Emotional incontinence - this can be briefly called a temper of temper. Repeated studies by scientists show that a hot temper manifests itself not only as acquired as a result of something, it can manifest itself from birth, as it is laid down at the genetic level. Therefore, if parents in childhood may not have noticed, missed, or were too lazy to help their child suppress this quality, then at a more mature age it will be more difficult for a person to cope on his own.
Characteristics of a hot-tempered person
How is a hot-tempered person so different from a calm one? A hot-tempered person, faced with some kind of problem, will lose his temper, that is, show his irritability, aggression, resentment, and so on. He will try to solve it with practical methods under the influence of negative emotions, and every time he does not succeed, he will become even more angry and blame for his unsuccessful attempts, first of all, not himself, but circumstances, other people, and will take it out on loved ones. While a balanced and calm person, when making a decision to eliminate a problem, will first think about all the solutions, weigh the pros and cons, and only when he is absolutely sure will he begin to act. In this case, of course, there is a greater chance of solving the problem when there are clear tactics and plans. “Measure twice, cut once” is the main way to solve the problem, but, unfortunately, it is emotional incontinence that prevents hot-tempered people from understanding this truth.
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Hot temper Hot tempered
Hot temper – a tendency to inappropriate, excessive reactions - emotional incontinence, explosive irritability to ordinary stimuli; predisposition to anger.
Once upon a time there lived a very hot-tempered and unrestrained man. And then one day his father gave him a bag of nails and ordered him to drive one nail into the fence post every time he could not control his anger. On the first day there were several dozen nails in the fence. After a week, the young man learned to control himself, and every day the number of nails hammered into the post began to decrease. The young man realized that controlling his temper is easier than driving nails. Finally, the day came when he never lost his temper. He told his father about this and he said that from that day on, every time his son managed to restrain himself, he could pull out one nail from the pillar. Time passed, and the day came when the young man could tell his father that there was not a single nail left in the pillar. Then the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence: “You did a good job, but do you see how many holes there are in the post? He will never be the same again. When you say something evil to a person, he has the same scar in his soul as these holes.”
Temper - a distraction of the mind to steal emotions
. In a calm state, the mind controls the manifestation of feelings and emotions, and only during temporary insanity, which is what hot temper is, negative destructive emotions flow into space. The heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, and a powerful surge of adrenaline occurs. If you don’t slow down in time, you can smoothly transition into a state of anger in many of its manifestations, including extreme ones - rage and rage. Having pumped enormous energy out of a person, a flash of temper throws him into a state of despondency, exhausted, devastated, defenseless and gloomy. The friends of short temper are ardor, impatience, anger, imbalance and irritability.
Losing his mind for a while, a person practically does not control himself, becomes weak-willed, and therefore loses respect in the eyes of others. Hot temper neutralizes the ability to make the right decisions, pushes one to rash actions, worsens a person’s well-being, provokes problems, leads to hysteria and ends with a feeling of shame.
Hot temper is characterized by an instant jump from a calm state to an extremely excited, agitated and impulsive state. Temperament plays a significant role and cannot be discounted. Hot temper is a personality without “brakes”. Every person hundreds of times a day has to consciously or unconsciously make a choice about how to react to a particular situation in life. The right to choose is a huge gift of fate, an invaluable advantage of a conscious individual. For example, on the tram we were pushed and at the same time they commented impolitely on the push. A person has a choice of how to react to the situation - get into an argument with a tram boor or ignore the provocation. It takes a split second to think about what to do. Hot temper, unknown for what sins, is deprived of the greatest advantage of the individual - the right to choose
. Without a moment's hesitation, she flares up, sharply raises her voice, tears at her vest, actively gesticulates, in a word, gets angry with all her might. In other words, there is no “safety valve” between the event and the reaction to it in the form of the right to choose. The irritant, freely bypassing the filters of consciousness, directly affects the sensitive centers of a person, causing an outbreak of temper. There are countless reasons for hot temper, but there is only one reason - the impossibility and inability to make a choice on how to react to life events.
The trigger for a temper can be any trifle, but, first of all, it is anger, fueled by condemnation. Lacking self-control and mental stability, it is easy for a person to “ignite” when encountering ignorance that does not want to actively listen, constantly interrupting and objecting. Bad mood, stress, overwork, fear and anxiety can be a good springboard for a temper. In other words, the cause of irascibility can be any object or situation in the external world that is given excessive significance.
Hot temper has many enemies in the form of philanthropy, kindness, tolerance, understanding and the ability to forgive. The antidote to it is kindness, wisdom and self-control. It is a quickly passing emotion, and this must be used. It is very important to catch the first moment of temper and not allow the spark to flare up into a flame. For this, a person needs to be distracted, like a child, from the subject of the conversation and kept in the arsenal of available means - calmness and reconciliation.
The life of a hot-tempered person cannot be called safe. What kind of safety can we talk about if a person has no “brakes”. A striking example of irascibility is the great artist Caravaggio. A man of violent temperament, rude, courageous and independent. The artist’s hot-tempered and quarrelsome disposition gave rise to constant clashes with others, which often ended in a fight, a duel or a blow with a sword. For this he was repeatedly prosecuted and imprisoned. In 1606, Caravaggio, in a quarrel that broke out during a ball game, killed his opponent and fled from Rome. Finding himself in Naples, he moved from there to Malta in search of work, where, after staying for a year, he was accepted into the order thanks to the patronage of the grandmaster, whose portrait he painted. However, for grossly insulting one of the leaders of the order, Caravaggio was thrown into prison, escaped from it and worked for some time in the cities of Sicily and again in Naples. In the hope of the pope's forgiveness, he went by sea to Rome. Wrongly arrested by the Spanish border guards and robbed by carriers, the artist fell ill with malaria and died in 1610, thirty-six years old.
Petr Kovalev Other articles by the author: https://www.podskazki.info/karta-statej/
Male and female temperament
Most often, a hot temper can be observed in men. In most cases, it manifests itself in the form of irritability and aggression. In addition, increased temperament, which is characterized by anger, is quite common.
Anger is a negative and strong feeling that occurs when a person is extremely dissatisfied with something.
Here you can make a certain chain of what hot temper can lead to: irritability - anger - aggression. When a person gets irritated, he can simply grumble something with dissatisfaction and squint his eyes in the direction of the irritant. At the next stage of anger, he may already raise his tone, scream and nervously gesticulate. At the third stage, when he is in the stage of aggression, actions take place that begin with a scream and can lead to assault, including possible damage to furniture or objects around that are nearby at that moment.
As for women's temper, everything is much more interesting. Basically it consists of resentment and hysteria. Often women consciously take advantage of resentment, since this is the most common way of manipulating other people. Sometimes women deny their offense, not seeing that with all their actions they show exactly the opposite. As for hysteria, aggression may well be present here; the actions are no different from men’s, except that women are more prone to physical self-control. Also a very important factor in women's temper is that sometimes they are not entirely able to control it, and this happens during certain phases of the menstrual cycle.
Causes of temper
The concept in question is considered not the best trait, since uncontrollable anger can seriously complicate existence and distort relationships with the environment. With nervous excitement, which is often accompanied by anger and aggressiveness, it is difficult to analyze what is said and choose the right words. As a result, hot-tempered individuals often feel ashamed of their unworthy behavioral manifestations. Moreover, after a fairly short period, a similar situation is repeated under the influence of a number of circumstances.
Hot temper is a rather dangerous phenomenon in psychology, as it drives negative emotions into the depths of consciousness, giving rise to mental problems, communication disorders and self-perception.
The reasons that provoke excessive temper include various stressors or unfairly inflicted insults.
Common factors that give rise to the condition in question: regular lack of sleep, bad habits, constant anxiety, unhealthy diet, abuse of low-calorie foods, increased anxiety, accumulated fatigue, vitamin deficiency, depression, life troubles.
Often, increased excitability signals the presence of infectious diseases, mental pathologies, diseases of the digestive tract, and diabetes. In addition, hot temper can be caused by dysfunction of the thyroid gland.
Temper in the female population often occurs during pregnancy or menopause. This condition is associated with ongoing hormonal transformations in the body. The sons of Adam suffer from excessive excitability due to decreased production of the hormone testosterone. Science has also proven that this trait, if it is a stable characteristic, is of a hereditary nature.
Individuals with low self-esteem often set the bar high for themselves. As a result, they cannot live up to their own fictitious image of the ideal “I”. This causes discord in family relationships and problems in the work environment. The result is an ever-present irritability that becomes firmly ingrained in the mind. To avoid this, there is no need to compare your own achievements with the successes of other individuals.
Genetic predisposition
Have you ever wondered why people's bad character is often called bad heredity? A group of German scientists from the University of Bonn, led by Martin Reuter, conducted a study on this issue. They discovered a certain gene, which today is called “rs907094”. The carriers of this gene are most often precisely those people who are most susceptible to hot temper.
The same scientists found out, as a result of studying the human brain, that in people who took the survey and were prone to hot temper, the left amygdala in the temporal lobe of the brain was enlarged, and it is this part that is responsible for the manifestation of emotions.
Learning to take control of your emotions
Any manifestation of emotion is a response of the nervous system to irritation. Incontinence in speech, denial of everything that is happening around you, sudden outbursts of rage - all this is the result of nervous overstrain. In this case, you need to take a little break from all your worries and problems, do what you love, and then everything will fall into place.
Control over emotions
Psychologists say that sometimes you need to give such an opportunity to splash out negative emotions. Otherwise, a person’s condition can only worsen, and he will simply “withdraw into himself.” True, excessive temper can develop into a habit and become an integral character trait. In order to find the so-called “golden mean”, you should try to control the manifestation of your emotions in different situations.
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Loneliness is a consequence of temper
Hot temper and aggressiveness are those human traits that others try to avoid when choosing an interlocutor, comrade, friend or partner. After all, who likes it when people constantly take it out on you? Hot temper is a quality that not many are willing to put up with, and, as a rule, the family suffers the most from it. By the way, in ordinary situations, people with this character trait are no different from balanced people. But as soon as they get into any stressful situation, their true self immediately appears.
Hot temper and irritability are qualities that calm people do not want to face. It’s hard to be friends with a hot-tempered person, but it’s even harder to be in a relationship and build a family. In the end, the calmer person will have to give in and let the other “steer” the situation so that he will be less irritated. Especially hot-tempered people take it very seriously when someone does not share their point of view, if it is important to them. As a result, people with a more balanced emotional state have to sacrifice their interests and principles. As the famous saying goes: “Love is evil, you will love and...”.
How to control your temper?
It's human nature to let off steam. This is a normal state that saves you from neuroses and emotional stress. But, a surge of irritability does not go away without leaving a trace and affects other people. We are used to taking out our troubles on our loved ones. Constant aggression causes a backlash. Friends avoid communication, loved ones withdraw into themselves or are rude.
How to control your temper?
- Accept yourself . Hot-tempered people tend to deny emotional instability. Don’t deceive yourself, admit that sometimes you are rude, irritated, and angry at others. Then notice what particularly upsets you. While you still do not know how to control your temper, avoid such situations. Next, consciously participate in disputes to develop composure and calm.
- Release negative emotions . Their accumulation leads to uncontrollable temper. A person senses such moments in advance. Troubles at work, fatigue, constant insomnia unsettle. It's like a stack of dry straw that bursts into flames with just one match. To prevent passions from getting too intense, relieve your irritation in time. Extreme rest, sports activities, and yoga help.
- Use your imagination . Laughter and an ironic attitude saves you in any situation. Of course, you don’t have to smile when curse words are thrown at you. Just imagine the offender in a ridiculous way. Mentally put a clown suit on your boss and throw a bucket of water on your friend. The exercise is not about coming up with the funniest image. The main thing is that you are distracted for a while, the brain will receive different emotions. As a result, the anger will subside.
- Switch over . Channel irritability in a useful direction. Carry out a general cleaning; your head is well cleared when throwing rubbish out of the house. Do things that you have been putting off for a long time: wash the windows, take the dog for a haircut, attend interesting events. While doing other things, you will notice that the irritation has gone away.
- Talk about feelings . Innocent people fall under the hot hand. Therefore, it is important to respond to the first signs of temper. As soon as you realize that the actions or words of your interlocutor irritate you, stop the conversation. If you have a loved one in front of you, then explain why you do not want to continue communication. It is important to speak calmly, without accusations or offensive words.
Being emotionally open is a difficult task for a person. There are few people who know how to express in words what is in their hearts. As a rule, we think one thing and say something completely different. A good method to prevent temper tantrums is to talk to yourself. Express everything that is boiling, just be sure to say the problems out loud. If you think it's stupid to talk to yourself, then tell a stranger. We are more open with a taxi driver or a fellow traveler on the train than with loved ones.
A person understands that hot temper is a negative character trait. After such manifestations, a feeling of guilt remains. People apologize for their actions or become isolated and twist the annoying moment. If you understand that hot temper only brings trouble, then it’s time to take the next step - learn to control it.
Intermittent temper disorder
This disorder can most often be found in the stronger half of humanity. Signs include aggression, verbal abuse, uncontrollable anger, and assault. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is a mental health disorder and requires immediate treatment, otherwise the consequences can be very different. Outbursts of anger and aggression most often affect people who are nearby - colleagues, friends, family. Because of this disorder, other mental disorders may appear - alcoholism and drug addiction, which can further worsen a person’s situation.
Temper is empty
If a person flares up out of the blue, this is an empty temper. It is often equated to a bad habit. And it arises as a result of the increased attention of parents and grandparents to the child. Such children most often achieve what they want by crying and hysterics. Accordingly, this habit remains as one grows up. A mature person begins to think that if he just shouts at someone, all his problems will immediately be solved. Thus, the cause may be not only the gene, but also upbringing.
Hot temper, how to get rid of it physiologically?
Since aggression appears as a result of signals sent to the brain, a person is able to trigger a reverse reaction. To master this skill, you will have to practice. The easiest way to not react to a stimulus is to take a couple of deep breaths. Sometimes one minute is enough to reduce the intensity of emotions.
How to get rid of hot temper?
- Look at yourself from the outside . To understand how anger takes over the body and mind, do a simple exercise. To do this, stand in front of the mirror and remember the unpleasant situation or the offender. Next, watch how your facial expression changes and your body tenses. If you haven’t managed to get used to the role, then help yourself. Frown your face, tense your cheekbones and muscles, clench your fists, scream. After a couple of minutes, the brain will pick up the signal and activate physiological processes. You will feel that you are starting to boil and feel aggression. This exercise helps you understand that if a person is able to cause a temper, he can also remove it.
- Let's learn to be calm. Spend 15 minutes on the exercise. in a day. It is best to do it in the morning, when the person is rested and relaxed. While maintaining this state, stand in front of the mirror and smile at the reflection. Say out loud that you are a calm and balanced person. Then imagine that someone has offended you, rehearse a condescending look, come up with a witty joke. Transfer your skills to real life. Ask a friend to make you angry, remember the pose you practiced in front of the mirror. At the initial stage, the main thing is to catch the moment when aggression starts and stop it in a timely manner.
- Realizing that hot-tempered behavior is stupid and uncivilized also helps control the feeling. Aggression will not help in a quarrel, anger is not the best ally in work conflicts, and irritability leaves an unpleasant aftertaste.
Temper is justified
How can you explain the other - justified irascibility? This is a conscious temper that arises as a result of the fact that, for example, object A did not fulfill what object B instructed him to do. Example: an employee systematically does not fulfill the requirements that were established. In this situation, the boss has the right to lose his temper, because the employee does not respond to comments. Also, if you are asked to do something, and you ignore it several times, be prepared for the fact that next time you will no longer be asked, but, most likely, will raise your tone. Of course, losing your temper is not right, but sometimes it happens that a person simply does not react to normal treatment, in which case justified irascibility is a completely normal reaction.
How to overcome hot temper using simple methods?
In order to know how to overcome a temper, you need to learn that you should not allow any negative thoughts. If possible, don’t think about anything at all, or remember something pleasant and good. These simple methods are used by all professional psychologists, and recently by young girls too, to drive away all bad thoughts.
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Play with your child - it gives an incredible release of emotion and charges you with positivity for several days ahead. Fly a kite, jump, run, play ball, pick flowers, play with your pet and your child. Playing helps relieve stress in your brain, which causes irritability and short temper.
Exercise, especially yoga. Researchers have long recognized that the latter helps control not only one’s actions, but also emotions. Physical exercise helps trigger happiness hormones from within, which will obviously make you feel happier.
Go visit, or rent a car or bike and ride to the nearest beach. Or you can go shopping if the weather does not allow you to go out into nature. If you feel like you're starting to get irritated just thinking about work, then maybe you should take a short three-day vacation and go somewhere together as a family. And it doesn’t have to be abroad or a beach; the nearest mountain, clearing or other beautiful place near you is quite suitable.
Talk to family and friends, especially those you haven't seen for a long time. They probably miss you very much, and a pleasant conversation will distract you from all sorts of irritants for a long time.
Sometimes the cause of hot temper and irritability is a simple lack of sleep. There is only one way out in such a situation - long and high-quality sleep. For many people, this is one of the best ways to overcome irritability. Perhaps this method will suit you too. As soon as you feel the first notes of irritation, the first thing you should do is just rest. And in the next situation, just sleep and you will see the effect when you wake up. It won't make you forget about the cause or irritant, but at least you will feel better.
It's better to spend your time producing all these things than wasting your time and nerves on annoying anyone.
