Have you ever been told that you are great to talk to? Communication requires the presence of at least two people. It's an interaction anyway. And wherever you are: at home, at work, on the street, on public transport - everywhere you are surrounded by people with whom you will come into mutual contact. And communication will be effective when both you and your interlocutor receive back everything that you spent in the communication process.
For example, you spend your energy, time, strength, emotions, resources, and in return you also receive even more energy, positive emotions, even some kind of material result, help, etc. And in the same way, your interlocutor receives results from communicating with you, that is, in the end, the communication was effective for both of you.
In this article:
What is the difference between effective and ineffective communication Technologies of effective communication - what are they What is important for effective communication Ineffective communication techniques A very important rule in communication “Three Twenty” 8 powerful techniques for effective communication
Express your attitude
Sometimes being effective in an important conversation is hindered by a person’s inability to conduct it correctly. Communicating is not only exchanging words and general phrases, but also expressing your attitude to the subject or topic of conversation. If a person does this, then he gives the impression of awareness and understanding of the topic of conversation.
Expressing an attitude means being able to correctly and competently tell your opponent what you personally think about this matter, instead of using vague characteristics of other people’s opinions. It also means talking about your own experiences. The expression of the attitude must be supported by conclusions that are understandable and logical.
Development of communication skills
Today, all our acquaintances, friends and colleagues can easily be placed in a small contact window; dialogues, business and intimate conversations take the form of chats, and emotions are expressed with colorful emoticons. And at the same time, for us, and especially for the younger generation, the problem of socialization is becoming increasingly relevant, and more specifically, the problem of developing communication skills, i.e. developing communication skills - real interaction with other people. If a person does not know how to communicate, he will encounter many problems and difficulties along his path, both in his personal life and in the professional sphere. But this can be avoided, and this is exactly what we are talking about in this article. Read more…
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Examples
- Effective communication in conflict. Returning from the army to his parents' house, the son spent the day surrounded by relatives, after which in the evening he got ready to visit close friends. Looking around at the mirror, he heard his father’s demanding voice: “You must be home at 10 pm.” Without stopping what he was doing, the son calmly said: “Forget it, dad. This is already in the past." Conciseness, confidence and calmness in this case were the best way out of a brewing conflict situation, since these are the qualities that are inherent in a mature, independent man.
- Effective communication with children. A very indicative scene from the movie “Gentlemen of Fortune”, when the teacher addresses children who do not want to have breakfast: “Children, breakfast is canceled for today, because we are flying on a rocket to Mars, so take the space spoons in your hands and have a good meal, because We’ll only be back on Earth around lunchtime.”
Adjusting to the children's wishes and subsequent rejection of persuasion, which children are prejudiced against, allowed them to switch their attention and look at the situation from a different perspective.
Assertive influence
Assertive influence is one of the basic communication skills in a team or with outside interlocutors. The assertive style involves effectively presenting oneself in dialogue, defending one's own point of view while maintaining respect for the points of view and beliefs of others. Assertive behavior also helps to increase one’s own self-esteem to an adequate level, which will undoubtedly increase the respect of others. Such communication skills help you confidently say “No” in situations where the interlocutor is abusing human or friendly affection. Assertiveness is the key to reducing stress. We invite you to learn more about it. Read more…
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Rules for successful communication
The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the most effective basic communication techniques and rules that will help introverted and shy people become excellent conversationalists. These rules remain relevant to this day.
- Genuinely showing interest in other people. Often we find it more pleasant to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to your interlocutor. But don't turn the conversation into an interrogation with bias. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you must experience genuine interest in your interlocutor.
- Smile. A person who smiles evokes positive feelings in us. Even if we don’t know him personally. During a conversation, your smile is proof that the interlocutor is pleasant to you and you like talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but also with your eyes, soul, and heart.
- Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always address others by their first and middle names if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his originality and uniqueness. This is the simplest compliment you can give someone. Just call him by name.
- Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often they simply wait for their turn to speak and do not try to listen and understand what they are told. Especially during an argument. If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use phrases that he said earlier during the conversation, then you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing your interlocutor is much more important than speaking.
- Interesting topics for conversation. Talk about topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and finding out about them is quite easy and simple, using rule No. 1 - showing sincere interest. When a person talks about something exciting, his eyes light up. Even if this topic does not seem particularly interesting to you, still try to listen. Surely you can learn something valuable and interesting for yourself.
- Compliments. Each of us has unique characteristics that are worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in your interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, and praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falseness always feels good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.
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Sometimes in our lives it happens that we cannot find a common language with someone or find ourselves in a situation where we are embarrassed to ask another person about something.
Almost all people on Earth find themselves in situations where they experience difficulties in communicating. To overcome such a psychological barrier, it is worth mastering the most effective methods of communication.
Most often, friendly communication is hampered by such factors as: lack of confidence in oneself, one’s words or actions, self-absorption in one’s problems, categoricalness, bad mood, self-confidence and banality.
✔ Uncertainty most often gets in the way between interlocutors . Discomfort, lack of correct words, unclear speech - these are signs of psychological uncertainty. If this excessively interferes with a person’s life, career growth, etc., then there is only one way out - turning to a professional psychologist for help.
✔ Self-absorption into one’s own problems repels the interlocutor, because everyone is interested in talking about their own, and not interested in hearing about other people’s problems. Therefore, when choosing topics for conversation, you need to carefully avoid those issues that interest only you. It is better to prepare topics that are interesting to your interlocutor - this way you will be known as an attentive person.
✔ Categoricality is not the best friend in dialogues. Intransigence and rigidity of views, rejection of someone else’s point of view repel the interlocutor. This is acceptable in isolated cases when it is impossible to prove your point of view on some important issue without being categorical. In all other cases, you should be flexible and allow your interlocutor to defend his opinion.
✔ Few people can control their mood , so it is best to admit to your interlocutor that you are not in the best mood. This way you will generate sympathy and condescension.
✔ Self-confidence is similar to swagger. It is worth considering that all people are different, with different education, level of knowledge and worldview, so if you want to be known as an interesting conversationalist, then you need to be loyal to those with whom you communicate.
✔ Trivial topics for conversation evoke one desire - to end the conversation as soon as possible. The conversation should be interesting from beginning to end, the phrase “How are you?” and the answer “Everything is fine” does not provide an opportunity to continue the conversation. It is better to ask the person about his specific plans.
It is important to show your friendly mood when talking - smile, say some kind of compliment, etc. This will win over your interlocutor faster and more accurately than a stream of stock phrases.
♦ Here are techniques with which you can improve relationships with others
1. If the interlocutor’s answer does not suit you - for example, he did not say something, expressed himself unclearly, or lied - there is no need to ask again. Instead, just silently and carefully look into his eyes - this technique simply will not leave him a chance, and he will be forced to continue his thought.
2. If someone is yelling at you, make an effort to remain completely calm and remain calm . The screamer's first reaction is anger, which your behavior will only provoke, but it will subside very quickly, and reaction number two will begin - a feeling of guilt for your defiant and aggressive behavior. Most likely, it will be the screaming one who will ask for forgiveness.
3. If everyone in the company starts laughing at once , then everyone, at the level of instinct, looks at the one who is most attractive to him, with whom he would like to become closer. Therefore, catch your eyes after a successful joke - you will learn a lot of new things.
4. If you know that you will hear criticism from a person (they will make comments or scold), take courage and try to sit or stand next to him - in this case he will soften, and there will be much less negativity coming from him than if you were at a distance.
5. A person associates eating with peace and security, because we do it most often at home, within our own walls. That is why, if you are very worried, chew gum : it will trick your brain into thinking that you are eating, which means you will feel more confident and calm.
6. An old and proven method used by many students during the exam is to imagine that the teacher is your good and close friend , then it will be much easier to answer, and you will feel calmer. This technique is also effective in other situations. For example, it can be used before an important interview.
7. When meeting a person, express a little more joy towards him : for example, smile sincerely or try to say his name softly and warmly, then over time you will begin to treat him much better, and the joy from the meeting will be sincere.
8. If your work involves people, then you can “force” them to behave more politely and gently : place a mirror behind you so that your interlocutors can see their reflection. As a rule, we always try to look better in the mirror, we smile, but we don’t want to see ourselves as evil and harmful.
9. To win over a person at the first meeting and gain his sympathy , simply determine his eye color at the time of meeting: eye contact is attractive.
10. If you want to attract the attention of a person you like , look closely at the object located directly behind his shoulders. As soon as you realize that you have caught the eye of the object of sympathy on you, quickly look into his eyes and smile slightly - it works flawlessly.
11. In fact, we can control our stress : when you are very worried, feel how you begin to breathe deeper, how your heart beats faster, and try to force yourself to breathe calmer and balance the beat. We really can do this.
12. When setting any requirements or conditions, initially raise the bar . Most likely, the person will not agree to this and will refuse. But on the other hand, he will agree one hundred percent to the real conditions that you offer later: people are inclined to give you less if they previously refused you something more.
13. People are drawn to those who are confident in themselves and their actions , so just show that you know exactly what you are talking about (even if this is not entirely true).
Many people believe that the essence of human communication is only the exchange of information. But it is not so.
The essence of human communication is what kind of feedback (at the level of feelings, emotions) you give in response. What tone and intonation do you use to express your feelings? It could be surprise, calm, sadness, joy, delight, etc.
♦ What is it desirable to know about the principles of communication with other people?
First, during communication you should not feel guilty. Psychologists have discovered that behind the feeling of guilt is the fear of punishment. If you experience fear of punishment, you thereby “open the door” to a person who treats you unkindly. Guilt has a destructive effect on your self-esteem .
Secondly, you should not react to your interlocutor’s anger or irritation with fear or anxiety. It is advisable to learn to defend your psychological boundaries calmly.
Third, there is no need to make excuses, clarify, or explain anything when they find fault with you. It makes more sense to answer kindly and calmly, but formulate the response phrase only in the form of an open question. An open-ended question begins with the words “What? Where? When? Where? What exactly? How exactly? For what purpose?". For example, “What exactly surprises you? "; “What’s wrong?”... When they express complaints or wishes to you, you can say, “I’ll think about what can be done.” With this phrase, you do not allow your interlocutor to associate work with your personality. If you failed to do your job somewhere, this is not a reason to devalue you as a person.
Fourth, it is advisable to learn to speak, at least in a calm tone . Aggressive, hostile speech, full of hatred and resentment makes an unpleasant impression on others. Kindness and the ability to get along with other people are signs of mental well-being.
Our facial expressions are closely related to emotions: we raise our eyebrows when we are moved, we squint our eyes when we cry. And, on the contrary, facial expressions affect the internal state: if right now we make a grimace similar to the one that appears on the face when crying, most likely, tears will begin to roll in on their own ☻.
Use this feature to your advantage: smile! Smile just like that, for no reason, and after just a few seconds this smile will become real and sincere! Based on materials from www.adme.ru, www.psyline.ru, www.vitamarg.com
See also:
How to “come out with honor” from difficult situations
What makes you put off your intentions?
Loser is not about us! 7 reasons to increase your personal effectiveness
Criticism is not the end of the world
Many people in the first stages of mastering the skill of effective communication are afraid of criticism from others. This doesn't make any sense. Competent, objective criticism can help you see mistakes and weaknesses that you yourself would never have noticed. Hateful criticism, said only to hurt you, is not worth your attention. Do not react to such statements under any circumstances, and do not rush to prove something to such an interlocutor. Your peace of mind will look much more dignified. When choosing how to respond to the words or actions of others, pay attention to those that suggest calm and a positive message.
Let's learn to speak or communication theory in practice
Many people (and quite possibly you too) associate the word “theory” with something boring and uninteresting. However, if you add something more amusing and exciting to this word, for example, “communications,” you get something interesting. In addition, if we confidently declare that the correct use of knowledge from communication theory will lead you to the best result in any activity, achieving goals, as well as the ability to manage people, you will definitely stop at this article. So, make yourself comfortable and supplement your knowledge with various useful and interesting things on the topic of communication. Read more…
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Verbal skills are not the only challenge of effective communication
Words and well-delivered speech are very good. But, unfortunately, this is only half the success. To fully solve the formula for effective communication, you will also have to master the secrets of sign language. What do we mean? Let's say imagine the situation. You return from vacation, and a colleague tells you:
- How glad I am that you are back?
But at these words, the colleague purses his lips, he sits with his arms crossed over his chest. He's hardly speaking sincerely, is he?
Read also: What is a VPN on an Android phone
Here are some universal ways of nonverbal communication:
- if a person makes eye contact, he is more likely to be ready for confidential communication.
- If a person speaks fluently, then most likely he is excited about something. The quieter a person speaks, the more insecure he feels.
- Constant swallowing indicates that the interlocutor’s mouth is dry. Most likely, the person is afraid of something.
Learn people's nonverbal cues: This will greatly improve your ability to communicate effectively.
The importance of communication
Communication is of great importance in the formation of the human psyche, its development and the formation of intellectual and cultural behavior. Thanks to communication with psychologically developed people, thanks to wide learning opportunities, a person acquires increasingly higher cognitive abilities and qualities. Through active communication with people with developed personalities, he becomes a personality.
If a person were deprived of the opportunity to communicate with people from birth, then he would never become a civilized, culturally and morally developed citizen and would be doomed to remain a half-animal until the end of his life, similar to a person only in appearance, anatomically and physiologically. This is evidenced by numerous facts described in the literature, which show that a person, even being completely preserved as an organism, remains a biological being in his mental development, being deprived of communication with his equals. An example is the condition of people who from time to time live among animals and for a long time, especially in childhood, in isolation from civilized people, or who, as adults, as a result of an accident (for example, after a shipwreck) were isolated for a long time from kind.
Interaction with adults is especially important for the mental development of a child in the early stages of ontogenesis. During this period, he acquires all his human, mental and behavioral qualities almost exclusively through communication, because before the start of his school years, and even more so before the onset of adolescence, he lacks the ability for self-education and self-education.
The mental development of a child begins with communication. This is the first type of social activity that occurs in ontogenesis and through which the child receives the information necessary for his individual development. As for object activity, which also serves as a state and means of mental development, it appears much later - in the second and third years of life.
Through communication, first through direct imitation (vicarious learning) and then through verbal instructions (verbal learning), the child acquires basic life experience. The people with whom he communicates are the bearers of this experience for the child, and in no case other than communicating with them can he acquire this experience. The intensity of communication, the diversity of its content, goals and means are the most important factors determining the development of a child.
The role of barriers in effective communication and how to overcome them
Communication barriers prevent our messages from reaching the other person's mind or distort them so that they lose their original meaning and message. There are many barriers that can impede effective communication, including physical (distance, noise, etc.), physiological (hearing or speech impairment), sociocultural (cultural differences), semantic (signs and symbols) or, in fact, linguistic.
Other factors that can act as barriers include environment, stress, context, interference, emotional imbalance, lack of interest or focus, inconsistent body language, etc.
Obstacles to effective communication can be overcome through the right means—using shorter sentences, better organizing your message before sending it, training, being empathetic and mindful, avoiding prejudice, information noise, etc.
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
Are you familiar with the concept of nonviolent communication or perhaps apply it in life? This concept was developed by Marshall Rosenberg and described in detail in his book “The Language of Life. Nonviolent Communication." This type of communication focuses on a person's true needs and seeks ways to satisfy them. Thus, mastering the skill of nonviolent communication implies retuning to the language of emotional needs and feelings. This means a transition to a more conscious and responsible manner of thinking and building your communications. Read more…
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Psychology of dealing with arrogant people
In life we meet different people, and we must be ready for any communication. Often on our path in life we encounter insolent people - these are people who behave shamelessly and arrogantly in order to achieve their own goals and benefits. They don't take anyone's opinion into account, don't care about other people's feelings, and believe that they are always right.
You can behave differently with arrogant people. For example, respond to rudeness with rudeness, ignore, manipulate, put in place. It all depends on the situation and who is in front of you. Being rude to your boss will be fraught with danger, for example.
- The first thing you need to do is not be afraid to say no. You need to be tough and not fall for any persuasion or manipulation. If you don't understand the refusal, start ignoring it.
- Try not to stoop to the level of insolence, no matter how much you want to be rude. This way you will be involved in his dirty game and are unlikely to be able to verbally defeat a born boor.
- The main goal of an insolent person is to throw you off balance and force you to do what he wants. So try to remain patient and calm. Drive him crazy with your calmness and let him go looking for another victim.
- Never allow anyone to violate your personal boundaries and mind their own business. You have every right to protect your personal space.
You must understand that all methods of effective communication are based on understanding yourself and your interlocutor. You must learn to understand people, understand who you are dealing with. In any case, respect, acceptance and awareness of the value of each person are the basis of successful communication.
Techniques of psychological influence
Arrogant man
You can make someone feel uncomfortable if you look at their hairline while talking.
This trick will help put your interlocutor in his place when necessary.
Sympathy
When you are in a group of people and someone tells a joke, watch who is looking at whom. In such a situation, we tend to instinctively look at the person. whichever we are closest to or like.
Ask for a favor
Do you want the person to like you more? Ask him to do something for you. It is known that the people you provide a service to like you more.
This works because the brain tries to rationalize: since the person did you a favor, he likes you.
Call me by another name
Do you want a person to treat you a certain way? You can help this happen by naming it a certain way.
For example, if you want a person to be friendly with you, call him by a name that he likes. If you want a purely professional relationship between you, you can call the person by his title.
Don't correct people
When a person is wrong, remain silent. It usually doesn't matter, and by correcting it you create an atmosphere of negativity and a bad impression. But if the situation requires you to speak up, start questioning them about their response.
remember me
Our memories are fickle. We tend to remember the beginning and end of something, while the middle remains blurry.
Try not to be in the middle to make an impression. When you meet a new person, be the first or the last. The same can be applied to interviews.
If you're going on a date, try to choose the beginning or end of the day. And when on a date, try to make an impression at the beginning or end of the date.
Make you believe
If you want a person to believe you when you're lying, try to add as many details as possible.
Disagreement
Research has shown that when the other person disagrees with you, you need to speak faster so that the person has less time to process what you say.
How to obtain consent
People who experience fear and then a sense of relief tend to then respond positively to requests. For example, people who heard an invisible police officer whistle while crossing the street were more likely to respond to a survey than those who heard nothing.
Profitable proposition
During negotiations, focus on your interlocutor and what he will get after he closes the deal. For example, if you want to sell a car, you might say "I'm giving you our car for $10,000" instead of "I want $10,000 for this car."
