A very large number of people around the world are concerned about the issue of polygamy. Moreover, this applies not only to men, but also to women. It should be noted that the term female polygamy does not exist in science. According to statistics, the number of polygamous men in percentage terms significantly exceeds polygamous women. Many scientists and psychologists cannot figure out whether to consider this a problem or a mere excuse. Polygamy and monogamy are observed not only in humans, but also in animals, even flowers. So, polygamy among men – what is it?
What is male polygamy
What is polygamy
Polygamy is a form of family relationships, which is characterized by the presence of several official love partners for one person. To put it simply, this is polygamy or (less commonly) polyandry. Polygamy involves one person having multiple partners of the opposite sex.
A distinctive feature of polygamous relationships is that they are officially registered. This means that having multiple intimate relationships with multiple partners is not polygamy. Also, polygamy cannot be equated to a succession of marriages and divorces with different partners.
History of polygamy
Polygamous families began to appear because people took their cues from animals:
- dolphins show signs of attention to several females at once (in addition, they mate not only within their own species, but also with other amphibians);
- during estrus, a female rabbit mates with several males;
- the female antelope cannot be called picky in deciding the issue of procreation;
- The marsupial mouse mates with several males at once.
Polygamy among people originated in Greece. In ancient times, polygamous marriages were concluded between people belonging to the upper class. In almost all countries of the world, polygamous marriages were not empty words; they were given important political and economic significance.
During the primitive communal system, many countries practiced male polygamy, since this form of love relationship made it possible to quickly increase the population in a particular city. According to community traditions, the head of the clan had the best qualities, so he was the first to begin impregnating women. It was believed that the strongest offspring would come from the head of the clan.
People's ideas about an ideal marriage were formed on the basis of cultural trends, philosophical views, and legal documents in force on the territory of the state. In ancient times, they were influenced by patriarchy and harsh living conditions.
In China and Polynesia, for many centuries there was a belief that polygamy of men (a man’s personal predisposition to multiple sexual contacts) is the only way to preserve their potency. The attention of several wives provided the man with spiritual comfort.
In Egypt and India, kings surrounded themselves with several women, but among the common people in these countries, polygamous families were very rare.
Additional information: Polygamy was replaced by monogamy when many countries came under the influence of Western European culture. The restructuring of the institution of marriage began with globalization in Rome.
Disadvantages of Polygamous Relationships
You should not turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of such relationships. There are undoubtedly more of them, they harm the mental state of a woman. The most important of them:
- The feeling of not getting enough sexually, but also morally and financially. After all, a man spends time, energy, and money not on one woman, but on several at once.
- Decreased self-esteem from thoughts that a man is not satisfied with something in his character or relationship. Self-esteem is also reduced by the priorities set by a man.
- Jealousy.
- Problems that arise in everyday life are much more difficult to solve, since the desires and capabilities of another party have to be taken into account.
- When there are children, polygamy is usually hidden. Children feel the tension that arises between mother and father. They are unable to defuse the situation, so secrets and misunderstandings appear in the family.
- Discussion of personal relationships by third parties. Simply put, there is a lot of gossip.
Causes of polygamy
Psychologists believe that the reasons for polygamy are:
- cultural traditions of a particular country;
- religious views;
- social foundations of society;
- deficiency of maternal affection and love in childhood;
- a man’s lack of emotional ties and trusting relationships with his mother;
- the desire of men and women to satisfy their needs in full;
- love;
- temperament;
- an attempt to assert oneself, solve psychological problems through intimate relationships with several partners;
- pathological self-esteem (overestimated or underestimated);
- a person’s reluctance to compromise, make a choice, make a decision;
- the confidence of polygamous people that polygamy will help them maintain physical health;
- the desire to survive and prolong the family line in war and post-war conditions;
- wealth and wealth of a man;
- a man’s desire to show his dominance and superiority.
Asya Rakhovich
Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.
Ask a Question
Are men polygamous and women monogamous?
If previously it was believed that every male is polygamous, today scientists have refuted this statement. There is a logical explanation for this. Polygamous relationships are usually divided into polyandry and polygamy. This is proven by the fact that not only a polygamous man can have several wives, but also a woman can build a family with several husbands.
A polygamous marriage is often created by a man, surrounding himself with the attention and care of several wives at once. But there are also examples of such a choice among women, which in sociology is called polyandry (polyandry). The same thing happens in animals: there are polygamous males, and there are females with the same preferences.
It cannot be said that by nature all men are polygamous and women are monogamous. This form of marriage as a polygamous family is chosen not only by men, but also by women.
Reasons 6
Oddly enough, many people come out in defense of men who cannot connect their lives with one lady. According to some doctors, polygamy is inherent in guys at a subconscious level by nature. This is a kind of native system for increasing the demographic indicators of the species. In this case, analogies are drawn with animals of some families. After a certain time (1-3 years), males rotate and replace the female with another, this contributes to the growth of the population of the most viable individuals.
- Some scientists turn to biology, which explains that each species has its own system of love unions. And a particular species cannot change this system at will. In men, the desire to possess several females is hardwired into the subcortex of the brain and nothing can be done about it.
If this were true, then faithful guys would not exist in nature. But every person has clear examples of the failure of such an excuse.
Psychology also has its own opinion on this matter:
- If a normal relationship has encountered difficulties, or due to improper behavior (or other circumstances) a guy has ceased to feel attracted to his lady, it is easier for a representative of the stronger sex to find a mistress and start an affair with her than to delve into the reasons for the bad situation in his own family.
- For some guys, polygamy is a way to realize themselves and increase their self-esteem. In this way, people are confirmed in their worth. This desire also originates in the subconscious, which inherited this feature from its distant ancestors. They say that an alpha male should have many females, and producing healthy offspring is the goal laid down by evolution.
And sociology views polygamy in its own way:
- It is no secret that the history of Muslims includes many bloody battles, as a result of which countries have lost their population in bloody conflicts for years. Under such conditions, marriage with several wives is an excellent way to significantly increase the birth rate. And the law, which obliges adherents of polygamy to have social influence and wealth, guarantees the next generation well-being and care.
Polygamy in men
Male polygamy is a man’s need to produce numerous offspring. Previously, this behavior ensured rapid population growth. And now, in the attraction to this form of marriage and family relations, psychologists see a man’s desire to prove to others his success. Behind this desire is an inferiority complex or the desire to compensate for the imperfections of one partner.
Polygamy of men
Some researchers consider the tendency towards polygamy to be a natural instinct of men, but what should prevail: the call of nature or the ability of a person to subordinate instincts to his will? In addition, modern polygamous males strive to satisfy their intimate needs with several women, rather than pursue the goal of numerous procreation.
Polygamous men say that each wife is unique, and together they give an amazing feeling of harmony. What one woman doesn’t have in her character, another woman has. The same applies to figure imperfections.
What is polygamy expressed in?
Phlegmatic - who is he, brief description
Polygamy of men can be expressed in dissatisfaction with any trait (psychological or physiological) in their chosen one. When this dissatisfaction is detected, the man goes to correct the situation with another woman. As a rule, having achieved harmony, he can no longer part with any of his women, since they complement each other in his eyes. This can only mean that polygamy is becoming an integral part of his life.
Polygamy occurs due to dissatisfaction with any trait of the chosen one
Polygamy in women
If there is a justification for polygamy, then polyandry has no such justification. A woman’s desire to acquire several husbands has always been condemned, so it is not customary to talk openly about polyandry.
Psychologists suggest that polyandry is caused by a girl’s desire to find a more promising man to reproduce good offspring. Experts see a connection with feminist views in a woman’s desire to have several husbands.
However, there are countries where polyandry is legal:
- southern regions of India;
- Tibet;
- China;
- Nepal;
- South America;
- certain areas of Africa.
Frateral polyandry in these countries is due to the difficult economic situation and the lack of possibility of equal division of material wealth between brothers. Therefore, parents choose a common wife for their sons. Children born in this union are common; all the woman’s husbands treat them with equal warmth.
Polyandry is explained by the desire of the family to preserve their lands, therefore this form of marriage and family relations is more characteristic of the privileged class. Among the aborigines, unions are more often concluded between one woman and one man, because they have no agricultural wealth, brothers have nothing to share.
Examples of female polygamy include the following situations:
- If a woman is not officially married, her polyandry can be considered as an experimental search for the most successful option for marriage. In addition, it is not necessary that her goal is to find an ideal husband. She can explain her behavior by freedom and independence.
- A mature lady whose children have already grown up, and her husband has stopped satisfying her in bed. In this case, she finds another partner who is much younger than her in order to improve her own women's health.
- A young woman has several men who play different roles in her life. She needs one of them, because with him she feels real pleasure in bed, the other is the father of her children, the third is needed so that she will not be ashamed to go out into the world.
Polygamy in women
Types of polygamy
Polygamy is traditionally divided into the following types:
- polygyny - polygamy (one man has several official wives);
- polyandry - polyandry (one woman has several official husbands);
- sorority marriage (a man marries his sisters);
- Swedish family (a group marriage in which several men and women live together and have a common household, or several married couples exchange partners for sex)
Swedish family
Types of polygamy5
As already mentioned, polygamy is a very broad concept, which is divided into several systems of moral attitude towards love:
- Polyandry or polyandry - when a girl wants to connect her life with several men.
- Polygyny or polygamy is when a man is not satisfied with having one permanent partner.
- Polyamory is a relationship in which multiple members of both sexes are present. A kind of love polygon with an arbitrary number of willing participants.
Polyamory is also called the Swedish family. Such a marriage is characterized by an arbitrary choice of partners. This could be one big family with three husbands and four wives, or each spouse will have their own partners on the side.
The most interesting thing is that many men confuse the concept of polygamy with polyamory. For them, a Swedish family means that in addition to their legal wife, they can have girls for sex, and when his better half begins to have boyfriends for sex, the grief-stricken husband begins to tear out his hair and does not understand why his beloved is sleeping with someone more.
Polyandry can be observed in some regions of India and Africa. The low standard of living has led to the fact that one of three brothers (for example) takes as his wife a girl who will be a wife for his brothers as well; children in such a family are considered common, and each of the fathers is obliged to take care of the offspring. This allows us to provide the new generation with a more or less decent standard of living.
Polygamy in the modern world
This form of marriage and family relations as polygamy in the modern world accounts for 10% of all marriages. It is believed that a polygamous man is not capable of the fidelity with which monogamy is associated.
However, researchers of the institution of family and marriage put forward the hypothesis that monogamy has outlived its usefulness as a form of marital relations. If this is not so, then why in the modern world the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages? In addition, betrayal is often a reason for divorce. A man is polygamous by nature, and female polygamy has its advantages. Maybe polygamy will solve the problem of adultery?
Sociologists today include simple cohabitation as this form of marriage relationship. Researchers are alarmed by the fact that more and more girls and young people prefer open relationships without obligations, refusing to tie the knot. Also an alarming bell is the fact that young people practice partner exchange: geneticists have proven that such behavior threatens a healthy gene pool, because such connections spoil male chromosomes.
In the modern world, polygamous relationships are prohibited in most countries. But this form of organization of family and life is preserved today in Muslim countries. For example:
- in the UAE;
- in Afghanistan;
- in Saudi Arabia;
- in Algeria;
- in Brunei;
- in Guinea;
- in Egypt;
- in Senegal;
- in Tanzania;
- in Pakistan;
- in Nigeria;
- in Syria;
- in Myanmar.
In Australia and Oceania, polyandry is enshrined at the legislative level, which is explained by the matriarchy of these countries.
Regulatory documents regulating the creation of a family in different countries mostly promote monogamy. Polygamy is officially prohibited by almost all Eurasian countries, as well as Western states.
Psychologists are against polygamy. After all, a polygamous person does not experience a real emotional connection, which occurs only in a couple. A polygamous male is driven by natural instinct.
Polygamy in Islam
The traditions and customs of Islam have been carefully passed down from generation to generation for many centuries. It is on them that the approval of polygamy is based. The Koran makes all the wives of one man equal to each other. Every Islamic man, upon reaching adulthood, decides for himself what type of marriage and family relationship is suitable for him.
If a man chooses polygamy, he must treat all his children and women who are part of his family equally. A polygamous male should spend the same amount of time with each wife.
Monogamous marriage is chosen by those men who do not feel strong enough to maintain a harem and share their love among all the concubines.
Cunning men who preach Islam, not being able to support several wives, nevertheless take them. They do this to force women to work. The polygamous males themselves live off their working ladies.
Polygamous man - who is he?
A polygamous man is a man who is married to several women at the same time. Although in our time the concept of male polygamy has become a little blurred and has lost its specific boundaries. Now a polygamous man is someone who cannot decide on a partner for the rest of his life and tries to satisfy his physiological needs with each person he likes. As a rule, this is very disturbing for the female sex, since women much earlier develop the desire to create family comfort and give birth to children for their chosen one.
Polygamy - what is it for men? The concept of polygamy has been known for many years. At all times there were men who were called “walkers”, “womanizers” or “Don Juans”; this was considered normal. And there were women who secretly cried at night from unrealistic dreams of winning the hearts of such gentlemen forever.
Polygamy and domestic mentality
The desire of a man to acquire several wives, as well as the desire of a woman to have several husbands, is not supported by the domestic worldview. In Russia, polygamy is prohibited, since the principles of organizing life in such a family contradict the Family Code of the Russian Federation.
In Russia, upon learning that a partner is polygamous, the second spouse feels offended and deceived. This is why adultery is becoming the most common cause of divorce in modern Russia.
The polygamous type of marriage and family relations contradicts not only the domestic mentality, but also the Orthodox religion. Therefore, from childhood, parents try to develop in their children loyalty to one chosen one.
Russians tend to be monogamous
Pros and cons of polygamous relationships
The fact that polygamous relationships exist in the world means that they have both pros and cons.
enshrined at the legislative level, polygyny allows you to quickly increase the population in a particular country;
the need for love, attention, sex is fully satisfied without the use of moral violence;
Quarrels and showdowns in polygamous families are rare.
jealousy between numerous wives or husbands, which can push people to commit crimes;
lack of emotional intimacy;
the unfavorable financial situation of several wives;
decreased female self-esteem;
personal relationships between women and men are discussed with third parties;
the subtleties of the relationship between spouses are hidden from children, as a result of which children experience distrust of their parents.
Reasons for polygamous relationships
Probably not a single person can name specific reasons for polygamy. Men treat their desires as something that cannot be changed. Women begin to look for the cause within themselves, turn to psychotherapists, and try to solve the problem.
Kinesthetic - what kind of person is this?
In fact, polygamy does not suit not only females; very often men feel caught between two fires and experience an inability to identify their soul mate. It seems to them that they have the same feelings for one, and for the second, and even for the third. In moments of reflection over the choice of a single companion, men feel that with the loss of other women some part of their soul will be lost. A monogamous man demands recognition from one specific woman.
Not much is known about the male view of polygamous relationships, because the male part of the population rarely resorts to the services of psychologists. Only recently have they stopped seeing any reason for this, so at the beginning of this century the study of this psychological trait began to gain momentum. There can be many reasons for the development of polygamy; they are all conventionally divided into physical and psychological. All psychological abnormalities, as doctors themselves say, come from childhood.
Very often, polygamy opens up to those men who, as little boys, did not receive enough of their mother’s affection and care. Therefore, in adulthood, they try to get this attention from a large number of women, in whose prototype they see their mother. Psychological polygamy is not as closely related to sexual desire as physiological polygamy.
Note! According to some research data, during sexual intercourse, the female vagina secretes a substance that provokes increased erection of the male genital organ. At such moments, the polygamous male feels “on top.” Accordingly, he does not want to lose this feeling by refusing any of the women.
