The art of persuasion: 7 secrets of a negotiator and hostage rescue specialist

Don't be honest

Straightforwardness and honesty are admirable qualities.
But if you engage them fully in an argument, your opponent may feel that you are too pushy and rude. If you don't listen, don't seek mutual understanding, and aren't willing to put yourself in the other person's shoes, an easily solvable problem can turn into a real battle. But you don't want to start a war. Therefore, be polite and careful in your expressions.

Chris Voss

author, former FBI hostage negotiation and rescue specialist

“I am a direct and honest person. I will speak openly and honestly because I want people to speak honestly and openly with me.” You shouldn't think like that. Another person may perceive your honesty as harshness and aggressiveness. If I feel that my direct and honest approach may be perceived as an attack, I will try to mislead the opponent and focus on solving the problem. This way the interlocutor will not feel that I am attacking him.

Negotiation books often advise getting straight to the point. But they don’t say that such tactics can be regarded as an attack. Better slow down. Smile. Speak in a friendly and calm manner.

Strategic Thinking

Have you ever thought about the great inventors and rich entrepreneurs in today's world, they are great thinkers. That's why they were able to have a huge impact on people. Warren Buffett is considered one of the most successful investors in the world, Mark Zuckerberg is the chairman, CEO and co-founder of Facebook. These people are great today because they thought strategically. With this skill, they can easily convince people to accept their ideas.

Don't try to get the answer "yes" every time.

You've probably heard of this trick: if you get the other person to answer "yes" to your questions several times, he will be more likely to agree with what you really want. This trick may have worked in the past, but today everyone knows about it.

Now imagine that someone is trying to pull this trick on you. And you understand perfectly well what they want from you. I wonder what you will feel? Exactly. That you are being disgustingly and primitively manipulated. Trust, like negotiations, is down the drain. People will be reluctant to say “yes” if they suspect that something is being sought from them. They immediately take a defensive position.

When a person says “no”, he feels protected. “No” is a defense. “Yes” is a commitment. A person begins to worry whether he made a mistake by agreeing to something. But by answering “no,” he does not oblige himself to anything. Only by feeling protected can he relax and become more open.

Chris Voss

Chris recommends constructing phrases so that a person can answer “no” to them. For example, you can ask: “Would it be a bad idea if...?”, then the interlocutor will not feel constrained and will more often agree with your proposals, answering something like: “No, not a problem.”

It's also a great way to resolve the situation if you're being ignored. How it works? Ask one simple question to get the other person to say no. For example: “Have you abandoned this project?” Most often, this is followed by a quick answer: “No, we’ve just been very busy lately. Sorry for delay".

Skill of mutual understanding

Communication skills are critical to developing mutual trust and friendship with someone or a group of people. Once you have established a good interpersonal relationship with someone or a group of people, it gives you the opportunity to connect with them and share some ideas and values.

Important!

Jason Nazar says, “By mirroring and matching others' habitual behavior (body language, rhythm, language patterns, etc.), you can create a sense of rapport; when people feel more comfortable with you, they become more open to your suggestions.

Check all accusations and agree with them

If you are arguing with a loved one or business partner with whom your relationship has suddenly deteriorated, sooner or later you will hear complaints addressed to you: “You are not listening to me” or “You acted unfairly.”

Most often, the answer to the accusation will begin like this: “I don’t...” By uttering this phrase, you reject the feelings of the interlocutor and will no longer be able to come to anything. Trust is lost.

What to do in this situation? Agree with every terrible accusation they can make of you.

The fastest and most effective way to restore the old relationship is to admit all complaints and smooth them out.

Chris Voss

Don't be afraid to appear weak, don't be afraid to apologize. Before you show all your cards, let your opponent know that you are on his side. In the future, he will also make concessions to you if he believes that you are interested and understand him. By denying the claims, you double the flow of accusations.

It all starts with your planning skills

Your ability to successfully persuade people every time depends on preparation and certain rules. Nothing is achieved without planning. The most important thing is to have adequate information about the people and situations around you. Adequate preparation allows for effective persuasion.

Important!

Jeff Hayden says, “Instead of starting with your argument, start with statements or premises that your audience will agree with. Create a foundation for further communication. Remember that a body in motion tends to stay in motion, and this also applies to the head nodding in agreement.”

Let your opponent feel like he's in control

Many books on negotiation use fighting metaphors and emphasize the importance of dominance. Bad idea. You should strive for a collaborative atmosphere. But if both sides fight for power, then you can forget about cooperation. Some people completely lose control when they feel they are not in control of a situation, especially in a tense situation. So let them think they have everything under control.

Invite your opponent to start the conversation first and determine the direction of the discussion. Ask open-ended “what?” questions. And How?". This will make your opponent feel like he is in control, because he is enlightening you. By doing so, you will create a more favorable atmosphere that will allow you to conclude a better deal.

Chris Voss

Sociability

Communication is very important when you want to convince someone or a group of people. It should be a two-way communication where feedback is welcomed. The art of persuasion is about interaction and encouragement to discover the state of mind, motives and views of the people you want to persuade.

Make your opponent say magic words

"Yes that's right". When your opponent says this phrase, you can be sure that he feels that you understand him. You have achieved harmony. Now emotions work for you. Now you are not warring savages, but two sides trying to solve a problem by cooperating with each other.

How to move the conversation to get the answer “Yes, that’s right”? Make generalizations. Rephrase what your opponent tells you. This way he will understand that you are listening and understanding him. You don't have to agree with everything you hear, just give a brief description.

But the words "You're right" should make you worry. Think about when you say this phrase yourself. Most often, when you want to politely hint to a person to shut up and get lost.

Human Relations Skill

Human relations skills are critical to persuasion. Classical management theorists failed in part because they neglected the human approach to employee management. To be strong in persuasion, you must be able to understand a person's pain and problems.

Important!

Persuasive people are likeable and influential because they put the needs of others before themselves. When you make a sincere attempt to understand the other person's background and motivation, you can be more effective in persuasion.

Identify leverage points

Sometimes it seems that you can't influence the situation in any way. But there are always levers of pressure, you just need to find them. And you can do this by listening and asking questions. This builds trust and makes the opponent feel like he is in control.

Negotiation is not a struggle, but a process of discovery. When you know the other person's real needs, the reasons why he is resisting, you can directly address him and try to solve the problems.

Your opponent has something to tell you. You should get valuable information from his words. For example, his boss told him that if the deal was not closed in two days, he would be fired. Or in his company it is necessary to close all transactions before going on vacation. There are actually two things you should know. What your opponent is hiding from you on purpose, and what he simply doesn’t think is important (although it is) and what he won’t mention if you don’t guide the conversation.

Chris Voss

A good example of this situation was a lecture on negotiation at MIT. Two groups of students must decide how to divide the oranges. Each group knows its task, but the task of the other group does not. Aggressive students simply take all the oranges for themselves (they get bad results and are likely to get divorced more often in the future). Students who are inclined to cooperate suggest dividing the oranges 50/50. Better, but far from an ideal solution.

What do smart students do? Ask the right questions. As a result, they may learn that the other group only wants orange peels. And their group only needs the fruit. Both sides can get exactly what they want. But they'll never know unless they ask.

Storytelling skills

Storytelling is quite exciting when you're trying to get your point across. Stories have the power to persuade and influence people. People pay their attention differently when listening to a story or illustration as opposed to presenting facts and figures.

Important!

By showing people your idea or strategy through stories, they can understand you better. Martin Zwilling says that stories are often more persuasive than simple statements of facts. If you can show your idea as a story, the potential impact will be even greater.

Ask stupid questions

Turn on the fool. It works. Ask: “How can I do this?” - and your opponent will begin to solve your problem for you.

The time-tested question “how?” - a sure-fire option for negotiations. This way you put pressure on your opponent. He has to come up with a solution and imagine the problems you might face in fulfilling his demand. The question “how?” is a graceful and affectionate way of saying no. Your opponent will have to come up with a better solution—your solution.

Chris Voss

Keep asking questions. During negotiations to free the hostages, Chris had to ask again and again: “How will we know that the hostages are safe?” “We don’t have that kind of money. How can we get them?”, “How will we deliver the ransom to you?” At some point they will simply tell you: “It’s your problem. Figure it out for yourself." There's nothing wrong with that. This means that the negotiations have come to an end and you must make a decision.

Research Skill

A person who wants to have the ability to persuade must be a good researcher in order to communicate accurately and authoritatively on a given issue. With a research skill, you can learn an unlimited amount about the ideas and views you want to convey.

Important!

Your level of extensive knowledge gives you the added advantage of convincing others to believe in your ideas.

Results

Let's remember once again all the tips that will help you convince other people:

1. Don't be honest. Honesty can be perceived as toughness and stubbornness, regardless of your intentions. Be polite and slow down.
2. Don't try to ensure that the answer is always "yes". This ploy puts people on the defensive. Make sure the answer is no.
3. Agree with all accusations. Acknowledge all complaints against you and try to smooth them out.
4. Let them feel like they are in control. People want independence. Ask questions and help them feel in control.
5. Get the answer “Yes, that’s right.” This way you can start collaborating.
6. Identify leverage points. Listen, listen, listen.
7. Ask stupid questions. Let your opponents solve your problems.

Experience of persuasion - logical arguments and reliance on facts

To convince people of something, you must be very well educated in this matter. My many years of experience in sales and promotion of goods have proven that only personal interest in one’s business and deep knowledge of the subject help in this matter.

While promoting such a medicine as DONA, a structure-modifying drug for the treatment of osteoarthritis, enormous experience was gained:

• Ongoing training in the field of ethics, behavioral psychology and promotion of the drug itself
• Knowledge in the field of pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics of the drug Dona
• Knowledge of all important competitors
• Reviews of world research in the field of osteoarthritis
• Practical application of knowledge among doctors

Etc. All this knowledge helped in convincing people that it’s worth learning.

All this still helps in life; I have developed friendly relations with many whom I have encountered in my work. And very often I hear in response that “Dona has come.” I always remember with gratitude all my colleagues and the management of the company, although many years have passed since I worked there.

The ability to convince people will help you develop an important skill - the ability to sell

Critical Skill

Reasoning is a product of critical thinking. You can't convince people when you don't know anything about them. Critical thinking makes a person an active learner rather than a passive recipient of information.

Important!

Critical thinkers use observation, analysis, interpretation, reflection, evaluation, inference, and explanation to get people to believe them.

Decision Making Skills

Our daily life is full of decision making. Most of the above skills depend on decision making. For example, when choosing a group of people you want to persuade, choosing the type of communication and choosing strategies and methods to persuade them are functions of decision making. Without this skill, it is impossible to achieve much when trying to persuade people.

A selection of books on the art of persuasion

Books always have a powerful effect on our brain; they also improve us professionally. Try to constantly read literature that interests you, listen to audiobooks, and also take special courses. Courses and trainings.

The video didn't freeze, it's just the author's format.

If you find an error, please select a piece of text and press Ctrl+Enter.

Language skills

As a result of globalization, we tend to meet people from different countries with different languages, value systems, norms and cultures. One of the ways to establish interpersonal relationships with them is to understand their languages. Constant communication with them will give you the opportunity to share your ideas and influence their opinions

.

How to speak convincingly, methods of influencing the audience?

How else can you influence people's thoughts? The most famous method is public speaking. What is the secret of successful speeches, how to prepare and deliver a speech correctly?

Psychologists believe that there are two main parameters that determine the perception of a speaker’s speech:

• manner of presenting information,
• logic of arguments, significance of information.

At the same time, opinions differ - some argue that 70% depends on the manner and 30% on the content, others believe that 70% of perception is related to the content and 30% to the presentation. Apparently, the truth is in the middle, both are important, depending on the context - a political speech, a dissertation defense, a musical number.

An important point is that the speech must be carefully prepared, a goal must be set, and a speech plan must be written. In this case, the goal may be to understand the essence of the issue by people or a call to certain actions, to influence the world of values, attitude to life. Speech without purpose is more like confusion, and the task at hand makes the speaker more eloquent.

The psychology of persuasion determines the following procedure: set a goal, think about a positive result, mentally imagine success and begin to act to achieve what you want. Difficulties along the way are normal; without them, success would have no value and would not be perceived as a special achievement. People sometimes deliberately create difficulties for themselves in life, as well as rituals and dedications.

Let's move on to the composition of the speech, how to compose a speech correctly, what order of information to choose?

1. Introduction:

• the first phrases should attract the attention of listeners and interest them;
• an explanation of the purpose of the speech, what will be discussed;
• listing the upcoming sections, what useful things will be heard thanks to listening to the speech.

2. Main part:

• the material should be presented consistently, interestingly, without deviating from the main topic;
• It is useful to give examples, use arguments, apply methods - analogies, induction (from particular to general), deduction (from general to particular), historical examples, fact and its consequence, reflection.

3. Conclusion:

• repetition of the main idea of ​​the speech;
• colorful illustration;
• establish a relationship with the beginning of the speech, return to the assigned tasks and goals;
• proclaim the main call to action, slogan, idea;
• thank you for your attention.

The psychology of persuasion draws attention to the fact that performance is perceived on two levels - personal-emotional and subject-logical. At the beginning of the speech, it is necessary to establish a relationship with the audience, evoke emotions, and interest them. How to do this?

The most common ways to attract and retain attention:

1. At the beginning of the speech, it is logical to address painful issues of society , group, and provide well-known quotes on this issue, citing authoritative sources (Julius Caesar, Socrates, Aristotle, Cicero). People tend to respect and trust such statements.
2. You can find some pretty impressive facts and bring them at the beginning of your speech to stimulate interest. And during the speech, try to constantly maintain interest, involve listeners in the conversation, and maintain the level of interest.
3. Compliment to the listeners - at the beginning of the speech, it is appropriate to say kind and positive words about those present at the speech, to show your awareness and attitude towards people, this inspires trust on the part of the listeners.
4. Find commonality with the audience - the presence of similar characteristics, nationality, education, beliefs generates sympathy and trust.
5. Remind the importance of the reason for the meeting - you need to sharpen the points, find interest, what will cause a strong reaction, emotions, injustice, the fight for rights.
6. Appeal to facts from the past , historical moments related to the gathering place or country.
7. Personal experience - listeners love first-hand stories, but those presented simply, without pathos and frequent use of “I”, arouse trust and interest. At the beginning of your speech, you can recall your life experience and then pose the question of how to solve the problem, for example.
8. Cause the effect of kinship - the use of pronouns such as “we”, “our”, “us” allows you to feel the closeness, unity of people, teams, and is often used as a technique in the speech of politicians.
9. Just kidding, making someone smile is an effective technique, but you should be careful when using it so as not to create the image of a narrow-minded person.
10. Parables, legends - instructive stories from life can be interesting for the perception and attention of the public.
11. Quiet voice - it is recommended to start the speech more quietly in order to create a mystery and interest the audience.
12. Personal participation is a call to feel, to participate in experiences - “imagine that you...”.
13. A pause is logical at the beginning of a speech; it helps to collect thoughts, tune in to the performance, establish calm breathing, and requires silence and attention from the audience.
14. The use of emotions - brightly colored words, promote increased interest - “An amazing fact, but...”, “A very interesting topic.”
15. Compliance with etiquette - usually at the beginning of the speech there is an address to the audience, which speaks of respect and calls for attention.
16. Surprise, straight to the point - “Did you know that...”, according to the latest facts...”.
17. Openness, expression of feelings - it is worth talking about personal experiences, openly showing feelings and emotions on the issue of the report - “honestly, I too...”, “there is very little information on this issue, who else will tell the truth...”.

The psychology of persuasion recommends using the following techniques to activate listeners’ attention during the speech process:

• verbal dynamite - a categorical statement, sharp and precise;
• staging, facial expressions - remember Comrade Khrushchev and the shoe, it perfectly attracted the audience, and you can bend a ruler or gesticulate during the performance;
• shock method - to influence others, sometimes radical methods are needed. During a trial, a lawyer may slam the criminal code heavily on the table to calm disputes, or the boss may stomp his foot, calling for silence. Even a crying child reacts to a sharp sound, distracted from worries;
• requirement - use of phrases: “a moment of attention, pay attention, the whole point is...”;
• leading to thoughts, involving - people finish the last words, often used by artists at concert performances, although it is possible in other variations;
• neutralization of negativity - you should immediately declare your intentions and dispel the doubts of those present.

As for the end of the speech, it should be bright - a slogan, an appeal, the result of the entire speech, the most memorable moment, do not crumple or cut off the speech, think about the ending. And never lower your status - “thank you for taking the time to listen..., it’s better to say “Thank you for your attention,” don’t say that you are poorly prepared or don’t have much desire to speak, at the beginning you need a positive attitude, which should be maintained throughout the speech.

We looked at how the psychology of persuasion works in public speaking, but how to effectively negotiate and achieve good results? Let's take a closer look at the secrets of business psychology. What techniques will significantly simplify your life and increase the efficiency of your work, meetings with partners, and clients?

Look for a personalized approach

Writer Travis Bradberry, in an article on Entrepreneur, reminds us that persuasion is a skill that can and should be developed. For example, before a conversation, try to get to know your interlocutors better, check how they react to different conversation styles:

• If the person is assertive and energetic, speak faster too.
• If you're shy, ease up and don't push.

Adapt to the character of the interlocutor, this will allow him to relax and feel comfortable, and you will convince him.