The art of negotiation. How to formulate demands and get your way

The life of people in society is full of all kinds of situations, including conflict ones. Social scientists note that this phenomenon or even feature is quite natural. Disagreement between different people’s points of view on the same problem and ways to solve it is natural. At the same time, it often turns out that one problem requires solution by several people or a whole team at once, since it affects the interests of many people. In such a situation, one cannot do without the ability to negotiate, that is, to search through joint efforts for a mutually acceptable solution. Otherwise, social relations at different levels risk turning into a continuous insoluble conflict.

Territory of agreement

This territory, like any other, must be protected. This security device is the small word “yes.” The interlocutors need to agree among themselves, and this can be done even without a psychologist. You must be in a good mood because you must take the initiative. You should not be tired, you should be smarter, more far-sighted, more cunning and more talkative. First you need to start a conversation. And the topic of conversation should not remain neutral. On the contrary, the topic should affect each of the interlocutors. How to find such a topic, you ask? The weather will be perfect. You, as the initiator, characterize her condition, and your interlocutor agrees, and that’s it! Both interlocutors are already in the territory of agreement.

Games for children “Learning to negotiate”

• The game “I don’t like it” will help children better understand their feelings and correctly formulate the reason for their dissatisfaction. Children are asked to continue the sentence “I don’t like it when...”.
• The “Be More Specific” game helps develop the ability to specify your requirements. The teacher asks the students to give a detailed answer: “I say “Leave me alone!” if ....”
• The game “I will act as ...” will help you choose the right model of behavior. This game should be played after watching a cartoon or reading literary behavior.
• The “Do It Differently” game involves children modeling the correct behavior in a conflict situation. To do this, they need to be shown a fragment of a cartoon showing a quarrel and asked to suggest an option for solving or preventing it.

The main result that should be achieved during such classes is that children will master conflict resolution skills that they can use in the absence of adults.

However, already from the middle of the first year at school, one should abandon clearly structured classes, since this will teach children that any conflict situations must be resolved by adults. At the same time, the child himself will feel like an object of the conflict, and will not strive to solve it on his own.

At the second stage of developing students’ ability to negotiate among themselves, it is recommended to offer them free games. It is precisely such activities that often serve as a source of various problems that the children will have to solve on their own. Since the task of the game will not be directly related to finding ways to resolve the conflict, but will be aimed at achieving another game goal, students will make spontaneous decisions, which will serve as invaluable experience for developing the ability to negotiate with each other.

It is important to give children as much freedom as possible during play. There is no need to organize children, indicate to them the sequence of execution, the conditions for achieving results.

On the contrary, the point of such activities is precisely to push children to solve them when problematic situations arise. In this case, the teacher should take an exclusively mediating position and intervene only if the quarrel reaches an acute stage.

We can offer such games.

• Game “Drawing Together” - on one sheet of paper and one set of markers, draw a general picture and come up with a name for it. There are other types of such games that need to be played together or in small groups - “Assemble the puzzle”, “Build a castle”, etc. To make the task more difficult, you can prohibit talking to each other while completing it. This also includes non-verbal communication.
• The game “Island of Conflicts” - children find themselves on an island where people are constantly quarreling with each other. We need to offer solutions to their problems.
• The game “Carpet of Peace” - guys who cannot agree with each other sit on the carpet, where they must express negative emotions (without getting personal) and make peace.
• Game “First Person Narrative” - each conflicting party is asked to talk about the current situation on behalf of his offender.
• Game “Tragicomedy without words” - schoolchildren must talk about a quarrel without using words, but only gestures.
• Game “Plant Name-Calling” - you can express negative emotions by voicing associations with plants.
• And others.

A good way to develop children's ability to negotiate is to suggest that they come up with fairy tales about friendship, about ways to find friends, about conflicts between extraterrestrial civilizations.

The art of negotiation in the form of a poster

Many people are upset by a quarrel with a friend. What to do in such situations? How to achieve mutual understanding next time, avoiding conflict? In this case, experts recommend developing your own rule “The Art of Negotiation”; the poster will be a good guide in this matter. Everyone has seen the cartoon about Carlson, who called himself “the tamer of the housewife.” He was able to win over the most harmful Freken Bock. Sometimes it is useful to imagine yourself in the form of this hero and write a memo for communicating with any person. Remember the bitter resentment, explain to yourself why this resentment arose. The main thing is to be honest, because no one gets offended by bad weather or a stone they tripped over. You need to create your own recipe for avoiding offense.

1. What prevents you from understanding a person?
2. What feelings are neutral?
3. What helps you understand others?

In this way, the art of negotiation will become more clear. A poster hung in the room will help in this matter.

Get everything down on paper

This is the best way to avoid misunderstandings. As soon as you have announced the terms of the deal, write them down and lay them out in front of each participant in the meeting. This way you will make sure that there are no discrepancies and disagreements, and the subject of negotiations will turn from abstract to real, which is already a pity to lose.

In addition, if negotiations are divided into several stages, it is worth recording the results of each meeting in the form of a follow-up. This will help all participants quickly get into the rhythm, remember where the discussion stopped last time, and compare guidelines and key agreements.

What is important to consider in the process?

The party that initiates the negotiations must interest opponents in its ideas, proposals, and assure that, if necessary, compromise solutions will be found to resolve controversial issues. There may also be situations when you need to deviate from your beliefs in order to obtain the desired result in negotiations.

It is important to remember the following: before entering into any negotiations, you should adequately assess your own benefits and losses, and then try to find other ways to solve the problem.

Please note that if you are a representative of your company, you must have full authority, in particular, you must be given the right to make decisions during the negotiation process

Define "B"

What do you want to get out of the negotiations? Do you have a specific goal, or are you moving by inertia?

If there is no answer to these questions, then it will turn out like in “Alice in Wonderland”:

- Tell me, please, where should I go from here? - Where do you want to go? - answered the Cat. “I don’t care,” said Alice. “Then it doesn’t matter where you go,” the Cat remarked. “As long as you get somewhere,” explained Alice. “You will definitely end up somewhere,” said the Cat. “You just need to walk long enough.”

Your brain must understand what result you want to achieve in negotiations. First, he must have a reference point. Secondly, you need to learn to keep your focus on point “B”, then you will not be afraid of any manipulations or tricks on the part of your opponent.

Negotiation methods

In official management psychology, there are 4 methods of negotiation. It is not necessary to use only one method in the negotiation process; you can combine it. Let's look at each of them in detail.

Method 1. Variational

This method can be used in the process of preparing for a conversation. Its essence is to distribute the expected result into:

• ideal;
• optimal (besides, it is necessary to identify not so important nuances that can be neglected);
• forced within the expected time frame;
• an opponent's proposal that must be rejected.

You should think about all of these options in advance, and plan the strategies that will be used in each of them.

Method 2. Compromise

Compromise is considered one of the most important points in the discussion process. The point is that opponents are ready to sacrifice certain nuances, taking into account the interests of the parties. As a result of this approach, instead of the original requirements, new ones are formulated.

It should be said that there are some difficulties in the compromise method. Firstly, a solution reached by compromise is a conditional agreement, since it may require greater competence and authority of the participants in the process. Secondly, the psychological aspect plays a big role. That is, in order to reach a consensus, both (or three, etc.) parties should show patience and endurance.

Method 3: Balancing

When balancing, each opponent carefully studies and analyzes the counterarguments put forward. This method will be relevant in 2 cases:

1. In preparation for modeling possible ways of development of events.
2. When you need to “play for time” (if a person does not want to take risks or does not have enough authority).

The method is used in the decisive (turning) phase, in which the participant presents clear arguments to the counterparty.

Method 4: Integration

The most appropriate integration method will be in a situation of positional bargaining, when the opponent insists on narrow departmental interests. In this case, your goal is to convince your partner (or opponent) of the need to take into account social relationships, since they promise mutual benefit.

Don't do anything for nothing

To close the deal, you will have to make compromises on some issues, and this is inevitable. But you can’t agree to something without asking for something in return.

If partners ask for a lower price, ask for better payment terms. If they give a short time frame for completing a task, ask them to reduce the amount of work. If you are offered a performance-based contract, ask for a deposit. If they insist on collaborating on a non-standard process, take permission to use this experience as a business case.

Never concede anything unless they offer you something in return: this will help you get more out of the deal and discourage them from asking for more concessions.

If negotiations are purely about price, make sure that over and over again your concessions become smaller and smaller. For example, you can drop the price from $100 to $80, then to $70 and finally to $65. Reducing the amount of concessions will signal to your partners that you are less and less willing to work with them, and, most likely, they will sign the contract faster.

If you act as a buyer, you can use the rule of dividing the price in half. For example, if you are buying a product for $100, it would be a good idea to start the bidding at $50. If they offer you $80, quote $65 because that's halfway between 80 and 50. They offer you $75 and you quote $70, and that's usually when the deal closes.

This tactic works because you confuse the other party without going overboard. And following a clear algorithm allows you to escape from the emotional side of trading and voice a price that in other circumstances you would be embarrassed to name.

If you follow this rule, you may be given about 1/3 of the original price. Of course, not every product or service has a 30 percent margin, and most sellers would rather not discount at all, but they also understand that the marketing and sales costs required to get another buyer may be greater than the cut of profit which they are asked to refuse. As they say, a bird in the hand is better than a pie in the sky.

ABOUT SHEEP, DONKEYS AND DIFFICULT OPPOINTERS

Kennedy G.

You can agree on everything. How to achieve the maximum in any negotiations.

M., 2011.

It may seem strange to consider a child begging his mother to buy ice cream as a serious negotiator, but in a certain sense he is. The kid knows what he wants, has a clear idea of ​​how to achieve it - pretend to be a good boy, cry, throw a tantrum - he has a whole arsenal of means of influencing the opposite side.

But, growing up, we are forced to negotiate with people who take different positions in relation to us; they are not necessarily positively disposed, but perhaps, on the contrary, are prejudiced against us for some reason. In addition, as we grow up, we change, childish stubbornness and one hundred percent conviction that we are right disappear (though not for everyone), but there is a desire to understand the position of the interlocutor, to find common ground. We learn to see the long term, not just short-term benefits, and we often have to prioritize.

And then numerous questions arise, each more painful than the other. How to achieve effective negotiations? Are there ways to teach partners to listen and hear themselves? From what position should we negotiate – from a position of strength or using a policy of concessions? Is it possible to agree to your partner’s first offer if it seems like “an offer you can’t refuse”?

Gavin Kennedy, in his book “Anything Can Be Negotiated,” approaches the solution of these serious problems with a dose of humor, conventionally dividing negotiators in his book into donkeys, sheep, foxes and owls

On the one hand, such an original classification attracts attention from the first pages, on the other hand, each of these animals symbolically reflects certain traits of different types of people (stubbornness, indecision, the desire to bargain for one’s own by cunning, forgetting about the interests of the partner), which create their own for each person. specific difficulties and can be an obstacle to fair and effective negotiations

Gavin Kennedy analyzes the main dilemmas of the panelists, offers readers an analysis of many specific situations and discusses various strategies for dealing with them, from negotiations on the purchase of a pizzeria to a conflict with a supplier over a poor-quality product. In particular, the author strongly recommends that the reader not give in to so-called difficult opponents during negotiations, citing a half-joking example of traveling salesmen in the tundra who decided to appease a wolf and discourage him from his sleigh by throwing him a piece of meat, and as a result attracted a whole pack of hungry wolves. Thanks to vivid comparisons and illustrative situations, as well as the fascinating style in which the book is written, the author’s recommendations are perceived not as edification, but as friendly advice from a person who has made his mark and wants to share his life experience.

How to negotiate with a person

• Always avoid extremes. If you find yourself in a conflict situation, know that any person can behave differently. Someone can show aggression, thus defending their own opinion and convincing their opponent to agree with his words. Others, on the contrary, may agree with the opponent in order to avoid conflict. The art of compromise will help you find that “golden mean”, in fact, in any situation.
• Take advantage of breaks. If your tension is off the charts, you are nervous and are absolutely not ready to discuss matters, it is better to postpone the negotiations and rest. Even just 10 minutes will help you relax, look at the issue from the other side, and understand how to negotiate with a person in a given situation. In addition, you will have the opportunity to more clearly prove your position. You need to think about what you can give up and what points are important to you. If you prioritize, you will be able to concentrate and have a calm conversation.
• Be flexible. Listen carefully to your interlocutor’s options and be on the alert, you may have to put forward arguments in defense of the opposite opinion. Always try to find a real option, and know that only in a dispute is the truth born. If the opportunity arises to give in, but give up secondary interests, do it. A bad tactic is to stubbornly stand your ground.

Now you know how you can agree with a person, how to arrange a meeting, or simply agree with any person about anything. These techniques will not only make other people get along with you, it will help build their trust in you.

Compromise

Disputes and conflict situations arise everywhere: at school, at work, in the family, on the street, at the institute and in various public places. And the more effectively the dispute is resolved, the more your authority in the eyes of others will increase. What does “effective art of negotiation” mean? By definition, this is a successful result of negotiations between two or three parties, during which a compromise is found. In turn, a compromise is voluntary and mutual concessions by all parties to the conflict on a friendly note. The phrase “agree” implies a mutually beneficial solution. And if it is found, it means that people have come to a mutually beneficial option, that is, they have agreed.

An ordinary example

For example, an experienced employee decided to quit, citing the fact that he was no longer satisfied with the work schedule and pay. An unexpected statement needs to be responded to urgently, but in such a way that the interests of the manager are respected, because you don’t want to lose a valuable employee. Finding and training a new person may take a lot of time and money, but the arguments of the person leaving are also understandable. How to act in this situation and not make a mistake? The art of negotiation will teach you this.

If the boss is unable to find a solution in such a simple situation, then he is unlikely to cope with complex tasks. Most likely, a short-sighted manager will not stop the employee and try to find a solution. But it is a compromise in this situation that can be most beneficial for both parties. And there are many such examples. What is the essence of the agreement process? Let's try to figure it out.

Understand, hear, listen and insist

Surely many managers, sitting at the negotiating table, sincerely want to find a solution that suits everyone. But the attempts fail because in the first minutes it becomes clear that it is simply impossible to reach an agreement. And, unfortunately, they are not trying to resume the dialogue again.

How to master the art of negotiation? Rules developed by experts will help you get out of any situation

Endurance, patience, self-control and focus on what is most important are fundamental factors on the path to compromise

A good example is politicians or large businessmen who conduct long-term negotiations with partners or competitors. Most often, negotiations end on a positive note.

Way to success

For a successful dialogue, all round table participants must:

• listen carefully to your interlocutor without interrupting, even if his arguments are absurd;
• show respect to your interlocutor;
• do not allow aggression, pressure, persistence towards the opponent;
• celebrate merits and achievements;
• speak calmly, confidently without emotions, use arguments, facts, provide evidence;
• reach a compromise diplomatically.

This is the art of negotiating; the rules of correct communication are always useful in life.

Of course, it is impossible to list all the nuances; there is a special science in this regard - social science. These are just the basics, without which effective negotiations will not take place.

Causes of children's inability to negotiate

To determine effective ways to overcome children's inability to negotiate, it is important to understand the reasons for the child's incorrect behavior towards other children. Most of them lie in the psychological characteristics of younger schoolchildren

First of all, their emotional instability affects them, which is as follows.

• The habitual model of behavior is based on the formula “I want - I don’t want, I like it - I don’t like it.”
• Most children's actions depend on their mood, which they do not yet know how to control.
• In a conflict situation, a student most often commits actions under the influence of angry impulses.
• The child does not have the “Should” attitude, so the discord between his internal state and generally accepted norms of behavior is reflected.

By the beginning of the school period, the child is psychologically ready to manage his emotions, but does not know how to do this. Therefore, another reason for conflicts in children is not their inability to establish contacts, but their lack of experience in social communication. This is especially pronounced in a “home child” who has not previously attended kindergarten.

This is precisely why children do not strive to negotiate themselves, but rush to seek help from adults. Sometimes the child does not even realize that he can solve the problem himself and find a way to interact.

It is also necessary to take into account that at this age children are fixated only on their feelings and they have almost no sense of empathy. They do not want to give in to another simply because they do not understand his desires and the fact that he also has his own interests.

There are other reasons for children’s inability to negotiate. This may be a consequence of improper family upbringing, in which the parents never tried to seek compromises with the child, but only presented him with a series of demands. In some cases, negative social experiences gained in the preschool period have an effect. If a child has experienced aggressive pressure from his peers for some time, this may affect his character and behavior pattern.

The reasons for inability to negotiate can be identified by conducting diagnostic tests, questioning parents, and interviewing teachers. In rare cases, to solve the problem of increased conflict in a child, the help of a psychologist will be needed. Most often, it is enough to conduct a system of collective or group classes on the topic “Learning to negotiate.”

Baggage

There is also the concept of baggage - this is something important that everyone knows, but does not pronounce. Camp School teaches that luggage must be unloaded before a meeting. Here's an example.

Five people came to the meeting: three people from an advertising agency and two managers from a large FMCG company. A total of three guys and two girls. One of these girls had relationships with two of the guys at different times, and she recently divorced the third after being married for a year and a half. That is, in this room the status is “everything is complicated.” In this situation, you need someone to say:

“People, we came on business, but it’s obvious that there are some personal difficulties here. You dated, we were married. If this interferes with our work now, let’s recuse ourselves and transfer this matter to one of our colleagues. Well, it’s unrealistic to solve problems when everything is so complicated.”

And everyone will either agree with this or say in an adult way: “We will not allow our relationship to harm the matter.” And they will work calmly.

Can children negotiate?

Children do not have innate social communication skills; they learn them through interactions with each other. This is a complex process that begins in preschool age, but it acquires special significance during the school period. By the time each child enters school, he has a clear sense of his personal “I”, which he is ready to defend.

The question is not that the baby wants to get someone else’s toy or begins to act up in order to get attention and concessions from adults. All this, as they say, we “went through in kindergarten.” The younger student is focused on self-affirmation.

This situation often leads to a clash of interests, which in turn results in quarrels and conflicts. And here a very serious problem is revealed - children do not know how to negotiate with each other, make some concessions and make peace.

During this period, the most common way to resolve conflicts is the phrase: “Oh, well, then I’m not playing with you!” Often there is an aggressive reaction to the actions of other children, which the child regards as an encroachment on his personal space. Schoolchildren call names, bicker, complain to the teacher about each other, they can push, spit, or ruin some other person’s thing. There are times when a child acts on the sly, playing dirty tricks on his friends. All this leads to the emergence of grievances that children cannot eliminate on their own.

The teacher’s task is to teach schoolchildren to negotiate among themselves. To negotiate means to adapt to the interests of others while simultaneously defending one’s own interests, i.e. be able to look for compromises. This skill implies the presence of the following qualities:

• respect the opinions of others;
• communicate kindly;
• correctly formulate your requirements;
• manage your emotions.

In addition, children should be familiarized with tactics for achieving agreement among themselves, methods of influencing other participants in a quarrel, and rules for responding to their objections. They should have social experience in correctly resolving interpersonal conflict situations.

How to develop negotiation skills

The teacher’s work on developing children’s ability to negotiate must be systematic and constant.

Main areas of work

Such activities should be aimed at teaching schoolchildren:

• ethically valuable norms and ways of behavior in relationships with other people;
• skills to establish and maintain contacts;
• principles of building friendly relations;
• rules of cooperation;
• understanding how easily a quarrel or fight can arise;
• the ability to evaluate one’s behavior;
• the ability to determine the cause of a quarrel;
• the ability to avoid conflict situations;
• ways and techniques of independent conflict resolution.

Advice and explanations from adults on how to behave correctly are not enough; practice is necessary. Therefore, you cannot try to protect children from conflicts, but you need to familiarize schoolchildren with a model of behavior in problem situations. To do this you can do:

• group discussion;
• creation of problem situations, their analysis in microgroups with subsequent reflection;
• dramatization;
• role-playing games;
• elements of socio-psychological training;
• elements of research, observation, introspection, experiment, experiments;
• analysis of specific life situations, texts;
• listening and analyzing dramatic works.

The best way for primary schoolchildren to gain social experience is through play.