Psychology of love: types, stages, stages and concept

The definition of love and what kind of feeling it is (in psychology) still has very blurred boundaries. Many people surround us, some we are indifferent to, others arouse sympathy, affection, annoyance or even hatred, and there can be many objects. But only at the sight of one person does the spirit freeze and “spread its wings.” Emotional excitement smoothly turns into attachment and further, causing a response not only on the emotional, but also on the physical level, deeply affecting the biochemistry of the body, expressed in the accelerated production of serotonin, the hormone of happiness.

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

Is it worth loving?

Love also has its contradictions. Unfortunately, this is not always all-consuming happiness and joy from experiencing this feeling. After all, sincere love may not find reciprocity, bring disappointment, pain of loss and loss from such a negative factor as betrayal and betrayal. It can burn painfully, cause incredible suffering, and can even drive you crazy in the literal sense of the word. But if we talk about sincere love and ask the question whether it is worth loving, probably the correct answer will be - it is worth it, since, along with possible suffering, this is the most powerful, brightest, most expressive positive feeling that a person can experience.

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

Duration of relationship

Love is clearly not a feeling that arises in a couple of days. To say “I love” with confidence, you will first have to thoroughly study the person next to you. See how angry he gets, sad, what he does when he’s bored, who he calls first to share his joy. Right down to what dreams he has and what brand of toothbrush he prefers.

Only when many joyful and not so joyful situations have been experienced together, the strengths and weaknesses of the individual have been identified, can one think seriously about the cherished three-word phrase. Everything else up to this point is part of the imagination, which will evaporate as soon as life presents a serious test.

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

Psychology of first love

Of course, the first feelings are the most romantic; these are memories from the past that leave a mark on the soul for life . This is the first experience, often associated with the idealization of a person; falling in love for the first time plays a huge role in adult life. Anyone who learns to love in youth will be able to be a loving person in adulthood. Parents tend to underestimate the first impulses of the soul, but they are incredibly important for teenagers.

The feeling of love tends to change, just as a person changes throughout life; different periods are distinguished . Let's consider love at 40 years old, the psychology of relationships says that during this period life is re-evaluated, results are summed up, difficulties are often observed in families - children grow up, the meaning of the family is lost if it was created only for procreation.

However, for people who are able to show care and support to each other, taking part in the life of their partner, this period can become the dawn of love - a second youth with romance and travel. It all depends on the choice of the couple and aspirations. Often not meeting understanding in the family, a man seeks joy on the side - a young and attentive life partner.

This is a psychological and hormonal issue; this does not always happen and depends on family relationships. There are couples who live together for many years, easily coping with all crises.

Another approach to classifying love

Divided into:

Love between a man and a woman
Mother's love
Worship (platonic love)

What is the difference between parental feelings towards a child?

The psychology of maternal love is manifested in unconditional love - the child is the best, regardless of the circumstances, it is characterized by idealization and respect, emotionality, which helps the child realize his importance and learn to trust the world. Fatherly feelings are associated with circumstances, they usually manifest themselves in praise, it must be earned, fathers rejoice at the successes and achievements of the child.

It seems that falling in love arises spontaneously, but the ability to develop and maintain this wonderful feeling largely depends on the person and his desire. The psychology of love and relationships studies the correct building of relationships, helps in self-development and finding a happy family life. How does true love manifest itself?

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

Lovers do not notice those around them.
Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
There are no doubts about the choice.
There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
Constantly share plans for the future.
Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

Responsibility

If a loving man decides to stay with friends after work, he will definitely inform his wife about this. Not because of the “heel”. But because he understands: his wife will worry about his long absence. Or perhaps she will wait a long time, not going to bed or having dinner without him.

If a girl wants to buy herself another dress, realizing that the budget is limited and her boyfriend urgently needs a new shirt, she will hold off on buying her item. Because he knows: she still has several dresses, but his old clothes are no longer good for anything and clearly require updating.

To love means to accept responsibility for the feelings and well-being of your partner.

The actions of a loving person do not contradict the main principles of her couple. She respects the opinion of her loved one and always takes him into account. “Will I hurt you?”, “Will this be good for us?”, even “How will this affect his/her image?” — phrases that indicate love.

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
Trust is not typical for falling in love.

Ability to resolve conflicts

A relationship in which love arises is not a stage. There is no place for dramas, overblown tragedies, or acting skills. If such a couple has a problem, she prefers to solve everything peacefully. Peaceful means without throwing knives and plates, playing games of silence, visiting parents, throwing things over the balcony and screams that only the deaf cannot hear.

These partners will resolve conflicts through conversations, attempts to understand each other, and find a common mutually beneficial solution.

Another fact: the prerequisites for quarrels are inevitable. Two people, different in character, upbringing, views, trying to share housing, everyday life, will sometimes encounter differences and misunderstandings. This is fine. If there are no disagreements at all in a relationship, this means that people hush up their dissatisfaction or live not with the partner himself, but with invented fantasies about him.

What do scientists think about this feeling?

Love from a chemical point of view:

When you fall in love, the body actively produces serotonin and dopamine. A person is addicted to love.
If a man suddenly loses interest in one girl, he begins to court several women. There is not enough vasopressin hormone in his body.
During the period of passion, human blood is saturated with a cocktail of various hormones. Intimacy cements relationships.

The last stage of love, from the point of view of chemistry, is the attachment of partners to each other. At this stage, the body actively produces the hormone endodiazepine. It silences anxiety and gives peace.

Love is different for each person. Some fear this feeling because of a tragic breakup that caused heartache. Someone gets the highest pleasure from it. In order for a relationship to last longer, be strong, and interesting, you need to constantly introduce novelty into it, try to develop feelings. It is enough to increase interest for passion to flare up again.