It is important for a person to create an internal base or an internal sense of self-worth that does not depend on external factors, people, or communication. Many people live abstractly, exist automatically, perform the same actions every day and do not notice it.
Self-worth helps you fully accept yourself, feel inner balance, integrity and, as a result, self-confidence. We will not delve into esotericism, awareness or harmony, but we will tell you how to find inner support and become yourself.
A man of action. The main method of the powers that be
There is another good quality - he is a man of action.
There are very few such people, but they are all successful and rich. Such people not only talk and, after a while, act. They plan and then act quickly and immediately. They quickly make a decision and immediately begin implementation. What does it mean to be a man of action? The time between idea and implementation becomes minimal. While others are gathering, making plans, thinking, calculating and dreaming, the man of action has already begun.
A person of action starts earlier than others and is more flexible in making decisions. He tries out an idea, a theory or a dream, and then looks at the intermediate result. If he is not satisfied, he changes the strategy or refuses implementation. A man of action is always several steps ahead of others.
Self-worth - what is it?
This is a fairly deep and multifaceted concept. Self-worth is about relationships with yourself, the ability to value and take care of yourself, to perceive yourself as you really are. Listen to yourself and your desires, live in harmony with your “I”. Love and respect yourself not for any specific merits or approval of others, but because you are a person. Unique and unique, whose life is unique and priceless.
But few people realize how valuable it is. Since childhood, we have become accustomed to being constantly evaluated, praised, and criticized. We are expected to meet certain standards of behavior. Going beyond them often leads to disapproval or misunderstanding from society, family, and friends. And we are afraid of it.
The fear of not being like everyone else, of being different from others, alienates us from ourselves. We lose our value in our own eyes. We stop understanding ourselves, feeling our desires and needs, moving towards goals and simply enjoying life. Without the need for social approval.
The desire to constantly please others and meet the expectations of others at the expense of one’s own desires entails negative consequences. Mental disorders, neuroses, diseases. Sometimes this can lead to complete personality destruction and suicide.
Self-worth is directly related to our sense of self. When a person does what he loves, makes progress, reaches new heights, his self-worth grows
He feels his importance, that he does not live in vain, his existence makes the world a better place, and life is filled with meaning.
This is also transmitted to others. A person with high self-worth feels calm, harmony, and love for others. Such a person is able to believe in himself and trust himself. Even when he consults with others or asks for help, he makes a balanced and deliberate decision. Only those with high self-esteem can value not only themselves, but also those around them.
Overcompensation
Hypercompensation (Greek hyper - over, compensare - to compensate) is a special type of compensation, as a result of which it is possible to occupy a dominant position in relation to others.
A person who is unsure of his worth often resorts to this method. He wants to provide evidence to the whole world in favor of the fact that he is valuable and good. Often, asthenic workers stay up late studying piles of papers, wanting to please their manager and receive long-awaited praise. But all they achieve is to create new problems for themselves. After all, with all the desire, a melancholic person cannot turn into an energetic choleric person. Mental characteristics must be taken into account when drawing up a work and rest schedule. You need to know your strengths and weaknesses.
A person who does not have a sense of self-worth has practically no personal guidelines. He measures his life not by what is valuable and important to him personally, but by what others expect from him. Whether he will get a “pat on the head” from them or not is another question (in reality, it is almost impossible to please everyone; there will always be a detail for which they can “kick”). The root of all the troubles of those who have chosen the strategy of overcompensation is that the assessment of others becomes his main life guide. But this is a real dead end. After all, others cannot know what is good for a person and what is not. They live by their value system. If it is beneficial for the boss that their employee stays late without additional pay, he will always be in favor; he is unlikely to be concerned about the health of his subordinate.
Law of the magic word
It turns out that the magic word is “NO,” and not “please.” Many problems can be avoided if you learn to refuse people. Do not spend time in empty communication “out of politeness.” Don't lend money when you don't want to. This is much better than suffering over whether they will return it or not. Give what you can give, but don’t lend. Goethe said: “If you want to lose a friend, lend him money.”
I discovered an interesting phenomenon. When a person refuses with reason, his self-esteem increases and self-respect increases. People are afraid to refuse. Do you know why? They are afraid of not being liked! And you can't please everyone. Learn to calmly experience other people's negative emotions about your refusal. If you immediately say “NO”, then it will be easier to justify the refusal. Refuse easily.
What gives you a sense of self-worth
Self-worth is a person’s ability to accept and respect himself, regardless of what mistakes he has made or what successes he has (not) achieved. One who has this quality loves himself regardless of all conditions and reservations.
When a person with low self-esteem learns to accept himself, to rejoice simply in the fact that he exists in this world, he finds inner peace. Stress and tension gradually go away, and in return there is a desire to pursue your interests and hobbies. If you take your time and periodically allow yourself to feel this state of total self-acceptance, ways out of situations that previously seemed hopeless will appear.
It becomes easier to concentrate on your needs - finally go to the doctor or to the gym, discuss an important topic with your loved one, relieve yourself a little from work
Attention to yourself
A person who is not sure of his own worth has little understanding of what he really wants. As a result, the torment of choice awaits him everywhere, and it is difficult for him to make a decision. And he often finds himself in the position of Buridan’s donkey, who is left with nothing and dies of hunger, standing in front of two equal piles of hay. Also, a person with low self-esteem poorly understands what he really feels and does not recognize signals coming from the body.
All this means that the first step to realizing your own worth is to learn to recognize your desires. You can start with the simplest thing by asking yourself a few questions:
- what foods do I like;
- what films I like to watch;
- what music to listen to;
- what life events bring joy;
- some, on the contrary, deprive you of strength.
It is also useful in a stressful or unpleasant situation to ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now?” This will help to recognize the causes of negative emotions - fear, aggression, anxiety.
Recognition of the self-worth of the individual
Trying to understand what the self-worth of a person is, it turns out that this is not just affectionate and pleasant acceptance, but a basic category, without which the healthy existence of the psyche is impossible. The less of this manifestation a person has, the more neuroses he has in trying to make himself into something else, the more tendencies to develop mental illnesses and somatic abnormalities. The inability to love one's essence in its original form can lead to latent suicidal behavior, and as a consequence of this, antisocial behavior begins. As a result, social mechanisms that try to stabilize society by setting boundaries only further undermine its foundations with these restrictions.
The intrinsic value of life was automatically recognized after several wars and total deaths that shocked all of humanity. The more people encountered massacres and looked at the consequences, the more they realized that no change is worth human life. It was this that was recognized as the main and inviolable value, no matter what sources were used in regulating legal or spiritual aspects and no matter what institutions questioned the moment.
In all religious denominations, in all legislative acts, the first and most inviolable thing is human life. This understanding is universal, but sufficient acceptance is not given to the one who realizes this life, how he appears in this world. It turns out that there is value in life, but there is no value in personality, its originality and naturalness.
The self-worth of the individual now requires the same unambiguous recognition as the intrinsic value of life. It is the inalienable right of everyone to exist and exist as they can. Just as the value of life is a priori regulated by higher laws, so its personal and characterological characteristics must be in their original form.
Self-worth is something that should not only be passively accepted, but also required to be actively defended. For example, this concept should not be confused with selfishness, because selfishness of manifestations always rests on demands from another, to show a certain internal insufficiency, while self-worth is full and harmonious. In essence, after accepting the intrinsic value of oneself and others, if this were within the framework of a utopian concept and happened to everyone at the same time, then wars and claims on earth would cease. The whole economic system of remaking people would collapse, but a feeling of harmony would come and in every corner people would be able to feel as protected as at home, where everyone is family and filled only with love.
Recognition of self-worth at the legal level will create a society based on honest and open interaction. Around one individual with a clearly recognized value, not only harmonious and deep personal relationships develop, but also a high level of professionalism and awareness in his approach to life. This provides multiple internal supports, even when a person is ready to give up. So, when a person with low self-worth tries to solve some issue, he may neglect important points, just as he usually neglects himself, but a harmonious person who values those around him and his own manifestations will not look for stupid solutions to situations, but will offer optimal, harmonious ways for all.
When does transformation begin?
While on the spiritual path, we are usually immersed in new information, and this increases the sensitivity of our perception. But no matter how expanded it may become, we look at everything from a fragment of the mirror of personal 3-dimensionality, until we move on to understanding reality not through mental assessments, but through feelings.
Connecting with your Soul is a breakthrough from mental space. This enriches perception, reveals new sides of oneself, leads to a different quality of life, but... self-esteem does not change significantly.
This happens when consciousness “shifts” in a quantum leap and there is a clear knowledge of Who I Am.
For some this happens instantly, for others it happens gradually. But, one way or another, processes begin that affect the entire psyche: all components of the self-image, the entire set of ideas about oneself. This is a whole system of “I”.
It is called
“Self-Concept”,
and self-esteem is its core.
Managing people, manipulating consciousness, which the media, traditions, religions are aimed at, is the art of interfering with the “I-Concept”. This structure is so sacred that it is far from being studied in depth in psychology. At the same time, it is a direction, a compass
in the spiritual path:
the transformation of a person as a unit of God consciousness occurs when changes are made in the “I-Concept”.
What subconscious traps are holding us back that a spiritual seeker needs to overcome?
Psychologists who dare to touch the depths of the “I-Concept” analyze it in different ways. Let's briefly look at it like this:
- The block of self-identity “I” is “I”
- Block “I am like this”
- Block “Me and Others”
- Self-esteem
System of values
People who are not aware of their value have a very vague value. The first thing to do is to explore what is truly important to you, developing your worldview. Try to determine what is acceptable for you and what is not. Of course, this in no way means that you need to try to teach life to everyone you meet.
Developing your own value system will help you build your spiritual core and find your own support in life. You will be able to understand what to focus on when choosing friends, which wife (or which husband) will suit you, which decisions on the path of life will be correct.
Useful techniques and exercises
To achieve a high level of self-worth and know yourself, you should constantly exercise and work on yourself. Below are some useful practices that will help you with this.
- Remember the feelings you had in some unpleasant conflict. Write about how you feel at this moment and who you think is to blame for this. You may be hurt, confused, or desperate.
- Now think about why you had such emotions, whether they could have changed with other life experiences. Describe so that you can feel and think that the way you reacted was correct.
- Write what reaction you had and what actions you took. How difficult was this decision for you? Try to be understanding of yourself and your choice in that situation.
- Consider whether you need support during the analysis. Whose advice would you need, what would it be and in what form. Now try to contact this person.
You can also try bodily techniques. They will also help in this difficult matter. For example, do a warm-up and walk a little. At the same time, your legs should feel heavy, as if your legs were glued to the surface. Then feel that you are standing firmly. Feel your body, its movements, breathing. You can try this technique all the time. Over time, the feeling of stability and self-confidence will grow and increase.
Factors influencing the formation of self-esteem
Inadequate self-esteem is always bad; it creates discomfort and problems for both the person himself and his environment. But can an individual be blamed for having a wrong self-image? Under the influence of what is self-esteem formed?
Social factors
The foundations of self-esteem are laid in childhood, from the moment when the baby becomes aware of his “I” and begins to compare himself with other children and adults. But in preschool, and even at primary school age, children cannot yet adequately analyze their qualities and their behavior, therefore the evaluative sphere is formed entirely under the influence of adults. Remember how V. Mayakovsky wrote: “The little son came to his father, and the little one asked: “What is good?” And what is bad?
Therefore, it is the wrong actions of adults that give impetus to the formation of inadequate self-esteem. Here are some of them:
- unfair or excessive punishments;
- unreasonable and too frequent praise;
- constant comparison of the child with other children to show his weaknesses, inability, disobedience;
- the position of a “king” in the family or a favorite at school;
- emphasizing and focusing the child’s attention on his failures and mistakes.
Child psychologists believe that, in general, praise and encouragement are more beneficial, while constant reprimands and punishments are harmful. The fact is that we experience negative emotions more strongly than positive ones. And unpleasant sensations are stored in memory longer and have a stronger impact on our behavior. This happened in the process of evolution.
The opinions of people around us have a great influence on the formation of self-esteem and of an adult, especially when it comes to socially significant people whose opinions are important to us
Personal factors
The formation of self-esteem is also influenced by a person’s individual characteristics, the uniqueness of emotions, temperament, and character.
People with a sensitive psyche worry more about their failures and about the assessments of others than those who are less emotional.
- A person whose melancholic traits predominate tends to get upset even over a minor random remark and remember it for a long time.
- A phlegmatic person may not even pay attention to the remark.
- Closed, unsociable introverts worry less about the assessments of others than sociable extroverts. On the other hand, extroverts, due to their tendency to demonstrate behavior, often suffer from inflated self-esteem. But people who avoid people and prefer solitude often consider themselves superior to others and despise those around them who are unworthy of communicating with them.
That is, individual personality characteristics certainly influence the formation of self-esteem, but its vector is determined primarily by the social environment. There is another important factor related to a person’s assessment of his own “I”.
Level of aspiration
We all strive for something in life, we set goals for ourselves. And these goals are different: some want to earn money for a new apartment, some want to create their own thriving company, and for others a trip to the sea is the ultimate dream. The degree of complexity, difficulty of a goal or task that a person defines for himself is the level of his aspirations.
Just like self-esteem, the level of aspirations can be adequate or inadequate. Adequate is one where goals correspond to human capabilities. If a school graduate with poor knowledge and low Unified State Exam grades decides to apply to a prestigious metropolitan university, then he clearly has an inadequate, inflated level of aspirations. And when a good student refuses to enroll in a higher education institution because he is afraid of failure, then his level of aspiration is too low. Both are bad.
The level of aspirations is formed under the influence of successes and failures that accompany a person on the path of life, and, in turn, affects the formation of self-esteem. After all, an athlete, constantly setting a bar for himself that he cannot jump over, will very quickly become disappointed in his abilities and in the ability to achieve success. And a low level of aspirations does not contribute to the development of self-esteem and self-confidence.
But psychologists still believe that a low level is worse than a high level and has a bad effect on the formation of personality and its position in society. It makes a person a socially passive loser who does not strive for success.
How does high self-esteem manifest itself and how can it harm?
With inflated self-esteem, an individual tends to overestimate his capabilities and, accordingly, has an increased level of aspirations. He is self-confident, takes on the most difficult cases, even beyond his real capabilities, is categorical in his assessments and stubborn as a donkey in his statements. It is almost impossible to convince him, he does not take into account the opinions of others, and is inclined to idealize his own person.
The main signs of high self-esteem are the following manifestations: • Arrogance and arrogance. • Lack of self-criticism and painful perception of criticism from others. • Boundless self-confidence, lack of authority, ignoring other people's opinions. • Leadership ambitions, the desire to be first always and everywhere, envy and hostility towards more successful people. • In case of failure of projects, non-admission of one's guilt and incompetence, manifestation of aggression towards competitors, shifting responsibility to others. • Imposing your opinion, advice and experience, even if no one was interested in them. • The predominance of his own self in any conversation, which he will in any case turn into a discussion of his beloved self and ordinary bragging. • A person with high self-esteem often becomes toxic, because he would rather drive those around him to a nervous breakdown than himself, because he is independent of other people's opinions and is not at all worried about this. Read more about toxic relationships.
Most often, the origins of excessively high self-esteem lie in childhood, when a spoiled child is accustomed to being the center of adult attention and always getting what is required. The little family idol, whom everyone admires, indulges all his whims and fulfills his desires, begins to believe in his exclusivity and with such convictions enters adulthood. By the way, inflated self-esteem can also develop in adulthood in the presence of exceptional circumstances. For example, when a girl turns out to be the only representative of the fairer sex in a purely male team or is distinguished by extraordinary external characteristics that attract everyone's attention to her.
Personality assessment versus self-worth
A child is born with self-worth, loving himself and the world. Psychologists know this from experiences of immersing clients in a trance, hypnotic or other altered state of consciousness, in which they were able to recall very early memories. All people describe the first years of their lives (from birth to about three years old) as incredibly beautiful and wonderful, when they felt true endless love within themselves and around them.
True, priceless love is very rare... Even though people say to each other: “I love you! Thank you for existing!”, they expect from their loved ones that they will meet their ideal, requirements, requests, that they will prove in words and deeds that they are worthy of love and love.
No one is ready to love a person just because he is who he is. Sooner or later, the “highlights” in someone else begin to irritate and the “cockroaches in the head” begin to make them angry.
The need to prove and achieve love and respect is, in fact, a habit formed in childhood. The child quickly understands the connection between the assessment “You are good!” and love: “When mom says I’m good, she loves me!”
And when does a mother give her child the ratings “good”, “best”, “dear”, “darling”? When a child obeys her unquestioningly, fulfills all demands and requests without complaint. It is very rare when mothers say that they love their children just like that, regardless of what they do, they say how they behave, what they look like, what grades they give in their diaries, and so on.
Here are three erroneous stereotypes:
- Worth and self-worth must be earned.
- They love the one who is the best; someone who is good-looking, smart, talented, rich, and so on.
- Being yourself, individual and unique is dangerous. After all, in order for someone to love, you need to conform, adapt to the expectations of this person (mom, dad, wife/husband, boss, etc.) and, in general, to the requirements of society!
Self-identity block: “I” is “I”
Why does the search for an answer to the question “Who am I” usually last for many years? Because of our strong identification of ourselves with the image that the mind has created. The destruction of these ideas is a shaking of the foundation on which we stand, the death of what we consider ourselves to be. And to prevent this from happening, we are tightly locked into a trap - supposedly protection: we identify ourselves with the assessments that our mind gives.
This is how the mechanism of the false “I” is born
- the ego,
which keeps us in the 3-dimensional mental world. This is the separation of oneself from the Creator, the perception of Life as a battle for survival, the fear of not having something, and having acquired something, of losing it; a struggle of extremes, all kinds of confrontations.
All this strengthens the ego in the “I” block.
And so we are designed that every second consciousness turns off for a moment in order to confirm that I am me, this subject,
it is the body and self-image. And on this self-identity, on this something taken for granted, a huge amount of psychological effort and energy is spent.
Functions
The ability for self-esteem and the need to evaluate one’s qualities is inherent in human nature. The absence of this ability makes it difficult to exist in society and makes it impossible to adequately perceive the world and oneself in this world.
The following main functions of self-esteem can be identified:
regulatory protective reflective developmental emotional
The regulatory function helps to make a decision, to make a choice. With the help of this function, a person decides how to behave in a given situation - to do or not to do, to agree or refuse.
The protective function is characteristic of adequate and inflated self-esteem. In case of failure or unforeseen circumstances, it allows you to survive the situation without serious losses, does not allow you to give up and lose faith in yourself. This function does not work for people with low self-esteem.
The reflective function reflects a person’s attitude towards himself. It realistically shows how an individual relates to his actions and promotes an adequate assessment of his own actions.
The developmental function does not allow you to stop there. It stimulates constant self-development, personal growth, and encourages the idea of the need to acquire new knowledge and skills.
Emotional function occupies a special place. It is she who is responsible for the degree of satisfaction with her own qualities, allows her to feel adequate and comfortable.
In addition to those listed, some other functions of self-esteem can be identified - adaptive, helping to adapt to external circumstances; corrective, performing control functions in the process of life; terminal, forcing you to stop actions if they develop undesirably, and some others.
