Love at 14. What do parents need to know about teenage love?

Teenage falling in love is not uncommon. It becomes a real test for both the lover and his parents. For teenagers - due to their inexperience, and for parents - due to surprise. It seems to many adults that just yesterday their “kids” were playing with dolls and cars, but today they have completely different games and fun. Both sides are in a state of real confusion. In this article we will look at the characteristics of teenage relationships and the most common mistakes parents make.

Teenage love

Young people are not always ready to share their love experiences with their parents. You can find out that Cupid has captivated a young heart by the following signs:

• From a fan of computer games, he suddenly turned into a connoisseur of walking in the fresh air. Partial interrogation and prohibitions from parents will contribute to a loss of trust. It is necessary to announce to the rebel in love the time limits of his dates.
• If, while communicating on the phone, a child constantly strives for privacy, this indicates that he has an object of desire.
• Close attention to your appearance, hairstyle and wardrobe, the desire to look bright, stylish, and fashionable can be indirect signs of sympathy.
• A teenager's request to increase his allowance should alert parents. Money may be needed not only for dates, but also if he seeks to declare his “adulthood” with the help of harmful inclinations: smoking and alcohol.
• Contraceptives found by parents in a teenager should not provoke a hysterical reaction. This will only create a barrier in the relationship that will be very difficult to overcome.

In adolescence, physical development does not correspond at all to mental and social development. It may seem that outwardly young people are already ready for mature feelings and their development, but in fact this is not the case. They don't realize that to build a relationship, you need to learn to control your instincts. Love should not be like an uncontrollable element that breaks everything in its path.

Parents need to convey the idea to their children that physical intimacy is a consequence of harmonious relationships between lovers, their new round. A necessary condition for sex is the moral and psychological maturity of young people, which consists of a number of aspects. The first of them is the ability and willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions and their consequences, for a loved one. Teenagers are not able to take on such responsibility, if only because they are financially dependent on their parents.

Unfortunately, in modern society, where the media is engaged in the promotion of sex, early sexual intercourse is far from uncommon. Sexual freedom is associated with sexual permissiveness. In order to justify promiscuity, young people tend to equate love and sex. The task of parents is to prevent the replacement of true values ​​with false ones. This is the only opportunity to form a correct idea of ​​love among teenagers.

Importance to each other

It has long been accepted that a man takes the first step to develop a relationship. However, it is the woman who pushes him to this act. For this purpose, a smile, a glance, and gestures are used.

Without gentle feedback, a man will not be able to feel comfortable. Although the “stronger sex” rejects sentimentality, it is important for him to feel his importance and to be in demand for the woman he loves.

Every goal he achieves speaks not only of his efforts, but also of the support and faith of his partner.

Likewise, a woman depends on the male presence. Without love, a woman not only feels worse, but also undergoes changes in appearance, in her attitude towards things and people around her, and ceases to enjoy life. She needs tender feelings as much as a woman’s support for a man.

As a result, a woman creates conditions for a man, and he, in turn, creates safe conditions for her and gives her confidence in the future. Both sexes depend on each other, which is why some people are literally attracted to each other.

Psychology of Adolescents

Adolescence is characterized by significant physical changes in the body. An increase in hormonal activity is manifested in the formation of secondary sexual characteristics and features of the nervous system: excitation processes predominate over inhibition. This explains the emotional outbursts, imbalance and conflict of adolescents. Going through the stage of personal growth, boys and girls strive for autonomy. At the same time, they are not alien to the desire to become a member of any social group whose interests they share.

There are many contradictions at this age: a combination of isolation and sociability, cynicism and daydreaming, arrogance and shyness. Bipolarity of the psyche manifests itself in all its glory and in some cases becomes the cause of serious mental disorders, which begin much more often during this period of human life than at others.

The teenager realizes that he differs little from adults, although at the same time he must obey them in everything. He tries in every possible way to demonstrate his maturity: in clothes, manner of communication, actions, bad habits such as smoking and drinking alcohol, early sexual intercourse.

The conflict between fathers and children keeps both of them in constant tension. On the one hand, striving for independence, the teenager rebels against the advice and opinions of adults, their desire to limit his freedom. On the other hand, the opinion of his parents still remains very important to him. It is no coincidence that in his search for his own identity and role model in society, he chooses what is familiar to him from childhood, most often copying the models of his parents. Therefore, the example of “fathers” is a very important factor in the formation of a child’s personality.

All teenagers go through puberty. Gender psychological differences explain its characteristics in girls and boys. So, for the former, this process begins earlier. Girls need psychological intimacy, a response to which they often find in older boys. Erotic overtones are not as important for them as for young people.

Although puberty in young men occurs a little later, it manifests itself more rapidly. Hypersexuality is a consequence of their psychophysiological characteristics of increased sexual excitability.

Early puberty ends quickly in young men. The late stage is characterized by a protracted and sluggish course.

Time will help you survive the crisis

Misunderstandings between parents and teenagers during a crisis occur in most families. This is a normal age-related phenomenon that must be experienced. This does not mean that parents should let everything take its course and give the girl complete freedom. Adolescence is a period of self-determination, learning, and personality development. At this time, the girl is approaching the period of adulthood, she needs her mother’s support and acceptance.

Remember: criticism, excessive pressure, imposition of one’s own opinion can alienate a teenager from his parents. The ability to listen, give wise and calm advice, and show concern will do much more to establish relationships.

Only with patience and understanding of teenage psychology can you change the situation and establish a warm and harmonious relationship with your daughter.

Teenage relationships

First love is a wonderful feeling. However, due to the fact that teenagers have no experience, they make numerous mistakes in relationships that can be easily avoided. Psychologists give numerous advice on this issue:

• In the first days of dating, you need to learn as much as possible about each other so that a wave of disappointment does not overwhelm the teenager at the most inopportune moment - when the relationship is already in full swing. Parting at the peak of affection will bring severe pain and bitterness of disappointment.
• You should remember about yourself and your interests, and not dissolve in the object of passion. If a young man is into hard rock or football, this does not mean that a girl should give up her favorite dancing in order to share his hobbies with him.
• Maintain the boundaries of your personal space without devoting all your free time to the object of your desire. Don’t forget about the other side of the coin - don’t be intrusive, don’t try to control every step of your partner.
• We must not forget about plans for the future. Feelings of love should not negatively affect your performance at school. If a partner demands attention and does not want to take into account the interests of his other half, it is hardly worth continuing communication with such a selfish person.
• The decision to engage in sexual intercourse must be balanced and deliberate. You should not be led by passion, so as not to regret it in the future. If a partner insists and is not ready to wait, perhaps he is only interested in sex, and there is no talk of love here. If the decision is made, do not forget about its possible negative consequences - accidental pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Use contraceptives.
• In case of problems and failures on the personal front, you should not withdraw into yourself. Communication with friends, creative activities, sports, and hobbies will help you get rid of gloomy thoughts. The support of your family should not be neglected. It is possible that the rich baggage of their life experience will provide answers to complex questions.

Content:

• First love in teenagers Features and nuances of first love
• At what age does first love appear?
• What is the difference between falling in love and friendship?
• Types of first love
• How to understand that a teenager has fallen in love?

Features of teenage love 12-16 years old

Psychologists say that love between a man and a woman has three levels: physical, emotional and spiritual. In an adult lover they merge into one. In adolescence, things are a little different. Physiological needs and feelings are disconnected.

• Both boys and girls can experience sublime feelings for one person, but at the same time enter into an intimate relationship with another, without particularly thinking about the fact that they are acting, to put it mildly, dishonestly in relation to the object of their adoration.
• Teenagers often treat sexual intercourse very frivolously and are prone to frequent changes of partners.

According to statistics, two-thirds of high school students manage to change from three to five sexual partners by the time they graduate from school. Most of them are well informed about contraception, but this does not eliminate the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy.

• First love does not yet fully understand what the criteria for choosing an object of sympathy should be. And since these criteria change, new loves arise along with them.
• A teenager is capable of falling in love many times over the course of one month, and each time it will seem to him that this will last a lifetime. Increased hormonal levels make him react sharply to any difficulties in relationships. Emotionality, impulsiveness, thoughtlessness of actions are integral components of love among 14-year-old teenagers.

A feature of this age is that the center of the child’s physical and spiritual life moves from home to the environment of peers and adults. Communication with society becomes his main activity. He prefers to share his emotional experiences not with loved ones and family, but with friends and peers. This is how the psychology of teenagers explains their desire to spend as much time as possible outside the walls of their home.

Questions of love worry young people long before this feeling comes to them. Its attractiveness lies not only in the unknown and novelty, but also in the fact that it provides an opportunity for self-affirmation among peers, arousing their envy, admiration and respect. Unfortunately, it is not always real. Sometimes a teenager can fake falling in love because it benefits him.

There is a lot of fantasy in youthful love: the loved one is always idealized, he has no flaws. Often love cannot be differentiated from sympathy, affection and attraction. She is cut off from life, does not look into the future, resembles an interesting game, because her goal cannot be to create strong and long-term relationships. She is fragile, vulnerable, naive, stupid, but still beautiful.

As long as it's not pregnancy

Modern teen pregnancy has dropped a bit now. For teenagers, in terms of intimate relationships, everything is somewhat different - they often abandon traditional options in favor of non-standard ones. And they, as a rule, know a lot about sex life and birth control - social networks, the Internet, etc. help them. And for the most part, if teenagers try intimate relationships, then it is more filled with anxiety, pain, worries, and embarrassment.

Adult daughter: how to communicate with a teenager Read more

Naturally, parents must prepare their children. So, both mom and dad can talk to a boy about this topic, but for girls, dad’s participation is more important and it is desirable that there be more of it. Because it is dad who forms the model of relationships with others. And dad makes a promise that you will meet the prince, and he will be like this, and forms an alarming position that you should pay attention to. These should be conversations, but not like a lecture, for example, there may be some memes. You can easily send them to a teenager, they respond well to it. And it will be better than if you sit in a circle and start giving him a lecture. It’s better to work in a modern context - pictures, funny videos.

It is important to remember that all value judgments should be removed, no good/bad, no labels “here you are”, “here’s how many more you’ll have.” In general, notations should be removed. It's complicated. But still, you should just listen, and the teenager, perhaps, will ask: “Mom, why are you silent?” Here you can ask him what he wants to hear. Typically the answer is support me. And the form of support can already be different, depending on what is practiced in the family. For some it’s a hug, for others it’s just a matter of smiling, for others it’s worth inviting for shopping. A teenager is a subject of desires, he has the right to fall in and out of love, to grieve, he learns, he tries to desire. And if his parents support him as he should, he will go through this stage correctly.

Parents' mistakes

Advice for the older generation:

• Don't be afraid of losing your authority. Even if your child constantly argues with you and provokes conflict, this does not mean that he does not love you. Change the mentor's tone to friendly participation, give the opportunity to show independence, and he will repay you with warmth and respect.
• Conversations about sex education should be one of the topics of your confidential communication. Feel free to talk about sex and physical development. It will be better if he learns about the possible negative consequences of early sexual intercourse from you, and not in the gateway of the house where you live, or from the pages of Internet resources for adults, where sex is presented as something mandatory for happiness and strong relationships.
• Do not build communication in the form of interrogation. Tell your child about your first love, your feelings and experiences. Be honest, this will gain his trust.
• Parents should know the guys who are part of the teenager's closest social circle. Invite them into your home more often to understand who your child is friends with. It’s definitely worth getting to know your child’s chosen one. Don't exaggerate the situation and don't throw a family viewing or dinner party. Try to be friendly and open.
• Teenagers are very sensitive to criticism of their friends and lovers, so parental condemnation of their choices can hurt and have a negative impact on relationships with adults. Categorical statements can cause a desire to do things out of spite. Do not provoke a teenager to defend his decision in this way. He should know about your doubts, but this should be done not in a raised tone, without insults and reproaches.
• He should feel the understanding and support of his parents. Somewhere you can listen, somewhere you can help with advice, distract or redirect his attention by offering an interesting activity or leisure time together. The main thing is not to laugh at a teenager’s falling in love, not to judge, but to take it seriously.

What about girls?

While boys at the age of 14 may not yet understand love as a feeling, girls understand everything very well. Therefore, most people already know very well: if a boy pesters her, constantly looks at her and pesters her, then it is obvious that he has fallen in love. And girls, to whom boys do not pay attention, even if in a rather strange way, often get offended and feel deprived of attention. Often they themselves try to attract attention to themselves or provoke the guy they like to do this.

Sometimes it happens that a girl who is being actively courted by a guy responds by completely ignoring him. But at the same time, he does not give up, unconsciously leaving hope. But she continues to avoid communicating with him, because so far none of them understands how to behave in a state of love. There is also a lack of understanding of how to communicate about these feelings.

Often girls are very assertive in trying to please their lover. They laugh loudly in his presence and may call or tease the object of their adoration. Shy and modest girls tend to behave differently. They try to attract the attention of their lover with new clothes or hairstyle. They may also “accidentally” sit at the same desk with him during class.