- October 4, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Fedorova Victoria
In relationships between a woman and a man, situations arise when one of the partners begins to move away. Sometimes this happens at the initial stage of building an alliance. However, such situations are not uncommon even after the wedding. How to behave if a man moves away and how to improve relationships with your loved one? In this situation, knowledge of the psychology of the stronger half of humanity will help.
Why is this happening
Many girls are interested in: what to do if a man moves away? Psychologists are sure that they just need to be alone with themselves for some time. It turns out that even a man deeply in love can withdraw into himself for a while; he wants to retire to think.
However, there are much more serious reasons why he may move away:
- All men love freedom. When the time comes to build a serious relationship, they understand that for the sake of their beloved they will need to sacrifice something. Some men cannot always come to terms with this, so they begin to move away.
- Pressure exerted on a man. When a woman begins to make plans for the future without his knowledge, he may feel extremely uncomfortable. The man is sure that his opinion is not taken into account, and he is simply being used. This is why experts advise women not to make important decisions without their partner. This must be done together.
- Men begin to distance themselves when they notice that their chosen one is behaving completely differently than in the first meetings. True, this is not surprising. Women are able to initially put on a mask, but no one can pretend forever. A man moves away when he notices a lot of shortcomings in his chosen one, but he cannot change her. This upsets him and causes him to seriously think about the future.
- Problems in the life of a representative of the stronger half of humanity can also cause this situation. The psychology of a man is such that he will never be able to build a serious relationship if he cannot provide his chosen one with a happy future. The reason for his distance may be a simple lack of money.
- Feeling of unimportance. A man should be the one and only for his beloved. If she continues to accept signs of attention from other gentlemen, then the partner may feel “spare” or even superfluous.
These are the main reasons explaining why the man began to move away. It is clear that the solution to the problem will be completely individual. Women in this case should not despair. There are no situations from which you cannot find a way out. Mostly, the path to happiness is on the surface. However, not all women are able to make changes for the sake of their loved one.
In this situation, it cannot be said that one of the partners is bad. Both may be wonderful people, but with completely different personalities. For harmony in a union, it is necessary that a man and a woman have common interests or affairs. Otherwise the relationship will fall apart.
Sometimes it is the woman who does everything to destroy the existing union. Her behavior is to blame for this. To maintain a relationship, will and desire are needed, only then will it be possible to change the situation.
If a man moves away, what should I do? Psychologists give advice to women. It happens that relationships become obsolete. Most often, this situation occurs in couples who have lived together for 5-10 years. Therefore, the right solution is separation.
Option 3: he didn't initially plan a sequel
Remember well all the serious conversations about the future that you had between you. How did he behave in them? Did you answer directly or avoid answering? If he never offered a concrete vision of the future, he probably didn’t count on it.
Many people tend to live here and now, without thinking ahead. Perhaps your man was simply enjoying the moment, but never planned or promised you a wedding. Even if you have lived under the same roof for some time.
A change in a woman’s behavior and her increasing pressure about plans for the future can serve as a kind of signal for a man. Remember, maybe you brought up these topics too often lately and it made him move away?
What to do?
The main thing is to understand the true reason for this behavior on the part of the guy. His distancing from you after a year of relationship, of course, causes more anxiety and worry than cooling the relationship at a very early stage.
If a man asks you not to touch him for now, not to distract him from your business, don’t throw a tantrum, don’t call him or irritate him. He's really busy, or he just needs to be alone. This does not mean at all that he stopped loving you. If you were and remain valuable to a man, he will return to you within the next few weeks - in a good mood, bored and grateful for your understanding.
But if 2-3 weeks have already passed and he still hasn’t shown up, you should try to find out for yourself what’s the matter. Remember: no complaints, reproaches or screams. Prepare for the conversation in advance and have a constructive dialogue, trying to figure out what's going on. However, such a long period without interest from a man in you is often a very unpleasant call.
If a man asks you not to touch him for now, not to distract him from your business, don’t throw a tantrum, don’t call him or irritate him
Let your man know that he is not weak
Many women are concerned about the question: “What to do if a man moves away?” One of the reasons for this situation is... love. When men begin to experience serious emotions towards their chosen one, fear comes over them. After all, it is unusual for them to show tenderness (they are the stronger sex!). Therefore, a man in love begins to think that he is weak.
The main task of a woman during this period is to prove the opposite to her partner. She must explain to him that there is nothing wrong with showing emotions. And solitude and ignoring the problem can only worsen the situation.
Sometimes women ask specialists: “A man has begun to distance himself—how should I behave?” Deep down, representatives of the stronger sex seek support from their beloved, while at the same time being afraid to show themselves weak. It is necessary to prove that the manifestation of feelings is a trait of strong-willed people who are always ready to take responsibility for themselves and those around them. Perhaps this will solve the current situation.
How women behave when a man moves away
When a man moves away, the first question that confronts a woman is “What did I do wrong?”, and the second is “How can I help him?”
In most cases, when a man moves away, we begin to become hysterical, sort things out, deal with his problems, come up with our questions and advice, receive a rude rebuff and get even more excited. Further on increasing.
What's the end result? A serious quarrel, a wall of misunderstanding and resentment (the woman is offended by inattention and callousness, and the man is offended by the fact that they got into his “cave”), and maybe even the end of the relationship, separation, mutual pain, and so on.
Make the relationship comfortable
Some women put an unbearable burden on their partner, and then ask: “How to behave if a man moves away?” After all, this is quite logical. Every month a woman demands expensive gifts from a man or strives to set her own wedding day.
In such a situation, the partner begins to feel extreme pressure on himself. Even if he tolerates such a relationship for a long time, sooner or later his patience will come to an end and he will begin to move away.
To prevent this from happening, women need to do everything possible to make the relationship as comfortable as possible. Girls need to get rid of the habit of putting an unbearable burden on a man. After all, they already have a lot of responsibility. If the girls take on some of the responsibilities, the partner will be able to focus on performing the main tasks. It is also necessary to give the man emotional relief, listen to him and support him in every possible way.
Is he extremely dependent or completely independent?
Extremes do not bring anything good. Some men are very dependent on their mother, seek female approval, indulge the opposite sex, or, conversely, bully with nagging a la “mom wrapped the cabbage rolls differently.” If you become his mommy, you will lose the status of a wife, because relationships with your mother are taboo. A mother cannot be sexy in a man’s eyes, it is unnatural.
Is he extremely dependent or completely independent?
Other guys may be so independent that they will simply hide their emotions so as not to appear vulnerable. Close ones especially suffer, because it is they who the man regards as a threat to his masculinity. Such a partner will avoid affection, manifestations of warmth, and push you away in order to protect himself from possible pain later.
No need to manipulate your partner
Girls often get upset and ask psychologists how to behave if a man moves away and ignores them. Experts recommend that they remember if they have manipulated their chosen one at least once in their life. Most women do this completely unconsciously. At the same time, men recognize any attempts by their partner to take control of them. Sometimes they may even give in to this so as not to quarrel with their beloved.
But this cannot go on forever. One day, constant manipulation will lead to distance, so women should not flirt too much.
One of the favorite techniques of the weak half of humanity, with the help of which they can achieve what they want, is tears. Initially they work well. Over time, a man begins to get annoyed by the situation when a woman, instead of solving the problem that has arisen, begins to cry.
If a man begins to move away, refrain from any means of manipulating your partner. And don't use this method in the future. After all, they really don’t like it.
Algorithm
An example situation. The woman reflects: “We have been dating for more than two months, but nothing happens. Apart from sex and restaurants, nothing is offered to me, but I want more”... In this case, the lady, if all the above conditions coincide, can try to use manipulation and “without declaring war” to hide, stop with the man.
The boyfriend calls or writes: “When will I see you?” It is imperative to respond to a man’s questions, otherwise he will decide that he will simply go underground, but the woman’s answers should be very vague: “I don’t know. Let’s call you,” or: “I can’t say specifically,” and so on. Turn on the dynamo, pretend to be mysterious - the more, the better.
“No specifics are needed. Riddle, halftone. “One Thousand and One Nights,” tales of Scheherazade,” emphasizes Kuznetsova.
The psychologist explains that a woman will behave in this way, since representatives of the stronger sex do not like any “misunderstandings.” They need to know for sure “we will make a movie or we won’t.” But instead of specific answers, the young lady starts feeding her breakfast. The gentleman is angry. However, since he, and under the current circumstances, his “want” increases tenfold, the man will be forced to follow the lady’s lead.
On this wave, a woman can begin to carefully voice her conditions. So, if a man asks: “Why don’t I see you, what happened?”, you should answer: “Nothing, business.” If a woman started a game for the sake of a specific gift, she can say: “Business. Working. I’m saving money for a vacation,” or: “No time. I took a quick job and earned money to buy boots.” The meaning of the dialogue should be like this: “I understand that, and I also want to see you, but I need to work, because I need this and that.” Only the entire conversation needs to be conducted subtly, without redneckness. : “Give me money for Spain, then I’ll see you.”
“Under no circumstances should you become impudent. You need to use hints, but you must clearly indicate the purpose of your overtime work,” explains the psychologist.
If the game was started so that the man would offer to live together, the woman should press in the conversation not on the financial component, but on what she cannot see due to the heavy workload of family affairs: “Parents need help,” or: “We need to go to Grandma". The message here is that I really want to, but I can’t come to you because I don’t have time. And you can’t come to me either, because I’m sitting with an old grandmother. The situation must be subtly and carefully brought to the point that a man who is at the peak of feelings and wants to see his woman every day says: “”.
Don't play around. It would be good if we succeed within two weeks. But this is the maximum. “Overexposure” can backfire on relationships.
As Kuznetsova explained, the “disappearance manipulation” has a simple scheme. A man who has realized that he cannot get what he wants will at first certainly behave like a child who was not bought a toy. Then, when they explain to him the reason for the impossibility of dating - this is why a woman should not disappear completely, but should get in touch - the man will begin to think about how to change the situation. As a result of a well-executed game, a representative of the stronger sex should have a desire to do everything for the woman to make her life easier and to bring his beloved as close to himself as possible.
Criticize men correctly
Some women criticize their partners for their affairs. However, male psychology is such that they have a very negative attitude towards this. Especially if it is said by a loved one. In this case, many men begin to think that their life partners are against them. Therefore, when a woman wants to speak negatively about the fact that a man does not know how to do anything, it is best to abstain at this moment.
At the same time, certain situations arise in family life that should not be tolerated. If a woman needs to be told that a man is bad at something, then this must be done with the help of flattery. The strong half of humanity is very susceptible to it. You can simply praise a man and immediately say that he could improve this or that skill.
When the criticism is direct, constant and unconstructive, the partner will gradually begin to move away from the woman. Thus, he will want to protect himself from negative situations or moments.
Fiasco
If the gentleman is “led” to manipulation and, despite the “dynamo”, continues to get in touch regularly, then the battle can be considered won. But if a woman notices that her boyfriend is gradually disappearing, then the plan has failed. It’s worth admitting that the man didn’t really want you, and urgently saving the situation if you still value your partner.
The only way out here is to seize the initiative and get in touch yourself. Write something like: “I seem to have sorted things out. Finally, we can see each other." Your partner will most likely take up your proposal, but the original plan can be considered a failure. You will not get from a man what you started the whole game for. As soon as you take a step forward, everything returns to normal: restaurant - sex, sex - restaurant. Moreover, because the man harbored a grudge because you dynamized him.
“This is a very delicate game with a lot of risk, so you should play it only in the initial stages, and when your partner really really wants you. Only at this moment can you put forward conditions for him. Choose the right time. The success of the manipulation almost 100% depends on this,” sums up Kuznetsova.
The psychologist compares the situation to boiling milk. It seems that everything is done over very low heat, but literally in one second the milk boils and boils over. It is important to catch the moment in time.
Despite the possible consequences that may not be very good for the relationship, the psychologist advises women to take a risk if they are confident in the success of the operation. In the end, you can hit a good jackpot. Or understand how your partner really treats you, and. This knowledge is also very important.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the email address of the AiF-Vladimir editorial office:
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Let's say for some reason your new boyfriend starts acting a little... Well, let's say weird. He doesn’t call, although he promises, he misses several dates... What should a girl do? How can you make a man fall in love with you? Everything is very simple. Ask yourself whether this man is worthy of your worries or not.
Men need rest
The strong half of humanity is structured in such a way that they strive to preserve personal freedom. And in this case we are not talking about betrayal, but about the possibility of maintaining personal space. For example, this consists of communicating with friends, fishing trips, and the opportunity to spend free time in the garage. Sometimes a man just needs to lock himself in his room and immerse himself in his thoughts. And this will not necessarily mean that he has another woman. The point is completely different. It is important that the man also feels comfortable in a joint relationship.
Women often communicate with their friends. They go shopping together, sit in cafes and just chat. But a man also needs this. He wants to chat with his friends or spend time watching a football match.
Sometimes a woman thinks too late about how to behave if a man moves away. Previously, she could not even think that perhaps he was tired and needed rest. Instead, she nagged him and criticized him for laziness. According to psychologists, it is important for a man to be given free time. This is especially true for those who sometimes work 10 hours a day. A woman must understand that he will not listen to her whims if he does not have enough regular working hours to provide for his family.
Therefore, psychologists recommend giving the stronger half of humanity time for emotional relief. Even if a man begins to move away, this is not a reason to panic. When a woman understands that her loved one needs support and understanding, then the relationship in the couple will be able to normalize. Therefore, you should not be afraid to let your man go fishing or give him the opportunity to watch his favorite movie in peace. As a result, he will rest and regain balance in his emotional state. After some time, the relationship will improve and the man will again become the same as before.
Maintain your self-respect and dignity
Ask yourself: why do I need a person who neglects me? Is it right to not receive attention but stay close? Never be afraid of losing another - be afraid of losing yourself, self-esteem and self-respect.
And what kind of self-respect can we talk about when you feel that they are burdened with you, that they no longer want you or want you, but not enough, and you are trying with all your might to cling tighter to your partner and prove to him that you are not so bad after all.
You have no self-respect if you try to force yourself on someone else. You have no self-respect if you agree to a relationship on humiliating terms. And if you don’t know or don’t understand what conditions can be called humiliating, then you also have no self-respect.
A person who values himself knows exactly how he can and cannot be treated, he does not agree to an imbalance, he is not ready to be lower and less, he is not ready to betray himself in order to worship another. And therefore he does not cling to a partner for whom his importance is low.
Give confidence in the future
A woman cannot calm down and understand why a man is moving away. But correcting such a situation is quite easy. A woman can simply let her lover know that she will not change her mind about a long-term relationship and family in the future. To do this, she just needs to stop accepting attentions and compliments from other men. A woman can tell her chosen one more often how she dreams of a long life together, children, and travel. At the same time, she doesn’t insist on anything at all.
If this is not enough, a woman can make certain sacrifices for her beloved (if she is ready to do so). She may give up doing something she loves because it takes up too much time. And dedicate it to your partner - go fishing together, watch a movie or football. True, this can make the woman herself unhappy. Therefore, it is important not to overdo it; we are not talking about complete dissolution in the beloved.
A woman can also agree to move in with her lover if he also dreams about it. A man, seeing such sacrifice on the part of his chosen one, will begin to treat her completely differently. This can manifest in greater love and understanding.
It is important to find common ground here. And all decisions should be made jointly, with mutual consent.
Option 4: He thinks he doesn't deserve you.
While you expect determination and bold actions from a man, he feels a certain coldness on your part and thinks that you are not serious about him. Men are rarely ready to desperately fight for a girl, wait for her favor for years, or make sacrifices. Therefore, perhaps you should reconsider your attitude towards the guy. Let him know that you like everything and he doesn’t need to pull a star out of the sky to win your heart.
In fact, one careless phrase is enough to “scare off” a man. Perhaps he unpleasantly remembered some of your remarks on the topic of making money. Or you were simply talking about the ideal standard of living, and he considered this a subtle hint and instantly compared his own capabilities with your “requests”. Having digested the information after the date, the man decided to find a companion with more modest appetites.
What to do?
If you are really looking for a partner with a certain level of income and tried to test the waters on the first date, which turned him off, it may be worth looking for someone more confident in himself and his abilities.
If you suspect that the man you like might have formed the wrong image after the first date, try correcting it (your image) with careful hints. For example, in correspondence. Make it clear that you are a simple person with no fancy requests and get the next date. But don't be too persistent.
Help your partner with his problems
The man begins to move away because he has many problems that he cannot solve. If a woman does not want to be left alone, then she needs to help her loved one. Sometimes certain issues are within the competence of women, and men often show their pride. However, the stronger sex especially needs moral support.
A woman must ensure that her chosen one speaks out completely. If during a conversation a man begins to blame his partner for certain things, she should not incite conflict. In this situation, a woman needs to save the relationship, and not provoke a scandal. Next, she silently listens to her man.
After this, the partners will try together to draw up a detailed action plan that will help quickly deal with this or that problem. A woman should make her participation as much as possible so that her partner feels her support and understanding. Sometimes even these steps allow a man to quickly find a solution and cope with the problem. After all, moral support is necessary even for representatives of the stronger half of humanity.
Don't be a burden, be a blast!
Your importance to your partner is proportional to the pleasure he gets next to you. The more energy, excitement, inspiration he receives from you, the more he will want more - both communication with you and you in general!
But when you reproach your partner for his unworthy attitude towards you; when you appeal to a sense of duty, to conscience; when you cry, complain, whine or demand - all this reduces your importance.
Because instead of a buzz, you are just a complete headache! Any pressure suppresses desire! Remember that significance does not depend on a sense of duty, but on pleasure and attraction.
But I don’t encourage you to pretend where you feel bad and offended. You shouldn’t pretend to be high and happy when you are offended and want to cry - it won’t work anyway, your loved one will see through this performance in no time. Just know that if you are neglected, this is not a reason to pour out all the pain and disappointment on your partner in the form of reproaches and demands. Because as soon as you take out these tools of moral violence, the situation will only start to get worse.
Change your life values
In psychologists’ offices you can often hear the question: “How to behave: a man moves away at the beginning of a relationship?” In most cases, the specialist asks the woman to tell her about her life values and guidelines. As a result, it turns out that she expects too much from her chosen one. Sometimes they have completely different views on their future family life. It is important for a man to build a strong family, and for a woman to save up for a large apartment in the city center.
Some partners find it quite difficult to change their life priorities. And they begin to feel that they are not acting in accordance with their aspirations and their own plan, but are guided by the values imposed by someone. Men often expect a certain amount of support and understanding from a woman. The future of a couple depends 70% on the behavior of the weaker half of humanity. There is a certain category of beauties that a man will never refuse. They are usually endowed with the following: wisdom, passion, self-confidence, devotion, sexuality and self-sufficiency. Of course, not all women naturally have such character traits. However, no one canceled working on themselves. At the same time, a man will certainly appreciate everything that a woman does for him.
To create a strong relationship, a couple needs to initially discuss their values and guidelines in life. If they do not match at all, then it will not be possible to build a long-term relationship.
But if there are serious feelings between a man and a woman, they will be able to come to a common opinion and achieve understanding.
He's a workaholic
He is a workaholic
, married to work - that’s what they say about these men. They work wherever they are: in the office late at night, in a diner with the kids, in bed with you. A person’s resources are limited, there is no time for relationships, and there is not enough energy to maintain warmth. Maybe the partner is internally suffering from fatigue, but he cannot stop and give himself rest. You only add to his sense of guilt when you reproach him or, conversely, silently wait for the cold dinner when it is already long after midnight.
The fire of passion needs to be renewed
A man has become distant in a relationship - what to do? This happens if the former passion between partners has faded away. He will definitely feel that his woman does not feel sexual attraction. At best, a man will begin to distance himself from his partner, and at worst, he will begin to suspect her of cheating. Therefore, it is important to renew the passion in the relationship.
A woman can hint to a man that she is absolutely not against making some changes in their sex life. The stronger sex should know that they are always desired. A man should be the best for his partner.
You have different values
You are too different. It may be that in everyday life you are incredibly different, but look in the same direction and see a common goal, then there is a chance to get used to it and live happily and harmoniously in this difference. But sometimes your life guidelines are as close as boiling lava is to the ice of Antarctica. Values, moral guidelines, principles and understanding of happiness can be completely different, and no common love of jazz or good sex will save your relationship. In such a situation, you should just thank each other for the opportunity to look at life from a different perspective and say goodbye.
You have different values
Men may look strong and self-sufficient, but they all need warmth and acceptance. However, you should not indulge yourself in illusion and romanticize the image of your partner, try to change it, or impose your worldview. Sometimes you and your chosen one are beautiful in all respects, but separately, and simply cannot exist together. Accept this experience and move on: yours will find you.
Time to end the relationship
What should a woman do if a man distances himself over a long period of time and refuses to do anything to change the current situation?
In such cases, psychologists sometimes advise breaking off relations with such a partner. Life with such a guy does not have bright prospects. Women should not waste time on a man who does not notice her efforts.
Girls ask: “What to do if a man begins to move away?” Coldness in relationships does not arise out of nowhere and instantly; it all starts with little things. Partners begin to rarely talk about their feelings, kissing becomes commonplace. At the same time, passion and feelings disappeared into oblivion. Over time, the distance will only increase. In this situation, it is necessary to solve problems guided not by the mind, but by the heart. At the same time, the man prefers to move away rather than change the situation. A woman should not waste her time, feelings and energy on him.
We hope that now girls will not ask: “What to do if a man moves away?” Initially, they need to find out the reason. Next, the woman will be able to develop a competent plan to get out of the current situation. If she wants to maintain a relationship with this man, then she will have to sacrifice something or even change some traits of her character. However, for a person in love, this may seem like just a trifle. Sometimes women confuse love with affection, which should never be done.
If a man ignores a woman for several months, and she tries to solve the current problem alone, for fear of being left alone, then perhaps their relationship has come to an end. It is better to part ways politely than to endure such a relationship.
Childhood wounds
The child absorbs the parent's model of relationships. If your man is the child of a divorced family, grew up without a father, or was abused, it will be difficult for him not only to accept and give warmth, but also not to transfer parental patterns to his current experience. He will have difficulties with trust, he will expect tricks from the world and environment. An authoritarian mother can forever kill her son’s independence, making him dependent and infantile. The cold father conveys to the boy his disdain for women and the expectation that they will try to gain his love.
Problem #1. A man can also “get up on the wrong foot”1
A woman is an impulsive and emotional creature. Everyone knows this. Remember, at least, your hysterics and mood changes during “critical days”! Oddly enough, men also have their own hormonal fluctuations, although not so pronounced. However, their severity does not exclude the possibility of the husband “getting off the wrong foot” today.
True, men replace women’s favorite phrase “everything is bad, have pity on me” with “everything is ok, don’t touch me.” What can you recommend? Just really don’t touch your loved one. Any interference will cause irritation, and causeless irritation will ruin your mood. So repeat to yourself that everything is ok, and a man also has moments when he should be alone.
