To recognize a gigolo in a new fan, it is not at all necessary to ask him about it directly. A few sure signs will help a woman spot a scammer.
Expensive restaurants, branded clothing and shoes, luxury cars, luxury apartments in the center and other attributes of a luxurious life attract some men so much that, unable to earn it all on their own, they become the keepers of rich ladies. Alphonses pretend to be in love, promise their victims a quick wedding, seem sincere and convincing, and at the same time live off deceived wealthy women.
In order not to get hooked by a professional gigolo, girls need to be “on alert” and at the first suspicion take a closer look at their chosen one.
Male gigolo
Who is a gigolo man: signs
Alphonse is a man who seeks to earn money by deception, namely by regularly begging large sums from his chosen one. A man may turn out to be a gigolo if:
- He constantly praises the virtues of his woman , never ceases to admire her talents (which may not actually exist), beauty, intelligence and excellent manners.
- The gigolo man is always courteous, attentive, kind and caring .
- To “blur his eyes,” a gigolo can invite a woman to a cafe or inexpensive restaurant several times. However, he soon begins to have troubles, difficulties with money , and he sadly informs his victim about this.
- often “forgets” his wallet and asks to pay for it , promising to repay the debt soon.
- His friends, relatives, hobbies, occupation - a secret behind seven locks. A professional gigolo will never talk or talk much about himself. Typically, he will ask the woman questions and listen carefully. This way he will collect the necessary information and find the “weak points” of the victim.
- He presses for pity . Alphonse tells the naive lady various sad, pitiful stories, asks for money, promising to return it soon.
- The man promises to marry as soon as his financial situation stabilizes.
- He doesn't have a permanent job.
- As soon as a woman begins to refuse money to the gigolo, he will immediately lose all interest in her.
Who is a gigolo man: signs
How gigolo men behave: rules of conduct
All gigolos have a similar “handwriting”. The scenario of the behavior of these men seems to be written as a carbon copy. All of them:
- They take care of their appearance , keep their body in shape, visit beauty salons, gyms and solariums.
- They conquer women with good manners, attentiveness and courtesy . Generous with words, but stingy with gifts.
- They conduct the conversation leisurely, making significant pauses in the conversation, looking into the woman’s eyes .
- They confess to the lady their strong feelings for her, giving hope for the extension and legitimization of the relationship in the future.
- with interest to stories about a woman’s work, personal life, and hobbies .
- If a woman asks for help, they refuse under any pretext or promise help, but not immediately, but sometime later.
- They talk about their work (which in fact does not exist) evasively, in general phrases, or translate the topic.
- never invite women to their home, do not introduce them to relatives and friends, and do not show them documents .
- They try to do everything possible to ensure that their victims communicate with their friends and relatives as little as possible.
In Russia, gigolos began to be called men who live in the support of wealthy ladies, in honor of the hero of A. Dumas’s comedy “Monsieur Alphonse,” who spent the money the woman earned on his own pleasures. Alphonse abroad is a common male name.
How gigolo men behave: rules of conduct
A short historical excursion
Women's emancipation also aggravated the situation.
We so wanted to become independent and equal to men that we achieved our goal... This phenomenon gave a strong impetus to the widespread infantilization of heroes and knights, many of whom initially resisted, and then decided that it was even more convenient. This gave birth to a new class of men - Alfons. Who is gigolo? This is a man who receives benefits from a woman (usually material) by establishing emotional and physical contact with her. However, it would not be entirely fair to assume that they appeared only in the 20th century.
The very concept of “alphonse” appeared in our country thanks to Alexandre Dumas the son, who in 1873 wrote the comedy novel “Monsieur Alphonse”. The book tells the story of a man who lived on the support of a woman of easy virtue.
Thus, there were men eager to live off the fair sex in the 19th century and much earlier.
Psychology of the gigolo man, characteristics
The victims of gigolo men are not always rich ladies. Very often, kindness and gullibility play a cruel joke with ordinary women who give their last to help their loved one in a difficult life situation.
Household gigolos do not need too much from their victims. If a woman has her own home and a promising job with a good salary, she can easily be deceived by such a scammer. Gentle, affectionate, kind, but at the same time unemployed and lacking initiative, he settles down next to the active, businesslike and kind “mommy”.
He calmly spends the money the woman earns on his own needs, and sometimes helps with housework for this. In cases where a woman is satisfied with this situation, her relationship with a gigolo can last quite a long time.
Psychology of the gigolo man, characteristics
A conscientious gigolo tries to meet a wealthy lady. As a rule, this man is well versed in women, knows how to charm and make people fall in love with him. He chooses women of “Balzac’s age” who still crave love adventures, but have already lost their former charm.
The lack of male attention immediately makes itself felt. A wealthy but lonely lady believes every word of the rogue, lets him into her life and, in the end, pays for it with her own money. After the gigolo disappears with a decent amount of money to “solve problems,” the woman still continues to wait for him for some time. When the epiphany comes, it is too late - the would-be groom is probably already winning new hearts on the other side of the country.
A conscientious gigolo is well versed in female psychology, knows how to charm and please
Who is at risk?
Of course, there are women whom gigolos bypass on the tenth route. Realizing that there is nothing to catch, they merge immediately. They are very insightful and know the intricacies of female psychology.
Therefore, their victims are, first of all, girls with low self-esteem and a lack of male attention, desperately in need of moral support, kind words and understanding. But they are independent in everyday life.
All you need to give such a woman is a little affection, flattery and attention, hope for a bright common future - and she is yours.
At risk are all “wounded” souls, women with difficult baggage of the past behind them, difficult breakups, maybe the death of a loved one, desperate to find their destiny, unsure of themselves. The likelihood of running into a gigolo also increases with an increase in a woman’s social status and income.
The presence of a pronounced hypermaternal instinct, when it is simply necessary to take care of someone, or with the life motto “I myself!” also significantly increase the chances of falling into the gigolo network.
How to recognize a gigolo man on a dating site or in real life?
Dating sites are the favorite “habitat” of gigolos. Here, selfish men can take a closer look at their chosen one and find out whether it is worth spending time on her. Moreover, a man will not need money at all for a date online.
How can a woman recognize a gigolo on a dating site? Just pay attention to what the groom writes:
- He willingly sends his photos. You will see your chosen one “in all his glory”: there will be portraits and full-length photos taken at professional photo shoots.
- The appearance and figure of the man in the photographs is impeccable.
- When corresponding, the man does not make spelling or punctuation errors and constructs sentences correctly.
- There is no hint of vulgarity or rudeness in communication. Alphonse showers his chosen one with compliments, admires her beauty, and is interested in the details of her life.
- He admits that he dreams of meeting true love, but so far he has had no luck.
- He will tell very little about himself.
- If a woman admits that she needs money, she stops communicating with her.
Internet gigolos have several options in development at the same time. They send the women identical poems and cards. They also swear eternal love to several ladies at once.
How to recognize a gigolo man on a dating site?
In real life, gigolo behaves the same way as he does online. All his actions are aimed at charming a woman and making her fall in love with him. Alphonse says compliments and tender words, looks into the eyes, sighs sadly. At the same time, he is in no hurry to give gifts to his chosen one. He talks little and reluctantly about himself.
He forgets money at home or loses it, and his salary is delayed. A woman often has to pay for her boyfriend in restaurants and shops. Soon he starts talking about problems with his business (which, by the way, does not exist) or other incredible difficulties.
How to recognize a gigolo man in life?
Why do men become gigolos?
It is the women themselves, or rather their behavior, who force gigolos to choose an easy, albeit dishonest, way to make money. From childhood, boys get used to the fact that women are stronger and more authoritative than most men. They watch how their mother easily copes with problems and earns money to provide the family with everything they need.
From the hands of a woman, the boy gets used to receiving everything he needs. When he grows up, he simply cannot cope with the problems that have befallen him, so he finds the same “mommy” who is ready to do anything for him, and continues to live as before.
Why do men become gigolos?
"Household stuck"3
In the modern world, this type of gigolo is the most common and most women quite legitimately call him by the name assigned by the state - “husband”. Yes, yes, there is absolutely nothing to be surprised here.
No one has yet canceled the fact that an officially registered spouse with a stamp in his passport cannot turn out to be the same “legalized” gigolo. He lives in the same apartment with his wife (and possibly with children, whom he quite often reproduces). At the same time, he does not work and places all concerns about himself and his beloved on the shoulders of his dearest half.
At the same time, some representatives may still try from time to time to tell their wife that this is all temporary and the moment will come when he will “get promoted” (they will be appreciated at work, promoted in rank, his invention, which is important to society, will be appreciated and recognized) ) and his wife will live like in a fairy tale.
But this fairy tale, voiced by the gigolo husband, turns out to be life-long (of course, if the woman does not get tired of taking the noodles out of her ears and does not kick such a “breadwinner” out of the house). By the way, often the wives of such storytellers are more fully aware that their husband is driven by banal laziness and she shouldn’t count on his huge earnings even in her wildest dreams.
Another category of husbands, sitting on the necks of their own wives, chooses a slightly different strategy of behavior - they are supposedly purposefully looking for work, but dull employers cannot appreciate the unrivaledness and value of a potential employee and either offer him to work for a pittance, or even refuse him work. workplace.
If a woman tolerates such behavior from her own husband, this directly indicates that she is complex. She is prevented from kicking such a lazy person out of the house by banal hopelessness and fear of being left alone. Although, in the opinion of others, it would be better to live as it is sung in one of the pop hits of past years - “it’s better not at all, instead of somehow.”
If a man is a gigolo: what to do?
When a woman realizes that there is an ordinary gigolo next to her, she is already so much in love that she is ready to forgive him everything. The hardest thing is to get over yourself and your feelings and end such a relationship. It is naive to hope that gigolo will change.
You can very easily test the “strength of feelings” of such a man, and at the same time prove to yourself that continuing the relationship is pointless. It is enough to simply tell the gigolo that the money has run out and will not appear soon. The scammer will soon disappear under any pretext.
If a man is a gigolo: what to do?
We all come from childhood
There is another reason for the appearance of gigolos.
A woman who has complaints against a man due to his insolvency and immaturity should carefully look at who she is raising her son to be. Who is gigolo? This is a man who is unable to take responsibility for his life and the lives of other people (family members) - victims of strong and domineering mothers who decide everything all the time, or who coddle excessively with their sons, not being able to accept the fact of his inherent masculinity.
How to get rid of a gigolo man?
It will not be possible to get rid of the gigolo right away if the relationship has gone far enough. If you can’t say it directly, proceed as follows:
- stop giving money and any other help
- start complaining back, ask a man for help
- come up with a big problem and talk only about it
- ask the man to go to work, get money to pay off his debts
This will be enough for the gigolo to immediately feel uncomfortable, and then completely disappear from the woman’s life.
How to get rid of a gigolo man?
After breaking up with a gigolo, a woman will certainly feel emptiness, pain and loneliness. Being cruelly deceived by a beloved man and realizing one’s own helplessness is very difficult, so sometimes ladies have to turn to a psychologist for help.
The gigolo's victim needs to be prepared for the fact that he will be haunted by a depressive state for a long time. However, it is important to understand that sooner or later everything will get better, the pain will subside, and on the path of life you will definitely meet a real strong, kind, loving and caring man.
