Self-control: theory, effective techniques and practices

Our attitude towards our own desires, surrounding things, emotions, as well as behavior can affect life and professional success. If you want to better achieve your goals and feel in control of your actions and reactions, it makes sense to think about developing self-control - one of the key skills of the new reality. We tell you what to do to control yourself, and how this can positively affect your career.

Self-control is the ability to control oneself in terms of mastery over one's own desires and appetites. It helps you make the right decisions, reduces the number of impulsive actions and allows you to effectively cope with disappointment, worry, anxiety and any other strong emotions. Those with self-control can restrain their desires to ensure they are not excessive. In other words, such a person is more likely to make the right things and choices to remain successful, healthy and happy.

Self-control is about using your mind to control your instincts.

The skill of self-control is complex, that is, it consists of a number of skills that ultimately help you to be at the helm in any situation and in your own life. All of these skills are elements of emotional intelligence, which relate to how well you manage your thoughts and actions. There are two types of self-control:

Behavioral self-control involves acting in accordance with your long-term goals and deepest values. For example, you may find it difficult to get up early in the morning to go to the gym, but you do it because you want to improve your health.
Emotional self-control refers to consciously working to maintain a positive outlook while coping with difficulties. Can have a positive impact on interpersonal relationships as you become more trustworthy, empathetic and considerate towards others.

What affects the ability of self-control: 4 main factors

1. Daily routine

First of all, it means getting enough hours of sleep. There can be no talk of any self-control if you sleep less than 7 hours. Concentration suffers, without which control is impossible. In addition, it is unacceptable to fall asleep late at night, especially in the morning. The nervous system - the mother of willpower - cannot withstand such a regime, and accordingly it will not be able to provide the resource. Sleep is not rest, but restoration of the body for a productive day.

Here and now

The harmful habit of postponing everything for later is firmly ingrained in a person’s consciousness, creating the illusion of temporary release from responsibility. Discipline begins with her. Psychologists emphasize the importance of accustoming yourself to doing everything “now,” thereby solving the problem on the spot. But then comes a sweet feeling of relief that the job has already been done, and now you can relax a little without remorse. Soon “here and now” becomes a habit and ceases to require willpower.

Ignoring irritants

Troubles with colleagues, capricious children, bad weather, a toxic environment, unpleasant surprises (a stain on a new shirt), late transport - nothing should affect self-control.

and personal performance.

“I smoked a cigarette because my nerves were frayed”, “tomorrow I’ll work on a project because there’s no muse today” - this is not an excuse, this is self-deception. No muse? Let's drag her by the ears!

The subconscious does nothing but look for a reason to succumb to weakness and self-sabotage. One thing is important here: nothing is a reason to be lazy except your health.

4. Distance

Now this word can be heard at every step, but we are talking about mental distance. Staying away from temptation is not so difficult: just turn off your phone while preparing for an exam (or work), and the world outside your window will go offline in a second. When doing any business, first of all, you need to weed out any sources of temptation. As for bad habits, it is important to distance yourself from the reality where these habits are relevant. At least create an imaginary wall between yourself and others.

How to learn to control thoughts?

Psychology pays close attention to the issue of self-control of the mind. The peculiarity of our psyche is that anxiety and phobias appear under the influence of negative thoughts that a person cannot restrain. As a rule, such thoughts arise spontaneously in the head and quickly disappear. And only people with a highly organized mind are able to control the flow of thought. These include, for example, yoga.

However, the average person can master this useful skill. Mind control is greatly facilitated if a person is able to:

do not overreact to criticism;
evaluate yourself adequately and not fall into radical self-criticism;
set goals that can be realistically realized;
reflect and overcome feelings of guilt and fears.

Are you capable of self-control? Let's look at the natal chart!

The ability to consciously manage emotions and behavior can be laid down from birth. There are people who are internally humble, moderate, and have a high level of self-control. As a rule, they have a strong Mars, Mercury or Saturn in their natal chart. All of these planets are, to one degree or another, related to self-control, discipline, prudence and restraint.

Draw up your natal chart according to our step-by-step instructions and see if you have the following provisions:

Saturn in the 1st house, especially in the signs of Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius or Pisces, indicates a purposeful, internally mature person. He knows how to control himself, is prone to self-censorship and self-control.
If in the chart Mercury is in Virgo, Gemini or Leo, Taurus, Libra, this also speaks of a person’s willpower, that since childhood he has been able to control his behavior or restrain his emotions.
A strong Mars (in Scorpio, Aries or Capricorn, in good houses) can also indicate strict self-control and adaptability.

The need for self-control may increase during periods of Sade Sati, Saturn or Mercury Mahadasha. Even without possessing internal willpower, a person can begin to develop it in himself. And very successfully! For this, various practices, techniques and meditations are used.

Do you want to learn how to build your natal chart to see your hidden potential and purpose, know your weak and strong points and upgrade them to avoid many problems? Register via the link to our free webinar, where we will tell you how to create your own individual horoscope and learn how to fulfill your desires using a special technique.

Meaning in everyday life

Unfortunately, not enough attention is paid to the importance of self-control. Many people cannot figure out how to develop self-control and what benefits it will bring. Many people live as they feel comfortable. However, the conditions and qualitative characteristics of human existence do not always correspond to wishes. In this case, it is appropriate to study the topic - how to learn self-control. Self-control forms a sense of purpose in a person, helps to fight laziness, hot temper and other negative emotions.

Types of self-control

Types of self-control are determined in accordance with certain factors:

psychological characteristics of a person;
the social environment in which a person is raised.

There are two types of self-control:

individual behavior used to resist attraction to any stimuli (self-control in this situation helps to resist negative consequences that develop over a long period);
human behavior in situations related to overcoming unpleasant situations, obtaining benefits and improving health.

Self-control: why is it more important than it seems and how to develop it?

The skill of self-control is necessary in all areas of life, in any situation. He develops concentration and a responsible approach to any task. Its development requires willpower: only by overcoming yourself can you take the right path leading to success. You already know what self-control is

, and why it is important, and now let’s look at how to learn how to develop it.

What exactly needs to be controlled?

Self control is

a combination of willpower and internal discipline that does not allow one to succumb to harmful temptations (laziness, aggression, apathy, ignorance, depression, despondency). To have full control of yourself, you need to keep three things under control: emotions, behavior, thoughts. Especially thoughts! They are the ones who push a person to rash behavior, affecting emotional intelligence.

What needs to be overcome first?

The main enemies of self-control are impulsiveness and reflexes that cause parasitic desires. Impulsivity is associated with immediate desires and blocks the analysis of possible negative consequences (for example, a snack/diet, studying for an exam/party with friends).

Reflexes are associated with bad habits that the brain has already put on automatic (smoking, alcohol, lack of concentration, chronic laziness). It is quite difficult to control yourself when you are under the influence of the spell of one or the other (often both). But by doing a series of exercises you can achieve excellent results in a real time frame.

Why is self-control important? What are the advantages of people with this quality?

Let's assume that you are ready to master the wisdom of self-control. This

It’s not easy, so motivation is extremely important! Let's find out what bonuses you will receive if you learn to manage your own emotions and subjugate impulsive character traits to your will?

Psychologists say: self-control gives freedom from external restrictions and inner peace, which arises from faith in one’s strength, skills and mind. Self-control is directly related to self-esteem, it helps to understand and manage other people, this is a quality that gives patience in overcoming both internal weaknesses and external obstacles.

From a practical point of view, people with self-control are less susceptible to bad habits and learn good ones faster.

Self-control is associated with structuring, a daily routine, and a tendency to perform certain actions at the same time, and this makes achieving any goal more accessible and simpler, and decision-making does not require the utmost strain of mental strength.

Self-control has a direct connection with awareness, which means that impulsive purchases, overeating, bad habits (drinking, smoking) are not so dangerous for those who are “friends” with this character trait.

Entering a state of concentration is not particularly difficult, because self-control extends not only to physical and emotional reactions, but also to a person’s thoughts. Having developed willpower, you will easily get into a working state, focus on the goal and achieve it.

Self-discipline: instructions for development

Achieving goals is impossible without self-discipline. It is an extremely important attribute required for the acquisition of any personal quality, sportsmanship, virtuosity in art and business or, as a result, outstanding work. Having self-discipline means being able to make decisions, take necessary actions and stick to your plan regardless of obstacles, discomfort or difficulties that may arise. But to develop self-discipline, it is necessary to create certain conditions. You will learn about them from this article. Read more…

Meditation “One Breath”

Great for beginners! It is good because you don’t need to keep track of time, there is no need for music, incense, special poses or mantras.

It's simple - close your eyes, take a deep breath, feel as much as possible the path of air through the nostrils into the lungs and further into the lower abdomen. Then mentally note the moment your breathing stops. Exhale calmly and softly, feeling as much as possible the path of air back from the stomach to the lungs and then out. That's all!

The main beauty of this technique is its duration. It's very short. Everyone can understand one cycle without problems. The mind will not wander off into something else and you will calm down.

If you like it, do two or three more of these breaths. Our goal is to return to a forgotten and unusual state of composure - here-and-now.

Control of emotions

In a situation where emotions take over you, you need to reduce the emotional intensity or switch to other emotions. The following techniques can help here:

Distance. Take a walk, go to another room, or visit. Distance perfectly neutralizes negative impulses.
Sport. A few push-ups or pull-ups will reduce the intensity of passions, and to completely put your thoughts in order, do a full workout.
Visualization of pleasant memories. Imagine some positive experience as vividly and with all the details as possible, focus on it.

unsplash.com / @markdaynes

Exercise “Don't cry / Don't laugh”

Find a movie or video that evokes strong emotions in you. Something that inevitably makes you laugh or cry. Play the video and try to curb your feelings this time. Use the self-control techniques described above. For example, think about something else or pause and walk around the room. You can also get a self-monitoring diary and analyze your feelings.

Meditation "Serene Lake"

Using the Serene Lake practice, we learn to regulate emotions, train self-control through breathing and imagination.

You will need 15 minutes of silence and a chair. Sit comfortably, you can turn on meditation music, close your eyes.

Focus on your breathing:

Exhale slowly, then slowly take a deep breath.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
Exhale slowly again, slowly take a deep breath.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
Repeat this procedure several times

Then, with your eyes closed, imagine a lake, any body of water with calm water. Imagine the reflection of the sky in the mirror surface of the water, white clouds. Breathe deeply and contemplate this peace and tranquility. Listen to music and imagine. Sit like this for 10 minutes.

Tip #1: Remove everything that might tempt you from sight.

If you are quitting smoking, do not keep cigarettes in the house. If you suffer from shopaholism, immediately after your paycheck, withdraw money from your card and put it in your bedside table or deposit, where it is more difficult to get it from, and never carry large sums with you.

If you lose your will at the sight of flour, cook bread and pastries only yourself. It’s one thing when a fresh white loaf is lying in the kitchen and you just need to cut off a piece (or you can even nibble off the loaf, so what), and quite another when you need to spread the story for four hours with dough and yeast.

It is important to make tempting things as hard to reach as possible so that the automatic response of the limbic system does not overwhelm your efforts to pacify your passions.

Even if the limbic system gets so worked up that it forces you to get dressed and go to the store for bread and cigarettes (this happens in extreme cases), along the way you will have a chance to come to your senses and prevent a disaster.

The best exercises for self-control

Exercise No. 1

Psychologists recommend keeping a self-control diary

. Such diaries are usually kept by athletes and cover the topic of physical exercise. In our case, we do the same thing, only we change the context.

We write the days of the week and make four columns:

1 - write down a parasitic desire (impulse, reflex). 2 - write down our emotions, tested when temptation arises. 3 - write down what threatens a moment of weakness. 4 - record the result, how much we managed to overcome ourselves. It worked - a tick, if it didn't work - a cross.

Self-control diary

gives you the opportunity to look at your emotions from the outside, understand why they are uncontrollable and what prevents you from pulling yourself together. Over time, there will be more checkmarks than crosses. And then they will be in the absolute minority. With self-control comes self-respect, and it will bring with it the respect of other people. Believe me, it's worth it. The main thing here is not to be lazy and write down every day. Paper and pen should always be at hand.

Exercise No. 2

Will and self-control

they will never come on their own if a person is inactive. You should definitely play sports, or dance, or just walk a lot. The point is that without the tone of the physical muscles there will be no tone of consciousness. The brain needs to know that the work process is going on in all respects, otherwise it will not understand why only it needs to work. It’s not for nothing that it’s been said: a healthy mind in a healthy body. Many people ignore this and then wonder why they don’t get the desired results.

Exercise #3

Distribution of priorities and an outside view. It’s important to sort out your thoughts here. What is a higher priority, a positive result or a parasitic desire? What will one bring, and what will the second?

When facing temptation, you should visualize the desired success, clearly see the picture: success and barricades on its road (chocolate, partying, lying on the couch watching a TV series). After this, parasitic desires will be perceived not as satisfaction, but as an obstacle. As a result, over time, the “withdrawal” will loosen its stranglehold and give way to common sense. A look from the outside allows you to fully see the attitude towards a person who cannot control himself. How desirable is such a person to others? Does he command respect? Do you want to be such a person yourself?

IMPORTANT: Self-control should not be confused with self-violence. All the above text is relevant only in case of normal health. We in no way encourage you to force yourself to work with a fever or engage in other self-harm. Here self-control consists of following the regime. The same applies to increased fatigue and all physical ailments.

Self-control

necessary in any area of life, be it relationships, career and, first of all, health (follow doctor’s orders, take care of yourself, do not ignore alarm bells). It's never too late to start developing internal discipline: no matter how old a reflex or impulse is, the brain can always build new neural connections.

The best time to start doing exercises is RIGHT NOW!

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Three main features

We can also say that people with developed self-control are characterized by three key features:

Self-preservation - they have a healthy attitude towards everything that happens and around them, they focus on what they need for a quality life, and not on what they want, sometimes in spite of. They use whatever they need to enrich their lives, but do not overdo it or try to exploit others in any way.
Read also: Chokeberry sauce for the winter
Self-affirmation - they know their worth and can freely say what they think, but in a way that allows others to speak too. They are firm but gentle with others and do not put themselves or others down.
Self-actualization - the path to self-actualization is closely related to resilience. People with self-control are able to understand that it is important to continue doing a difficult task if you plan to improve at it.

Online program “Mental self-regulation”

In this online program, in just 6 weeks, you will learn to cope with stress at work and school, difficult relationships in a team, anxiety and fear before important events, apathy, difficulty taking the first step and procrastination. We have collected scientifically and practically based techniques and presented them precisely from the point of view of real application in life, and also tried to give the necessary minimum of theory and more games, tests, and exercises that will allow you not only to gain knowledge, but also to develop skills. Find out more...

The ability to motivate yourself and control your mental states is a skill that requires a thoughtful and serious approach to master. We think that this collection of articles will help you find such an approach and bring it to life. We wish you success!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Interesting things about cognitive distortions
Types of thinking
Best of the year. Part two
Self-control: what it is and how to develop it
Self-control: developing self-control
How to learn a foreign language: a selection of useful materials
Self-control and self-motivation
Anger management: a selection of useful materials
Mastery of Self-Control
How to control your emotions: rules and exercises

Key words:1Psychoregulation

Start keeping a diary

This exercise may seem strange to some. What does a diary have to do with emotions? Very direct! Journaling will help you learn to control your emotions and control your anger. Buy a beautiful notebook or notebook, and write “Diary of my emotions” on the cover. As soon as some negative or positive emotion begins to overwhelm you, immediately open your diary and write down in it everything you feel at the moment.

If you are experiencing a negative emotion, then first share with your diary everything that is boiling inside, and then switch to the positive: realize why you had this or that emotion, how you reacted to this or that remark, why you reacted that way and etc. As soon as you get rid of the emotion and its pressure, then remember and write down in your diary all the good things that happened to you during the day, and those events that caused you joy, happiness, laughter, etc.

Keep your balance

Emotions are not only possible, but also necessary to regulate. Like the temperature on a thermostat, we can change the temperature of our emotions. Don't forget that you are the master, not the slave, of your inner impulses.

To feel good, calm and harmonious, your emotions should be neither too “hot” nor too “cold”. Look for the golden mean! Only balanced emotions can make you a happy and free person.

Both an excess of positive emotions and excessively depressive or aggressive behavior are not only bad for your health, but also not always appropriate! The pronounced emotions that we all have to experience from time to time disrupt our spiritual harmony and have a very destructive effect on us. This applies to both negative and positive emotions.

To avoid emotional turmoil and overload your nervous system, try to maintain balance. As soon as you feel that some emotion is overwhelming you and will soon cover you completely, focus your attention on something else: do household chores, go to the gym, cook a new dish, or just start counting mentally or out loud from one to until the emotion lets you go.

Negative motivation: definition, techniques, examples

Often as a child, we heard similar phrases from our parents: “You won’t sit at the computer until you do your homework,” “You won’t get candy until you eat porridge,” “If you don’t clean your room, you won’t go for a walk.” And, as a rule, our parents achieved what they demanded of us, and this happened due to the fact that they influenced our strong desires, directly pointing out that we might not get what we wanted. This technique is one of the aspects of negative motivation. Why is it worth resorting to? What does this achieve? Is this useful? We answer these questions in this article. Read more…

The essence of experiments

It all started in the 1960s.
I and my students at Stanford University conducted experiments with preschool children in which the kids were faced with a difficult dilemma. We asked them to choose between one reward (e.g., a marshmallow), which they could receive immediately, or a larger reward (two marshmallows), for which they would have to wait up to 20 minutes. Unexpectedly, it turned out that the actions of preschoolers when they tried to force themselves to wait for a delayed double reward could predict a lot in their future lives. The longer they could wait at age four or five, the higher their scores on academic assessment tests and the more successful they were in social and cognitive behavior in adolescence. Those young people aged 27–32 years who demonstrated the greatest endurance during marshmallow tests as preschoolers had an optimal BMI and more evident self-esteem, were more effective in achieving their goals and were more successful in coping with disappointments and stress. In middle age, those who were able to wait persistently in childhood (“long delay”) and those who could not do this (“short delay”) had completely different brain scans in the areas that are responsible for addiction. and obesity.

Experiments at Stanford Kindergarten showed how mentally imagining tempting rewards can alter, sometimes polarize, the impact on behavior. A child who cannot wait a minute can tolerate a 20-minute wait if he thinks differently about rewards.

Over time, the feeling of mastery over oneself and the acquisition of new skills—for example, playing the violin, building Lego models, or creating new computer applications—will become the rewards that children who engage in these activities will find satisfaction in. Their sense of effectiveness and efficiency in their efforts is rooted in their experience of success and leads to realistic and at the same time optimistic expectations and aspirations. Moreover, each success will increase the chances of achieving the next one.