How to break up with a married man? A ringed man, like a spider, lures young beauties into his own web, completely absorbing them. After all, young ladies give preference to experienced and mature partners, serious, successful and capable of placing responsibility on themselves for everything that happens to them in life. In addition, a married male seems to have a quality mark. Since he was chosen to create a marriage union, then he deserves it. However, an affair with a “married man”, if you remove the moral aspect, then in addition to pleasure it is fraught with pain and disappointment. After all, it is a very rare man who will dare to break family ties for the sake of his mistress.
Often, affairs with unfree partners end in nothing or a depressive state. And therefore, as soon as the scales fell from our eyes and the understanding dawned that the “married man” was content with living a lie, that he was not going to leave his family, it was necessary to urgently stop all interaction with him.
How to get ready for a breakup: advice from psychologists
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; healing mental wounds will still take time.
A mistress who has decided to get rid of addiction must understand that another woman exists not only in a man’s stories. She is a very real person, forced to live in deception. Does the lover have a reason to be proud of such a relationship? Does she respect a man who leads a double life and does not spare the feelings of two women at once?
Many married men cite discord with their spouse, whose divorce is prevented by habit or common children. In all these excuses, the mistress sees the hope that one day her beloved will get divorced and will belong to her completely.
It is worth looking back at the experience of generations and understanding that a person who wants to get a divorce will get a divorce without excuses or delays. Words spoken in the heat of passion often turn out to be empty chatter.
The novelty of feelings and the opportunity to feel needed by both his wife and his mistress are what attracts a man to such a life. The decision to break up remains with the woman, since the lover is completely satisfied with the situation.
Mistakes that are important to avoid
The woman accepted the difficult situation that she would have to separate, despite the fact that she had feelings. She managed to voice a difficult decision for herself and went through a difficult period of breakup. At this stage, a fiery dance on a rake awaits her:
- Persuasion from the ex. Boys at any age find it difficult to give up their favorite toy, even if the relationship had to be carefully hidden. The very fact that he was abandoned hurts male pride. The return of the prodigal son usually follows the classic scenario: luxurious bouquets of roses, expensive gifts, vows of love and a promise to leave his disgusted wife. The ending of the story is sad: the lover will amuse his vanity, provide himself with free sex and put an end to the relationship, “restoring justice.”
- Conversations with my wife. Guilt is a wonderful quality, but it's best to keep it to yourself. Spouses are rarely stupid, so they often suspect their husband’s adventures. Mistresses dream of a happy future, and wives bury their heads in the sand, trying not to notice the obvious. They would prefer to discuss their family problems with their friends rather than with their rival. The spouse does not need apologies, repentance, excuses and wishes for happiness. If you want to lull your conscience, you can do charity work, visit an orphanage or a dog shelter.
- Farewell sex. It is impossible to think of anything more stupid, since intimate intimacy will not alleviate mental suffering. After a serious conversation about breaking up, bed should become a strict taboo.
- Return. Without the daily admiration of her lover, his moral and material support, a woman feels uncomfortable. This is not a reason to return to a married admirer. There were still no prospects for the relationship. It is better now to come to terms with the immutable truth.
- Revenge. Another mistake that psychologists call fatal. Yes, the man took away youth, years, strength and beauty. However, no one forced the mistress to agree to an affair. In the secret alliance, both were happy, so there is no serious reason for the vendetta.
A relationship with a married man can be ended at any stage, if desired. Different situations have their own characteristics and nuances, but every self-respecting woman is capable of taking a decisive step and breaking. There is no need to put life off until later and sacrifice yourself. The last goodbye always becomes a lucky lottery ticket.
Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly?
It is important to understand that there is no painless way; it will still take time to heal mental wounds.
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away.
It is worth considering your temperament when choosing a method, so as not to break down.
A quick way to end a relationship in 2 days
Once you decide to break up, you need to start taking action right away. You should not give a chance to once again promise a beautiful future, or listen to empty assurances. You need to part in such a way that the person will never meet you on the way again and will not interfere with your life in peace.
It is best to talk frankly with your lover. Explain to him your position, speak detachedly and emphatically politely. Quarrels and scandals will lead to aggression on the part of a man and unnecessary stress, so you can avoid a personal conversation and resolve the issue with a phone call.
After such a conversation, all contacts should be stopped. No correspondence, calls, meetings. If you have to meet at work or in a common company, you should limit yourself to short remarks and rare polite addresses. It is best to completely eliminate it from your life, albeit with the help of drastic changes.
You should not be afraid of being fired or changing your social circle.
If a married lover does not give up trying to achieve a conversation or meeting, then complete ignorance will sooner or later make him understand the seriousness of the decision made.
He will switch to his family or go to conquer new available girls.
Conversation5
- Choose a time and place that is convenient for both of you. It should be just the two of you. A quiet and cozy cafe, a park - choose the location at your discretion. Let this be neutral territory. You don't need to meet at his home or somewhere you feel uncomfortable.
If you don't know what reaction to expect from a man, choose a crowded place.
- Try to stay calm. Speak confidently and firmly.
- You can start the conversation with what doesn't suit you in your relationship. Emphasize that this format does not suit you, and you no longer agree to live as before.
- If a man tries to convince you, stand your ground. Don’t be fooled by his persuasion and oath promises to leave his wife. Especially if he has used this tactic before.
- Be firm in your intention. If you yourself are not sure that you really want to break up, you will not be able to convince a man of this. He will put pressure on you, you will break, and your relationship will continue.
- Don't answer his messages and calls. There is a high probability that he will promise you to leave his wife, put pressure on you to feel guilty, and use various manipulations. There is no turning back.
Did he leave his wife?
No?
Adios.
Practical advice
Psychologists give a number of recommendations for getting out of this situation.
Take a sober look at the situation
It is unlikely that a woman has a conscious desire to become the mistress of a married man. Everyone dreams of sincere love, a happy family, common friends and hobbies. A woman in love wants to be proud of her chosen one, tell her friends about him, be confident in the future and feel protected.
Continuing meetings means agreeing to a threesome relationship
Someone else's husband cannot give a woman any of the above. Most often, relationships are based on flaring passion and end in a painful breakup.
A man prone to cheating will not attach much importance to the feelings of his new lover, and for a woman such an affair can result in psychological trauma and leave a heavy mark.
Meetings with a married lover are always like a first date. They take place on neutral territory, accompanied by gifts and beautiful gestures. A woman gets used to such manifestations of affection and does not think that sharing life with a man is a completely different matter. This role has already been assigned to the wife, whose expectations are also deceived.
Continuing to meet means agreeing to a threesome relationship. They will always contain the image of the wife, her calls, the man’s lies. You will have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one spends his nights with another woman and has sex with her. This is not so easy to realize.
Change your behavior
Mistresses do not cease to be faithful women; they remain faithful to their partner, forgetting that his life is not limited to one lady of his heart.
You will have to come to terms with the fact that your loved one spends his nights with another woman and has sex with her.
When leaving, the man continues his busy life, playing the role of a family man and faithful spouse. And the mistress wastes her days and nights, waiting for the next appointment of a secret meeting.
Preparation4
- Enlist the support of your loved ones (this man is no longer one of them). If you’re not ready to tell your secret to friends and relatives, it doesn’t matter.
Just start spending more time with them. Enjoy being with people who truly love you. Charge yourself with this energy.
Let time with your loved ones remind you that the light did not fall like a wedge on this man. Even without him, you still have people who are truly valuable to you.
- Do you have a close friend or relative to whom you could vent? Do it. It will become much easier for you. After months (or years) of secrets and lies, you will feel a huge sense of relief. Tell about your intention to break up with the man. Get support. You will again be convinced of the correctness of your decision.
- No one to talk to? This is not a reason to keep everything to yourself. Write down your feelings and emotions in a diary or blog. Should I keep my posts private or make them public? At your discretion. On a thematic forum you can exchange experiences with other women who find themselves in the same situation.
- Take time for yourself. Be selfish. Remember your needs and desires. Self-care, healthy sleep, sports or meditation - start giving yourself as much love as you gave to a man.
- Find yourself a new hobby, set yourself a new goal related to work or study. This will help you get through the breakup with minimal losses.
How to get over a breakup if you're still in love
After a breakup, there will be a period of doubt. Feelings do not disappear quickly, so worries, sadness and longing for a loved one will definitely come to a woman. How to cope with emotions?
Be alone
A bad breakup requires a lot of strength and energy. Usually after a breakup people feel devastated. The woman no longer has anyone to occupy her thoughts; she does not feel her former support.
It's completely normal to spend a few days alone. Cry without being embarrassed by anyone, get some sleep. This period will put your thoughts in order and relieve you of the first and most difficult emotions.
No to fairy tales and excuses
Do not believe a man if he says that he dreams of a divorce, but cannot do it now. He may make the excuse that the children are still small and he wants to protect them from injury. Or the fact that in the event of a divorce, his wife threatens not to leave him even a thread, and he does not want to start family life with you as a hungry man. Or the fact that his wife is terminally ill and he cannot leave her in this condition. Don't believe it.
A man living in a marriage and having a mistress is guided by considerations of his own comfort. At home there is a well-established life, at the mistress there is passionate sex. He sits on two chairs, and that suits him.
Also, do not believe the stereotype that among single people there are only gays and abnormal people. This is not true, there are a lot of worthy men who are not bound by marriage. And you have every chance to meet such a man and build a full-fledged relationship with him.
The role of temperament during a breakup
Temperament influences behavior in different life situations.
Each type has features:
- Choleric people approach relationships pragmatically and do not consider creating a family their main goal. They study a potential partner for a long time, looking for similarities in interests and outlook on life. Such people rarely fall in love, but they leave the relationship quite painfully and become strongly attached; due to frequent changes in mood, they are able to abruptly break off ties, even if they regret it.
- Sanguine people primarily look for a friend in a partner and strive for variety; they tend to fall in love often. They do not strive for constant control over their chosen one, they are generous with attention, and love to give gifts. Feeling discomfort in a relationship, sanguine people quickly pull away and easily leave.
- Phlegmatic people see their partner as a helper and choose with their mind, not their heart. They seek traditional relationships and predictability, value accepted moral principles highly, take relationships seriously, and are slow to let people approach you. Phlegmatic people leave after carefully weighing all the pros and cons and justifying the decision.
- Melancholic people are the most sensitive of all types. These people value romance, devote themselves completely to new relationships, become emotionally attached to their partner, and make sacrifices and concessions. They idealize their partners, have high expectations and are often disappointed, and they endure separation hard, do not let go of feelings for a long time and cannot hide them.
Why are married men attractive?
A man living in a family is always clean and well-groomed. He is calm, he demands less and gives more, because the second relationship matters less to him, and he knows that this is not forever. He is more inventive, with his mistress he has access to those desires that in family life for some reason he is forced to suppress.
A woman dating a married man gets the feeling of winning over another woman. Love with an unfree man is perceived as a reward; there is no place for obligations and responsibility. The woman also realizes that this will not last forever and gives herself free rein to realize her desires and fantasies.
What to do next?
In order not to get depressed, it is important to abstract yourself from sad thoughts in time. Various activities can help with this:
- Focus on your career . It's time to make your dreams of successful professional self-realization come true.
- Get creative . This is the most effective way to get rid of sad thoughts, which also helps to identify your hidden talents.
- Chat with friends . New acquaintances, noisy meetings and cheerful companies are the best cure for the blues.
You should not immediately seek solace in the arms of another man. This will only bring a short-term calming effect and unnecessary familiarity, which, moreover, may turn out to be similar to past experience.
