Love is a complex concept, feeling, idea, state, which can be called differently. Relationships are even more complicated. Relationships are always a process. Any process has its own dynamics, its peaks, its highest points, which are invariably followed by a decline. It is impossible to live at the highest point of a relationship, at the height of feelings and love. No matter how much we strive for this, we simply do not have enough energy. She, like feelings, fades away. And there, at the bottom, at the lowest point, with a cool head, everyone has to make an important decision - to stay in this relationship or not.
In this article:
Three dangerous situations that put relationships into question7 tips on how to fall in love with your partner again
Be realistic
Speaking of falling in love, many people want to return the emotions that overwhelmed them at the beginning of the relationship, to again experience that trepidation and excitement. But it’s worth remembering that your life was completely different back then. You didn’t yet know about each other’s annoying habits and what it was like to share everyday life with this person. We saw each other less often, and therefore we were more bored. We didn't know each other that well, which made everything seem less predictable.
Perhaps during the time that you have been together, global life circumstances have changed: children appeared, work became more stressful. You cannot simply close your eyes to all these factors, forget everything that you now know about each other and return “those” feelings.
Many relationship experts say that falling in love is just a stage of two people getting closer, it will pass, and this is absolutely normal. However, it may be replaced by a deeper and more stable feeling - and it is worth striving for.
When all efforts are in vain
When a guy leaves you and finds a new girl, you won’t be able to interfere with his happiness. If you still have feelings for your ex, but you see that the situation is hopeless, try to just let him go. Time will put everything in its place, and fate will give you a worthy man.
If there are no mutual feelings, then any actions will be useless. Men rarely leave and return. Attempts by girls to return love only aggravate the situation and provoke scandals and misunderstandings.
Psychologists do not recommend knocking on a closed door, especially if there is no chance of opening it. Increased attention to a guy can only aggravate the situation and make him turn away from the girl.
Prioritize your relationships
In long-term relationships, people lose the excitement and novelty, but gain comfort and confidence in return. It is important to focus not on losses, but on gains; this will help you take a fresh look at your priorities in relationships.
Your connection with your partner is affected by everyday activities and major life events: career, caring for children or aging parents. All this can shift the focus of attention and distance you from each other. To prevent this, conscious efforts are needed.
Strengthening your intimacy should be one of your life priorities. Intentionally create moments where you can be alone. Regularly set aside time for communication - this could be a simple exchange of news at the table or a full-fledged date.
Talk about your needs so as not to accumulate resentment and irritation.
Be careful about your life
From time to time it is useful to step back and look at your partner and your relationship as a whole. You may find that you haven't done something that you both enjoy in a long time. Previous habits and ways of enjoying each other replaced everyday problems, and then you simply forgot about them. Bring back the good things that were in your relationship, even if it's just the habit of chatting in bed before going to bed.
Possible reasons
A man’s feelings can cool down if there are constant scandals in the family.
Before thinking about how to love your wife, you need to decide what exactly caused the loss of feelings. The most common include:
- regular quarrels in the family, accompanied by insults;
- everyday problems that did not exist outside of family life can cause serious disappointment and kill love;
- meeting new girls;
- the emergence of interests that do not arouse approval from the spouse and affect the disappearance of feelings;
- when the wife is a workaholic and spends too much time at work, paying little attention to her partner, the man’s interest in her decreases, his feelings fade away;
- love can be eradicated due to the betrayal of his wife - a man cannot forgive her, but is also afraid of losing her, and therefore thinks about how to return his old feelings;
- relationships can deteriorate if spouses stop developing or one continues to do this while the other remains inactive;
- feelings may fade when secrets arise between spouses, partners stop trusting each other, and do not share their experiences.
Understand how you really feel
Find out what exactly you would like to change in your relationship: is it the physical aspect, the emotional aspect, or both?
Often, behind dissatisfaction with some specific everyday moment in a relationship, some more serious grievance is hidden. Minor disappointments, refusals, misunderstandings add up to the feeling that you no longer love your partner as much as before. Being in love is a feeling of complete togetherness, so try to work through your differences to become closer.
Read on topic: How to understand that you have stopped loving your partner if everything is fine in the relationship
Advice from psychologists
To independently understand the situation and understand how to proceed, it is worth considering the advice of psychologists. They will tell you how to get your past relationship back. To do this, you need to remember the following rules:
- Stay beautiful, desirable and sweet.
- You shouldn’t impose yourself on a man; it’s important to be in his sight as often as possible, showing yourself at your best.
- Make him a little jealous, go out with other guys, hang out with his friends.
- Don't focus on breaking up, if the guy is your destiny, then life will bring you together again.
- Become confident.
Advice from psychologists will help you cope with the current situation and find answers to all questions regarding the restoration of relationships.
Remember who you fell in love with
Psychotherapist and relationship expert Katherine Woodward Thomas recommends creating a gratitude list that includes all of your partner's strengths.
In moments of crisis, when he seems unattractive, negative, annoying, or behaves incorrectly, remind yourself that this does not make him a bad person overall, and that he still has qualities worthy of love and respect. If you feel that your partner has changed, try to understand why. Perhaps he himself is not happy about this and has not loved himself for a long time. Then you should not push the person away, but find out what is happening to him and remind him that he is not alone.
How to allow yourself to love again
Once you've had your heart broken, loving someone again can be very difficult. Some people never recover from such a bad breakup. However, you can learn to love again, even if someone previously left you with a huge emotional wound inside because of a broken relationship or lost love. To protect yourself from love is to miss out on the opportunity to experience what many consider to be the only blessing in life. Here's what you can try to start loving again.
Difficulty: moderate.
1. Grieve from the heart over who/who, what/whom you have lost. Before you are ready to love again, you need to heal the pain that your last love caused you. No matter how you've lost your other half before, through a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, lost love leaves behind an emotional wound. Grieving the loss will free you to be able to love again.
2. If the desire for love arises within you, be able to recognize it. Loving someone is one of the most basic needs of human existence. Without love, life is meaningless and gray. While you may need some time to lick your inner wound, closing your heart to love will leave your life empty.
3. Face the fact that new love is worth the risk. Still in the process of grieving your loss, you may decide that your heart is too fragile to take on another blow and is not worth the risk. However, by allowing your grief to run its course, thus releasing the extra burden on your heart, and becoming healthier emotionally, you will begin to move towards the opportunity to open your heart again.
4. Love yourself. The more you respect and love yourself, the more likely you are to attract an emotionally healthy person to you. If you go out looking for love to fill the hole in your heart, then you are more likely to attract someone who wants to have advantage/power over you, or is looking for short-term fun. However, if you start from the perspective of having love that you want to give to another, you will most likely attract the same person to you.
5. At least just hypothetically think about what you would like to get from a new relationship. Set a standard against which you can begin your search. Make them a point from which you will start on the path to a new relationship, and do not fall into the old, once dear to your heart template, simply because it is more comfortable for you. In addition to the positive aspects, most relationships have a lot of disadvantages, so be sure to take them into account.
6. Allow love to come to you. There is no need to run away from home in search of “Mr./Miss. That One” to places where singles traditionally gather.
Instead, get involved in some activity/event/club, etc. that you have always enjoyed doing/taking part in - one where you will have contact with people of both sexes with similar interests. Whatever you choose to do: a photo club, a bowling or paintball team, a tennis club, or a charitable organization, be involved in a positive way in the lives of a group of people.
7. Move into new relationships slowly. Don't try to replace lost love. Don't try to recover from your suffering with a new partner. Instead, allow the new relationship to grow and blossom in its own way, naturally and calmly.
Additions and warnings:
– Even if all of the above tips do not make you run out to look for a new couple, their use will allow you to get out of your cocoon at least a little, and become more open to real possibilities;
– If the loss of your last love has really become too much of a burden for you, consider finding a good mental health therapist who has experience counseling people with similar problems. An experienced and knowledgeable therapist will guide you through the process of mourning what has been lost so that you can get back to life again;
– Don’t rush into a relationship just because you’re lonely. Let true love chart its course.
