Meaning of the word SHY. What is SHY?

• Definition
• Causes of timidity
• Congenital timidity
• Behaviorism
• Psychoanalytic theory
• Version by A. Adler
• Causal factors
• Rejection
• Overprotection
• An idol in the family or an anxious-suspicious type of upbringing
• Ways to overcome shyness
• Rules for overcoming
• Methods of famous people

A person who gets lost in difficult situations is called timid or shy. Such people withdraw into their own feelings and problems, fearing the ridicule of others. Psychologists assure that this character trait can be overcome, but it takes time. And examples from the lives of famous people confirm that the problem can be solved.

What is shyness?

Shyness is a feeling of awkwardness in the presence of people, difficulty in getting close to them or even in carrying out routine conversations. It often arises due to lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, inability to build a dialogue and behave correctly. Shyness makes you withdraw into yourself and become very fixated on your experiences, feelings, and emotions. Therefore, thinking is clouded. A feeling of anxiety and loneliness develops. Often this mental condition can be accompanied by depressive disorders.

Consequences

Shyness can lead to loneliness

It is necessary to understand the consequences of timidity:

• failure to demonstrate oneself properly;
• inability to get what you want, for example, a salary increase;
• inability to make further development due to the fact that there is a strong fear of condemnation from others;
• lack of career growth;
• loneliness as a result of difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex;
• allowing oneself to be pushed around due to the fear of rejection. Thus, a timid individual can do work for others, borrow money, even knowing that it will not be returned to him, and with timidity it will be extremely difficult to demand it back.

Theories of shyness

There are five known versions of the origin of shyness.

Theories of the origin of shyness:

1. The theory of innate shyness. Its adherents are convinced that shyness, like mental abilities, is inherited. Psychologist R. Cattell developed a scale to determine the degree of shyness, in which he contrasted two character traits - self-confidence and timidity. In the course of the multifactor personality analysis proposed by him, the individual gets the result of how shy he is. The imperfection of this version is that researchers of human personality characteristics are confident that it is impossible to change the increased sensitivity of the nervous system to stressful situations. They are pessimistic and consider prudes to be people with an inferiority complex.
2. The theory of behaviorism. Behavioral psychologists consider shyness to be the result of a lack of correct communication skills, an individual’s instilling in himself of self-confidence in his inadequacy, and inability to communicate. Behaviorists propose to combat manifestations of isolation with educational measures.
3. Psychoanalytic theory. Psychoanalysts base their judgments on the pathology of shyness, social phobia, which in reality requires treatment. In their opinion, shyness is an external manifestation of an internal unconscious conflict.
4. Concept by A. Adler. Being a supporter of individual psychology, Adler first introduced the concept of “inferiority complex.” He was sure that in childhood all children are shy for a number of reasons: physical inferiority, lack of attention from adults, rejection. It depends on what position in life they choose whether they will remain insecure for the rest of their days.
5. Causal factors. Modern psychologists increasingly associate the appearance of shyness with the high reactivity of children. Kids instinctively protect themselves from psychological and physical overload by choosing one of two behavior options. Some children are drawn into confrontation and grow into self-confident individuals. Others avoid conflicts, communication, situations, developing shyness in themselves.

Representatives of different psychological trends identified various reasons for the emergence of isolation, but agreed on one thing: unsociability prevents a person from living fully, making new acquaintances, and communicating with others at work and at home.

Beware of the shy ones - they rule the world. (Yves Saint Laurent)

Existing reasons

The reasons for shyness lie in the stages of growing up:

• childhood mental trauma;
• adolescence;
• fears of adulthood.

At each stage you have to go through certain tests related to adaptation in society. Childhood is the most important period of personality formation, understanding and highlighting one’s “I,” and establishing one’s authority among peers and adults. A small child during preschool age has the right to be shy without going beyond boundaries. The reasons for fear of society in childhood can be the following factors:

• frequent quarrels between parents;
• strict punishments and prohibitions;
• lack of communication with peers;
• development of a sense of shame;
• the inability to correctly express one’s thoughts often becomes a cause of embarrassment; the child is afraid of being misunderstood again and withdraws into himself;
• parents do not take their child seriously, which provokes restrictions on his ambitions and ideas;
• Shyness is often caused by parents’ lack of faith in their children and the repetition of phrases: “You won’t succeed anyway,” “You’re incapable.” This leads to a personality disorder, subsequently causing him to become quiet, modest and shy.

The teenage period of maturation can also cause the development of timidity. Teenagers are the most dependent on the opinions of others; they commit rash acts towards each other. The reason for shyness may be a reluctance to communicate with peers, cutting jokes, or bullying. Even one careless phrase can change perception.

Shy person in adulthood:

1. He is afraid of appearing tactless if he needs to ask for help or do some action that disturbs the peace of others.
2. Afraid to take responsibility. It’s better to remain silent and leave everything to other people than to get down to business.
3. They don't want to develop. It is easier for such people to say that they are too modest than to do more for their development.

How does a shy person behave?

Let's look at a generalized portrait of a shy person from the point of view of her behavior and internal feelings.

Characteristic behavior:

• silence;
• inability to start a conversation first;
• short, embarrassed answers;
• avoiding eye contact;
• quiet voice;
• hesitations in words;
• difficulties in constructing sentences;
• stiff and awkward movements.

Inner feeling of a person:

• embarrassment;
• fear of public opinion;
• desire to withdraw;
• uncertainty and low self-esteem;
• self-flagellation for mistakes and failures in conversations.

The state of shyness is accompanied by specific physiological reactions:

• hand tremors;
• rapid pulse;
• feeling of anxiety, tightness in the chest;
• dry mouth;
• facial redness;
• active sweating.

Some people experience abdominal pain and flatulence, which makes them even more embarrassed and uncomfortable.

If you often suffer from these symptoms, then learn calming practices. We talked about them in the article “How to calm down and stop being nervous.”

Characteristic manifestations

A timid baby will rarely smile, and it will be difficult for him to get used to people. Such a child will be passive, will experience difficulties, and will find it very difficult for him to leave his comfort zone. Along with timidity in children, as a rule, there is awkwardness, embarrassment, and sometimes physical weakness.

Shyness may be characterized by the following signs:

• looking away when making eye contact;
• communicating with hands folded in front of you (closed pose);
• presence of social phobia;
• fear of being judged;
• ignoring events where there are a lot of people.

A timid person in a situation that will throw him off balance may experience the following symptoms:

• redness of the cheeks;
• chills;
• trembling in hands;
• dizziness;
• profuse sweating;
• tachycardia.

Signs

Various manifestations of shyness are usually visible to the naked eye. Such a person easily stands out in the crowd. If you talk to him, this character trait will become even more obvious in communication.

Behavior:

• looks lost;
• does not carry on conversation;
• reluctantly, but fulfills requests (brings water to guests, takes a certain place at the table, passes on instructions to others) because he does not know how to say “no”;
• answers questions in monosyllables and reluctantly;
• always trying to leave;
• smiles tightly;
• speaks quietly and indistinctly;
• silently agrees with everyone without expressing his opinion;
• performs any monotonous movement (tugging at hair or a scarf);
• looks to the side or down.

Internal state:

• diffidence;
• low self-esteem;
• fear of failure, betrayal, humiliation, ridicule;
• constant expectation of a catch, which forces you to stay as tense as possible;
• anxiety, worry, excitement (all groundless);
• the constant voice of the internal critic in the head (“I said the wrong thing,” “I did the wrong thing,” “I looked at it wrong,” etc.);
• indecisiveness, timidity, shyness;
• pessimism.

Physical sensations:

• sticky cold sweat;
• a burning, unhealthy blush on the cheeks against the background of the pallor of the rest of the skin;
• increased heart rate;
• dizziness;
• heaviness in the legs;
• knocking in the temples;
• slight trembling of fingers.

Shyness only manifests itself in certain situations. For example, when there is a large crowd of people, when meeting a stranger, when speaking in public (this includes working at the blackboard in the classroom), when receiving criticism and comments from the outside. However, in a familiar circle (with parents, a loved one) it may be completely unnoticeable.

The stronger the physical signs of shyness manifest themselves, the worse the situation. In such cases, it is a borderline condition and in many ways resembles autism. Over time, it can cause the development of various phobias: logophobia (fear of speaking), haptophobia (touching), gelotophobia (ridicule), genophobia (sex), ochlophobia (crowds), peiraphobia (public speaking), social phobia (society).

Control measures

You can overcome shyness with the help of self-control and cultivating your personality. First of all, you should think of yourself as an independent person. Try not to pay attention to other people’s opinions, which depress your potential and prevent you from moving towards your goal. To successfully fight for your independence from other people’s opinions, you should:

• imagine the scales, put your goal and someone else’s opinion on their side, consider all the pros and cons of your undertaking;
• think about why the opinions of others are so important to you, remember that even the best and most successful people are subject to harsh criticism from others;
• do not be afraid to be misunderstood: those who do not take risks will never win;
• all comments addressed to you should not be taken seriously, love yourself;
• exclude from your environment people who control your actions, imposing their point of view: make it clear that you are tired of orders.

To overcome shyness, you should communicate with people. There is no need to intrude and bother strangers, just try to carry on a conversation while standing in line or ask a stranger about a new film. The main thing is that the topic of conversation is relevant and interesting.

Auto-training classes, the goal of which is relaxation and self-acceptance, help. Every evening before going to bed and in the morning after waking up, do the following training:

• go to the mirror;
• smile at your reflection;
• tell yourself: “I am the smartest, most sociable and beautiful. I don’t care about other people’s opinions, I will do as I want and no one will stop me.”

The effectiveness of the training will be noticeable after a few days. This attitude will help you become more confident and overcome modesty and shyness.

Rules for overcoming

1. Greeting others first is a basic rule to overcome shyness. You should exhale, calm down and raise your head, thereby showing the whole world that self-esteem is at its best.
2. Looking directly into the eyes shows the interlocutor that this is a confident person who is worthy of his attention and respect. To feel freer in an unfamiliar company, you should practice at home, with loved ones. When going to a new company, you can prepare topics for conversation, speak them in front of the mirror, working on your speech so that it sounds clear.
3. You should carefully choose your wardrobe, and for girls, make-up and jewelry.
4. If the conversation reaches a dead end, the questioning method helps, i.e. you should actively ask about something, showing your interest in the topic.
5. You should not be nervous before the meeting; auto-training will help with this. You should breathe freely, remind yourself of your own importance and confidence. Light fantasy and dreams, presented as reality during a conversation, will add a special charm to the meeting.

Awareness of your importance will help you get rid of unnecessary complexes and drive away feelings of shyness and self-doubt, which will happen over time.

Methods of famous people

1. The famous physicist Lev Landau was hindered by his own shyness. He thought that those around him were laughing at him. To get rid of the phobia, he decided to meet his fears halfway: he deliberately dressed ridiculously and went for a walk in order to stop being afraid of the opinions of others.
2. Mahatma Gandhi was very shy about public speaking. The lawyer could not control himself in public; his words seemed to stick to his tongue. After moving to South Africa, he saw many people in need of his help who came to him every day. Gandhi tried to help everyone, and gradually he developed a sense of usefulness for others. This gave him confidence and eliminated his shyness.
3. Gloria Estefan was an insecure and shy person. Her husband instilled in her self-confidence and helped her overcome her shyness and fear of public speaking. This is a method of the so-called support group, which pushes towards the right decision and action. Picasso's talisman and inspiration was his mother. She admired his works, while others criticized him.
4. Stephen King's method says that you shouldn't give yourself time to doubt. You can’t dwell on the past and constantly doubt the future. In alarming situations, you should pull yourself together and, after thinking and calming down, make a decision and act, no longer looking back or thinking about what could have been different.
5. Eleanor Roosevelt thought not about herself, but about others, in order to overcome her main shortcoming - shyness. She made empathy her strongest character trait (she supported black women around the world in their struggle for equal rights) and became the favorite of all Americans. Her sensitivity transformed into altruism.

What kind of girls do older men like?

Since their youth has already passed, this is what will attract him in a girl

The younger and more beautiful you look, the more he wants to capture your attention.

What kind of girls are there and what do grown men like about them:

You can understand that an adult man likes you if you have intuition and notice little things. He will definitely try to “touch” you (touch your shoulder, straighten your hair, take your hand). Your body is a real temptation for him!

You can learn how to understand how a man feels about you from this article.

An adult man will surround you with his attention and will seek a date. Fulfilling your little whims is a joy for him

Just don't overdo it. Because grown guys don't like dependent girls.

By the way, most older boyfriends do not like to “play games,” so they speak about their intentions almost immediately.