What do you call a person who doesn’t care about anyone or anything?

• September 5, 2018
• Mental disorders
• Denis Dmitriev

At all times, there has been a category of people who do not like society in all its manifestations. Such misanthropes were called misanthropes, and the disease was called misanthropy. Such people have recently become popular in media culture. Directors and book authors choose people with this character trait as the main characters in films and literary works.

Who is a manipulator in a relationship?

A manipulator is a person who seeks to gain control or power over another person through dishonest and unhealthy means.

Unlike a healthy relationship where there is reciprocity and cooperation, the manipulator tries to use, control and harass his partner.

He uses psychological pressure and deception

to change a person's behavior or attitudes or provoke a strong emotional reaction, draining his energy and undermining his well-being.

Manipulators twist your thoughts, actions and desires

into something that better suits their vision of the world, turning you into a person who serves their own goals.

You can learn to recognize the signs of manipulation so you can stop the behavior and protect yourself, your self-esteem, and your sanity.

Why is there not enough emotion in life?

According to psychoanalysts, alexithymia is considered emotional dullness , developing as a defensive reaction to a certain negative factor. Throughout life, a person constantly faces stressful situations.

If he is not able to overcome them, gradual addiction occurs. The absence of an emotional reaction to what is happening serves as a defense mechanism of the human psyche.

The reason for the appearance of alexithymia may be certain concepts of upbringing that the individual had to go through at a tender age.

Statements like “men shouldn’t cry”, “public display of emotions is the height of indecency” can lead to the development of the ability to suppress one’s own feelings.

How to overcome the state of apathy - detachment from the world around you

We found out what the state of indifference to everything around us is called, but how to deal with it yourself?

First of all, we need to remember: all experiences and our state depend on ourselves. If you or your loved one is in an apathetic state, it means he likes it that way. Give free rein to your emotions, enjoy such indifference and lack of emotions, and then get down to business. Pull your consciousness out of this abyss.

All sorts of emotional shocks are perfect as doping, such as: an exciting trip, a global move, a change of residence, an image update or a radical change in image.

If apathy has not penetrated so far, to eliminate it, it is enough to take a walk in the nearest park, engage in your favorite hobby, do some shopping or go to the cinema with a close friend.

In any case, regardless of what the condition is called, when you don’t care and life seems faceless, you need to stop in time and give your body a shake-up. The main thing to remember: apathy is temporary. It is very important to “pull yourself out by the hair” so that the situation does not develop into more complex forms, for example, depression.

How to deal with a manipulative man

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It may take some time before you realize that a man is manipulating you. These signs may not be as obvious and often appear as the relationship progresses.

If you feel like you're being manipulated, trust your instincts.

Know your rights

The first thing you need to do when you are dealing with a manipulator is to know your rights and admit that they are being violated. Remember that you have the right to defend yourself.

• You have the right to be treated with respect
• You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and desires
• You have the right to set your priorities
• You have the right to refuse without feeling guilty.
• You have the right to get what you paid for
• You have the right to have a different opinion from others
• You have the right to take care of yourself and protect yourself from physical, psychological or emotional threats.
• You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.

These basic human rights represent your boundaries.

Don't blame yourself

Because the manipulator tries to exploit your weaknesses, you may feel inadequate or even blame yourself for something.

In this situation, it is important to remember that you are not the problem, you are simply being manipulated into giving up your power and rights.

Turn your attention to him

When you hear an unreasonable offer, try focusing on the manipulator by asking a few leading questions.

For example:

• Does this seem reasonable to you?
• Do you feel like what you want is fair?
• Do I have the right to vote?
• Are you asking me or are you insisting on it?
• And what will I get from this?
• Do you really expect me to...(unreasonable suggestion)?

With such questions, you put the manipulator in front of an imaginary mirror so that he can see the true nature of his tricks. If he has even a modicum of self-awareness, he will refuse the demand and back down.

A pathological manipulator will ignore questions and insist on his own. In this case, it is best to listen to the above advice.

Postpone reply

In the case of an unreasonable request, the manipulator often immediately expects an answer in order to increase pressure and control the situation.

At such times, consider using time to your advantage and moving away from his or her immediate influence.

You can say , "I'll think about it."

Take the time to weigh the pros and cons of the situation, consider a fairer arrangement, or simply say no.

Say “No” diplomatically but firmly

A diplomatic but confident refusal will help you put your foot down while maintaining a healthy relationship. Remember that you have the right to say “No” without feeling guilty.

From time immemorial

Philanthropy has taken a variety of forms throughout history, not always pursuing exclusively philanthropic goals. Thus, in ancient Rome, the famous “bread and circuses” were sponsored, as a rule, by wealthy members of the noble class who wanted to gain popularity among the “rabble.” Each gladiatorial game had one or more sponsors - senators, patricians, military legates or provincial governors; they paid for the spectacles, fighters and, of course, the distribution of bread to the tribunes of the plebs. In part, such actions can also be called philanthropic.

In the Middle Ages, philanthropy was no less widespread; in Christian countries it became the basis of a charitable life, part of the fundamental values ​​that were embedded in religion. In a certain sense, it can be said that the knightly Orders of the Templars and Hospitallers were created from philanthropic, in other words, humane motives, because their original goal was to protect pilgrims on the road to the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, for which free hospitals and overnight accommodations were created available to any sufferer.

I don't want to decide anything. How does dependent personality disorder manifest?

“Dependent personality disorder should not be confused with addiction - dependence on drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.,” explains psychotherapist Denis Bukin. - But this is exactly the case when the similarity in the name reveals the similarity in essence. People with an addictive disorder often become alcoholics or drug addicts: either they take psychoactive substances themselves, or they are married to an alcoholic or drug addict. It remains to be seen which is worse, but an addicted woman feels more confident when she lives with an alcoholic. Firstly, she is afraid of independence, which means she is better off with an alcoholic than alone. Secondly, no one needs an alcoholic anymore, he won’t leave for someone else. However, the same applies to wives whose husbands show aggression and violence in the family: most often the victims of domestic tyrants are the same dependent women.”

People with dependent personality disorder are weak-willed, passive and strive for an alliance with a strong person who will decide everything for them. Lack of confidence in one’s abilities does not always reach the stage of a personality disorder - often these traits are present only at the level of accentuation (that is, a certain imbalance in character, noticeable, but not greatly interfering with adaptation in society). The differences between a healthy person who tends to be overly dependent on others and a person with a personality disorder are, unfortunately, largely subjective - unlike many other disorders where the diagnostic criteria are more clearly expressed.

In addition, the socially accepted idea of ​​the distribution of gender roles plays a big role here. A woman who, from the point of view of Eastern patriarchal society, is completely mentally healthy and functions well, may turn out to be completely unsuited to life in a country where gender equality exists.

If you start to analyze the situation from a sociocultural point of view, the eternal question about the chicken and the egg comes up: is it society that produces women who are inclined to rely on a strong man’s shoulder in all incomprehensible situations, or are women with such a character helping to form and maintain the patriarchal system and build weakness in cult.

Most likely, the process goes both ways. One way or another, in women this type of personality disorder is found somewhat more often, although it has not been proven that this is an objective biological difference and not a consequence of social norms: after all, a man who declares: “I am a boy, I don’t want to decide anything” is condemned will be much more likely than a woman with a similar attitude.

To be diagnosed with dependent personality disorder, a person must exhibit at least three of the following symptoms.

• The desire to shift most of the important decisions in life to others. Next to such a person there is usually a parent or spouse, dictating to him which university to enter, what job to get and what choice to make in any critical situations.
• It is very difficult to receive care and attention from others and at the same time retain the opportunity to defend one’s own point of view: few people will agree to babysit an adult who also argues. Therefore, the second important sign of a dependent personality is the inadequate subordination of one’s needs to the needs of others. “Anxiety is a constant companion of addictive disorder,” emphasizes Denis Bukin. — Afraid of being left alone, a person passively accepts any circumstances in life, as long as there is someone nearby. If he once had his own interests, he forgot about them long ago. Because if he declares his desires, what if he gets fired?! What if my husband leaves?! What if the parents turn away?! So, gradually, a dependent person is first afraid to talk about his desires, and then loses the very ability to desire anything.”
• Reluctance to make even reasonable demands to people on whom the individual is dependent - the person is so afraid of being left “unattended” that he avoids any disputes that, in his opinion, could cause a conflict.
• Feeling uncomfortable or helpless when alone due to excessive fear of being unable to live independently. Such a person will tolerate even the most unpleasant relatives or neighbors for the sake of the opportunity to ask for advice or get help in everyday life. If such a person is faced with some everyday problem, he will most likely begin to panic and call friends instead of, for example, looking for a solution on the Internet.
• Intense fear of being abandoned. It’s clear that no one likes this, and in the vast majority of cases it affects self-esteem to one degree or another. But for a dependent person, “I can’t live without him” is not an exaggeration at the peak of emotions, but a completely ordinary assessment of one’s chances of survival.
• Limited ability to make day-to-day decisions without constant advice and encouragement from others. We are not talking about existential dilemmas like “To be or not to be?”, but about the simplest things like “Which T-shirt to wear today?” or “Which dessert should I choose on the restaurant menu?” - in such situations, a person can become so suspended that, for example, he will be late for an important event.

Plus, a person’s condition must fit the general criteria of a personality disorder: that is, he must be chronically prone to an abnormal style of behavior, this must cause disharmony and stress in different areas of life and interfere with effective work and building relationships with society.

Based on a number of symptoms, dependent disorder can be confused with borderline disorder: both patients are very afraid of being abandoned and react inappropriately if they only suspect their neighbors of intending to get rid of them. But there is a difference: for a “border guard,” the fear of loneliness will manifest itself in anger and a feeling of emptiness. In this case, he can act in different ways - he can preemptively begin to ask for forgiveness for all imaginary sins, or he can attack with reproaches or even be the first to provoke a breakup. A person with a dependent personality type usually accepts this prospect more humbly, but immediately begins to look for new codependent relationships.

Where does everything come from?

“Any personality disorder is a “way of living,” which, on the one hand, appears due to innate tendencies, and on the other, is learned as a lifestyle in the parental family,” says Denis Bukin. — There is no generally accepted opinion about the causes of addictive disorder: physiologists talk about the characteristics of the brain, psychoanalysts talk about family relationships. Most likely, both of these factors are combined. Children with weak nervous systems are more likely to develop dependent personality disorder. However, the attitude of parents towards a small child is no less important. If the mother does not show enough warmth and care for the baby or treats him unevenly, the child begins to fear that he will be abandoned. Over time, the fear of abandonment takes over the psyche and takes root in habitual behavior: the baby begins to believe that one cannot upset parents with one’s desires, one must be good, that is, obey them in everything. On the other hand, authoritarian overprotection can also form dependent character traits - with an authoritative parent, the child understands that everything he needs will definitely be provided, the main thing is not to take initiative, calmly accept someone else’s care and not contradict the omnipotent elders. Later, the dominant role is taken by a spouse, a boss, or perhaps a teenage leader or gang leader. Yes, the fate of addicts is often determined by the environment in which they find themselves. In a class entirely consisting of “nerds,” they will become dutiful executives; in the criminal community, they will become secondary thieves.”

What to do?

As is the case with many personality disorders, drug treatment does not work here (unless there are co-occurring problems such as depression or anxiety disorder, which are amenable to “chemo”). In such cases, psychotherapy helps. The choice of method depends on what the patient wants to achieve: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is good because it helps to quickly (within a few months) change behavior for the better and increase the patient’s adaptability to life, but it does not provide greater insights and insight into the problem. . Psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapy are more suitable for those who want to understand themselves in detail, talk about childhood traumas and, ideally, achieve some deeper internal transformations. The disadvantage of these methods is that the process lasts much longer, and the quality of internal changes is difficult to formally measure - therefore, from the point of view of evidence-based medicine, CBT is most often ahead of other methods in terms of effectiveness. But choosing a psychotherapist is a purely personal story, and it is impossible to say in advance that this or that method is guaranteed to help: you need to look for and try what is right for you.

“Dependent personality disorder can be corrected in psychotherapy, but there are nuances,” says Denis Bukin. — Addicts willingly work with a psychologist because... they like to depend on an intelligent, authoritative specialist. And this is the main pitfall to avoid. The therapist must be constantly aware of the role that is being imposed on him and his attitude towards it and not try to “save” the addict. Directive methods, which involve the client’s submission to the psychologist, also do not work well with addicts; they only perpetuate the patient’s feeling of helplessness. The main thing that needs to be done during the correction is to increase self-esteem to an adequate level, step by step to become convinced with the client of his abilities and merits and bring him to the realization that the fear behind the inability to defend his interests has no basis. Over time, a person will develop both self-confidence and his own desires. By the way, it is interesting that the family of an addict often opposes working with a psychologist. Of course, a comfortable and pliable neurotic begins to defend his interests. For a spouse who is used to commanding, this is unpleasant.”

What are such people called?

In everyday life, unemotional people are called callous, indifferent, thick-skinned, dry, soulless, cold, indifferent, insensitive, cynical.

From a scientific point of view, such individuals are considered alexithymic.

Alexithymia is a disorder in which a person is unable to express his own emotions in words.

Alexithymics are distinguished by their conflicting nature, poor resistance to stress, and poor imagination. They often encounter somatic diseases that are formed on human emotions.

Healthy individuals experience emotions intensely , are able to recognize and understand them, and therefore eliminate and calm them.

Since the alexithymic person is not aware of his experiences, he is unable to find a competent approach to eliminating them. Such people look at the world with hostility and do not know how to react normally to stress.

They have no motivation, no moral guidelines, no goals that appear under the influence of positive emotional stimuli.

Causes of misanthropy

Such an attitude towards humanity can be formed even in childhood, when consciousness and worldview are in their infancy, and the child absorbs all the information about the surrounding reality. Of course, becoming a misanthrope is also acceptable in adulthood. To do this, a person just needs to find a number of compelling reasons, which are often associated with single or multiple negative experiences of communicating with people.

A person who does not like society as a whole may transfer onto it the negative traits he sees in specific individuals. Often, such feelings are caused by seeing unpleasant activities of people, for example, inappropriate behavior in a public place, political wars, harming the environment or cruelty to animals.

An emotionless person, why is he like this?

An unemotional or low-emotional person, why is he like this?

Some consider alexithymia to be a disease, others believe that it is a personality trait . Alexithymia is conventionally divided into primary and secondary.

Primary is caused by congenital defects that occur during the development of the fetus, the birth of a child, and the passage of the first childhood diseases.

Secondary is due to reasons that can manifest themselves at a more conscious age:

• traumatic experiences
• stressful situations,
• mental disorders.

Some experts see the causes of this disease in aspects related to public culture .

A person is not educated, he lacks a social culture, an elementary education in which he could study himself, his emotions and ways of expressing them.

Not according to the dictionary

And if you look at the question more broadly, who is this philanthropist? The oldest form of philanthropy was alms given to the poor; for these purposes, porches were created at Christian churches, where anyone could become a benefactor, gifting a beggar with a coin, helping to extend the life of a needy person for another day.

As for the deep understanding of the term “philanthropist,” its meaning is quite broad. This can include people who donate clothes to victims of natural disasters, and billionaires who buy hundreds of hectares of land for a nature reserve.

As a rule, they are wealthy people who have managed to snatch what they have from life and, it would seem, are happy with everything. This circumstance amazes many, because rich people are often considered callous, dry, and greedy, but it is thanks to philanthropy that many rich people manage to make the lives of those around them brighter.

Philanthropists now

Philanthropist - the meaning of this word in the modern world is very great; without exaggeration, it gives birth to a ray of hope in the lives of millions of people in need. Thanks to charitable programs, free shelters are created for the poor, food and clothing are collected for countries around the world where hunger and poverty reign, and humanitarian aid is sent to hot spots. Residents of Russia who remember the early 90s can also remember the famous humanitarian aid, in the form of canned food and powdered milk, which came from abroad and was sponsored by charitable foundations, where rich and not so philanthropists donated money.

Treatment

However, if the state of apathy persists for two or three weeks, and home methods have not brought any relief, they should not be underestimated. In such a situation, it is necessary to consult a doctor. Lack of energy, sadness, and refusal to engage in various activities can be warning signs of many illnesses and may require a quick check at the doctor's office and proper treatment. It is worth listening to your body and catching its “signals”. Immediate medical attention can not only improve your mood and quality of daily functioning, but above all, it can preserve your health or even save your life. And then you will no longer be bothered by the question: “I’m tired of everything, I don’t want anything, what should I do?”

Psychological support in many cases turns out to be one of the most effective ways to combat apathy. Listen to yourself and maintain mental health, and then you will not suffer because you don’t want to do anything.