How to behave if your husband leaves the family: real stories and advice from a psychologist

Hello, dear readers! When putting on a wedding dress, few people imagine how a man crying with happiness will one day pack his things and leave him in deafening silence. It's impossible to prepare for this. So what to do when your husband leaves the family, how to behave, the advice of a psychologist on this topic does not vary too much. Everyone encourages you to be persistent, proud, look your best and thank the person who leaves you for the years together. Seriously?

The theory about the boundless inner self-control of an abandoned wife is certainly interesting, but in practice it happens extremely rarely. Reading such advice with your hands shaking with anger and resentment is doubly unpleasant. Therefore, on the blog we will do things differently and find out what to do through real stories, and we will immediately look at it from the outside, when the husband left the family for his mistress, and from the point of view of the husband who left for nowhere, that is, separation without the fact of betrayal.

Why do husbands leave their families after many years of marriage?

When a husband leaves his family and goes to someone else, this is a strong blow for any woman.
Even if the prerequisites existed for a long time, the very fact of the final break is always unexpected. The familiar world is collapsing, an avalanche of grief and despair covers. And the main thing is a misunderstanding: why did he do this after so many years of marriage, because everything was fine... So, what makes a husband leave for his mistress:

1. Too many grievances that grew into disappointment. Dissatisfaction, omissions and grievances accumulated over the years make partners move away. Time passes, and the once closest people become strangers to each other.
2. Sex is not satisfying. Intimate relationships become familiar and ordinary. Emotionality disappears, and the process itself turns into ordinary physiology.
3. Marriage is taken for granted. If partners stop working on themselves and their relationships, then feelings fade over time. Everyday life is burdened by its monotony, marriage comes to a dead end.
4. Family fatigue. The phenomenon of fatigue in marriage is explained by dissatisfaction with one's role. At some point, a man simply gets tired of bearing responsibility and providing for his family, denying himself a lot. Especially if it is not appreciated.
5. Age crisis. The fear of an unlived life (lack of achievements or self-realization, the desire to prolong youth) forces men to leave the family in order to make up for lost time.

Constant scandals

Any normal man perceives his home as a fortress, where he can return after a battle (read: a hard day at work) and where he can find peace, comfort, affection, kindness. And even a delicious hot dinner. If instead, or even in parallel with this, he is met with constant reproaches (why did you return late), complaints (why did you buy butter instead of sunflower oil), presented in a harsh form, the man first begins to feel sad. When this is repeated, the man begins to get irritated in response. If this continues for months and years, the husband cannot stand it and leaves. Tell me, have you seen many people who can withstand stress for 20 hours a day? No? This means you understand perfectly well that no one wants to live in such a regime.

How to cope with your husband leaving your family

How to behave during a breakup

If your husband has left for someone else, follow these tactics when breaking up:

• don’t make scandals - it’s pointless;
• say goodbye in cold blood, do not show your vulnerability;
• thank your spouse for your past together, remember some of the brightest moments;
• take care of your appearance: you cannot let your ex-partner see that you are heartbroken.

Under no circumstances take the position of a victim and do not try to arouse pity for yourself, even if you really want to. Suffering and pleading will only push a man away more. On the contrary, he will want to run away quickly so as not to see the women’s moans. Indifference and self-sufficiency will make your partner doubt the correctness of his actions.

What to do after your spouse leaves you

First of all, you need to realize that life does not end there. By adhering to the correct behavior scenario, you can prevent depression and get out of this situation with dignity:

• come up with something you can do to distract yourself: friendly gatherings, sports, dancing, yoga;
• drive away negativity from yourself, strive for positive emotions;
• look around: there are plenty of men everywhere who are worth meeting or flirting with;
• do not ask your ex-husband for help unless absolutely necessary;
• get rid of all things that remind you of the past;
• use the help of a psychotherapist.

Many women who were abandoned by their husbands turned to our specialists for help. After completing a course of psychological rehabilitation, they managed to find happiness in a new marriage, as well as realize themselves in the professional sphere. You can get advice on our website at any time.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

On average, the first signs of “healing” of mental wounds appear after 10-11 weeks, that is, about 3 months. But this period is very conditional. Much depends on personal characteristics, circumstances, and the duration of the denial stage. Sometimes even a few years are not enough to recover.

How to behave if your husband leaves for another woman

The first days will be the hardest. But self-flagellation in such a situation is the worst enemy. You need to adapt to living in new conditions. It is especially important to surround children with care and love so that they do not blame themselves. It is also necessary to agree on financial support (alimony or another solution) and the time when the father will see the children.

Attention: the father cannot be prohibited from visiting his children and refused financial assistance. Pride is inappropriate, since only children will suffer.

Now you will have a lot more free time. Dedicate it to self-improvement: realize your mistakes, overcome fear and look into the future with confidence. There are many opportunities before you that you should not miss.

Lack of attention and care

Remember the last time you spoiled your husband? A delicious dinner, shopping for nice little things, clothes, shoes? Don't remember? All for yourself, for yourself, for yourself? It's time to think. After all, a man is the same cat, which from time to time needs to be scratched behind the ear, stroked, bought a tasty fish, praised. Otherwise he will find another owner. Well, or in this case, the hostess. Perhaps someone turned out to be smarter, and is already grooming and cherishing your husband for you. If it’s news to you that your husband can also be sentimental and needs care and attention, then I don’t even know what to say. Anyone, even the strongest and most brutal man, will be pleased if you unobtrusively take care of him.

What to do if your husband leaves you: advice from a psychologist

First aid for yourself

1. Don't dwell on your suffering and don't become isolated. Try to spend as much time as possible with your acquaintances, friends, and family. You can’t stay alone for a long time, replaying the moment of separation over and over again.
2. Give free rein to your emotions. Feel free to cry. Tears will help you get rid of some of the negativity and come to your senses faster.
3. Realize your mistakes. Conduct an audit of your marriage and try to understand what you did wrong. Working on mistakes is very important for future relationships.
4. Accept reality. Nothing is eternal and absolute. Life is a series of changes. Whether they are good or bad depends only on our perception. Even the fact that the husband left for his mistress has positive aspects, you just need to take a closer look at the situation.

Can't pull yourself together? — Qualified help and support is what is really needed now. Divorce is not a reason to give up on yourself. Find freedom and build a new life.

How to cope with feelings

1. Live in the moment. Let go of the past, nothing can be changed. You can't worry about the future, it's pointless. Focus on today and try to live it to the maximum.
2. Make an action plan. To get rid of worries, you need clear goals. Think about what is most important to you, what you want to achieve, how to realize yourself. Write down what you need to do to achieve your goal and go towards it. When you are constantly busy, worries will fade away.
3. Learn to think positively. Do things that make you happier and give you pleasure. Try to look for at least a little positive in everything. Intentionally drive away negative thoughts and do not lose faith in yourself.
4. Take action. Problems need to be solved. Frustration and suffering are useless and fruitless. Therefore, direct all energy (including negative) into a constructive direction.
5. Improve your health. Breathing exercises, yoga, fitness, massage will not only help you get rid of negativity, but will also strengthen your body. A beautiful figure will increase self-esteem and self-confidence.

This is a trap from which there is only one way out - to accept reality. The reasons for melancholy are a vain dream that everything can still get better. He will realize everything, will return, and will beg for forgiveness. While you are holding on to an illusory hope, you are giving up your happy future.

Self-deception is the root of obsessive thoughts about a husband who left the family. These are mind games that push you into the abyss of despair. Subconsciously, you will want to hold on to the fragments of happiness, but they will only cause pain. You need to unclench your fists and throw away everything that holds you back on the path to a new future. Yes, at first it is incredibly difficult, but this is the path to freedom that must be followed.

How to forgive your husband for grievances

Resentment is a very complex feeling that combines a huge range of negative emotions. A strong resentment can change a person, his character and even his attitude towards the world. Therefore, you need to work with it carefully, with complete dedication.

First of all, you need to do some self-analysis. Understand your true feelings and their reasons. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and answer the main question as honestly as possible: “Do I really have the right to be offended, is it 100% fair?” Regardless of the answer, you should not blame yourself or punish yourself. Everyone makes mistakes; unfortunately, life does not come with instructions.

Important: forgiving an offense does not mean forgetting. This means realizing its uselessness.

You need to learn to manage your emotions, understand them and interpret them correctly. By forgiving and letting go of negativity, you will heal yourself and find harmony.

What not to do

1. To cheat in response - such revenge provokes self-destruction of the individual, and will only cause a feeling of disgust in the ex-husband.
2. Don’t impose yourself—hundreds of messages and calls will only push your ex-partner away more.
3. Don't show your grief.
4. Don't blackmail your children.
5. Don't get back into a relationship for revenge.

How to behave with a child if your husband leaves the family

How to explain to children what is happening

When a husband leaves the family, the children suffer the most. Therefore, it is important not just to explain, but to convince children that it is not their fault. Divorce is a mutual decision between adults and children have nothing to do with it. And the fact that parents will now live separately does not mean that they will love them less. This is extremely important, since the child’s psyche is very delicate, and divorce is very stressful. Otherwise, children will develop many complexes, including an inferiority complex.

What else is important to convey to the child:

• parents will be better off apart;
• after a divorce, the love of parents will not decrease;
• Now there will be two houses where they will love and wait.

Divorce is psychologically difficult not only for spouses, but also for their children. Often, the help of a child psychologist makes it easier to endure the divorce process. Our specialists have the appropriate competence and experience to ensure that the child accepts the news of divorce as painlessly as possible.

How to get your husband back who abandoned his family

Fight or let go

This is a very difficult choice, because on one side of the scale there is a whole hurricane of feelings, and on the other - the fear of loneliness. You will be overwhelmed by pain and a sense of injustice, giving way to aggression and disappointment. But the choice must be made soberly, without allowing feelings to influence it. To do this, take control of your emotions and give clear answers to the following questions:

1. What happens if the husband does not return to the family?
2. How will this separation affect you?
3. What happens if the spouse remains in the family?
4. Will you be able to forgive the betrayal of your loved one?
5. Do you have enough strength to establish and improve your relationships?
6. What will you get by forgiving your husband for cheating?
7. What guarantees are there that the husband will not leave for someone else again?

It is better to write down the answers, trying to highlight the pros and cons for yourself in as much detail as possible. This will increase the chances of making the right decision. But the problem is that it is impossible to turn off emotions, and bias will definitely lead to mistakes.

Therefore, the help of an outside person is needed who will be objective and impartial - a psychologist.

How to return your spouse to the family: tips

You have a significant advantage - knowledge of your partner’s habits, character and weaknesses. In addition, there will be time to rethink many things and actions. But you need to be prepared for the fact that the return of a husband who left the family is only half the victory. It is important to learn how to keep your marriage at the highest level so as not to lose your loved one again.

Please note: it is much easier to return the husband who left you than to prevent divorce.

Where to start:

1. Understand the reason for leaving.
2. Stop being a victim.
3. Establish communication with your spouse.
4. Reconsider intimate relationships.
5. Create a better version of yourself.
6. Attract the attention of other men.

An improved version of you will definitely arouse your husband's interest, and the attention of new fans will provoke jealousy. All men are owners, and this can be used to their own advantage.

They returned it, and then what?

When your husband returns, at first you will experience euphoria. But then calm down and the resentment may remind itself again.

That's why:

• do not reproach your husband for cheating;
• be patient. This is your best ally in this situation. You won’t be able to completely forgive and let go of an offense in a day or a month;
• learn to trust your partner again. Groundless suspicions and accusations, as well as total control, will destroy the fragile happiness that was built.

In what cases is it not necessary to return a man?

Toxic relationship

If you have many more bad memories than good ones. If a man has his own pains, injuries, complexes, you should not be responsible for them.

After all, it often happens like this: you fell in love with him, started living together - and suddenly negative traits began to appear. Aggression, jealousy, deceit and others.

And if you categorically cannot agree, do not hear each other, there is no need to hold on to the relationship.

Violence

Physical, sexual, moral. Most often, the tendency to violence is associated with childhood trauma. A man believes that raising his hand to a woman is normal, because his father did it. Disrespect for his companion is ingrained in him from an early age.

Insults, manipulation, sexual violence, suppression of will - this also cannot be tolerated. Such attitudes are also associated with childhood experience; a man knows how to fight a woman, but does not know how to love her.

It’s really better to let go of these relationships and find your destiny, learn to attract worthy men.