How to become a more sociable and interesting person

Sociability vs sociability

There are people who are sociable, less sociable, and withdrawn. Sociable people, as a rule, have many friends, acquaintances and acquaintances, which cannot be said about silent people. Sociable people easily meet new people, they feel confident in any unfamiliar company and are not tormented by questions: “What will they think of me if I speak first?” or “What if someone isn’t interested in my story?”

Overly sociable people don’t even think that sometimes they are listened to out of politeness or because they don’t know how to refuse. For them, it doesn’t matter who listens to them, the main thing is to speak out themselves, so sometimes they can be quite intrusive. And then the stream of words that pours out of them is called “diarrhea of thoughts” in their hearts. Someone correctly noted that excessive sociability, just like isolation, can cause loneliness.

And the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer came to the conclusion that “what makes people sociable is their inability to tolerate loneliness, that is, themselves.”

Sociability (from the Latin communication - connection, contact) is somewhat different from sociability. And first of all, because a sociable person cares how his interlocutors perceive him. His opinion is unbiased, he is tolerant of other people’s statements, respects them, and does not try to put pressure on him with his authority if they do not agree with him. He is observant: if the topic of conversation does not suit someone, he delicately moves the conversation to another plane. After all, as Neyah, the author of many aphorisms, said, “if people start calling all things by their proper names, they will soon stop communicating completely.”

After a conversation with a sociable person, the interlocutors are left with a pleasant “aftertaste”, because the conversation proceeds on equal terms, even if the other party is less educated or competent in this matter.

The speech of a sociable person is beautiful and correct, while a sociable person can say whatever and however he pleases, burr, use filler words and profanity, with little regard for the ears of his interlocutors.

Thus, sociability is the ability to communicate. Being sociable is a mandatory requirement put forward by employers of self-respecting companies when hiring new employees for positions related to working with people or working in a team, because sociable people are non-conflict, easily and quickly make business and friendly connections. They enjoy authority in the team and become leaders.

Why you need to be sociable

Sociable and friendly people attract more attention, and others are drawn to them. Sociable people easily make new acquaintances and establish useful connections. There are always many people around them who are ready to help and suggest something. As a rule, sociable and friendly people achieve more in life.

Think for yourself who is more pleasant to communicate with: with someone from whom you need to extract every word with pincers, or with someone who will always find something to answer, where to start a conversation, but at the same time knows when it is better to remain silent. Of course, the second one. Sociable people charge you with energy. I want to spend more and more time with them. They know a lot of fascinating stories, can support any conversation, and talk about something interestingly.

We feel more confident around sociable people. In the presence of such a person we relax. We learn a lot of new and interesting things from a sociable person. At the same time, the sociable type regularly expands its horizons through interaction with different people.

If we are dealing with someone who is constantly silent, frowns and does not smile, then willy-nilly the thought arises: “What if I did something wrong?” We become infected and charged with the energy of other people. And if when communicating with a sociable person we relax, then when communicating with a gloomy type we, on the contrary, tense up.

Why else should you be sociable? Such people will never find themselves lonely or abandoned. In any conditions and under any circumstances, they will make acquaintances, friends, and buddies. Sociability helps to develop and survive if the need arises.

Note! Everything is good in moderation. Intrusiveness and talkativeness are just as repulsive as excessive isolation.

Signs

Sociability is a personality trait. Usually they use this one word and do not think about its content. Meanwhile, several elements of sociability or signs of a sociable person can be identified:

Openness. This is the ability to talk to everyone and about everything, talk about yourself, openly answer other people's questions, directly express personal opinions, etc.
Sense of humor. This is a positive attitude towards the world, and the ability to laugh at oneself, and the ability to skillfully apply irony, insert a joke, tell an anecdote.
Talkativeness. This is not talkativeness, but the ability to speak beautifully, clearly, coherently and competently with any people and in any conditions, including the ability to communicate in the “language” that is more understandable to the interlocutor (for example, in his slang).
Determination. Communication always has a purpose. Communication itself is a means. For example, the goal may be to resolve a conflict or establish a useful contact, make acquaintances, exchange numbers, find a job, etc. A sociable person knows exactly what he wants, why and what he is doing. This distinguishes him from a chatterbox.
Confidence. Another quality that is closely related to sociability and determination. Only a self-confident person can express and defend his opinion, be open and honest. Only those who are not afraid of being rejected, criticized, unnoticed, and misunderstood can be sociable.
Restraint. A sociable person knows how to not only speak, but also listen. And what’s more important is that he knows how to think before he says something. A sociable person always takes into account the psychological characteristics of his opponent, the conditions and context of communication, the nature of the relationship, and much more. The ability to show mastery of tact, take pauses, not interrupt, etc. helps to find common ground with the interlocutor, establish contact, and maintain communication.
Plastic. A sociable person always and everywhere feels at ease and quickly adapts to circumstances.
Creativity. This is closely related to all other signs. A sociable person will find an approach to any other person, regardless of the time, place and context of communication. He knows how to hook someone in personal communication, by phone or in correspondence. But let's not forget about determination. If a person does not see the point of hooking someone, then, despite all his creativity, he can behave very mediocre and restrained.

Is it possible to understand from the outside whether a person is sociable or not? Yes, and it's quite simple. If he is not afraid of new acquaintances, unexpected meetings, phone calls, personal meetings, trips to government agencies, etc., then the person clearly does not have problems with communication.

Where exactly do these problems come from? Let's take a closer look.

Stage 1. Development of communication skills

First of all, you need to start developing communication skills and building self-confidence. What should you do for this?

Smile and don't be afraid to joke

If this article had to be boiled down to one single piece of advice, this would be it. Oh, how pleasant the interlocutors are who can make a great joke and make you smile - be it work colleagues, friends, or even just casual acquaintances. This rule works everywhere without exception - make a person smile and he will treat you much better.

Now an important point: if it seems to you that you don’t know how to joke at all, then believe me, this will come with time, you just have to start. The main thing is that you understand that a sense of humor is the strongest weapon for creating an easy and trusting environment. Over time, you will notice that there are reasons for jokes always and everywhere, you just need to try to notice them and not miss them! It’s also worth saying that making other people smile or laugh is a great way to increase self-esteem and create a great mood.

The main thing is to remember 2 simple rules: don’t joke about people, and joke about yourself very carefully. Otherwise, there is a reason for a joke everywhere - in school, work, in events around, and even in problems.

Give compliments

How long has it been since you last paid attention to the positive changes in people around you? If it’s been a long time, then correct it urgently. A compliment is not only a great way to give others positive emotions, but also a good reason to start a conversation on a pleasant note.

The main thing to remember is that a compliment should emphasize something that the person has worked hard on. For example, I lost weight, got a beautiful hairstyle, bought a nice suit. In addition, the compliment must be sincere, which means you must like this change. And one more thing: the compliment should be as light and simple as possible , for example: “Hello! Nice dress! (don't forget to smile). Sometimes this is enough to put a person in a great mood for the whole day.

Show interest

There is nothing difficult to ask a colleague: “How did you get to work today?” or “How was your weekend?” Of course, the interest must be sincere. After allowing the interlocutor to speak, ask a small clarifying question, showing interest. You will notice how pleasant it is for him and gain invaluable communication experience.

By the way, many consider the question: “How are you?” banal, and they try to avoid it. However, everything depends on the message with which this question is asked. If the interest is sincere, then even this simple question will be absolutely appropriate.

Learn to listen

Most people in communication strive to convey their own thoughts. Not everyone is able to listen and hear their interlocutor. However, if you really want to become more sociable, learn not to interrupt, listen to the end of a sentence , and think about what is said before responding. And never consider your loved ones to be those who must be burdened with all your problems.

Use body language

Facial expressions, the position of arms and legs, the direction and movement of the gaze - our interlocutor involuntarily notices all this. Nonverbal signals can tell a lot even to a person who has never been interested in them. For example, constantly looking at your phone will make the other person think that you are bored.

Smile often and learn to move correctly to demonstrate friendliness. Perhaps self-doubt is preventing you from becoming more sociable. Adopting a comfortable, open posture can help you overcome fear and doubt, so keep experimenting with your body language. At the same time, you will master another important skill - learn to read the mood of your interlocutor by his facial expressions and movements. And one more thing: do not cross your arms while talking - this position is closed and repulsive.

Become an interesting conversationalist

People with a good sense of humor who can easily carry on conversations on any topic are valued in any company. You don't have to be a highly educated intellectual to become a good conversationalist. It is enough to lead an active life , regularly read popular books, watch new movies being released, and take an interest in current events. If possible, then also travel.

Contact by name

Do you remember the names of all your work colleagues? If not, then it’s time to learn and start calling people by name. As Dale Carnegie said, what people love most is to hear the sound of their name. So give them this chance, and believe me, your relationships with people will begin to improve. Start mentioning the name even then. when you just say hello.

Well, dear reader, we are done with the first part. If you follow these seemingly simple tips, your communication skills will increase many times over. And we move on to the second stage.

Where do communication problems come from?

You may have already guessed from studying the characteristics of a sociable person that sociability is closely related to confidence. An insecure person with a lot of complexes and lack of self-acceptance cannot be sociable. Why? Because he is afraid of public condemnation, rejection, criticism. He is afraid of saying the wrong thing, looking stupid, making a mistake. He also has a negative attitude towards the whole world in advance; he is sure that society does not accept him.

Where does this attitude towards yourself and the world come from? As usual, the roots of problems must be sought in childhood. Reproaches and criticism from parents, bullying from peers, cruel attitude of teachers, suppression in the family - all this negatively affects the child’s self-confidence.

The development of communication skills depends on the style of family education. Overprotection or authoritarianism, in which parents decide everything for the child, are not interested in his opinion, criticize him and tell him to shut up, lead to the fact that the child is afraid to say an extra word.

A permissive parenting style is no less dangerous. For example, if parents do not communicate with the child, then not only does the child not develop communication skills, but also problems arise with the development of speech as such. He may not learn to speak at all.

Interesting! Some people naturally have difficulty being social. For example, introverts feel physically and psychologically tired if they have to communicate frequently and a lot with a large number of people. Especially when it comes to superficial (secular) communication.

Sanguine

Strong, balanced, agile type. Lively and inquisitive, flexible and dynamic, a sanguine person is not used to accumulating grievances and experiencing failures for a long time. He does not lose heart and always looks for a way out of the current situation. Active and sociable sanguine people love new experiences, they are friendly, friendly and easily get along with people.

“+”: journalist, waiter, economist, lawyer, teacher and a number of other professions for which communication skills and leadership ability are important. It is believed that of all four types, the sanguine person is the most versatile; many professions are suitable for him.

“-“: dispatcher, jeweler and other professions where there is no constant change of activity.

Differences in communication between men and women

There is an opinion that women are more sociable than men. This is not true, sociability does not depend on gender. However, there are indeed some differences between male and female communication skills:

women are process-oriented, and men are result-oriented;
it is more difficult for men to be restrained in communication, especially if they disagree with their opponent;
women pour more “water”, men speak briefly and to the point.

It is important to understand that these features are not an axiom. For example, some women like to speak briefly and without unnecessary lyricism, and some men prefer to “roll cotton wool”, use epithets, and abound in compliments. Sociability does not depend on gender, it is associated with individual psychological characteristics and conditions of human development.

Phlegmatic person

Weak, balanced, inert type. Restrained and imperturbable phlegmatic people are difficult to anger; they are not at all prone to conflicts. These are calm and patient people who do not tend to clearly express their mental states outwardly. Phlegmatic people find it difficult to integrate into a new environment; they experience stress from the need to constantly jump from one thing to another. Representatives of this type like to work carefully and leisurely.

“+”: engineer, doctor, accountant, laboratory assistant, agronomist, statistician, system administrator and other professions that require cold-blooded analysis and the ability to make decisions.

“-“: show host, secretary and other professions without a clear schedule, where you have to deal with unforeseen situations and improvise.

How to become more sociable

How to become a sociable and interesting person? To become more sociable, work on yourself and interact with society.

Develop communication skills

Pay attention to 2 components of communication skills:

Starting a conversation. For example, you can start with a compliment, a question on a general topic, the phrase “I noticed that you...”.
Keeping the conversation going. Start with general topics and gradually move on to the personal. Ask clarifying questions based on what the interlocutor says, tell about yourself. Try to ask questions to which the interlocutor will only give a detailed answer without “yes” or “no.”

Expand your social circle

Don't run for communication for the sake of communication. Choose people who are interesting to you, respect you and you respect them, can teach you something or you can be useful to them. At the beginning of your training, make it a rule to compliment everyone and get to know each other for the sake of getting to know each other. But for more in-depth communication, choose those who are close in spirit.

Choleric

Strong, unbalanced, mobile type. This is an impulsive and ardent person who devotes himself to his work with all passion. He prefers to overcome obstacles rather than bypass them. The energy of his nature is clearly reflected in his speech, gestures and facial expressions. A hot-tempered and impatient choleric person does not always control his emotions and can turn to aggression. Doesn't calm down right away. Prone to sudden mood swings.

“+”: sales manager, reporter, radio or television presenter, director, designer, guide and other professions that require flexibility and the ability to establish contacts.

“-“: librarian, literary editor and other professions that involve monotony of action. Boredom is the main enemy of choleric people.

Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills

How can a teenager, girl or guy become a more sociable and interesting person? Gender or age is not important. To become more talkative, behave confidently and not be shy, remember a few rules from psychology.

Let's say you're already a social person, but would like to improve your communication skills. Where to begin? Break problems down into components and work on each sub-problem:

Take your time. Before you start communicating, take a closer look at the person. Observe his behavior and speech. Determine what kind of communication he is ready for. Some people cannot stand it when someone suddenly bursts into their personal space and starts asking questions about their personal life. And others themselves are ready to tell a bunch of personal stories to the first person they meet.
Listen. This is important for keeping the conversation going. By listening, you can not only understand the person better, but also in time on the topic, comment or tell your story.
Look for common ground. Closely related to listening skills. For example, start the conversation like this: “Oh, I also had a similar case...”. Or like this: “You won’t believe it! I’m just like you...” We subconsciously like and trust someone who is somewhat similar to us.
Don't be overconfident. Confidence is good. Overconfidence is bad. Stand up for your opinion, but do not insult other people or suppress them.
Express your desire to help. It’s not just about helping with deeds, but also helping with words. For example, direct the conversation in a direction where you casually demonstrate your expertise. You can help with advice and information education.
Be proactive. If you simply nod and go with the flow of the conversation, your interlocutor may think that you are a driven person. Or he will decide that you are not interested in communication, but you are trying to behave civilly. Therefore, periodically change topics yourself, clarify something, offer to go deeper into some problem - demonstrate your interest.
Practice humor. An appropriate joke helps to defuse a situation, fill awkward pauses in a conversation, and calm or amuse someone.
Adapt. It is important to understand when, with whom and why you should remain silent, and when this should never be done. It is also important to be able to be different: to speak and behave differently.

What else can you do to become more sociable and easily start a conversation and maintain a conversation? Pay special attention to studying nonverbal communication: gestures, facial expressions, postures. This knowledge will help you not only better understand other people, but also present yourself even more competently.

How I became more sociable: my experience

So, we have found out that communication problems are associated with complexes, low self-esteem, self-doubt and fears. Each person has their own roots of these problems, usually associated with a difficult childhood, but the framework of unsociability looks exactly like this. It was the same for me once.

There were no problems with sociability as such. With those who were already close and earned trust, communication was easy. Difficulties arose in establishing new contacts and relationships.

The main thing that helped me make friends with the world was the attitude “They don’t hate me. Nobody wishes me harm. Nobody attacks me. Nobody insults me." If you meet people with this conviction, then everything turns out much better. It is important to get rid of childhood grievances, destructive attitudes and projections. You cannot see the same offender from the past in every new person. Yes, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will not like you, but you may not like someone either. This is fine. In addition, you need to be prepared for the fact that someone will try to assert themselves at your expense, but you may not allow him to do this.

I paid special attention to non-verbal communication. You've probably heard that if a person smiles, his mood will improve. It works. And if you straighten your back and shoulders, you will become more confident. If you smile at someone when you meet them, the person will smile back and become friendlier towards you. And all people react adequately to jokes and compliments (we are not talking now about those who are deeply traumatized and maximally embittered towards the whole world).

In general, it all comes down to the fact that you can’t write down every little thing on your personal account and expect attacks from the world. It is necessary to replace self-examination and self-flagellation with healthy introspection, self-knowledge and self-development. And you need to accept yourself. Yes, this will take a lot of time and effort. I think that any person’s work on himself is a lifelong journey.