How to become kinder to people and yourself: effective tips

Make kindness a habit

Popular blogger Leo Babauta claims that kindness, like any other habit, can be developed by every person. To do this, you need to focus on it every day for a month.

Directed concentration can change your life for the better. This will help you become kinder not only to others, but also to yourself:

• Every morning, think of a good deed and carry it out throughout the day.
• When communicating, be friendly and compassionate, even if the other person is angry, nervous, or irritating.
• Try meditation, use loving-kindness meditation (metta).

In the evening, analyze the past day, celebrate your successes and think about how else you can let goodness into life.

A few words about revenge

Throughout your life you have to deal with negativity from society:

• the boss swears for no reason, taking out aggression on his subordinates;
• the colleague made another caustic remark, realizing that it could hurt.

There is a desire to answer rudely, to repay in the same coin. How to act correctly in this situation? First of all, you should never respond to rudeness with rudeness. This approach only gives rise to new aggression.

As a rule, only unhappy people are constantly rude and take it out on others. You should take a deep breath, calm down, and answer the complaint directly and clearly, without aggression. This way, while maintaining dignity, you can put a person in his place.

Say no to judgment

Truly kind people are open to different opinions and accept others with their weaknesses and shortcomings. Constant criticism of others only embitters and deprives you of strength.

If you are used to thinking badly about others, you think that there are no worthy people around and everyone is somehow different, try to find the reason in yourself. Remember that:

• Those who criticize and gossip will not be able to move beyond their intentions to become kinder.
• Being kind means thinking well of others.

It is always easier to judge another than to understand. Focus on wanting to help rather than judging anyone, including yourself. Psychologist Natalia Kholodenko reminds us of this.

Don't conflict

This does not mean that you must always give in in everything. No, we are against compromise. There are situations in which it is important to be able to defend your position. But most conflicts arise practically out of nowhere. Don't waste your precious time and energy on unnecessary bickering. Remember that some people may deliberately provoke you into conflict in order to feed on your spiritual energy in the heat of confrontation. If you see that the reason for the discord is insignificant, you should not persist - give in to the other side, and thereby you will maintain peace of mind, which you will need for more important matters.

Show caring and compassion

Let judgment be replaced by care and compassion. Kindness is demonstrated by genuinely caring about others and understanding their needs, desires, hopes and fears. To develop a kind attitude towards others:

• Practice generosity, learn to share without regret.
• Don't ask for anything in return. Good deeds do not imply promises or conditions for the person to whom they are addressed.
• Be compassionate towards others. Remember that other people are experiencing uncertainty, pain, difficulty, sadness, disappointment and loss.
• When performing any action towards another, ask yourself the question “Am I doing a good deed?” If the answer is no, reconsider your intention.

Kindness helps you cope with the negative emotions of others and maintain warm relationships. Care, according to philosopher Anna Kiryanova, prolongs life.

Changing the environment

An angry, negative environment does not promote a positive mood; it is difficult to live in such conditions. People almost always choose their own environment.

Bad job? You should find a new one. Have once close friends chosen a path that leads to the bottom? You should stop communicating with them. Is your partner constantly trying to manipulate and show disrespect? There is only one solution - separation.

A change in environment is often accompanied by pain, but you have to go through it. Otherwise, you cannot achieve a peaceful life.

Be lenient

Psychotherapist Andrei Kurpatov reminds us that showing kindness, especially to ourselves, is often hampered by perfectionism, competition, eternal haste and a fast pace of life. If you are afraid of appearing lazy and selfish, you can easily become rigid and forget the importance of kindness. For this reason, it is important to forgive yourself and others.

If you have made a mistake, do not worry and compare yourself with others. Show compassion for yourself and do the same for others. People do most of the things we are unhappy with unintentionally and will act differently if asked to do so.

Developing Empathy

True compassion is a thing only available to a kind person. If someone really needs help, then if possible, they should be given it.

Situations often occur when some people rush to help others to the detriment of themselves, forgetting to think about health and well-being. You shouldn’t do this; you need to maintain a balance between caring for yourself and others.

A good example is the instructions on an airplane that describe how to put on oxygen masks in emergency situations. First, the parent must put the mask on himself, and only then on the child.

Help yourself first and only then others.

Learn to listen

Listening is a very valuable skill. During any conversation, try to immerse yourself in it, listen to the person with all your heart, do not interrupt or rush. Self-help author Brian Tracy says this will help you become a good communicator.

The most important act of kindness is listening to others. Empathize with people, even if you can't help them. Often a person needs to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.

Stop making being right a priority.

While it's certainly nice to feel like you're always right, there's a good chance you're not. If you want to be a kinder person, try to prioritize being kind rather than being right. This can be difficult, but you will quickly learn that not every conversation requires you to be the leader. This will help you behave completely differently in the future.

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Be optimistic

Kindness consists of happiness, joy and gratitude. Blogger Anastacia Kay reminds us how important it is to learn to see the good in people, to believe in humanity and that any difficulties, despair and cruelty can be overcome. In addition, a positive attitude and sense of humor help to calmly accept life's contradictions and difficult moments.

Maintaining optimism can be difficult; looking for the good around you will help:

• Pay attention to positive news and limit your consumption of negative content.
• Learn to enjoy the successes of others.
• Read inspiring books and watch movies about happy people.

Be friendly

Candidate of Psychological Sciences I. G. Doroshina writes that kind people are friendly. They sincerely expect good things from others and know how to win people over. For this it is important:

• To be polite. Politeness is not a sign of kindness, but sincerely expressing this character trait demonstrates respect for the person you are communicating with. This is a great way to grab a person's attention and be heard.
• Monitor your style and manner of communication. Analyze how you behave in certain situations, remember those people with whom you enjoy communicating. Try to become the same easy and pleasant person to communicate with.
• Behave with dignity. Do not be familiar with new acquaintances, but do not ingratiate yourself either.
• Give sincere compliments.
• Smile more and don’t be shy to share positive emotions with the world.

A shy person will have to completely change and become an extrovert, but such simple rules will significantly improve the quality of communication and help you become not only kinder, but also more confident.

Useful practical materials for those who want to become kinder

So, let's move on to a selection of useful materials. I want to start with one rather expensive thing. Two days ago my ninth reader purchased it. I did not receive a single negative review about this device, there was not a person for whom it would not suit.

The name of the device is neural interface. It is needed to analyze the electromagnetic oscillations of your brain. Scientists have long established that electromagnetic oscillations will differ in different emotional states. One type of hesitation is when you are relaxed and calm, another is when you are angry, angry at someone, the third is when you are scared.

The neural interface is expensive – 11,990 rubles. But in my opinion, this thing is better than most courses or books that you will purchase in search of answers to your questions. The device will help you look inside yourself, and the Vikium platform, after analyzing the work of your head, will select personalized recommendations for you.

You can purchase the device separately, or you can purchase it together with a personal development course. I'll recommend a few of the best below.

Brain fitness

Description. This program is sold only complete with a neural interface; there is no point in mastering it separately. It does not focus solely on kindness, but develops qualities that collectively help a person become more kind.

When you complete the training, you will learn to easily control your emotions, not to get irritated, and not to let anger take over you. In addition, you will improve your thinking abilities, learn to easily concentrate on the tasks at hand, develop your imagination, etc.

You will constantly use the neural interface during the learning process. Moreover, I recommend doing this when you are in different emotional states. Turn on the device when you return home from work, then in the morning, on a day off, and so on. Watch yourself.

Authors: developers of the Vikium project.

Cost: 12,990 rub.

Find out more and start learning

Brain Detoxification

Description. Brain detoxification will help you figure out what exactly makes you an evil person and prevents you from becoming a good person. You will understand why you always “shrink”, cannot relax with the people around you, or take a step towards them.

The teacher will tell you how to remove all negativity from your head. If now you think that the world is cruel, dangerous, that others cannot treat you with kindness and therefore you respond to them in kind, after “detoxification” the situation will change dramatically.

A neural interface is not required for this training program. You will find here a huge number of practical exercises, simulators, techniques and various other useful things that you can use in a variety of life circumstances.

Authors: developers of the Vikium project.

Cost: 990 rub.

Find out more and start learning

Emotional intellect

Description. This course will teach you to understand emotions much better and not give in to them if you don't want to. You will learn why some people always seem kind to us, while others seem evil and rude, and you will see the subconscious reasons for your reaction to the actions of others.

The training program will not only teach you not to be irritated, but will also help you develop many other valuable qualities. In particular, you will learn how to conduct a dialogue correctly and understand the microexpressions of the faces of others, how to recognize deception and lies when communicating with a person of any age, how to interact with people of different psychotypes.

Author: Oleg Kalinichev

Cost: 990 rub.

Find out more and start learning

For now, these are all the courses I can recommend to you. If you know other high-quality programs, write about them in the comments, I will supplement the article.

Be interested in people

How to become kinder: Freepick
Truly kind people are friendly and open to others not because they need something from them. This is really interesting to them, they want everyone to live happily and harmoniously.

To be kinder, develop an interest in others, pay attention to them:

• Ask people about their business not out of necessity, but sincerely.
• Show interest in hobbies, interests, family.
• Ask about important events in life.
• Don't forget to say good luck before a difficult exam or interview.
• In conversations, focus on the other person, not on yourself.
• Don't use gadgets during a conversation.
• Call your friends just like that.

Andrey Kurpatov reminds you that you shouldn’t try to change those around you. Accept them for who they are, find positive moments in communicating with people.

Sports activities

Sports activities have a beneficial effect on physical health and emotional well-being. A physically active person is calm, willing to communicate, he is in good shape - always ready to act, to achieve what he wants.

On the contrary, physically weak and inactive people are much less likely to be in a good mood; they are constantly worried about pressing problems and illnesses caused by a sedentary lifestyle.

A complete absence of sports in life promises:

• the appearance of excess fat deposits:
• back and neck pain caused by a sedentary lifestyle;
• vein problems;
• and many other problems.

It is not at all necessary to visit the gym every day, spending hours on weight machines and on the treadmill. It is enough to do twenty minutes of exercise every morning, which can give you a boost of energy for the whole day.

PS. Although the hall is of course better, so if you have time, go ahead!)

Be grateful

A kind person easily expresses gratitude and always does so. He takes nothing for granted and is grateful for any help. It is important to say thank you from the bottom of your heart, write thank you cards, and not feel embarrassed about the help you receive.

Cultivate gratitude. You can, for example, keep a gratitude diary or every evening remember three things for which you are ready to say thank you on this day to people and life in general.

Attention to acts of kindness addressed to oneself stimulates readiness to reciprocate acts of kindness. Knowing and understanding how a kind attitude feels, you will want to give this feeling to others.

You need to give compliments more often

Learning to say nice things to people is an important step towards developing a kinder personality. There is no need to look for a reason for a compliment.

Let's say a consultant in a hardware store spoke in detail about a product of interest. You can simply say “thank you,” or you can note his competence. The person will be pleased to hear this.

Note: a compliment must certainly indicate real merit; flattery does not make people look good, so you should avoid it.

Do charity work

One way to show kindness is to donate unwanted personal items to a charity or help those in financial need. Clothes, books, household items - someone will definitely need something that someone else has long ceased to need. Feel free to give things to those who need them more.

Every person wants to live in a good world, surrounded by good people. To achieve this, it is enough to start with yourself and try to give the world and others more positive emotions, care, compassion, acceptance and gratitude. The world will certainly respond in kind.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1586792-kak-stat-dobree-spokoynee/

Laws of kindness

How to become softer? How to learn goodness?

First of all, you need to become grateful. This applies to everything, not just mutual assistance or support from a loved one or a stranger. It is very important to start the morning with gratitude for the opportunity to live in a new day, breathe, see light, inhale aromas, work, walk. If it is extremely difficult to set yourself up for such a positive attitude, which may seem abnormal to many people around you, then it is recommended to at least celebrate all the good deeds and pleasant words from colleagues, relatives, and friends.

Many people think that the support and help of loved ones is the norm. Over time, such an attitude devalues ​​gratitude and reduces it to zero. The person becomes angry and callous. To become kinder, sometimes you just need to start being grateful.

Gratitude is an amazing “tool”. He is able to melt the heart of both the one who utters kind words and the one who hears them. Having expressed gratitude, a smile lights up your face, and a great mood is guaranteed.