Hi all! Today we'll talk about sociability. As you know, man is a social being. This means that he will not be able to fully develop without communication. At each age stage, a person learns to communicate, perceive and transmit information. Scientists have proven that even inside the mother, the child hears her speech and reacts to it. Today, the problem of high-quality, pleasant and interesting communication worries many. Every person wants to be interesting and appreciated, but sometimes we all have to experience embarrassment and difficulties in communication. Below we will figure out how to become a sociable and interesting person so that our interlocutors want to continue communicating with us.
COMPLETE LIST OF HUMAN SKILLS
Why be sociable and friendly
Active and energetic people are always visible. But not everyone can be like this; some find it difficult to make new acquaintances, while others find it difficult to maintain friendships. Some people feel embarrassed during pauses in conversation, others, in principle, cannot insert a phrase into the dialogue in time. So, why be sociable, and what benefits does being sociable bring?
Throughout life, a child, then an adult, is constantly in society. One way or another, he has to intersect with other people. All of these intersections can be of great service in some issue or difficult circumstances. Many people strive to make useful contacts for selfish purposes. And they succeed!
Sociability relieves a person from the feeling of loneliness, allows you to learn something new, useful, develops, helps you find “your” person to live with or friends. And these are basic needs, without which we will not experience full happiness. Being more sociable is useful for many, but there are some nuances here, which we will look at below.
Let's smile
Each of us will be much more willing to do business with a person who has a friendly smile on his face. It is impossible to be sociable and at the same time have a sour expression on your face. People instinctively avoid those from whom ill will emanates.
True, some supporters of natural behavior say that sincere unfriendliness is better than an artificial smile on duty. However, we prefer to communicate with smiling people. And so that our own smile does not seem glued, we “put it on” not immediately, but a second after we see the person for whom it is intended.
Signs of a sociable person
In psychology, the terms “sociability” and “communication skills” are different. If we talk about sociability, then this is the process of exchanging information, which is aimed at establishing contacts with other people. It is universal, that is, it manifests itself in all types of human activity, helps to realize and understand oneself and other people.
Communication is a skill that allows a person to start, build, and maintain relationships. The main signs of a sociable person are:
- openness - a sociable person seems open to many, he can talk to everyone and about everything, openly declaring his opinion;
- gaiety is a sense of humor; a cheerful person sometimes maintains a conversation through successful phrases spoken with humor, he is humorous, he exudes positivity;
- talkative - a sociable person may seem too talkative at first glance, but this is his specialty, due to this quality he does not lose communication with a person and knows how to maintain him constantly;
- determination is another characteristic of a sociable person; such people often use communication as a skill to achieve any goals in work, negotiations, or study;
- confidence is an important sign, since an insecure person does not know how to behave in society, how to present himself and his point of view, therefore only confident people have sociability;
- restraint - with all his charisma, energy and humor, a sociable person is reserved, as he is looking for common ground with his interlocutor;
- flexibility - such a person is flexible, he can adapt to any situation, any rules, he is proactive and quickly adapts to everything new;
- an improviser - communication for him is like creativity, he is not content with his monologue, but is always sensitive to feedback;
- lack of talkativeness - sociability is not the same as talkativeness, a sociable interlocutor will not burden another with unnecessary information, a conversation with him is useful and interesting.
It has been proven that it is easier for some to become sociable; this depends on character traits, temperament, and the conditions of personality development. If a person is an introvert, it is quite difficult for him to be flexible and constantly communicate. It’s much easier for an extrovert.
Vdovin Ivan
- More than 15 years in psychology
- Owner of 2 successful businesses
- Developed his own method “Key Therapy”
- Certified NLP Practitioner
- Certified Hypnotherapist
- In practice I use: Gestalt therapy, imagery therapy, body therapy, art therapy, hypnosis, Hellinger constellations
- Helped over 100 clients
- I invested more than 500,000 rubles in my education
- My blog is visited by more than 1500 people per day
Reviews
Respect your interlocutor
By respecting your interlocutor, you respect yourself. Even no matter how negative and bad a person was in front of you, show respect. Respect is one of the roots of proper self-disposition.
I’m not saying to completely accept the game of such a person if you don’t like him, but believe me, by investing politeness in communication, you can get much more positive things than if you showed aggression towards him.
"Shut Up and Listen" Technique
I was taught this technique at one cool sales training. Its essence is to let your interlocutor speak more. Without interrupting him or trying with all his might to express his point of view. As the interlocutor begins to speak, you close your mouth and listen.
Do you like being listened to? I like this and it brings us closer together and evokes sympathy. Helps very well in communicating with women. We found a topic for conversation, and away we go, you don’t have to stress any further. I don’t know if it will work between two girls, I think it’s difficult for a girl to “shut up,” but you try.
Where do communication problems come from?
Communication problems do not just arise; they mature in the child’s psyche starting from childhood. In the family, he sees how the parents act, how they communicate, and repeats after them. If the child’s feelings were not taken into account, he was not heard, a lot was decided for him, he will already be prepared for difficulties in communications.
When a child enters society, it also influences the development of communication. Along with this, self-esteem also develops. If even an adult finds himself in an unfamiliar situation, where he is very different from the group in social and financial status, and the group will greatly influence him, his self-esteem will be shaken. What can we say about the child?
Developing in an unfavorable environment, communication difficulties are reinforced, resulting in an insecure person with communication problems. Such an interlocutor realizes himself as inept in communication and insecure and withdraws from reality into the Internet, alcohol and other bad habits.
Main problems in communication:
- I don’t know what topic to discuss with my interlocutor;
- I want to be friends or date a girl/boyfriend, but I don’t know how to achieve this;
- I don’t know how to defend myself and defend my opinion in disputes and conflicts.
Many turn to psychologists with requests: how to stop being shy, learn to communicate, and be confident. These problems can be solved; it is important to understand yourself, your characteristics and difficulties, then look for ways out of a difficult situation in communication.
Benefits of communication skills
A person who communicates easily in any company compares favorably with the silent ones sitting in the corner. Confidence, freedom and charm make the joker attractive to people of the opposite sex. He controls the situation, makes acquaintances easily, makes new friends and is respected.
A sociable person does not extract smart words from his memory, does not think about his gestures and facial expressions. Everything happens naturally, effortlessly. It is pleasant to talk with him on various topics; people ask him for advice, hoping for understanding and confidentiality.
People who have difficulty communicating try to be quiet and inconspicuous at corporate events and parties. They do not arouse interest among friends. Forced to spend time in splendid isolation.
Silent people have difficulty finding employment because they are unable to effectively convey information about their strengths. Even professionalism does not help, as difficulties arise in communicating with the team, which interferes with interaction in the team.
A person who knows how and loves to communicate is more likely to achieve his goals:
- enters into a marriage;
- is realized in the profession;
- participates in the social life of society;
- comes to inner harmony, easily making up for the lack of communication.
Employers choose talkative, goal-oriented people from applicants for positions. Communication skills are needed to maintain a healthy environment in the workplace, establish connections with partners, clients, and successful negotiations.
How to develop communication skills
Sociable people quickly find solutions to problems in everyday life and at work. They clearly formulate and convey to management the aspirations of the team, earning the gratitude of their colleagues.
Differences in communication between men and women
The structure of the male and female psyches is different. Women are considered more talkative, while men are always considered silent. But this is a myth, a misconception. Practice shows that women can also be silent, and sometimes men cannot be talked over. Therefore, we will look at the main differences in communication between these two sexes.
- The woman is focused on the communication process. It often doesn’t matter to her what to talk about, it is important that this process continues and does not end. Men are tuned to the result of the exchange of information. This is why sometimes it is difficult for the stronger sex to make many friends, since you cannot talk to many people about common activities.
- Observations have shown that women are better listeners. They will sympathize, nod, shake their heads. Such manifestations are not typical for men unless they are trained to do so. The male population tends to interrupt and give an answer without fully listening to the question.
- Men are brief in their statements. Women tend to use artistic expression and description. They can repeat the same question several times, while men do not see the need for this.
But these differences are relative. If a man wants to become a business coach, manager or any other specialist who needs to speak in front of a large audience, he can develop his communication skills, gradually become easier to communicate with, and earn the “audience award.” And some women want to become sociable and self-confident, since excess shyness gets in the way.
Develop your speech
Many will agree that you want to talk to a person with a well-spoken speech more and more. So if you want to become more sociable, pay attention to your spoken language.
How to develop speech - 3 main problems that are worth focusing on
Even physical problems with speech are not an obstacle to communication.
Remember the film "The King's Speech", where Prince Albert (son of the British King George V) stutters badly and is afraid of public speaking. A long struggle with a defect gives results. The speech therapist who saved the prince from stuttering was sure that the problem was not in his speech, but in his head.
You can do anything if you really want it!
How to be a sociable and interesting person with people: ways
Teaching communication skills is an art. Therefore, in personal growth and business trainings, a large block of theory and practice is devoted to communication. Let's figure out what methods help increase the quantity and quality of communication.
Take your time
Take your time to get acquainted and start communicating. Oddly enough, this is the first recommendation when teaching communication. A stranger will be annoyed by intrusive questions about family, education, and personal interests.
At the first contact, a greeting and a short conversation on general topics, for example, about the weather, events in the world, the country, are enough. Only at the next meeting can you deepen your knowledge about the person and tell a little about yourself.
Listen
Develop your listening skills. This is important so that the interlocutor is not loaded with unnecessary information about problems in your family, complaints about a difficult life, or embellished successes of your children. Good communication involves active listening. Ask questions on the topic of conversation, comment.
Look for similarities
Look for something in common. Sometimes completely different people collide in communication. But a sociable interlocutor will always find a common language with anyone. The secret is simple: he learned to take into account obvious interests and hidden ones. You can share experiences, opinions, interests with people.
The search for common topics for conversation can be carried out through suggestive conversations, for example, how was the weekend, what does he want to do. Such questions reveal the interests and values of the participants in communication.
Be willing to help
You can be confident and not shy in dialogue due to the desire to be useful. This is another secret to successful communication. Try to look for topics where you can be useful to a person. Your help to him can be in simply listening to problems and experiences.
Be reasonably confident
Confidence should be moderate. People are put off by excessive shyness and stardom. You need to be confident, know your worth, and stop being shy about expressing your opinion.
Take the initiative
Initiative is always commendable. In a conversation, it is wrong to just nod, listen and that’s it. Many people are even annoyed by this behavior. Therefore, sometimes ask new topics for discussion, insist on them, show in these topics your erudition, knowledge that you are an intelligent and interesting person.
Develop your humor
Develop your wit. In some companies, competition in wits is visible even to the naked eye. There is no need for this in dialogues, but sometimes you need to insert a funny statement or a witty phrase. Laughter always relieves tension; positive people are valued and people want to communicate with them further. Read this article to learn how to improve your humor and learn how to make funny jokes.
React
All people are not perfect, sometimes there are incidents in communication. You will be highly appreciated if you learn to turn negative aspects into a joke and emphasize positive ones. Cultivate the following qualities in yourself: do not be offended by trifles, do not react to provocations with rude statements. But there is no need to ignore the barbs directed at you.
If a person intentionally wanted to offend you, show that you are hurt, but forgive him. Such generosity will force him not to do this in the future. Noble behavior allows you to attract people and make friends easily.
And about
To do this, try:
Don't avoid interacting with people
Surely, if you see someone you know on the street with whom you have no idea what to talk about, you will want to cross the road, turn into a store (even if you don’t need to go there) or simply pretend to be blind - in a word, do everything so as not to come into contact with him.
Try not to do this again, and the next time you see him, make every effort to start some casual dialogue about work, affairs, the latest news, and so on. Even if he says “Hi” to you and moves on, don’t be upset. Not everyone knows that you need practice in communication.
Forget about formalities
Nowadays, not only in everyday communication, but also in a professional environment, people value simple and informal communication, which evokes much more trust and empathy than a dry reading of company growth prospects or an unemotional story about business.
Try to open up to your interlocutor and add a little color to your communication. Even if you don't want to tell him about something personal, try to at least pretend that you are open to any topics, criticism and ideas. Then the chances that he will be interested in you increase significantly.
Listen to the speaker's position
Even if your (and your interlocutor’s) views on a particular topic differ for some reason, it is best not to enter into open confrontation with him, but to calmly listen to his position, accept it and clearly explain why you do not agree with it.
For example, he tells you that dogs are cooler than cats, although you think completely differently. Don't throw mud at him and call him brainless. Instead, listen carefully to his position, then emphasize its merits and advantages with which you agree, and only then move on to expressing your point of view without resorting to insults.
It is quite possible that after such an approach he will rethink something, otherwise you risk losing his favor.
How to become more talkative, open and cheerful on your own
To be an ace in communication, you need to develop 3 areas of communication. They will allow you to be harmonious and successful in conversations.
Verbal communication
Starting a conversation and maintaining it requires important skills. Let's figure out how anyone, even an introvert, can become more sociable and be able to carry on a conversation.
Step 1
Learn to start a conversation. The beginning can be based on an observation “I noticed that you...”, a compliment “you look great in a dress...”, a general topic “Isn’t it really nice weather today...”
Step 2
Keep the conversation going not with general phrases, but with specific questions and topics, reveal information about yourself, such as your favorite movie, hobbies, leisure activities, interests. You can speak out about an issue by expressing your opinion. But don't post too personal information right away.
Try to ask questions that do not require “yes” or “no” answers. Such questions are called open-ended, that is, after them there should be a detailed answer with some information.
Step 3
Practice talking at a bus stop with strangers, neighbors, colleagues. It should be about nothing, just to practice your skills. Set yourself a rule: compliment anyone twice a day.
Non-verbal
If we can leave something unsaid with words, then our body language will give us away. All our uncertainty and fear can be read by an experienced person by posture, position of arms and legs, gestures and posture. To become relaxed on a non-verbal level, it is important to apply the following recommendations. You can even flirt with non-verbal language.
Step 1
Identify your problems. An open person can be confident and easily start a conversation. To do this, try not to slouch, and not to cross your arms and legs. Eye contact is also important. If it is a huge effort for you to look your interlocutor in the eyes, then problems begin with communication. Tone of voice, posture, and facial expression are also nonverbal.
Step 2
After identifying your problems, solve them. Ask a loved one to watch you from the side while communicating. Let him notice how you talk, in what tone and with what facial expression. When speaking, work on looking at your interlocutor, keeping your hands free, smiling, and using gestures when explaining.
Self confidence
You can develop self-confidence and increase self-esteem at any conscious age. This is a skill that will result in you being able to communicate very fluently. Let's think about how to learn to communicate confidently.
Step 1
Identify the conditions under which you lose confidence. Is it difficult for you to express your opinion or ask for something? Do you know how to say no? After that, try to build on your feelings and talk about them without thinking about the consequences. Try to express your opinion on any matter, even if it differs from the views of the majority.
Learn to say no. You have the right not to do what you don't want. If you refuse (if you have finally decided), do not apologize, stop justifying yourself. Just start saying this word one day.
Step 2
Establish yourself in confident communication. If a phrase is difficult to say at first, think it through, then speak. Confidence takes practice.
conclusions
To become a good conversationalist, you don’t have to complete great training, but it’s enough to be polite and respect the other person. And also be positive. And that's it. Everything else is secondary. But, of course, develop a sense of humor and everything will be just fine.
It was a simple article on the topic of how to become a sociable and interesting person, as you can see there was not too much information in it, but this is all that I emphasized from my personal experience that life gave me and I accept it with pleasure.
Useful books for developing sociability
To be cool among your peers, sociable at work and sociable at home, study several books on developing communication skills. There are several popular sources that will even teach you how to become the most sociable from a gamer. If you are short on time, use audiobooks. By reading books, you broaden your horizons, which is also useful for communication skills.
Here are the basic books for leveling up your skill:
- “Mastery of communication. How to get along with anyone,” Paul McGee.
- “We turn on the charm using the methods of the secret services,” Jack Schafer and Marvin Carlins.
- “I can hear right through you. Effective negotiation techniques”, Mark Goulston.
- “Secrets of communication. The Magic of Words”, James Borg.
3. Watch your gestures when communicating
Gestures, like intonation, gaze, and facial expressions, are non-verbal means of communication. You must show the other person that you are open to conversation. To do this, you shouldn’t constantly look at your phone, cross your arms and legs, and look at the floor.
Straighten your back, straighten your shoulders, show that you are confident. Moderate gestures will help attract the attention of your interlocutor.
Be calm and confident, but don't overdo it :)
Get rid of the habit of touching your hair, fidgeting in your chair, and twirling the pen in your hands.
Don't forget - your communication partner is looking at you and evaluating every action. Make eye contact, be open and friendly.
Use eye contact wisely. It is enough to adhere to time intervals of three to five seconds. Staring closely can frighten the interlocutor or even embarrass him. At the same time, the complete lack of eye contact indicates your disinterest in the conversation.
How to become more confident, lively and pleasant in communication
I understand your situation and since you are reading this article, I have an effective solution for you. Trainings are great for developing communication skills.
The online intensive “Effective Communication” is suitable for:
- Entrepreneurs, executives, top managers.
- For those who work with clients, middle managers, and freelancers.
- To everyone who is involved in raising children.
- Anyone who wants to improve their communication with others.
The author of the course is Oleg Kalinichev, an expert in nonverbal behavior, emotional intelligence and lie detection. Accredited trainer Paul Ekman International. Managing Director of Paul Ekman International in Russia (PEI Russia).
You will learn:
- Communicate with closed people.
- Coping with daily problems involving other people.
- Influence your environment and much more.
The course lasts 1 month and contains 33 video lectures, 26 exercises, 6 tests + webinars with emotional intelligence experts.
The training consists of 4 blocks:
- Emotions. Basics.
- Emotional stability and emotional flexibility.
- Social efficiency.
- Building harmonious relationships.
How it goes:
- You are watching video lectures.
- Then you complete independent tasks to reinforce the material.
- Participate in webinars and discuss difficult issues.
- Take tests on the material you have studied.
- You complete the intensive course and receive a certificate.
The cost of completing it independently is 1,040 rubles, with a curator – 2,370 rubles.
They will refund your money if you decide within 7 days that the course is not suitable for you.
There is an article on our blog reviewing the Vikium platform on which the training will take place, read:
- Brain simulators and courses Vikium - the most detailed and honest review of the online learning platform + reviews
Well, are we studying?
Show loyalty to your interlocutor
Even during the most heated arguments, do not get personal, do not humiliate or offend your interlocutor. Be restrained, express your arguments logically and without reference to personal facts, remain calm.
Some More Helpful Tips for Maintaining Respectful Conversations
Pay attention not only to a person’s speech, but also to his nonverbal behavior. If you see that your argument irritates or makes your interlocutor aggressive, it is better to move the conversation to another topic.
Advice from psychologists
You can improve your communication skills with daily training. Becoming a sociable person is not difficult. Don't be a pessimist: it is much more pleasant for others to look at a smile than at a gloomy face. Learn to enjoy communication with people and enjoy it. Form your social circle of positive, pleasant and interesting interlocutors. It is very important to learn how to win someone over. There are several rules that can be followed to improve communication skills.
