Adolescence in boys: what do parents need to know?

The specifics of adolescence differ depending on gender. The transitional stage in girls has its own characteristics, primarily related to the reproductive system. What are the developmental features of teenage girls, what situations await parents and what risks arise? How to navigate adolescence wisely? Read more about this.

First, I want to mention that in this article I adhere to classical periodizations, and not modern proposals to extend adolescence to 24 years. You can read about why I hold this opinion in the article “Transition and crisis in adolescents - advice from a psychologist.”

Based on the analysis of different age periodizations, we can say that in girls, adolescence lasts from 10 (12) years to 15 (16) years. At the same time, the peak of negative reactions is the period from 11 to 13 years. And the peak of emotional instability occurs at 13-15 years. In girls, the negative phase in 70% of cases ends with literary work (letters, diaries, poems).

Sexual development

In girls, puberty begins on average at 12 years of age and ends at 16 years of age. A characteristic feature of girlish puberty is the desire to please. To do this, they begin to dress up and take care of themselves. At the same time, they easily and sincerely fall in love and are drawn to the company of boys. However, the development of femininity (gender identification) does not depend on the masculinity of the boys around them.

Sometimes the desire to be perfect and dissatisfaction with oneself result in nervous disorders, such as anorexia. Although it is worth noting that lately this has affected boys no less.

If you notice or suspect an eating disorder in your daughter, you should immediately contact a specialist.

The onset of menstruation plays a special role in the development of girls:

• On the one hand, this is perceived as a stage of transformation into a woman and is a symbol of sophistication and tenderness. The girl begins to strive for this image. However, this only happens if the girl accepts her changes.
• If a girl cannot accept the onset of menstruation and regards this as closing the door to childhood, then this becomes an obstacle to successful adaptation. Feelings of inferiority, shame, and uncertainty may appear. However, due to the inconsistency of adolescence, pride and self-confidence arise, which aggravates the situation.

An intrapersonal conflict in the sexual (gender, reproductive) sphere can be provoked in a girl by the desire to separate from her mother, superimposed on the desire to be like her (a model woman). The situation can be aggravated by the mother’s desire to make her daughter a copy of herself and the father’s positive attitude towards bringing “his women” together.

Body reaction

For both boys and girls, the transition period is tied to hormones, or rather, a large number of them. In boys, puberty is controlled by a group of male hormones called androgens. The process of their production is called andrenarche, and it is with this that the very transitional age begins.

One of the first and main signs of puberty in boys is an enlargement of the external genitalia, seminal vesicles and prostate gland. After which the last two organs begin to actively function, which leads to increased excitability in guys, as well as erections and emission - involuntary ejaculation, usually during sleep. Such unpleasant “surprises” often confuse teenagers. Therefore, if he suddenly asks what it is, then calmly tell him that he is growing up, that this is a completely normal phenomenon, and this is just the beginning, and if something worries him, then he should not hesitate to ask for your advice.

Body hair becomes more intense. Hair grows on the pubic area, chest and armpits. It is not necessary, but it is quite natural to have hair on your arms, legs and back. A fuzz appears on the face in the form of a mustache or beard.

Another sure sign of adolescence is a breaking of the voice. He is rough at times and too tall at times. This also includes vocal changes during speech. This is due to the fact that new vocal cords are formed in the larynx, which become denser along with the existing ones.

Changes affect the entire body. During puberty, boys' bones and muscles actively grow. Moreover, all this is growing extremely unevenly and inharmoniously, which makes teenagers look awkward. The bones of the limbs begin to grow first, and the pelvis begins to stretch. Then the shoulders become wider and the lower jaw increases. At the same time, the child’s strength increases. Then rapid muscle growth begins. It is very important not to miss this moment and provide your child with regular sports activities, in addition to physical education lessons. This could be simple exercise in the morning, which lasts no more than 10–15 minutes, jogging or going to the gym (after 14 years). These changes can also lead to clumsiness in movements and lack of coordination associated with the teenager’s overestimation of his strength and poor control of his new body.

It is very important at this time to pay attention to personal hygiene, since in boys the composition of sweat changes, from which the latter acquires a specific smell, like the teenager himself. The skin becomes oilier, the secretion of the sebaceous glands is produced more actively, which is why acne and pimples appear. Here it is important to explain to the teenager the importance of caring for the skin of the face and body, since some guys rebel against the use of special cleansers and deodorants, considering them feminine things. Let him understand that girls prefer boys who are well-groomed and take care of themselves, and that using creams, lotions and perfume is not shameful and normal, if in moderation, of course.

Physical development

Peak growth in girls occurs at the age of 10-11 years; by the age of 16, growth slows down significantly. In this case, weight gain occurs from 11 to 14 years.

Formation of immunity

Adolescence marks the final phase of development of the human immune system. In girls this happens at 12-13 years old. The development of immunity depends on external environmental conditions and heredity. This is why it is important for teenagers:

• eat well and properly;
• exercise;
• avoid bad habits.

The cardiovascular system

Girls experience rapid heartbeat and hypertension. Blood pressure is highest at 13-14 years of age. This gives rise to:

• headache,
• dizziness,
• fatigue.

Muscles

In terms of physical strength, girls reach the level of adult women by the age of 14-15.

Breath

The respiratory organs grow. In girls, the chest type of breathing predominates. Girls are less able to tolerate a lack of air during physical activity.

Emotional sphere

Girls experience any emotions more clearly than boys. They perceive everything as highly significant, vital, and important.

• The peak of emotionality occurs at the age of 13-14, then decreases.
• A new surge occurs at 18 years of age.

Often these outbursts are called the crisis of adolescence. Emotional and mood swings are characteristic: sadness and despair are replaced by euphoria and joy. In general, girls have a predominant manic-depressive state, which is caused by hormonal and somatic changes with low self-awareness and acceptance.

What could be the consequences?

Teenagers who did not get help when they needed it may experience a lot of problems in adulthood:

• frequent emotional breakdowns;
• neuroses;
• psychological disorders;
• isolation, closedness;
• suicidal tendencies;
• craving for illicit drugs.

Parents should do everything possible to ensure that their child survives the teenage crisis with minimal losses. It will be much easier to overcome moments of crisis if parents adhere to proper upbringing from early childhood. By the age of 13-14, the child will know the basic rules, learn to adhere to them and develop communication skills. Emotional outbursts, unfortunately, cannot be avoided, but they will pass much easier if you set clear rules in advance and build friendly relationships with your children.

Read on topic: How to survive self-isolation with teenagers
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Health facts (mental, physical)

If we talk in general about the health of modern teenage girls, we can note several disappointing facts (data from a study by M. B. Krasnikova):

• slow pace of physical development;
• disorders in the development of the reproductive system;
• an abundance of chronic and recurrent diseases;
• psychosomatic problems;
• prevalence of sexually transmitted infections;
• early pregnancies;
• deviant behavior (alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse);
• problems with social integration;
• Every eighth girl has disorders of sexual development or gynecological problems.

It is noted that these facts are associated with problems of mental development of teenage girls. This arises under the influence of destructive family upbringing, the decline of morality in society, the availability of information against the backdrop of a small amount of organized propaganda of useful material.

The role of the family in the formation of a teenage girl

The task of parents in solving this problem is to contribute, that is, first of all, to create:

• favorable intra-family relationships;
• psychologically comfortable conditions for the development of a teenage girl.

It is also necessary to conduct educational conversations, promptly introduce the girl to the changes in her body (primarily talk about menstruation, pregnancy), describe the pros and cons of these changes, that is, the advantages and risks.

It is important to show by personal example the value of a healthy lifestyle. It is unacceptable for your words and actions to diverge. Divergence of parental positions in education is also unacceptable.

A common but erroneous opinion is that in the family there should be prohibitions on discussing any topics, for example, sex. Or sometimes parents feel embarrassed. There shouldn't be any taboos. A girl should and has the right to know about her function as a woman and a future mother. Illiteracy is often the root cause of deviant behavior. If you can’t talk on your own, give them a book, video cassette, or disk.

Manifestations of crisis in adolescence

The severity of the crisis may vary. At the primary stage, psychologists identify two main features that are present in almost every child:

• Decrease in school performance and performance . Physiological and mental changes, changes in the type of thinking directly affect the child’s learning. He copes poorly with creative tasks, loses concentration and interest in learning. Even minor criticism can discourage you from delving into a certain area or topic.
• Negative reactions . Even the most docile children strive to separate themselves from their parents, and therefore often display hot-tempered reactions even in familiar situations. Natural manifestations of negativism are pessimistic moods, increased irritability, dissatisfaction with oneself, whims, and nervousness.

As we move from one phase of the crisis to another, the manifestation of reactions increases, which can be divided into three large groups :

• Emancipation reactions . The child wants independence, and this reaction is expressed in avoiding parental control, denial of habitual values, and a retreat to communicate with peers. The teenager demonstrates independence and autonomy, demands that his equality be recognized and his opinion be taken into account.
• Self-affirmation reactions . Mainly expressed in communication with peers and showing interest in the opposite sex. During this period, friends become the main authority, and interest in romantic relationships appears.
• Reactions to searching for new interests . During adolescence, a teenager’s interests are scattered in many directions: searching for oneself, striving for the unknown and novelty, immersion in information and communication spheres. The teenager is deeply interested in some intellectual and aesthetic direction (music, cinema, philosophy, etc.), seeks out physical and manual practices (works on his body, increases endurance, strength), develops leadership qualities (trying to take a worthy position among his peers), immerses himself into the information field (spends a lot of time on the Internet, social networks).

Recommendations for parents

1. If the girl’s problems are far-fetched, but easily solvable, then this needs to be done. It is important to see the fine line between dangerous behavior and acceptable behavior. For example, if a girl is dissatisfied with herself because of her hairstyle, then you can change it. If there is a real problem of excess weight, then the sensible way is to lose weight. But if a girl stops eating altogether, then prevention (treatment) of anorexia needs to begin.
2. You can't leave the upbringing of your daughter to your mother. The father is an equally important figure. This is an example of the male role. It is important for dads not to be afraid of their growing daughter and not to run away from her, but at the same time not to fall into total guardianship and prohibitions. Father - support, care, protection (if necessary).
3. Together, cope with teenage criticality and maximalism. Analyze all situations and clearly demonstrate the duality of each event and step. There are two medals for everything. Describe your real situations and feelings, but remember that your child is unique (he is not you).
4. Give the girl the right to choose, but with further responsibility.
5. The main tool in establishing contact is dialogue. Always. Even if the child is screaming. He is not an adult yet, so he can be forgiven (hormones, character accentuations). You are an adult and have no right to stoop to that level. But you can’t swallow it either. You can report what upset you. If you can’t speak calmly yet, leave, calm down and talk through the situation later.
6. Don't you dare read your daughter's diary. I understand that you want to know what she breathes, but this is not an option. There can be only one exception - you are 100% sure that your daughter is in danger. If you are simply interested in what is happening in her life, then you will have to endure and find ways to make your daughter want to tell about it.
7. Remember that the teenager himself does not understand what is happening to him. The question “What’s wrong with you?” won't improve the situation.

Psychology of teenage crisis

The main reason for the development of a crisis in adolescence is a significant gap between the physiological and social, emotional maturation of the individual. As we have already said, physiological growth during this period exceeds the rate of mental development as much as possible.

Physiologically, a teenager becomes an adult, mature person in a short period of time. Outwardly, yesterday's child looks like an adult, begins to feel like one, but is not yet fully ready for independence and responsibility. Social maturation takes much longer.

As a result of such a gap, conflicts with adults arise. The child wants to feel free and independent, but in reality he still cannot cope with serious responsibility. Conflicts and misunderstandings arise on this basis. The personality of a teenager changes so much that sometimes it seems that the child has simply been replaced.

Puberty is expressed not only at the physiological, but also at the mental level. Moreover, the mental aspects of puberty can arise much earlier than physical maturation. Adolescents undergo gender identification and orientation and begin to perceive themselves and others according to gender. Scientists agree that gender identification occurs to a greater extent under the influence of sociocultural factors than biological ones. The decisive role is played by the patterns and stereotypes operating in society.

During the same period, romanticism developed - the desire for emotional intimacy. Teenagers begin relationships that involve spending time together and having intimate conversations. The first love appears. In this case, physical intimacy is not obligatory; the platonic context comes to the fore, and only then the sexual one.

Taking into account all the psychological changes occurring in a teenager, a crisis is necessary to solve a number of problems. As a result of successfully overcoming this developmental leap, the teenager:

• undergoes gender identification, takes on a male or female role;
• accepts his appearance with all changes;
• changes the form of communication with others: parents, peers, etc.;
• accepts a new style of relationships, transforms from a child into an equal, responsible member of society with mature behavior;
• develops interests, finds directions for developing their abilities, and subsequent professional guidance.

Results

Self-knowledge is the basis of adolescence. For girls, the leading role is taken by planning their future family life, finding a potential husband, and creating their ideal. The girl evaluates her success through success in interpersonal relationships.

The entire adolescence period can be described as critical. Don't make things worse. Most of all, a teenage girl expects wise advice, support, and understanding from you.

Adolescence is in many ways similar for boys and girls, so in addition I recommend reading the article “Adolescence in boys - advice from a psychologist.” There you will also find additional recommendations for interacting with your young lady and references to literature.

Be who you want your child to be! After all, he will still copy the main features from you.

Literature on the topic

In parting, I want to recommend a couple of books.

1. Yu. P. Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?".
2. O. V. Kholodkovskaya, V. A. Pashnina “Difficult transitional age: Easy solution to complex problems.”

I advise you to read articles on the same topic: “Transitional age in girls - advice from a psychologist” and “Transitional age and crisis in adolescents - advice from a psychologist.”

Thank you for your attention. I wish you mutual understanding with your children! Listen and you will be heard.