What is envy: definition, white, black, signs, how envy affects the person being envied, envious people

Remember, as a child, in response to your phrase that the neighbor boy has a cool bike, and the girl from the next door was given a huge doll, your parents said: envy is bad!

- Why bad? - you tried to find out

- It’s bad and that’s all. Good children don't envy!

Years have passed. You have grown up. But sometimes, looking at someone’s success in business or a happy relationship, a nagging feeling of envy rises in the chest.

Let's figure out whether envy is so bad and why envy is not the best choice.

If you are dissatisfied with life, and some situations completely knock you out of the saddle; If your relationship is falling apart, you have given up and only look with longing and envy at the happiness of others, use a proven remedy.

This cheat sheet for attracting true love and happiness into your life will definitely help you.

Well, what about envy? And how to stop envying others?

I would like to share with you a dialogue that recently took place with my student. We discussed assignments on the course and touched on the topic: how important it is to enjoy the success and well-being of other people

. Why is it necessary to be inspired by other people's success stories, to be sincerely happy for others and to motivate yourself to succeed by observing the successes of others.

During the discussion, my student shared his thoughts with me:

I am not at all motivated by videos where someone is doing well, someone else has succeeded. They rather demotivate me. Especially if it's someone younger than me.
Just imagining that I succeeded—I like it and am pleased, but watching how it happens for others only evokes negative emotions and seems to indicate that, unlike them, nothing worked out for me.

What is the reason for this reaction? Why do you think happiness in others is absolutely annoying and demotivating?

How to stop envying others and become happy yourself?

You guessed it right. My student’s dissatisfaction is connected precisely with envy. This is a very negative emotion that can block the realization of our desires.

If we watch with envy and negativity how others realize what we ourselves want to achieve, we seem to be saying to the world, the Universe: “No, what others have is disgusting to me, I don’t need it.” And the world will not give you what you want, even if deep down in your soul and in your heart you dream of achieving the same success and happiness that you envy.

What is envy

Envy is a bad feeling, expressed in the form of hatred towards a successful person or the owner of certain benefits. Envy is the lack of ability to say something nice to another, to give him a compliment. It is based on bitterness, irritation and frustration.

Envious people think that their life is worse than that of others. This belief causes negative emotions.

In the Orthodox religion and Islam, envy is recognized as a sin. The Russian Orthodox Church sees the cause of envy in human pride. If a person is proud, it is difficult for him to be around those people who occupy a higher position.

Envy is based on constantly comparing yourself to others. This function is performed by the reptilian brain. This feeling is born in the anterior cingulate cortex (the same place where pain sensations are born).

Signs

Our desires, in principle, are formed on the basis of what we see how other people live, otherwise how would we know what exactly we want? But sometimes you have to delve into yourself to understand that corrosive hatred of another person is, in fact, nothing more than the desire to possess what he has. But sometimes it’s much easier to consider him somehow bad than to admit that he is better in some ways? Is not it?

Signs by which you can track this feeling in yourself or your interlocutor:

A tense, overly wide smile, like a mask, but the eyes do not sparkle or “burn.” We looked at signs of insincerity in this article.
A person grins, that is, only one half of his lips moves. If you notice that you have tension, then you should take a closer look at yourself.
When you share your joy, but your interlocutor is not able to support it and share it with you. And after communication, you either lose your mood, or you feel devastated and bewildered. But here you have to be careful, sometimes people don’t know how to be around a happy person, no matter how strange it sounds. It is much clearer how to be in trouble, then you can console and advise something.
Excessive criticism and devaluation can also be a sign that they are competing with you, and thus trying to “kill you” by pointing out your shortcomings each time.
And sometimes when they praise you, you don’t feel joy. It becomes unclear, they say something good, but you don’t believe in a sincere impulse, considering yourself ungrateful and suspicious.

Signs of envy

An envious person has the following characteristics:

pale skin;
he is not able to sincerely rejoice in the successes of other people;
lack of positive emotions from achieving significant goals;
low self-esteem;
instead of demonstrating sincere emotions, a person creates several masks for himself, which he changes depending on the situation;
stiffness of movements;
causeless change of mood;
deceit;
isolation;
touchiness;
gloat;
vindictiveness;
nervousness;
irritability, aggressiveness;
constant dissatisfaction with oneself;
when loved ones share their joy with him, he smiles tightly, but his eyes remain sad;
a wide smile without characteristic wrinkles in the corners of the eyes;
when a person smiles, his posture is closed (crossed arms and legs);
during communication, the one who envies does not have a sparkle in his eyes, indicating the person’s sincere interest in the interlocutor;
tendency to intrigue and gossip;
during communication, the envious person often tilts his head to the right or left;
habit of squinting;
the desire to enter the circle of trusted persons in order to know all the details of a person’s life;
The desire to communicate for someone who experiences black envy disappears as soon as the interlocutor begins to talk about his successes and achievements.

Successful people don't envy. A self-sufficient and purposeful person has no reason to be envious. Whatever he wants to get, he will get, because he knows how to set goals for himself and achieve them, overcoming obstacles.

How to protect yourself from envy

There is no magic advice that will tell you what to do so that people stop envying you. Some people try to pretend that everything in their life is much worse than it actually is. In their opinion, this way they will protect themselves from the evil eye. Others do not pay attention to ill-wishers, continuing to live their lives. There are many examples on YouTube videos of how to behave in such situations.

There is a list of rules by adhering to which you can avoid the effects of negative outbursts addressed to you and always be on a wave of positivity.

Don't show your superiority over others. An intelligent person knows about his intelligence without boasting, a rich person knows about his wealth, etc. By deliberately demonstrating your intellectual abilities or position in society, you can quickly attract envious glances. Remember the Buddhist wisdom: “Do not overestimate what you have received and do not envy others. He who envyes does not find peace.”
Maintain a sense of tact when communicating with people: the less negativity and witticism you make towards your interlocutor, the friendlier the relationship will be.
Never make excuses for what you have, because you lower yourself in the eyes of others. Envious people often tell non-existent stories in order to attract interest and see the reaction of the “victim”. Don't let them feel triumphant, just change the topic of conversation, cutting off the unpleasant conversation in the bud.
Be friendly, be considerate, and give compliments. This is not about flattery or overacting. Try to find positive traits in every person you know and focus on them.

Types of envy

Every person strives to live no worse than others. This means that every day every individual compares himself with others. In psychology, there are different approaches to the classification of envy. Researchers identify the following types of this personal trait:

Situational envy. It is called normal because every person has experienced such an emotion at least once. This is a short-term emotional state that does not involve harming another person. It is expressed as a desire to have the same benefits as another person.

Long-term envy. In this case we are talking about envy as a character trait. This is a pathological feeling that destroys a person.
Existential envy. It is addressed to strangers. It is based on the powerlessness of the envious person. The object of such envy is intangible things. As a result of existential envy, the envious person develops mental disorders, and the reputation of the object of envy suffers from gossip, intrigue and slander.
Public envy. This variety encourages public figures to make political decisions.
Private envy. This emotion is assessed by the person himself as negative, so he tries to hide it from others.

The psychology of envy is based on the features of these comparisons, allowing us to distinguish black and white envy.

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Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

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White envy

White envy does not contain malicious intent. Knowing that others are more successful, a person does not want them to lose their success, but wants to become just as successful.

When a person says: “I envy you with white envy,” he admits that he is offended by the fact that he himself did not reach such heights, did not receive such material benefits. But he is able to rejoice in the success of his comrade. Therefore, the definition of this type of envy does not have a negative connotation. White envy is the feeling of admiration that an individual experiences upon learning about the achievements of a loved one. He believes that the material benefits his friend received were deserved. Such envy has a motivating meaning for a person: he is ready to work hard on himself in order to also achieve success.

White envy often appears among creative people. Artists and poets can use it to express their admiration for the abilities and talents of their colleagues. Exclaiming: “This is brilliant! Why didn’t I create this masterpiece before you?”, a person does not stop communicating with a talented comrade, does not wish him harm, does not try to appropriate his works.

The concept of white envy was introduced by scientists in order to emphasize the fact that this personality trait has not only a destructive, but also a constructive side.

Black envy

This type of envy is based on a person’s strong belief that goods in this world are distributed unfairly. He believes that he deserves material values more than others. Therefore, when he learns about someone's success, he dreams of his failure. He is confident that success should pass from his opponent to him. The black envious person is not familiar with the feeling of admiration. All positive feelings (if the envious person had them) towards a friend who has achieved something in life are forever crossed out.

Black envy is destructive. It gives rise to negative feelings in a person towards those who have done nothing wrong to him. Examples of this include:

The girl is jealous that her friend got married. She has a desire to separate the newlyweds, because she herself has not yet met her prince.
A childless woman can envy a young mother with a child. To feel a woman's happiness, she may decide to commit a crime and steal a baby.
Men's envy often manifests itself at work. An envious person tries to “sit down” a colleague who occupies a higher position. Knowing that envy is bad, the young man covers up his true feelings with honesty and justice, reporting to his superiors about all the mistakes of his colleagues.
A person's envy can be influenced by other people's high income. Such envy manifests itself in thefts and murders.

A black envious person should remember that the anger and hatred that he feels towards successful people is destructive for himself. Wishing harm to his comrade, he drives himself into a depression. Envious motives in behavior quickly reveal themselves, which means that a person faces loneliness. Soon he will have no friends left.

What to do if you yourself feel jealous

The Germans are sure that an envious person always suffers and cannot be happy. How to deal with your own envy:

Accept the world as it is, and not look for justice and answers to questions.
Stop criticizing people, especially stop unconstructive criticism. Not all people act as we ourselves consider necessary, and they have the right to do so. If you need to criticize someone at work, then do it as tactfully as possible, always rely on your colleague’s successes and positive emotions.
Engage in self-improvement. New knowledge and positive emotions will leave no room for envy in your soul.
Learn to rejoice in the achievements of others, sincerely admire people who managed to achieve something. They did it, and you can too.
Stop comparing yourself to others. It is much more productive to compare yourself with your former self than to regularly recognize your inferiority compared to more successful people. Goal setting and self-analysis will help here.

Are all people envious?

The predisposition to envy is inherent in human nature. The degree of expression of envy varies. But at the same time, it cannot be said that there are individuals who do not at all have this feeling. If they say they don't envy someone, it may well be that deep down they have feelings of envy, but have learned to control it well.

During the period of preschool childhood, the child’s character is still being formed, so his envy can be short-lived. Provided proper upbringing and parents' reaction to momentary manifestations of envy, it will pass without a trace.

Younger schoolchildren know that envy is bad. This awareness forces them to hide their envy and control their own emotions. Through art therapy, role-playing games and educational conversations, you can teach your child not to envy.

Psychologists have found that envy is more common among boys and girls aged 15–20 years. This is due to puberty and the need of boys and girls to correspond to the reference group in terms of external attributes.

At the age of 21–30 years, envy concerns the professional and family spheres. If a woman is not married before the age of 30, she begins to doubt herself and envy her married friends. If a man cannot get a prestigious position, he is angry with himself and his unpresentable appearance, envying his prominent comrades.

After 30 years, the feeling of envy weakens, because at this age, as a rule, every person has certain achievements in life. If an individual fails to arrange his own life, envy turns into a mental disorder. Psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists deal with such cases. People who are over 40 years old adapt to life and learn to control their envy.

As a rule, after 60 years the ardor of the most ardent envious people fades away.

Not everyone is able to admit their own envy, because everyone understands that this is a negative feeling that can put a person in an unfavorable light. To admit your own envy means to admit your inadequacy.

How does it affect the person who is envied?

What actions does envy prompt?

One or more active envious people can seriously worsen the life of the person they envy.

Consequences of the activities of envious people:

a person who is envied may develop mental illnesses, especially depression, neurosis, anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder,
his self-esteem may deteriorate,
if depression, which has developed due to the actions of envious people, worsens too much, a person may commit suicide,
it will be more difficult for him to perform work duties, study,
his physical health may deteriorate if envious people decide to resort to physical or sexual violence,
he will feel helplessness, resentment, irritation and other emotions that will negatively affect his well-being and mood.

Reasons for envy

Envious people brought this unconstructive model of behavior into adulthood from childhood. The reasons for the formation of this character trait are:

a person’s difficult childhood (the family’s financial situation was low, so parents could not afford to buy their child fashionable things that his peers had);
pessimistic views of parents on life;
raising a child in an asocial family;
lack of attention, love and affection, emotional coldness of parents towards the child;
the high bar set by the parents for the child;
too many demands on the baby;
lack of unconditional acceptance of the child by parents;
physical or mental abuse experienced in childhood;
lack of praise for achievements that are significant to the child;
cruel punishments for the slightest mistakes;
parents forced the child to share his toys and sweets with others;
parents limit the personal freedom of a teenager, regularly reminding him that he has nothing of his own in the house, all material assets belong to his parents;
parents control how the teenager manages personal belongings and demand a report on the expenditure of pocket money;
parents consciously tried to form a negative attitude towards wealth in their child, explaining this by the fact that there are no honest rich people, their wealth was obtained by criminal means.

However, there are also cases when a negative character quality does not arise in childhood, but much later. Why do adults envy their friends and colleagues? In an adult, the appearance of envy is influenced by factors such as:

self-criticism;
impatience;
personal complexes regarding figure or appearance;
envy arises if a person is forced to be alone;
the individual’s indifferent attitude to the lives of relatives and friends;
a person is not satisfied with his own life or certain aspects of it;
negative personal attitudes regarding the world in general and the social environment in particular;
financial difficulties;
a person has a feeling that his rights and interests are infringed.

Question to the expert

How does envy affect health?

Envy is toxic, so it has a negative impact on human health and psychosomatics. If a person does not make an attempt to overcome his negative characteristic, he may become depressed.

Causes

As they say, all our problems come from childhood. And there is some truth in this, because it was the family system that influenced the formation of our character. The people who surrounded us while we were little contributed greatly to the way we responded to situations and formed relationships. Therefore, a person sometimes rushes too hard to compete and is constantly stressed when others have something better.

Example

As a child, there were inflated demands on him, there was only criticism, and there was always the feeling that he was born somehow differently, “undersized.” And no matter how hard I tried, getting recognition was unrealistic. Do you know those people who believe that it’s not worth talking about good things, and everyone understands that, but they need to point out mistakes all the time in order to increase motivation to improve? After this style of treating a child, simply the advice of a psychologist will not help; deep therapy will be needed here, because as he grows up, he will treat others the same way.
The love of loved ones had to be earned. That is, they paid attention to him when he received a good grade, cleaned the apartment, won first place in competitions, and so on. And then he realized that he was not accepted as he was, and he had to try to be cooler than everyone else.
The parents themselves failed to cope with raising several children, failing to distribute attention and care. Then the older child begins to fight for the attention of mom and dad, and sometimes such competition becomes a destructive way of life in the future.

And also envy, black, manifests itself with low self-esteem, a feeling of dissatisfaction and anger, that there should be justice in the world, but there is none, and in the absence of spiritual initiation, that is, when a girl realizes that she is already a woman, and a boy turns into a man . Sometimes even fifty-year-old men don’t know what it is and how to be a man, they don’t know how to rely on their resources and then they hate others who are successful and accomplished.

There are also reasons such as lack of internal freedom. When a person does not allow himself to do something, and then he envies those who do not limit themselves in this way, and has low self-esteem, getting used to sacrificing himself due to his unworthiness to desire something good.

Is envy good or bad?

In the course of research, psychologists have proven that there is a direct connection between envy and mental disorders such as:

hysteria;
neuropathy;
anancaste personality disorder;
infantilism;
neurosis;
obsessive-compulsive disorder;
affective disorders;
passive aggression;
emotional disorders.

Envy is not always viewed as a character pathology. This trait has both negative and positive consequences.

Advantages and disadvantages

this personality trait destroys friendships;

envious people are prone to nervous exhaustion;

they often develop hypertension and other pathologies of the cardiovascular system;

this personality trait reduces a person’s quality of life;

the envious person has disturbed sleep;

the envious person’s value system becomes distorted;

human envy is a common cause of criminal behavior;

this feeling prevents a person from focusing on his own priorities and goals;

envy increases the level of personal anxiety of an individual and reduces his self-esteem;

envy provokes the production of cortisol in the body (a hormone responsible for the occurrence of depressive states in an individual);

greed, dependence on material values;

cruelty;

envy leads to despair and feelings of guilt;

envious people experience their mistakes and failures for a long time and hard; they are unable to extract valuable experience from their mistakes;

envious people will face social maladjustment and loneliness;

such people are not respected;

envy gives rise to suicidal thoughts;

a person who experiences envy is never truly happy, no matter how successful he achieves.

envy awakens a competitive spirit in a person, a sense of healthy rivalry;

it determines competition in business;

envy stimulates a person to be active, helps to express oneself in one area or another;

this character trait helps a person survive in difficult conditions;

Thanks to envy, athletes set world records.

It cannot be said that envy is a uniquely negative feeling. There is also good in it. Those who are mentally weak should beware of this feeling.

Do you think envy can be useful?

Yes. For example, she can help you understand your desires.

100%

I find it difficult to answer

Voted: 3

Envious people understand that their personality traits are preventing them from living. D. Carnegie in his books offers many exercises for envious people that will help them change their attitude towards themselves and others.

Why is it dangerous and does it affect health?

From the point of view of etiquette, envy is condemned; even if it arises, it is customary to hide it. A person begins to become more emotionally invested in someone else’s life, while forgetting about his own. His affairs, plans and hobbies gradually collapse, and when a person comes to his senses, it is often too late.

Envy also negatively affects a person’s health and well-being:

Envy breeds passive aggression and develops depression.
Depressive conditions can cause breathing and bowel problems.
When a person is irritated or stressed, his skin produces more oil. The result of this is an increase in rashes: acne, various forms of rash, hives. If a person is prone to eczema or psoriasis, then the diseases worsen.
Envy develops tachycardia, provokes chest pain and heart failure.
Anger has a negative effect on the eyes.
Envy provokes congestion in the liver and gall bladder.
When a person is constantly in a bad mood, his immune system suffers and the likelihood of getting sick increases.
Constant melancholy can provoke insomnia and excessive fatigue.
The sexual sphere of a person’s life suffers due to stress.
Negative emotions lead to weight fluctuations and pinched nerves.

How to overcome your own envy

To cope with your own envy, you need to:

Understand its root causes and try to minimize their effect. Knowing what causes envy, a person can become especially attentive to his own emotions in such situations.
On a piece of paper you need to write down all the possible negative consequences of envy. This simple action will help a person overcome the destructive feeling within himself.
As soon as a person feels that envy is beginning to overcome him, he needs to direct this destructive emotion into a constructive direction. Instead of getting angry, you should ask yourself the question: “What can I personally do to achieve such heights?” You can also ask a successful person about how he managed to achieve a high position, this can open a proven path to the desired horizons.
Plain water will help you cope with the onslaught of envy. When a person experiences negative emotions towards his friend, he needs to drink a glass of water in small sips.
When you want to say something unpleasant or offensive to a person, you need to go out into the fresh air for a few minutes. This will keep a person from rash actions and will help maintain interpersonal relationships.
If a person catches himself wanting a friend to lose some goods or skills, he needs to ask himself the question: “If he loses this, what will I get?” As soon as you shift the focus from another person to yourself, envy immediately recedes.
You need to learn to love and praise yourself. Positive thoughts about yourself neutralize envy. It is important to learn to be proud of yourself and your achievements.
When comparing yourself with others, you need to learn to draw constructive conclusions from this comparison, and not get angry.

Psychologists advise giving up the habit of comparing yourself with others. Each person has his own path, so it is advisable to compare only yourself yesterday with yourself today.

If self-help methods are ineffective, a person who decides to get rid of envy needs to look for a qualified psychologist-hypnologist.

Useful materials for those who want to get rid of envy forever

Here comes the turn of several courses from Wikium on personal self-development. Several of my readers have already completed training in each of the programs described below. I didn’t receive any negative feedback; everyone was happy.

Brain fitness

Description. In this course you will develop in two directions. First, clear your mind of all kinds of negativity, namely: thoughts about the past, envy, fear, irritability, melancholy. Everything that makes you a pessimistic person.

Self-development will come next. You will learn how to develop thinking abilities, learn how to communicate correctly with people, control your feelings and emotions, and so on.

The course is very expensive (this is the only such program on Wikium, the rest are all cheap), because you pay for a special device - a neural interface. This is a serious development, unique in nature, which is why it is so expensive.

The neural interface analyzes the functioning of the human brain, reading the waves that emanate from it. The recorded information is then uploaded to the Wikium website in your personal account, analyzed there, and the site generates recommendations for you for each specific case. If you can't calm down because of fear - the recommendations will be the same if you envy your friends to such an extent that you can't sleep, thinking about their success and considering yourself a failure? – the advice will be different.

The neurointerface will help you understand yourself and remove from your head absolutely everything that interferes with your life and makes you unhappy. If you want, you can purchase it separately, without Brain Fitness, the price will be 1,000 rubles lower.

Authors: developers of the Vikium project.

Cost: 12,990 rub.

Find out more and sign up for training

Brain Detoxification

Description. The “Brain Detoxification” course is aimed, of course, not only at getting rid of envy, but this feeling is given a lot of attention here. Training in this program will help you get rid of a variety of types of negativity that interfere with your life.

Regardless of what negative emotion you experience, the state of your brain is always approximately the same - a “dialogue” starts, which still cannot be stopped. You chew the “mental cud” and cannot “spit it out.”

The techniques that are described in the ten lessons of this program will help you stop poisoning your own life. There is nothing complicated - you will get acquainted with the theoretical material, and then move on to practice - work out on several unique simulators, do the exercises. If you have any questions, ask them to the teacher.

Authors: developers of the Vikium project.

Cost: 1,490 rub.

Find out more and sign up for training

For now, these are all the courses I can recommend to you. If I find something aimed only at envy, I will add to the material.

If you know of good training courses on getting rid of envy or maybe you have read good books on this topic, please recommend them in the comments.

How to deal with envy in a child

To eradicate a negative character trait in a child, parents need to know where envy comes from. Parents should:

Be attentive to the baby’s requests and needs, and satisfy them whenever possible. However, it is not worth satisfying all the whims and slightest whims, since envy often manifests itself as manipulation.
Try not to discuss the unfair attitude of your superiors or the undeserved promotion of a colleague up the career ladder in front of your child.
When wanting to awaken a child’s motivation to do something, parents should not give him examples of successful peers.
If a schoolchild, coming home, tells his parents that a classmate has the latest iPhone model, adults should take this information calmly and explain to the child that the main function of a mobile device is making calls. The remaining options are a nice addition. It is also important to emphasize that the child himself also has a very good phone, the functionality of which fully meets the needs of the student.

Every person needs to learn to appreciate what he has.

How to understand that others are jealous

The main signs of envy:

There is a sense of insincerity in a person’s tone, even if he congratulates or compliments another.
Efforts are worthless. An envious person attributes success to favorable circumstances or luck.
An envious person constantly brags about his successes and deliberately exaggerates them.
The person notices that the envious person has begun to imitate him (clothes, manner of speech, hobbies).
Jealous people love to compete with others.
If a person fails or makes even the slightest mistake, the envious person will not miss the opportunity to demonstrate his joy.
They are always looking for a reason to gossip behind their envy's back.
Shows a clearly negative attitude.

How do you recognize the envy of others? Share your secrets in the comments.

Typology of envy

Quality is divided into two types depending on the degree of aggressiveness and destructive influence on life and psyche:

White. Psychologists consider it not only safe, but even useful. This type serves as a kind of motivator and promotes success. For example, a neighbor bought a new car, and you have long wanted to exchange your car for this model. Great, this fact motivates you, and you are already developing a plan for further action in your head on how to earn more. You are willing to work overtime for a good bonus. As you can see, you were happy about your neighbor’s new look and, deep down, you were even grateful that such motivation appeared.
Black. You need to get rid of this feeling as soon as possible. It destroys from within. Typically, this type of envy is characteristic of people who are unsure of themselves and their own abilities, unambitious, and with endless complaints about life. The success of other people does not allow them to exist in peace. A terrible anger overcomes them every day. They do not strive for anything, they seem to be content with what they have, but at the same time they are convinced that all people should live like this. No one should have more or better - this is the main principle.

Types of envy:

Not malicious. There is no aggression, it is comfortable to exist in society.
Vicious. A wild desire to destroy the life of a stranger, depriving him of certain benefits.
Depressed. A person feels his own worthlessness, insolvency and total injustice towards him in everything.

You need to stop being jealous anyway.