Let's look at this issue, find out what it means if a guy is jealous, how to deal with it, and other nuances.
Reasons for jealousy
Before starting to work with this problem, a man must find out “where his legs grow from.” Jealousy can manifest itself due to a whole range of factors, and the wife may have nothing to do with it. Psychologists believe that it all could have started with self-doubt from an early age. Often parents and relationships with them in childhood establish a model of behavior in their family.
A boy who grew up with a mom and dad who surrounded him with care, affection and understanding will become an excellent person in the future; he is unlikely to exhibit jealous behavior. A family without a father or with tense relationships within it leads to further problems with the opposite sex.
Childhood is not the only reason for jealousy of the object of adoration. A man could be faced with a relationship that ended unsuccessfully for him, where the girl was “caught by the hand.” The young man was able to find his love, married her, but now reacts to her every action very sharply, even to standard correspondence about work matters.
Jealousy of one's wife is also due to the fear of loneliness. This problem characterizes a person with a lot of complexes, who believes that he can easily find a replacement. The man will control his beloved in every possible way, gradually destroying the marriage union.
Besides, you can be jealous without loving your wife! Often girls justify this behavior this way. However, the more a jealous man is in love with his lady, the more he worries and tries to protect his beloved from the outside world.
There are also a number of factors due to which a man may become jealous of his wife:
- Late home after work;
- Answering phone calls every once in a while;
- Working in a team of men;
- Communication with unmarried girls;
- Flirting with other guys;
- Bright makeup and clothes.
These reasons are often not supported by anything, and therefore do not have a compelling reason. All this makes life difficult for both the wife and the husband. A man will control his lady literally at every step, and will often “interrogate” her about how her day went.
What is jealousy and why does jealousy occur?
Jealousy is a feeling with a negative connotation that arises in the interpersonal relationships of a couple. Most often, it is accompanied by mistrust regarding the honesty and devotion of the other half. This can be either a justified or a completely far-fetched opinion, provoked by various reasons.
There can be several reasons for jealousy:
- Fear – against the backdrop of strong feelings, emotional attachment to your soulmate, the fear of losing her may periodically arise.
- Complexes are the most common causes of jealousy, which are more common in women. If a man has complexes about his appearance, self-sufficiency, or success, he may be afraid that his wife will leave him because of the best nominee for her heart.
- Self-doubt - if a man doubts how strong the feelings of his beloved are, whether the affection between them is strong, this can cause attacks of such an unpleasant feeling.
- Dependence on it - strong attachment can provoke obsessions and fears of abandonment.
- Mistrust - most often, suspicions of infidelity are caused by a negative example from a past relationship.
- Projecting their repressed desires onto a partner - often men carefully hide their sexual fantasies and desires. Without admitting it to themselves, they attribute it to their significant other.
- The desire to control everything - worried about his place in the life of the woman he loves, the guy controls her every step.
- Obsessive thinking is obsessive thoughts associated with a compulsive disorder. Without knowing the truth, a person begins to invent reality, create facts in his head. This is due to the banal fear of the unknown.
- There were real reasons - perhaps correspondence on the side, flirting, ambiguous acquaintances or friends surfaced in the relationship.
- The imposition of such thoughts by other people - some men are influenced by family and friends. And if loved ones repeatedly suspect a woman of cheating, sooner or later this thought will stick in his head.
Do you scream at your wife when you have attacks of jealousy?
Not really
What about you?
Here you need to be honest with yourself and understand a small detail. Often men who cheat on their chosen ones transfer their own sins onto their wife, thereby suspecting her of cheating too. Now the man got his second wind, he was able to find a mistress, and at the same time, his wife began to stay late at work and rarely pick up the phone. After such cases, a man begins to think about only one thing, assuring himself that his wife is exactly the same wife as himself!
Research says that men tend to project onto their chosen one both serious relationships on the side, as well as flirting and even secret desires of a sexual nature. In this situation, you should understand yourself, “kill your own cockroaches,” and not look for your wife’s lover and suspect her of cheating.
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Analyzing the situation
How to stop a lover being jealous of his wife? We need to change our attitude towards the situation. Look from a new angle. Perhaps your legal spouse is not your rival. She is not a predator who has captured your loved one, but also a victim of a love triangle. She also suffers from male polygamy and dreams of being the only one. After all, it is impossible to check whether she is as bad, callous and cold as your partner says. Men love to exaggerate, to decorate their own life stories with unprecedented bright details that are far from reality.
If your loved one feels so bad with the rightful owner of the stamp in his passport, why doesn’t he leave the family? Is it only because of children and common property? He's happy with the situation. And you?
History has it that over 80% of cultural communities accepted polygamy as the norm. Some countries encouraged men to have multiple partners in case of infertility or to make up for the loss of life in endless wars. The experience of modern married couples shows that men rarely decide to break the marriage bond. A more likely situation is living in two families.
Your wife's past and what it means
Some men may even be jealous of what happened “under the King Pea.” This is especially common in young people with possessiveness. Often thoughts about his ex-wife make the husband angry and furious.
In this situation, you need to understand the reason for the indignation. Maybe you think that your object of adoration was happier before you? Or is her ex more attractive and better looking than you? Perhaps you are not able to come to terms with the fact that your wife had someone before you? Let's figure it out:
- The solution to the first reason is quite simple - you should devote more time to your spouse. Take her to restaurants, travel with her to other cities and countries, thereby getting good words of affection from her.
- If you compare your appearance with the external data of your ex-wife, while elevating the other, then most likely you suffer from an inferiority complex. You should do a tremendous amount of work on yourself, preferably with a psychologist. In his office you will understand why your beloved chose you, and at the same time you will begin to value yourself as a person! You will stop being jealous of your spouse for no apparent reason.
- Understand that you are not the only person on planet Earth, and it is normal that your lover used to have someone. Then she didn’t even know about your existence and thought that that person was a great option! When she met you, her opinion changed dramatically, and now she is really happy with you!
How not to be jealous of your wife: advice from a psychologist
Confident men are less susceptible than others to the destructive feeling of jealousy. Those whom it “overwhelms” experience an “explosive” mixture of love, the desire to completely possess the object of desire and the fear of losing it. Not only the jealous person lives in “tension,” which often pushes him to rash actions, but also his loved one. How to stop being jealous of your wife, what prevents a man from getting rid of it?
Content
1. Why is it dangerous? 2. Root of evil or pattern? 3. Is it easy to break yourself? 4. There is always a way out!
Why is it dangerous?
Jealousy only causes “tenderness” at first. It is often put on a pedestal, explained by the noble impulses of the soul. Women who know (not theoretically) what “true” jealous people are like remember the time spent with them as daily tests of strength. And where the next “attack” will lead is sometimes unknown to the man himself. Emotional experiences make him doubt everything, suffer and offend his beloved. In a state of passion, “armed” with resentment and anger, a person is capable of anything. No amount of arguments will help a man understand how not to be jealous of his wife until he himself understands: the situation is a dead end, and he cannot do without outside help. Medicine and life have long proven that such experiences never go away on their own, they constantly intensify and grow stronger, each time pushing you to do more and more unpleasant things. Jealousy can also cause psychosomatic diseases: gastritis, migraines, and nervous system disorders. Only a few out of thousands manage to get rid of the pathological condition on their own. Work on yourself must be carried out under the supervision of a competent psychologist. It is worth noting that jealousy in small quantities is even beneficial. It will serve as a kind of “pill” to revive relationships, force partners to keep themselves “on their toes”, and pay more attention to their chosen one.
Root of evil or pattern?
Sigmund Freud also proved that childhood is “to blame” for many life problems: unhealthy jealousy originates at a person’s early age. Many can be influenced by their social circle, society and the family in which the child grows up. Sometimes pathological jealousy has several “roots”, and a person can only get rid of this feeling after a long course of psychological therapy. Psychologists identify many reasons that turn an adequate loving man into a pathological jealous person. There are two (or more) children in the family. On this basis, children begin to share their parents' attention and love. Over time, children outgrow this feeling, but it can remind itself again in the future, when a person takes a step into adulthood and decides to build a relationship. Lack of attention. When parents do not give proper care to a child, he closes himself off for a long time. As an adult, there may be an overwhelming fear of losing a loved one. By the way, on this basis, men are often jealous of their wife even for their child. This is how internal discomfort and suspicion arise, ready to cross all boundaries. Parental overprotection. When a child receives the very best from childhood, when all the attention of his parents is focused only on him, then someday he may have a desire to subjugate the feelings of a woman. Any gesture by the other half can serve as a reason for jealousy and a future scandal. “Layout” of a family in which a child is growing up. He, like a sponge, will absorb the rules, considering them to have no alternative. Naturally, in the future, the laws of house building will be designed in one way or another for a new family. Comparisons with someone also have a serious impact on the personality, causing low self-esteem and cultivating the germination of harmful feelings.
Is it easy to break yourself?
It sounds scary, but this is exactly what you need to do in order to save yourself and your loved ones from constant suspicions and groundless scandals. The work on yourself will be difficult and lengthy: you will have to disassemble your Personality “brick by brick.” The ability to control yourself, your actions, words and the very perception of emerging situations is not developed immediately, but the result is worth it. Over time, peace will be found, and life will be filled with harmony and happiness.
There is always a way out!
If you have discovered signs of pathological jealousy and are ready to get rid of this burden, start taking action. The advice of a psychologist will help with this. The first thing to do is to try to control yourself, your emotions, thoughts and actions. It is important to turn on the “stop tap” in time, without giving your imagination the opportunity to lead into the terrible jungle of suspicion. Try to explain every reason for jealousy - without any underlying reason for betrayal. Realize that your wife needs to have her own space. She has the right to communicate with friends, her child, hobbies, and work. You should be united by feelings and joint leisure. Don't try to make a person your property. Otherwise, mutually trusting relationships cannot be built. Do some self-reflection. Perhaps jealousy comes from childhood? Or did it arise against the background of the wife’s greater success at work? Perhaps you “like” the feeling itself? It is worth rethinking your attitude not only to the activities of your beloved woman, but to her herself. A common cause of unexplained jealousy is “shadows of the past.” If your other half has long “stepped over” past relationships, if she doesn’t remember them, then you don’t need to constantly remind her about them. Instill in yourself the idea that your beloved has not returned even mentally to her past for a long time - she loves only you. Remember: periodic reminders of your ex can easily rekindle a long-extinguished fire. The main thing in a relationship is to develop trust in each other. Do not doubt your woman, and she will answer you the same. Love is omnipotent, but this force should under no circumstances become destructive. Do not invent reasons for jealousy, do not torment your loved one with them. Well, if the “bell” is confirmed, remember the proverb: “If you want to hold on, let go!” It is difficult to be wise, but it is better to live in trust and mutual understanding than under the oppression of feelings.
How to deal with jealousy
Attacks of jealousy are often caused by spying on your significant other in every possible way. Currently, this can be done by checking her phone, asking about her day. At the same time, she must report to her husband about her movements, who she saw and when. A jealous person believes that he is doing everything right; it is difficult for him to understand that healthy relationships should be built on trust, mutual understanding and love! A husband who is jealous of his wife must finally understand that his actions are poisoning family well-being, even though he doesn’t really want it.
We offer you a selection of tips on how to get rid of jealousy towards your wife. This list was compiled by experienced psychologists who repeatedly tested it on many couples. If you do everything right. you can start living a normal life, without attacks of jealousy:
- Analyze the situation. Here the young man should think carefully about his behavior with his wife. Here you need to have empathy, put yourself in your spouse’s place and realize whether you would be pleased if they treated you the same way? What happens if your wife gets tired of this control and leaves you? How will you react to this, will you bear her leaving? Will you be able to create a new family from scratch? After answering these questions, everything should finally clear up in a man’s head; he will conclude that jealousy is a real evil that interferes with a normal life.
- Learn to value yourself. It's important to stop comparing yourself to other men and accept yourself for who you really are. Every person is beautiful in their own way, and you are no exception.
- Plan time together . Due to the fact that the husband and wife spend little time with each other, the husband may not know for sure what his beloved is doing. It's time to have a romantic dinner, walks and trips together. A man will be able to understand his importance, and the marriage will thus become much stronger.
- Control yourself. Before you say anything, think carefully. Stop fantasizing and inventing something that didn’t happen, and assess the situation sensibly. Unnecessary guesses only poison your relationships and love.
- Start doing something in your free time. Men begin to control their spouse in all respects out of nothing to do. It's time to find a hobby you love! This can be either sports or watching TV series, movies and reading books!
Where does this feeling come from?
Many people experience jealousy, but few people try to understand where it comes from.
Modern experts in the field of psychology point to the emergence of toxic feelings in childhood. Such people had to share certain things with others and loved ones, for example, gifts, toys, or the attention of their parents. As a result, an unconscious need appears to carefully protect everything that belongs to them personally. Of course, this list includes a girlfriend or wife. In such situations, feelings of jealousy can be interpreted as an instinct to protect property.
Breaking such habits is quite difficult, but it is still possible. It is very important to accurately determine the cause of the experience and realize it. You need to calmly tell your girlfriend or wife about your feelings, explain how certain situations and actions can hurt you. You should not be afraid of such conversations, especially since any woman who sincerely loves you will try to avoid conflict situations and not create unnecessary reasons for jealousy for you.
It's hard to say whether jealousy is good or bad. In some cases, it can occur in the presence of certain complexes. Quite often, such sensations manifest themselves due to the presence of certain fears, for example, loneliness. Many men tend to underestimate themselves and think that they will not be able to find other partners.
Such fears are usually caused by self-doubt and extremely low self-esteem. They provoke negative experiences, fuel them, and significantly spoil relationships.
In this case, it is possible to get rid of destructive feelings by changing your perception of yourself and your attitude towards your own personality. You need to believe in your own worth, that you are worthy of love and respect. By increasing your self-esteem, you will become more attractive in the eyes of the women around you.
Such changes will help you get rid of feelings of jealousy, stop holding on to a girl as a last chance, and stop suspecting her of everything.
The Real Reasons for Being a Double Agent
Why doesn't he leave the family? The most common reason is a convenient relationship. Some bigamists admit that living in two families has its advantages, it can be described as an attempt to create an “ideal family” in a mosaic way. A mistress is a unique way to get what is missing in a legal union. The reason may also be the search for an “outlet”, a pleasant interlocutor, a close friend, an adviser in the person of a mistress.
The second option is the search for new bright emotions, thrills, novelty, and variety. Perhaps the man lacks romance or, conversely, extreme sports. The threat of being exposed, the awareness of walking on a “thin blade” makes life more interesting, turns gray everyday life into an extraordinary adventure. Some representatives of the stronger sex have chosen such relationships as a way to combat their own complexes and increase self-esteem.
