If you are concerned about the question: “How to survive a divorce from your husband?”, then it means that it is difficult for you, and you need help. For many women, this situation is painful and is accompanied by mental and emotional shock. In some cases, shocks turn into physical suffering. Women who have thought about ways to survive a divorce from their husband have embarked on the path of healing and understand the need to solve the problem.
The main stages of experiencing a divorce
Let's consider the stages of experience:
Defensive reaction
At first, the female psyche transmits a defensive reaction, the brain “numbs”. The body adapts to changes and experiences stress. Others may perceive shock as indifference. External indifference hides severe stress and the inability to comprehend what is happening. A natural defense reaction for the psyche trying to block pain. This is the reason that many women delay divorce - they not only give the relationship a chance, but also delay the moment of stress. The protective reaction gives the effect of “pain relief”. Understanding of the situation will come later - the event has already happened, it remains to be experienced.
Anger, resentment
At the second stage of trying to survive a divorce from her husband, the woman experiences resentment and anger. She remembers situations that resulted in the dissolution of the union, returning to them mentally, she suffers. Trying to understand what happened, she torments herself with questions. Anger may be directed toward the ex-husband or people who contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. Example: a family broke up due to the presence of a mistress. A woman is angry with her husband and homewrecker. She is looking for those to blame, because it seems easier for her to cope with the loss. The effect will be the opposite. Starting to spread feelings of anger, a woman transfers it to close people, and sometimes relationships deteriorate irrevocably. You need to act the other way around: don’t get annoyed with your loved ones, but seek their support. After outbursts of rage, be sure to ask for forgiveness from the people you offended: explain to them that you are going through a difficult period and cannot control your emotions.
Guilt
At the next stage, the woman feels guilty. It begins to seem to her: with different behavior, everything could have been different. She finds flaws in herself that contributed to the breakdown of the family. The feeling of guilt grows - instead of getting over the divorce from her husband and moving on, the woman reproaches and torments herself. Self-flagellation and justification of the husband begins, even if he was a traitor. The senselessness of self-accusation is not immediately realized.
Depression
The most difficult stage. The sensations are painful, the mental pain intensifies. The natural state for a woman going through a divorce. Lasts several weeks or months. If depression has lasted for more than six months, the help of a psychologist is needed.
Characteristic symptoms of this stage: severe internal pain or frequent crying. A woman tries to maintain contact with her ex-husband - mentally or in reality. In some cases, attempts are made to return the relationship, which is soon regretted.
An important point: symptoms that have become protracted require the attention of a specialist. Your goal is not suffering, but a return to normal life, a new happy relationship. Only by closing this door can another be opened.
Adoption
The most important and final stage that helps you finally get over the divorce from your husband. The woman feels relieved, tries to start living in a new way, she is not afraid of life without her former chosen one. The right goal emerges: to recover from the shock.
Terms of divorce
Divorce between spouses is a lengthy procedure if you have to figure out where the children will live or who will own the common property. But if there are no children, the case will be considered in the magistrate’s court within a month. If you go to the magistrate's court, the time limit is extended to two months. Although in most cases one meeting or two visits to court is enough. Meetings are held with a break of two weeks. If the second spouse refuses to divorce, the court will give three months for the spouses to reconcile. If property is divided, the divorce will be drawn out over many months.
When it comes to children, spouses will be divorced as quickly as possible, depending on the situation. The fastest way is if the spouses have already agreed with whom the child will live, how much to pay for his maintenance, etc. Then a couple of meetings will be enough. The more controversial issues, the further the case will move forward.
Divorce during pregnancy: how to cope painlessly
A woman going through the process of divorce during pregnancy finds herself in a difficult situation. The most important thing: do not harm the child with this situation. Remember that in some way you are lucky: you are not alone, a loved one will remain with you. This is a priceless human life - it should not be the subject of revenge. Your future baby is innocent of what happened.
Don't even think about abortion - you will probably regret it later. Moreover, this decision is a direct path to long-term depression. With a child you will find a new meaning in life - take care of this chance.
Your baby is the answer to the question of how to survive a divorce from your husband. Take it as a gift of fate; a year will pass and you will agree with these words.
How to live during this period? This is a difficult moment, and you and your baby need support: accept any help from your loved ones. Don't become isolated, don't refuse to communicate. You need to find someone who will listen to you and help you with practical advice.
Having a hobby is important: return to past hobbies or find new ones. A wonderful and useful pastime for pregnant women: knitting and sewing. Never done this? It's time to start!
Study videos for pregnant women, take courses for expectant mothers. Give up thoughts about the past and your ex-husband - concentrate on your situation, take care of yourself. There is no need to think about the past stage - you have to start a new life, focus on it.
Think, dream about what your life will be like with your baby. The first time he tells his mother, he takes the first step, he laughs. These are happy, unforgettable moments, and they await you ahead.
Why is it important to go through the process correctly?
Of course, the process of separation is long and painstaking.
It takes a lot of time for a combination of reasons. In this difficult time, you need to treat yourself with extreme care and take advantage of the help and support of relatives and specialists.
After all, not only your mood and emotional stability, but also the prospects for a future happy life depend on the correctness of this path.
If you want everything to be good on the personal front in relationships with the opposite sex, then you must discover the possibilities of another experience, not at all negative , but necessary and significant for gaining life wisdom and spiritual growth.
Many women behave more confidently and independently after a divorce than during the relationship - demonstrating that even an unpleasant event can have a positive impact if you have the courage to turn the breakup into your chance to start a new life.
How to survive a separation from your husband if you have a child
Don’t know how to cope with pain if you have a common child? Help is needed not only for you, but also for him. The situation is not easy, and in order not to aggravate it, the news needs to be told to your son or daughter together with your ex-husband. There is no need to show resentment in front of the baby - show that your feelings towards him are unchanged.
Rules recommended by family psychologists
:
- Think about everything you intend to say in advance.
- Stop trying to win your son (daughter) over to your side, don’t intimidate him.
- Don't argue with your ex-husband while talking to your children.
- Assure your child that he will be able to communicate and see his father at any time.
- Explain: divorce is the result of your personal relationship and has nothing to do with the actions of your child.
The information presented depends on the age of the offspring. It is easier for an adult to explain the reason for the divorce and the planned development of the situation. It is more difficult for a child to perceive unexpected changes - he will ask questions about what happened more than once, be patient.
He worries no less than you, although he can’t always show it. It depends on the mother whether the suffering will intensify or ease.
In the presence of your son (daughter), do not speak negatively about his father, this will cause suffering. For children, their parents are the best. Don't avoid talking about the breakup; answer all your children's questions. Do not transfer the anger you feel towards your ex-husband to your child, even if he supports him. After separating from your husband, discuss his meetings with the children - in what territory, frequency.
If you have children together, it is important to maintain friendly or neutral relations - do not aggravate the situation. The baby will grow, and at different stages of life it will be important for him to have the participation of his parents, so as not to feel deprived and inferior. Don't deprive him of this. By exacerbating the situation, you are not punishing your ex-husband, but others.
When can a divorce application be refused?
A refusal to consider a case occurs if the demands therein are unfounded or violate rights. But if a person demands a divorce, they cannot refuse. Marriage is a voluntary union, and if one of its members wishes to obtain freedom, the court cannot refuse this. Although, if we are talking about a pregnant woman who does not want a divorce, he violates her rights, which means that the divorce will not take place until the child is one year old. The exception is when both spouses want a divorce.
How to get over a divorce if you still love
A woman who has feelings for her ex has a much harder time coming to terms with her loss. Memory treacherously slips in the happiest moments of our life together. You are immersed in them, and when reality comes, the pain seems even stronger. If the divorce occurred even despite your love, it is obvious that there is no question of renewing the relationship. Your goal is not only to survive the divorce from your husband, but also to get rid of feelings for him. Algorithm of actions:
Leaving go
Gather what strength you have left to refuse meetings, even if you have strong feelings. In some cases, ex-husbands, taking advantage of the feelings of their ex-wife, periodically come to them for the night - for sex. This does not indicate a desire to renew the family union - he takes advantage of you while you try to maintain love and continue to plunge into feelings and depression. You allow yourself to play with your emotions, and later it will be harder. You continue to give the time that could have been spent healing from the past to your ex-husband. If you are connected by children, resolve the issue of visiting them and cut off other relationships. Have no children? Let go of the past completely.
Minimum contacts
If you want to recover from your love for your ex-husband and start a new life, keep contacts to a minimum. This does not only mean direct communication. Stop following him on social networks, remove shared photos from your eyes. Over time, the pain will pass and you may be able to keep in touch, but have mercy on yourself in the present.
Cry as much as you need
Women experiencing a breakup often forbid themselves to cry, believing that this will increase their suffering. Cry! You get emotional release, relief gradually comes. Suppressed emotions are worse - unspoken grief will choke you, bursting out at the wrong moment. If you want to cry: find a secluded place or confide in a loved one. Over time, the desire to cry will become less and less noticeable - the pain will go away with tears.
Find support
When many women separate from their husbands, they also lose their friends. Going through a divorce from your husband is very difficult - especially without support. Not all people are able to support in difficult times, and this leads to a break in friendship. Don't be offended by people who are unable to help you. Most of them brush aside other people’s experiences: “It will pass, stop crying,” “Keep yourself busy with something, stop harping on this topic,” and so on. These phrases are appropriate six months after the event, but at first they are difficult to perceive. During this period, you need people who are ready to listen to you completely, support you, hug you, give effective advice, and give you time. Find people who can empathize.
Take care of yourself
This is especially important during the breakup stage. You should feel confident and feminine. Taking care of yourself has a powerful psychological effect. There is a feeling of one’s own attractiveness, thoughts about the future arise, and the reflection in the mirror pleases. Ease your emotional state! Do you want to lie on the couch all day, looking at the ceiling? Get busy with more important things. The minimum required: hygiene and good nutrition. Do not deny yourself the slightest desires. Appreciate and love yourself: walk in beautiful places, dine at your favorite places, make yourself happy with shopping. Great self-care options: massage, hot bath, facial, spa. Remember about physical activity. What will help: sports activities, walks, cleaning the apartment. Find inspiration, don't force yourself.
Benefits of Meditation
Many people give up meditation or don’t even think about it, not realizing all the benefits. The method is very useful and effective. Benefits of meditation: getting rid of obsessive thoughts, relaxation, distraction from oppressive memories, clearing the mind. For some it sounds like a fairy tale. Try it and the result will surprise you.
Be honest with yourself
Sometimes we suffer because that's the way it is. Keep common sense, be honest, explore the feelings and emotions that overcome your consciousness. A useful rule of thumb is that observing an emotion makes its impact weaker. An event is unfolding around you: the dissolution of a marriage. Study the sensations, think about it. Don’t close yourself off from them, determine which thoughts are the hardest, what causes the most painful experiences. What will help solve this problem? What plan will help?
When can you get a divorce?
There must be a reason for a divorce to be registered. Circumstances vary, but generally fall into one of the following categories:
- The desire to dissolve the marriage is demonstrated by one of the spouses, or both members of the couple want it.
- The demand to dissolve the marriage is expressed by the guardian of the incapacitated spouse (if this marriage can harm the ward).
- One of the spouses died.
In any case, the procedure is quite simple and takes a minimum of time.
Advice from psychologists for peace of mind during divorce
The psychologist's main advice is to accept divorce as a fait accompli. Bad decision: tearing up photographs, ostentatiously throwing away gifts, burning a wedding dress. Remove objects that cause pain from your eyes. Let go of your spouse mentally, wish yourself and him life changes. Discard thoughts about his return, leave self-flagellation and worries in the past.
Other relevant tips
:
Fill your free time
Instead of self-criticism, find an exciting hobby: tailoring, drawing, cooking, sports. If you stay in thoughts about the past, you can quickly fall into a prolonged depression. There is no desire to pursue a hobby, but your own work excites you? Devote time to it - perhaps your zeal will lead to a jump up the career ladder.
A pet
Useful advice, especially for those who work from home. If you have dreamed of a cat or a dog, then it's time to realize your dream.
Society
Falling into worries about separation, women often forget about friends and relatives. No need to fence yourself off! Discuss your feelings with loved ones and get support from them.
Both are to blame
Unfortunately, warring parties often cannot rationally, without emotions, go through the division of property or establish rules for child care. Each side may be looking for an opportunity to escalate the conflict. Divorce is also a huge transition through the ocean of your feelings.
Shame comes from what others, friends and family will say. How to behave among mutual friends whom you previously invited to your home during marriage? Break contact with them? Change company? Did I do everything to prevent divorce? Am I sexy? Am I man enough? Who was to blame?
More often than not, the fault lies in the middle. Even in the case of betrayal, not only the guilty person is guilty, but also the one who ignored the signals of a family crisis.
Typical mistakes women make after divorce
Women experiencing family breakdown often make characteristic mistakes. The pain is so strong that the suffering person is ready to go to great lengths to relieve it. Sometimes ways to combat depression turn into even bigger problems: drinking, cigarettes, short-term relationships.
- Antidepressants
can make the situation worse. Don't accept them! The first days after a breakup are the most difficult. Tolerate them without medications - it will be easier later. Risk of antidepressants: addiction to sedatives. - Alcohol
. Do you numb the pain with alcohol? Subsequently it will become even stronger. In addition to this there will be new problems associated with alcohol. Female alcoholism goes unnoticed at first - remember this. - Sleeping pills
. Gloomy thoughts can creep in at night too.
An obvious but dangerous way to combat insomnia is with sleeping pills. Addiction sets in quickly, and getting rid of it is no easier than getting rid of worries about a broken family. Look for an alternative: herbal teas, which have a sedative effect. The effect of the drink is less pronounced, but the benefits are more noticeable.
Quick remarriage
Wanting to prove female attractiveness and the interest of the opposite sex, a woman quickly remarries. Sometimes starting a new family quickly is an attempt to escape from suffering. Hoping that with a new man it will be easier to forget about their past family life, women make a mistake. It takes time to get over depression. At first it will seem that the stress has subsided, but it will return if you do not survive all the stages. Moreover, the return will be at the time of the new marriage, which will not add to his happiness.
When to file an application for divorce in court
A divorce in court must be carried out in almost all cases that do not fit the list of circumstances described above. A lawsuit cannot be avoided if the spouses are parents of minor children. Also, legal proceedings will have to be initiated if one of the spouses is against the divorce or agrees, but for some reason does not apply for divorce.
