What you need to know about passive aggression and how to deal with it?

Have you noticed how some people seem to behave civilly, but really irritate you and literally drive you crazy? You may be experiencing passive-aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, this is a common phenomenon in modern society. We'll tell you how to resist this and stay calm.

Passive aggression is a behavior in which a person holds back anger, but it still manifests itself covertly. For example, the interlocutor is angry with you, but does not want to “sort things out.” His anger can result in silence, bad mood, and “random” offensive jokes. When anger is constantly suppressed, its consequences are more destructive than in the case of open conflict. Both for the person himself and for those around him. Passive aggression may not be obvious, so you need to know the signs. In the article we will look at them in detail.

What is passive aggression?

In simple terms, this is a situation when the interlocutor does not seem to say or do anything wrong, but drives you to white heat. For example, he ignores, forgets about requests, says that everything is fine, but at the same time there is no face on him. It’s as if he specifically wants to piss him off. This is true. The interlocutor really “attacks” you, but does it in a veiled way. This is passive aggression.

It must be able to identify and neutralize it. This way you can reduce your stress level and not lose your composure in difficult situations. In particular, in negotiations with clients.

Sometimes you have to limit communication. For example, you can learn which people you shouldn’t let into your life in a free course in Netology on the basics of psychology.

Drug treatment of aggression

Treatment of uncontrollable outbursts of anger with medications is highly effective only when the negative behavior is a symptom of concomitant diseases, such as infections. Only in acute stages can tranquilizers, antidepressants, and atypical antipsychotics be prescribed.

In most cases, help for aggression is provided without the use of potent drugs. Conversations and appointments with a psychiatrist are held, the purpose of which is to consolidate an adequate model of behavior and teach the patient to control anger.

Why is passive aggression dangerous?

Passive aggression at work is very harmful. Decision making is inhibited. Good and constructive proposals do not find a response. An unfriendly atmosphere of gossip and behind-the-scenes games is being formed, in which everyone is uncomfortable.

TREATMENT OF AGGRESSION IS AVAILABLE AT BRANCHES:

Treatment of aggression (aggressive behavior) in the Primorsky region

Address: St. Petersburg , Primorsky district, st. Repisheva, 13

Treatment of aggression (aggressive behavior) in the Petrograd region

Address: St. Petersburg , Petrogradsky district, st. Lenina, 5

Treatment of aggression (aggressive behavior) in the Krasnogvardeysky district

Address: St. Petersburg , Krasnogvardeisky district, Novocherkassky pr., 33 building 3

Treatment of aggression (aggressive behavior) in Vsevolozhsk

Address: Vsevolozhsk , Oktyabrsky Prospekt, 96 A

Why do people behave this way?

There are several reasons for passive aggression:

• Conflicts are not encouraged by society. From childhood, parents teach children that shouting, swearing, or simply raising your voice is bad. You can't "start first." Growing up, a person does not allow himself to openly show anger.
• In general, few people like to openly conflict. This is unpleasant and requires a lot of emotional investment and self-confidence.
• Another common reason for passive aggression is the inability to emerge victorious from an open conflict. There are many such situations. Conversation with a leader who is not ready to accept alternative points of view. Communication with very conservative relatives. And other situations when showing emotions is unacceptable, but this does not make them disappear.
• Sometimes it's a way to get attention.

Cost of treating aggression:

Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

These situations (one or more) must arise systematically. Rare and isolated cases do not count.

• The person does not explain what he wants, what he is dissatisfied with. Expects the interlocutor to figure it out himself. Doesn't talk about his feelings and desires.
• He often gets offended, “sulks”, “does not talk.” Constant games of silence are a clear sign of passive aggression.
• In words he never refuses help, but in reality he often forgets about promises.
• He avoids open conflict and “showdown” with all his might.
• Tends to put pressure on pity and guilt.
• Abdicates responsibility and blames other people for problems.
• He is sarcastic, makes unpleasant jokes, and in response to indignation he declares that the interlocutor has no sense of humor.
• Can be gloomy without explanation.
• Shows incomprehensible stubbornness (as if he insists on his own with one goal - to piss off his interlocutor).
• Often dissatisfied with everything and everyone. Criticism is a typical example of passive aggression.
• Cares excessively and obsessively about others, “does good,” and interferes in other people’s affairs.
• It may be unsightly to act in secret (spread gossip and rumors, weave intrigues).
• At work: the manager does not clearly explain what needs to be done, and is always dissatisfied with the result of the work.

Medical center rules

1. absolute confidentiality. Unlike government agencies, we are not required to disclose information about our patients and their illnesses. Under no circumstances will third parties gain access to the patient's medical history without his consent;
2. no power. Treatment is carried out without the use of physical or other coercive methods of influence on the patient. Experienced staff and qualified doctors perform their work with utmost sensitivity and respect;
3. only modern treatment methods at the level of world standards and effective drugs.

Examples of words and phrases that are used

- What's happened? – Nothing (sighs sadly and turns away).

- What do you want? – I don’t need anything, I want everything to be fine with you (or – peace in the whole world, nothing, or silence in response).

– I was just joking, where is your sense of humor?

– I could (could) understand it myself.

– What a pale child you have, he probably doesn’t walk outside much. In general, all unsolicited and inappropriate advice is a classic example of passive aggression.

“Everything here is mine, nothing is yours.”

– This dress suits you so well, it makes you look slimmer!

“When you give birth, you’ll also get a short haircut, after pregnancy everyone’s hair thins.”

“You always know what’s best, so tell me what to do.”

- Turn down the TV, I'm going to bed. - Maybe I should leave altogether?

“I’ll come and do the cleaning for you, you don’t have time.” – Thank you, don’t worry, I’ll clean it up this weekend. – Are you going to sit in the dirt until the weekend? Wait tomorrow and take off the curtains in advance, I’ll wash the windows.

– But my friend’s son... Comparison with others (not in your favor) is a common example of passive aggression.

– I took second place in the project competition! - Why not the first? (Another answer: “You took the place, but why did you put on a sock with holes in it, and when are you going to take the dog for a walk?”)

- Oh, my cheeky one! (fat, thin, stupid, bald, etc.)

– Do as you see fit, it doesn’t matter to me.

“You’ll be completely lost without me.”

Such phrases always leave an unpleasant aftertaste, irritation, and a feeling of being “wrong” or guilty.

Different forms of manifestation for both men and women

When talking about attacks of aggressiveness, it is important to identify female and male aggression. In men, signs of aggressiveness begin to appear in attempts to control everyone and everything. In the early stages they can be touchy, but if they deviate from their opinion, they immediately use their hands, obscene language, and screams.

In women, an emotional outburst is usually accompanied by everyday problems. Psychologists note that powerlessness and the inability to correct the situation are frequent causes of aggressive impulses against others. Sometimes they can be caused by personal problems, sometimes by problems with money, illness, and more.

How to deal with passive aggression in others?

With loved ones:

• Say directly that you don’t like the behavior or statements. Be specific - say exactly what words and actions upset you. Use “I messages” (I feel bad that you..., I wish you would...) Talk only about what is happening at the moment, do not bring up old grievances.
• If a person does not make contact - refuses to talk about himself, in every possible way moves the conversation to another topic, simply remains silent, you may not continue the conversation. Calmly explain that you don’t want to communicate in this way because you don’t understand what your partner needs.
• It is important to respond appropriately to passive aggression. Keep calm. Don’t “attack”, don’t blame, but don’t make excuses yourself, as this will lead to a new round of conflict. Often, a passive aggressor suffers from low self-esteem. Disrespect and accusation will hit the patient, and the person will close down even more.
• Be direct and honest.
• It happens that a person secretly insults you, and then says that he was just joking, and you are exaggerating and do not understand jokes. In this case, answer that the interlocutor cannot “get into your shoes” and understand whether you are “overreacting” or not.
• Repel all attempts to shift responsibility for making decisions onto you. Let your loved one make their own choice and be aware of it. If you make a decision for a person, there is a high risk that he will remain dissatisfied and you will be to blame.
• Don't turn a blind eye to this behavior. If it manifests itself systematically, it is no longer an accident. And the intensity of passions will only increase.
• Often people don’t even know what passive aggression means, and they don’t realize that their behavior offends loved ones. If they value your relationship with you, they may listen to you and try to change their behavior.

At work:

• If a manager or client behaves this way, try to save face. Make a poker face. Don't attack or make excuses. But in general, it is difficult to work under the leadership of such people.
• If difficulties arise with a colleague, try to minimize interaction with him as much as possible.

Treatment of aggression in St. Petersburg

The medical clinic is one of the few in St. Petersburg that has everything necessary for the effective treatment of mental illness. At your service:

• comfortable hospital with experienced staff;
• all types of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, hypnosis, gestalt therapy);
• modern types of diagnostics (neurophysiological analysis of conceptual functions, ultrasound of the brain and neck vessels, test psychodiagnostics, electroencephalogram);
• if necessary, we have the right to prescribe all types of psychotropic medications, which ensures effective treatment (not all private clinics have the appropriate license);
• the conditions of a comfortable multidisciplinary clinic allow for a comprehensive examination and treatment of concomitant diseases;
• there are 40 psychiatrists and psychotherapists on staff, but in difficult cases the best specialists in the country are involved in consultations;
• clinics in three districts of the city (Primorsky, Central and Krasnogvardeysky). In addition, our new center provides treatment for aggression in Vsevolozhsk.

How to get rid of passive aggression in yourself?

• Learn to speak directly about your feelings, emotions, desires. Don't wait for someone to figure out what you want. To do this, you need to be aware of your experiences. In a passive-aggressive person, they are often blocked and not realized. Learn to listen to yourself.
• Don't accumulate dissatisfaction. If you don’t like something, immediately think about what you can do right now to change the situation.
• Let off steam regularly. Play sports, have a hobby, go for a walk, get some sleep - the activity after which you feel rested will do.
• Don't make assumptions for other people.
• Learn to quarrel (conflict) constructively. Give yourself the mindset that conflict is an opportunity to find a solution, a compromise. Calmly and clearly explain your position, avoiding value judgments.
• Try to negotiate with people more often and cooperate. Don't carry everything on yourself, but don't try to transfer all the load to your partner.

It is also worth understanding yourself. The Netology website has a free course on the basics of psychology. It helps you understand how to build relationships with other people, manage your life and achieve success. You can go through it via the Internet.

Passive aggression is very common, but if you know how to work with it, it ceases to be a problem.

Author: Valentina (KadrofID: 13) Added: 06/22/2021 at 16:42

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How to neutralize

To turn off a reptile's aggression, let it know that you are the scarier reptile. My back is straight, my voice is confident, a smile on my face, soft pressure:

-Good afternoon! My name is Ivan Petrov, I am preparing a report for the service quality control committee...

Next, draw your attention:

— I collect information on the effectiveness of companies in the tourism sector...

And then we ask leading questions and sell. The client turns off the reptilian defense and is ready to listen to your rational arguments.

Remember that this is quite a serious manipulation, which in the long run can undermine trust in you. But by the way, nothing prevents your company from creating a service quality control committee and drawing up a report for it.

FROM THE EDITOR

I notice enough passive aggression in myself to fill two healthy Americans. Perhaps this is a Russian national trait - to endure and mock. I hope not.

However, we are not alone here. If you speak English, check out the hilarious blog Passive Aggressive Notes - evidence of the repressed anger of creative, lonely and very passive-aggressive people.

How can you express your feelings in an environmentally friendly manner without offending anyone?

This question can be reformulated: not how can I throw out accumulated emotions, but how can I generally live in such a way that it is joyful, resourceful and happy. What can be done for this?

The first is to look at your role in different systems. We often experience a feeling of heaviness and irritation when we confuse our roles. For example, when we take on the role of a mother in our relationship with our parents, we teach them how to live correctly and give them some advice. In a relationship with my husband, when we behave not like a spouse, but like a capricious girl, we say how tired we are and how bad everything is. Your man did not want to marry a capricious little girl, so at this stage the relationship deteriorates: the male initiative and sexual relations disappear. Or when at work we violate deadlines, do not work for the benefit of the company, do not value our place - and as a result we begin to receive fines from the system.

Photo: Pexels.com

And when all this accumulates, the question is - what should I do to express this in an environmentally friendly way? – it’s no longer worth it. You can go out into the forest and scream if it helps. But tomorrow you will start doing the same thing, and you will feel bad again. Therefore, you need to look at the whole: how to live happily, in balance, how to be in your place in each system.

From simple recommendations, it is always to work with self-love, acceptance of your family, your parents and self-worth. These are three whales on which a man floats. And then he will no longer have questions about how to throw out emotions, he will have a question - how to increase it, how to give more, what to do with the accumulated love, what else can I do for my partner, loved one, work and for clients. And such a world is already much more interesting.

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