How to get rid of complexes and become more confident in yourself

Have you noticed that your psychological attitudes are preventing you from living a normal, fulfilling life? And when there are a large number, they overlap each other, forming a kind of block. It creates many problems, interferes with achieving goals and greatly affects self-esteem. In the article we will touch upon a topic in psychology about how a girl can get rid of complexes, become confident and love herself.

What is it, varieties

The term was first introduced in the works of Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. They found that such blockages appear due to mental trauma, most often received in childhood. They are caused by events or phenomena that are not noticeable at first glance.

They are inextricably linked to people or memories where a person interacted with others. This includes worldview and views on reality, which are also formed under the influence of the environment. But the main difference between beliefs is that they are on the surface, that is, at the conscious level. They can be rethought and modified. Whereas the place of complexes is subconscious, and how to deal with them is not an easy question. They are well and deeply hidden, so it is worth trying to find their root cause.

Almost everyone has these blocks. Some of them have such powerful energy that they can ruin our lives, others are insignificant, and we don’t even notice them. Let's look at their varieties:

1. Male and female. They often bear the names of prominent personalities that best suit them. For example, Napoleon or Electra.
2. Physical. They are associated with appearance or with a psychological aspect (loser, guilt, etc.).
3. Positive. The winner or hero complex helps a person climb the career ladder and become successful. But often this group is also considered negative.

Throw away everything unnecessary

In parallel with overcoming, try to filter your communication with people, take a closer look at your daily activities, and also clean the information space in which you find yourself.

For example, if you are in a company where people interact through harsh criticism and insults, consider cutting ties with them.

If you are doing something that brings you nothing but disappointment, quit it. In other words, start creating a comfortable environment around you, where you feel warm and cozy.

Why do you feel insecure?

In simple words, such blocks are a person’s negative image of himself. Imagine that you yourself have hung a heavy weight on your leg, preventing you from walking on par with others. Before you understand how to cope with complexes and stop being notorious, you need to realize that they reflect the internal state of a particular individual, who is unique from others. But since we all grew up in more or less the same conditions, a group of attitudes that are common to all stands out. For example, the most common are feelings of guilt or difficulty in interacting with the opposite sex.

Start overcoming your fears

This is where the main work of overcoming complexes begins. For example, if you are afraid of public speaking, it’s time to realize this and start moving towards improving your public speaking skills.

If you want to earn more, but are afraid that management will not appreciate you, start improving your qualifications, and then ask for a promotion.

Any fear and discomfort must be eliminated through overcoming. This way, you will have much fewer complexes.

Formation example

Often the problem begins in childhood. Let's imagine that in the third grade at school the teacher put us in front of our classmates and parents and decided to reprimand us for minor offenses. She did her best in this matter, but, as it seemed to her, only for good purposes.

If you take things to heart, you will experience strong emotions near the board. This feeling will be fixed on a subconscious level and will haunt you in adulthood.

If you feel lonely or abandoned, the reason may be that you were left alone for long periods of time as a child. The feeling of inferiority arises from frequent humiliations in the past.

This list can be continued for a long time. But don’t think that complexes arise solely because of dramatic shocks. Phrases heard addressed to you are often the reason for blocks. “What kind of child are you? When will you be normal?” or “Look at the other children, you’re stupid.” Careless statements from adults have their negative consequences. Kids perceive them more sharply, they do not yet have their own opinion, and their psyche has not yet fully formed. Parents are an authority for them. And if they tell us that they don’t love us or that everything is wrong with us, then the result will be disastrous.

Find your strengths

At the same time, in the process of self-improvement, take a closer look at the activities that you do better than others and evoke an internal response. You can even make a whole list that will include not only your professional skills, but also strong personal qualities.

This practice pumps up self-esteem very well, because with the baggage of complexes it is she who suffers the most.

By voicing and identifying your strengths, you will definitely become more confident in yourself and set guidelines for further development. You can even remind yourself of how cool, slim, beautiful and brave you are. In popular psychology, this practice is called affirmation. This is a short positive statement that creates the right psychological attitude. For example, “I’m cool.”

What impact do complexes have on life?

Such attitudes do not allow us to fully spread our wings. They deprive a person of freedom and creativity, and this already affects things that are really important to him.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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After all, blocks “turn on” the same, ineffective behavior in those situations where they are involved. Because of this, the world seems to stop, nothing changes.

For example, you have long wanted to start traveling, write a book, start a family, leave a job you don’t like and make money doing what you love. But as soon as you take the first step, a pressing feeling appears, a state with specific thoughts and images, doubts. And you give up trying to change.

Take care of yourself

Now start pumping up your skills and personal qualities in an intensive mode. We have already talked about overcoming oneself by identifying certain fears. However, getting better isn't just about finding problems.

Start playing sports to improve your physical abilities, try to resort to fiction to improve your style. Find yourself a productive hobby with a few like-minded people, plunge into creativity, master a new useful skill, and try to develop in other ways.

Imagine that you are a character in a game who earns experience points and they need to be distributed among different areas - from eloquence to potions.

Do you need to fight your complexes?

If blocks prevent you from living life to the fullest and doing what you want, then, of course, it is necessary to overcome them. But there are attitudes that are also positive. For example, the psychologist Adler, who discovered the concept of inferiority, believed that it was useful. It forces people to improve and grow. If a person is satisfied with himself, then he does not think about development. This means he will never become the best version of himself. But remember that deliverance is not the end goal. It is just a tool to gain freedom.

How to stop having complexes in bed

The intimate sphere is called “intimate”, since it refers to the most intimate of a person - his body and soul. Some, of course, push their soul into a far corner, but, you must admit, when you are naked and they laugh at you or betray you, it hurts painfully. This means that the soul is still indirectly affected in sexual relations.

There are many complexes in sex that prevent a person from living freely. This applies to physical characteristics and various feelings that arise after psychological trauma on this basis.

A couple has a complex in bed.
This is where the complex of small breasts and other genital organs, victim complexes and other problems in this area appear.

After sex, sometimes there is a feeling of guilt, dissatisfaction with oneself, a feeling of dissatisfaction. Women worry about their appearance, men worry about their physical characteristics and erection success. But the intimate sphere is therefore intimate, because sexual complexes have no place here. If they exist, they will also manifest themselves physically: insufficient secretion of hormones, disruption of the satisfaction process.

You need to get rid of them immediately. Ask yourself: do you trust your partner? The psychology of men and women is structured differently. Men are less likely to experience feelings of inferiority - only if they are laughed at or they love a woman very much, then their vulnerability goes off scale. Women need to provide maximum conditions for intimacy, otherwise there will be complexes!

So, getting rid of insecurities in bed is based on trust and love. Never discuss the size of your partner’s genitals or compare all the characters in your novel. Praise each other and encourage each other to be relaxed, bring romance into your relationships and support and take care of each other in everyday life, then your intimate sphere will be at its best.

The first steps in the fight against psychological attitudes

Before getting rid of the block, you need to see at what point it starts to “turn on”. If a person is not aware of its presence, then he will not take action to eliminate it. And the discomfort will continue to appear every time.

The next stage is returning attention to the body. Relax and start observing. You will notice that gradually the constriction in the psyche will begin to decrease. Try to feel your face, back, arms and legs separately. Take a deep breath. To calm down, lightly shake your palms.

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Stop the flow of thoughts. Internal dialogues interfere with the fight against complexes, as they emotionally feed them. Stopping reflection is not easy, especially in an advanced state of being included in the block. Some thought processes occur deep in the subconscious, and we may not notice them. So don't think that you can do it right away. It will take time and a lot of training.

Give the unpleasant feeling a name. This way you will become familiar with your own traumatized image. Ask yourself: “What am I experiencing right now? What's going on in me? Perhaps there is shame or guilt hiding behind the anxiety. And irritation is a mask for resentment or envy. Knowing the “enemy” by sight makes it easier to defeat him. After all, everything unfamiliar and unknown is experienced more difficult.

And most importantly, learn to love and respect yourself. It is necessary to stop depending on other people's opinions and the views of others. Don’t be shy to seem “different” from everyone else; don’t try to please everyone around you. Accept yourself along with your own shortcomings and remember that you have more advantages. And when you do this, many installations will go away on their own.

2. Become less demanding of yourself

Some people are very demanding of themselves, and therefore experience constant dissatisfaction. They may not like literally everything about themselves - from their appearance to their career position.

However, it is likely that such people simply underestimate the significance of their successes and are guided by unrealistic beauty standards.

Each of us needs to remember that we cannot do everything and we do not have to look like action heroes who took several hours to make up. We are original and will achieve everything at our own pace, so don’t rush and be biased towards yourself.

• FAQ: 8 things successful people do to look confident (even when they're not)

Content:

• What is a psychological complex or personality complex? Complexes - what is it about?
• Where do complexes come from?

Examples to follow

You will be supported on this path by real examples of people who managed to gain inner freedom and confidence. Find role models for yourself, real characters who managed to overcome internal limitations and become liberated, living in harmony with themselves and following their desires. Let these be people of the same sex as you, who are similar to you in some way (for example, details of their personal history and the presence of complexes in the past).

Again, it is important that these characters respond to you and include you. There are no presets or correct answers here. For example, Oprah Winfrey can be admired by millions of people and set an example for everyone, but if she leaves you indifferent, this is not your option. Perhaps you are closer to some little-known YouTube blogger, whom you endlessly admire for her naturalness and originality of thinking. Find the personality that will give you the energy boost to grow.

Here it is worth explaining that simply contemplating photos of successful people and watching videos of those who made themselves, you cannot become as successful and famous. However, in this way we engage a psychological mechanism of identification, in which we semi-consciously begin to adopt the traits and characteristics of those with whom we want to associate ourselves. Identification is not always useful, sometimes it is a defense mechanism, but in this case we consciously chose a worthy example for ourselves, and therefore such identification is positive and adaptive.

To consolidate the positive effect, create conditions where you will regularly encounter the object of identification (your inspiring example): watch a video, listen to an interview with this person, place his photo where your gaze will often fall on him, communicate with him, if there is one opportunity.

New Behaviors

Now is the time to start teaching yourself new behaviors that are more effective and varied. Since they are new and unfamiliar, they can be difficult to walk at first and cause discomfort and resistance. However, they are necessary if we want to live in a new way and correspond to a new resourceful image of ourselves.

Again, the first step is to clarify exactly how we want to act in specific situations. For example, “if earlier I was shy and looked for flaws in my appearance, noticing how beautiful others looked, now I want to feel calm in the presence of attractive women, notice their beauty, compliment them and at the same time remain satisfied with myself.” First we need to formulate the goal verbally, then we need to clarify how we will live it.

We imagine this social situation and ourselves in it. We see ourselves calm, confident, satisfied with ourselves, feeling comfortable and good. With this feeling we play out a situation where we look at other women, admire their beauty, calmly notice the signs of attention, maintaining our calm and harmonious feeling, and at the same time feel attractive. It is important to feel what it’s like, to live this situation differently, not as before, but from a position of self-confidence, harmony and strength (as you yourself understand, you need to work specifically with your situation, we just gave an example).

If everything went well, a new understanding or insight may emerge. In any case, we have “rehearsed” a new course of action, a new model of behavior. Since for the brain there is no difference between what is imagined and what is happening in reality (with such a “living” fantasy), we have added a successful example to our personal experience. The more often we play and practice new methods, the more natural they will become for us. And of course, confirm them in real life!

Difficult relationships

Victim complex

People with such “baggage” tend to blame others for all their troubles. They perceive the whole world in black or gray colors, all the time they are in tense anticipation of a new portion of difficulties and failures. It often seems to them that everyone around them is deliberately getting on their nerves, driving them into hysterics with ridiculous demands and using them for their own selfish purposes. People are not trusted, because they are all “not as simple as they want to seem.” Do you recognize yourself in this description? How to get rid of complexes? It's time to act!

• We radically change our position from a victim to a winner who managed to overcome all obstacles, survive grief, troubles and a lot of problems. After all the blows of fate that really destroyed the familiar world, you cannot allow cockroaches to destroy your personality.
• A little “not giving a damn” does anyone any good, least of all the victim. We push haste, scandals, and stress into the background. Let's stop fighting for survival and start living fully. You deserve better and deep down you know it.

Guilt

• Feelings of guilt are directly related to feelings of inferiority, and manifest themselves as hyper-responsibility to specific people and the world as a whole. Like a tumor, it grows imperceptibly, gradually spreading more and more in the body, filling more and more space. Everything should have a limit, a feeling of guilt for an offense or unfair treatment of a person - this is natural. But many “offences” are simply made up. There is no need to shoulder the burden of responsibility for the whole world. How to avoid feelings of guilt?
• If we are talking about an actual offense, you just need to apologize to the person and forgive yourself. The last one is the most difficult, but try to justify yourself, for example, by saying that it happened by accident. If you had known in advance the consequences of your actions, you would have acted differently. This is true? This means you have the right to forgive yourself.
• Learning to refuse people without guilt is one of the main problems on the path to deliverance. Remember that, in principle, you cannot be good to everyone, I will not assure you of this, just believe me, this is the rule of the universe. If the interlocutor is unable to adequately respond to your refusal, you should think about excluding him from your environment. Other people's interests should not be higher than yours, otherwise there can be no question of any respect. Forming the habit of expressing your point of view will also not be superfluous.