Psychology » Family
September 18, 2019FamilyPusha Ko03.4k.
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It often happens that over time, the spark in a couple's relationship fades. There is no more hot sex and wild craving for each other.
Surprises, breakfasts with bouquets of flowers and coffee in bed went somewhere. The romance has disappeared. Cooling in relationships.
Intimacy has become familiar, its scenario is expected. Boring. The girl, of course, worries: what’s wrong?
Or she thinks that he turned out to be not at all who she thought he was. She thinks she was wrong. And the search begins for the answer to the question: how to return passion to your relationship with your husband?
- So, how to get away from everyday life and bring passion back into your relationship?
- Remember, you need and can communicate with a man!
- Be sure to adequately perceive the truth!
- How to bring back passion with your husband? Everything depends only on you
- In the beginning you were different...
- Remember, you influence each other
- And again spring, and again love
- Is wearing second-hand clothes at home a relic of the past?
- Unusual gifts. Romantic weekends, dates at night on the seashore
- Allow yourself and your man more
- Bring quality time together back into your relationship
- Passion is flirting, sex!
- Is there a chance to bring back the passion in a relationship?
- psiho-logika.com has an article that you need to read! Choose and read!
Remember, you need and can communicate with a man!
You voluntarily entered into a relationship, somehow communicated all the time. But for some reason you are afraid like fire to talk to a man about what worries you. With my man.
Why? What are you afraid of? That he won’t understand you and will reject you?
Tell your man: “Dear, I am grateful to you for everything that we had and have. Everything is fine, everything suits me, except for a small nuance. I'm worried that something has apparently changed a little. You stopped giving me little gifts/ kissing me before leaving for work, taking me to the movies and restaurants...
What has changed, what is wrong? All this was there before, but now it is not. I'm worried, I'm confused. Give me advice. What am I doing wrong and how can I change it, how can I get it all back? What do I need to do?
Believe me, it's quite simple, but it's an effective way. Don't be afraid to make contact. Don't hide behind a stone wall and push yourself further.
Where love begins - 7 stages of relationships
At the beginning of the article, I promised to tell you about at what stage of a relationship, contrary to stereotypes, love actually begins. Relationships go through seven stages, and love begins at the very end. So, there are seven stages that any relationship inevitably goes through:
Stage #1: Falling in love
This is that sweet candy-bouquet period that people call love. Poems have been written about him, songs have been sung, films have been made and books have been written. During this period, the mind is clouded by a surge of hormones, you are in euphoria and are not able to look at your partner sensibly and objectively. This period lasts 1-3 years. Typically, the longer you don't live together, the longer it lasts. This surge of hormones and the resulting euphoria were not invented by chance by nature: after all, if we could immediately soberly see a loved one with all his shortcomings, we would create families much less, and procreation would become a rarity.
Stage #2: Satiety
The grinding is over, and you see that your partner has shortcomings. Usually it is at this stage that you already begin to think: “How to bring passion back into the relationship? It seems love has passed." But in fact, it is still quite far away! Typically, the second stage occurs after two people start living together. Now you not only notice flaws, but you can see them up close. This is the time of the first disappointments.
Stage #3: Disgust
Most couples separate at this stage. This is the beginning of the first quarrels, accompanied by a concentration on the partner’s shortcomings. It may seem to you that there is absolutely nothing good about it. To get through this period and move on, remember the mirror rule. Any conflict with another person is always, absolutely always a conflict with oneself. Every time you want to quarrel, first think about why you want to quarrel with yourself? What need of yours have you not satisfied?
At the stage of disgust, as a rule, partners often sort things out. Read this article about how to quarrel correctly so that the conflict only leads to the development of relationships.
Stage #4: Patience
Calm, just calm. You have already passed the most difficult part, the stage of disgust, which means that your relationship may well last a lifetime. Well, or at least twenty years. During the patience stage, you both learn to be more comfortable with each other's shortcomings and come to terms with some of them. Your relationship is developing and will soon become love. You are already great!
Stage #5: Respect
Finally, you begin to understand that relationships are built on efforts on the part of both, and you learn to make your own efforts to maintain them. Not everyone reaches this stage. Moreover, many couples live their entire lives in the previous stage. Most people never think about working on themselves and do not shift their focus to themselves. Such people think that everyone around them owes them and everyone except them is to blame. But those who decide to grow up and take responsibility for conflicts reach this stage and understand what love is.
At this stage, people begin to pay attention to what the partner wants. And they try to satisfy each other's needs.
Stage #6: Friendship
You have learned to understand each other, support, communicate. You really feel good together. You trust and are grateful for a lot to your partner. You have learned to please each other. You have become dear to each other. Your partner is your true friend.
Stage #7: Love
Congratulations! You have reached the finish line. And at the finish line, love begins. To reach it, you need to be mature people. Learn to quarrel correctly, listen to each other. Then start meeting the needs of others. Then make friends. Throughout all these stages you learn to serve each other. If you can pacify your pride and begin to serve your partner, then love can gradually come into your life.
The duration of the relationship stages is individual for each couple. The more mature and aware people enter into relationships, the faster they go through all stages.
Read about how to go through all seven stages, how to communicate, quarrel, give, receive, serve and thank correctly in articles about the psychology of relationships and the psychology of men in relationships. Life is a constant work on yourself. If you refuse to work, life will go completely differently than you originally intended. So take it into your own hands. And you can understand what is happening in your relationship, where it leads and how, if necessary, to give it a different direction, in a consultation on Skype.
How to bring back passion with your husband? Everything depends only on you
It depends on you, what your relationship will be like, whether the man will be honest, whether he will want to be open with you
Begin with yourself. A smart woman takes care of herself. She upgrades not a man, but herself. It all starts with you. Begin with yourself. And keep the focus on yourself. You get what you get for it.
In the beginning you were different...
Ask yourself the question: “How can I become that woman around whom there will always be a holiday? Which man will want to protect, please, surprise? Who will want to take care of?”
How to ignite passion 8 tips: appearance, experiments, feminine tricks
The wife has a wide range of tools at her disposal that will allow her to refresh her relationship and bring novelty and spontaneity into it. Men get tired of routine and monotony, so experiments always excite the stronger sex and light a spark. It’s worth trying to hit on several fronts at the same time, to become unpredictable for him in a good way.
Candles, roses, beautiful lingerie
It is mistakenly believed that only girls need romance, but surveys of the male population have revealed that guys like it no less. An appropriate atmosphere will help to revive the atmosphere in the marital bedroom: flower petals scattered on the floor and bed, the fragrance of scented candles, light music are much more attractive than the dull fussing under the blanket.
Light illumination (garland, night light) will allow a man to receive visual pleasure from contemplating the process. Don't forget about an attractive night outfit. A corset, stockings, a sexy translucent nightgown, an erotic lingerie set - as old as time, but it works perfectly.
Romantic dinner for two
A perfect start to a hot night. The main thing is to prepare light meals so that after eating you don’t feel sleepy. A bottle of your favorite wine or champagne would be appropriate. You can add natural aphrodisiacs to the menu: pumpkin seeds, walnuts, honey, ginger root, artichokes, dark chocolate, pomegranate and, of course, seafood (mussels, oysters, squid).
Remember all
Joint viewing of photographs and videos capturing happy moments of trips, vacations, significant acquisitions, and the birth of children brings us incredibly closer together. Such memories allow you to re-immerse yourself in an atmosphere of joy. It is worth remembering funny situations, funny incidents that happened to a married couple - a lot of positive emotions are guaranteed.
Allow yourself bold experiments
During the period of resuscitation of passion, you should not be afraid to move away from stereotyped solutions. You can experiment with anything - from your own image (new haircut, unusual makeup, clothing style) to behavior and places where you can indulge in love. A man is pleasantly surprised by a woman’s initiative from a partner who is not typical of this
Don't mix sex and life
You need to learn to separate routine matters from your intimate life. Constantly having sex strictly in the bedroom with the lights off at the same time (when the children are sleeping) turns passionate contact into a duty.
Allow yourself and your man more
To maintain passion in a marriage, you don't need to spend all your free time together. You simply stop appreciating each other. Breakups are useful for short periods of time.
Walking with girlfriends and watching football with friends is beneficial. It is useful to go away on vacation sometimes separately. Have hobbies that your man does not have, and vice versa.
A man cannot be interested in you and he will not be interested in you if you are too close. No, that's good. But there must be a golden mean in everything.
Let him miss you. Let him and yourself develop not only together, but also separately, give everyone personal space. Then interest will be awakened. You will begin to study each other again. Separate time is useful.
Psychologist's advice
Psychologists definitely won’t help from a distance and without knowing the nature of your relationship. Seek professional help if you understand that you can’t handle it on your own. You can sign up and come for a consultation individually or with a partner.
You need to know: from a psychological point of view, the moment of disappearance of passion is inevitable . We must be prepared for it and resolve the difficulties that arise together.
What not to do
Do not try to solve other problems with the help of sex, manipulate or force your loved one.
Your thoughts and actions should be sincere and aimed at maintaining healthy relationships. Don't make passion an end in itself. If for some reason you don’t want to go to bed with your significant other, first sort yourself out.
Manipulating a spouse through the bed is absolutely contraindicated in any relationship. Photo: https://media-cdn.t24.com.tr
Passion is flirting, sex!
Maybe you’ve already forgotten what it’s like to flirt? Be the first to start. Flirt with your man, seduce, entice.
Passion fades - and sex is no longer the same. Not the same as it was. Think about how you can make the process more interesting and hotter. You are a woman, remember this. In the bustle of everyday and work problems, you get tired and forget it.
Remember and feel what it’s like to be feminine and desirable, to be sexy and loved.
Try to bring something new to sex. Poses, places. Change the script. Do something unusual for you. Have romantic dinners and sexy surprises.
Where has the passion gone?
You meet a person you really like. You are drawn to him. Passion, love arises... And this is the result of complex chemical processes that occur in our body. No romance, just the laws of nature. The very hormones (endorphins, serotonin, adrenaline, etc.) that help us live make us reach out to another person.
All these reactions are new to the body (and with each new person we feel everything a little differently) and it begins to bask in euphoria. But good things cannot last forever, and at a certain moment, love passes and passion goes along with it. Here the brain begins to work and reproduce lived scenarios. We begin to rely on past experiences and not always behave well. Also, our rose-colored glasses come off and we see all the flaws of our partner. Naturally, we try to remake it for ourselves. Spoiler: it brings a lot of pain and tears to both. What kind of passion are we talking about here?
If people go through this stage, they decide to join their lives in marriage. Well, that same everyday life begins in him, which eats up the remnants of passion. You are not trying to do something pleasing to your partner sexually. Your conversations devolve into discussions of children and grocery lists. And it's also good if you talk to each other!
The feeling of novelty and attraction disappears. There are not enough bright emotions. You become commonplace for each other. It's good if the relationship is based on strong love. Well, what if all that remains is just a habit?
Be open with your partner
Since the first meeting in a long-term relationship, partners' sexual preferences may have changed. Often people themselves cannot determine exactly what turns them on and what they want in sex.
Re-learn sex. According to Psychologies, sexual partners need to learn to talk about erotic desires. Couples can increase attraction, restore passion, and take their relationship to the next level by:
- During intimacy, they take turns exploring themselves. Forget about erogenous zones and experiment with non-sexual parts of the body - the soles of your feet or the back of your head;
- concentrate on sensory sensations;
- try new caresses, look for sensitive points on the body;
- They will describe in detail to their partner their feelings during foreplay and sex.
This technique will allow you to immerse yourself in your partner’s emotional experiences and understand your own feelings.
It is important that partners are genuinely interested in emotional honesty. Learning to describe your sexual sensations and emotions is difficult. Introduce the practice gently and gradually. Over time, through intimacy, you will get the opportunity to get to know your true self.
What mistakes contribute to the disappearance of passion?
Agree, a full-fledged relationship without passion is impossible. Passion is one of those threads that keeps two people together. That’s why it’s so important to preserve and maintain it throughout your life.
But often spouses make mistakes that kill passion and can even lead to divorce:
- underestimate the seriousness of existing problems;
- ignore the interests and needs of their partner;
- trying to hush up conflicts;
- refuse everything new;
- remain conservative in expressing feelings;
- accumulate grievances and do not try to forgive.
There can be many mistakes, but the main one is the unwillingness to fight to return the passion that disappears from the relationship.
Show passion for yourself
When partners want to reignite passion in a relationship, they need to fill their own lives and themselves with passion. As psychologist and writer Esther Perel writes in the book “Reproduction in Captivity. How to reconcile eroticism and everyday life,” the other half experiences the greatest attraction to a partner when he is completely absorbed in what he loves.
Ask yourself questions:
- What is my attitude towards myself?
- Is my life boring and gloomy or filled with passion?
- Do I love myself?
Analyze what causes dissatisfaction in life and what gives true pleasure. Light yourself up from the inside:
- Start changing your body. Among the many ways (yoga, running, breathing techniques, dancing, etc.), choose the one that brings you pleasure. The pleasure that comes from working with the body saturates the human body with joy hormones and generates a lot of energy.
- Find something you are passionate about. Get pleasure from your hobby, and it will become the key to sexual desire as well.
- Live in harmony with your own inner world, make sure that life is in full swing, gives pleasure, and is full of events and impressions.
Meetings at a hotel, a beautiful image, lace underwear, expensive gifts and other artificial ways of reviving passion actually have little effect on the internal attitude towards oneself and one’s partner. Learn to give yourself what you want to receive from your lover, and passion will definitely flare up and flare up with renewed vigor.
How a couple can ignite passion in a relationship: Pixabay
How to understand that the passion in a relationship has faded?
There are several ways to do this. Strong female intuition will tell you that the relationship has cooled due to the following signs:
- The man no longer looks at you with enthusiastic eyes. Doesn't bring flowers, doesn't joke.
- The family moved into the background for him. He stays late at work more and more often, and upon returning he immediately goes to bed.
Who wouldn’t suspect something was wrong in such a situation? After all, intimacy with her husband is important to every woman. She wants to be loved, feel cared for and know that she is supported in any situation.
Problems are not always bad
Even the happiest relationships face problems. Don't view them as something that will undo all the progress you're making with your partner. Challenges are opportunities! They are your chance to grow, improve and develop relationships. Problems can be markers that show us how to repair broken relationships. Learn to see challenges for what they are and purposefully respond to them with an open mind and a sense of humor rather than fear.
Too often we avoid dealing with problems that bother us simply because we are afraid, and that is why we lose sight of them. Instead, look at the problem now while it is still manageable. Think back to your life when you were fifteen years old. What was your worst problem? And at twenty-five? Problems change because people adapt and improve. You can laugh about these old difficulties, so why not take advantage of it now? However, the ability to delve into these problems is tied to the stages of the relationship. Let's talk about them in more detail below.
What do men want
Unlike women, men don't need extra emotions to want sex. And the reason for this is the same testosterone. This means they think about sex more often and want it more often, requiring much less emotional intimacy before making love.
In fact, men are the opposite of women in this regard: the more sex a couple has, the stronger the man's feelings for his wife and the better his feeling about the marriage.
It may come as no surprise that a man's confidence is usually tied to how good he is in bed and how he satisfies his wife. He gets his emotional needs met by the very fact of sex. Because of this, men often simply cannot understand why their wives don't think as much about sex and don't want it as much as they do.
What's the solution?
It is very simple: make love! And this point should also be understood by the girl. We remember the previous point and do everything to arouse her interest in bed. Following this will come the emotional intimacy that she needs so much, because she will feel that you value her. And the desire for physical intimacy in the future will be stronger for both.
It is also very important to give the woman time. One traditional strategy used for couples with sexual problems is to avoid rushing into sexual intercourse itself, but to learn to appreciate and enjoy other types of intimacy. It should not be news to you that girls love kisses and hugs, and that foreplay is very important to them.
If your relationship is starting to improve, but you realize that your sex life is still lagging, do not be afraid to consult a sexologist or therapist. And if this prospect doesn’t make you happy, you can try to conduct introspection using the “Ex Factor” course, which also contains useful tips on how to save the marriage as a whole and strengthen relationships.
Learn to be mysterious and enigmatic
Contrary to popular belief, your partner doesn't have to know everything about you. You must have your secrets.
Sometimes we confuse intimacy with sharing every little thing. Yes, it creates a feeling of deep connection in your relationship. But disclosing every little detail is not necessary.
Keep in mind that secrecy helps you feel alive in a relationship. This doesn't mean you should avoid your partner. It simply means that you consciously decide what to share and what to keep to yourself.
"Passion" or passion? What do we want?
Passion and “passions” are not the same thing. Life together can be emotionally stormy, “passions” can boil in it - quarrels, showdowns, which can end in bed. There is obvious indifference to each other. There is no cooling, something burns and even explodes.
- This happens with us. You should have seen what was on the wall here. - What, brains? - No, naval pasta. I threw a frying pan at him.
Such passion shakes the foundation of relationships. Demands for attention, resentment, mutual reproaches and claims are a manifestation of misunderstanding and emotional instability, which will ultimately lead to the fading of real passion.
What kind of passion do we want? The same as it was in the beginning. A strong attraction that glues into one inseparable whole. One breath for two. Completely different emotions: you forget about yourself, you want to think only about your loved one and do everything to make him feel good. I want to dissolve in my beloved. He is perfection. She is a perfect beauty. Crazy happiness.
But time passes, and questions arise: how to return the former passion for your husband, how to return the former passion for your wife? Why does attraction go away? At Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology” you can find answers to these questions.
Break the pattern of a couple as one
At the beginning of a relationship, lovers experience mutual attraction and a desire to be together always and everywhere. Over time, the desire to become one leads to the opposite effect.
As psychotherapist and writer Esther Perel writes in her book “Always Desired,” the formation of intimacy deprives partners of the sense of independence and freedom that are required for the emergence of sexual desire. When a complete fusion occurs in a couple, an excess of intimacy suppresses sexual desire.
How to bring passion back into your relationship with your husband? To reignite the fire of love:
- sleep 1-2 times a week under different blankets, or even in different beds;
- break up for a few days, go to visit loved ones or go on vacation;
- spend a weekend evening apart;
- mentally leave your comfort zone. Imagine that your partner is not there and feel alone/lonely for a while.
Changing the clichés in a relationship will allow you to feel the lack of your partner, which will increase the energy of passion in the relationship. Create a feeling of your partner's absence regularly, as well as a state of intimacy. Such alternations will enliven the relationship and increase the sexual attractiveness of the partner.
Balance between trust and independence, intimacy and personal freedom. Develop yourself and give your partner the opportunity to move forward. Two accomplished and independent personalities are more interesting to each other.
How to bring back passion: Pixabay
Do you want a decent man? Then remember this phrase: “I am grateful to you, thank you.”
And try to do this with every man you interact with, even for every little thing, even for what they already do for you. They already give you flowers, another flower - thank you for it. The door was opened for you. The man even just tried to help, but you refused his help, thank him for trying to help. Thank you for your intention to help you. Someone solved a problem for you, gave you a gift, did something, thank you for every little thing. Someone just smiled at you, wished you a good day, gave you a compliment - thank you. It is important. Many girls don’t know how to do this, they neglect it. They think what difference does it make, it’s not that important, it’s a trifle. It is very important.
Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions
