calculated in the mind and only then an answer is given. It may take more than one evening to find new common ground.
What to do if your husband does not want intimacy
The most reasonable thing would be:
- change your communication style;
- take care of your appearance;
- tune in to easy flirting with your other half without obligation;
- spend more time together doing things together;
- respect personal space;
- trust and show your confidence in your spouse;
- minimize routine;
- speak briefly, clearly and to the point;
- carefully restore spiritual points of contact that are not related to sex.
There are also larger tasks that cannot be solved with a snap of a finger, but this must be done if you want to feel a strong hug again.
Stop complaining and controlling your spouse
Public discussion of family, and even more so bed, problems is very offending. Whining and trying on the role of a victim is also useless. Remove the pressure and control.
Be attractive in appearance
This is not a requirement, but a state of mind. There are often people who do not at all correspond to the canons of beauty, but who radiate a special charm. If you need a whole range of treatments at the spa to boost your self-esteem, put off your current purchases, but treat yourself to gain confidence in your irresistibility.
It is advisable to change the image and style of clothing, maybe not radically, but a new note should be present.
Becoming the one to be conquered again
A man at heart is a hunter, he strives to conquer, if not the heights, then a woman. There should be a little mystery, mystery and a bit of inaccessibility. It is worth reducing the volume of stories about yourself, events and dreams, turning into an attentive listener, creating a situation of understatement, inviting, but not imposing.
Ask a question
Such a change in the wife’s behavior will arouse interest and the man will certainly accept the challenge. A small detail - every riddle must have a solution for him.
Surprise more often
An unexpected SMS message, a small postcard on a shelf with personal belongings, a fleeting bright smile without words will knock you out of your usual routine rut, moving you into the plane of the unknown, but pleasant.
The main thing is that the action goes beyond the framework of everyday life and does not reach the point of absurdity.
Diversify sex
It sounds like a newspaper cliche, but it is true. Long-familiar routine tasks do not cause delight. They are on a par with washing dishes and nailing down shelves. When wondering what to do if your husband doesn’t want you, you need to start small.
It is useful to talk about fantasies and desires over a bottle of light wine, discuss changes in intimate life in a humorous manner, find the boundaries of what is permitted, without overpowering your own nature. What is unacceptable for one of the partners is put aside as unrealistic. A joint visit to an adult store will spur your imagination and take communication to a new level of trust.
Too monotonous sex life4
One of the main problems of Russians is insufficient sex education. Unfortunately, our people like to go from one extreme to another. Either bland sex in the missionary position all your life, or changing partners several times a month and sex life without reasonable restrictions.
Now we are not talking about raising teenagers, but about the insufficient knowledge and skills of already formed couples. For some reason, some of our girls think that lying on the bed and pretending to be a motionless and silent figure (to say the least) is quite erotic. The strong half of humanity also has similar complaints. And some people simply don't know how to make intercourse a truly wonderful experience. All this leads to the fact that sex ceases to be enjoyable.
A similar picture can be treated by reading literature of a sexual nature, which can now be found in any bookstore. Adult films will also help. New positions, new types of sex, paraphernalia from a sex shop. Believe me, experimentation and variety in the area of intimacy will make your partner want sex every night. Otherwise, we will all be bored by the same actions.
Instead of solving the problem, you can create complexes in yourself, like the boyfriend/husband has stopped loving you, “I have become ugly,” and so on from the list. But saving drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. If your young man is passive, take the solution to the problem into your own graceful hands. And the above tips will help you.
Sources used:
- https://plachu.net/krizis-otnoshenij/muzh-ne-hochet-blizosti-s-zhenoj
- https://peopletalk.ru/article/pochemu-mujchina-bolshe-tebya-ne-hochet/
- https://favoritca.com/otnosheniya-v-brake/problemy-v-seme/muz-ne-hocet-blizosti-s-zenoj-priciny.html
- https://intrigue.dating/vse-o-sekse/paren-ne-hochet-seksa-v-poiskah-prichin-i-sposobov-ispravit-situa-iu/
How to win a man's interest after having a baby
You will have to make an effort and find time to take care of yourself, wisely distributing your to-do list. In order for free minutes to appear, it is necessary to gently involve your spouse in new tasks.
It is worth caring for the baby together, sharing responsibilities and helping at the right time. Such chores bring us closer together and allow us to spend more time with each other. The husband has a hard time, he is forced to share the position of favorite with the new family member, receiving less attention. It is necessary to emphasize how important the help and support of a spouse is, take an interest in his affairs at work, his well-being, and organize small, but so necessary at this moment, holidays for two.
An important point is the husband’s fear of causing pain or harm to his wife after childbirth during intimacy. Swollen breasts full of milk and stretch marks on the abdomen can confuse and extinguish desire. Do not rush to accuse him of coldness, talk frankly and explain that the body has already recovered and craves the usual affection, and other phenomena are temporary and gradually everything will return to normal.
Correct conversation3
The easiest thing to do is to talk to your boyfriend and express the lack of intensity in your intimate life. But there are a couple of unpleasant nuances here:
- Women tend to throw around accusations without thinking instead of constructive dialogue. As a result, we will get a small quarrel or even a real scandal.
- Men very often tend to underestimate the criticality of the situation (features of thinking), as a result of which the outcome of the conversation will be zero.
So that the faithful does not think that you are fooling around or being crazy, he needs to carefully convey his message and make sure that he understands the problem correctly. Firstly, it is necessary to explain the criticality and painfulness of the lack of sex for a girl’s mood and women’s health. Secondly, you need to avoid accusations and ask about the reasons for his refusals.
Only the most narrow-minded and indifferent guy will begin to deny and turn the conversation into a joke. But in any case, the first alarm call will be delivered to his brain.
When to seek advice from a psychologist
When problems arise in the family, you should not isolate yourself; it is better to trust a specialist in this matter.
First, go through the situation yourself and answer the questions:
- How tense is the situation in the family?
- what level of trust is the relationship at?
- did you often refuse intimacy?
- how busy the husband is at work;
- whether signs of illness or chronic fatigue have recently appeared.
There is no need to be cunning and look for beautiful excuses instead of honest answers. If the situation does not clear up, then seek the help of a psychologist. There are no universal recommendations on what to do if a husband does not want a wife. For effective assistance, it is better to meet in person.
