Greetings, friends!
Friendship is a special relationship between people based on mutual understanding, honesty and trust. Having at least one true friend is one of the most important components of a happy and successful life. Each of us has our own understanding of what friendship is and when it can be considered real. People often call friends all the friends with whom they spend a lot of time, periodically go somewhere on vacation or visit them. But true friendship is much more than just friendly relations. Let's find out.
What is friendship
There is a classic definition of friendship, according to which friendship is a selfless relationship between people that is based on common interests, values, hobbies, as well as mutual respect and mutual assistance.
You can find out this without me from dictionaries and encyclopedias. But if we talk about friendship as the cause of possible [and often inevitable] problems that can arise between people, then I would give this concept a slightly different definition. In my opinion, friendship is a person’s certain expectations from those whom he considers his friends. That is, unlike, say, just acquaintances or work colleagues, a friend is perceived by many people as a person who owes them something. Well, of course, they also owe him something. Friendship can be compared to a partnership, only without clearly defined conditions and rules. Friends seem to do everything voluntarily for each other, without counting who did more or less for whom. For mercantile people who love to use others for their own purposes, friendship is very convenient, because they can always calculate its benefits for themselves. And some people don’t even really understand why and why they are friends with someone, but the need for close people who are at least somewhat interested and necessary in you forces them to stick with their friends, even if they are not entirely decent and honest.
Thus, in relation to many situations, I can say that friendship allows people to receive from each other something valuable and necessary completely free of charge, without any clear and precise conditions and mutual obligations. If a stranger needs to pay for certain services or give something in return, then you can get the same thing from friends without any payment or exchange, simply by asking them to help. They can also ask for something later, but they can react to this in different ways, including with a justified refusal, because all obligations between friends are voluntary. So we can say that the essence of friendship is to pursue our selfish interests through such unspecified cooperation with other people whom we call our friends. Often this selfish component of friendship is not even realized by many. People convince themselves and others that they are friends with someone not at all because of their selfish interests, but because they like the person, because they have a lot in common, and so on. In general, as a rule, friendship is given a noble appearance, without any “you to me, I to you.” However, I and others have noticed that there are always more people who want to be friends with rich and powerful people than with the poor, stupid and sick, from whom there is nothing to take.
What is friendship
The definition of “what friendship is” has been known to us since childhood.
This is a special relationship between people based on common interests and hobbies, mutual sympathy and respect. In such relationships, the character, personal characteristics and moral qualities of a person, his principles and life ideals are revealed. What is friendship like? Real true friendship is mutual understanding, honesty and trust, mutual assistance. Friendship is when it is comfortable to be together, when people have common views on life, a common worldview. But true friendship in a person’s life, unfortunately, does not occur very often. Moreover, it is not influenced by people’s habits, their temperaments, or characters. The following arguments will help to identify true friendship:
- True friendship endures tests of strength with dignity, is known in trouble and in joy. In difficult life situations, true friends are always ready to support each other. For this they will spare no time, no effort, no money. Sincere joy for a friend's success is also an indicator of a friendly relationship. Francis Bacon said this beautifully: “True friendship multiplies joy by two and divides sorrow in half.”
- True friendship knows how to forgive. Everyone is prone to making mistakes. We do not always make the right decisions and act as common sense dictates. In a fit of negative emotions, people hurt even those closest to them with their harsh words. But those who are truly friends will be able to forgive all insults.
- Sincere friendship cannot be interrupted by external reasons. She cannot be prevented by the gossip of envious people, the negative opinion of relatives about a friend, a change of profession or even place of residence. Moreover, now there are many ways and opportunities for communication.
But friendship can also be false. If we spend a lot of time communicating with a person, this does not mean that he is our friend. Emotional tension in the communication process, skepticism towards you, criticism of most of your actions, low assessment of your successes should alert you and make you think about whether it is worth continuing such a relationship.
Why is friendship needed?
In fact, it is enough to define what true friendship means. To find the answer to this question, you must not forget about the other concepts on which it is built. This is mutual respect, altruism, willingness to be needed and useful.
Why does this happen: people seem to be doing everything possible to maintain true friendship, but there is a gap? Communication is not going well, do you want to end the conversation as quickly as possible? This arises due to the presence of differences in development and values. A true friend is, first of all, an ally in life, with whom you want to grow and overcome obstacles.
In the world of entrepreneurship and spiritual development, there is a so-called “formula for success.” Let's look at what determines a person's effectiveness.
- Firstly, this is knowledge, the influence of which on the final result is 10%.
- Secondly, thinking, it makes up 10% of success.
- Thirdly - the most important thing - is our environment, which shapes 80% of our success in life.
The environment is our friends; they can pull us either up, helping us develop, or down, forcing us to degrade. Which friends to choose is up to everyone to decide for themselves. Only true comrades will be able to open the world in new colors and help in development, be there at the right moment and feel you like no one else.
Why is friendship so important to people?
Modern psychology pays a lot of attention to the question of whether friendship is important in a person’s life.
It has been proven that if you have real friends, a person is much more likely to feel happy and less likely to experience chronic fatigue syndrome. The role of friendship in a person’s life can be traced by one small fact: being surrounded by friends, a person looks more attractive and feels more confident.
Experts explained why friendship on social networks is needed. It turns out that social networks help us make friends. We watch photographs and other evidence from the lives of friends on the Internet, write comments, like, stay updated on events and do not forget our friends.
Child psychologists have explained why friendship is important for people at any age. Children in friendship learn to communicate, develop more fully and quickly form as individuals.
Psychologists are unanimous that the level of development and success of a person depends on the “quality” of a person’s environment. This is the value of friendship. Tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are.... That's why it's so important to have a true friend who motivates and gives impetus to development.
Types of friendship in psychology
Friendship can be situational:
- Business friendship. A common cause and goal can unite, unite and make friends.
- Friendship in the office. With constant contacts during working hours, the formation of more trusting and close relationships between colleagues is inevitable.
For children, women and men, being friends is good for your health.
Here are some examples of what friendship can be:
- Children's room. Touching, naive, with common games, with first friends. Growing up begins with it: the child learns to share, help, and be attentive.
- Youthful. A person grows and becomes more selective in relationships, attachments appear, friends acquire a separate status. Friendship helps self-affirmation. There is a division - boys are friends with boys, girls - with girls. It has been proven that friendly relationships that began as students more often remain so throughout life than school friendships.
- Women's. It has been said a lot that there are no real female friendships, and that often the end of these friendships is a man. Nevertheless, there are a huge number of examples of devoted, long-term female friendships.
- Men's. Since ancient times, men have united in order to get food together or resist enemies. A man needs friendship, which is based on trust and mutual assistance. Remember, as an example, the friendship of the musketeers from Dumas’s novel, based on support, mutual protection, and common resolution of issues. It is believed that the signs of true friendship between men and women differ: for a woman, the emotional component is important in relationships with her friends, for men - a commonality of interests, goals and objectives. It is important for a woman to talk it out with her friends; as a result, a stress-reducing and calming hormone is produced - oxytocin. It is curious that psychologists advise women to be friends evenly, which is why in the film “Sex and the City” four friends always communicate comfortably, the “third wheel” situation is excluded.
- Friendship between a man and a woman. Here opinions are divided. Some experts claim that such relationships are possible, others categorically deny the existence of friendship between a woman and a man. According to the latter, in the overwhelming majority of cases, a man sees a woman as a potential love partner. It happens that one of the friends is in love and becomes friends, hoping for reciprocity. Indeed, alliances that grow out of friendship are not uncommon and are considered strong.
First, let's define friendship, what does it include?
Friendship is a close relationship based on trust, affection, common interests, mutual respect and mutual assistance.
Thus, the psychology of friendship presupposes sympathy and affection and affects the spiritual side of the human personality. It is considered the most moral feeling - friendship is even a purer moral manifestation than love, since it is not so demanding. At the same time, a person discovers his best qualities in friendship - he learns to be attentive, caring, show support, help, and always comes to the rescue in difficult situations.
As a rule, friendship presupposes a commonality of interests, which initially unites people. Let's take a closer look at what types of friendships there are, how they are formed, what are the differences and similarities.
Rules for communicating with friends
Friends can provide moral support and help in dire situations completely free of charge. You cannot force someone to become your friend, this feeling always comes on its own. True friendship is also built on mutual respect.
As a rule, a strong friendship develops in several stages:
- Walking together as a child. Communication comes down to discussing toys and cartoons, and in case of a quarrel, children very soon make up.
- In adolescence, friendship only becomes stronger; friends can chat with each other for hours and solve any problems together. They are the first to witness joy or sorrow. It is at this time that communication stops - admission to university, differences in life principles. It depends on sincerity and affection whether it will be possible to maintain the relationship in the future.
- In adulthood, friends are the most faithful people you can rely on. Relationships can develop into a business relationship or end altogether for a number of reasons, including money.
- In old age, friendship is most rare. Usually such people were able to survive a huge amount of adversity together. If this relationship lasted throughout consciousness, then the level of affection of these friends deserves the highest respect.
The rules of communication with friends play an important role, and knowing them will help you maintain relationships or start new ones. The main thing is to be able to distinguish between the levels of relationships, since true friends are their highest form, and it will take a lot of effort to reach it.
How to make new friends
If you don't have friends, it's worth putting some effort into rectifying the situation.
- Develop yourself. Become an increasingly interesting person, whose experience, knowledge and example can be attractive and useful to others.
- Work on your inner world. What matters is the feeling that people have around you. In this regard, working with specialists is effective. For example, our course “How to create an atmosphere of love, abundance and happiness around yourself in just 20 minutes a day” will help you find inner peace and achieve success in all areas of life.
- Expand your social circle. Start going to the gym or visiting interest groups - an art studio, a dance club, etc. Get a dog of the breed that you have long dreamed of, because “dog lovers” often walk together. Join new groups on social networks on topics that interest you. There are many ways to make new acquaintances. Some of these connections, quite possibly, will develop into true friendship in the future.
Friendship between a man and a woman
Is there friendship between a man and a woman? Life proves that such relationships are possible: if they arose in childhood, when friends grew up and played together, matured, sharing their secrets and dreams. Such an attachment will be close to family, to the relationship between brother and sister. Also, opposite-sex friendships are possible if there was love that has already ended.
In addition, a man and a woman can be friends based on a common profession, creativity, or hobby. What interferes with a man's friendship with a woman? First of all, gender. A man is designed in such a way that he perceives a woman as a sexual object. If sexual contact occurs between friends of different sexes, a woman may react negatively to this, believing that she has been used. A man can regard this as strengthening friendship.
According to psychologists, selfless affection and trust in people of different sexes can develop as a result of a high level of spiritual development. The establishment of mutual understanding will be facilitated by the same idea of friendship between a man and a woman, of what it means to a person. Then there will be no place for feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, and selfishness. Unfortunately, such high spiritual manifestations in opposite-sex friendships are a rare occurrence. Therefore, according to scientists, this type of relationship cannot be strong and lasting.
Rhetorical question about the existence of female friendship
“Friendship is friendship, and everyone should have their own man” - another popular wisdom. Until women begin to share a man, they are great friends. Women also know how to be friends against someone, uniting in hatred and gossip about the object of enmity. This is friendship out of spite.
But the question is rhetorical and has no answer.
Different views on female friendship
It's easier for girls to pour out their hearts to their girlfriends about the boy she likes. This is often how friendship and communication are born. Not everyone has a trusting relationship with their mother, but someone the same age will listen and give advice. At this age, betrayals due to love affairs often occur. Girls want to please the opposite sex, envy their girlfriends and easily betray friendships.
Young mothers who are on maternity leave lack communication, those around them do not always understand (they have different interests), so mothers are united by the sandbox - a place for daily gathering and communication about children and husbands.
More mature women, if they have a family, do not have enough time to communicate with friends. At this stage, communication often breaks down, interests change, people move away. But relationships and communication are needed at any age, with any status and social position.
What is the difference between a friend and a comrade?
Man is a social individual. Since ancient times, people have lived in community, sharing the hardships of life. Being expelled from a community or tribe, being left alone with an unkind world did not mean anything good for a person.
The need for communication and relationships with people is genetically inherent in a person. Potentially, we always try to find and highlight people with similar interests, worldviews, and values. Friendship is the fulfillment of the need to communicate with like-minded people. A friend is a person who can share your need for communication.
It is not always clear which person can be called a friend and which one can be called a comrade. Is your colleague with whom you work together on a common cause a friend or comrade? On the one hand, it has been proven that a friendly atmosphere in a team increases productivity. On the other hand, if colleagues became friends and began to be friendly at work, then when competition or financial issues become more intense, most of the friendly comrades will sacrifice their relationship for the sake of profit.
Who can you call a friend?
A friend, as Wikipedia explains, is a sworn brother, a comrade, a sworn brother, but not a blood relative.
A friend can be called a person who understands that friendship is a 24-hour concept. Only a friend is ready to pick up the phone at any time of the day or night, listen or rush to help, without demanding anything in return. Like in a good children's song:
There are friends, and for them, friends have no days off!
A friend is a person you can rely on, who will never let you down or betray you.
Being friends does not mean living your friend’s life instead. Being friends means always being close
Examples of friendship
In history, examples of true friendship are the relationship between Pushkin and Pushchin. The friendship that began between the lyceum students lasted a lifetime, despite various vicissitudes of fate.
- The friendly relations of Anna German and Anna Kachalina (music editor of the Melodiya studio) helped the Polish singer gain popularity in the Soviet Union.
- There are many examples of strong friendship among Hollywood stars, here are some of them.
- The friendship between Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey began while working together on the film “Dallas Buyers Club,” which brought their friends well-deserved Oscar statuettes.
Another stellar example of true friendship is Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire. Their friendship has lasted for 25 years. The actors can be seen together at basketball or football games.
Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are an example of how friendship makes work possible. Their joint film works are always successful, and their friendship lasts for many years.
In Russian cinema, an example of true friendship is the relationship between Konstantin Khabensky and Mikhail Porechenkov, which began in their student years.
But friendship exists not only among people, but also among our smaller brothers. An example is the amazing story of two dogs - the basset hound Fubi and the retriever Tili. When Fubi fell into the well, his friend stayed by his side, and it was thanks to this that the volunteers were able to find the animals.
Male friendship
Male friendships are stronger. Men are more relaxed about statements, do not pay attention to caustic words and do not harbor anger; they prefer to sort out incomprehensible situations on the spot and do not leave hints.
Men often relax after a hard week of work, discuss life and women, gather around the table and drink alcoholic beverages. If such friendship does not develop into alcoholism, get-togethers happen no more than 1-2 times a month, then everything is fine.
But friendship is friendship, and everyone has their own career. Men often try to go into business with friends, after which the male friendship ends. Friendships don't last at work.
You can't have too many friends
There are many wonderful works about friendship and friends. And everywhere there is a reminder that you can’t have too many friends.
People are united by more than simple interests. They are united by common secrets, personal secrets. A fair conclusion: if three people know about a secret, then everyone knows.
Now the rhythm of life has changed, technical possibilities for friendship at a distance through social networks have appeared. Such friendship is rarely mutually enriching spiritually; the person continues to remain lonely, creating an illusion.
What it is?
Friendship is a selfless personal relationship between people, based on common hobbies and interests, on mutual respect. This is how Wikipedia describes this concept.
But I don’t want to talk about friendship in the dry language of explanatory dictionaries. I want to write poems about true friendship and sing about it. After all, this is not just mutual trust, affection, spending time together. This is a certain state of mind, an internal connection that unites hearts and souls, a desire to empathize and support each other. Very often, friends are connected by deeper ties than blood kinship.
By and large, friendship is one of the manifestations of love.
We see our reflection in friends
“Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are,” this saying was not born out of nowhere. Before people become friends, they communicate a lot and have the same hobby.
Friends complement each other, are privy to common secrets, become one and adopt certain character traits. If a person lacks something in character or behavior, then he looks for it in a friend. But absolute opposites will not get along with each other, although they will complement the missing character traits. Sincere friendship stands the test of time and changes people.
A true friend: his qualities
We believe that it should have the following qualities:
- Reliable, loyal and dedicated
- Optimist in Life
- Friendly and responsive
- Honest, decent, sincere
- You two like each other
We establish many different connections and communications throughout our lives. But not everyone becomes our friends. We often become discouraged and depressed because we do not understand how to distinguish true friendship from false friendship.
Many friends do not live up to our expectations, or maybe not enough time passes to test the relationship, because it does not work out right away.
How is friendship different from love?
Sometimes friendship is compared to love, but these are two completely different types of affection. Love is an unconditional feeling that can be felt towards children, parents or other relatives. It can be romantic or platonic. At the same time, it changes perception, preventing us from considering the shortcomings of a loved one. An interesting feature of love is that loving people are not always honest with their loved ones.
With friendship, things are completely different - it is not “blind”. Even the strongest friendship will not force us to look at each other through rose-colored glasses. We see his shortcomings and mistakes, and point them out to him if we deem it necessary. Directness and honesty are the main criteria of true friendship. If we are afraid to offend a loved one with an unpleasant truth, then we cannot lie to a friend. In addition, we do not strive to idealize our friends. The main thing is that you can rely on this person.
Quarrels between friends happen less often than between loving people, and most contradictions can be resolved fairly quickly. Typically, people who have long-standing friendly relations know well what topics they may have disagreements on, and avoid them in conversation, preferring to discuss more interesting things and events. A true friend is afraid of distances and long separations. Friends living in different cities can see each other once a year and have a great time together.
Afterword
Is a friend different from a friend, a good acquaintance? Yes. We turn to friends in order to share joy, share impressions, and to solve a difficult life problem, to ask for help and support. Friends are needed for a pleasant holiday. However, in the perception of some people these terms do not differ.
But friendship does not depend on gender, but its different types have their own characteristics. We talked about this in the articles “Friendship between a man and a woman: myth or reality. What psychology says”, “Male and female friendship: what is the difference, whose is stronger. Is it true that male friendship is stronger than female friendship?
What about family friendships?
This is one of the few real options for building friendly relationships between a man and a woman. The fact is that this situation practically eliminates jealousy, because wives and husbands only get together. But achieving this is not very easy.
First, you need to convince your crush that that same school friend or that distant friend is of no interest other than friendly, and in general it’s worth getting to know them before drawing conclusions. If a person’s personal qualities and common hobbies help, it will become possible to be friends with families. But there will not be absolute spiritual closeness between two friends, and you should be prepared for this.
How to find true friends and make your life happier
The steps to restoring a healthy friendship balance are quite simple.
Analyze whether you have real friends
Ask yourself how many people know you really well. For example, who (except close relatives!) is able to notice when you are a little unwell or a little upset, and sincerely ask if everything is okay?
If the answer is “Nobody,” then know that you are not alone in this experience. A 2021 Loneliness_Index_National_Report_Compliance survey found that 54% of American adults “always” or “sometimes” feel like no one cares or knows them well.
Here's another test of true friendship. Try to name a few people, not including your partner or spouse, with whom you can easily talk about very personal, truly exciting topics. And even if you managed to name a couple of names, remember how long ago you discussed such issues last time. If it's been more than a month since then, you might not be as close as you think.
Take existing friendships beyond usefulness
My wife and I realized that it was important for both of us to create deeper friendships, and we restructured our social life a little.
When meeting with friends, we tried to redirect the conversation from everyday, potentially useful topics like vacations, shopping, renovations to more personal issues: happiness, love, moral principles, spirituality. This helped us get closer to some friends. And in other cases, on the contrary, it turned out that a full-fledged relationship (that same perfect friendship) is impossible even in the future. But we were able to understand which people are really close to us and with whom we need to meet more often.
Why do you have problems with friends?
You've probably come across people who are disappointed in friendship and try not to get attached to anyone. This is puzzling, because friends bring bright colors into our lives.
There are a few common reasons why some people experience friendship problems:
- Excessive demands. Psychologists note that most often problems with friends arise from those who make excessive demands on friendship. In their opinion, the friend’s list of obligations goes beyond what is permitted. Their partners “must” do everything without unnecessary comments, without their own interests and affairs. The reason for such views is a distorted understanding of the concept of “friendship” as such. Often a person does not put forward his demands, but simply becomes disappointed in his friends when they do not meet them. Extra responsibility weighs heavily on any person. That is why comrades prefer not to enter into the status of a friend.
- Inability to resolve conflict. Misunderstandings arise between people regularly. If you do not accumulate dissatisfaction within yourself and are able to correctly express your complaints, you can avoid a major quarrel. The accumulation of negative energy often leads to an emotional outburst, which can be a fatal blow to friendships.
- Reluctance to change the point of perception. Sometimes it’s worth looking at the situation from your partner’s perspective. Things don't always happen as we think. The worst way out is to stand your ground without trying to hear your friend. People who do not compromise on principle tend to be left without friends. Selfishness ruins any relationship.
What spoils friendship?
Unfortunately, in our time of far-fetched standards, true friendship is increasingly becoming a real luxury. Maintaining friendship is an art, but ruining a relationship is quite easy. Qualities such as envy, guile, excessive curiosity, and using a friend for selfish purposes can not only ruin friendly relations, but also sow enmity between friends.
Envy
There is nothing worse for friendship than envy. This vice often becomes fatal for both parties. Envy can push the envious person to any meanness, betrayal, or deception.
Craftiness
If a friend is capable of deceit for the sake of his own selfish goals, such friendship is worthless. She simply has no future, because sooner or later the secret becomes clear, and then comes disappointment and pain from the loss of a loved one.
Excessive curiosity
Even the closest friend has the right to little secrets, to his own line, which no one has the right to cross. When the excessive curiosity of a loved one becomes too intrusive, it can cause irritation. If there is too much curiosity, irritation can develop into hostility. And this is the first step towards cooling the relationship.
Using a friend for personal gain
And this is the most difficult test for friendship. What could be worse than disappointment in a friend who uses the trust of a loved one for his own selfish purposes?
What does true friendship consist of?
In fact, true friendship cannot be broken down into components, squeezed into templates or frames. It is multifaceted and individual, and in each specific case it has its own system of connections and relationships.
But there are still some fundamental components of friendship. This:
trust and respect emotional connection and mutual assistance constancy and lack of competition self-sacrifice and honesty nurturing positive qualities selflessness and faith in friendship
Confidence
Friendship and trust are like two sides of the same coin; they cannot exist without each other. It is not for nothing that trust is considered the basis of strong friendship.
Unfortunately, people do not always trust each other. Sometimes trust flares up like a spark, sometimes it takes years to earn it. And only where trust appears, friendship is born. And this fire burns as long as there is trust.
Friendship marred by mistrust is doomed, since mistrust is the first step to betrayal.
True friendship does not require pretense; with a friend you can always be yourself, without playing a role and without trying to seem better
Respect
It's hard to imagine two friends, one of whom shows disrespect to the other. Such an alliance is not initially friendship. Disrespect, no matter what it is caused by - envy, resentment or something else - destroys friendship, makes it insincere. An insincere partner most often simply uses the other for his own purposes.
The ability to respect your friend, accept him as he is, and take his opinion into account are important components of a strong friendship.
Emotional connection
Friendship is characterized by special frankness and deep affection for each other. These include common interests, the opportunity for spiritual communication with a loved one, and the desire to take part in each other’s lives, be it support or wise advice.
The emotional coloring of friendship is multifaceted and diverse:
If the ability to rejoice in the successes and achievements of a friend or girlfriend brings satisfaction and a feeling of happiness - this is friendship. If there is a feeling of calm and security in a relationship, it is friendship. If the successes of friends bring joy, this is friendship.
Help
Friendship lives by its own unwritten laws. It has no charter or rules. Friends usually, at the behest of their hearts, determine their own level of responsibility. And this is not just communication or birthday greetings. This is a mutual desire to help each other in difficult situations.
Doesn’t it often happen that when help is needed, many turn to friends rather than relatives? And a true friend will always rush to do everything possible without unnecessary questions.
Only this way and not otherwise - this is required by the unwritten law of friendship.
Some tips on how to strengthen true friendship
- A true friend does not owe you anything, so accept everything he does for you with gratitude.
- A true friend is found in trouble, so always be faithful in friendship, help each other always and everywhere
- If you suddenly quarrel, look for a way to reconcile, “there should be no ax of war”
There is a poem by E. Asadov that “if your friend in a verbal dispute could cause offense to you, it is bitter, but it is not grief, you still forgive him later! “Anything can happen in life, and if your friendship is strong, don’t let it be broken in vain over a stupid trifle.”
- Spend time together often, it is advisable that you have some kind of common interest or hobby. This brings true friends together
- Visit each other more often so that your families and children can become friends
True friendship is tested over the years, it is like that flower, you water it, take care of it, and it grows and blooms well. And if not, then he will wither away.
There are few such people in a person's life. Moreover, there can be true friendship between both a man and a woman. And such friendship should be valued too. Being able to forgive true friends and listen to them is also a great skill, and you need to learn this all your life! Appreciate your true friends! Over the years, they become more and more difficult to acquire!
Antoine De Saint-Exupery in “The Little Prince” has these words about true friendship:
“We will need each other. You will be the only one for me in the whole world. And I will be alone for you in the whole world...”
This is what a true friend is!
Interesting facts about friendship
In 2010, evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar, in his book How Many Friends Does One Person Need, provided interesting facts about friendships. I’ll briefly share the most interesting ones:
- Women and extroverts have the most friends. The former are more successful in making new contacts due to their more developed emotional intelligence, while the latter are more sociable due to their high focus on the outside world.
- The level of closeness is directly proportional to the distance between friends. The researcher says that if you can't get to your friend's house within half an hour, then the likelihood of frequent calls and texts is reduced. And after 160 km the connection stops altogether.
- The longer the separation, the longer the conversation will be when we meet. This is how we try to compensate for the damage caused by the break. There is another logic here: the more you haven’t seen your friend, the more events you need to tell him about.
- In friendship there are also “larks” and “night owls”. The former prefer to communicate and meet during the day, while the latter prefer to get together in the evening. At the same time, “owls” have a wider contact network than “larks”. But at the same time, early birds devote more time to their friends than representatives of other chronotypes.
- Women's friendship is strengthened by communication, and men's friendship is strengthened by a common cause. Dunbar states: “To maintain friendships, women need to communicate in person and chat on the phone. To strengthen male friendship, it is important to go somewhere together, play sports or have a hobby.”
Perfect Friendship
And finally, let's talk about what an ideal real friendship should be like, found in life, and not in smart books and articles. You and I can tell a lot about ideal friendship, based on our desires, ideas about it, and the opinions of other people we once liked. But in real life, this kind of imaginary real friendship is rare. Therefore, it makes sense to talk more about an ideal that someone has already managed to come to and therefore is able to achieve. So, ideal friendship, in my opinion and according to my observations, is a friendship in which people - friends - place on each other adequate [corresponding to their capabilities] hopes, expectations, demands and responsibilities. We have the right to take from people what they can and want to give us and give in return what we can and want to give, thus emphasizing the value for us of friendship with this person.
It is clear that in any relationship between people there will be a place for self-interest, there is no escape from this, and there is no need to escape. But, as in the relationship between a man and a woman, friends should not see each other as fulfillers of their desires and their servants. Friendship is not a service to demand much from it. Being too demanding of a person will inevitably lead to conflicts with him. Sometimes they are latent in nature, and sometimes open. Because of these conflicts, mistrust arises between people and their misunderstanding of each other. Because conflict evokes emotions, naturally negative ones, and emotions then further spin and complicate the conflict, introducing new grievances into it. They confuse people's mutual demands on each other, deprive them of the ability to think flexibly and constructively, narrow their view of the situation, and limit their choice of ways to solve it. And for a friendship that is as ideal and real as possible, you just need to learn to be content with what she gives you and give her what you need to give in order to keep it.
Sources
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Multidimensionality
Georg Simmel believed that friendly agreement has many facets. A person can have working relationships with co-workers, he can communicate well with them on narrow topics, and with another person he can discuss his family and experiences.
Ferdinand Tennis distinguished 2 types of friendship. The first type unites social groups, the second is based on emotional closeness.
Sociology textbooks describe all aspects of interpersonal relationships and everything about friendship, signs of its manifestation and cooperation.
Sociological aspect
The word “friend” now has many meanings and connotations. With the advent of the Internet and social networks, people began to communicate more. Distances, time zones, and nationality are no longer barriers to communication. But spiritual closeness does not appear either; simple communication is enough for strangers to show friendly participation.
Socio-psychological aspect
Sanguine people, phlegmatic people, choleric people and melancholic people have different character traits. A person most often has a mixed type of temperament, but cannot combine all four, so he looks for them in others.
If interests converge, but the types of temperament are different, then mutual attraction appears, which can develop into friendships or love relationships.
Anthropological aspect
Man is a social being; people cannot do without communication. And it’s easier to communicate with family or friends - people with whom everyone feels calmer.
An important aspect of the anthropological component is cultural values and mental abilities. If people come from different social environments, then topics for communication will quickly disappear, relationships will remain at the stage of friendship.
The anthropological aspect is the most ancient, based on instincts, but it still manifests itself today.
Philosophical aspect
Friendship in people's relationships varies. A person becomes happy only if his personality is complete. And it becomes complete when a person has a loved one, family and friend. Family, friends and love are the ingredients of happiness. To these are added physical and mental health and material well-being.
Ancient Greek and Roman philosophers considered universal sacrificial friendship to be the most important incentive for spiritual growth, development and self-improvement of the individual.
The German philosopher and scientist Kant derives the universal norm of morality from reason, and not from feelings. He believes that since only the mind is capable of expressing the practical side of friendship, then only people of similar mental abilities can be friends. Close relationships are strong emotions that can turn your life around.